Work Text:
“Hey, did you hear some Year 9 has come out as gay?”
Nick just stood there, his eyebrows raised with surprise but not much more. Honestly, he didn’t care that much about some kid who came out. He had to get ready for the next rugby match and that meant focusing mainly on that and not on students who were younger than him.
But the expressions of his friends made him think maybe there was some real story in there. Of course, as far as Nick was concerned, there weren’t any other gay boys at Truham, so finding one in their school was news, but… why would he care, really? It’s not really his business, is it?
“Huh? No?” He replied, looking at the other rugby players. They were all getting ready for their practice, standing or sitting in the locker room and gossiping like little girls. Seriously, that was probably the thing Nick disliked the most about his friends – the whole gossip thing. He didn’t understand why they liked sticking their noses EVERYWHERE.
One of his teammates smirked. “Yeah, d’you know Charlie Spring from Year 9? Apparently he’s gay.” He snickered along with his friends and Nick, still mostly just unbothered, ignored that.
“Where did you hear that?”
“It’s going round the whole school.” Sai said, tying his shoelaces together one more time after opening them, claiming they were too tight for his liking. “He’s been getting a lot of shit for it, I think.”
Nick frowned, but one of the other rugby players nodded, seemingly smug. “I mean, this is an all-boys school!” He ruffled his hair nonchalantly and nudged Harry Greene who smiled back at him, his eyes gleaming. “What did he expect?”
It’s been a month since that conversation, but Nick didn’t really count the days seeing as he could barely even remember the words being thrown back then. So there was a gay boy at their school – big deal. What he really cared about was the way they actually won their rugby match despite Brian’s injury. They needed him still, so they told him to sit and hope no one would get hurt during the game so he wouldn’t have to come and play, but in all honesty, Nick knew they wouldn’t have lasted with the hurt guy on the field.
A couple of days later Brian quit and left the team without one player, meaning they had to find a replacement. Nick looked for people who could fill in the empty spot, but honestly, most people who were fit enough didn’t want to join, claiming they had some other important things to take care of that were more important. Which he got, obviously. Unlike Harry, who decided they were all purposefully being jerks.
Nick had to bite his tongue to not tell him it took a jerk to know a jerk.
“We have to find a new reserve, Nelson.” Mrs. Singh sighed, leaning forward on her table inside her office with Nick sitting opposite her. He was clearly going to be the team captain in the near future and she included him in most decisions she had to make about the team. He couldn’t tell her who would play or wouldn’t play, but he could tell her what he thought of the members of the team and she usually considered his opinion, thinking about his words and actually listening.
He nodded and looked out her window, seeing the raindrops falling on the grass of the field, making it all slippery and dangerous. That was how Brian got hurt in the first place, after all.
Nick crossed his arms over his chest and frowned. “I don’t know who to even approach with this. Most people just don’t have the time to play rugby. And we don’t want someone awful since we actually do want to win sometimes.”
Mrs. Singh smirked. “Just don’t forget this is only a school team. It’s nothing serious.” She let her head fall back and then smiled at Nick gesturing towards the door. “You should head home now. We’ll figure something out, don’t worry.” And she looked at the framed picture on her table. Nick wondered who was in it but decided not to pry. It was none of his business, after all. So he got up, bid goodbye to the trainer and stepped outside, opening his umbrella to keep himself mostly dry.
As he walked home, he was certain finding a new reserve would be a hard, almost impossible task. He thought they’d still be looking for month before finally spotting someone good enough for the team.
Boy, how wrong was he.
The rugby team was in the middle of another practice, this time midday since most members didn’t have any lessons that period, when Nick spotted him for the first time. He had no idea who that boy was, but it was clear he was fast.
“Come on, Year 9s!” The coach of the class yelled at the PE students running around the track, panting and barely holding it together. All but one. There was a boy with tanned skin and curly hair that waved swiftly in the wind running ahead of everyone, his face focused. Maybe slightly unbothered. He ran as if there was nothing holding him back. Or as if there was something chasing him, pushing him forward. He looked like he was flying. “We’ve been doing this all year and no one’s beaten Charlie’s time yet!”
Nick gaped at the boy. He’s never seen someone as fast as he was. None of the other rugby players were that good and Nick certainly wasn’t. He watched as the boy – Charlie – moved his arms back and forth, keeping himself balanced and quick. It was incredible, honestly.
“Nick!”
“What are you staring at?”
Snapping out of it, Nick turned back around to face his teammates. The only ones who noticed his blurry eyes were Christian and Sai, luckily, but he could feel the questioning glances they showered him with without even looking and it made him uncomfortable. So he put on a smile and quickly rejoined the game. “Nothing.” He said and ignored Sai’s whispered question about whether he was okay or not.
He was too busy trying to think about how he’d find out who this Charlie was. He needed him on the team. He needed to find him and then convince him rugby was the right thing for him. Also, he would have to convince Mrs. Singh who would probably look at the younger kid with her judgmental eyes and see mostly his skinny body that didn’t seem to carry much muscles.
But he would do it. He would manage. It’s going to work out, no problem.
There was a huge problem. Namely, the fact that asking the PE class’ coach what the name of the boy was revealed the familiar name of Charlie Spring, the gay kid no one wanted to be around. Nick still didn’t get it – it wasn’t contagious or anything, after all – but he knew the rest of the team would have a problem with his choice. And yet… Charlie Spring ran faster than anyone else at their school! How could Nick ever just let this opportunity go?
So, without actually telling anyone yet apart from Mrs. Singh, Nick started looking for Charlie Spring everywhere. He searched the benches outside during lunchtime and asked a couple of the Year 9 students where they thought the boy could be, but most people had no idea or didn’t care, and the ones who did light up at the name of Charlie Spring mostly mocked the guy, claiming he was probably turning people gay to make himself an army of brainwashed teenagers. It was so ridiculous, Nick didn’t even have the words to react to those claims, so he ignored them and kept on looking.
It took him five days to find Mr. Ajayi’s classroom. The teacher was seated next to his table, an apple in hand and a sad and worried expression on his face, although that changed when Nick knocked lightly and entered the room, looking apologetic. The teacher eyed him cautiously and suspiciously, his apple forgotten on the table.
“S-sorry.” Nick said quickly. “I was just looking for someone and I’m getting kind of desperate. I didn’t mean to disturb you, sir.” He took a step closer, waiting for a sign from the teacher that would tell him to turn around and leave RIGHT THIS MOMENT, but the man simply stared at him, still looking mainly judgmental for some reason. “Perhaps you’d know? I’m looking for Charlie Spring.”
Mr. Ajayi’s eyebrows furrowed further and Nick seriously had no idea what was wrong anymore. It was as if the name itself made the man upset. Was Charlie Spring his student? Was Mr. Ajayi homophobic? Was he simply mad because that was stupid reason for Nick to ruin his lunchtime?
Eventually, a sniffle from the farthest corner of the room drew Nick’s attention and he snapped his head around, his eyes widening at the sight of one Charlie Spring sitting on the ground with his back against the wall. His arms were wrapped tightly around his legs and he peeked up at Nick from behind his curly hair, blue eyes shining with terror and apprehension.
From up close Nick could see he was even smaller than he looked in the field. He was lean and looked almost like a living skeleton with tanned skin thrown on top. Despite the lack of a smile, Nick noticed the shape of a pair of dimples on the boy’s cheeks. What worried Nick about his appearance, though, was the haunted look in the boy’s eyes. He barely reflected any life. If eyes were the gateways to the soul, then Charlie Spring’s soul was long gone.
Swallowing thickly, Nick smiled tenderly. “Hi.”
Charlie Spring stared at him for a moment, something in his expression changing from haunted to slightly less haunted. He eyed Nick with something akin to awe. But it was replaced quickly by a careful frown. “Hi.”
Nick waited, but that was it, apparently. “Right… um…” He breathed out. “I’m Nick Nelson, by the way.”
“I know. Most people around here have heard of the Rugby King himself.” The boy’s voice was so low, Nick could almost miss it. Which was why he took a couple of steps towards Charlie Spring, hearing the sharp inhale of Mr. Ajayi and the hitch coming from Charlie’s corner. He stopped and cocked his head to the side. Should he ask why they were both acting so weird with Nick or should he just head straight to the point? “What do you want?”
Straight to the point it is, then.
“I was wondering if maybe you’d like to join the rugby team.” He said, his voice wavering at the end because he could tell the words were NOT what Charlie expected to hear from him AT ALL. The way the boy’s face turned from suspicious to shocked was almost funny. Nick would have actually laughed if it wasn’t for the way Charlie Spring seemed to curl into himself even more. It was like watching a shy kid trying to blend into the wall and disappear.
Charlie blinked at him. “What?”
“I just saw you running the other day when I had practice and your year had PE. You were really fast – I’ve never seen anything like it – and I thought… well, we’re short on one player and we could use someone as fast as you. That’s why I’ve been looking for you for the past week. Haven’t you heard I’ve been asking about you?”
The boy’s intrigued expression fell and he looked away from Nick, his lips pressed tightly together into a thin line. Even his dimples seemed to frown. “I’ve been busy hearing other things.”
Nick was halfway to opening his mouth in order to ask Charlie what he meant by that, but then the comments about the guy floated back in his head. Mean words spoken by his own peers. Only because he was, apparently, gay. Who CARED if he was gay? He was still just another student at Truham! Why did everyone have to be so mean to him? And if they said those things to Nick, what would they tell Charlie Spring himself?
He frowned at his feet, staring angrily at his shoes as if blaming them for everything. He still had no idea what Charlie’s been through this year, but he was certain it wasn’t pleasant in the least. Suddenly it was clear to him why he couldn’t find Charlie. He’s been hiding in this classroom, avoiding the bullies and the comments. And the look on Mr. Ajayi’s face when Nick asked about Charlie was one of protection. He was one of the nicest teachers in the school, after all. He probably let Charlie stay here, where it was safe, and having someone who was clearly looking for the Year 9 boy… it was probably concerning. Maybe he thought Nick would mock Charlie here.
“I’m sorry.” Charlie spoke suddenly. He glanced up at Nick for a moment before looking away. “I really don’t think it would be a good idea for me to join the rugby team.”
Right… Nick was waiting for an answer. He looked over his shoulder at the teacher who was done with his apple now and just looked at them with slightly narrowed eyes. When he eyed Nick his expression finally softened a bit.
“I think what Charlie is trying to say is that he’s going to think about it.” Mr. Ajayi finally spoke and both teens gaped at him. Charlie was clearly taken aback by the teacher’s words but Nick recovered quickly and smiled. He quickly tore a note from one of his notebooks and used Mr. Ajayi’s pen to scribble down his Instagram username. Once he was done he walked towards Charlie who backed away into the wall, staring up at him with warring emotions.
“Here. If you have any questions or if you ever change your mind, just text me.” When Charlie didn’t make a move to grab the piece of paper Nick winced. “I promise this isn’t some sort of trick to mock or offend you. You can just take it and never write anything, too. It doesn’t matter. Just… take it.”
And eventually Charlie did. He tentatively pulled the slip of paper from between Nick’s fingers, careful not to touch the older boy, and then looked at the scribbled letters before the slightest smile broke onto his face, making his dead eyes glint with a spark of life. “Okay.”
@cfspring: If you had to leave a note to people before you die, who would you address it to?
Nick stared at the words appearing on the screen of his phone. The ding alerting him to a new message didn’t surprise him at all – he expected to hear from Otis about going out after practice the next day and so he pulled the phone out about half an hour later, when his homework was done – what he knew, at least – and he felt like chatting with his friend.
But instead of a DM from Otis he got a message from @cfspring. It took him a couple of moments to understand who it was. Charlie Spring finally decided to text him, then. It’s been almost a month and a half since Nick found him in the art room and he’s seen him in the halls ever since from time to time, saying a ‘hi’ and receiving just as much but nothing more.
He considered heading towards the art classroom just to make sure Charlie was alright but every time he decided against it. They weren’t friends, after all. He barely even knew the guy and Charlie seemed like he had some serious trust issues, which made sense considering suddenly Nick noticed all the teasing and mocking the boy received from just about everyone on a daily basis.
These thoughts, combined with the strange and utterly random DM made Nick frown. Why was Charlie asking him about leaving notes for people before dying? Was he serious or was that a theoretical question? He muttered an excuse for his mum and raced up the stairs to his room before closing the door and sitting on his bed, getting comfy.
@nicholasssssz: My mum, dad and friends
@nicholasssssz: Why?
@cfspring: no reason
Nick furrowed his brows. Charlie answered almost immediately and yet his answer wasn’t worth much. He sat a little straighter and then typed again, his fingers rushing to write his thoughts down quickly for some reason.
@nicholasssssz: Oh, and I’d mention Nellie too, of course
There was a beat where Nick only watched the three dots singling Charlie was writing something in response and he used that time to try and decide whether or not to tell anyone about this conversation. The truth was, he figured adults would advise him to tell someone about Charlie’s question about death. But he felt like he needed to keep this to himself. For now, Charlie was typing. He was right there. Everything was alright.
@cfspring: Who?
Seriously? He just typed for a couple of minutes and that was the result? Nick almost felt offended, but then he smiled and motioned for Nellie, the sweetest dog in the world, to jump onto the bed. The moment she was by his side, he took a picture of the two of them with him leaning his head on top of Nellie’s and with her looking at the camera with her tongue sticking out.
Charlie’s response was immediate.
@cfspring: OMGGGGGGG
@cfspring: She’s ADORABLE!
@cfspring: Will you pls kiss her for me??
@Nicholasssssz: Why don’t you come and do it yourself?
@nicholasssssz: Are you free on Saturday?
There was no reply for a moment and Nick couldn’t really blame him. Where did that even come from? Inviting Charlie over only because he texted him after one conversation with the guy. He could be a lunatic for all Nick knew. But… but there was just something about the boy that made Nick trust him.
@cfspring: Sorry. Can’t
Oh. Yeah, Nick should have seen this one coming. Why would Charlie want to come to his house after speaking face to face only once? They weren’t friends. They were barely acquaintances! What did he expect from Charlie? To agree after his own friends bullied him? He probably didn’t like Nick even a little bit, thinking he was going to tease him at the end some way or another.
Nick was just about to change the subject somehow when his phone pinged with another message from the younger boy.
@cfspring: How about next Saturday, tho?
Or maybe Charlie just really couldn’t meet up this Saturday and he was being honest despite Nick’s thoughts. The teen smiled at his phone, his shoulders dropping now that he wasn’t that stressed. Or maybe he still was, but he realized it was kind of stupid, assuming Charlie just didn’t like him.
@Nicholasssssz: Nellie’s gonna wait with bated breath
@cfspring: :D
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
---
“Hi.”
“Hi!”
---
“Hi.”
“Hi. Are you going that way?”
“Yeah, Math. You?”
“Same.”
---
Nick was pretty sure his and Charlie’s way of communicating consisted of one word. One stupid, shortest, dumbest word. Hi. Because every time he saw the younger teen walking down the halls of the school – which was… too many times – Charlie said ‘hi’ and Nick replied, his mind getting all fuzzy at the presence of Charlie close by.
He didn’t know why that was, but it seemed to affect Charlie too because the boy always look flustered around Nick, his cheeks slightly tinged with pink and his mouth quirking up in this adorable way that was all Charlie Spring. It felt weird seeing him when Charlie’s friends were around too, though, since Tao didn’t seem to like him very much, eyeing him with narrowed eyes and a sharp gaze, as if challenging him.
And despite Nick’s innocence, he knew why Tao didn’t like him, especially if he really did care about Charlie as much as he let on. After all, Nick’s friends were the ones who bullied Charlie the most and as the days passed by Nick noticed the boy’s shoulders slumping, dropping further and further down. His head was always hung low with his eyes trained on his converses.
And Nick didn’t do anything to stop it, despite the fact that the boy was clearly losing himself more and more with every mockery thrown his way, as if the words were knives, peeling him off piece by piece and layer by layer. Something in Nick just couldn’t handle it – standing up to the people he called his friends. Even if Harry was mean, Nick found himself worrying more about what his friends would say about him. He was afraid of losing all of them.
When he talked to Charlie about that one evening through texts the boy actually told him he understood. It’s hard standing up to what you believe in when the people in front of you are your closest friends. Charlie wrote. When I came out to Elle and Tao I was so afraid they’d reject me. But I worried for nothing – they’re still the best friends I could have ever asked for.
There’s a pang of jealousy, crawling up Nick’s throat at the mention of Elle and Tao being Charlie’s best friends. They’ve known each other for such a long time, and yet Nick definitely considered Charlie his best friend. But logic told him he would never amount to Tao’s experience with Charlie. There was no way the teen would call Nick his best friend because he already had that.
But Nick pushed those thoughts away, looking at his reflection in the mirror. He had no idea why, but his hair kept falling in a way that just felt wrong. So he kept on trying to manage it better, hoping Charlie would be late. Honestly, the two of them kept on texting so much that Nick could barely believe it’s already been two weeks since Charlie’s first DM.
And then the doorbell rang and it all became that much more REAL.
Racing down the stairs, Nick heard his mum calling for him to open the door. She didn’t really need to say anything considering he’s been itching to hear Charlie’s knock already. So, with only a moment to run his fingers through his hair, Nick opened the front door, smiling at the hunched figure of Charlie Spring on the other side.
The younger boy had at least three layers on. His cheeks were flushed – probably because it was terribly warm – and his hands were just limply hanging by his sides. With his messy curls and awkward smile, Charlie looked like one of the cutest people Nick’s ever seen in his entire life.
“Hey!” Nick exclaimed brightly and Charlie’s smile softened a bit, becoming more sincere than nervous. His dimples were on full display, making Nick feel even more giddy. Charlie Spring came to his house. His friend came to his house for the first time. He’s never felt this excited about such a small thing before in his life, and yet his heart beat quickly in his chest and his thought process swirled mainly around Charlie. Charlie Spring. Charlie Spring in a shirt, a jacket and a coat all at once, standing at his doorstep with a sunny grin.
A bark from between his feet alerted the boys to Nellie’s presence. The dog was looking up at Charlie, her tail flipping curiously and happily behind her. All at once Charlie’s expression changed. He no longer looked nervous – not even one bit. He stared at Nellie with the widest smile Nick’s ever seen on his face and his eyes sparkled with adoration. Nick didn’t need to be a genius to realize Charlie’s just fallen in love with the one and only, Nellie.
Bending down to her level, Charlie started rubbing the fur of the dog. Nellie clearly liked it, sniffing the boy with enthusiasm. “Hi, Nellie!” Charlie cooed and Nick’s heart melted in his chest at that exact moment, leaving him breathless. “You’re so adorable…”
“Yeah, you are.” Nick muttered, surprised by his own voice. Clearly, Charlie heard him too because he lifted his gaze from Nellie to Nick with questioning eyes, his brows slightly furrowed. “I-I mean… Nellie is. Adorable.” He coughed and gestured for Charlie to get inside. “Okay, come in or Nellie will think we’re going for a walk.” And he moved out of the way to allow Charlie to come in.
Still hesitant, and probably not believing Nick’s quick and awkward cover-up, Charlie stood back up, leaving Nellie, and stepped past Nick, his hands working quickly to take his coat off. Nick grabbed it and hanged it by the door, closing the house quickly to ensure Nellie stayed inside. Also, Charlie. Yeah, he really didn’t want the boy to just run off now that he was here.
Nick stood beside Charlie as the boy examined the house. He was shorter than Nick, the top of his head reaching only Nick’s jaw. But he was only fourteen, so it made sense. Sure, Nick was fifteen, but he was almost sixteen and his body already started developing, making him grow higher and higher. Charlie would probably get there eventually.
“So… this is my house.” He noted uselessly and Charlie hummed quietly, nodding his head and still eyeing the furniture and photos lining the walls. When Nick noticed the boy’s eyes lingering on a photo of Nick with his mum and older brother he joined him next to it, his hands twitching. “Oh, that’s my older brother – David. He’s… not here, luckily.”
Charlie gave him a look. “You don’t get along with him?”
Nick shrugged and leaned on the wall beside the picture. “Not really.”
“Well, my sister, Tori, can drive me insane by just appearing out of nowhere all the time. I swear she can just show up all of a sudden next to you and she knows EVERYTHING. And my brother Olly is sometimes so clingy, you need a chainsaw to keep him at arm’s length.” Charlie smiled, relaxed. “But I wouldn’t replace them for anything in the world.”
And it was impossible to not believe Charlie when he looked at him like THAT. So Nick just nodded dumbly, unable to say anything beyond ‘oh’. He had no idea Charlie had siblings. Or maybe he did mention Tori once or twice in his texts, but Nick never really lingered on that, instead choosing to focus on the fact that Charlie Spring was talking to him at all when he was clearly still tense around him, worried Nick would reveal his true self.
As far as Nick was concerned, that was his truest self. He’s never been more himself than when he was talking or texting Charlie. Nervous? Sure. For some reason exchanging words with Charlie made him feel anxious in the best way. But he also felt free to express whatever was on his mind without worrying Charlie would think he was stupid or ridiculous. Not in a mean way like Harry, at least.
“Well, come on, then. Let’s go up to my room. Quit staring ay my photos, it’s embarrassing.” He whined when Charlie just turned back to the photos of Nick as a kid, smiling goofily at the camera with one tooth missing.
Charlie beamed. “But you were so cute.” He turned back to Nick and gave him a once over. “What happened?” For a moment Nick thought he was serious, but then Charlie broke into a wide grin that almost looked devilish. Nick snorted and just grabbed the boy by the arm, pulling him up the stairs with Nellie following them, her tail swinging happily behind her as she skipped.
“Ugh! Why are you so good at this?!” Nick whined after Charlie’s fifth win in a row at Mario Kart. It was honestly embarrassing seeing as Nick was the one who challenged the younger boy to beat him. He had no idea Charlie would be THAT good. Even the sight of the smirk on Charlie’s face after hearing the suggestion didn’t make him waver. He seriously thought he would win this match no problem.
Charlie chuckled, his remote still in hand while Nick’s was on the other end of the bed after he threw it, frustrated. “I have a six-year-old brother. Mario Kart is my life.” Then he put the remote down to point at Nick with his finger. Nick noted the fact that Charlie was left-handed. Who knew? “And you get to be good at real sports. I get to be good at fake ones.”
Huffing, Nick leaned towards Charlie a little, smiling all the while despite complaining. “You’re just good at everything! You nerd!”
There was a flash of hesitation and anxiety in Charlie’s eyes and the boy seemed to cower away before he blinked and smiled back at Nick. He didn’t look quite as smug and happy as before Nick’s comment, but he still seemed alright. Was Nick going too far, calling Charlie a nerd when he was still trying to gain the boy’s trust? He wanted him on the rugby team, after all.
“I am SO not good at everything.”
“You SO are!” Nick laughed. “Let’s see, you’re good at video games, running, math, essays, making friends, playing the drums, mmph..!”
He was cut off by Charlie who put his hand on his mouth to muffle the flow of words escaping it steadily. Nick couldn’t help it, he just burst into laughter, even if Charlie’s palm was still blocking his mouth. It was just too funny. So he closed his eyes and dropped backwards on the bed, Charlie following him, keeping his arm steady. He tried hushing Nick but all that came out of his mouth were giggles.
Charlie looked down at him, gleeful and entertained. For one moment Nick could only stare up at him, his laughter forgotten. With the light coming from the window nearby, Charlie looked like an angel, illuminated by the halo of light above his head, making his hair look even better, if that made any sense considering Nick was sure it was impossible.
The boy suppressed a chuckle. “Shut up.” He scolded Nick playfully and Nick could only think about how Charlie would have been at school if him being outed hadn’t happened at all. Would he have acted like that – seemingly carefree and relaxed? Would he have still been anxious and self-conscious? “What?”
And… he was staring. Nick blushed at the realization. Charlie finally lifted his hand from his face so he could tilt his head to the side, avoiding Charlie’s eyes. Why was he feeling this way again? Like his stomach was filled with flattering butterflies? Like the world’s colours were brighter? More alive? Nick himself felt more alive around Charlie, to be honest, and he had no idea why or how.
He coughed awkwardly and sat back up, Charlie following suit, his eyes filled with worry and anxiety again. “Nothing.” He glanced back at the younger boy and found something else evident on his face – hope? What was Charlie thinking of, though, that made him hopeful? “You wanna go downstairs and find something to eat?”
Nodding, Charlie stood up. “Alright.”
There was disappointment in his voice that no matter what, Nick just couldn’t explain.
Two months later Nick found himself sitting on the sofa at Charlie’s house, his legs covered in a blanket and his eyes staring at the screen as Tony Stark crawled towards the heart reactor left at his workshop earlier during the movie by Pepper Potts. But his thoughts were somewhere else.
As a matter of fact, they were focused on the boy sleeping right beside him. At first he found it amusing, finding out that Charlie fell asleep while watching Nick’s favorite movie. And Charlie did warn Nick about his disinterest in Marvel movies. At least he didn’t hate them like Tao did, though. That would have been a disaster.
But now… now Nick wasn’t amused. He was trying really bad to keep his attention trained on the movie, and the movie alone. But Charlie’s calm and even breaths made that impossible. He glanced at the sleeping boy, his heart in his throat. Tucked under a blanket and with his head lulled on the back of the sofa, Charlie looked so peaceful and innocent.
Looking down, Nick found the boy’s hand resting right between them on the sofa, palm up. He swallowed thickly, thinking about the way he’s been feeling around Charlie. Those two months had been great. Charlie still refused joining the rugby team (“Nick, I’m too small and weak for that! Plus I don’t know the rules of the game at all. AND I seriously can’t hang out with so many Year 10s who bully me every day. Not to mention being with them at the locker room. That would just be mortifying. They’ll never let me live this down!”), but he still hung around Nick, greeting him in the hallways or even blurting out full sentences in front of other people, God forbid. And Nick and him still ate together during lunch at the art room, where Charlie actually lit up, turning into a different person with no eyes on him except for Nick’s.
Charlie even invited Nick to his birthday party to hang out with his friends. It was fun until Nick overheard Tao warning Charlie about Nick, claiming he would eventually let Charlie down somehow. And the way Charlie defended him… it actually broke Nick’s heart. Because hearing Charlie calling him his ‘friend’ was, apparently, not what Nick’s brain wanted to hear.
He wanted more than that.
That night he spent hours reading about the LGBTQ+ community, trying to figure out what he’s been feeling towards Charlie exactly. He wanted it to be simply normal friendship, but the way he wanted to be close to Charlie all the time… how he kept on wanting to brush their arms together or tangle his fingers through the boy’s hair… it just didn’t add up to normal, platonic friendship. Especially when he found himself wanting to be close enough to kiss Charlie.
Maybe he was just curious, wanting to see things from Charlie’s perspective. Wanting to know what Charlie found in men that was so great. Just… exploring this territory, right?
But deep down he knew that wasn’t it. He knew it was something else. Something more. It wasn’t that shallow. So he checked. And then again and again, reading and answering quizzes and trying to figure things out in general. It took him about a month to realize what he related to.
And now, looking at Charlie’s hand, Nick remembered the word once more. He has never said it out loud, too afraid. His throat always choked up at the syllables, making him unable to utter a single word for a while at a time. But… but Charlie’s hand was right there, asking – no… BEGGING – to be held.
So Nick pressed his lips together, glanced over at Charlie and then back at his hand. His arm lifted, Nick held it above Charlie’s palm, feeling small, quiet fireworks as if from afar. He hovered just a moment before furrowing his brows and finally just dropping his hand into Charlie’s his heart stopping. He waited. Then waited some more. But Charlie was still fast asleep, his face peaceful. Maybe even more peaceful than they were before. Or maybe that was simply Nick’s mind playing tricks on him.
Whatever it was, the teen didn’t draw his hand back, instead exhaling slowly and turning back to the TV and his favorite movie, a small, cautious smile on his face.
---
Later on, when Charlie woke up and looked down to find Nick’s hand holding his, Nick swore he saw a spark of shock and hope lighting his face before Olly – Charlie’s little brother – burst into the room, exclaiming it was time to eat dinner. And so, without giving any explanations, Nick just followed the still very confused and very flustered Charlie to the dining table, his heart beating out of control behind his ribcage.
“How did you realize you’re gay?”
The question slipped out of Nick’s mouth before he could stop it, his face growing hot. It just came out of nowhere. At least… it felt that way. Although Charlie and he WERE in Charlie’s room with Charlie busy playing the drums and Nick wandering around the room until he spotted a small pride flag hidden behind a couple of books. He took it out and smiled down at it before the question got out.
Immediately, Charlie stopped drumming. He turned around to look at Nick, his eyes wider than usual and the blue in them almost too bright for Nick. The older teen tried to ignore the way Charlie looked almost hopeful at the question. It was rather easy, since he also looked taken aback and a little bit worried.
Swallowing thickly, Charlie chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck, his hands pulling on the too long sleeves of the sweater he had on. Nick noted the fact that this sweater was, in fact, his. Which was probably why Charlie was practically swimming in it, almost lost in the fabric. “Oh. Er… I guess I’ve always been sort of aware of it.” He put down the drumsticks to comb his dark hair with his fingers, making the curls even messier. Nick followed the motion, enchanted. “Even when I was really young… From my fictional crushes to my real ones.” He smiled at the ground for a moment, clearly not as upset as he used to be around this topic. “I suppose I didn’t understand it at the time, but… it’s always been boys.” He locked eyes with Nick, an embarrassed and hesitant smile on his face.
Nick tried imagining this – a young Charlie hearing his friends talk about their crushes while his were all males. Was he bothered by it at the time? Or did he find out how unusual it was only when he grew up and people actually began to care about crushes and dating?
The expression on Charlie’s face changed and he took in Nick carefully, his cheeks flushed. “Why do you want to know?”
He could lie and tell Charlie it was just something he’s been wondering about. Just a dumb question that meant nothing. Just something on his mind that he wanted explained. But the sincere look on Charlie’s face made him swallow his pride and choose to tell the truth.
“I think I’m bisexual.” He blurted out hastily, his eyes wide. Charlie just gaped at him, his body unmoving. Nick blushed and rubbed the back of his neck, his legs restless as he hoped from one to the other in front of the still seated Charlie Spring who was clearly too surprised to actually react any further. “I-I mean, I know I am. I’ve been looking into it for a while now and… yeah.”
Charlie finally closed his mouth, his tanned cheeks turning darker and darker. Nick found it adorable, to be honest. A few moments later Charlie closed his eyes, breathed in and out, and then looked back up at Nick, his lips stretched in a gentle smile. “Thank you for telling me.” Then he looked up, towards the ceiling, his smile turning into a smirk. “Eat your hat, Tao.” He whispered and then refocused on Nick. “What made you look into it, then?”
Nick licked his lip and took a tentative step closer, noting the way Charlie’s eyes darted down to follow his legs before snapping back up. Okay, he noticed. “I… kinda developed a crush on someone, I guess.” Nick’s voice was barely above a whisper and yet it seemed to echo in the room and in the space between the two of them.
“I’m guessing this someone isn’t a girl, then? Ha ha…”
Alright, there was DEFINITELY a spark of hope in Charlie’s eyes now. They practically shined, boring into Nick as if begging to hear more, more, more… “N-no. He most definitely is not.” He replied, taking another step towards Charlie and his drum kit. As if sensing what was going on, Charlie stood up. Nick stopped just in front of him, his face tilted forward to look at the shorter boy.
Charlie’s smile grew wider, but not by much. “Do I know him?”
Nick breathed out a laugh. “Charlie!” He huffed out in amusement, watching as the teen pulled at the sleeves of his (Nick’s) sweater once more.
“Nick!” He joked, but the gleam in his eyes as he leaned closer to Nick was serious and deep and it made Nick’s soul sing in perfect harmony. The tension in the air was almost too much for Nick now that they were so close, but he tried to keep a cool head. Charlie’s smile wavered. “Nick,” He repeated, this time tender. “Is he…”
Something flashed in Charlie’s mind and Nick feared for a moment that the boy would convince himself to back away from this. Or maybe he just didn’t feel the same way and didn’t even want to get into this mess in the first place. Maybe Nick read all the signs along the way and came to the wrong conclusion.
Charlie’s knuckles brushed against Nick’s and his thoughts just froze. Why would Charlie intentionally touch him if he didn’t want anything to happen, right? That would make zero sense. And Charlie was weird in an adorable way, not a dumb way. “Is it me?”
He opened his mouth to answer, but his voice just didn’t work anymore. So Nick did the next best thing and just closed the gap between the two of them, locking their lips in the first kiss he’s had since kissing Tara Jones back when they were thirteen.
The fireworks that accompanied Nick holding Charlie’s hand were nothing compared to this. His mind was both blank and overactive, all at the same time. He couldn’t think of anything other than Charlie. Charlie Spring. Charlie Spring who put his left hand on his arm and then moved it up until it wrapped around Nick’s neck perfectly. Charlie Spring who was practically standing on his tiptoes to be able to kiss Nick back.
God, he was kissing Nick back.
And then they broke apart, gasping and breathing heavily while staring at each other with hesitant grins. Honestly, Nick was so giddy, he could barely think straight. He was still buzzing from their closeness. Charlie didn’t step back and Nick wasn’t going to step back if he didn’t have to. Instead he just tried to ignore the blush covering his face.
“Are you okay?” Charlie asked.
Laughter bubbled out of Nick, bringing a more confident look onto Charlie’s face. He grabbed the younger teen’s hands and squeezed them. Fireworks. Fireworks and breeze and leaves and Charlie. It was almost overwhelming, how much such a small touch still affected him after KISSING CHARLIE SPRING. “Yeah,” He let go of Charlie’s hands and instead wrapped his arms around the boy’s waist, pulling him even closer, if that was possible. Charlie chuckled, his other hand going up to Nick’s neck as well. “I… I am.”
Charlie beamed. “I’m just glad you needed to find a reserve.”
“You didn’t even agree to join the team when I asked!” Nick objected.
Shrugging, Charlie pushed himself up. “Does it really matter, though?”