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Ochako Uraraka could faintly remember the first time she’d learned about colors. She could remember the sound of her mother’s voice, teaching her all the colors of the rainbow when she was only two years old.
“Pink,” her mother had said, pointing to the brightly colored flamingo on the page of the picture book Ochako loved. “Red,” she’d said with a laugh as Ochako eagerly slammed her hand down on the picture of a wiry, cunning little fox.
When she was younger, her mother had taught her about every color there was to know, from green to orange to blue to gold. Ochako had believed everything she’d been told because… why wouldn’t she? Her mother was there to teach her how the world worked. She would never lie to her.
But now, over a decade later, Ochako wondered if perhaps there were some colors her mother had neglected to teach her.
For example, Ochako knew that the blood on her hands was red. But it wasn’t a red that she had ever seen before. It was a dark red. A fresh red. A red that was deep, and shiny, and new. A red that invigorated Ochako, spreading warmth and excitement throughout her entire body.
She could watch this shade of red, and she could feel it with her whole being. Feel the way it tasted, and smelled. Feel the way it oozed and dripped and flowed across her skin.
The red wasn’t by itself, either. Ochako had never seen the way a color could contrast so perfectly with the silver of metal, the silver of a knife. A silver that reflected the beams of the overhead light as well as the shine in Ochako’s eyes, which were wide, and unblinking.
Ochako clenched her grip on the knife, her eyes going in and out of focus, a deep, shuddering breath escaping her lungs. She inhaled, her vision blurring at the edges, her sweat dripping off of her body and mixing with the blood, creating a color even further from the red she’d once known.
Ochako blinked, her eyes widening. She lifted the knife up to her face, freezing in place as she stared at it.
After a moment, her entire body flinched, the knife falling from her grasp, clattering to the floor, the noise echoing and reverberating around Ochako’s skull. She gasped for breath, her hands shaking.
She squatted down, reaching a trembling hand out to pick up the knife. Her hand brushed against something else. Something… an entirely different color from the silver of stainless steel.
Ochako’s eyes widened as her vision came into focus, taking in the thing before her.
Her mother laid on the cold hard kitchen tiles, her face pale and limbs spread out haphazardly across the floor. Nearly all of her flesh was covered by the red-like color. The color on Ochako’s hand, on Ochako’s knife. The color that her mother had conveniently forgotten to teach Ochako about. The color itself covered so much of her skin that Ochako could barely make out the details of her face, her mouth and nose practically filled with layers upon layers of the color.
Ochako could see her eyes though. One eye was half closed, the other wide open. Just a few minutes ago, her eyes had been brown. Now, they were an entirely different color, a new color. The old brown was now covered in a new layer of tears, and blood, and the light reflecting off of them from the overhead lights in the kitchen, and…
Her mother stared up at her, her eyes and expression blank.
Ochako’s eyes widened. Her vision cleared, her eyes refocusing on her surroundings. She flinched, moving back away from her mother’s body.
She blinked, staring at the body.
“Wha- what…” Ochako said aloud to herself in the very close to empty room. She stared at her mother, something cold and sharp clamping around her heart. Tears pricked at the corner of her eyes.
She… she’s…
Her stomach dropped, a feeling of horror overtaking her. She gasped, the tears falling.
Ochako brought her red-covered hands up to her face, the blood staining her pink cheeks and mixing with the tears now flowing down her face. She breathed heavily, a painful, awful feeling stabbing her in the gut.
A noise creaked from behind her. Her eyes widened, a surge of adrenaline running through her veins, dispelling her feeling of fear. She turned around, her heart rate beating even faster in her chest than it had been before, her own red blood flowing faster and faster throughout her entire body.
Her eyes widened, scanning over the room for any sign of life.
Nothing.
Ochako relaxed her muscles, but her heart rate didn’t slow.
She blinked, a realization enveloping her.
Where’s father? She thought.
Her eyes widened. Her breath caught in her throat. For a moment, she thought her heart stopped.
…Did I kill him too?
Ochako’s bottom lip shook, and she let out a sob. Her knees buckled from underneath her. She nearly crashed down to the floor, her hand darting out at the last second to grab a hold of the kitchen counter. She gasped, leaning her weight on the marble countertop.
The blood on her hands dripped off of her skin, creating pools of yet another new color on the off-white of the marble.
Ochako swallowed, eyes flitting downwards towards the floor, where the silver knife still rested next to her mother’s body. She crouched down, reaching out her hand. She hesitated for a moment, her eyes bouncing between the knife and her mother.
She snatched the knife, bringing it close to her. She stared hard at the cold metal, her eyes growing larger as she could almost start to see her reflection. She stared at herself, swallowing down her spit.
She didn’t dare to blink, her eyes fixed on their own mirrored image.
Ochako tilted her head to the side, noticing that there was now something just a little bit different about her reflection. Her eyes. They were exactly the same color as they had been before, but… in a different way. Ochako knew that they were the same. Looked the same. But, looking at herself, she didn’t feel the same.
Will I ever feel the same? She thought, her eyes widening. Ever again?
She looked down at her mother’s body. Her mother stared back up at her, her eyes just as blank as they had been before. Ochako stared back at them, her heart clenching in her chest as a realization hit her.
I can’t stay here. Her eyes widened, her heart rate feeling as if it had stopped dead in her chest. I have to leave.
Ochako tightened her grip on the knife, a violent shudder coursing through her body. She looked at her mother one last time, a second wave of tears sliding down her face.
Her jaw clenched. Her bottom lip quivered.
She ran out of the room to the front door of the house. Ochako opened the door, and ran away, knife still tight in her grasp.
She ran for years and years, or maybe just a few minutes, her knife in her hand, blood dripping off of her body with every step, leaving a trail of red until all the blood had either been spent or dried up.
Ochako, mind tired and hazy, forced herself to keep running until she had completely run out of breath.
She ended up in the forest, palm sweating from keeping her death grip on the knife, her lungs gasping for breath. She paused in the middle of the dirt path, her hands on her knees, panting.
After a few minutes, she looked up, eyes taking in her surroundings.
She was in the middle of the woods. More specifically, a part of it that she didn’t believe she’d ever been before. The trees were tall. So tall, in fact, that Ochako’s blurry vision wasn’t good enough for her to see the top of them. The branches reached out over her head, their long limbs reminding Ochako of lithe human fingers. They looked almost sharp too, sharp enough to remind Ochako of needles. Or fingernails. Or…
Knives.
With a trembling hand, Ochako held up the knife in her hand, eyes widening as she examined it. She turned her attention back up to the trees, her breathing becoming faster and faster as she took in the color of the branches.
The trees were brown, but not brown in the same way most trees are brown. Brown in the way mud was brown. Mud…
Ochako looked down at the ground she was standing on, heart rate increasing as she realized that blood was still dripping down from the knife in her hand, the red trickling down onto the dirt, mixing together to create something very much like mud… but a very different color.
She looked back up at the branches, her entire body tense. Her eyes scanned over the trees. Scanned over the colors. How would these trees look if they had the red of blood scattered all over them? Could… could Ochako make a new color? Yet another new color, one that her mother had never taught her about before?
Colors, colors, so many colors…
Ochako gasped, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. She reached up her hands, clutching at her skull. She gasped, and let out a sob, her tears streaking down her blood-stained skin.
Before she knew it, she had started running again, taking off through the woods. She didn’t pay attention to where she was going. It didn’t matter where she went. She just needed to go.
A long time later, she looked up again.
She gasped, her eyes taking in that she had stopped right next to a cliff. She whipped around, seeing that the edge of the forest was right behind her, just a few meters away. Ochako turned back around, taking a deep, shaky breath.
She tiptoed towards the edge, her knife still held tight in her hand.
The cliff came to an abrupt stop just a little bit in front of her. Ochako could see the city lights from where she stood atop of it, her eyes widening as she took in every little detail. Every little light. Every little color.
Ochako shuddered. She took a glance behind her, blinking in surprise. At some point, without realizing it, she must have started running up a hill to get to this point. Or…
Ochako turned back around towards the cliff, staring out at the large expanse of city far below her.
…Perhaps mountain was more accurate.
She looked out at the city, her heart clenching in her chest.
Ochako shifted her fingers, her grip loosening a little on the knife still in her hand. She gasped, lifting the knife up to her face. She stared at the knife, at the way it glimmered and shined in the moonlight. Her breathing was heavy, her heart rate just starting to slow down.
Her shoulders fell, and tears sprang to her eyes, flowing down her round cheeks. She whimpered, the knife falling out of her hand, landing with a thud in the dirt.
Ochako dropped to the ground beside it, a sob climbing up in the back of her throat. She cried, pulling her legs up to her chest and burying her face in her knees.
For how long she cried, she couldn’t say. It could have been only a few minutes. It felt like a lifetime.
Eventually, the tears came to a stop, the last few drops gently running down her face.
She took in a deep, shuddery breath, lifting her hand up to her eye level. She stared at it. Stared at the red, now dried liquid that still covered her fingers.
She could remember the feeling. The feeling from just a few hours ago. How it felt to take someone’s life.
Ochako gasped, her entire body trembling as the memory came up to the forefront of her mind.
The knife, the knife that was silver and sharp in color, and the way it slipped so easily through skin, penetrating the bloodstream, mixing with the red of blood to create an entirely new color, a color that Ochako had never seen before.
She could hear the way her mother screamed. Could just make out the sound of her begging, her wails, her cries…
A moment passed, the screams echoing around in Ochako’s mind.
When Ochako returned fully to the present, she found that her hand had reached out to grab the knife, her heart beating fast in her chest. Her breathing had slowed, a feeling of anticipation overtaking her body.
Ochako froze, her breath catching in her throat.
“Am I…” she whispered to herself, her eyes widening. “Am I… insane?”
For a few, long, moments, Ochako didn’t move, terror settling into every corner of her being.
More tears welled up in her eyes. Her bottom lip quivered. A moment passed. She didn’t move.
Ochako let out a wail, leaning her head forward and burying her face in her legs. She sobbed, rocking her body back and forth.
“W-why?” Ochako choked out, holding back another sob. “Why is this happening to me?” She lifted her head, pulling up her hand so she could see it clearly. Her fingertips were still stained by the same red as earlier, the same red that her mother had never taught her about. The same color that had blended with the silver of the knife, and contrasted with the mud brown of the dirt and the trees.
“Why?” she whispered, “Why can I see them?” More tears streamed down her face. “The c-colors…” Ochako whimpered a second time, burying her face deeper into her legs.
For a moment, it was silent, not a noise to be heard other than the sounds of her faint cries.
From about a meter behind her, someone spoke.
“...You see them too?”
Ochako froze.
She lifted up her head, her eyes widening. She didn’t turn around to see who it was, instead keeping her gaze locked on the city beyond the cliff. “W-what?”
Whoever it was giggled, their voice quiet, distinct. “The colors. You said you could see the colors.”
Ochako gasped. She stood up, whipping around to face the person. Her eyes widened, her heart skipping a beat, the blood draining from her face.
Himiko Toga watched her, her usual too-big smile stretched across her face. Her blonde hair was pulled up into its usual twin buns, her tan shirt wrinkled and speckled with dirt. Toga stepped forward, coming closer and closer to Ochako. Ochako’s muscles were frozen in place, preventing her from moving.
Toga grinned at her, her cheeks flushed and head tilted to the side. “Oh, Ochako, this is so great! I always hoped I’d find someone else who could see the colors.” She spun around as she walked, waving her arms in the direction her body moved. “It makes me so happy to find out that it’s you who can see them too!” She stepped forward another step, her smile widening. She reached her hand out, bringing it upwards towards Ochako’s face.
Ochako grabbed the other girl’s hand before it could make contact, holding it a centimeter away from her cheek. She leaned back, away from Toga, not letting go of her wrist. “You…” she said, her voice raspy from the hours of crying. Her eyes widened, her heart beating faster in fear. She gasped, her muscles tensing. Instinct took a hold of her body, controlling her actions towards the girl who had done so much to harm the people who’d once been in her life. “You, you’re…” Ochako swallowed, eyes flitting back and forth across Toga’s face. “You’re a villain.”
Toga’s face fell a little, her lips curling downwards into a frown. “Oh, Ocha…” She used her other arm to reach forward and lift up one of Ochako’s hands. Toga brought Ochako’s palm up to her face, pressing her lips to the blood-stained fingertips. She gave Ochako a small smile, her eyes growing wider. She let out a laugh, squeezing Ochako’s hand. “Ochako…” she repeated, her smile falling again. “You are too.”
Ochako’s mouth fell open a little, her entire body freezing in place. She stared at her hand where it still rested on top of Toga’s, eyes widening as she took in the red that still adorned her fingers. The red that still got her heart beating faster, her fingers twitching in excitement.
Ochako stared at her hand only a moment longer, bringing her gaze up to meet Toga’s.
Toga’s eyes were golden in color. But not the normal gold that you’d expect. They were a gold that lived and breathed, but in all the wrong ways. A gold that could take a glance at your soul and know everything there was to know about you, yet still crave to know more.
Ochako glanced back down to her hand, then down at the knife on the ground, then back up at Toga.
“You are too.”
Ochako’s eyes widened, her heart seeming to come to a stop in her chest.
She’s right.
I’m a villain.
Ochako let out a gasp.
I’m not better than she is anymore.
I’m not a better person than her.
We’re on the same level.
Equal.
Ochako’s bottom lip quivered, her breathing becoming shaky. Tears welled up in her eyes, and she broke eye contact with Toga, staring down at the ground as the fresh wave of teardrops ran down her face.
Toga blinked, her eyes widening at Ochako. She leaned forward, taking a hold of Ochako’s waist and pulling her closer. Ochako wrapped her arms around Toga’s neck, sobbing into her shoulder. Relief flowed through her, a feeling of almost comfort sparking inside of her at the chance to hold another person in her arms. Another body, just like her own. A body with flesh and blood. A body that lived and breathed.
Ochako gripped the back of Toga’s shirt, sobs racking her body and tears flowing down Toga’s shoulder. Toga reached a hand up to card through Ochako’s hair, her lithe fingers gently stroking Ochako’s scalp.
Ochako let out a shuddering breath, pulling Toga even closer. “T-toga…” she whimpered, even more tears flowing down her cheeks.
“Himiko,” the other girl corrected, whispering the word in Ochako’s ear.
Ochako let out a small gasp, a whirlwind of emotions coursing through her. She nodded, grasping her shirt tighter.
After a few more minutes, when Ochako’s crying had slowed, Himiko pulled away by a few centimeters, lifting a hand up to cup Ochako’s face.
Ochako didn’t release her grip on the other girl’s shirt, staring at Himiko, her eyes wide. She was almost fully leaning on Himiko, Himiko’s arms around her waist, supporting her weight.
Himiko smiled at her, leaning forward to press a kiss to Ochako’s cheek. Blood rushed to Ochako’s face, and she put her hand on her cheek, her heart rate increasing.
Himiko wiped the remaining tears off of Ochako’s face, their gazes locked. “Ochako…” she whispered, rubbing her thumb along Ochako’s cheekbone. “You can see the colors, just like I can. But…” she leaned forward, leaving another kiss on Ochako’s forehead. Ochako stared at her, her face pink and eyes wide. Himiko sighed, gazing down at her. “...You don’t know them, the colors, as well as I do. I’ve been seeing them for years.” Himiko’s eyes unfocused. She didn’t say anything for a long moment, her eyes staring off into the distance.
Himiko sighed, shaking her head, as if bringing herself back to the present. She looked back at Ochako, staring at her with her bright, golden eyes. “Would you-” Himiko paused and reached up a hand, carding her fingers through Ochako’s hair. “Would you want me to show them to you?” She looked down at her, her eyes flitting back and forth between Ochako’s. Himiko bit her lip, frozen in place as she stared at Ochako, waiting for her answer.
Ochako’s body shook, her eyes wide, her bottom lip quivering. Tears threatened to fall, but she willed them to stay where they were.
No, a very small part of her whispered in the back of her mind. A small part of her that she was sure must have been bigger at some point. Now, it was so small, Ochako could barely hear it.
Did she… did she even want to hear it?
Ochako didn’t know anymore. She didn’t know anything anymore.
Ochako looked up at Himiko, her eyes wide, her heart beating quickly in her chest.
But… Himiko did, and she was offering to teach her.
Ochako stared into Himiko’s eyes, hesitating for only a moment before she gave her answer.
She nodded, her heart squeezing inside of her.
Himiko smiled, a real, genuine smile. Her eyes shone, the golden color shifting to yet another color, a color that Ochako didn’t recognize. A color that Ochako didn’t quite understand.
But, she had a feeling… that one day she would.
Himiko leaned forward, pecking her on the nose before pulling her into a tight hug. Ochako wrapped her arms even tighter around the other girl’s shoulders, burying her face in the crook of her neck.
Himiko pulled away fully, forcing Ochako to remove her arms from her shoulders. Himiko reached out, taking Ochako’s hand in her own.
Himiko grinned at her, taking a few steps backwards, tugging on Ochako’s hand. Himiko looked back at the forest, squeezing Ochako’s fingers between her own, lifting her other hand to gesture for Ochako to follow her.
“Come on, Ochako.” Himiko’s smile widened, her eyes seeming to grow bigger. She bounced up and down, reaching forward and tugging on Ochako’s other hand with giddy excitement. “Let’s go,” she whispered.
Ochako gave her a small smile in return. Himiko pulled on her hand, and Ochako followed her into the woods, taking one last glance at the city behind her.
She followed her into the woods, where it was quiet.
Into the woods, where it was dark. Where shadows twisted down from the trees and danger lurked at every corner.
The woods, where there were colors. So many colors. Colors Ochako had never seen before. Colors she had never even begun to imagine.
They stepped into the trees, the shadows, the colors…
Ochako stepped inside, and knew that she was gone.