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Yoongi is tired of this lonely and suffocating feeling.
He just wants someone to take his hand in his and caress the skin of his pink knuckles. Someone to wrap their arms around his waist as he’s cooking dinner or making coffee, standing facing the kitchen counter as they kiss at his nape. Or someone who will tuck the loose strands of his hair behind his ear and lean in for a sweet little peck.
Maybe he’s watched too many dramas lately. He blames Seokjin for recommending him any in the first place.
He’s sitting in his studio, clicking the mouse cursor aimlessly on his computer screen. For the hundredth time in the past half hour, he clicks at recordings and sounds to match up with the song he’s trying to produce. Today, he feels lazy and doesn’t want to focus much, so his clicks are literally aimless as he toys with the duplicate file he’s probably obliterating right now. Only when the faint ringing of his phone sounds the room does he finally blink back into reality, realizing he’d been going on for too long now.
He pulls his headphones off of his head and sets them down wherever before straightening up in his desk chair and reaching for his phone.
Kim Taehyung.
“Hello?” He speaks raspily once he answers the call. He can hear shuffling on Taehyung’s end.
“Hyung,” he calls out over the slightly muffled speaker. Yoongi can tell already, what this is. He’s lived with this man for years now, only recently moving into separate places. He knows exactly why Taehyung is calling him. “I’m bored and hungry,” the younger wastes no time. Yoongi rubs his burning eyes from the light of the bright monitor in the dark room. He has no idea what time it is. He looks at his phone, which is almost just as bright as the monitor, and he sighs.
“Taehyung-ah, it’s two in the morning…”
Taehyung hums in acceptance as if he knew already. “And I’m hungry. Bored.”
Again, Yoongi sighs, knowing what the younger wants. One- an excuse to get Yoongi to come over because he’s bored and nobody else is awake. Two- he wants Yoongi to not only cure his boredom, but to cure his hunger.
“You only want me when there’s nothing in it for me.”
“Ah, that’s not true,” Taehyung whines through the phone. “Come on, hyung. I know you haven’t eaten yet. Besides, you’re probably just hurting your head and eyesight by staring at that screen all day. Give it a rest.” And Yoongi huffs, hating how Taehyung somehow knew he was sitting in front of the blinding, head-aching screen.
“Whatever. I’m coming over, then.”
And so he does. He packs up what’s his to go home— his phone and hoodie is all— and he sits up in his car before making his way to Taehyung’s apartment. The apartment isn’t too far away from his own and Yoongi had the same awful sleeping schedule as Taehyung, so it was no surprise that Taehyung had called him over a few times recently ever since he got this place all to himself.
A part of him had to wonder, as he was invited in with a cheeky smile from Taehyung, if he really should give in every time like he does.
“What food do you even have?” Yoongi asks as he makes his way to the kitchen. He doesn’t bother feeling awkward because he’s done this plenty of times by now and he’d made himself comfortable by the third, at least.
The fridge has only a few things in it, but Yoongi ends up taking out beef strips and cutting them into smaller pieces as he forces Taehyung to at least cook the beef noodles to go along with it. By the time they’re sitting on Taehyung’s stools by the kitchen counter, Yoongi feels nice to have some food— even if it is nearing three in the morning.
“You couldn’t have done this on your own?” he asks just after slurping a big chunk of noodles, both of their mouths full but not caring as they spoke.
“Nope.” Taehyung swallows and then pulls his drink towards him, gulping it down. “Would’ve been boring and useless to eat alone, don’t you think?”
To eat alone.
Maybe Taehyung had the same thought as Yoongi. Maybe he was suffocating with the loneliness as well, just like him. He always knew how much the youngest ones specifically would mumble or whine about being alone. They’d always said they needed one of the members by their side— especially when it comes to sleeping. A part of them grew used to having that extra person or two sleeping in the same room with them. Jungkook had even gotten used to crashing in their bedrooms— on their bed with them.
But Yoongi’s loneliness was a different kind.
Sure, he cooked with Taehyung and they were in the kitchen together. But what Yoongi wants is so much more than just that. In his head, right now, he imagines how much better it would’ve been if he was invited to a lover’s home instead of… Taehyung’s. Imagines how nice it would be if while he was cooking the meat, those hands would wrap around him. The gentle press of feathery lips would ghost over his skin and he’d lean into the touch. He’d let his eyes flutter closed happily or he’d turn around to give Taehyung a kiss—
What..?
Yoongi forces his chopsticks to the counter with a loud snap, the sound startling Taehyung beside him.
“Hyung?” he questions, his tone higher in immediate confusion. Yoongi blinks up at him, also startled by the way his mind imagines such things so confidently. “Why’d you do that? Is something wrong?” Yoongi quickly shakes his head in denial at the question.
“No, no. I just— I’m done eating. I’ll be going home now.”
Taehyung frowns at him. “But you didn’t even finish,” he points out, pouting as he leans over to look into Yoongi’s bowl of noodles. “And it’s too late to go home. Why don’t you just stay here?”
Now that’s one thing he hasn’t done. He doesn’t think any of them have done it, now that he thinks about it. The members got their own apartments for privacy and even though they all miss each other at certain times or even a lot of the time, he can’t recall hearing about any sleepovers or anything like that between any of them. He’d even been to Taehyung’s quite a few times at this late of night, so what makes him say this only now?
“Ah, I don’t wanna bother you or anything. I need to shower anyway—”
“You think I don’t own a shower or something?” Taehyung chuckles. As his face falls flat from a smile again, he points off behind him, serious now. “I have a guest bedroom, hyung. And I have clothes you can wear. Pajamas. Come on, you don’t wanna drive home after three in the morning, do you?”
Not really. And it never takes much convincing for Yoongi on things like this, especially not from the younger members. So, Yoongi just picks his chopsticks back up and pokes at the beef in his bowl. “Fine, fine. Go get me some pajamas and I'll stay, then. Hyung’s getting tired though, so hurry up.”
After he says yes, Taehyung smiles to himself. He slurps up another round of noodles before silently heading off towards his bedroom and coming back minutes later with a stack of clothes in his hand.
“For you, good sir.” He presents the clothes by bowing a little, holding them out in all their glory. Yoongi simply smiles, holding back a quick chuckle.
“You’re something else.”
Still, he takes Taehyung’s pajamas and heads off to his bathroom to shower. The water is warm on his skin and it leaves him feeling relaxed. Something about the fact that he’s showering at Taehyung’s place makes him feel a bit odd; he starts thinking if Jungkook or Jimin had ever showered here before; maybe even Hoseok. It’s a random and baseless thought, but he thinks it anyway.
And when he dries off and holds up the light grey pajama set that Taehyung had given him, Yoongi hums more in thought. He wonders just how many people Taehyung would invite to stay over, let them shower, and let them borrow his pajamas and guest room. As he walks into the guest bedroom with Taehyung’s slightly too long silk pajamas brushing against his skin coldly, he sees just how spotless and well-made the room looks. Like brand new.
Has anyone else stayed here before?
——
Once again, not even a week later, Taehyung somehow lures Yoongi into coming over. This time, however, Taehyung has a different idea.
“Why don’t you just sleep in my bed, hyung?”
Immediately, Yoongi knew what was up. He always does. It’s no secret that they can all read each other like books. He knows almost too well that Taehyung wants someone to sleep and cuddle with. He knows that Taehyung doesn’t like the silence of his bedroom. He knows that Taehyung probably wants to wrap his arms around him and sleep like a baby.
But Yoongi can’t help but feel off.
What Taehyung wants is exactly what Yoongi wants— just not in the same way. Taehyung wants platonic cuddles and pure snuggles that turn into dozing off to sleep. But Yoongi wants someone to hold him as well, to snuggle as well, to doze off— except he wants to doze off with his forehead rested against someone else’s. He wants to kiss someone until they’re both growing too sleepy and all it turns into is the press of their lips and relaxing into his lover’s arms. He wants love in the most non-platonic way possible.
But somehow, out of all people it could’ve been, Taehyung drags Yoongi into his bedroom at nearly two in the morning and pats his bed. He tells Yoongi how nice it would be to ‘cuddle every once in a while’. Yoongi wants it all too much. Not in the same way, though.
Ugh.
It’s not that he doesn’t want to, it’s just that… as he willingly follows a delighted Taehyung under his bedsheets, he’s never felt so compliant to do something in his entire life. It’s fake, he has to tell himself as Taehyung wraps his long arms around his waist and pulls him closer. As his head rests onto the pillow next to Taehyung’s and his eyes are met with the younger’s, he has to remind himself that Taehyung is just a touchy friend of his.
But as his touchy friend shuffles under the blanket and his hand is suddenly lifting towards Yoongi’s face, the older closes his eyes in suspicion that Taehyung is about to goof around with him— but he’s met with surprise as he feels the brush of Taehyung’s fingers sweep across his bangs and tucks his hair behind his ear. His eyes flutter open in more surprise, holding his breath as he realizes he’s not having some weird dream.
“Hyung,” Taehyung whispers into the blanket pulled up to his face. Yoongi could hardly hear him, but he somehow manages. “Can I play with your hair?”
It’s a weakness.
Yoongi doesn’t want to fall for the weakness. He does, though. He somehow finds himself relaxing more comfortably into the mattress after he nods his head and Taehyung takes the permission, cupping the back of his head and slipping his nails through the locks of his black hair. He’s scratching gently and he’s probably messing up Yoongi’s hair, but he could care less.
The weakness feels too good.
His heart is beating too fast to fall asleep now and he knows that Taehyung doesn’t know— but Taehyung doesn’t even close his own eyes as he does this. He keeps his eyes on Yoongi’s, sometimes glancing off at his hair or even a little lower.
After he clears his throat, Yoongi closes his eyes to avoid eye contact any further. The gentle scratching feels so good though.
“Are you going to sleep, hyung?” Taehyung asks after a moment. Yoongi’s heart beats faster with the sound of deep rasp echoing in his ears. It’s so smooth and low, like his voice is a warm bath and Yoongi is the drain that sucks it all in word by word.
Again, he nods.
But he knows he can’t sleep if Taehyung is doing these things. He’d probably fall asleep after Taehyung.
“I’m not sleepy,” Taehyung whispers again.
Yoongi can’t help it as his bottom lip pokes out. He means to frown, but instead he pouts to himself. Ignoring Taehyung’s words, he turns over onto his back and lets those scratches fall, making Taehyung’s hand slip away in hopes to catch some sleep tonight.
“Ah, hyung.” Taehyung whines, probably pouting as well as Yoongi settles in on his back and stares up at the ceiling.
But Taehyung simply scoots closer and this time he doesn’t wrap his arm around Yoongi’s waist, but he rests his hand with his fingers spread out right on top of Yoongi’s tummy. The feeling of warmth seeps through Taehyung’s silk pajamas and onto Yoongi’s skin, right over his flat tum, and something within him stirs the moment Taehyung’s scratches cross over into soft rubs over his now tingling skin.
Yoongi’s eyes shut tight in an attempt to hold back the needy sigh of relief threatening to slip out. Nothing had ever felt so right as Taehyung’s hand covered his entire belly, caressing so gently that Yoongi almost wants to give in and beg for more, but he doesn’t.
This is his real weakness.
“Taehyungie…”
Taehyung’s finger slips into the little hole under the button of the pajama shirt and the pad of his middle finger slowly caresses Yoongi’s bare skin. Back and forth, so slow as if he knew what he was doing. “Does this bother you, hyung?” Taehyung asks him.
If Yoongi could purr, he’d be doing so.
“Not at all,” he finally responds. In fact, he slips up, “Really like it. Keep doing it.” But he doesn’t care if he tells Taehyung this because despite thinking he could never fall asleep with his heart racing so much, his heart cools down after a moment and he feels himself drifting off into sleep. If this is how it’ll be, then so be it.
He’ll let Taehyung do this any time he wants to.
——
It seems like it’s been a while since they’ve all seven been together, but once they’re there, they’re happy. They’re gathered up to film something and as they’re taking a break, Yoongi sips on his fruit drink and hums to himself at the taste. He doesn’t look for or think about anyone else.
Not until Kim Taehyung comes up next to him and sits on the sofa.
“Hyung,” he says in an assertive tone, “why have you been ignoring my texts and calls?”
“Your texts and calls?” Jimin suddenly questions in awe from a chair near their sofa. “Yeah, hyung. Why don’t you answer him? Hmm?” he’s sassy as he asks, simply playing along to tease him, but Yoongi huffs at them both.
“I’ve been working on my album. I hardly even have enough time to be at my own house, much less yours .”
Taehyung huffs out a pout next to him as well. But Jimin sits up in his seat and leans over, eyeing them with a confused expression. “Huh?” He furrows his eyebrows at the two of them. “That’s not what he asked…”
“Oh.” Yoongi purses his lips together into a thin line. Assuming that Jimin has no clue what he’s talking about, he tells him, “All Taehyungie ever calls me for is food or sleeping over at his place—”
“Ah, hyung!” Taehyung nudges him. He looks from Jimin with his surprised gaping mouth to Yoongi with his confused hum. “That’s not true. I call you for help with songs too.”
Jimin then hums in acknowledgment at them. “You two lovebirds don’t have to hide anything from me.” He gives Yoongi a suggestive eyebrow lift, but the older looks dumbly at him. He has no clue what he’s talking about.
“Jiminie,” Taehyung mutters. “We aren’t lovebirds. You’re gonna make hyung uncomfortable.”
Lovebirds. What was Jimin thinking? Did he think that Yoongi and Taehyung… Yoongi’s eyes then widen.
“Ah, you brat! Taehyung and I aren’t dating or anything like that. We just—” He pauses. Yoongi just comes over to Taehyung’s place for late-night meals, he just showers in Taehyung’s apartment, just wears Taehyung’s silk pajamas that are too big on him, just sleeps in Taehyung’s bed and lets Taehyung caress him until they both fall asleep and repeat it at least once more that same week– because they started this weeks ago and it never stopped.
They’re just…
“Just what, hyung?” Jimin asks.
Yoongi frowns over at him. He avoids looking at Taehyung, which isn’t uncommon, but it feels heavy. It feels like maybe Taehyung is averting his eyes just as much. Ignoring it as well. “We’re just friends, you dummy.”
——
Just friends— Friends who end up in the same bed again. It became so easy for Taehyung now, to just ask Yoongi to come over because he feels lonely or to tell Yoongi he bought some food and wants him to come stay over and eat with him.
It would be nice to be just friends who simply sleep in the same bed just because they’re both lonely— except Yoongi turns facing the wall and Taehyung takes him into his hold, spooning him from behind and making sure to find his way to Yoongi’s tummy for gentle rubs once again.
This time feels different because Taehyung’s spooning him. Yoongi’s heart feels like it’s in his throat and he can feel and hear every soft breath Taehyung lets in and breathes out as he rests so effortlessly. Yoongi has no idea how Taehyung can be so chill about all of this.
Yoongi feels like he might pass out at the rate of Taehyung’s chest pressing against his back and Taehyung’s fingers caressing often into his skin.
“Taehyung-ah.”
Slowly, Taehyung removes his hand and he backs away a bit. “Hm? Is it too much?”
Yoongi feels like he can breathe again, but he decides to make things much worse once he flips over to face Taehyung. Their eyes meet under the most faint moonlight peeking through the window, but Yoongi can very much see all the details of Kim Taehyung that he’s always known. Every mole, every long eyelash, the corners of his thick lips, or the soft eyes gazing back at him.
“Not too much,” he assures him. Quietly, he scoots closer. He scoots into Taehyung’s personal space just like he always does to him— except this time they’re face to face. Yoongi’s nose is only a couple of inches away from his. “Do you think you could hold me like this instead?”
Taehyung’s eyes go a bit wide and Yoongi isn’t sure why. Maybe it’s because Yoongi hasn’t ever asked for anything specific. Maybe he’s just surprised Yoongi wants anything at all.
“Of course.” He wraps his arms around Yoongi’s waist and pulls him impossibly closer. Yoongi wasn’t expecting Taehyung to come close enough for their noses to brush together, so he inhales a sharp breath once their skin meets and Taehyung’s arm is secure on him. “Too much now?”
Yoongi gulps. Instead of speaking, he hardly shakes his head. Their noses brush together and it makes Taehyung smile. Yoongi can almost feel his smile against his own skin. They’re extremely close.
“Hyung.” Taehyung brushes his nose gently over his. “Have you ever felt so lonely before?” he asks, suddenly serious with his hushed voice. “Like— I’m talking not just physically, but in your heart? Have you ever wanted someone so bad, but you feel like that person would never come along? Like they’re not even real, almost?”
Yoongi hums in response, but then adds, “I always feel lonely.” But not lately, he wants to say.
Taehyung sighs and he leans his forehead against Yoongi’s. Once their heads meet, Yoongi bites at his lip. He can’t help but think that this is what he’s wanted for forever; wrapped up in someone’s arms, foreheads rested against each other’s, perhaps a kiss.
But Taehyung doesn’t kiss him.
“You shouldn’t feel lonely, hyung.” Taehyung rests his palm flat against Yoongi’s back, his back arching forward into him as a shiver runs up his spine. “I can’t help but think that I’m lonely when you’re not here,” Taehyung whispers much quieter than before— than ever. “Hyung, if you’re lonely, just come to me. I’ll always make sure you’re okay.”
Yoongi lets out an accidental desperate sigh. “Taehyung-ah, can I just kiss you? Please?”
They’re both looking at each other with wide eyes now, but Taehyung’s eyes look like a puppy’s and Yoongi knows what he wants. He always has. So when Taehyung nods, Yoongi wastes no time closing the gap between them. He wastes no time tugging on Taehyung’s t-shirt, gripping the fabric above his chest to pull him in for one long, sweet, breathtaking kiss. Taehyung doesn’t waste time either— he cups Yoongi’s cheek with his right hand and deepens the kiss, his lips softening as he gets to run a hand through Yoongi’s hair.
The kiss is so so sweet and Yoongi wants to save it for forever. Wants to save the minty taste of Taehyung’s lips, the soft flesh against his own, the feeling of Taehyung’s fingers soothing him through the kiss.
Yoongi’s the first to pull away, but he’s also the one who goes in again and leaves two more pecks– one for a fuck, that was so unbelievably nice and one for goodnight you sweet, loving, puppy-eyes.
“Hyung,” Taehyung breathes out, ghosting over Yoongi’s pink lips. Their eyes meet again and Taehyung’s are filled with hope and affection. “Is this gonna be a thing now? Me and you?”
Yoongi smiles big. Bigger than he’s ever felt before. His heart feels so full with just the thought of Taehyung filling that loneliness— the thought that he’s filling Taehyung’s loneliness as well. He rests his fingers on Taehyung’s soft cheeks and nods.
“Only if you kiss me and give me more tummy rubs.”
Taehyung smiles just as big, his eyes glistening. “I’ll even kiss your tummy if you want me to.” And it sounds like one hell of a promise. So, Yoongi lets Taehyung hold his waist and lets Taehyung kiss him endlessly until they’re both falling in and out of sleep, as happy as they could be with their sleepy kisses and delicate holds.
Yoongi was tired of that lonely and suffocating feeling in his heart. Kim Taehyung knew just the cure for it.
~~~~~