Chapter Text
Jimin sits across the reception desk, hands curled around the edge of his seat, one foot tapping the floor tile in irregular sequence. He’s nervous and a little scared. It reminds him of a child who is about to get his tooth pulled out by the dentist. What makes him different from that child is what he is going to face is much bigger than pulling out a loose tooth.
Letting out a tired sigh, he looks around him, the seats are mostly empty, saved for a few couples, mated couples. The sight of their protruded bellies makes his stomach coils with anxiety. Unconsciously, he brings his palm to rest above his flat stomach, heart thudding loudly in his chest. If it works… If this works, in a few months, he might just look like them.
Jimin is reaching the ideal age to mate and conceive but he isn’t one to worry about the norms and alike. He doesn’t need to be the ideal Omega everyone expected an Omega should be. He had learnt from his past that he can’t satisfy anyone. In fact, to force himself to be someone else would only destroy him.
Even when his friends are not completely supportive of his decision, he is not turning back. Not without trying. It is not because of his past, he swears to his friends. He is just doing this because he wants to. No one is forcing him or manipulating him to do something that will destroy his future. Jimin is here, in this strange white room that smells like Dettol’s hand sanitizer, trying for a pup, without a mate or a partner in his company. Because he doesn’t need them, doesn’t need Alphas . He only needs to live . And with his beautiful pup, he will finally be happy.
It is not your fault , Taehyung’s words suddenly ring in his mind. You are just… a little broken. Time will fix it.
Jimin almost laughs. Because it has been 4 years and he is still broken and sad. It has been 4 years and he is still afraid of Alphas. It has been 4 years, and he still can’t look his best friend Yoongi in the eyes. Are they even considered bestfriend still? Looking back at it, he doesn’t know how it happened, how he lost his best friend.
What happened 4 years ago wasn't Yoongi’s fault.
Jimin blames himself for what happened. No matter what his friends told him otherwise, he still believed it was his fault. His grandparents used to remind him to behave if he presented as an Omega and to never submit if he presented as an Alpha. He didn’t understand that concept, didn’t understand why he should behave, why he had to submit to someone of higher ranking. They said he would be punished if he didn’t, that there would be consequences if he didn’t follow the norms. He didn’t think his grandparents were right, it shouldn’t be right but his grandparents were never wrong.
Jimin didn’t follow their words and he was punished for it.
He had no one to blame but himself. He was young and naive. He was only eighteen, just right after he was presented as an Omega, when his life slowly turned upside down. He never thought himself as an oblivious person, he knew when someone flirted with him, he knew when someone was trying to court him. He wasn’t an easy person to impress. Even when many Alphas of his age or a little older than him showed their interest in him, either by giving him gifts or displaying their dominance to show how worthy they are to be his significant other.
He was careful not to give in to their sweet talking. Jimin loved to be doted on, loved to be spoiled with attention despite his shyness. But, also, because of his shy personality, he just didn’t choose anyone that fit to be an ideal Alpha. He still preferred someone who understood him; his clinginess, his annoying habits, his shy but stubborn demeanor, someone who loved him for who he really was, despite his lackness and flaws.
But there was this one person who was so persistent and so determined to ask him out. He was Alpha Lee Kihyun, a senior who played basketball in a team Jimin was so familiar with. Alpha Kihyun went through all sorts of trouble just to get his attention, from showing up at his front door in the early dawn to following him around the school, always hovering above his tiny frame, displaying his dominance and possessiveness in front of the other alphas. It came to the point that he was “convinced” that Kihyun really loved him until he finally agreed to be courted.
The efforts Kihyun took to court him was so endearing that he couldn't help but feel touched. Blinded by the alpha’s sweet talking and gentle treatments, he kept denying when his friends pointed out how Kihyun was actually being possessive and controlling. Jimin admitted he actually liked the attention the alpha gave to him and the way Kihyun went all “protective” when it came to other alphas trying to get his attention as well. It made him feel kind of important? But eventually Kihyun’s act of protection gradually turned into an unhealthy jealousy. As it awakened the demon inside the alpha, Jimin realized he was already too late. He couldn’t be saved by the demon he was made to believe he had created it.
Kihyun was a nice and sweet alpha at the beginning, he was the kind of alpha who made you feel like you were the only one for him and Jimin believed he was the only one for Kihyun and vice versa. They were happy, a perfect couple everyone would say. Then, Kihyun went to college but distance was never an issue when their high school and university were just across from each other. Kihyun still came over to his school during break; even during classes, Kihyun kept texting him, asking him what he was doing, where he was going, who he was eating with. While his best friend, beta Kim Taehyung frowned at that, Jimin only cooed at how worried his boyfriend was.
Everything was perfect.
Then, Jimin and Taehyung finished high school and followed their older friends, enrolling in the same University as them. Not only Jimin got to reunite with Kihyun, but also his alpha best friend, Min Yoongi. They had known each other longer than he had known Kihyun. They used to be as clingy as lovers would be, often cuddling and scenting each other without themselves realizing. After Jimin presented as Omega, they notched it down a bit, albeit reluctant on Jimin's part. It was Yoongi who often shied away from Jimin’s affection and it only got a lot worse after Jimin dated Kihyun. Jimin missed his best friend but he couldn’t complain now that he had a boyfriend who could coddle him instead.
It was fine for the first few months. He was busy anyway, with assignments and tests piling up and he still hadn’t gotten used to University life yet and Kihyun was always there for him. So, he never got to ask Yoongi why he wasn't around much lately. Then one day, he got a text message he had been looking forward to from his group chat; asking for everyone in the group to hangout. Finally, he could meet everyone. He could meet Yoongi and ask him for cuddles!
However much reluctance Yoongi was that night, he gave in eventually because who could resist Jimin’s pouty lips and puppy eyes? They had a movie night at beta Kim Seokjin’s dorm; Jimin, Yoongi and Taehyung huddled in the sofa, while Seokjin and their other two beta friends; Jung Hoseok and Kim Namjoon took the mat on the floor with blankets engulfed their forms. It was their second movie, Jimin was nodding off, head falling to rest on Yoongi’s shoulder. Yoongi didn’t wake him, even when the movie was over, he waited until the others left and it was only Jimin, Yoongi and Seokjin in the room.
Jimin didn’t remember how he got back to his own room but Yoongi’s scent had lingered on him until the very next morning. When Jimin woke up, it was to the scent of burnt woods. It smelt rotten and wrong. For the first time in his life, Jimin felt scared. Lee Kihyun was standing by his bed, arms crossed against his chest as he looked down at him. The look Kihyun threw at him made him cowered, head ducked down to avoid his gaze. It made him feel small and forced him into a submission.
Kihyun knew whose scent it belonged to, after all Jimin used to smell like it; sweet peachy scent mixed with a spicy cinnamon scent, a scent he was already familiar with but it didn’t make his anger less. In fact, it made the demon inside him flare. Gone was the warmth in his eyes and the gentleness of his touch. Gone was the pleasing scent of firewood and the comfort of his soothing voice.
Warning bells were ringing inside Jimin’s head screaming at him to run but he couldn’t move, not even when Kihyun moved to hover above him, not even when he felt his cold hands around his neck. His eyes blurred and bulging as he stared eyes wide at Kihyun. He opened his mouth to beg him to stop but nothing came out but a sharp and broken gasp. He felt his airways constricted, and in panicked, his feet thrashed violently against the mattress, his nails scratched the hands of his boyfriend. When Kihyun let go, Jimin gasped loudly, inhaling the air his lungs desperately needed.
That was his first warning.
Kihyun left him to think of all the wrongs he had done, a sort of punishment for his bad behavior. He eyed his phone on the bed stand which he assumed Yoongi had placed last night when he took him back to his room.
Yoongi..
The first sob escaped his lips.
Yoongi.
And he cried. Not just from the fear of dying but the realization that he will never escape this nightmare in the form of Kihyun. The purple marks which already began to bloom around his neck would serve as a reminder for him not to misbehave .
Jimin tried to sit up but he felt drained to even move or maybe he was just afraid. He forced a word out of his throat, whimpering at the sharp jolt of pain running through his throat. He brought a hand to his neck, careful as he ran a finger over the side of his neck, lips pressed tightly to suppress another whimper. He didn’t dare to look in the mirror, didn’t dare to see the product of Kihyun’s anger and jealousy.
Propping his head properly on the soft pillow, he laid still, helplessly. Too exhausted to move, too broken to do anything, to eat or to treat his bruised neck. He only laid there, arms and legs sprawled lazily on the bed. He thought about what happened earlier, how he could’ve died in the hands of Kihyun, how if Kihyun was seconds too late to release him, he would have turned blue and lifeless.
Kihyun would have really killed him, but then again, he might already have.
When the alpha came back, carrying a tray of warm food with him, it caused a turmoil in his head. As if the prior event never happened, Kihyun spoke with such tenderness that he almost believed he was just having a nightmare but the sharp pain in his throat as he swallowed a spoonful of warm soup reminded him that the nightmare was very real.
-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈
Jimin swallows the lump in his throat, hands cupping at his neck, as if the event years ago happened only last night.
“Are you alright, dear?”
Jimin yelps in shock, looking up to an omega female nurse hovering above him. She looks mildly concerned, so as the other occupants in the room. The nurse is staring worriedly at his hands that are still wrapped around his neck. “Oh, yes” He quickly puts down his hands on his laps and apologizes, bowing his head a few times.
The nurse doesn’t seem entirely convinced but she doesn’t want to push the younger into a panicked attack. Nodding, she pulls on the gentlest smile she could offer as she speaks. “Alright, dear. Call us if you need anything, okay? I’m just right there” She points at the reception desk.
Jimin nods appreciatively, a small shy of thanks following after. He watches as the nurse retreats back to her station before he looks down to his hands, which he just realizes, are shaking. Even after all these years, he is still haunted by the memories of Lee Kihyun .
He clasps his hands and squeezes it in between his thighs, hoping it would stop the tremors. But his head keeps flashing back his past memories like a broken film.
-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈
Jimin remembered for the past few days after the first event, he avoided any social interaction. It’s not like he could contact any of his friends. After that day, Kihyun had taken his phone captive and his neck condition forced him to stay in the mess of his nest. He only got up to go to the toilet or to the kitchen to eat a meal if he had the will to. Swallowing a spoon of rice felt like swallowing a shard of glass, so it left him with no option but to eat porridge or broth.
Kihyun visited after his evening class, with a grocery bag in his hands as he skipped past the living room to the small kitchen. It confused the Omega whenever Kihyun acted like his past self, bringing takeaways or even cooking a warm meal for him. His heart still hammered when the senior nudged the spoon to his lips and fed him. He still blushed when Kihyun tucked his hair to his ear and told him what a good boy he was when he swallowed his cooked meal.
He was treated like a prince, like he was precious. And it made him believe that one night was just a mistake and Kihyun was trying his best to make up for it. Jimin forgot the bruise on his neck and didn’t question why none of his friends showed up at his door to see how he was doing.
He came back to school like nothing had happened. He pretended nothing had happened, as far as avoiding his best friend, Beta Kim Taehyung’s constant questions of “ Where had you been ?”, “ Kihyun told me you’re sick and didn’t want any of us to disturb your rest”, “But i know you, you’re clingy when you’re sick. You’d look for me or Yoongi hyung when you’re sick. What happened?”
The only answer Taehyung got was “Yea, I was sick but Kihyun was always with me” and a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.
If Taehyung was hurt by his answer, Jimin didn’t say anything to comfort him.
They walked to their class quietly. It was never quiet between them. Taehyung was always loud, always had funny stories to tell and Jimin always responded with his squeaky laughter. They were a loud duo even in class. The teachers would’ve to keep hushing them but when the duo only bursted into a giggly mess after, they’d throw them a dead, silent glare as a warning before they punished them to stand outside the class.
It was different this time. They sat quietly beside each other because they could never be separated even if they fought. They’d always find their way to each other. Taehyung’s presence itself was a comfort to Jimin, despite them not talking to each other and he knew the other felt the same way because a moment later he felt their knees were touching.
His lips curved into a small smile and he leaned against his friend as he doodled random words to his notebook, not really listening to the lecture.
“He misses you too”
Jimin jolted a little in surprise, chair squeaking loudly as he did so. It took only a second for him to realize what he just did and he flashed a sheepish smile to his teacher who wasn’t so amused. When the class continued, he turned to glare at Taehyung who only grinned cheekily at him. What ? He mouthed.
Taehyung didn’t say anything but eyed his notebook with a knowing smirk.
Curious, he looked down only to see a few, no scratched that, scribbles of yoongi all over the page, with a few holly , taetae and heart shapes. His cheeks burned in embarrassment. Why did he scribble Yoongi’s name? Was he thinking about the elder unconsciously?
Yoongi.
-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈
After weeks of not seeing his friends, Jimin promised to make up the time they lost during his healing . They met after class, at Yoongi and Hoseok’s dorm. Jimin had always complained how lonely he was living alone and wished he could have a roommate too but unfortunately his dorm had only one bedroom. The other three Betas, Kim Namjoon, Kim Seokjin and Kim Taehyung joined a little after Hoseok had his third shot of soju.
The room was filled with boisterous laughter and loud screaming after that. It was always ten times chaotic and loud when Taehyung and Hoseok were put in the same vicinity. And Jimin loved this moment the most. When he could be as carefree as he wants, and be vocal and loud as he wants because the downside of being an Omega was, he was always expected to be docile and soft spoken, to know when to speak or be quiet. But his friends never expected him to act like an ideal Omega and never punished him from being playful and free .
Jimin didn’t regret his decision to spend his free time with his friends that evening. He was at peace. Being surrounded with his most important person, he couldn’t be happier. Jimin laughed so hard, his throat was starting to hurt but he didn’t stop laughing. His bruises had long faded into a dull dark brown. Still, Jimin chose to wear a turtleneck sweater to cover them.
He watched his friends in silence, engraving these happy memories to his head. Oh, he will miss this. The couch dipped and he felt a familiar presence beside him. Jimin didn’t have to turn to see who he was. With a happy sigh, he leaned his head against his friend’s shoulder. He truly was gonna miss this.
Why did this feel like a goodbye?
“You okay?”
Jimin tilted his neck so he could see Yoongi who was looking at him worriedly. He knew the Alpha had so many questions regarding his disappearance. “Yeah” And Jimin wasn’t really lying when he said, “I’m happy right now, hyung ”
For the rest of the night, he relished in the company of his close friends. He ate too much sugar, sang a really really sad song and cried when Love, Rosie was put on tv. When the movie credits finally rolled, everyone had passed out from exhaustion except Jimin who was still very much awake. His phone vibrated in his pants pocket; it had been for the past few hours.
“You sure he doesn’t mind you staying here this late?”
Jimin jerked in surprise, hitting Yoongi’s chin in the process. He squeaked; eyes widened at the Alpha. “I’m so sorry!” His voice was hoarse from all the crying earlier. “I-I thought you had fallen asleep”
“Can’t sleep when you are all over me,” Yoongi teased.
And only then Jimin realized how close they were, the younger was literally snuggling the Alpha. They were no stranger to cuddling, having known each other since late elementary school. In fact, they used to have a sleepover at each other’s home before Yoongi was presented as an Alpha.
“What are you thinking?”
“Why did we stop having sleepovers?” He blurted out, the bottom lip jutted out into a pout.
“Well, can’t have your boyfriend threaten me when you have my scent on you” Yoongi had meant it as a joke but the way the Omega tensed in his arms made him think he just hit a sensitive topic. Jimin was always insecure about how their friends viewed his boyfriend. They were never really fond of that Alpha but they did try to be as supportive as they could. “I mean-” He scratched his neck, “People will misunderstand us if we have our scent on each other especially now that our scents are stronger”.
“Uhm, y-yeah” There was an awkward silence after that. Jimin quickly detached himself from the Alpha and fiddled with his sweater paws instead. When his thigh vibrated from the notification he seemed to receive every ten minutes, he finally decided to pull out his phone. Dread creeped into his skin when the caller ID appeared on the screen, not that he wasn’t expecting it.
“You alright?”
Jimin turned to look at Yoongi, eyes widening. “I-” He could smell his own pheromone emanating through the air which caught the Alpha off guard. “It-it’s fine” He faked a smile, quickly replacing his sour pheromone into a sweet one, although somewhat dull. “I need to go home now, Kihyun is waiting for me”
Jimin was almost at the door when he heard hurried footsteps approaching him, he turned around then, cocking an eyebrow at the Alpha.
“It’s late, I’ll give you a ride” He explained, already pulling out his car key from his pocket.
No. He already smelt too much like Yoongi, he couldn’t be in a tight space with the Alpha right now. “It’s okay, I’ll text you when I get home!” Jimin quickly bid him goodbye without waiting for Yoongi to argue and disappeared behind the closed door.
Yoongi didn’t receive Jimin’s text that night, not the day after or a week after.
Because the night Jimin came home drenched with Yoongi’s spicy scent, Kihyun turned into his animalistic side and painted more color in his skin. The colorful bloom would’ve looked beautiful on his pale skin if only there was no pain coming from such a beauty.
And that, Jimin stopped living.
-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈
But Jimin lives. He still struggles but he lives. His friends couldn’t be prouder. As he gets up in the morning, washes his face and eats a decent breakfast. His friends have voiced out how pleased they are to see Jimin get better each day.
Because it used to be bad, he used to stay locked inside his house, even refusing to get out of bed. It used to be a lot bad, even a sniff of an alpha scent had him go into a panicked attack. But he's getting better now. After a few years, he could say he had it worse.
Jimin startled when a nurse finally called his name, having deep into his own thoughts, he didn't realize the nurse had been trying to get his attention, resulting in a few stares from the other visitors. He raises his hand like a lost kid he was and smiles shyly when the nurse offered him a warm smile and coaxed him to follow her.
His heart quickens as he falls into step behind the nurse, knowing where she's leading him to.
He's trying for a pup. Him, a young and unmated Omega. He's not ready, like what everyone had been telling him. What the fuck was he thinking?
He is almost ready to turn around and bolt. Almost. But then he heard it, making him halt in his step. He looks over his shoulder and his eyes widen. There, a young couple, probably a little bit older than him, and the woman, an Omega, is holding her newborn pup in her arms.
She is trying to hush the crying newborn while her partner is cooing at their pup. There it is.
His chest feels light and his cracked heart seems to slowly hold itself together, almost perfectly in shape.
This is why he is here.