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It took everything within Spock to not scream out at the violent intrusion of his mind, instead clutching at his head tightly as he struggled not to collapse in pain.
It was supposed to be a cursory exploration mission to document some non-sentient flora and fauna. As such, only Spock and a few human crewmembers beamed down onto the planet. Unfortunately, when Spock split off from the group to follow some interesting readings on his tricorder, he came across some sort of… runes that were placed by some other species long-gone. He barely had time to try to scan them when the runes flared and buried their way into his mind in some sort of telepathic defence mechanism, tearing through his shields and leaving him raw and open and vulnerable.
Spock backed up frantically, trying to get away from the searingly painful and invasive feeling, unable to stop the small whimpers that escaped his throat as he held his head tightly, his eyes squeezed shut as he tried to block out the attack. It wouldn’t stop - the pain tore at his mind before running through the rest of his body, picking at all of his nerves in a reckless examination. Spock collapsed, unable to vocalise a scream at the feeling, twitching violently as tears slipped from his eyes. His body and mind were being split apart and exposed and he couldn’t even manage a cry for help. After what felt like hours, the invading force finally disappeared, fading as the runes seemed to run out of power at last.
Body going blessedly limp in exhaustion, Spock panted raggedly, unable to stop the shivers that wracked his body. Swallowing, he opened his eyes and looked at the runes from his spot on the ground, finding that they were completely inert - his tricorder didn’t even register them anymore. Unable to stop himself, Spock let out a short sob and curled up into a small ball as he tried to rebuild his tattered mental shields, ignoring the dull throb from the rest of his body.
He managed to repair the worst of the damage done to his shields by the time the other crewmembers came looking for him and he quickly sat up, ignoring how his body protested at the sudden movement. He wiped his eyes and stood up, looking over at the others as they came into view.
“Commander? We completed our scans. Nothing particularly interesting of note. Have you found something?”
“Yes, these runes seem to have some sort of residual energy, however it faded shortly after I had approached it.” Spock replied, leaving out his… experience with it, thankful that his voice did not waver. “Despite the lack of energy, however, I advise we maintain our distance from it should we return.”
The away team nodded and they left the area to beam back up to the Enterprise.
Spock breathed a soft sigh of relief as he rematerialised into the familiar hum of the ship and immediately stepped off, intent on finding his Captain and possibly hiding away in his quarters to repair the rest of his mental shields. Weak as they were at the moment, the thrum of the ship’s massive population had him reeling somewhat.
He didn’t have to go far before Jim barreled down the halls, Leonard on his heels.
“Spock! How was the trip?” He grinned, practically bouncing on his feet. Spock’s lips twitched. Jim had never enjoyed it when he couldn’t go on an away mission with him.
“It was a successful expedition, Captain.”
Bones quickly scanned him and frowned. “Your readings are showing some irregularities. Did something happen down there?”
Jim looked at him, his brow creased in worry and Spock shook his head. “Do not worry yourself, Doctor. I assure you, I am fine.”
It wasn’t a lie.
Leonard regarded him for a long moment before sighing irritably. “Alright, well I can’t say I really believe you, but it’s getting late anyways. Cut your shift short and get some rest. I’m sure you can file whatever plants and animals you’ve found during the next alpha shift.”
Spock nodded, not arguing and Leonard looked even more concerned, but before he could say anything, Jim was already grabbing his arm and leading him to their quarters. As they entered, Jim kissed Spock gently on the lips. It was a welcome reprieve from the pain he had felt before.
Pulling away gently, Jim looked up at him. “You sure you’re alright?”
Spock nodded. “I simply require your company, if you are amenable.”
Jim smirked. “Oh, I am, Mister Spock.”
He led Spock to the bedroom where they both disrobed, enjoying each other’s company. Spock relaxed in Jim’s arms as he smoothed his hands down his body, kissing him deeply. His body and mind still screamed from the runes’ attack, but he stubbornly ignored it, wanting nothing more than to erase the feeling with Jim’s warmth after shivering on the ground alone for so long.
Unfortunately, the situation must have damaged him more than he initially thought, for when Jim moved a gentle hand to his temple, Spock felt his body go cold and the memory of the runes tearing at his mind forced its way to the forefront, making him jerk away involuntarily with a short gasp.
Jim startled a bit and hovered worriedly over Spock, his hands fluttering over him as if he wanted to touch him but was afraid to.
“Spock? Hey, Spock? Are you alright?”
Spock wanted to tell Jim that he was fine. He was . He had to be - he wasn’t hurt, not really, right? He had suffered worse, much worse, over the course of his time as a member of Starfleet, why was this what broke him so thoroughly?
Jim put a tentative hand on his shoulder that he snatched back when Spock let out a short sob, the physical stimulation suddenly too much for his frayed nerves to handle and he curled up into a ball, much like he did on that planet.
“I’m– I’m fine– please–” Spock managed to get out, but his throat felt tight, and he couldn’t stop the shivers as the runes’ attack replayed itself over and over in his head.
“Spock! Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay, you’re safe. You’re on the Enterprise, in our quarters.” Jim began to speak soothingly, now in front of him, though his eyes were bright with panic and Spock felt a surge of guilt consume him at making his lover feel such a way.
His words, however, did help Spock begin to calm down, and he finally managed to wrangle his emotions together long enough to reach out to Jim, his hand shaking despite his efforts not to.
“Please,” he said softly, “please don’t go.”
Jim’s eyes softened and after a moment of hesitation, he gently held Spock’s hand in a light kiss. He hiccuped a little at the stimulation, but it was welcome, and he forced his body and mind to remember that this was Jim - he wouldn’t hurt him. He was safe .
Moving slowly so that Spock could track his movements clearly, Jim gingerly pulled him into a hug, and Spock finally felt himself begin to relax again in the arms of his love. He let out a soft whimper and buried his face in Jim’s chest, wanting nothing more than to be surrounded by him completely.
After some time, Spock felt his mind clear up enough for him to look up at Jim, who smiled sadly down at him, still hugging him close.
“I’m guessing something happened down there that you didn’t want to tell us about, hm?” he said lightly and Spock sighed, explaining the runes and the attack that happened shortly after he scanned them, his voice trembling as he recalled the invasion of his mind and body, but he managed to keep himself from spiralling again, finding solace in Jim’s protective grasp.
Jim kept his posture comforting, but Spock could see the protective outrage in his eyes and he sighed softly. “Spock, why didn’t you tell me? Or tell Bones?”
“I do not believe it would have helped to inform the Doctor, as the only thing there is for me to do is rebuild my shields and… ‘wait out’ the pain in my body.” Spock replied and Jim snorted.
“I did not tell you because… I… I do not know.” Spock admitted softly, shifting uncomfortably. “The only thing I could think of was the need to have you close. I apologise.”
Jim smiled a little and kissed Spock’s forehead gently. “Okay. It’s okay. But please, try to be honest with me next time? You really scared the hell out of me there for a moment.”
Spock nodded. “I will, Jim. I’m sorry for worrying you.”
Huffing out a small laugh, Jim rubbed Spock’s shoulder gently in a comforting manner. “Well I can’t say I don’t worry the hell out of you too on occasion, so let’s just get you checked over by Bones in the morning and call it even. I am probably going to want to blow up those fucking runes though.”
Jim pulled Spock under the covers fully and ordered the lights off before cradling him close, letting Spock melt into his embrace.
Finally feeling at ease, Spock let out a small purr, nuzzling against Jim and falling asleep.