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The Infinite Longing

Summary:

From the sea of the unconscious, your past lives rise to the surface. Who are you, exactly?

The radio tower beckons. The loop will be broken.

___

Part 3 of the Endless Loop series!!

Notes:

For @Lun33dge once again! Both of these chapters are possible because of your continued support. Thank you!

best to read the two stories that come before this one first!
https://archiveofourown.org/series/2534926

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: The Question

Chapter Text

THE QUESTION




[Day 8]

 



From the sea of the unconscious

The Voice of the Ancients rises

Do you heed Our Call yet, Priestess?

 

If Ninomae Ina’nis squeezes her eyes shut hard enough, she can conjure a distant memory of hers. Away from endless loops. Away from entities and the supernatural and the unknown. Away from the pain of longing for something she herself is yet to understand.

 

When she was young, living in a small village near the ocean, she’d strayed too far from the borders of the territory, beyond the eyes of watchful adults. She’d found her way towards the edge of a nearby forest, at the entrance of an abandoned cabin that her parents had warned her to stay away from.

 

But Ninomae Ina’nis was young. And foolhardy. And in dreams and waking times she’d hear whispers and shouts constantly in her head. They call her. “Go to the cabin,” they had beckoned. “Inside you’ll find a key. Special key. To a special place locked away in the heart of the mountain.

 

Ina’nis had stood at the cabin’s door. The wood had mostly rotted away. The smell of damp had overwhelmed her senses. She felt, then, that maybe she should have turned and ran like her parents had said.

 

There were whispers in the young girl’s head that made it almost impossible for her to think of anything else. “The girl likes treasures, right? You are chosen. This is a special treasure. Only for you.”

 

And yes, Ninomae Ina’nis was incredibly interested in the treasure.

 

So she’d taken the key, rusted and rough to the touch, and ventured off further into the forest. The trees were impossibly tall, the leaves of which had grown so dense that only little pockets of light made it through to the forest floor. The ground was soft, and smelled of rot, and there seemed to be a fog rolling in that made it difficult to see.

 

Still. Even still. The girl forged forward.

 

“Yes. Head that way. No. Turn more to the left. Now a little to the right.Ina’nis did not need a map or a lantern. The voices in her head guided her deeper and deeper still.

 

Ina’nis was unsure how long she’d been walking through the forest. Minutes? Hours? All she knew was the growing ache in her legs and the fading light from the sky above. “A little more,” the voices had said when Ina’nis contemplated turning around and going home. “A little more and the treasure shall be yours.

 

It was then that she’d heard it. Somewhere in the forest. Distant yet close. Echoing, the sound. Crying.

 

The voice was young. Small. Ina’nis felt afraid. Immensely afraid. But the tiny sobbing was soft and sorrowful, and the kind part of Ina’nis felt compelled to seek out the voice’s owner.

 

“Ignore it,” the whispers in Ina’nis’s head had said. But there was something in Ina’nis that made her disobey. An instinct, maybe.

 

A promise yet to be fulfilled, maybe.

 

Ina’nis sought out the voice. There, in a clearing. Sitting atop a stump of a tree lost to time and to decay. A young, blonde girl, curled into a ball and crying her heart out.

 

“Hello?” Ina’nis had said.

 

The blonde girl looked up, startled. Her eyes were a startling bright blue.

 

Ina’s eyes snap wide open. She’s in the company cafeteria, surrounded by no one. Bathed in the blaring red lights of alarms going off all around. Beside her, a wide, open window looking out towards the lake next to the facility. In the middle of it is a lonely radio tower, the blinking signal of which is almost hypnotizing to look at. In front of her is a walkie talkie. Beside it is a half-crumpled paper crane. The pattens on the paper seem to be faded, the item looking more a light beige than anything else.

 

You understand now, right?

Priestess

That memory belonged to a different life

 

There is a lonely scientist in the facility’s cafeteria. She slumps over the table, resting her head on her folded arms. She thinks of how it’s really just her luck to be stuck in all this supernatural stuff. She thinks of how she really should have just listened to her mom and pursued a career in finance.

 

The radio crackles to life. Ina sits up straighter again.

 

“I have a question,” says Amelia Watson.

 

Ina reaches for the radio and presses on the button to answer. “Shoot.”

 

“What did you wish for?”

 

Ina almost chokes on her spit. “Um? What do you mean?”

 

“Come on now,” says Ame, chuckling. “The paper crane thing. I was a ghost you know. That was really weird. What did you wish for?”

 

The paper crane on the table seems to be staring at Ina. She wants to maybe burn it. “Nothing big.”

 

“Ina, I repeat,” asserts Ame. “I was a ghost. I deserve some kinda explanation.”

 

Ina steels herself. “It’s… it’s sappy.”

 

Ame’s voice on the other end of the radio comes out soft. “Ina, I’ve seen the note you left me. Something about the paper crane made everything all weird.”

 

“Note?” says Ina, trying to deflect.

 

“The note… about…” And Ina could almost imagine the blush creeping onto Amelia Watson’s face. Ame barely whispers, “That note talking about love brave enough to overcome fear.”

 

Ina wants to crumple in on herself. She feels like she’s about to explode. “Please,” she manages. “I promise I’ll… I’ll talk about it more when we get out. Okay?”

 

There’s a pause on the other end. Each second of silence feels like it’s crushing Ina from within. Finally, the radio crackles to life again. “Fine,” says Ame. “But you promise, okay?” There’s a soft pleading that makes Ina want to melt.

 

“Yes,” answers Ina. “Thank you.”

 

“Changing the subject,” goes Ame. “Can I tell you about something weird?”

 

Ina answers, “Yeah, I mean, considering that we’re stuck in a time paradox because of entities beyond human understanding, it’ll probably take a lot for this to really be ‘weird,’ if you catch my drift.”

 

Laughter, on the other end, the notes of which are punctuated by the crunch of static.

 

“Okay, okay,” says Ame. “I hope my story is impressive enough.”

 

“Alright, I’m listening.” Ina adjusts her seating position. Folds her legs and holds her knees close to her body. No one’s around to berate her for sitting so unprofessionally anyway.

 

“When I was young, I got lost in this forest, you know?” says Ame.

 

Ina doesn’t like where this is going. She says nothing, but she grips the radio a little tighter.

 

Ame continues on. “God that forest stank. It’s like the tunnel, when we try to cross it on the 13th day of the loop.”

 

“Tall trees, and a forest floor full of rotting things, right?” says Ina.

 

“I… ah, yeah, actually. You know the forest?” asks Ame.

 

“No, I just made a guess,” Ina lies. In the back of her mind, she thinks of a forest that smelled of decay. Of things lost to time. Of death.

 

“But yeah. Thing is…” and Ame pauses, as if searching for the words.

 

“… Yeah?”

 

“I’m a bona fide city girl. Never been near a forest like that in my life. My parents would swear to it too.”

 

Ina lets out the breath she’d been holding. There it is. The next new plot twist to this convoluted mess she calls her life.

 

The scientist slumps over the table once more. “Yeah. That is pretty weird,” she finally says.

 

“Right?”

 

“We keep making this worse for ourselves, huh?”

 

“What do you mean?” asks Ame, confused.

 

“Well, do I have a story for you,” answers Ina.

 

And while Ina tells the IT specialist of the tale of how totally coincidentally she has a similar memory, she recalls, how they’d somehow found themselves in this mess to begin with.

 

 

_______

 

[Day 0]

[Estimated time before loop start: 82 minutes]

 



Fate is a curse, Ninomae Ina’nis. 

 

The scientist Ninomae Ina’nis leans against the chain link fence surrounding the facility’s rooftop. The sky is a mess of dark, heavy clouds slowly crawling by. In the distance, the low rumble of thunder. Ina closes her eyes. Relishes in the cool breeze against her skin. 

 

Fate is inescapable, Ninomae Ina’nis.

 

There’s a low hum of voices at the back of the scientist’s mind again. She screws her eyes more shut. The cool breeze against her skin begins to feel like the freezing embrace of the ocean. She swears she could smell the sweet scent of the sea lingering around her. 

 

We are always watching, Ninomae Ina’nis.

Waiting. 

Never far.

We await your response, Ninomae Ina’nis.

 

“Yo, Ina!”

 

A small voice cuts through. Ina snaps her eyes open. Rubs at them. She’s on the facility rooftop. Not the bottom of the ocean. Everything’s fine, she tells herself. Everything’s fine.

 

Gura stands in the middle of the rooftop, hands on her hips. “Been calling out to ya forever. You good, dude?”

 

“Mhmm,” Ina manages.

 

“You look tired. You been sleeping okay?”

 

“As best I can,” goes Ina. She laughs without mirth.

 

Gura frowns. “It’s that thing again?”

 

Ina doesn’t respond. She turns around. Not too far from the facility there’s a lake with an empty island in the middle of it. The scientist points toward it. “Don’t you ever think there’s something missing out there? I feel like you could put an entire building on there or something.”

 

The sound of approaching footsteps. Ina doesn’t turn as Gura presses against the fence. “Don’t give the facility ideas for more weird shit,” says the smaller girl. She smiles sympathetically at Ina. “Just tell me if you need anything, okay? You promised you’d ask for help.”

 

Ina smiles back. “I did,” she says. “And I will.”

 

Gura grins. “Okay, good.” She changes the subject. “You know how you told me to stay away from the fortune cookie machine?”

 

“Gura, that thing’s an anomaly.”

 

“A harmless one!”

 

Still,” goes Ina. “You know, I feel like you were on the verge of berating me a while ago and now you’re telling me you’ve been dealing with anomalies yourself.”

 

“Hey,” quips Gura, “I didn’t actually berate you. I was showing concern for a friend. Learn the difference, bucko.”

 

Fine,” answers Ina, chuckling. “Okay. What did the anomaly tell you today?”

 

Yo, okay. So.” Gura brims with excitement. “Today I got a cookie that said in an alternate life I’m straight up a shark girl from Atlantis. Holy shit, am I right?”

 

“Oh. Wow. Shark girl, huh. What’s next, lava boy?” Ina laughs at her own joke.

 

Gura’s face crunches in on itself. “God, that’s such a dated reference Ina.”

 

Ina’s still laughing. “Sorry, sorry,” she says, waving her hand. “Anyway, shark girl. Then what?”

 

Gura pulls at the edges of her lips to show more of her teeth. “Yeah dude it said I had straight up shark chompers and everything. A tail. Gills. The works man.”

 

The thought of the ocean sends a chill down Ninomae Ina’nis’s spine. She stifles the thought.

 

“Wait, so were you an actual shark or like, a girl with shark qualities?”

 

“The latter,” beams Gura. “Trust me bro it was like, weirdly cute.”

 

Ina tries to imagine how that would work out. She’d argue that it’s a very special subset of people that would argue for the “cuteness” of sharks. “Uh. Huh.”

 

“Anyway, that’s not all,” says Gura, forging on. Her excitement is rising. “After I got my fortune I nearly bumped into this new girl.”

 

“Oh, so the story’s a meet-cute now,” quips Ina.

 

“No, shut up. Let me finish,” answers Gura, laughing.

 

Ina nods along. Gura continues speaking.

 

“So. Nearly bump into this girl. She’s from the IT department, she says. First month here. So I’m thinking, ‘Hey I could be friends with her if she doesn’t know anyone’ so I decided to show her the fortune cookie machine.”

 

“Oh god,” goes Ina.

 

“Hey I can’t believe you assumed this story would end badly just now.”

 

Ina chuckles. “Sorry. Continue.”

 

Anyway,” says Gura. “We press the button on the machine. It spits out the story of one of her alternate lives, right. Normal shit. I expected her to be like, I dunno, a doctor in an alternate life or something. Normie stuff. But guess what?”

 

“What?”

 

“She’s a fucking time traveling detective in an alternate life. Fucking cool dude.” Gura’s eyes are practically sparkling. “I thought shark girl was pretty cool but that kinda had me beat.”

 

“What did she have to say about that?” asks Ina.

 

“Well, she thought I was pranking her or something. Anyway I told her to meet up with us later today cuz like, if you think about it your thing goes pretty well with hers yanno?”

 

Ina mulls this over. Chuckles. “Yes yes, eldritch priestess and the time traveling detective. I get where you’re getting at now. Did she agree?”

 

Gura almost flinches. “In hindsight maybe it’s not a good idea?”

 

Did you know, Ninomae Ina’nis?

In another time

In another space

You die at the hands of a time traveling detective.

 

“Don’t worry about it,” is Ina’s response. “Everything’s fine.”

 

 

_______

 

[Estimated time before loop start: 37 minutes]

 

 

 

With one hand, Gura is tapping on her tablet. With the other, she’s eating a sandwich without even looking at it. It’s a peanut butter and jelly one. Ina knows, because the filling is dripping out of one end and splattering onto the cafeteria table. Ina spears a piece of lettuce from her garden salad. Bites into it and chews slowly. A glob of sandwich innards spatters a little too close to Gura’s perfectly white lab coat.

 

“Gura,” goes Ina, reaching out with a paper napkin, “if you show up to testing with splotches of peanut butter and jelly on your coat you’re gonna get shouted at. Again.”

 

Gura makes a noncommittal noise. She’s scrolling along her tablet.

 

Priestess

At least tell the girl to chew more silently

The sound is insufferable

 

“Chew slowly Gura,” says Ina. “The sandwich isn’t going anywhere.”

 

Gura ignores this. She holds up her tablet. On it, a familiar encrypted pdf to the scientist Ninomae Ina’nis.

 

 

__

 

Name: The Book of the Ancients

Class: World-ending

Clearance: S-Class clearance required for handling

 

Brief:

Found in an abandoned seaside village. Appears to be a hardbound book bound in dark purple leather with gold accents. Symbology on the book’s cover suggests origins of the eldritch nature, with iconography of that found on [REDACTED] and [REDACTED]. The main symbol on the front is a circle with an eye, evoking imagery of [REDACTED].

 

Opening the book to read its contents is strictly forbidden and enforced by protocol B450-M. Any attempt to read the book may cause the following effects:

  • Loss of sanity
  • Loss of memory
  • Dismemberment
  • Possession
  • Death

 

Any known attempt to read this book is to be reported immediately.

 

Of the five known individuals who have come to accidentally opened the book to read its contents, one is currently in the facility medical ward and has been in a coma for three decades (considered legally dead). Two were instantly beheaded. One died hours later due to multiple organ failure. The last is now known as entity [REDACTED]. Refer to file [REDACTED] for additional information.

 

[REDACTED] reports hearing voices in their head, perhaps [REDACTED] trying to establish communications and connections, as observed in the entity in all known and observable timelines. In most recorded instances, [REDACTED] acts as leader to [REDACTED], and in some timelines, is the primary cause for World Ending Scenario 1650-S (eldritch world ending scenario).  

 

[REDACTED] is highly cooperative and complies with all monitoring protocols. They are to remain with the facility and perform as [REDACTED].

 

__

 

 

 

“It’s this thing again, huh? Doing the voices in your head?” asks Gura. She sets her sandwich aside.

 

Ina wants to lie. She opens her mouth to speak, but before she can come up with an excuse, Gura holds up a finger.

 

“Please don’t lie to me Ina. This is big important.”

 

Ina sighs. “Okay. Big important,” she echoes.

 

Gura doesn’t say anything else. She looks to the file once more. Scrolling, scrolling. As if the cure to everything is somehow just hidden on the file.

 

“The thing is,” says Ina, finally. “It… it never really goes away. It goes silent sometimes but it always comes back.”

 

Gura seems to deflate at this. “I know… but… but what if…?”

 

“It’s the nature of the entity. Power like that just… it just means that across time, across space, in any known alternate reality… I’m basically…”

 

Gura deflates more.

 

“… doomed.” Ina finishes. The weight of the word seems to push the shorter scientist down.

 

“But what if… you know? What if there was an entity, somewhere, out there, that can just make this all go away?” says Gura. She’s addressing her sandwich dejectedly.

 

Ina is looking at the sad, mashed up thing Gura calls a sandwich.

 

We know the answers to such questions

Silly girl

If only you’d seek the book

But of course

Knowledge comes at a price

 

“That would be nice, yeah,” says Ina. On the table, to her side, Ina’s tablet lights up. Gura looks over at it too.

 

“The thing’s doing spooky shit again,” says Gura.

 

Ina reaches for the tablet. “Fine,” she says, “what do you want to show me today?”

 

On the tablet, another case file.

 

__

 

Name: The One Thousandth Paper Crane

Class: [REDACTED]

Clearance: S-Class clearance required for handling

 

Brief:

[REDACTED]

 

WARNING: INFOHAZARD

 

__

 

 

“Well,” goes Gura, picking up her sandwich again. “That’s about as useful as a fart in the wind.”

 

Ina stifles a laugh. “I’ll keep it in mind though.”

 

 

_______

 

[Estimated time before loop start: 12 minutes]

 

 

 

Gura shoves her tablet into Ina’s hands. They’re standing next to each other in one of the facility’s test chambers. Plain, white concrete walls. A circular room in the middle of which is another, smaller circular room surrounded by see-through glass walls. Inside the smaller room is a table, where a single magic 8 ball is perched. In front of the table is a chair. Seated there is a test subject.

 

“Okay Ina,” says Gura, “Now this is a little against protocol…”

 

“Oh no,” goes Ina instantly.

 

Okay hear me out.”

 

“Fine.”

 

“So the IT girl. She’s gonna observe us work, okay?” says Gura.

 

“She’s not cleared for this type of work,” states Ina.

 

“Listen, okay, listen,” says Gura.

 

Ina is looking at the test subject in the little glass room. They seem bored. Ina would also like to get this test done with already. “I’m listening,” she says.

 

We get to show off how cool our work is. Make a strong friendship impression. Make her think we’re totally friend material.”

 

“Gura, I hope you know that this kind of blatant disregard for protocol is how we’ll all die.”

 

“You know that’s rich coming from an entity herself.”

 

Ina fake gasps. “I should have known you have a penchant for danger. Being friends with a world ending-class entity? Scandalous.”

 

Gura laughs. Before she can snark back, the solid metal door behind them slides open and shut.

 

Standing there is a short, blonde woman with the brightest blue eyes Ina has ever seen. She looks down at the tablet in her hands instantly.

 

Gura snatches the tablet out of Ina’s hands. Just under her breath she shout whispers to Ina, “Shit your gay is showing hide it dude. Be gay later. Friend today.”

 

“W-wait,” Ina stutters, “I… I w-was… reading that.”

 

“Well shit, use your own tablet,” says Gura. “Anyway this is Amelia Watson. Amelia Watson, meet Ninomae Ina’nis.”

 

“Hello,” says Amelia Watson. Her voice is barely audible.

 

“Hi,” Ninomae Ina’nis manages to say back. She pulls out her own tablet and hastily pulls up the entity’s file.

 

 

__

 

Name: The Magic 8-Ball

Class: Yet to be established

Clearance: B-Class personnel permitted to carry out tests until further notice

 

Brief:

Found in a foreclosed shopping mall. Entity appears to be a regular, black magic 8-ball. Inside the plastic sphere is a dark, inky liquid, consistent with the appearance of the non-entity variant of the magic 8-ball. When shaken, a small plastic icosahedron with raised plastic indentations on each face rises to the surface and floats against the small, see-through acrylic window. Unlike its non-entity variant, the words that appear on each of the faces of the shape vary depending on the question asked.

 

Currently observed entity function is as follows:

  • Individual holding the entity asks a question
  • Individual then shakes the entity
  • The individual is then teleported to a pocket dimension
  • The pocket dimension varies depending on the question asked
  • The pocket dimension’s properties allow for the individual to surmise the answer to their original question on their own
    • For example: if the individual asks “Why is the sky blue?” they are teleported to a dimension that mimics a university, with a full library on books about the atmosphere.
    • In cases where the individual asks a question with no clear, singular answer, the individual remains trapped in a closed time loop until they come up with an answer that the individual finds most satisfactory. (Refer to test #3600, where the individual asked “What is the meaning to life?”)
  • Once an appropriate answer is found, the asker is returned to their original dimension.
  • The icosahedron displays a word seemingly at random. Examples of such are: Babylon, Atlantis, Babel. (Further research into this is necessary.)

 

DISCLAIMER: Entity is still undergoing rigorous testing. File will be updated as deemed necessary.

 

(There’s a comment thread on the document.)

(Ina’nis: Have we tried observing the words on the icosahedron if we shake it without asking questions?)

(Gura: Funny enough, the shape doesn’t actually float to the surface if you shake it without asking a question.)

(Ina’nis: What do you think it considers a question? Do you have to be holding the object to activate it?)

(Gura: Thanks for making our lives harder Ina. Guess we have to test that.)

(Ina’nis: You’re welcome (´ ꒳` ) )

 

 

__

 

 

 

Gura begins slapping her open palm against the glass. Ina is startled. She looks up to find that the test subject has taken the liberty to just keep shaking the entity.

 

Hey bozo!” shouts Gura. “Quit that! No testing yet! We aren’t ready! Put the dangerous object down please!”

 

The test subject makes eye contact with Gura. They start to shake the entity as if their life depends on it.

 

Gura growls.

 

Ina looks to Amelia Watson, an apology already on the tip of her tongue.

 

She finds that the blonde had been staring at Ina.

 

The voices in the back of Ina’s head feel like the swirling of a storm. It takes everything of Ina not to look away. Not to close her eyes. The voices press against her skull, almost.

 

She’s here

She’s here

The detective

Your destined end

 

And Amelia Watson asks, her voice barely above a whisper, “Why does it feel like I’ve known you all my life? Just who are you?

 

 

 

_______

 

[Day 1]

 

 

In the middle of the night an explosion rocks the entire facility. Lights flicker on and off. The thick concrete walls tremble. Then, all things are as before. As if nothing ever happened.

 

 

 

_______

 

[Day 10]

 

 

 

There’s a lonely scientist in the facility’s cafeteria, bathed in the red of alarms. She sits, curled up on the bench. She toys with a small paper crane on the table.

 

Priestess, priestess

In your hands was the one chance to wish for anything

Didn’t you wish to be free?

[Of the Ancients]

[Of Your Destiny]

[Of Your Tragedy]

 

Ina says nothing. The walkie talkie beside the paper crane is silent. The entire space is silent. There’s nothing but a buzzing in Ina’s head from the voices that speak to her.

 

Priestess, priestess

Tell us

Why use your one wish

On the detective?

 

Ina continues to say nothing. She buries her face into her folded arms. Her cheeks feel like they’re on fire.

 

The One Thousandth Paper Crane

An Infohazard, as the humans call it

It allows you to make any one wish

But knowing that it’s the One Thousandth Paper Crane

Makes it multiply a thousand-fold more

So the one in your possession

Can no longer grant wishes

 

“Why give this to me if I could have wished you away?” asks Ina, her voice rough.

 

You misunderstand

We serve you

As much as

You serve Us

 

“Why didn’t my wish fix everything?”

 

Pocket dimensions

The supernatural

Entities of natures not yet fully understood

But do not fret, dear priestess

We will free you, soon

And you will be Ours once more

 

Ina is silent again. She thinks of forests that smell of death and promises of treasures that cursed her forever.

 

Priestess, priestess

Tell us

Why use your one wish

To wish to be with the detective?