Chapter Text
It's been nearly three weeks and Loki still hasn't been able to give Fury an answer. Not that the man is pushing for one, a fact which bothers him simply because he can't figure out why. Sure, he helped to save the world and that buys him more than a little lee way but even so... So he tiptoes around the place, trying and failing to figure out what to do next. What he wants to do next.
He hasn't left once and he thinks that's at least part of what it allowing Fury to indulge him. If he tried to leave he half expects to find himself clapped in irons and dragged back to that cell, or to Asgard. Which is another mystery. The bifrost isn't entirely fixed yet, but it's working well enough to allow for free and easy travel between Midgard and his - former – home. Even if Fury and those he answers too are prepared to give Loki a chance, he's not sure why Odin would do the same.
Yet there has been no word from the Allfather, at least none directed at Loki. It hurts, more than he expected. More than he wants it too. Even after everything, this silence is a rejection he hadn't been prepared for. Not that he'd expected to be welcomed home with open arms, all forgiven. Not that he, himself, is ready to forgive yet. But this lack of anything, of angry words or demands, it speaks of a disinterest he hadn't anticipated.
Though maybe he should have done, given what happened the last time he was in Asgard. Left alone in a cell, gagged and bound. Even Thor hadn't been to visit him, he'd just been left alone, forgotten. Unimportant. Nothing.
'I am NOT nothing, I am Loki.'
He says the words out loud, letting them echo around the basement lab. They help, but not as much as he would like. For a brief moment he considers going back, asking Thor to take him. Surely Fury would allow him that? Forcing the issue is the sort of thing Loki likes to do, making sure he will not – cannot – be ignored.
The mortal man who enters then, whistling to himself changes his mind. There will be a time and place when heading to Asgard and confronting the Allfather is the right thing to do. Right now however, even that couldn't persuade him to leave Tony's side.
'Tony, you are late this morning.'
'Ah, yeah. Sorry about that. Team meeting, sort of a last minute thing.'
It is a sharp reminder that until he agrees to Fury's terms he is not really a member of said team. Despite everything, he doesn't belong here. Not yet, perhaps not ever.
'Oh. Anything interesting?'
'Not really. Fury wants me to develop some new super weapons. I refused. The usual.'
'Why would you refuse?'
'Stark Industries is not a weapons manufacturer, not any more.'
'Oh. But...'
'That was an exceptional circumstance. The entire world was in danger. It's not right now, that makes a difference.'
Loki could point out that the world is always in danger, but he doesn't. Tony is still a puzzle to be worked out and he has no inclination to rush the process. Instead he moves over to the man, seeking the comfort that his presence brings. As if sensing his need, Tony wraps an arm around his waist and lays a soft kiss against his cheek.
'How are you holding up?'
'Fine. I... I don't know what to do.'
'Well, I can always do with a hand in here, if you don't mind being relegated to the role of lab assistance. Or we could go and watch a movie. Do you have movies on Asgard?'
'Movies? No. I... Would Fury let me leave?'
'Loki, if you really wanted to go could he actually stop you?'
It is a valid point, and one Loki hadn't considered. Not really. For all their tech and ideas, SHIELD is no where near close to developing the cell that could actually hold him. He really could just walk out of here any time he wanted to, so why hadn't he? Strange. Perhaps he did want to be here.
'So, I am not a prisoner?'
'Not even slightly. Is... Is that all that's been keeping you here?'
It's not, and they both know it, but Loki is grateful for the question. For even the vaguest suggestion that Tony wants him here, would be sad – hurt even – if he just left. It helps, to be reminded that he is not without power in whatever strange dynamic they have going on between them.
'No. I-I think I want to stay.'
'Then you should. Tell Fury you accept his offer. You might even enjoy it.'
He lays his head against Tony's shoulder, hunching slightly to do so. He might enjoy it, that's true. He has never dared think of himself as a hero, but perhaps he could be. He doesn't want to think about the alternative. If he returned to his villainous pursuits, would Tony still hold him like this? Probably not, but there is an appeal to be found in that idea too. It is weakness to need someone the way he fears he needs Tony. A god should be able to stand on his own two feet, at all times.
Besides, if Tony had any idea of the monster he really is then there would be no more kisses. No more of this hugging, hand holding or easy conversation. Would there even be hatred, or simply the silence of Odin?
Tony strokes his hair, soft and patient.
'What are you thinking?'
'Nothing.'
'Sure. Well, how about that movie? If you don't feel like going out, there's a perfectly good TV and a sofa upstairs. Of course, Clint and Natasha seem to have claimed if but I think we can probably take them if it comes to a fight.'
Loki allowed himself to be led from the room, quite literally by the hand. He had no idea what kind of films he might like so left the choice up to Tony. Then they were settling back on the couch together. Somehow, Loki found himself stretched out, long legs hooked over the arm of the sofa, head resting in Tony's lap. It was...nice.
Aside from a couple of awkward conversations with his brother, Loki has kept his interactions with the avengers to a bare minimum, aside from Tony. Intellectually he can understand that things have changed. Whilst not friends, they are definitely no longer enemies. Even he and Clint have come to some kind of understanding. A truce, perhaps.
With Tony it's different. The kiss they shared has become one of many, so that he has grown familiar with the way the man's tongue feels against his. He has explored every sensitive inch of Tony's mouth, has revelled in his taste. It is the only time he really feels certain of anything, really feels like himself.
But he doesn't dare take it any further than that. Kissing is not something the Chitauri demanded of him, too soft and personal and intimate for what they had wanted. Kisses you gave to a friend, or a loved one. Not to a creature you sought only to use and break, to destroy. Kissing Tony feels safe, for the most part.
It feels safe now, as he shifts himself until he has managed to clamber into Tony's lap. The movie runs in the background, forgotten. This position is a new one and he revels in the feel of Tony's arms around him, holding him close. It is wonderful, until he shifts in Tony's lap and feels the very hard evidence of Tony's interest.
In a second all feelings of safety have fled. They are in new and dangerous territory now. He freezes, his lips stilling against Tony's, his back tensing against the hands that stroke them.
'Loki?'
'I-I can't do this. Please.'
He pulls away, trying not to see the confused, injured look of the one man he feels safe to consider a friend. Tony lets him go, wordless, a single sigh of relief leaving his mouth when Loki only goes as far as the other end of the sofa.
'Loki? You OK?'
Loki shakes his head, fighting back the tears. No, he is not OK. His own desire is a thing he has forced down, not ready to be confronted by. Faced now with Tony's he doesn't know what he should be doing.
'Hey. It's OK. If you don't want to do something, anything, you don't have to.'
Loki nods, mute with the effort not to give in and cry. It is a hollow victory when he manages to get himself back under control.
'Let's just watch the film.'
So they do, and when Clint and Natasha make an appearance Loki fights the urge to flee. If he is to fight alongside them – and he thinks, perhaps, that he wants to – then first he must be able to spend time with them.
After that, it almost becomes routine. Thursday night is movie night. It takes two more days before Loki finally gives Fury his answer. Tempting as it would be to cut his losses and run, he is determined not to do so. If his time with the Chitauri taught him anything it is that he is stronger than anyone gives him credit for, including himself.