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Shen Yuan doesn’t have anyone.
You’d expect as much from an unemployed otaku who stays in his room reading webnovels all day. He rarely steps out of the house unless he needs food, spends more time staring at his phone screen than the faces of actual people at this point. But that doesn’t mean he never gets lonely. Shen Yuan is very lonely, so lonely in fact, that sometimes he wonders if there’ll be anyone left to mourn him if he suddenly dies from food poisoning or something stupid like that.
If not reading or eating, then he sleeps. Being asleep means he doesn’t have to think too much, but it also means he goes through a plethora of sleep problems. Some nights he has nightmares, just little night terrors that eventually evolve into seeing demons. The same demons that have sent him to therapy years ago.
Those nights, Shen Yuan will wake up to find his body paralysed. There’s always something heavy on his chest, a shadowy figure looming over him, staring holes into his face with those terrifyingly empty eyes. Shen Yuan is used to the demons now, has learned to stay still with his eyes closed until the they go away. When he wakes up the next morning he’ll be fine, prays that he won’t have to see them again the next night.
Recently, things have been different.
He doesn’t go to bed reading his webnovels anymore, nor does he dread seeing the demons. He doesn’t feel lonely, or at least doesn’t notice the feeling as much.
Because Luo Binghe is there, and he’s always happy to see his Demon Lord.
“A'Yuan…"
Shen Yuan wakes up disorientated.
Sleep fading and limbs regaining feeling, there's that pressure on his chest again, invisible knees crushing the sides of his ribcage. Cold fingers brush his cheeks, and Shen Yuan peels his eyelids open in to see the demon straddling him. He mimics the big grin on Luo Binghe’s face.
For such monstrous, rough hands, they are gentle when they touch Shen Yuan. When Luo Binghe’s hands stroke his body, pets his head, glides across his naked hip, there’s that warm flutter in his chest that follows him until morning. Such cold hands have given Shen Yuan more warmth than his parents ever did his whole life.
Tonight Luo Binghe wants to cuddle. He moves from his straddling his waist to lying on the bed, hugging Shen Yuan’s tiny body to his broad chest and rests his chip atop the messy brown hair. “You’re late,” Shen Yuan whispers to him. “I thought you weren’t coming."
“Apologies. This lord had matters to attend to.”
Shen Yuan has never asked Luo Binghe where he came from, or how this gorgeous, immaculate lord found such a loser like him. He doesn’t want to in case he breaks the spell of their paradise. “Hm. Come early next time.”
“Understood."
He closes his eyes and basks in the comfort of those arms. Yes, Shen Yuan doesn’t receive the conventional source of affection but he doesn’t need to when he has Luo Binghe, the demon who only comes to visit at night. To feel cherished by one person is enough to forget how lonely he has always been, after all, Luo Binghe is his beautiful lotus emerging from his life's murky waters.
—
The first time he meets Luo Binghe the demon is in black embroidered robes, he remembers the narrowed crimson eyes and glowing mark on his forehead. There’s a whiff of blood filling his nostrils, and Shen Yuan assumes he’ll be killed then and there, gobbled up like a piece of meat. What he doesn't expect is for the demon to use him for skinship of all things.
He remembers that first encounter clearly, cherishes it like a special memory.
Luo Binghe watching him from the foot of his bed. Shen Yuan thinks he’s dreaming, unable to move his body yet feels the pressure of his gaze on his exposed skin. The demon’s eyes are dark with emotion— lust, longing, want. Shen Yuan has never felt wanted before, he’s so scared yet his fingers itch to touch the handsome man right in front of him. He still can’t move, so he waits.
He does not wait for long. The demon crawls onto the bed towards him, slowly and carefully, before his large body is pressing up against Shen Yuan’s, and there's an icy touch against his neck.
“Who… are you?”
It takes Shen Yuan a moment to realise the words came out of his own mouth. The demon cocks his head to the side, assessing him. They watch each other in the silence, fingers still cold against his skin.
“You look like Shen Qingqiu.” The demon responds instead, voice husky. Shen Qingqiu? The name has keeps echoing in his mind ever since, but the name has never been brought up again. That time, Shen Yuan’s too confused to ask anyway.
The demon sighs and removes his hand. Instead, he wraps both his arms around Shen Yuan’s body and nuzzles against him for a few minutes. He pulls back to stare at him and smiles. It’s then Shen Yuan decides that if this is a dream, then he never wants to wake up.
“This one is named Luo Binghe.”
Bing, as cold as his hands. He, as gentle as the river flow. Shen Yuan wishes he could move so he could hug the demon back.
“I’m… I’m Shen Yuan."
Luo Binghe hums, snuggles against him. Sometime later, Shen Yuan falls asleep in the embrace of Luo Binghe. Before darkness consumes him he wishes it won’t be the last time they meet again.
—
He knows Luo Binghe has many things waiting for him back home, wherever home is. The Demon Lord has a harem of beauties, warriors he commands, lands he’d overtaken and capitols named after him— everything that has people down on their knees in his presence. Yet, when Luo Binghe tells him about his life sometimes, it sounds sad. He tends to open up after hours of kissing until their lips are swollen red and wet, when they’re both lying next to each other side by side and staring up at the starless ceiling.
“This one has accomplished and still strives for more,” he tells him. “There is no regret in my heart for the choices made, but the truth is nothing could be achieved if this lord is not beast. A beast who has killed and slaughtered thousands of souls. My hands are eternally stained with blood.”
The more time Shen Yuan spends with Luo Binghe, the more he sees that behind this confident and powerful facade is a young boy with bruised knees, abandoned by everyone, left alone to yearn so badly for a love that will wrap him up like a thick blanket; keep him safe and away from this world of chaos and storm. “You’re not.” Shen Yuan insists. “In my eyes, you’re so patient and gentle and I—“ I love you so much, is left unsaid. I will be there for you, even if you’re a think you don’t deserve it.
“Lately, there has been a horrible feeling in this one that refuses to disappear.”
“And that feeling is valid.” Shen Yuan says, fingers entangling with Luo Binghe's. “You’re not wrong or cruel for feeling emotions, Binghe. What the people did to you in the past… you have every right to be upset. You can be a beast for many things but you can never be a beast for feeling.”
It’s quiet for a while. Shen Yuan thinks Luo Binghe has dozed off, until, “How this one wishes he'd said that to me.”
Shen Yuan closes his eyes. He doesn’t ask Luo Binghe to elaborate.
—
Luo Binghe doesn’t come visit him for a while.
Being such a busy Demon Lord, it’s normal for Luo Binghe to miss a few nights with Shen Yuan. Shen Yuan doesn’t mind because he’ll always be back the next day, kissing apologies into the crook of his neck and promising him to come early the next night. But Shen Yuan waits for three nights in a row, which then turn into a week, then a month.
Shen Yuan’s heart hasn’t broken yet, it’s chipping off slowly, piece by piece. It hurts.
He’s always in his room anyways, so none of his family members notice the difference in his mood, aside from his therapist who he hasn’t contacted since Luo Binghe’s disappearance. He wants someone to talk to but he can’t, because all he wants to talk about is Luo Binghe and how it feels like someone has cut him open, stolen everything happy and warm he’d kept inside.
He wants to talk about Luo Binghe but he doesn’t want to let his mind wonder whether it was all a dream. If the past few months are a result of an overly lonely otaku.
Shen Yuan lies on his bed and stares at the concrete ceiling. He doesn’t like how it looks as empty and lifeless as Shen Yuan feels.
“A’Yuan.”
Shen Yuan jolts upright in his bed. He scans the room, and there is Luo Binghe in all of his ethereal glory, standing in the corner of the room with his face half hidden in the dark.
“Binghe?”
A mix of emotions bubble up in his chest as Shen Yuan stares at him. Shen Yuan doesn’t know if he wants to hug Luo Binghe or demand to know where he’d been, he’s so overwhelmed with both joy and anger he just sits there for a moment. Before he finally makes a choice, however, he notices Luo Binghe's crimson eyes are glowing dimmer than before.
Something’s wrong.
“Binghe…” he repeats, “W-where have you been all month?”
“Away.”
“Why?”
“Staying away from you.”
Shen Yuan’s heart and he can hardly move. Is this it… the day Luo BInghe will finally tell him he’s grown tired of him, and will never come back?
“It’s to keep Shen Yuan safe,” Binghe explains from the dark, noticing Shen Yuan’s distress. “Every time this one looks at you, I am reminded of him.”
Shen Yuan already knows who Luo Binghe’s talking about.
“This one knows Shen Yuan and Shen Qingqiu are two different people— A’Yuan is so kind and soft-spoken, not cruel and cold hearted like him. But, but when this one sees you, there is a strong desire to whisk you away to the demon realm, to claim and to monopolise you, so that you can never leave me.”
Shen Yuan stays silent, thoughts racing through his head.
“This one has never felt so strongly for someone before, not even for any of my wives. Has never felt my existence wanted until Shen Yuan—“
Luo Binghe doesn’t get to continue, because Shen Yuan won’t let him. He’s out of his bed and rushes to hug him, arms wrapped around him as tightly as the first night Luo Binghe had embraced him. Shen Yuan feel’s the large body stiffen, but he wants Luo Binghe to know he will never let him let him feel this way again, never let him feel unwanted. To think that in a moment of weakness, he’d thought Luo Binghe had left him, when the Demon Lord would never do such a cruel thing to him.
“I know,” Shen Yuan murmurs. “I also… didn’t feel wanted until you came into my life.” He looks up at Binghe’s face, whose bottom lip is trembling. "I can’t fix the way you think about yourself, but I’ll always love you, all right?”
“But this one…”
“Take me away, then.” Shen Yuan says. “Let me show you how much I want to be with you. Take me to your world.”
“A’Yuan, you can never return here.”
“That’s fine.” Of course it’s fine. He’s come to terms with it a long time ago; no one will miss Shen Yuan when he’s gone, and he will not miss anything from the world he’d grown up in his whole life. No one has ever cared for him except for one person. He watches as the light returns to Luo Binghe’s red eyes, corners of his mouth turned upwards into a shy smile.
Swiftly, Luo Binghe picks up the smaller man by the waist, carrying him bridal style and pressing his lips to his forehead. “This one must be blessed by the Gods to have you.”
Me too, he doesn’t need to say, because Luo Binghe will eventually know. I’m so grateful for you.
A shimmering red fog envelopes them and Shen Yuan grips onto Luo Binghe’s robes. When he blinks again, he will no longer be in his dingy bedroom, but in a land of tall mountains and bamboo trees. For the first time in a long time, Shen Yuan has someone to call home.