Chapter Text
Will’s next day has the audacity to start the same way as hundreds before it. His mother gently wakes him, he swirls his cereal around in his bowl until it’s soggy and then he pedals his bike to the place where the party has been meeting up for years to drive the rest of the way to school together.
Also as per usual: Mike is late. When Will arrives, Lucas is already waiting, and Dustin isn’t far behind. Mike probably hasn’t even left his house yet.
On any other day, Will wouldn’t even think twice. But this isn’t just any day. This is the day after Mike sat down on Will’s rug, somehow talked himself through figuring out that he’s bisexual, elicited an unplanned confession from Will that he also likes boys, proceeded to stare at Will very intensely and then left so quickly that Will didn’t even manage to say “bye”.
So he, of course, does think twice, and then thrice, and then whatever the word is for doing it four times. It took him hours to go to sleep yesterday evening because he couldn’t stop thinking about it - and as soon as he woke up this morning, his thoughts started circling again.
The thing about that is - by all rights, Will should be more relaxed than he was yesterday or the week before. His best friend now knows that he’s gay. Not only did he not react badly, he hugged him and made it very clear to him that he didn’t think there was anything wrong with that. Hell, he likes boys himself. It’s not like the concept is foreign to him. But there are several reasons why Will is still not so sure that he can actually depend on that.
Firstly, there is no knowing what Mike truly thinks about this new reality. He was fairly calm and matter-of-fact yesterday - but that kind of confidence can be deceiving with him. Will doesn’t think that Mike does it consciously, but he just powers through until he can’t anymore. And when he can’t anymore, sometimes, he completely freaks out. That’s what Will is wary of, that the worst might still be coming.
Secondly, Will still isn’t sure if Mike wanted to kiss him yesterday - and what all of that could mean for them. If Mike didn’t want to kiss him, he might have made a gigantic fool of himself, staring at his best friend like that. He might have betrayed himself, made it obvious what he was feeling. Which might have freaked Mike out. And if Mike did want to kiss him, why? Just because he wanted to know what it was like and knew Will might not be categorically opposed on the grounds of gender? Or because he really wanted to? Will and I do that echoes through his head again. That might also have freaked Mike out. God only knows Will regularly flips his shit because he’s in love with his best friend and can’t really deal with the possibility of rejection.
Now, Mike is a good guy. So whatever happens when he arrives is not going to be cataclysmic. Will is not about to be shouted at, insulted, or outed against his will. But will he still have a best friend? He hopes so.
Lucas has taken off and re-knotted his bandana twice by the time he breaks the still somewhat sleepy silence. “This is late even for Mike. You think everything's okay?”
Dustin snorts into the hand he’s resting his head on. “It’s Mike, he’s fine. He probably just realised he forgot his backpack when he was already halfway here. Again.”
Chuckling along with them is easy, because that is absolutely something that would happen to Mike. Again. It’s happened twice already this term, about two dozen times since they met each other. Mike is… Mike. He would forget his head if it wasn’t permanently attached to his neck. But he forgets things , never events. Which is why Will is so wired right now.
“I kind of wish we knew when this will happen. If we left our houses at the same time Mike does, we could sleep longer,” Lucas muses.
“Yeah, but we kind of have to be here at the time we agreed on. If we’re not here when he gets here one day, he’ll catch on that we deliberately meet at an earlier time so he doesn’t make us late for school.” Dustin yawns. “He might be cool as a cucumber most days, but I’m pretty sure that would make him feel bad.”
“It technically is his fault,” Lucas points out.
Will frowns. “No, it’s not. You agreed to this. Mike may be the reason we made that decision, but we made the decision. We could all ride to school on our own. I don’t really want to, though. Seems like it would be boring.”
Dustin groans. “Yeah, I don’t wanna be alone with my thoughts that early in the morning. Laaame!” But the thought seems to animate him enough that he raises his head. If you don’t look too closely, you might even think he was properly awake and rested. Until he actually is awake in a way that means you can ask him to solve problems it’s still going to take at least one more hour, though.
They’re all still chuckling to themselves quietly when Mike’s bell rings from behind the hill.
“Finally!” Lucas’ scream is so loud that Will is really glad they’re meeting in the middle of a forest. Seriously, his group of friends is a walking noise complaint.
There’s a bit of clanking while they all extricate their bikes from each other and mount them. Will almost falls over because he has somehow managed to get his foot caught under one of his pedals. But then they’re driving and Mike is catching up to them, speeding up until he’s next to Will.
The look on Mike’s face makes him breathe easier. It’s clear and lightly optimistic - the way it usually is at the beginning of a day when nothing shitty or stressful has happened yet. And that’s great. Because if he had been stressing about yesterday evening all night or was uncomfortable or something, everyone would be able to read it on his face.
Still, he asks: “You alright?”
Mike grins. “Oh yeah. I can’t wait to plan the campaign later. Took my manuals and everything. This is gonna be so good.”
Will certainly hopes so. But for now, he’s just grateful that everything’s okay between them.
There is a slight chance that Will was wrong about just how alright Mike is. Because they’re only in fourth period, a few more hours to go, and his friend already looks like he could bounce off the walls. The energy emanating from him is so strong that Will can feel it. He doesn’t even need to look, it’s tangible.
He carefully kicks at Mike’s foot where he’s tapping it beneath the desk. “Hey, you alright?”
In answer, Mike pulls a face as if he’s bitten on something sour. And then, he very quickly looks away again, glancing at the doodles in the margin of Will’s notes, the graphite smudges on Will’s fingers, the ink stains on his own. “I just really don’t wanna be here right now. This is boring.”
It is boring, he’s right about that. They’re doing partnered work right now, so they can get away with exchanging a few words. But even partnered work doesn’t save you from the yawning abyss that are Mrs. Summer’s assignments. They’re supposed to be analysing a poem right now. If Will has to invent one more thing about how the colour of some curtains means that the poet wishes his mother had died earlier, he’s going to scream.
"I think this is one of these cases where the only way out is through," he says.
But Mike seems to not be listening anymore. He's swinging his pen between his fingers, rapidly tapping it on the desk. This is more than just boredom. Whatever has him this distracted is clearly bothering him.
A few seats over, Dustin waves to catch Will's attention. Great, so he's noticed too. But it's not like Will can say anything in answer to his jerky head motions. Either he doesn't know what's going on with Mike or he does know and there's a very real possibility that Mike doesn't want Dustin to know. At least not yet. So he just shrugs and watches his friend try to squint some message at him that he doesn't understand.
He has to do something, though. So he gently nudges Mike with his elbow. "Come on, focus. There's only five more minutes to go until break. We're almost done."
Mike nods, but somehow he doesn't look relieved.
By the time school lets out, Mike is a nervous wreck and Will doesn't know what to do. He briefly debates whether he should pull Mike aside before they start their ride home, but his friend leaves the classroom so quickly that he doesn’t even have the time to make a decision one way or the other.
When he reaches the spot where they always park their bikes, Dustin and Lucas are already waiting for him. Mike, however, is nowhere in sight. Lucas looks annoyed. Neither of those things are good.
“Seriously, what is his damage? Being late in the morning is one thing, but the least he could do is be on time now. He left the classroom before I did. Where the hell did he go?” He rings the bell as if to emphasise his words.
“I don’t know,” Will sighs. He has a slight suspicion that Mike just went somewhere to calm down a bit. But if he says that, Lucas might ask why Will is upset in the first place. So saying it is not an option.
Dustin rolls his eyes.”Did you or did you not delay us by twenty minutes just last week because you were out there somewhere making out with Max?”
Which is a good point in theory. But…
“What, so you’re saying Mike’s making out with someone? Who?”
“No, it’s not.”
Lucas gets a sly look on his face. “Think he managed to find himself a boy he thinks is nice to look at?”
Will doesn’t think he’s ever cringed this hard. Not just because the idea is painful, but also because his friend’s tone of voice isn’t necessarily… positive. The way Dustin is rubbing at his temple makes him think he isn’t the only one to think that.
When neither of them answers, Lucas seems to get confused. “What? Did I miss something? What’s with the faces?”
Will wishes he were quick enough to come back at him with a snarky remark and brave enough to say it. But by now he’s scared of outing not only himself but Mike too and that makes it even harder to speak. There’s even more at stake now. He can’t be the reason why his best friend gets made fun of.
Dustin, bless him, sighs. “It’s just that you sounded like a bit of an asshole right now. Do you have an issue with Mike?”
“No, of course not!”
“Then why do you sound like you’re trying to become Troy lite?” It’s out of Will’s mouth before he even realises he’s opened it. Crap. Now, both of his friends look at him with wide eyes. The corners of Dustin’s mouth are twitching like he’s trying not to grin.
“I don’t sound like that!” Lucas is almost shouting. “I’m not making fun of him!”
“Then what are you doing?” Will asks.
“Teasing my friend the way I always do! If you said you were interested in a girl and then disappeared on us, I would do the same thing. Seriously, you guys, what happened to taking a joke?”
Dustin does his thinky-squint at him until he’s apparently convinced that Lucas is telling the truth. “Okay. But maybe you shouldn’t joke about something that people get actively bullied for when basically anyone could hear you? If Troy hears you joke like that, it’s going to be all over the school by the end of the week.”
It only takes milliseconds for the indignant expression on Lucas’ face morphs into something resembling guilt. “I didn’t think about that.”
“How can you forget that kind of thing?” Will just doesn’t understand.
“Well, it’s just Mike, right? If he ditches us to go make out with someone, I’ll bitch about it, that’s just how it works. Doesn’t matter to me who he makes out with as long as he’s on time. I mean, I don’t get it, but it’s not like I need to, right?”
That’s probably as good as they’re going to get for this conversation. But Will just wants to make sure. “I don’t think he’s making out with anyone.”
“Who’s making out with who?” Mike's voice says from right behind him, quite literally making him jump. And before he can even panic, Dusty is already rolling his eyes.
“Steve, who else? Went on a date with a new girl this week. I really could do without hearing him complain how he can’t find someone who fits when he kisses every single one of these girls. I don’t get it. You’d think he’d know before he does that.”
Will can’t help but remember yesterday evening, how similar the things were they had talked about. This doesn’t sound good. Could he have been wrong?
Lucas scoffs as he swings his backpack onto his back so that they can leave soon. “He absolutely knows before he does that. He just doesn’t want to lose hope, I think. It’s kind of sad.”
Why would anyone do that? It’s a question that Will asks himself frequently, but this time, he doesn’t really want an answer. Because he feels like it might hit too close to home. He wonders what he would do if there were lots of other gay guys out there that he could date to try to forget his feelings for Mike. Would he do it? Even just the thought hurts.
When Will looks at Mike to see if he’s okay now, he can’t detect a bit of the nervousness that was monopolising him just a short while ago. There’s some vague tension in his face and in the way he moves, but it’s not too bad. No one would be able to tell if they didn’t look too closely.
“Well, that sucks for Steve,” Mike says and mounts his bike. “Come on, we need to go. Joyce is going to be mad at me if I make us even later for lunch.”
Will helpfully doesn’t point out that his mother isn’t home today.
They eat cereal for lunch because they’re too hungry to wait for anything to cook. School lets out early on Fridays, but not early enough to eat lunch at a civilised time - at least not if your way there is as long as theirs.
Last summer, Will’s mother had taught him how to cook a few simple recipes, so it's not like he wouldn’t be able to make anything. He’s cooked for them before and basked in the quiet joy of feeding Mike something that he liked, of being smiled at over the edge of a bowl that he himself filled with food. But they’re both ravenous by the time they arrive, so that falls by the wayside.
Mike still seems fine. Looking at him, you’d think this could be any other day, just two friends spending time together like they’re done years and hundreds of times before today. But the memory of what happened yesterday is always at the back of his mind. And so by the time they’re putting their bowls in the dishwasher, it’s Will who’s noticeably nervous.
“Are you okay?” Mike asks when Will just sort of stands there instead of getting his manuals or going up to his room or whatever else he should be doing right now.
And Will decides to just bite the bullet. “Yeah, I’m just kind of worried about you. You were a mess at school today. Are you okay?”
Eyes wide, Mike just looks at him for a moment. Then he blinks and says: “I’ll tell you if we can go to your room.”
Will nods and goes to lead the way. If Mike climbs the stairs behind him, maybe he can tame his blush by the time they reach the top. Of course, he can’t - or at least not completely. But Mike is also looking a bit pink in the face as he throws his backpack into the corner he always puts it, so Will figures it’ll be fine.
Just as he’s opened his mouth to repeat the question, Mike interrupts him. “You guys weren’t talking about Steve earlier, were you?”
Damn it, caught. “No, we weren’t. I don’t think it was bad though.”
“How so?” Mike asks and then sits down on Will's bed. He’s done it dozens of times before, but now it just feels different. Mike knows that Will is attracted to guys and only guys, and he’ll still sit on his bed. He isn’t scared of him. This is so much more than he ever dared hope for, even excluding Mike’s possibly-probable bisexuality.
Careful to not draw attention to his stupid little - gigantic - crush by doing something differently, he sits down to lean against his headboard at a respectable distance. “Lucas said something stupid. But I don’t think he meant it like that.”
“What did he say?” Mike looks a bit apprehensive. He’s back to picking his cuticles.
“He made a joke about how you were probably late because you were making out with a guy.” The utter panic in Mike’s eyes tears at his soul, so he hurries to add: “But he was joking. And he said he didn’t care who anyone kissed as long as they are on time. And I believe him. He…” Here, he hesitates. It feels wrong to say it, but it might help calm Mike down. “He said he would say the same if it were me and some girl.”
The little snort Mike lets out makes the discomfort worth it. But his friend still looks quite stricken. “He just said that?”
“It was really just a joke. A stupid one, because it’s Lucas, but just a joke. And it wasn’t… the joke wasn’t ooooh, Mike’s kissing a boy , it was more like oooooh, Mike’s late again, wouldn’t it be funny if it was because he was making out with someone? It’s not like he hasn’t done the same.”
Mike nods, and then he starts looking a bit sheepish. “You know I wasn’t making out with anyone, though, right?”
“I believe you heard me say that when you arrived. Don’t worry. I figured you were probably trying to calm down a bit. But I didn’t know how to say that without having them ask why. So…” he trails off because his head has caught up to the fact that Mike wants him to know that he wasn’t kissing anyone. Why would Mike need to tell him that?
“Yeah, that was probably for the best. I just… I didn’t think I should get on a bike in the condition I was in. So I just locked myself in a bathroom and let the faucet run over my wrists for a while.”
Will hisses in sympathy. “That bad?” He had figured Mike would just need to close his eyes and breathe for a minute. But this is a thing that Will learned to cope with his panic attacks better. And hearing Mike say that he did it makes it sound a lot more serious.
“I was just panicking, you know?”
When Will doesn’t answer and just looks at him expectantly, he squeezes his eyes shut and takes a deep breath. “I was just afraid that they would be able to tell. That they would look at me and know I was different and - and start being mean to me.”
Oh. Yeah, Will does know. He knows all too well. “I used to feel like that all the time. And honestly, I don’t know if people like Troy actually can tell or if he just knows that he can hurt me like that. I still get scared sometimes. But I’ve got you guys, and I’m getting more confident.” He nudges his friend with his foot. “You’re much more confident than I am. You’ll be fine.”
“But I’m not, though!” The vehemence with which Mike says this almost scares Will. “Not about this. I mean, I think I know who I am now. But I thought I knew who I was last week, and it turns out I was wrong. I could be wrong about this too! How can I stand up to someone when I don’t even know if what they’re saying is true or not?”
Hug him, says the little voice in Will’s head. But he ignores it - clearly, it has no sense of self-preservation. Instead, he just angles his head. “I mean, theoretically, we shouldn’t need to know so stand up to people. What they’re saying to me is not you’re gay full stop. They’re saying things like you’re weak and act like a girl or I think being gay is disgusting and I think you’re gay, so you should be ashamed of yourself . It doesn’t matter if they’re right or wrong about my sexuality. It matters that they’re assholes who want to make themselves feel important by putting other people down. There’s nothing weak about crying sometimes, just as there’s nothing wrong with being gay or bisexual.” He laughs at himself. “Again, in theory. Saying this here in my room is all well and good, but I wouldn’t be able to say it to Troy’s face. Hell, I still don’t quite manage to not be ashamed of myself.”
He only realises he’s said that when the expression on Mike’s face changes completely - to something resembling pain. “But why?”
Damn it. “Hiding will do that to you. I had to hide for so long, I still have to hide. I never know who would be okay and who would hate me. You should have heard some of the things my father said to me. It wasn’t good.”
“Your father was a horrible person,” Mike says with wild eyes. “And he was wrong. There are so many people who love you. I understand not wanting to tell people. I don’t really want to either, at least not right now. But you are never going to be alone, I just want you to know that.”
If they could, Mike’s eyes would be boring holes into Will’s retinas right now. His look is so intense that Will is just trapped in it. Can’t say anything, can’t do anything, can’t look away. When he doesn’t react, Mike seems to read that as disbelief, because he draws himself up to hug him tightly. “You will never be alone. There is nothing wrong with you. We all love you very much,” he whispers.
Will knows that he would usually tear up in such a situation. The words are incredibly kind and generous, and they hit deep. But he can feel Mike’s warm breath on his cheek. Mike’s voice is husky in his ear. And when Will turns to look at him, his pupils are so dilated that there’s almost nothing left of the brown of his irises.
“I know,” Will whispers back. He can’t do anything but whisper. They are so close. Mike’s face is just inches from his, his arm slung around Will’s shoulder. He’s often laughed at scenes in movies where characters do this in the cinema, inching closer to their first kiss. He’s never seen the appeal.
But now, Mike’s arm is heavy and warm around his shoulder, enveloping him. His other hand is loosely gripping Will’s other shoulder, almost like an afterthought. Mike is so close that he can feel his breath on his skin. It’s warm, but it makes him shiver. And the best thing about this is that it almost seems like Will is not alone in feeling overwhelmed at this.
When Mike’s tongue makes an appearance to wet his lips, Will immediately zeroes in on it. And then, when he notices, he panics and looks up again. But Mike seems to not even have noticed. How could he, when he is busy looking at Will’s mouth himself. All of a sudden, the room feels very hot.
“Will,” Mike says. His voice is small and breathy, and for a second Will isn’t sure whether Mike had intended to say that out loud. But then, he repeats it. “Will.” His voice is stronger now, surer, though not by much.”
“Yeah?” Will breathes. This isn’t happening. This can’t be happening. Maybe he’s hallucinating - or maybe he’s reading into this too much! Maybe there’s nothing weird going on and he’s just misinterpreting everything.Who knows? He certainly doesn’t. All he knows is that he really needs to maintain eye contact and can’t look at Mike’s mouth again. That would be bad.
“Have you… have you ever kissed a boy?”
Oh shit. The words Will and I do that are back again, together with the image of Mike blushing a deep red when Will asked if he’d ever wanted to kiss a friend. This can’t be happening.
“No.” He feels like that should probably be self-explanatory. But maybe Mike thinks there’s more people like him running around, interested in both girls and boys and, for some reason, interested in kissing Will. The thought seems absurd.
“Would you want to?”
And now, Will gets scared. Because he does want to. So much. Specifically, he wants to kiss Mike. But not just once. Not as an experiment. He doesn’t think he can do that. How is he supposed to go back to normal after finding out what it feels to kiss Mike? Even if he managed to not let it show, he feels like that would just kill him inside. And his life is already difficult enough.
The silence goes on long enough that Mike takes it as an answer and retreats. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking. That was stupid.” He takes his arm off Will’s shoulder, and all of a sudden, he feels cold again. It shouldn’t hurt this much, nothing even happened, but it does. That was stupid. Ouch.
“I just thought, you know… and we’ve been friends for such a long time, and I always - I always-” He runs his hands through his hair and then over his face. “I just really… and you-”
He’s not making any sense. But what he definitely is doing is starting to hyperventilate. For a moment, Will can just watch, still frozen to the spot.
“I’m stupid, I know,” Mike says, his voice high and almost trembling. “I’m sorry. It’s stupid, forget about it. But you just looked - and your face… and then I-”
And that’s when Will’s brain logs on again, because it looks like Mike is just seconds from fleeing. All coiled and tense, a desperate look on his face. And are those tears in the corners of his eyes? What is happening?
Carefully, he grips Mike’s forearms to get his hands away from his face and earth him a bit, maybe.
“Mike.” The quiet voice doesn’t work, so he tries it a little louder. “Mike!”
Mike flinches, leans back a bit.
“Can you explain to me what’s going on? I don’t understand.”
“I’m sorry!”
“I heard that. I just don’t understand what you’re sorry for. Why are you so upset?”
Is it because he freaked himself out over kissing a boy? Is he panicking now because now that he got so close, it feels wrong and he realises it isn’t him after all? He doesn’t like boys even though he thought he did? Or is it because of Will? Does he know ? Fuck.
“I made you uncomfortable. I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable. We’re best friends, I never want to do anything that… I just… I need you in my life.”
Will doesn’t understand. What is happening? How was that ever in question? “You will always have me in your life. It’s not that easy to get rid of me. What makes you think that?”
Mike shrinks away even further. “I just don’t want to make things weird.”
“But how would you do that?”
“Because I like you!” Mike shouts and just for a moment, the world stops spinning. “I didn’t know that’s what it was, but I like you. And when I figured it out, and you said you liked boys too, I just hoped… But I know that you liking boys doesn’t automatically mean you like me. I know that. And that’s fine- I just… I can’t lose you. As my friend. You’re too important.”
What. What?!
“You like me?” Will can’t believe it. He must be hearing this wrong. “Just to look at or…?”
He feels stupid to even ask it. But this situation has already exploded, so he needs to make sure. From what Mike said it looks like they’re going to be fine either way, but he needs to be sure that he knows everything, understands everything. Like a broken leg, he thinks. This can’t heal wrong.
“Well, that too, yeah.” Mike is blushing again. His expression is sheepish. His eyes are lowered now, watching his hands as he twists his fingers. Almost as if he’s afraid to look at Will. And how is that how this situation turned out? Will doesn’t think Mike has ever been afraid to look at someone. “But I also just really like you. You know, ro-romantically.” His throat clicks as he swallows. “I just really didn’t know, I thought that was what being best friends was like. I’m so sorry!”
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Will says. He feels sort of numb now, like he’s not really there. Mike likes him? Mike really - how is this reality? Could he be misunderstanding this? He’s so scared of asking the next question. But he doesn’t want to find out how it’ll feel if he doesn’t ask and still gets his hopes up. “Do you mean like… like a boyfriend? You want to be in a relationship with me?”
Mike’s head snaps up so he can look at him again. “I want to be friends with you. I want to be best friends with you. That’s more important to me than anything else.”
A smile spreads on Will’s lips without his permission. It’ll be okay, he realises. Whatever happens, they will be alright. And that gives him the strength to keep going. “Okay. But if… if anything could happen that you wanted to, would that be it? Would you want to be in a relationship with me?”
A tear escapes as Mike nods.
Oh.
The wave of emotions that tears through Will is so strong that for a moment, he doesn’t even really know what’s happening. He only knows that now, he’s hugging Mike as tightly as he can and hopes with all his heart that Mike doesn’t think this is weird. His heart has never beaten this hard when he was just scared. Still, in those situations, it was almost uncomfortable. Now, Will wonders if this is what being high feels like. He’s dizzy with it.
It only takes a little while for Mike to wrap his arms around him again and hug him back. And then he tucks his face into Will’s neck, nose right on his pulse point. He doesn’t expect the shiver that runs through him at that. No one’s ever touched him there. He knew it was sensitive, but not this sensitive.
Mike laughs a little, and the small puffs of breath on his neck send small tremors through Will.
“Found something you like already?” His voice is light, almost gleeful. “And I haven’t even kissed you yet.”
And fuck if that doesn’t go right to his gut. Somehow, in all this, he hasn’t ever really considered that Mike is more experienced than him. He’s done this before, flirted before, kissed before. He knows how to do these things. Will has always been so focussed on not attracting attention to himself that he never considered how good it might feel if someone paid that sort of attention to him. If Mike paid that sort of attention to him.
When Mike begins to extricate himself from the hug, at first, he wants to hold on. But he quickly realises that looking at Mike’s face right now is a great thing. It’s happy, hopeful and again, that other thing he had such trouble identifying yesterday. Could that be desire?
“I just want to make sure that we understand each other here. Does this mean that you’re interested in me too? Romantically?”
Will nods emphatically. He still doesn’t quite dare to tell the whole truth. It’s one thing for Mike to figure out that he likes boys and is attracted to him. It might be a completely different thing for Mike to find out that his best friend has been in love with him for at least seven years. That might be a bit too much.
To be honest, all of this is a bit much for Will even now. He basks in Mike’s smile, but on the inside, he’s reeling. This doesn’t really fit with the reality he’s built for himself.
“You want to kiss me?” Mike asks.
Now, nodding isn’t dangerous anymore, it’s thrilling. He would have expected it to make him breathe faster, but he might be closer to hyperventilation by now. His eyes are flitting over Mike’s face, over warm brown eyes, sharp cheekbones and very tempting lips.
The first touch of Mike’s hand on his cheek makes him jump. And that’s when Mike hesitates. “Are you sure? You seem kind of jumpy.”
That makes Will giggle, which probably doesn’t make this look better for him. “I am sure. I’m just kind of overwhelmed right now. I never thought this would happen. It’s a bit much all at once.”
And he didn’t really know how Mike would react to this - but somehow, his surprise is surprising. “Oh, really?”
Will nods.
“So… so you want all of this, you just need processing time?”
Will nods again. Mike hesitates.
“Could I just hold you for a while, maybe? I kind of don’t want to let go of you right now.”
Oh dear God. How is this real? How is Mike real?
“I’d like that,” he answers quietly, because it still kind of feels like he could make one wrong move to make this fall apart. Like he could talk too loudly and Mike would run.
But Mike isn’t scared, he’s happy. His answering smile is brilliant, makes butterflies dance in Will’s tummy. They only get more excited when Mike loops his arms around him once again, dragging him both near and down. Oh. Somehow, Will hadn’t considered that this might be what Mike wanted. This is not a hug. This is cuddling in bed. Not that he is complaining. It’s brilliant. He’s lying down, comfortable and relaxed, wrapped in Mike's arms. If he wants to, he canburrow closer, for warmth or connection. Already, he is basking in Mike’s smell where the other boy has his head cradled against his chest. It’s everywhere.
“Are you smelling me?” Mike asks. His voice is full of mirth.
“Maybe.”
“Mmmh,” Mike hums and then sniffs his hair. “You smell quite good yourself.”
Will doesn’t quite know how to react to that. “Thank you?”
Now, Mike laughs. But not at Will, more like quietly at himself. Almost, as if he can’t quite believe what’s happening. “You’re incredibly welcome. Feel free to smell me anytime you like. I promise to shower regularly.”
How do you react to that kind of thing? Will would like to know, because it’s a mystery to him. So he settles on: “I’ll take you up on that.”
“I hope you do,” Mike says. His voice is low and amused, soft like honey. If it didn’t sound so weird, Will would say he’s purring.
That makes him hot all over. Not just the implied feelings behind those words. Just the confidence alone is incredible. How can it be that Mike has barely figured out that he can be romantically attracted to guys in the first place and that Will likes him back and he’s already comfortable enough to flirt like it’s nothing? Is this just how he feels around Will or is that a Mike thing? Thinking back on it, he thinks he remembers that Mike was incredibly awkward around El even into the first weeks of their relationship. So maybe it is him.
Apparently, he’s been quiet for a while, because Mike jostles him slightly. “You still there?”
“Mhmm.” This is very comfortable and warm. He could lie here like that for hours.
“Did I make this weird again?”
He raises his head so quickly that he almost headbutts Mike. “What? No!”
It gets him a languid smile, which just… does things to him. Mike is in his bed. Mike is in his bed, and he wants him, and he’s looking at him and smiling like that. Granted, they haven’t talked about sex. Will is kind of hesitant to talk about it in general. Partly because he’s never had it and has also never read about it, so he can’t really contribute much to a conversation. But also because he doesn’t know how far Mike has thought ahead. He doesn’t want to spook him. Just going by the way Mike is acting, however, kind of makes him think that it might be in the cards. That Mike might want that with him.
“You’re thinking awfully loudly,” Mike comments. “Care to share with the class?”
Blushing really is the only thing Will can do in response to that, considering where his mind just went. Mike laughs in delight. “That interesting, huh?”
Will playfully hits his chest. “Stop it!”
“I’m not doing anything!” He has his hands raised with an air of innocence, but the grin on his face is just blinding and Will can’t help but grin back.
“You’re teasing me. I’m just lying there enjoying that I get to be so close to you and you’re teasing me. Michael Wheeler, I am disappointed in you.”
“Aw.” He holds out his open arms. “D’you wanna come back?”
This is great. Will pretends to think. “Hmmm. No, I don’t think I do. Only good boys get cuddles.”
He can see a spark flare in Mike’s eyes, but he doesn’t know what it means at first. He also doesn’t really understand why Mike is pushing himself up onto his elbows, closer to him. Again with this amused look on his face. “Good boys, huh? And I’m not a good boy?”
Damn. That… He doesn’t really know what to do with that. But it’s absolutely exhilarating, so he just plays along and shakes his head no.
Mike’s smile gets broader. “And if I were a good boy? What would that get me? Anything besides cuddles?” He’s really close again, close enough to smell, for his breath to fan Will’s face. Another inch or so and their noses would be touching. So close. And it all happened so naturally, as if Mike had just been drawn closer. It quickens his breath again. But this time, it’s different. He’s not scared, not overwhelmed. Just buzzing, somehow, with the need to get closer. This time, for the first time, he’s not scared to look down at Mike’s lips. They’re opened slightly, as if expectant. He looks up at Mike’s face again. Could this be it?
Only maybe not, because Mike frowns slightly and moves back a bit. “I’m sorry. That was too much, wasn’t it? I’m sor-”
But Will can’t take it anymore, so he just kisses him.
It’s both everything and nothing like he expected. As soon as their lips touch, it’s like all of the tension falls off of him. This is not scary, it’s not difficult. It’s just closeness. After taking a second to process what’s happening, Mike surges up against him to kiss him back. He cups the back of Will’s neck to angle him a bit and… that’s even better. Mike’s lips are so soft against his, pressing,catching and gripping.
When Mike pulls back after a few passes, Will follows him on instinct and Mike has to put a hand on his chest to help him notice what’s happening. But he doesn’t even have it in himself to be embarrassed when Mike is looking at him like that, eyes blown and cheeks flushed.
“I just wanted to make sure you’re okay,” he says, and his voice does things to Will. Is this what it feels like to be wanted? Maybe. Or maybe it’s just the beginning.
“I’m more than okay.” Huh, that’s interesting. Will’s voice also sounds slightly different. Deeper somehow, throatier.
“Yeah?” Mike asks.
Will nods. And then he’s drawn in again, right back to Mike’s lips. Only this time, it seems like Mike is more confident in this. The way he kisses him is deeper somehow and it takes a bit for Will to catch up, to match the pace and the force. And that’s when it really gets good.
He can feel the urgency throughout his whole body, from his mouth straight to his toes. The term toe-curling has never made sense to him before, but now… when Mike threads fingers into his hair, draws him down further over himself on the bed, ghosts a finger over that place on his throat that had made Will shiver earlier… now, he gets it. Because it is toe-curling. Toe-curlingly good.
Mike’s other hand is still on Will’s chest, tangled in his shirt to draw him closer. The thing is - Will is already very close. He doesn’t really know how he could get much closer. Already, he’s almost lying on Mike’s torso. Or maybe it’s just about the touch? Will doesn’t really know what to do with his hands. He’s just sort of been keeping himself steady on the bed until now. Maybe Mike wants to be touched?
Carefully, Will lays one of his hands on the other boy’s waist, figuring it’s safe. His lack of experience makes it kind of difficult to know what to expect. But Mike arching up against him, making a little noise and biting his lower lip is something he is definitely not expecting. The little flash of pain goes straight to places he’s pretty sure he shouldn’t be thinking about right now. He can’t help making a noise of his own, somewhere in between a whine and a moan, and that seems to spur Mike on, because now he’s licking into Will’s mouth.
Will is basically only holding on by now, along for the ride but completely out of his depth. The heat that shoots through him when their tongues touch is so intense that it almost scares him. He’s always been kind of sceptical about French kissing. As a concept, it never held much appeal for him. They even talked about this at some point. But Mike is not sticking his tongue down his throat, he’s just leading Will in a little dance. Here and then gone again. It’s beyond electrifying. For a short while he thinks that this might be the best feeling in the world, but then Mike decides to suck on his tongue and he just short-circuits.
This time, he definitely moans. But more importantly, he completely collapses onto Mike. That dislodges them, breaks the kiss with a downright filthy sound. And then they’re looking at each other. Vaguely, Will remembers having been scared of this, of kissing Mike and having their relationship change irrevocably, of it never being the same ever again. But as he looks square into Mike’s face, still lying on top of him and probably squashing him at least a bit, he can see the laughter bubbling up. Exactly like always, because they always laugh at weird or funny things that happen.
“Freeing” is the best way to describe the laughter. Will just gives himself over to it, probably laughing way harder than warranted. But he’s just so relieved. Mike knows he likes him and he likes him back. Actually likes him. He can touch him now, kiss him. They can make out - because that’s what that was, right? - and Will can moan into Mike's mouth , and it still won’t be weird after. They can laugh just like they always do. They will probably go back to talking soon, or maybe start planning their dungeon. Like they always do. Because they’re not different. They’re the same, just with something added on. Something very nice that Will can’t wait to explore. It’s such a relief.
“You know, I was right. Shouldn’t have doubted myself” Mike says later when they’re lying next to each other, stomachs aching from laughing so much.
“About what?”
He looks almost smug. “I do like kissing boys.”