Chapter Text
Where is your home, vagabond?
Where do you go when you don't belong?
Head held high but your soul is down
Where is your home, vagabond?
Against all the odds Aloy had saved the world from the Far Zenith threat...
...only to now face an even more dangerous and terrifying enemy. One that was set on scorching the earth as revenge for the immortals crazed ambition.
A part of her soul wanted to laugh at the sheer unfairness of it all. Another part (a larger part) wanted to scream and cry until she had no more tears left.
She was exhausted, heartsick, and terrified.
After all this time she believed naively that there could be an end somewhere on the horizon. Believed that once Helis, Hades, and the Far Zenith were finally all defeated... there would be no enemy left to battle, and she would no longer have to risk her life day after day fighting through blood and sweat until her limbs ached. She had even allowed herself to dream about the afterwards – about what her future might look like beyond the pain and toil. After the last enemy was slain, would she hang up her bow for good? There was still so many exciting things to do and see in the world. Would she find a place she could call home? Where might that even be…Mother’s Heart? Meridian? Plainsong? The Mountain Base? But no. She had foolishly allowed herself to hope and plan for a future but the world wasn't finished with her just yet, because of course there was another enemy that wished her dead. All of her options had been snatched away from her again.
How many times had she come within an inch of death, terrified that that moment might be her last? How many times had she sacrificed her life for the mission? She was now a tattered shadow of the spirited girl who had left the Nora lands thirsting for adventure. Her body felt stretched and worn and her limbs were crying out for rest.
The final battle with Tilda van der Meer had broken her body and heart.
For Tilda had loved Elisabet Sobeck. She’d pretended to be an ally but only so she could kidnap Aloy to fulfil some sick fantasy…and in the end Aloy had slaughtered her for it. She wondered what Elisabet would think about it all. Had she returned Tilda's love and if so had they found some spark of happiness? Yet Aloy rejected that idea outright. Aloy was a clone of Elisabet. She'd been created in her very own image, and the feelings that Tilda confessed didn't strike her as love at all. Even as an outsider she knew love shouldn't be something dark and twisted.
Tilda's words roared in her ears:
'I loved Elisabet more than you could ever know. And I let her stay behind to die with the rest of humanity - a mistake I have regretted for a thousand years. Now she stands before me again. Not some inferior copy, but her best possible self.'
All of it made her feel sick.
So instead of returning to the Mountain Base with her companions, Aloy made a different choice.
She knew the others – Erend, Alva, Zo, Kotallo – would want to sit and discuss what happened during the final fight with Tilda detail by detail but the idea of reliving it all was too much for her to bear. She knew she was being unreasonable and they had the right to know what happened. Erend would no doubt want to drink to their victory too but Aloy didn’t feel victorious. She felt like she had lost everything.
I need to get it together, she thought. There’s nothing I can do. Sure a ball of cosmic death is hurtling through space towards Earth…but what can I do about it right now? Nothing. There's nothing anyone can do.
The inaction was the worst part. As always, she wanted to react. She wanted to corner Sylens and discuss the next steps. She knew that doing something would help leash her fear. But how could she fight something not made from wires or flesh? What good would her arrows or traps be against the Hivemind? She was utterly outgunned.
The Hivemind.
The thought of it sent waves of terror through her. She felt her throat close up and she struggled to breath.
It's going to to wipe out everything. Everyone. And there's nothing I can do to stop it.
So instead of going back to the base she summoned her Sunwing mount. Within seconds she was astride its back and soaring through the night’s sky.
For the first time in her life she chose to run away.
The temperature plummeted as she approached the capital of the vast Carja empire – or sundom as they called it – and the lamps and twinkling bonfires (the only lights she could make out) urged her on invitingly. The cold wind slapped against her cheeks and exposed skin. She was still wearing her Oseram Artificer armour which was completely impractical for the cold now it had been shredded to little more than rags. Her teeth chattered as she urged the Sunwing to hurry. She could feel her remaining strength fading fast and knew she should land soon or else risk falling to her death.
The citizens of the great city of Meridian were by now asleep and completely unaware that the Saviour of Meridian was flying towards them on the back of a dreaded machine. There were no air defences protecting the city and so she was able to approach with little notice.
Aloy manoeuvred the Sunwing to fly towards one of the very tallest towers which she knew from memory housed the royal palace. She flew on round to the Sun-King’s private gardens and bid the machine land. Like always it responded to her slightest touch and she was grateful.
If she had been capable of laughing, she might have done so at the shocked faces of the guards who first spotted her. Thankfully they recognised her (how could they not? The city had an enormous golden statue made in her likeness) and sheathed their swords. One of them managed to conquer his surprise and call out to her. She could hear more guards running towards them with lit torches and yelling for help.
However, here was where her strength failed her completely and she had to grip on tight to the saddle to avoid falling off. The adrenaline from earlier was gone and exhaustion was ready to take over. Her mind felt delirious and she couldn’t recall how long it had been since she’d slept. Sometime before...all of this, she thought shakily. When an end to it still seemed possible. Mercifully strong hands reached up and helped her down. The guards were treating her like something revered and sacred.
She heard her Sunwing ruffle its metallic feathers before launching once more into the night. She knew that it would come back if she whistled.
“By the Sun...Aloy?”
She recognised that deep voice without having to look. “Marad?”
“The very same. You're bleeding - do you need an urgent medic? Have you been attacked?”
“No…well, yes…” she began but then words failed her too. She didn’t know what she wanted. Why had she come back to Meridian? She had known earlier – she’d climbed onto the Sunwing with the specific purpose of coming here – but now? Her mind was thick with mist.
The Spymaster eyed her worriedly. His cunning eyes were scanning her up and down as though assessing where the damage was and what was needed. Otherwise he looked exactly the same as he had the last time she’d seen him and he was fully dressed despite the late hour. He had obviously been working hard for the sundom.
She knew she must look like a sight. She knew that her face was filthy and covered in grime and dust from the battle, and if she was not mistaken there was a throbbing cut above her right eye that was bleeding. Her blazing red hair was unravelling from its careful bindings and hung matted around her shoulders. She could feel herself trembling and she was thankful to the kind guards who were still holding her upright.
She licked her lips and said hoarsely, “I've been roughed up worse. Where's the king?”
If Marad was surprised by her frankness, he didn’t show it. “His Eminence is not in Meridian at present. He's been inspecting some of the border villages but is travelling back to the capital as we speak. He's due in Brightmarket later on today, if our scouts are correct. However...if you wish... I will send word of your arrival at once,” he promised. “Forgive me for being so direct, Aloy, but are you here with a warning of attack? Such news should be shared at once so we can prepare."
Aloy managed to shake her head and he breathed out.
"Praise the Sun for that, at least," Marad said. "I will send word, and in the meantime you must rest. Are you sure you do not need checking over by a medic?”
"Probably," she mumbled. "But not tonight, please. I just need need...to lay down."
"Of course. Guards, assist the Saviour of Meridian to the guest quarters. The Sun-King would want her to be comfortable."
"Thank you, Marad."
Marad left to send a dispatch to the Sun-King and Aloy allowed the guards to carefully guide her away. They were very gentle with her and it wasn’t just Marad’s commands that made them treat her so – the citizens of the city admired Aloy just like her namesake suggested. As she moved she realised too late that there was an acute pain coming from her ankle that made her limp. She hadn’t realised. Some Saviour I turned out to be, she thought bitterly.
The guards left once she reached the foyer of the guest rooms and two young Carja servants appeared to help. They coaxed Aloy through to the bedroom and one began skillfully untying what was left of her once impressive armour. The other one took away Aloy’s bow and quiver and placed them on a low table. She did the same for Aloy’s Focus though looked at it like it might bite her. The servants were saying something about food and water – but Aloy shook her head stubbornly. She knew she should eat but didn’t think she would be able to swallow anything right now. She did the same thing when they mentioned a bath and cleaning her wounds.
She just wanted to lay down and cease thinking. She just about made it to the bed before her legs gave out beneath her.
The servants removed her boots and tucked a warm blanket over her. Aloy wanted to thank them for their care but as soon as her head touched the pillow (which was as soft as goose feathers) she felt her eyelids snap shut and she fell into a deep numbing sleep.
She slept fretfully and tossed and turned. In her dreams the beautiful and deadly Tilda was trying to drag Aloy to a ship to leave Earth. Aloy fought her off with her teeth and nails but Tilda told her she loved her, that she wanted to be with her.
She dreamed about Varl. She saw Erik Visser drive his blade into his chest over and over. No matter how much she screamed and blasted him with arrows he would not stop. Varl’s body dropped to the floor with a sickening thump.
She then dreamed about Zo and the garden she had planted in Val's honour. She dreamed about their baby and the new terrifying threat that would wipe out Earth before it could even be born.
She dreamed about Beta. About Sylens. About Erend, Alva, Kotallo. About Avad. She dreamed that they all were annihilated by flames and there was nothing she could do to stop it. She had no choice but to watch it all. She was useless. Powerless. Completely out of her depth.
Aloy woke up sobbing.
She smothered her cries into the blanket before allowing the trembling to take over her body completely. A harsh blaze of terror was burning away at her insides and she felt like she was choking on smoke. She was terrified. Completely terrified.
Sleeping on silken sheets made her feel vulnerable and weak. How could she dare to sleep so comfortably when the people she loved were in danger? She shouldn't be here. She should be out there - planning, fighting, hurting. She balled her fists into the fine sheets.
She tried to steady her breathing the way Rost had shown her when she was a child. She tried to imagine her lungs and the way they breathed in and out.
Slowly but surely she felt the hot grip of fear slowly uncurl its fingers on her chest as the panic attack subsided.
She wasn’t sure if she managed to drift back to sleep or not when she heard a quiet voice.
“Aloy?”
She peered up and saw the Sun-King himself standing in the doorway of the room. For a moment she struggled to recognise if this was a dream or real life but no, she was awake and her heart was thumping against her ribs. Avad was alive and he was okay. It was still dark outside and she could see the stars shimmering through the window. "You're here."
The Sun-King pulled over a chair and sat at her side. At this angle she didn’t need to sit up and for that she was grateful – she didn’t think she had the strength to move. Her limbs still felt heavy despite her the sleep. She heard him murmur something over his shoulder and the servant left them alone.
Had the circumstances been different she might have felt embarrassed for him to see her like this. She had only ever been strong and powerful before him – the Saviour of Meridian, the Anointed, the Nora Huntress (she had collected as many titles to rival his own, it seemed). She wasn’t sure if she liked him beholding her in this weakened state, but she was honestly too tired to care. Her wretchedness made her numb and she disregarded the fact that he was a king and she no better than a scavenger.
Avad didn't look like he minded one bit. He was clearly putting that courtier training to use to hide the shock he was feeling inside. She couldn’t blame him. The last time she’d seen him had been before the Embassy weeks ago and now here she was unexpectedly looking like something that had been dragged through the mud. He’d taken her aside then and asked her if she might return to Meridian after her adventures – he couldn’t have predicted she’d return a shattered and broken mess.
The second thing Aloy noticed was that his black hair looked messy as though he’d ran worried fingers through it. He was wearing a simple set of white travelling robes that gave no indication as to his noble status. To her shock she realised he was without his heavy crown for a change and thought it suited him.
“I'm here. I hurried back as soon as I received Marad’s message. He wrote that you were close to fainting when you arrived on the Sunwing…that it was a miracle you didn't fall." He was speaking to her so gently – so soothingly - like she was some fawn that would flee if startled. The small act of kindness made more traitorous tears fall from her eyes. "How are you feeling now? Are you well? Do you need anything?"
She noted the warm amber in his eyes.
Aloy didn't know how to give voice to all the complicated emotions she was feeling, so she decided on the simple truth instead.
"No, I'm not well."
"What happened?"
"I saved the world. Again..."
"And...?"
"It took everything. It took everything from me, and it's not even over. There's another threat and it's even more dangerous...and I don't know how to fight it. There's never been an enemy that I can't fight with my bow or staff and I'm scared. I'm scared and angry and heartbroken. I thought that one day I would be safe - that we would be safe - but it just goes on and on, Avad. I feel like I'll be fighting forever and my body...it's so weak and broken. I feel weak."
Her voice sounded so hoarse. She couldn’t remember the last time she'd been so honest with another person that wasn’t Beta.
"I can't do it...I can't be the saviour you all want. Not this time."
Avad was looking at her intensely and without a word placed his hand above hers. It was such a simple gesture but it leant her some of his strength.
“You don't have to tell me anything, Aloy, but I'm here if you want someone to listen."
She licked her lips and feverishly told him everything that happened over the past weeks. She told him about the Far Zenith and the Hivemind, about Regalla and Sylens, about the final fight with Tilda. She told him about finding Beta all alone and about her new brave companions. She told him about losing Varl. She told him about Gaia and Elizabet. She knew that she stumbled over her words and repeated things at random. It was an unintelligible mess and there was no chance he was following it all correctly (how could it? She could barely make sense of it and she had her Focus), but at the same time she felt better after every word she shared. Some ache in her chest (was it grief?) began to ease but she knew it would be a long while before it healed completely. If it ever did.
Was this why she had felt such a desperate need to fly to Meridian? To share her fears with Avad? She knew that she was crying again and the tears ran down the dirt on her cheeks.
To his credit the Sun-King didn’t once interrupt or ask her to elaborate. He simply listened.
When Aloy finished at long last, she closed her eyes and yawned so deeply that she was surprised the bed didn’t shake.
"I'm just resting my eyes..." she murmured. "Just for a minute. Don't...I don't want..."
Yet when he stroked back her tangled red hair, she found sighing. The gesture soothed her like a warm fire on a winter's night.
"Let yourself sleep, Aloy. You're welcome to stay for as long as you want. You're safe here."
No she wasn’t – but she appreciated him saying it all the same.
When she awoke the next day she felt a split second of peace as she stretched out on the luxuriously perfumed sheets. She could feel a beam of sunlight shining through a nearby window and fall across her face. She felt warm and safe nestled beneath the blankets. Then something – a wound on her leg – made her flinch and she remembered where and why she was in such a wonderful bedroom in Meridian. The events of the past few days came crushing down on her like a pile of bricks and overwhelmed her. She found herself struggling to breathe again.
One of the servants from last night approached and offered to call for help. Aloy shook her head impatiently. Instead she asked her how long she’d been asleep for.
Almost all day. It was late in the afternoon.
“Where’s the Sun-King?”
Had he really been here earlier or had that simply been a dream? Had the Sun-King himself really sat and listened as she wept? She could still feel his hand on hers.
“His Eminence left this morning to attend a meeting in the palace but left us orders to alert him as soon as you woke. I’ll send a message with one of the guards now – and then would you like me to run you a hot bath? Those wounds need cleaning and you are very dirty, if you don’t mind me saying…”
Aloy nodded her consent and the servant left to alert a guard. She managed to sit up by herself and swing her legs over the side of the bed though the movement caused her to gasp in pain. She was thankful when the servant came back to help her into the bathing room. She was too courteous to say anything but Aloy knew that she probably reeked.
Once she was settled in the piping hot water, she had a chance to look over her body properly and she saw right away she’d been careless to let her wounds go this long without treatment. She took stock of the damage. Her pale skin was dotted with fresh blue and purple bruises and cuts that, while not pretty, would heal just fine on their own with time. There was a particularly nasty cut on her left thigh that looked deep enough to warrant stitches. She wondered if it had been a parting gift from Tilda. Her left ankle also looked red and swollen and she guessed it was sprained. She asked the servant to hold up a mirror and she inspected the cut above her eye and hoped it would not need stitches too.
“I’ll send for the medic,” the servant said, reading her expression.
Aloy allowed the servant to unravel what remained of the plaits in her hair and give it a good wash with some strong scented soap. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d washed her hair in hot water but knew it was long overdue. It felt very strange to have her hair down without any decoration. Ever since she was a little girl she’d worn it in braids or had beads and feathers stitched into it. It was a Nora tradition and she’d been keen to try and fit in somehow. “Your hair is so bright,” the servant commented. “I’ve never met someone with this colour before. It’s like fire or cinnamon.” The servant began to wash and scrub her body, taking care to be gentle over the worst of the bruises. Aloy tried her best not to wince.
She regarded the woman in front of her and judged her to be around the same age as her own twenty years. Her silky brown hair was coiled onto the top of her head in braids. She wore the same neat white robes that all the palace servants donned.
“It runs in the family,” Aloy replied wryly. “What’s your name? I’m sorry but I didn’t catch it last night.”
She wasn’t used to being taken care of so much. In a way it was surprisingly pleasant but she knew because of her injuries it was also necessary.
“Rhian, and my sister who you met earlier is named Rana. She’s serving in the palace kitchens today.”
“Well...thank you for your care, Rhian.”
“Of course. It’s an honour to serve His Eminence the Sun-King and the Saviour of Meridian.”
Once she was clean she put on new under-wrappings and Rhian offered her some robes cut from a deep purple cloth. Aloy knew that her armour from last night was absolutely out of the question (and would probably have to be scrapped) so she took them with thanks. The material felt rich and soft beneath her calloused fingertips. Aloy guessed rightly it was intended for a Carja noblewoman of high rank and she had never worn anything so fine. She slipped them on and it took her a moment to adjust to the light airy feel of them. It felt very different compared to the heavy armour she usually strapped on and she left off her bow and arrows as well. She had no need for them right now.
She glanced at her Focus and made the choice to leave it off as well. It felt strange to be without it but right now she craved that strangeness.
She tied up the sash of the robes and noticed that her waist was too narrow. She had been living off of grisly meat and foraged berries for too long.
Rhian wanted to adorn her wrists and neck with gold in keeping with the Carja style but Aloy insisted that would be a step too far. She did run a brush through her damp un-braided hair which now fell down to her waist.
Just then the medic arrived with Avad the Sun-King in tow and Rhian dropped into a graceful bow.
Aloy tried to smile though it was probably a pathetic attempt. She felt a lump in her throat at the thought of what she’d rambled to Avad that morning. He’d been so kind to listen and let her burden him. He had changed into his magnificent robes of state and the heavy golden necklace that made him look every inch the glorious Sun-King. His crown was tucked beneath his arm, however, and she could see now in the daylight that he was growing out his black hair.
She vaguely recognised the medic from one of her previous visits and wondered if he was assigned to Marad and the royal family. He had a wizened face that seemed incapable of smiling but his hands looked strong and steady.
He urged her to take a seat while he examined her all over. She had to roll up the leg of her robes to show him the deep cut on her thigh. He had none of Rhian’s gentleness and proceeded to painfully prod and poke her for a few moments though she did her best not to respond. He tutted and went to his bejewelled medicine chest.
“I should have been summoned right away, Saviour or not. That cut on your leg will take some time to heal and you’re lucky it’s not infected. You’ll certainly have a nasty scar.”
“Scars are fine. I have plenty already. It’s my ankle that I’m more worried about.”
He passed her a scarlet health tonic much like the ones she made. “Swallow that. Your ankle will heal in time but I suggest avoiding anything strenuous to hurry the process along – no running, dancing, so forth. Now, I’m going to have to sew up your leg – do you want to bite down on something for the pain?”
Aloy nodded and he passed her a piece of wood to bite down on. Avad had watched all of this silently but now he raised his eyebrows. “Don’t you have something that will numb the pain?”
The medic’s clipped tone of voice didn’t change when he addressed his king and Aloy found herself reluctantly admiring it.
“Nothing that will work right away, excellency, and I don’t want to leave that wound open any longer,” the medic explained. “I’m sure the Saviour will be able to bear it.”
“Just do it,” she sighed.
How many times had she sewn up wounds herself with shaky hands and coarse threads? She was no stranger to pain. She bit down on the wood as the medic got to work stitching up her skin. The worst part was when he tried tightening the stitches and she hissed. She strangely welcomed the pain, however. This was real and fresh. It distracted her from thinking about anything else.
She met Avad’s gaze for a moment and she saw worry etched there. She wondered if he’d ever needed any stitches. She knew he could wield a sword but was he ever close enough to danger to be actually harmed? Were his fights only in the sparring ring? She would bet that his skin was smooth and flawless all over.
When the medic was finally finished (it had felt like hours) she spat out the wood and examined the wound. To be fair, he’d done a very tidy job and there was little blood. The stitches were small and neat, a testament to his experience and skill. He then turned his attention to the cut above her eyes but thankfully deemed stitches unnecessary. He did apply a sweet-smelling salve to it though. He told her to reapply it once a day to avoid infection.
He repeated his instructions about resting before taking his leave. Rhian rose at once to clean up his mess but Avad casually dismissed her with an elegant wave of the hand. Aloy marvelled what it was like to wield such unquestioned power. His father had been called the mad because he wielded it cruelly.
Avad himself poured out some warm water into a bowl and used a length of clean material to dab away any remaining dried blood from her wound. His touch was careful and gentle and she watched his hand as it traced over her bare thigh. She was struck by how pale her skin looked next to the beautiful coppery tone of his hand. It was extraordinary that a king was willingly getting his hands dirty with her blood.
For a second she imagined him pressing his lips to her skin. The shock of such a thought caused her to blink and take a low breath.
Once he was done, he unrolled the leg of her robes back down and offered her a hand. She took it gratefully and he helped her to her unstable feet. Her ankle made her wince but the pain was manageable.
“Thank you, Avad.”
She spoke politely, trying to make amends for last night where she sobbed all over him and probably broke a dozen royal protocols. It didn't occur to her to call him anything but his name, though.
He bowed his head and said, “You need to eat. I’ll call for some food. Here...”
She let him slip an arm around her back to assist her out onto the balcony where she could dine in the sun.
Aloy needed no encouragement to take a seat at the table and surrender at last to her protesting belly. The food was standard Meridian fair and she fell on everything ravenously. She finished three cups of water as well. Beside her Avad picked at his plate and watched her enthusiasm with some amusement.
When her belly was at last full she sat back and allowed herself to at last take in the beauty of her surroundings. They were sitting on the balcony and she had a magnificent view of the city and the mountains behind it. She had always found Meridian to be beautiful. The furnishings around her were elegant and made in the distinct Carja style. She thought about the Mountain Base and couldn’t help but compare just how different they were. While the base was built in the sterile ancient style, Zo had done her best to decorate it and make it feel more ‘homely’. Aloy had her own bedroom there and it had been her first one since living in Rost’s tiny cabin. She thought about all the little fixtures that Zo (and probably Varl) had created just to make her happy.
She thought about Zo. About how devastated and anxious she must be. She had left her without a word and run off to this beautiful palace where she could hide her head in the sand. Where she’d eaten all this splendid food and slept beneath perfumed sheets.
A foul wave of guilt tried to overpower her.
Suddenly her throat clenched and she found it hard to breathe. She willed herself not to cry again as she gripped the side of the table.
If Avad noticed her reaction he was polite enough to not draw attention to it. She was thankful. She tried to steady her breathing again.
After a few moments she cleared her throat and spoke. “I didn’t get a chance before to thank you for your hospitality. I realise my coming here was very sudden and I should have sent word. I'm sorry if I worried you..”
She looked across the table at him and saw that he was watching her. He took a sip from his golden cup before replying.
“I told you once that you would always receive a welcome here in Meridian, Aloy. Your arrival in the middle of the night was not something I was expecting …but I’m very glad you did come back. I’m glad to see you, no matter the circumstances.”
Had she been her usual self she might’ve reddened at his words. “I’m glad to see you too, but to be honest I'm not sure what I was thinking. I wasn't really myself. I don't remember much of yesterday. I just jumped on the Sunwing's back and flew here.”
“Well then…it sounds like Meridian has found a place in your heart,” he said. “That pleases me.”
“Avad…I…” He was being too kind. She wanted to apologise for what happened in the early hours of that morning and for burdening him. She must have scared him half to death with all the things she told him. As much as it had soothed her, it hadn’t been fair to unload on him like that without warning. She wasn’t actually sure exactly what she had told him, if truth be told, only that she had blabbed incoherently and he had listened. “It wasn’t fair of me to tell you those things before, about my life and my missions. It made me feel better to share but that was selfish…I felt like I used you to make myself feel better.”
“Please…” he held up a hand to stop her. “Don't apologise. I wanted to listen.”
“But it was…I told you everything. I never...I've never shared like that before. And it’s all so overwhelming and scary. Just thinking about it myself makes me feel completely lost.”
How long had it taken Erend and Zo and Varl to come to terms with Gaia and all the knowledge that came with using a Focus? She had a spare one in the pocket of her old armour, she realised. Perhaps she should give it to Avad? Let him discover things at his own pace now that she had metaphorically smashed open the floodgates.
Avad was the Sun-King of the Carja Empire. She knew he (and every citizen) would benefit from having all this knowledge. Yet, she found herself resisting the idea. She would only offer it to him if he asked it of her.
She had already taken advantage.
“I’m willing to make a deal with you, Aloy.”
She was not expecting that. He picked up an orange and began peeling it as he spoke.
“A deal?”
“I won’t ask you about what happened or what will happen. You told me some of it last night – though, forgive me, some of it was difficult to understand as you were unwell and upset. However, the subject obviously still troubles you very much and I don’t think it’s the right time to make you repeat it all."
He paused as he offered her a slice of the orange. She took it and sucked it consideringly as he went on.
“Take some time to rest and heal in the safety of my city. When you're ready, you may tell me as much as you want or not...it's your choice.”
A part of her was thrilled at the chance to remain here in the sunshine and leave her worries locked away temporarily. She knew it wouldn’t – couldn’t – be forever but having some time (hours, days, weeks) to recuperate would be wonderful. She felt that she just needed time. And some quiet. A break before the world burst into flames again.
Still…could she really leave her companions behind? Even for that short amount of time?
Avad continued, “…and in return - I would ask that you let your companions know where you are so they don’t worry. I’m guessing you didn’t have a chance to let them know before you jumped on the Sunwing?”
She wasn’t surprised that he’d guessed that. She’d done the same thing after the Battle of Alight, after all.
She dropped her chin. “I just left. They didn’t deserve that.”
“Maybe not.”
“They might…might be disappointed in me,” Aloy knew that her voice trembled at that and again she clutched hold of the table edge. “I can deal with their anger…but not that. They look at me like I'm their leader, like I know what I'm doing, and I left them. I’m scared of…facing that.”
A flash of something fierce crossed over Avad’s face at that. Perhaps he could sympathise a little, considering the expectations that came hand in hand with a royal crown.
“You are an inspiration, Aloy. People love you because you are strong and brave, and you deserve all their respect and more, but you're also human too. And humans make mistakes. Your friends will understand if you send word, believe me.”
Aloy looked into the steady gaze of the Sun-King and felt her heart soar with…what? Gratitude? Guilt? She felt a tangle of emotions in her chest. She knew that he was right and that she should let her friends know where she was.
As for the human part...well, that was something she pushed to the back of her mind.
“I’ll use my Focus to tell them,” Aloy decided quietly. “…and I accept your bargain. With thanks.”
The Sun-King had an engagement that evening so Aloy spent the evening with Blameless Marad playing Machine Strike. She wasn’t very good at it and Marad was brilliant so it wasn’t much fun but she was glad for the distraction. With every passing minute she felt more and more nervous about contacting the base.
As reassuring as Avad’s words had been in the moment she thought she would be sick if she had to face their disappointment. They had placed so much trust in her and she’d rewarded them by vanishing. Or was she underestimating her friends…would they understand the crippling fear that was stalking her?
She made her way back to her borrowed apartments using the wooden splint the medic sent over. It took her a while to manage the steps but she was glad she was able to make it unaided though the guards offered to assist her. The comfortable large bed was calling her name – but she first picked up the Focus.
She took a deep breath and used it to contact Beta. If anyone could understand then it would be her.
Her sister – her clone – her very self – answered at once. She felt a jolt in her stomach when she heard her familiar voice.
“Aloy? Are you there? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, Beta. I just wanted to check in and let you know that I’m safe.”
“Where are you?”
“Meridian.”
There was a pause and she wondered if Beta was struggling to think of the right words. “Why did you just leave like that? Everyone was worried.”
She'd taken bruises from a Thunderjaw that hurt less than those words.
“I know... It wasn't fair to leave like that, without saying goodbye. I just…had to get away. I needed some space to breathe and this is the first place I thought of.”
Beta paused. “Will you stay long?”
“No. Just for a few weeks maybe until I heal up. Then I can start thinking about…the H-... the next enemy… and how I’m going to stop it.”
The Hivemind.
Even saying the words made her hands shake. The now-familiar feeling of terror began prickling down her back but Beta’s next words leashed it momentarily.
“How we’re going to stop it,” she corrected. “I’ll be with you…sister.”
Aloy swallowed and she felt a tear run down her cheek.
Beta went on, “What’s it like there in Meridian?”
Aloy glanced out of the window at the city of lights spread out before her. She could hear some music playing in a nearby garden and the sound of children laughing.
“It's beautiful. I’ll bring you here one day.”
“I’d like that.”
Where is your home, vagabond?
Where is your home when it all is done?
Can't put down roots cause it won't last long
Everything here will all be gone
Where is your home, vagabond?
Endlessly lost from dusk till dawn
Orphan before you were ever young
By crawl lights lead you on and on
Breathing in worlds that you don't belong