Chapter Text
“It would just be for one week, you know.”
The Captain did not reply. He continued to loudly pack books into his half filled trunk, banging and clunking every spine against the hard edge of the trunk. A chaos of clothing, documents, and even more books covered his office floor and furniture. Looking at the mess made his head hurt more than the words he was hearing.
“I would really like for you to meet them, get to know them.”
William Havers continued on, emptying out the drawers of The Captain’s desk into boxes.
“And also for them to know you.”
Now that the war had been over for several weeks, most of the soldiers who had served in Button House had long left to see their families for likely the first time in many months. When Lady Heather Button had shown up to move back into her large home, The Captain felt too guilty to leave her to sort out the mess left by the soldiers who had lived there for so long. Therefore straight away he had offered his services, cleaned up every room and packed away forgotten belongings. Lady Heather had been very grateful and had told The Captain he was most welcome to come and stay at the house for as long as he needed, if he so wanted.
The Captain had nodded politely. He did not mention however that his reason for his services within the house were not truly out of generosity, but that he had no desire to going back to living in his small cold flat all alone.
When The Captain had told Havers his plans, his second had offered to stay and help at once. The Captain was absolutely not going to say no to that.
“My sister and her family should be there, and there is a lovely nearby forest that would be perfect for us to take morning runs in together.”
The Captain hummed, but still did not speak. The bookshelf was dangerously bare, he gulped thinking about how soon he would have to face his Lieutenant.
It was not as if Havers family would know, nobody knew. Nobody in the world but them. Yet The Captain feared that being in such close proximity to other people whilst in the company of Havers was guaranteed to go wrong soon enough. Surely it would be too good to be true to expect a full week of peace with Havers, no work or tasks to complete, no responsibilities. Just time in each other’s company. A stolen kiss behind a locked door, perhaps.
In truth however, the fear of being caught was actually not the main reason for The Captain’s reluctance. He wanted, needed, Havers family to like him, to approve of him somehow. The Captain spent so many hours battling himself over how bad he was for Havers, how dangerous and irresponsible their agreement was. The idea of the very people closest to Havers, most alike to him, actually disliking or even despising The Captain was almost too much to bare. And yet… how could they ever like him?
“Please, Teddy.”
He turned around. Havers had dropped the box he was holding and walked towards The Captain. He placed his hands on each side of the Captain’s face. The Captain felt his cheeks warm under Havers palms, and he glanced at the window. The thick curtains blocked out all trace of light outside.
“I just don’t think it is a good idea, William.”
“Any other couple would do the same.”
“But we aren’t just any other couple, are we?”
“Yes, Teddy. Yes we are. Please, I cannot stand to think of you back in that flat all alone when you should be with me.”
“I’ll think about it.”
—
It had gone 2300 hours by the time Havers and The Captain arrived at the house after a tense ride through Darlington. The Captain was anxiously tapping his foot against the floor of the taxi that they had managed to flag down, staring out of the window at the rain slashing against the road beneath them. They had filled a measly one third of the car-boot space with the combined possessions that they had at Button House.
“I should make provisions for the night elsewhere, it is not proper for me to arrive to your family home for the first time so late.” The Captain was suggesting for the 8th time that evening (and 4th time since he had stepped foot in the taxi).
“We have already talked about this, Teddy.” Havers smiled warmly at him, but made no attempt to hide the rolling of his eyes from his partner.
The Captain stared down at his knees, he kept knocking them together in an attempted comforting rhythm. He could not remember ever being as nervous as he was at that current moment. He imagined how much more relaxed he would feel if he was currently in a car taking him towards a gathering of 1000 of the best German soldiers, rather than just Havers’ parents (though he considered the very recent surrender of Germany to be a possible factor in this).
Would they question why their son had invited home his army Captain to stay? Would Havers explain that The Captain had no family, so they should take pity on him and keep him company for a few days? Would they ask why he had no contact with his family? Please God, no.
He was absolutely terrified of being overheard. Despite his very best efforts, The Captain often found himself unable to stop himself when he and Havers spoke beyond what is typical for a Lieutenant and Captain. The words and the soft smiles gushing out of him. What if Havers’ mother overheard her son expressing his desire to hold his Captain’s hand? Would Havers’ father punch him? Throw him to the streets? Report him even…
Yet Havers seemed entirely at ease, no anxiety or apprehension about the next week’s events. He bopped his head happily to the tune playing on the car radio. The Captain wanted to frown and scowl in envy and bitterness, but the freckles on Havers’ pale skin distracted him and so instead he merely stared.
He swore he saw Havers smile widening.
The journey passed far too quickly in The Captain’s opinion. Havers’ paid the driver as The Captain retrieved their belongings, desperately trying to slow his breathing. The car drove away, the bags piled neatly at the front door of the Havers family home. The Captain had nowhere to run.
“Teddy, it is going to be okay. My family are very warm, welcoming people. They will be honoured to meet an army Captain so soon after the end of the war, they will probably be just as keen to persuade you to like them as you are for them to like you.” Havers said softly, he looked down at the Captain’s mouth, but The Captain shook his head, just half an inch, to indicate no.
Havers looked a little sad, but accepted his decision and looked away towards the front door.
“Well, over the top we go.”
The knocks on the heavy wooden front door boomed through The Captain’s head like bombs. He screwed his eyes shut, and felt Havers squeeze his hand and then quickly let go. His shoulders relaxed a little.
“Oh William my boy! I can’t begin to tell you how happy I am to see that you are okay after that God awful war.”
A small, silver haired woman wearing a yellow nightdress and cozy slippers smiled up at her son before wrapping her arms around his middle. Havers returned the affection, a large grin across his face, clearly overjoyed to see her. The Captain’s heart clenched.
“And you must be the one I keep hearing about! Our little family hosting a real military captain, oh the honour.” Havers’ mother beamed up at the Captain, who was already at a loss for words.
“No that is- I er- no need for.” He stuttered, unable to finish even one sentence.
“So modest, and handsome too! Well follow me in, boys, don’t let all the cold air in my house!” She finished, before retreating inside. The Captain and Havers picked up their bags and followed, Havers shutting the door with a click that The Captain swore he felt in his very bones.
The sitting room was a happy, inviting place. A lush rug in the middle of hard wood floor. A cream sofa with too many plush pillows, and a greying worn armchair in one corner by the large window. Pictures of The Havers children were proudly displayed all around, as well as some more recent photos of some other children. A well used record player and shelving holding tens of records caught The Captain’s eye.
On the old armchair, a man in his late fifties was flicking through a newspaper. He set the paper down as he saw wife enter the room. Havers’ father was almost entirely bald, and had deep smile lines. He wore a t-shirt as grey as the arm chair he sat in, and red checked pattern bottoms. A younger woman sat nearby on the sofa, she looked more exhausted than her father, yet had not attempted to pretend to look distracted with any newspaper. She was practically about to fly off her seat to greet her brother.
“Will! Oh how lovely it is to see you.” She threw her arms around her brother the moment he stepped into the sitting room. Barely two seconds passed before she pulled away and turned to The Captain.
“Oh you must be the famous Captain! So wonderful to finally meet you. Will has told us all about you in his letters, of course.” The way she looked at Captain, as if he had hung the very moon in the sky, made him itchy under the collar. He smiled weakly at her and hoped it would be enough to convey friendliness. Clearly it worked to some degree, as she laughed and tackled him into a hug also.
“It is an honour, Captain. Thank you for all you have done for us and your help in winning this war.” Havers’ father’s voice was low and rough. The Captain felt himself blushing at the words.
“All in one’s duty sir. Were you involved in the war effort?” He asked, keen to involve himself in a conversation he knew he would have much to say about, as well as would not make him panic.
“Not this war no. I was a pilot in The Great War, but my vision is so poor nowadays they excused me from service. I was devastated, every man should fight for his country. Every woman too.” Mr Havers explained. Mrs Havers nodded proudly.
“I was in the factories making guns, our Martha here did two days a week in the same factory, caring for her family the other days, of course.”
The Captain relaxed slightly, the family all seemed a lot more welcoming than he had anticipated. He reminded himself that the questions about him would likely start tomorrow, God forbid.
Havers and The Captain sat down on the sofa. Mrs Havers prepared a pot of tea for everyone and they chatted politely for an hour, largely about the end of the war.
At 0030 hours, Havers stood up and stretched.
“I think it is time for bed, see you all at breakfast.” He said, and his parents and sister smiled and said their goodnights. The Captain stood up but did not follow, fear coursing through his whole body.
“I-I um, could somebody p-please inform me where I am to find a blanket maybe, for m-me to sleep with over these next few days?” He stuttered, not quite meeting anyones eye.
The room became deadly silent for a painfully long time. Mr and Mrs Havers looked at each other, silently communicating. Martha looked at the floor as if solemn, but The Captain swore he saw a flash of a smile as her head lowered. Just as Mrs Havers began to open her mouth, Havers voice started.
“Follow me Teddy, I’ll show you.”
They said their final goodnights and went upstairs, carrying their bags on their back. Havers pointed out the bathroom for The Captain to change for bed.
Once alone, he splashed cold water against his skin until it shone red, brushed his teeth for far too long, and combed his hair until not a single strand was out of place. The idea of a member of Havers family seeing him whilst asleep was repulsive. He decided then and there that he would go for an extra early morning run whilst he remained at the house. Best to be awake before everyone else, make sure nobody catches you when you are off guard.
A single door was half open on the upstairs landing as The Captain vacated the bathroom. He peaked his head in and saw Havers wearing striped pyjama shorts and a tight vest top. He gulped.
Havers bedroom was a lot brighter than The Captain had anticipated. Pale yellow curtains covered a large window, with a small red loveseat underneath. A double bed was centred in the middle of the room, with a wooden bureau on one side and a table and lamp on the other. The walls were lined with blue and white striped paper. Several pictures of Havers with a small boy were hung on the walls, as well as a larger photo of his parents, sister and himself which looked to be from about 15 years earlier.
“Ah don’t you look handsome in your night clothes.” Havers whispered, eyes moving over the Captain’s white t-shirt and black cotton shorts. The Captain attempted a smile. Havers moved to sit on the bed.
“Oh by the way, the blankets you ordered.” Havers said to him, patting on the bed next to himself.
“W-what?”
“Teddy, they do know.”
The Captain blinked at him.
“Are you okay?”
He hadn’t realised he wasn’t breathing until he was being pushed to sit down on the bed by Havers.
“Breathe with me, Teddy. Come on now.”
Havers knelt in-front of him and pushed his hands against The Captain’s thighs, grounding him. He breathed slowly and audibly, and eventually The Captain was able to regulate his own breathing to match.
Once The Captain had calmed down, he tried to stand up again but Havers pushed him down once more.
“Don’t be foolish, you need to rest. You also need to let me explain.”
The Captain stayed where he was, so Havers began to speak.
“My parents knew about me when I was 12. I know I have had it better than many other boys in my situation. My father was not at all happy when he realised he had a homosexual for a son, but he never hated me. Never tried to beat me or kick me out onto the streets like other fathers would have. He didn’t speak to me much for the first six months, but after a while all was mostly back to normal between us. My mother cried a bit, but she actually hugged me on the day she found out. Told me she loved me, in fact. She was always very worried that I would be alone, never have a family like Martha. That I would be unhappy, I suppose. Honestly my family and I do not talk about it much, but it’s there.” He explained. The Captain listened intently to every word.
“And as for you, well I confess I had no immediate plans to tell them. I just wrote them letters during the war and they figured it out I suppose. I was not exactly subtle. When I expressed a month or so a go that I was thinking about inviting you to stay with us for a time, my mother especially seemed thrilled, as if all her worry for me had disappeared.”
The Captain swallowed, hard.
“B-but even if they are okay with us both being…that way, how could it be allowed that we sleep in the same bed? It is not proper, William.” The Captain said firmly, once again trying to sit up. He was too slow however, Havers outstretched arm catching him.
“They do not mind, Teddy. About any of it. They know who I am, what I have done with men. They accept it.”
The Captain didn’t know what to say. He could not imagine any parent acting this way when finding out about their child’s…preferences. Particularly knowing their son was currently sharing a bed with another man under their roof. He shivered.
“Teddy, you have had a stressful day. Forget that, you have had a stressful six years! Come to bed, let us sleep.”
Slowly, The Captain fully laid down on Havers bed, moving his body to allow Havers to drag his duvet out from underneath him, and then cover them both with it. The Captain and Havers had shared beds before at Button House of course, but the intimacy of it never failed to make The Captain’s head spin.
Havers turned to lay on his side, and The Captain copied him.
“I can hear your breathing, it’s too fast love, are you okay? Can I help?” Havers asked, concerned.
“I j-just, I feel so exposed.”
Havers hummed, and seemed to be deep in thought for a moment. He clicked his bedside lamp off, then pulled the thick duvet over both of their heads until neither of them could see an inch in front of their own eyes.
“Now it is only us in the world.”
“I wish.” The Captain replied, a little too sincerely.
Then Havers was kissing him, his hand on The Captain’s jaw. They leaned into each other’s space, breathing each other in. The Captain sighed softly into Havers mouth.
—-
The Captain had barely slept two hours in Havers bed. He tossed and turned, listening to his partner’s soft snores. At 0600 he got ready for his morning run, slipping out the back door and running through the forest just a mile from the Havers family home. The time alone granted him the first moment of quiet inside his own brain for weeks.
The war was over. He and William had survived it, together. Now he was meeting Havers family, his family that knew he was romantically involved with their son and yet treated him like a hero just because he had helped the country somewhat. He wondered how they would treat him if he were merely a soldier, or had never been made to sign up at all.
He arrived back at the Havers house at just past 0700 hours. The brisk morning air had minimised the amount of sweat he had produced whilst running, but he still wanted to clean himself as soon as possible.
The Captain entered the empty sitting room, deciding to steal a few moments in Mr Havers arm chair whilst it was still so early in the morning. He sat, closed his eyes and leaned his head back.
His eyes snapped open again.
They landed on the middle of the worn, plush sofa. A baby, no more than a year old, was sitting there, quite content. They wore a crisp white long sleeved shirt and brown overalls. Each foot was covered with a pale grey sock with a pattern of little blue boats. A soft mess of blonde hair barely covered their large head, and a pair of big, blue eyes stared across at The Captain’s face.
“Oh! Hello!” The Captain exclaimed, out of what could only be pure awkwardness. He had less than zero experience with children, and babies in particular he felt clueless with (and maybe slightly intimidated by). The baby blinked at him.
“Are y-you okay?” Again The Captain felt foolish asking questions such as these to a baby, but he was so confused as to why a baby was sitting alone in what he thought was an empty entire ground floor of the house, that he apparently just said whatever came to his mind first.
The baby, (possibly wanting to ease his awkwardness) picked up a bottle of milk that had been propped up beside them, and began to drink.
The Captain let out a breath he did not know he had been holding. He had heard Havers speak of a nephew, but he had no idea he would be so young. He had expected to have a small child asking him silly, repetitive questions, and tiring him out by merely looking at them running to and fro. He had not anticipated soft cooing, crawling, and to hear a baby crying. Though come to think of it, he had been awake most of the night and had heard no trace of a baby.
The baby drained half their milk, then tossed the bottle aside onto the sofa where it lay horizontally, the top dangerously near to touching the cushions. The Captain scrambled off the armchair to catch it, panicking about ruining the upholstery with milk. He placed the bottle on a nearby coffee table, then slowly edged to sit down on the edge of the sofa.
He sat, statue still with his legs tightly together and arms crossed. He couldn’t take his eyes off the baby, terrified of some harm coming to them. What if the baby tried to climb down off the sofa? Or fell head first due to their oversized baby head? The baby seemed completely unimpressed by his seriousness, and crawled towards The Captain. He watched as the baby slowly clambered up his knee, their chubby limbs flailing under them. Finally they sat themselves down on The Captain’s lap, and stretched out one arm. Before he could make sense of the last five minutes, (and how he now somehow had an infant on his lap) a tiny hand was prodding at The Captain’s moustache.
The baby ran their fingers through the bristly hair, and The Captain could’t help but to laugh at the absurdity. The baby laughed too, poking their little fingers at his top lip.
“Do you mind, little one? You may have to wait a few years before you can grow one of these yourself! If you want one that is. I think they are rather fetching.” He spoke softly to the baby, who stared at him in wonder, hand frozen on his moustache.
“Will you help me with something? I think we should team up and convince your Uncle Havers to grow one just like this, don’t you think? It will be very handsome on him I am certain.” The Captain grinned cheekily at the baby, who squirmed in his lap, before getting to two shaky little feet. The Captain held a tiny hand in each of his own.
“Ahh most impressive! Much better than many of the soldiers I had to be in charge of at Button House, I tell you. The bally nerve of some of them…”
—-
Martha Havers was looking through the small internal window, allowing her an excellent view from the kitchen to the sitting room. The Captain was bouncing her baby on his knees, both of them looked to be laughing.
Trust baby Dorothy to bring him out of his shell.
“I would not go in there Martha. If he knows you have been watching him you’ll spook him. It was a nightmare just convincing him to show up, I’ll tell you.”
Havers smiled grimly at his sister, whilst also looking through the small window. His eyes flitted between The Captain and his baby niece, a warm glow in his chest dampening the anxiety.
“He is so sweet Will, so good with her. I’ve been watching for fifteen minutes now, so patient.” Martha spoke, fondly.
“Yes, quite.”
“…Do you… would you have done it? If you could? Had a family with him?” She asked, nervously. Unsure of whether this was an insensitive question. Havers laughed.
“I think both me and my Captain are a little too old to be having newborns at this age.” He joked, but the humour did not quite meet his eyes. Martha shook her head.
“Well, a pair of excellent uncles you make, anyways. You’ll be first on the list for babysitting when me and Peter want a night to ourselves.”
“Oh I cannot wait for that.” Havers said sarcastically, but his grin was wide.
“It hurts that I have only met her on two occasions, yet she can already stand. My own niece a stranger.” Havers sighed, looking over at the baby once again.
“Even Henry I have spent far too little of his four years with him, I feel terrible for not putting my family first.” Havers explained, almost an apology. Martha shook her head, exasperated.
“William honestly! How were you not putting your family first when you were in that house, working on that project? When you went to North Africa and fought on the front lines, was that not putting mother and father first? Henry and Dorothy first? Enough of this silly talk, Lieutenant.” Martha scolded him. Havers gave her an appreciative smile.
“Speaking of, where is little Hen-”
Half way through the word, an almighty crash came from the floor above. Suddenly the stairs came to life, incoming bangs and booms made Havers wince and have to resist covering his ears with his hands.
“Henry! Walk down those stairs do not run and fall again!” Martha shouted, but her son was already in front of her before she could finish her sentence.
“Sorry mummy you were too slow, I had already finished the stairs!”
Henry had light brown hair that curled in ringlets down to his ears. His cheeks deep with dimples, and eyes a bright pale blue. He was wearing a dark blue collared shirt and red bowtie, and brown shorts stopping just above his scabbed knees. His little feet tapped repeatedly against the floor, covered in yellow socks patterned with tiny planes.
“Uncle William!” Henry shouted, running and flinging himself at Havers legs. He picked his nephew up and squeezed him.
“Ah Henry look at you! So tall, and so handsome!” He placed Henry on his hip so he could look at his face as he spoke to him.
“I’m wearing your socks Uncle William, the airplane socks! They are my favourite socks ever.” He lifted his left foot up to show it off. Havers smiled happily.
“Ahh excellent. Very neat.”
“Uncle William?”
“Yes Henry?”
“Daddy said we won the war, does this mean you get to be here more now? Not fighting?” Henry asked. The boy attempted to sound merely curious, but Havers could tell he was pushing down hope.
“Yes my boy, you will have to see a lot more of me from now on.” Havers replied, grinning.
Henry beamed at him.
Martha and Havers chatted for a few minutes as Henry ran around the kitchen, proudly wearing Havers’ cap from his uniform. He squealed excitedly between shouting all kinds of military words and orders. The back of Havers neck itched whenever he heard words such as “guns” or “attack”.
“Henry?” He looked up from his game.
“Would you go and fetch your sister for us? Carry her to the kitchen?” Havers asked, grinning.
“Where is she?”
“In the sitting room, love. There’s a good lad.” Martha whacked her brother with a tea towel once Henry was out of view.
“So cruel to him, Will! A baby and a four year old to deal with at this time of the morning.” Martha scolded, but she, like Havers, laughed as they watched Henry skip into the sitting room.
—
The baby was sitting on The Captain’s left knee. He slowly bounced his legs in an attempt at lulling the little one to sleep. The Captain heard a soft yawn and smiled, wondering if it was indeed the bouncing, or the old (chosen specifically to be some of the more pleasant) stories of his time at Button House that he was reciting quietly out loud.
“-and his cover drive once again won us the match! The boys from the village were furious I’ll tell you. Your Uncle is certainly-” The Captain stopped and looked up towards the door.
Henry stopped in the middle of the room, staring at The Captain, then the baby, then The Captain once more.
“Who are you?” He asked
“I am a friend of William, and who might you be?” He asked the child, curiously.
“Are you Uncle William’s Captain friend?” Henry asked excitedly.
“Why yes.”
“A real Captain! I’m Henry. This is my house. Did you get to fly lots of planes?” He asked, practically jumping up and down on the spot he stood, red dimpled cheeks and eyes large with wonder.
“Nice to meet you Henry. Sadly I have never been in a plane. And who is this on my knee?” He asked, smiling.
“That’s my baby sister Dorothy. I’ve never been in a plane either, Mr Captain! Have you been on a boat?” Henry pressed on.
Finally the answer to his strange morning so far. Somehow Havers had forgotten to mention that he had both a nephew and niece. He looked down at Dorothy to see her reaching out and making grabby hands at her brother.
“I have been on lots of boats yes.” The Captain told him. Henry walked forwards and began to grab at Dorothy.
“I like boats.” He said simply, not explaining why on earth he was attempting to prise his sister off The Captain’s knee.
“Henry lad, what are you doing?” He asked, alarmed.
“Uncle William asked me to bring Dorothy to the kitchen.”
“Do you usually carry her all by yourself?” The Captain winced as he felt Dorothy’s weight leave his lap completely. Henry stood with his sister in his arms, barely able to see where he was going for her oversized head blocked his view.
“All the time, Mr Captain!” Henry told him, proudly. He began to march away towards the door, The Captain followed instinctively.
“Perhaps I should follow, just to make sure…” He trailed off as Henry almost whacked Dorothy’s head against a wall. Henry continued on, unaware.
Dorothy herself looked entirely content with the situation. She looked around the hallway from her brother’s arms, laughing when she caught sight of The Captain attempting to keep up with the speed of the boy.
Once in the kitchen, The Captain heard laughter. He looked up to see Martha and Havers poorly hiding their grins behind their hands.
“You! You set this up!” The Captain accused, and Martha and Havers stopped any attempts at hiding their giggles.