Chapter Text
“Tonight’s top story is the attack on an elementary school here in New York. And not just any elementary school, the school where Steve Rogers and James Buchanan Barnes send their children. While disaster was striking all over the world, the Rogers family children were the real target. The school has asked that their name not be broadcasted for the safety of it’s students and faculty. What we can say is this: At 9:30 am this morning the Rogers children’s school was invaded by four dozen highly trained assassins belonging to the same organization that captured and tortured James Barnes for seventy years. It’s unclear what their motives were at this time, although the evidence suggests this was either a kidnapping or an attempt on the children’s lives. Amazingly none of the students at the school were harmed. The scene ended in a massacre of the assassins themselves. Several known vigilantes came to the aid of the children including Hell’s Kitchen’s Daredevil. It seems New York’s Superhero community takes care of its own. The rest of the story is still being uncovered. We’d like to remind you all that their safety does depend on our digression. Here at CNN Nightly News we strive to tell you the story without harming those who defend us. We’ll update you when we have more information.”
.oOo.
“It’s officially been three months since the attack that has left our heroes reeling. There has been no sign of Captain America or his family since the attack on the children’s elementary school in January. Although the public has been assured this is not a kidnapping, no other information has been given at this time. Some concerns have been raised about what this means for Captain America’s career as a superhero. With us tonight is Dr. Dylan Hunter from the Smithsonian Institute to tell us what he thinks about this crisis.”
.oOo.
Deep In the Canadian Wilderness
“GO AWAY!” Sasha screams at the top of her lungs. The raccoon bursts out of the hen house followed closely by three angry hens. The raccoon climbs up the chicken wire fence and flees once he gets to the other side. Sasha furiously shoos him with a broom. Bucky takes aim at the animal from the porch. Sasha looks up abruptly. “No! Mamma don’t!”
Bucky lowers his gun and gives her a disapproving look. “If you don’t want it to come back, the easiest way is just to kill it.”
“He was just doing his thing, though. He doesn’t know any better. Where’s Daddy? Maybe he could put a roof on the chicken pen. That’d keep him out, right?”
“Is everybody okay!?” Steve says as he comes sprinting from the woods. He’d been out getting firewood.
“It was just the raccoon again.” Jamie explains. He’s sitting on the porch reading a book. His reading skills have improved massively in the time he’s had to concentrate on improving them.
“Oh…” Steve takes a deep breath. “Sasha you scared me.” He admonishes.
“Sorry, he was in there eating the eggs again. I should clean that up, I’m sure it’s a mess.” Sasha carries her broom inside and goes to get some gloves.
Bucky gulps and meets eyes with Steve for only a fraction of a second before his disappears into the cabin fiddling with the zipper on his heavy coat. He’s shutting Steve out again right before his eyes. He follows Bucky into the house.
“Hey Buck, you got any ideas on how to keep the animals away?” Steve asks from the entryway. Bucky was about to slip into the bedroom when Steve caught him. Bucky doesn’t look at him.
“You could try peeing around the perimeter.”
“You’re kidding, right?” Steve chuckles awkwardly. Sasha squeezes past him grumbling to herself.
“Nah, it works. Mark your territory. They can smell you’re an alpha in your piss. Works on wolves and foxes, why not raccoons?” Bucky gives Steve one little glance. His eyes beg for forgiveness. “I’m sorry, I’m not feeling so good again. I’m going to lie down for a while.”
“Yeah, you do that Buck.” Steve tries to smile reassuringly but he knows he just looks sad. Bucky nods and disappears into the dark bedroom. Steve looks at the cases of water bottles they have stacked up in the corner. He sighs. “Challenge accepted, I guess.”
.oOo.
Bucky lays down on Steve’s side of the bed. He drags the alpha’s pillow right up to his face and inhales the scent of him in deep, needy breaths. It takes him over a minute to be satisfied. Once he feels light headed but also satiated, he lingers with his face pressed into the dark blue pillowcase.
It feels wrong to miss someone right there but he can’t help it. He doesn’t want Steve to touch him like he’s the most precious thing in the universe. He can’t handle being loved like that, not when he hates himself so God damned much. Steve doesn’t see why. How could he? Steve only ever sees the best in him. Even when he was a mindless killing machine, Steve still loved him. Somehow he managed to live in denial for a few years but the fact is, Bucky is a broken piece of useless, marred flesh. He was better off when all that he was, was The Winter Soldier. The Winter Soldier would have never been so weak. He never would have given in to the longing Bucky had. Now that he’s grown a heart he can’t protect it anymore. He can’t protect his children, he can’t protect himself, and he can’t protect Steve. He has a list as tall as he is of all the things that went wrong during the incident. There were so many little errors that almost killed everything he loves. He looks back on the things he did and cringes. His stomach hurts.
He curls up into the fetal position and grits his teeth. He hates his body. He hates it for everything that’s been done to it to make it not his and he hates it because despite all of that it still isn’t enough. He was so happy when he thought… The look on Steve’s face when he told him he wanted to have another child will haunt him forever. Steve was beside himself with joy. He took that away from him. He couldn’t stay safe and he killed it. He’ll always hate himself for that. He doesn’t want his precious mate to be tarnished by his inadequacy. He wishes there was something he could do to make Steve see how unworthy he is. He tries every day to think of a way to make Steve not care. It feels like a hot blade in his chest to do it but he won’t give up. He’s got to protect him somehow. He doesn’t know what’s happening to his body. He might be going crazy or he might be dying. Either way he has to protect Steve from it somehow. So far the best method he’s found is silence.
.oOo.
Since Clint is still recovering and Cap is MIA, Thor generously offered to stay awhile after he showed up to help out of nowhere. He’s spent the past three months lounging around and sight-seeing. He’s never had the opportunity to do that while on earth and he’s taken to it like a pig in mud. Apparently the only thing the Asgardian King is better at than fighting is slacking off.
No one is talking about the elephant in the room. Just when Jane was starting to look into wedding dresses, all of a sudden her ex-boyfriend shows up. It was devastating. Undeniably Thor showing up was a blessing but it still felt like a wet blanket to Jane. Bruce didn’t care about Thor’s arrival much. He figured if worst comes to worst he and Thor will go duke it out in a desert or something. The only question then was when to tell him. Jane had wanted to forestall it as long as possible. For whatever reason, three months later Bruce and Jane finally worked out that this would be the day they’d tell him about their engagement.
It’s breakfast time and Thor is lounging in front of the TV eating…everything. He’s even worse than Steve and Bucky. The peanut gallery has casually gathered around the kitchen or somewhere else in the living room so they can observe the thing which is about to happen. Bruce has no idea what to expect from this encounter. He fidgets with his glasses as he approaches the enormous, blond god. Thor looks up from dunking a Poptart in Nutella.
“Good morning my friend! Sleep well?” He says before biting off half the Poptart.
“Sure did. Did you…” Bruce looks at the mess of blankets and the nest that Thor has made on the couch. Thor doesn’t appear to have moved from his spot in hours. “Sleep here?”
“I did! It was glorious! I must find a way to make this television in Asgard. We could have so many useful tools for just the low price of dollars nineteen ninety-five. Is that a low price for your monetary system?”
“In the United States it’s alright.” Bruce sits down on one of the couches that Thor and his snacks aren’t spread all over. Thor abandons the Nutella and Poptarts for some salty potato chips.
“I see. I tried to call and offer them gold for a fascinating block that chops but they kept asking if I am a credit to my card. It was very confusing. I decided the block that chops was not worth it.” He answers with his mouth full of chips.
From behind Thor the peanut gallery is looking restless. Tony is casually pouring then re-pouring his coffee. Jane is fidgeting by the counter with a bowl of cereal in her hands. Clint and Natasha are snuggled together on an armchair watching the scene like content cats. They’re more expectant than restless. It was part of the plan that Darcy would be absent from this.
“So what is the great spectacle that I am missing?” Thor says as he finishes his bag of chips and moves on to a cup of noodles. Thor smiles at his friends, letting them know they’ve been caught.
“I guess the easiest way to say this is just to spit it out. Jane and I are getting married.” Bruce says calmly. The room braces for Thor’s reaction. Thor finishes slurping up his noodles and licks his lips.
“I know.”
“What?” Everyone asks at almost the same time. They’ve all been extremely careful to avoid any indication of it since Thor has arrived.
Thor chuckles to himself. His right eyebrow twitches as he stirs the hot broth in his Styrofoam cup. “I’ve been keeping an eye on all of you for many years now. There was a celebration on Asgard on the day of your Christmas in honor of your engagement.”
“You knew this whole time and you didn’t say anything?” Jane asks in a pitchy voice. “Why?!”
Thor frowns. “Because I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to know. I take no offense to your engagement but I thought perhaps you would find my knowledge of your affairs uncomfortable. I was trying to be considerate.”
“Oh.” Jane covers her eyes. “I- I’m sorry I’ve just been stressing out over nothing for three months.” Jane’s hands shakes as she rests one on the counter and the other one runs through her hair.
“Do not trouble yourself over it. I never had any expectation that you’d remain loyal to me after what became of me.” Thor shakes his head.
“What happened?” Bruce asks concernedly.
“I…” Thor stops and purses his lips. “My life is no longer my own. I am King of Asgard and I am… busy.”
“You don’t look busy to me.” Tony notes. He’s getting really tired of Thor and his newfound tendency to trail off during the interesting bits. Thor looks down at himself in his nest of blankets and junk food. He sighs deeply and decompresses into the heap.
“Would you believe me if I told you it has been nine years since the last time I had the opportunity to be so idle?” They would.
“What have you been doing for the past nine years?” Bruce asks.
“The job of two with help from no one.” Thor rubs his eye until the lower lid pulls downward in a most unattractive fashion. The geniuses in the room are about to put it together when suddenly a thunderous booming noise comes from the roof. Thor laments while the rest of them flinch.
“Attack?” Clint asks.
“Bifrost. I thought I smelled it. Wait here.” Thor gets up and walks to the stairs that will take him to the roof.
.oOo.
Steve has drank seven water bottles in the past hour. He paces around the line between their yard and the forest waiting for his kidneys to get with the program. Billy woke up from his nap which means Bucky called off his nap to take care of Billy. Bucky currently sits on the porch with Billy playing blocks while the two year old babbles some kind of story. Sounds of cooking filter through the screen door. The twins are making lunch today. It’s March and the weather is forgiving enough that the door sometimes gets left open so that the heat from the wood stove will waft out. They still haven’t mastered balancing the heating yet. Roger sighs from his spot in his bed. Roger’s bed is either outside on the porch or by the couches depending on the time of day. Currently he’s by Bucky’s side. He perks his ear up but not his head when Steve rounds the corner and comes within twenty feet of the porch.
Steve looks up from the ground and smiles at his mate every time he makes a revolution. Bucky watches him as he paces and gives him a bleary smile back every time Steve looks at him. He tells himself that this kind of intimacy isn’t going to hurt anything. He has to give him something. Biologically it’s probably not possible to completely disconnect from Steve like he should.
Billy looks between his parents and sees this as some sort of opportunity. He gets up on his feet and bolts over to his father.
“Oh hey!” Steve says, bending down to catch the toddler when he comes barreling into him.
“Adda!” Billy chirps triumphantly. Steve hoists him up into his arms. It feels uncomfortable with so much water in him but he ignores it so he can hold his youngest.
“Boo Ba, why the sudden visit?” Steve asks his son. Their noses touch for a second before Billy starts laughing mischievously and patting Steve’s face. One corner of Bucky’s mouth upturns but he stays put on the porch.
“Why isses no Momma kisses?” Billy asks in his baby lisp. Steve and Bucky both feel the sting of his meaning.
“What?” Steve says not quite believing Billy could grasp a concept like the distance that’s grown between him and Bucky.
Billy kisses his hands several times with gusto then whines. “No kisses id Ommy?” Steve’s look of surprise falls to something much lonelier, which seems to upset Billy further. He whimpers.
Bucky’s nostrils flare. If this goes on another minute he’s going to damn it all and go kiss his mate just for Billy’s sake. The Winter Soldier would allow that. He could kiss Steve for the sake of their baby. That would be a valid loophole. The door to the cabin opens.
“Umm.” Jamie clears his throat in the doorway. He probably overheard that little exchange. “The food is done. We should eat before it gets cold.”
“Food time!” Steve says, snapping to a silly face for Billy. Billy laughs once before Steve is cradling him to his shoulder and bringing him into the cabin.
Lunch is quiet like usual. All of their meals are in close to silence. They fill the void by watching a movie. They don’t have a dining table so they sit on the two couches by the TV. It’s a snug arrangement. There’s only about six feet from the TV to the couch but it’s cozy and they like it. Usually Sasha and Steve sit on one couch and Bucky, Jamie, and Billy sit on the other. Tonight though Jamie takes a seat next to his sister.
Steve slowly sits down next to Bucky with his plate in hand. He tries to keep as much space between them as possible for Bucky’s sake. There’s scarcely six inches between their hips. Steve and Bucky do their best not to look at each other while they eat. Sasha hits to remote to turn the movie on. It’s some show from the seventies set in the nineteen thirties about a beautiful male omega stopping at nothing to free his friend from a human trafficking ring. Sasha and Jamie mock the period appropriate language that gets used. They’re pretty comical. Steve cracks up a couple of times when he really shouldn’t but the twins are just too funny. Bucky lets Billy down once he’s done with his dinner. He goes to the dog for cuddles first thing. Roger Rogers adjusts himself so there is room for them both on his bed. Bucky glances at Steve. He wants to fit himself against his side so his mate will put an arm over his shoulders and rub his side. Bucky would gorge himself on that marvelous scent while he nuzzles his face into Steve’s neck and kiss until he leaves bright red patches.
But then he remembers their baby crying. He remembers the blood that trickled down between his legs while Steve tried to patch him up. He sees how afraid Steve was. How many times does he have to almost die in front of him? He remembers sobbing in the hospital while they cut him open during surgery. After they were done patching up the damage, Steve asked him if he wanted them to check about the pregnancy. Bucky had shook his head and laughed. He laughed at Steve for his concern for their unborn child. The child that never was. That little life that was meant to be proof that their family is stronger than the evil that would do it harm. Steve wanted that life so badly and so had he. But he let it die. He told Steve there was nothing to look for and then he sat in the wheel chair so Steve could take him home. It was a rush job. Rushed on Bucky’s insistence because he was desperate to escape before the next wave of destruction hit them. He couldn’t stand to sit like a target in some hospital. Not when he’d already failed Steve so horribly. He’s failed Steve. He doesn’t deserve him.
Bucky gets up and goes to the bedroom. He closes the door without any explanation.