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Alex has always been a very affectionate person. Ever since he was a kid, he can remember holding his parents’ hands at every opportunity, hugging his friends because it made him feel safe, sitting close just to feel the other person’s body against his, grounding.
June has always been his safe place. They used to cuddle late at night when Alex couldn’t sleep, his head on his sister’s shoulder and her fingers in his hair, gently brushing his curls.
Nothing needs to be wrong for him to want that affection – he’s always liked it. It helps him express himself and his emotions.
Bumping shoulders with Liam in high school and tight hugs when they won a lacrosse game; taking his mother’s hand when she looked tired and feeling her thumb swipe over his knuckles while they waited for dinner to be ready; lying on his stomach and resting his head on June’s lap when they were watching a movie, her hand gentle on his back.
In college, it’s… it’s different. He’s alone.
He doesn’t have Liam anymore, because Liam went to New Haven for college; he doesn’t have his parents because his mom is in Texas and his dad is in California and Alex is all the way up in New York. He still sees June and Nora sometimes, but only on the weekends, and even those aren’t promised.
He misses it. He hadn’t realized how much he craved those simple moments of human contact until he didn’t have them anymore.
And then… there’s Henry.
And that reveals itself to be a surprise Alex was not counting on.
I
The first time it happens, Henry isn’t sure he hears it right.
When he got to NYU and met his roommate, a boy with chin dimples and wild curls and a smile that could ruin Henry in an instant, he knew he didn’t stand a chance.
Alex is loud; he’s loud about his passions and himself, unapologetic to a fault and brighter than the sun. He came into Henry’s life with a wide grin that made his knees weak and a lingering handshake that left his skin tingling. Everything about him is loud, from the way he takes up space and his presence all over their room. Henry is in awe of it all.
They’ve gotten to know each other better over the last few weeks since classes started, and Henry has learned to notice things about Alex he doesn’t always say.
How Alex insists he doesn’t need his glasses but always gives in when he’s been staring at his laptop for hours and can’t focus anymore; how he sleeps with at least three stuffed animals in his bed – a Simba, a Nemo, and a teddy bear with hearts on its feet that his friend Nora gave him as a joke – and can’t sleep without a weighted blanket, even on the warmer nights.
Henry also couldn’t help but notice how… affectionate Alex is. Physically. Henry has met plenty of guys who pat each other awkwardly on the back with a half-hearted hug, but Alex throws himself into it with both arms around Henry’s neck when he gets a good grade on a paper or hears from his sister that she’s visiting soon. It’s just him.
It’s good, and it’s terrible, because Alex is like a dream come to life and Henry only realized he was in deep trouble after it was too late to do anything about it.
(It’s not terrible, of course – it never is with Alex.)
So when they’re sitting on Alex’s bed with Henry’s laptop propped on their legs playing Empire Strikes Back – because Alex is a child and can’t accept that people have different tastes in movies – he’s surprised to catch Alex’s whispered words beside him.
“H?”
“Hm?”
“Do you… Do you think we can cuddle for a bit?”
It throws him off a little, though he’s not sure if it’s because of Alex’s small voice or his actual words. He turns his head to look at him but Alex’s is staring down at his hands, twisting his fingers in his lap. He looks nervous, and the thing is…
Henry knows; he’s noticed that sometimes Alex’s eyes are a little unfocused and his arms around his waist, hugging himself tightly like he wished it was someone else hugging him. Whenever Henry asked if he was alright, Alex smiled tightly and murmured, “Miss my family.”
He’s also noticed Alex isn’t overly affectionate with just anyone; not with a girl that smiles at him across the coffeeshop or the guy he has classes with every other day. So the fact that he’s asked Henry, that he feels comfortable asking this of Henry warms him faster than any cup of freshly brewed tea.
He realizes he’s taking more time than necessary to answer the question and Alex already looks like he wants to take it back, so he hurries to respond. “Y-Yes. Alright.”
Alex’s gaze snaps up to Henry’s face searching and with poorly concealed hope. “Yeah? You sure?”
Henry’s lips curl upwards. “I’m sure.” To punctuate his statement, he opens his arms invitingly and waits.
Alex doesn’t wait more than a second to move, slowly so he doesn’t accidentally kick the laptop. He curls one of his hands on Henry’s shoulder and lays his head on his chest, right above his heartbeat. His body relaxes and melts half on top of Henry, curls tickling his chin and a hand gently grasping Henry’s side.
“This okay?” Alex asks quietly, like Henry isn’t going to have a goddamn heart attack at the feeling of Alex so close to him and how comfortable he feels; safe, even.
He brings one of his arms up to wrap it around Alex’s shoulders and his other hand finds its place on Alex’s back, softly running up and down his spine. “More than okay,” he whispers into Alex’s hair, and Alex relaxes even further.
The movie becomes merely a background noise and Alex falls asleep in Henry’s chest. He doesn’t have the heart to wake him up.
II
“You don’t understand, Henry—”
“You’re right about that.”
“—these pancakes are like, little bombs of sunshine.”
“And sugar. And butter. And whatever it is you weird Americans put on your pancakes.”
“The perfect dinner.”
“No—”
Alex laughs at his affronted look and keeps walking, shooting Henry a cheeky grin.
Henry sighs and follows him through the streets of New York, failing to suppress a smile. He’d been reading in bed when Alex barged in the room and announced he was taking Henry out for dinner at this pancake place he’d just discovered. He absolutely refused to take no for an answer, smoothing out Henry’s frown with his thumb when he insisted pancakes weren’t an appropriate dinner.
Henry was helpless to say much else after that, of course. He can still feel Alex’s fingers on his skin.
“Besides,” Alex continues animatedly, “you can get strawberries on your pancakes. That healthy enough for you?”
“You’re a menace,” Henry deadpans, hoping he doesn’t sound as charmed as he feels. It wouldn’t do any good to encourage Alex.
Alex’s grin widens as he turns the corner, advancing to cross the street. “I think you like me better like that—”
Alex, as Henry was very quick to notice when they first met, can be clumsy. Distracted more often than not, his brain going off a thousand miles a minute and acting before he thinks.
Which is probably why he walks onto the crosswalk without stopping to look both ways, almost getting himself run over by a car that doesn’t see him, and that is going way too fast anyway.
Henry reaches out instinctively – he grabs Alex’s hand and drags him onto the sidewalk again with a swift movement, pulling him close to him so he stays away from the road.
“Are you insane?!” Henry yells in alarm, not letting go. “You could’ve just died!”
Alex laughs faintly. “Sorry? I, uh. If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t mean to.”
“Could’ve fooled me,” Henry mumbles under his breath.
The corner of Alex’s mouth tugs up slightly, and Henry realizes suddenly just how close they are. Alex has to crane his neck up to look at him, their chests barely an inch away from each other, a stray curl falling on Alex’s forehead. It takes Henry’s breath away for a moment.
He looks away first and clears his throat, taking a small step back. Just to put a little distance between them.
“Thanks for rescuing me,” Alex says softly, not looking away from him.
Henry gulps. “Please never scare me like that again,” he breathes out, and Alex nods apologetically.
Then Alex looks down between them and Henry feels his face flush. “You’re still holding my hand.”
Henry unconsciously tightens his grip. “Yes, well. For safety. Who knows where you’ll jump to next.”
Alex, impossibly, only grins. “You kind of locked our fingers together, Hen.”
“So you won’t accidentally let go,” Henry insists, but it feels like a lie even to his own ears. “What if I have to explain to your sister what happened to your sorry arse when I could’ve stopped you? She’d kill me.”
“Right, of course,” Alex agrees quietly, not looking the slightest bit convinced. Henry realizes he’s rambling and snaps his mouth shut, looking down at their joint hands and hoping his face isn’t as red as it feels.
Maybe it’s weird he’s still holding Alex’s hand. He should probably just let go – and should probably feel much more neutral about it.
He tries to loosen his grip in case Alex wants to let go, but Alex only squeezes his hand and pulls him to the crosswalk again, thankfully looking both ways and avoiding any more incidents.
“Pancakes?” he asks softly, brushing his thumb over Henry’s knuckles.
Henry squeezes back, heart in his throat. “Pancakes,” he agrees, and lets himself be pulled in.
They’re still holding hands when they reach the restaurant, when they enter, when they sit in a booth, and when they order. Alex only lets go when their food arrives, and Henry mourns the loss in silence.
III
“Where are we going, again?”
Alex’s glances at him and locks the door behind him. “I told you, Liam and Spencer called—”
“Two people that I have never met.”
“—and invited us to a party at their college, so we’re driving there.” He pauses as they walk down the hallways of NYU. “Well, June ordered an Uber, I think. It wouldn’t really make sense to rent a car for this.”
“Probably not,” Henry murmurs under his breath. “So, a college party. In Yale. With your… high school best friend?”
Alex nods. “And his boyfriend, Spencer. Come ooon,” he says with a grin, poking Henry’s cheek. “Stop frowning like that. It’ll be fun!”
Henry rolls his eyes and feels his heart stutter in his chest at Alex’s touch. “Yeah, alright. In my defense, you said that before the last party too and someone spilled an entire beer on me not even fifteen minutes after we got there. Not exactly my definition of fun.”
Alex winces slightly, recalling the moment. “Fair enough. Drunk football players are really something else, huh?” He shakes his head. “But that’s not gonna happen tonight. I’ll personally make sure no one, no matter how much alcohol is in their system, spills their beer on you. Or any other drink.”
Henry clutches his chest dramatically. “My knight in shining armor.”
Alex rolls his eyes with a laugh and bumps their shoulders together. Henry bumps back. It’s nice.
When they leave campus and meet June and Nora, they’re making out against the wall, hand in each other’s hair. Alex coughs loudly and dramatically.
“Please get a room,” he says with a grimace that is soon replaced with a huge grin as both girls pull away from each other and tackle him into a hug. He closes his eyes and his shoulders drop, the remains of tension Henry hadn’t been aware of slipping out of him. He really missed his family.
Henry stands there a little awkwardly until they pull apart, and then June and Nora are wrapping him in a hug equally tight, if a little shorter.
“Hey Henry. Thanks for making sure Alex eats and doesn’t drown himself in caffeine.”
“I resent that,” Alex says sullenly but he can’t keep the corners of his mouth from twitching.
“Y’all ready to party or what?” Nora asks with a smirk, wrapping an arm casually around June’s waist.
Henry sighs quietly. “Or what. I’m on the ‘or what’ side.”
“Ignore him,” Alex says, leaning against Henry’s side. “He’s being dramatic. We’re absolutely ready to party. Look, our ride is here and everything.”
As he says this, Henry looks up to see a car pull up on the road in front of them. The window rolls down and a grumpy looking man sticks his head out. “Any of you kids Jude?”
“June, yes,” she says, unbothered by the mistake or the man’s grumpy attitude. He only grunts in response and she climbs into the passenger seat.
Nora opens the back door so she, Alex, and Henry can sit in the back, and it very quickly becomes obvious that his car was… not meant for five people. Four, maybe, barely, but certainly not five.
Which is why when Alex is the last one to enter the car and tries to close the door behind him, he ends up falling into Henry’s lap.
“So,” he says a second later, trying to move away in the little space there is, “there isn’t… much space.”
“Clearly,” Henry responds tightly. He’s just realized his hand is holding Alex’s waist, trying to steady him. His skin burns at the point of contact. “Do you, er— I could… maybe—”
“Everybody has their seatbelts on?” the driver asks.
Apparently, it was a rhetorical question, because he starts the car again without waiting for an answer and drives a little too fast for Henry’s taste, who has to grip his seat like it’ll save him if they end up crashing.
A slight bump on the road not even five seconds into the ride causes Alex to jump slightly and sit… right in Henry’s lap again.
Because where else would he sit, really.
“Sorry,” Alex says with a nervous laugh, trying to stand as best as he can. “There really isn’t much space in this thing.”
“It’s okay,” Henry says quietly. Tentatively, he snakes an arm around Alex’s waist and pulls him down gently to sit on Henry’s legs. “Just stay here. You’re going to end up hurting yourself if you try to stand.”
Brown eyes stare at him, searching, before a small smile spreads on Alex’s mouth. “Didn’t know you cared,” he whispers teasingly, relaxing his body. He grins when Henry rolls his eyes. “You sure it’s alright?”
“Positive.” After a moment of deliberation, Henry squeezes Alex’s waist and pulls him imperceptibly closer. Alex comes easily.
After a minute or two, he brings his hands up and around Henry’s neck, crowding even closer. He rests his cheek on top of Henry’s head and lets out a slow exhale like he’s in the most comfortable place in the words instead of a cramped car moving way too fast.
Henry forces himself to stay as still as possible and accidently catches June’s gaze in the rearview mirror.
She smiles softly at them, a knowing glint in her eyes. Henry is so screwed.
IV
Henry opens the door to find Alex hunched over his desk, in the exact same position he was over three hours ago.
He barely looks up, hand flying over the keyboard of his laptop. “Hey. How was dinner?”
“It was good,” Henry says, toeing off his shoes and hanging his jacket on the back of the chair. “Falafel will never not be my favorite food.”
The corner of Alex’s mouth twitches. “Just wait until you’ve tried my homemade Mexican food. I’ll make your white ass cry.”
“Promises, promises,” Henry teases, sitting at the foot of his bed. “Have you eaten yet?”
Alex’s hands falter briefly. “Uh. Probably not? I don’t think so.”
“You’ve been studying for hours,” Henry says softly. “Come take a break and eat something.”
“Two more paragraphs, then I promise I’m done.”
“I brought you dinner.”
That makes Alex look up from the screen in front of him, hands freezing on the keyboard. “What?” he says quietly, only now noticing the brown paper bag in Henry’s hands. “You did?”
Henry’s smile turns shy all of a sudden. He shrugs lightly, hoping it looks way more casual than he feels. “I was already there. I figured you probably wouldn’t have had anything to eat for a while. Hope you like falafel.”
Alex doesn’t move for a while, looking between Henry’s face and the bag in his hands with wide eyes and parted lips. He looks surprised and… weirdly touched, if Henry is reading this right. Like he wasn’t expecting the gesture.
Henry watches him type for another second before closing his laptop. Alex stands up slowly and walks towards Henry’s bed, sitting close to him. Henry offers him the paper bag and Alex closes careful fingers around it like he’s making sure it’s real, taking the first bite with a smile and a sigh of appreciation that melts Henry’s heart.
He’s not expecting Alex to lay his head on his shoulder as he eats but he welcomes it anyway, shifting ever so slightly to make sure he’s comfortable. Alex offers him a couple bites and won’t take no for an answer, so they sit there quietly sharing food, Alex’s curls tickling Henry’s chin.
Only when he’s done does Alex lift his head from Henry’s shoulder, but he still doesn’t go very far. He stays close enough that Henry can count the freckles on his nose – he hadn’t realized Alex had any before – and has to hold his breath because they’re really close.
Alex’s mouth opens and closes a few times, his brows furrowing like he can’t decide what he wants to say. Then he closes it, shows Henry a small smile, and leans in.
The first touch of Alex’s lips to his cheek is almost enough to send Henry into cardiac arrest. It’s soft and delicate like a summer breeze and still so sure, like Alex is testing Henry’s reaction more than his own feelings. Henry doesn’t know what to do apart from letting his mouth fall open in a quiet exhale, sitting very still in case it breaks the spell, and hopes Alex doesn’t pull away.
He does, obviously, after what feels like too long and nowhere near long enough. Henry’s cheek feels hot. He resists the urge to touch it with his fingertips.
“Thank you,” Alex whispers a moment later, looking intently at Henry. His mouth curls upwards in a tentative smile. “You didn’t have to do that.”
Henry pushes past the knot in his throat that wants to spill words that should stay inside. “I know. I wanted to.”
Alex’s smile only grows. Henry never stood a chance.
Alex lays his head on Henry’s shoulder again, and they stay there for long minutes. Those minutes mean more to Henry than words ever could.
V
Reading in bed after a long day of classes is one of Henry’s favorite things to do. It’s just him and a book of his choosing, usually Jane Austen or another classical piece.
He’s used to reading with noise around him, never really getting used to complete silence, so he doesn’t even notice at first when Alex walks through the door. Henry startles a little when he feels the mattress dip under Alex’s weight and looks up from the pages of Emma to find his roommate plastered on his bed.
“Don’t you have your own bed to starfish on?” he asks, fond tone betraying his words.
Alex flashes him a tired grin and pushes his nose deeper into the sheets. “Yours is comfier,” he mumbles, words slightly muffled, and Henry raises his brow.
“They’re exactly the same.”
“Yours is… closer?”
“They’re less than two feet away from each other.”
“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re trying to kick me out of your bed, Fox.”
Henry, stupidly, feels himself blush. “I wouldn’t ever dream of it,” he murmurs, and Alex cracks one eye open to wink at him. Henry’s face is probably redder than a whole pile of tomatoes.
“Wanna get pizza for dinner?” Alex asks, pulling himself up to a sitting position with a wince. He rubs the back of his neck like he’s in pain. “This new place just opened a couple blocks away.”
“Sure. What’s wrong with your neck?” Henry tries not to blurt out the question but he probably doesn’t succeed. The book in his hands is already closed and forgotten.
Alex winces again as he moves his head and drops his hand. “Must have pulled something, but it’s nothing, let’s get—”
“Hey,” Henry interrupts softly. “It’s not nothing.” He lifts one hand. “May I?”
Alex’s lips curl upwards. “What, you gonna fix it with your magic hands?”
Henry huffs out a laugh. “I might, you demon. You don’t know.”
Alex only hesitates for half a second before scooting closer, eyes on Henry until he turns his back to him when Henry asks him to turn around. Henry places his hands on Alex’s shoulders and digs his thumbs into the nape of his neck, slowly and steadily working the knots of tension.
The sigh Alex lets out less than two seconds later should be illegal.
“How do you do that?” he breathes out, letting his head fall forward and his eyes slip shut.
“I used to do it to my sister when we were kids,” Henry says softly, rubbing his fingers along the skin of Alex’s neck and the place where it meets his shoulders. Alex hums in appreciation. “Does it feel alright?”
“H, I’m pretty sure I could fall asleep like this,” Alex says quietly, sounding like he really could.
“You better not,” Henry says and lets his hands fall from Alex’s neck after long minutes massaging it. “I think you promised me pizza.”
Alex doesn’t move away – in fact, he leans back against Henry’s chest and rests his head on Henry’s shoulder, looking up at him with big brown eyes and long lashes.
“Thank you,” he whispers with a small smile. Henry’s heart stutters in his chest.
“You carry too much,” he whispers back, pushing a curl away from Alex’s forehead while staring into his eyes. For once, Alex doesn’t look like he wants to deny it.
When they walk out of the room a few minutes later, Alex slips his palm into Henry’s. Henry turns his hand and laces their fingers together. They don’t talk about it, but they don’t hide their smiles either.
+ I
A Star Wars marathon has never failed Henry when he needed to decompress after a long day. It helps him relax and clear his mind, and today is no different.
Of course, he doesn’t usually have Alex cuddled up at his side, head resting on Henry’s chest and drawing random circles on his shoulders with his fingers, but that probably doesn’t mean anything.
One of his hands is running softly up and down Alex’s back while the other brushes over his curls. Alex is going on the rant about why Empire is the best movie – wrong, but Henry likes to listen to him anyway – when he suddenly stops and melts around the same time Henry tangles his fingers in the wild curls.
Now, he drags his eyes away from the laptop when he feels Alex move beside him. He lifts his head, resting his chin on Henry’s chest, and looks at him for long minutes.
“What?” Henry asks self-consciously, brushing a stray curl away from Alex’s forehead.
Alex doesn’t say anything for a bit. He keeps looking at him, worrying his lower lip between his teeth, and it feels like years pass before he speaks, voice softer than ever.
“Can I kiss you?”
Henry almost falls off the bed in shock.
He manages not to, but it’s a near thing. He plants his arm on the mattress at the last second and manages to stay half sitting, half lying down, completely making a fool of himself.
Alex has the audacity to laugh at him, the absolute menace that he is, and it echoes beautifully in the room.
“Shut up,” Henry mumbles, feeling his face heat. He’s probably bright red right now and it’s awful. “You just sprang that on me with no warning, I wasn’t prepared.”
Alex is still giggling. It should not be this endearing. “Did I ever tell you you’re cute when you blush?”
Henry feels himself blush even harder. “I hate you.”
“So that’s a no for the kiss?”
Henry bites his bottom lip. “I… I didn’t say that.”
Alex’s laugh subsides as he sits up on the bed. His face softens and a small, shy smile appears on his lips; Henry’s heart warms because it’s directed at him. Alex looks vulnerable but unafraid, eyeing Henry expectantly.
Henry sits next to him again, now sure that he won’t fall to the floor. He brings one of his hands up, moving slowly to cup Alex’s cheek, thumbing over his skin when Alex leans into the touch. Then he leans in, slowly too, stopping when their noses brush together. Alex exhales shakily.
“May I?” Henry whispers, tracing the corner of Alex’s mouth with his finger. It twitches under the touch.
“I’m pretty sure I asked first, sweetheart,” Alex remarks, ever the tease, tangling his fingers in the hair at the nape of Henry’s neck. Henry rolls his eyes at him, and Alex’s chuckle is cut off when he presses their mouths together.
It’s… well. It’s everything Henry could have hoped for.
Alex’s lips are pliant and soft under his, but there’s an edge to it that makes Henry want to curl into Alex’s chest and never leave again. It’s gentle but determined, with a purpose that revels in the way Alex’s hands tighten in Henry’s hair, how he pulls him closer and tilts his head for a better angle.
Henry is helpless to do much else, and he holds Alex’s face in his hands like he might disappear if Henry ever lets go, laughs into his mouth when their noses bump together, tries and fails to suppress a sigh when Alex sucks on his bottom lip.
It’s surreal and leaves Henry’s head spinning. He almost makes a fool of himself by chasing after Alex’s lips when he pulls away a few minutes later, but manages to hold himself back. It’s no easy task.
He opens his eyes to see Alex’s still closed as he tries to get his breath under control, a pretty blush climbing up his cheekbones.
He opens his eyes and stares at Henry through thick eyelashes, a smile already on his lips. “Hey. You okay?”
Henry has never felt more okay in his entire life. “Perfect,” and his voice only breaks a little, so he counts it as a win. “You?”
“Perfect,” Alex echoes brightly. He gently pokes Henry’s cheek. “You look spooked, H.”
Henry swallows. That’s the thing – he doesn’t know what comes after this, and he’s not sure he’s gonna like the answer.
“You should know,” he starts quietly, and Alex’s face grows serious. Henry doesn’t let go of him yet. “I don’t have a habit of kissing my friends.”
Alex laughs. “Me neither.”
“I don’t want to kiss my friends,” Henry says pointedly.
Alex grins like the sun shines just for him. “Great. I’m right there with you.” He pauses, his thumb stroking along Henry’s jawline. His next words are quieter, more tentative. “How do you feel about kissing your boyfriend, then?”
Henry’s heart is going to explode in his chest and he’s going to let it. “Well,” he says, because why be straightforward when he can tease Alex a little. “I don’t happen to have a boyfriend.”
Alex rolls his eyes, lightly shoving his shoulder. “Are you really going to make me say it?”
Henry grins. “Maybe I want to hear you say it.”
Alex huffs out a breath, but it’s the furthest thing from annoyed. “Alright, smartass,” he says softly, looking into Henry’s eyes. “Will you be my boyfriend?”
Three little words should not make Henry this euphoric, but he feels his face hurt from smiling so much so maybe it doesn’t matter.
He whispers “Yes,” against Alex’s lips and pulls him into another kiss that they both smile into – it feels like a promise.
The movie keeps playing on Alex’s laptop; they don’t pay attention to it again. They have better things to do.