Chapter Text
Spring 2013
He was going to be sick. All he had wanted to do when his alarm went off was pretend this morning didn’t exist. Except the universe was cruel and he wasn’t allowed to stay in a warm bed hating life with his boyfriend. Instead Leonard McCoy had to drag his ass out of bed and get across town to MGH for his research clerkship.
By many standards it wasn’t a bad morning, but it was Black Monday so the usual standards didn’t exist. Through some will of God, he managed to get through the morning without insulting anyone too badly or looking like a complete idiot. Then it was just surviving the return trip to his apartment.
At least the fine people of Boston had the sense to keep a wide berth on the scowl-faced man mumbling to himself on the ride back. Len trudged up the three flights of stairs with just enough energy left to throw his bag down by the door, and then himself across the sofa.
God, what was he going to do with his life if he didn’t get matched? His mind couldn’t even fathom a reality where he didn’t place into a residency. Len needed to be a doctor. He needed to prove that he could do this on his own merit and he wasn’t just another in a long line of McCoys going into the family businesses. If he didn’t…
“Bones, relax.”
He lifted his head, squinting at Jim who had seemed to suddenly appear in their apartment. “Relax? This is my life, happening right now, completely without my control.” Surely there was something weird happening, but he couldn’t really focus on that. “There are 195 neurosurgery positions in the country. Last year something like 400 people applied for them, which means that almost half had to settle for different internship or subject themselves to the scramble. The scramble, Jim”
Interviews were stressful enough, but to add having to scavenger around and take whatever was left? Leonard McCoy did not have the patience to deal with that.
“Yes, relax,” said Jim crossing the room. He nudged Len to make space for him on the sofa. Len shifted without even really having to think about, just letting Jim in like had had for almost four years now – and that almost made him sick too. “Like you said this moment is entirely out of your control. Okay?”
Len glared and Jim couldn’t help but smile back. “And you know what?” he continued. “You’re going to get matched. So don’t look at me like that. You are, you know why?”
“Why?” He said moving into Jim to find just the right spot.
“Because you rocked the first step. You have three publications with your name attached. And let’s not forget that you applied to 19 programs, and how many of those programs offered you interviews?”
“Nineteen.”
Jim placed a kiss to the side of Len’s head. “That’s right, all of them.”
Of the nineteen interviews he was offered, he went to twelve, and even managed a few second looks. No matter if he felt good about his chances at a few of the places, it was still a numbers game.
“That’s not a guarantee you’ll get matched, plenty of people have applications stronger than mine and oh God-” Len squeezed his eyes shut, feeling like he was going to sick all over again.
“Only you’re not plenty of people. You’re Leonard Horatio McCoy, who could stand to improve his bedside manner, but I’ve met the doctors and the nurses you’ve done your clerkships with they love you.”
Len craned his head to look up at Jim, studying that sincere look on his face. He honestly couldn’t imagine wanting to be any other place than right here. Right now, Jim Kirk was his rock.
“But not more than I do.” Jim smiled again, closing the distance to press a brief kiss. As nice as it was to kiss Jim, Len wasn’t really in the mood for anything other than comfort and Jim seemed to get the message. “So, while we have time to kill, I want to find out what happened with the hatch.”
Jim pulled away enough to turn on the television and queue up the latest episode of Lost. It was something that Jim declared as an imperative when it became clear that he and Bones were in the minority of people who hadn’t see the show at all. Convincing Len it was a good idea had taken some work, but now it was an easy sort of thing they could just kick back on the sofa and enjoy after a long day.
By the time the alarm on his phone went off and Desmond running around the island naked, Len had almost forgotten what he was waiting for. Almost. But it really didn’t take long for the panic to set back in just where he left off.
So, Jim just kissed him again. “Are you ready for this?”
“No,” he said. Len wanted to shrink back down and disappear into the sofa, but Jim wouldn’t let him. He just handed Len the laptop over so he could log into his account, trying not to think about the site crashing as any sort of sign. For as long as he waited for this moment, it was weird to think that with one irrelevant click he would know.
“I can’t do it. I can’t look. You have to do it for me.” It wasn’t exactly cowardice, but it wasn’t rational either. Len just thought he could better handle whatever news was coming if Jim said it.
Under any other circumstance, Jim might have made a big fuss about it, wanting to build the tension, but he also wanted to have sex tonight. So, he just took the laptop back to make that click that would reveal Dr. Leonard McCoy’s fate.
“Well?”
Trying to remain as neutral as he could, he moved the laptop back to the coffee table. But try as he might there was still that crinkle at the side of his eyes that gave away the smile he was holding back. “You, my dear Bones, are going to get the chance to be a neurosurgeon.”
Len was sure there were going to be more words after that. It was Jim Kirk and there were always more words. Only Len didn’t want to talk anymore.
He threw his arms around Jim, pulling those lips into a bruising kiss as if it was Jim who just decided that today he got what he wanted. The vibrations of laughter in Jim’s throat died as his lips became preoccupied with other things.
Of all the times they kissed in the five years spanning their relationship, every time it was different. This kiss was sloppy with a pinch of awkward, fueled by too much excitement, relief, and something that neither of them was ready to name yet. The throw pillows and blankets went in every direction as their clothes reached the point of annoyance.
Len paused, pulling away with a curse slipping from his lips. Still a bit love-drunk, Jim tried to pull Len back onto him. He did have sort of a rhythm going. “What is it?”
“Now, I have to wait until Thursday to know where I’m going to be spending the next seven years of my life.”
Jim let out a long sigh, trying not to whine. “Worry about that later?” He reached up, pulling on Len’s collar to bring those lips fully back down to his.
“Yeah, worry about that later,” he agreed kissing him again.
Right then it didn’t matter that Jim probably had school or work, or that Len had articles to catch up on. The world didn’t exist outside of this sofa because if there were a world beyond this point, it would have been somehow different and they weren’t ready to face that yet.
Compared to Monday, Thursday was easier. Of course it didn’t hurt that Jim was with him right from the start this time. Even if the matches would be posted to the web in a little more than an hour, Len sort of liked the tradition of Match Day.
All of the medical students from his year were packed into Gordon Hall’s second-floor. It was almost like the administration had thrown an impromptu party. Len found himself chatting with people who hadn’t really seen since the introductory classes when they started. It was interesting to watch Jim talking with his classmates like he was one of them. It was even better to hear Jim’s varied responses when they asked him what his specialty was.
Ahead of him, the first of his peers had opened their envelopes already overcome with tears of joy. It was weird to think that with one white envelope he and Jim were going to have to face the reality they accepted but never really talked about. Sure, Len might have looked at a few programs in Texas, knowing that masters in hand that was where Jim was headed, but that it was mostly symbolic. They didn’t expect to be in the same place four months from now, but it had been nice to pretend.
Except now that pretending was going to be just a little bit more difficult.
“All right, Bones, moment of truth,” said Jim pulling Len back into the moment. “But this time you’re going to have to do it yourself.”
Len nodded, trying to push down the knot building in his stomach as he ripped open the envelope. He always had steady hands, but they were shaking now. And Jim was just there steady and sure watching him with a warm look of affection on his face.
At least that was what it looked like on the surface. Underneath it all, Jim was freaking out a little too. The difference was he knew that now was not his time to lose it. This whole week he needed to keep it together for Bones. His moment would come later.
“Emory,” said Len. “I got into Emory. I’m going home.”
Jim wasn’t sure what he had expected, but it wasn’t this. Suddenly he was standing there, watching Bones blink back tears and knowing he was doing the exact same thing.
He was not supposed to be crying.
Not wanting to draw any more attention to the tears, he threw his arms around Bones with murmurs of congratulations. Today he would give Bones everything he could, knowing later he would get it back when he needed it most.
From that point, it was a beautiful swan song of their last weeks and months together. They both knew it was going to hurt. There would be days when the realization of the future hit them like an elephant gun. However, neither one was willing to quit while they still had time.
They took turns breaking down, having moments of not wanting to get out of bed, and it worked. Most days were filled with the same things the weeks and years before carried, but the tone was different. Their world was changing and they were being forced to grow up.
May arrived too soon and the boxes came out. The process of sorting four years worth of dinners, sleepovers, fights, and everything else began. Jim had never realized how much stuff he had, or even how much of his stuff were things proliferated from Bones. Even as they were starting to physically divide their things, they did it together.
“So, I’ve been thinking.”
Len stopped, looking up at Jim. “You thinking? Well, this ought to be good.”
The fact that Jim rolled his eyes was only proof they had been living together for a long time. “Once I start flight school it’s a ten year commitment – ten years moving wherever the Air Force tells me and it’s really not all that different from what you’re doing, seven years working yourself crazy in Atlanta. So, I’ve been thinking we need a plan, or that I need a plan.” He corrected himself, not sure if he should be speaking for Bones anymore.
“I want to be a test pilot.” This was nothing new. That had been the plan since Jim decided to join the AFROTC program once Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was repealed. Len still wasn’t sure how he felt about Jim joining the armed services, but it wasn’t really his place to ban him from anything. All he could do was be supportive and make sure Jim did his research. “That means for at least the next five years I have to focus entirely on the job if I want to be a strong candidate. Which means no time for dating, so I’m just going to put that whole part of my life on hold.”
“You’re not going to have sex for the next five years?”
Jim put the books he was holding into the box before moving over to invade Len’s space on the floor. “I didn’t say that. I just said that there won’t be any dating, and that all plans of family building are going to be on hold.”
“I don’t get why you are telling me this.” Len was careful in his words, trying not to read too much into what was being said. The uncertainty of the future was something they mutually decided not to talk about. It was better for them both that way.
“I’m just saying that in like seven to ten years if you haven’t found some nurse, doctor, hospital administrator, or whatever and settled down, we should meet up, go out for drinks, see what happens.”
It was probably cheating to be saying those sorts of things while Jim settled in between Len’s legs with his hands settling in all of the right places. Only Bones didn’t really see the need to protest.
“Seven years, huh?”
“Yeah, seven years.”
The conversation dissolved from there, turning into another round of ‘we haven’t had sex in this room this week.’
From there it was graduation ceremonies, proud parents, and saying goodbye to friends with promises to keep in touch that were only half felt. Once the crowds were gone, the apartment fully packed up and the sub-letters ready to move in, it just left the two of them at Logan Airport.
They wouldn’t cry. They didn’t say ‘I’ll love you forever’ or plead to not go. None of those things needed to be said then. They had been said more than enough for the four months prior. All they could do was hold the other just a little bit closer, not ready to let go. Probably never ready to let go.
“I swear if you start singing a camp song right now I will hurt you.”
Jim leaned his head back so he could smile at Bones – beautiful and heartbreaking all at once. “And by hurt do you mean break down and cry like you did both those summers?”
“Shut up.” Len swatted Jim’s arm, chasing the hit with a discreet kiss.
“Besides, I was actually going to go with a big moving speech about how we are meant to be some epic love story, spanning ages and miles, lives ruined, bloodshed. You know epic, because no one ever writes songs about the ones that come easy.”
That caused Len to laugh, the tension in his body uncoiling a little. “Logan Echolls? Is that really how you see yourself?”
“Come on, Bones, you totally love me, even if I was Logan Echolls. And I just said you were Veronica Mars, which is a total compliment by the way.”
He still remembered that day he came home early to catch Jim watching Veronica Mars and acting like he had been caught watching porn. If he had been caught watching porn it probably would have gone a lot better. At least that would be more expected.
“Alright, I’ll be Veronica Mars, but let’s go light on the lives ruined and bloodshed, okay?”
“Hey, you’re the one going to be a doctor – the blood part is expected.”
“I am a doctor.”
“Right, Doctor Leonard McCoy.” Jim always said it in a way that just made it sound filthy. Not that Len was surprised any. That was what Jim was good at, turning just about everything into a come on. He would miss that, he would miss a lot of things, but if he were lucky – if they were both lucky, they would be too busy to notice.
Still, seven years was a long time to wait.
Cliché as it was, he was glad that they had both booked flights departing around the same time. It gave them every last moment that they could have. Jim had even offered to take the flight to Atlanta with Bones, but Bones insisted that it was foolish. Really he didn’t think he could do this twice. He needed to keep this wrapped up in Boston, especially if he was supposed to start the next chapter of his life in Atlanta.
“We’ll always have Boston,” said Len quietly.
“You give me crap about quoting Rob Thomas and you go all Casablanca on me?”
“Bogart’s a classic, not even on the same level.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
The two lapsed into a silence. They needed nothing more than the sure entwinement of their hands to fill the space. Well, that wasn’t entirely true, but it was comfort enough.
Not long after the gate attendant announced the flight boarding.
“That’s me,” said Jim. He gave Len’s hand a squeeze before he stood up. “I’ll see you later.”
“And here I was hoping for a Desmond quote.”
Jim smiled swallowing back the fact he wanted to cry – especially seeing the same hurt in Len’s face too. “Maybe next time.” There was time for one last kiss, perfect and too brief, but it would do.
“Yeah, next time.”
It might be a lie, but for a moment watching Jim walk away, it was a beautiful one.