Chapter Text
imagine having parents (3:42pm)
leave me alone has added serohanta!
leave me alone has changed smokes2cope’s nickname!
experiment 626: Welcome to Hell.
(nomom)onma: Oh great, another class a brat
one corn chip: the only brat here is you, mon ami xoxo <3
one corn chip: welcome to UA wardship, sero!
(nomom)onma: Yeah yeah that too
smokes2cope: lol thanks i think??
smokes2cope: i have a mom tho so the chat name isn’t accurate
leave me alone: That’s debatable
smokes2cope: ????
(nomom)onma: Not ominous at all
smokes2cope: are you going to kill my mother katsuki
experiment 626: Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to, Sero.
smokes2cope: Roki?????
(nomom)onma: You heard the men
one corn chip: you are all ridiculous smh
smokes2cope: wait aoyama
smokes2cope: what is up with that name
(nomom)onma: HA
one corn chip: sigh
one corn chip: my parents sold me to all for one for one corn chip
smokes2cope: holy shit
experiment 626: Anyway. Welcome to the Hero Students In UA Custody Squad.
(nomom)onma: That is not the official title
experiment 626: It is to me.
leave me alone: We aren’t a squad
leave me alone: We aren’t even really friends
experiment 626: It’s real to me.
one corn chip: Methinks the gentleman doth protest too much
leave me alone: I hate all of you
(nomom)onma: Lies and slander
smokes2cope: p sure thats katsu for “i appreciate yr friendship”
leave me alone: Fuck you, tape face
smokes2cope: love u too kats <3
Class 2-Gay (6:57pm)
NotAppleCertified: Who is it
ispy: who is what?
NotAppleCertified: I swear to god who is it
tentacool: admit to your sins
momther: Is something wrong?
NotAppleCertified: SOMEONE in this dorm is listening to cbat
NotAppleCertified: W H O I S I T
momther: ???????? ???? ? ? ??
tentacool: i have removed all my extra ears for my own sanity
tentacool: rocking the ogs this evening folks
tentacool: i do not like it
ClassPrep: What? Is cbat??
ProtagonistEnergy: I know that I am the unofficial “Explain Things to Iida/Todoroki Person” but I refuse to take this one
ProtagonistEnergy: I will not do it
NotAppleCertified: I think that whoever is blasting this shit rn should do it. Explain this.
NotAppleCertified: Atone for your fucking sins
momther: I’m so confused?
ispy: so i did some research and i have several questions
tentacool: did you listen to it
ispy: unfortunately
tentacool: so you know why we suffer
ispy: ive never been more grateful to not have enhanced hearing in my life
NotAppleCertified: How am i supposed to have a mental breakdown in these conditions
NotAppleCertified: This is cruel and inhumane
tentacool: is it still going?
NotAppleCertified: ITS ON A LOOP
electric rat: idk its kind of a bop
NotAppleCertified: YOU
NotAppleCertified: I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN
electric rat: NO ITS NOT ME WAIT
electric rat: I HAVE BEEN TRAINING AT GROUND ALPHA FOR AN HOUR
birdplaneuravity: confirmed
birdplaneuravity: i m trng w him
keroppi: trng = training
ispy: god bless tsu, our personal ochako translator
birdplaneuravity: <3
sugar baby: Not to interrupt but this fuckING project that midnight-sensei assigned us with the fuckign business course makes me want to scream
electric rat: o shit sato angy
sugar baby: “The amount of sugar you consume will make it harder to market you to parents of small children” ITS MY QU I R K
momther: Oh, dear.
sugar baby: IF I HEAR ONE MROE THING ABOUT FOCUS GROUPS NAD HEALTHY LIFESTYLES IM GOIGN TO CRY
electric rat: wowie suddenly i am not looking forward to working on that tomorrow
keroppi: i think it's todoroki
keroppi: playing cbat i mean
ispy: WHAT
tentacool: no. i do not accept this.
ProtagonistEnergy: Friendship ended with Shouto, Hitoshi is my new best friend
insomnya: i feel like i should be offended somehow but i dont know how
birdplaneuravity: me 2
pokeball: It is not me.
ProtagonistEnergy: Thank god crisis averted
ProtagonistEnergy: Wait, Shouto, do you know what cbat is even
pokeball: Yes.
pokeball: Natsuo has taken it upon himself to share cursed internet lore with me.
pokeball: I know too much.
NotAppleCertified: I have found the culprit
NotAppleCertified: I had to plug into the wall on each floor but I did it
NotAppleCertified: @fuckyou Do you have an excuse?
fuckyou has left the chat!
tentacool has added bakugoukatsuki to the chat!
tentacool has changed fuckyou’s nickname!
tentacool: answer for your crimes
fuckyou: Fuck you
NotAppleCertified: Living up to your name I see
tentacool: explain yourself bakugou
fuckyou: Do you WANT an explosion to the face? This is how you get an explosion to the face.
tentacool: you don’t scare me
tentacool: you cannot harm me in a way that matters
electric rat: forget cbat shoji is metal as shit wtf
fuckyou: I… genuinely don’t have a response for that
fuckyou: Good job i guess octofreak
NotAppleCertified: Holy shit
electric rat: you broke Katsuki
tentacool: :)
NotAppleCertified: I dont even want an answer anymore, that was punishment enough oh my god
fuckyou: I hate everyone in this stupid fucking class
tentacool: ahh and he’s back
imagine having parents (1:28am)
experiment 626: Do you think that Koda could control Tokoyami if he wanted to?
(nomom)onma: Why are you awake
experiment 626: Unimportant.
(nomom)onma: Todoroki.
experiment 626: Ha
experiment 626: Channel 43 HNN
(nomom)onma: …
(nomom)onma: Number one in property damage, maybe
experiment 626: Haha
one corn chip: it’s like he is trying to set a record
(nomom)onma: Maybe he is
(nomom)onma: He’s never going to be better than All Might at actual hero work, after all
one corn chip: terrible father, terrible hero, terrible person
one corn chip: truly a trifecta of terrible
one corn chip: …to be clear that was the french pronunciation, not english
smokes2cope: what is happening???
Aoyama > Sero (1:31am)
hon hon baguette:
todoroki’s papa is on the news
hon hon baguette: we insult him to make our friend smile
hanta: oh word
hanta: i can get behind that
imagine having parents (1:32am)
(nomom)onma: He is aware that he’s supposed to be apprehending the villains, not killing them, right?
(nomom)onma: We literally learned that during day one of the Hero Course
smokes2cope: bold of you to assume Endeawhore has ever listened to anyone intelligent in his life
(nomom)onma: Oop
smokes2cope: thatd require him to admit that someone knows better than him
(nomom)onma: OOP
leave me alone: Stop blowing up my fucking phone
leave me alone: …
leave me alone: Endeavor is a shitty hero. I’m better than he’s ever been and I don’t even have a pro license yet
leave me alone: I’m going back to sleep. Shut the fuck up.
one corn chip: you all heard the man! we should all go to bed soon anyway
one corn chip: Il me faut ma dose de sommeil
smokes2cope: ah but i was just getting started
one corn chip: another time, mon ami
one corn chip: there will be plenty of opportunity, the man cannot stay off of the television
smokes2cope: shit u rite
Todoroki > Bakugou (1:37am)
half n half fucker: Thank you
Bakugou: Fuck off and die, icy hot
Sero > Bakugou (1:37am)
tape face: yr a p good friend katsuki, yk that right?
sweaty palms: Shut the fuck up
tape face: <3
sweaty palms: …
sweaty palms: <3 or whatever
tape face: :D
high on heroines (7:23am)
ghostbuster: so
ghostbuster: yaomomo
lesbian jesus: Yes, Toru?
ghostbuster: work study forms are due today
ghostbuster: who are you going with? :)
lesbian jesus: Aren’t you supposed to be getting ready for class?
ghostbuster: don’t change the subject :(
kirby: She dosent hav 2 tell us if she doesnt want
kirby: Be nice toru
ghostbuster: i just want to knowwwww
ellen ripley: me too!
ellen ripley: sorry i just woke up
lesbian jesus: We have class in half an hour?
ellen ripley: yaomomo babe look me in the eyes and tell me this is surprising to you
ellen ripley: this cannot be news to you
the braincell: she has a point kero
ellen ripley: ANYWAY i know who LITERALLY everyone else in class is going with
ellen ripley: but not yaomomo >:(
lesbian jesus: I honestly haven’t decided yet?
lesbian jesus: I was going to talk to Aizawa at lunch. I have two equally good offers.
ghostbuster: BUT UTS THE LAST DAY
kirby: 2bf forms arent due til th eod
the braincell: 2bf = to be fair
the braincell: EOD = end of day
the braincell: im sure dadzawa will be happy to help you yaomomo, kero
ghostbuster: and THEN can we know??
lesbian jesus: I will think about it.
pass the aux: OH FUCK IM LATE FOR CLASS
pass the aux: Also whoever you choose will be lucky to have you momo <3333
ghostbuster: agreed!
ellen ripley: SO TRUE also mood i was almost late lol
lesbian jesus: Please put your phones away, class is about to start!
ellen ripley: she says, visibly continuing to visibly text afterwards
lesbian jesus: Do as I say, not as I do <3
Kirishima > Yaoyorozu (8:14am)
Red Riot: hey yaomomo!
yaomomo is god: Good morning, Kirishima!
Red Riot: so…
Red Riot: i have been trying very hard not to be nosy buuuuuut
Red Riot: when you asked what its like working with fatgum a couple weeks ago was that because you’re going to try coming over here this year?
yaomomo is god: I might be.
Red Riot: arent the forms do today?
Red Riot: due*
yaomomo: They are.
Red Riot: and you havent decided yet???
yaomomo: It’s… complicated.
Red Riot: can i offer my opinion?
yaomomo is god: If you would like to, I would welcome any thoughts you may have!
Red Riot: amajiki and fat both have food-related quirks, and fat is very serious about making sure their diet plans are good for them *and* tasty *and* the most effective for their quirk
Red Riot: and idk i think maybe that would be rly good to at least test out
Red Riot: plus youre really good with your brain but fat’s great at teaching close combat. which ik you’ve mentioned wanting to improve at !
yaomomo is god: Thank you, Kirishima. I appreciate the outside insight.
Red Riot: of course!
Red Riot: it would super rad to work together!
yaomomo: I agree!
Class 2-Gay (9:21pm)
electric rat: so hypothetically
NotAppleCertified: Oh No
electric rat: if i maybe accidentally messed up my student id somehow and got locked outside the gate as curfew rapidly approaches
NotAppleCertified: Denki,,, no,,,
electric rat: who would come and get me?
ClassPrep: Kaminari! This is the third time you’ve de-magnetized your ID in a month!
electric rat: ok look
electric rat: you try being a human generator and not accidentally demagnetizing every card in your wallet on a regular basis
electric rat: life is suffering
electric rat: the world is against me
ProtagonistEnergy: Shouto, Hitoshi, and I are almost back
ProtagonistEnergy: You can come in with us!
electric rat: the world is on my side
electric rat: i am winning
electric rat: all is right in the world
insomnya: you exhaust me
electric rat: everything exhausts you, that's nothing new
NotAppleCertified: Holy shit
NotAppleCertified: When did Kami get so brutal wtf
electric rat: rude??
ProtagonistEnergy: Hitoshi’s blushing
insomnya: i am not
insomnya: i am breaking up with you
electric rat: we aren’t dating???
NotAppleCertified: Y
NotAppleCertified: Youre not??
ispy: YOURE NOT???????? ? ? ?
ProtagonistEnergy: YOU AREN’T?
pokeball: Sounds fake, but okay.
knockoffSuohTamaki: what do you mean you’re not dating???
ispy: I FEEL LIED TO
ispy: NEXT YOURE GOING TO TELL ME NEITHER OF yOU ARE DATING SERO
swingline: I’m single???
swingline: We’re all single
ispy: WHAT
pokeball: What.
ClassPrep: It’s not polite to speculate about our classmates’ relationships!
ClassPrep: Having said that
ClassPrep: what the fuck
swingline: lmao did you guys think the entire bakusquad was dating or smth
pokeball: Yes.
pinkydinkydoo: All of you thought that?
NotAppleCertified: Yes
keroppi: Not everyone
birdplaneuravity: shhhh tsu we no ur smrter than every1 else :(
birdplaneuravity: dont rub it in :(
fuckyou: You’re all fucking stupid
pinkydinkydoo: And here we see katsuki making his weekly appearance in the group chat
pinkydinkydoo: Rare to spot after 8pm. I’m proud of you Blasty!
fuckyou: Fuck off
fuckyou: Ei’s fucking phone keeps going off and it’s keeping me awake
a nice boulder: i’m not even in ur room kats lmao
fuckyou: SHUT UP
fuckyou: I HATE ALL OF YOU
swingline: uh huh
pinkydinkydoo: Love you too bakubabe <3<3<3
a nice boulder: :D Love you too Katsu!
insomnya: ok sure bkg
insomnya: whatever u say
electric rat: yes yes we love u too
electric rat: anyway
electric rat: ummm so i notice it is now 9:51 and no one has arrived to let me in @ProtagonistEnergy @insomnya @pokeball :????
insomnya: sounds like a you problem
ProtagonistEnergy: They distracted me with hero talk and brought me in the back entrance to spite you im soryr
electric rat: WHAT
electric rat: please let me in :((( dadzawa is gonan be so disappointed in me
pokeball: I was betrayed.
insomnya: I was betrayed, tdrk is just annoyed that his theory was wrong
ProtagonistEnergy: IM TRYIGN TO COME ELT YOU IN KAMINARI I SWEAR
swingline: love that no one else is going to let him in lol
sugar baby: I mean this is funnier
electric rat: et tu, sato?
swingline: bud i hate to tell you this but sato is high off his ass rn
swingline: you are getting no sympathy from him
sugarbaby: I am indeed
ClassPrep: Disappointed Class Rep Noises
momther: Long-suffering Vice Rep Sigh
electric rat: disappointed but not surprised sigh
electric rat: WAIT IIDA YAOMOMO PLEASE I BEG
momther: Well…
ClassPrep: Then beg.
electric rat: WHY
ClassPrep: It’s funny.
ClassPrep: Also, I let you in twice this month, and Yaoyorozu has let you in several times as well! We cannot always bail you out.
momther: Honestly, Kaminari, just call Aizawa.
electric rat: why do all of you Hate Mearsgthyjrhd
NotAppleCertified: Oop
NotAppleCertified: He got got
NotAppleCertified: Unfortunate
swingline: damn and at 9:59
swingline: he was so close
swingline: rip denks he was a pretty okay dude
pokeball: A second betrayal.
pokeball: Izuku acquired him.
insomnya: midoriya got away using his quirk, jumped over the walls, and zoomed over to denki to let him in
insomnya: i dont think hes sweating
insomnya: insufferable
knockoffSuohTamaki: Be careful, mon ami, your Aizawa is showing v.v
insomnya: i am going to bed
NotAppleCertified: He immediately texted stoner chat lmao
insomnya: to quote tdrk
insomnya: A betrayal.
salad with the devil (10:03pm)
cannavoid: so guess whose stash jar is empty :(
soundwaves: RIP
munchies personified: I have an extra brownie if you want!
munchies personified: …its somewhere in my fridge. maybe.
cannavoid: no offense king but i would like to stay in this dimension tonight
munchies personified: Fair enough
weedslinger: lmao yeah eat one of sato’s brownies and you will be in outer space for a week
weedslinger: 10/10 can i have that actually
munchies personified: You got it my guy
munchies personified: I will leave my door unlocked
munchies personified: I am not getting out of bed to be clear
weedslinger: BET
weedslinger: ill be there asap
cannavoid: if i remember correctly youve been banned from edibles by kiri and kami
weedslinger: you do not remember correctly
soundwaves: So if i text denki he’ll say the same thing right
weedslinger: hhhh
weedslinger: ok fine i will not be there asap
haha green: I will
munchies personified: Word. Door is still unlocked
haha green: I will be there in thirty-two seconds
munchies personified: That’s pretty specific
munchies personified: Oh wow, he’s here
haha green: Quirk uwu
soundwaves: Smh what would all might say?
haha green: What he doesn’t know doesn’t hurt him.
cannavoid: diabolical
cannavoid: truly
soundwaves: Sigh
soundwaves: Sero and Shinsou
soundwaves: Meet me on the roof in like 20 minutes. We can light up before bed.
cannavoid: jirou is the new love of my life
soundwaves: Ew. No.
this class can fit so much trauma (12:13am)
swingline: yo @kerropi question for u
swingline: also omg who changed the chat name lmao
momther: That was Toru.
momther: She thinks she’s funny.
ispy: do you not think im funny yaomomo?? :(
momther: I’ll let you infer what you want.
ispy: :(
keroppi: whats up sero?
keroppi: kero
swingline: class rep smoked w us right?
ClassPrep: Sero!
keroppi: lmao yeah he did
ClassPrep: Asui!!
keroppi: …
ClassPrep: Tsu!!*
birdplaneuravity: tsu still has th convo w yaomomo abt th elephant inacs in barbie island princess
keroppi: inacs = inaccuracies
keroppi: yes i do
keroppi: kero
momther: Oh, send that to me.
ClassPrep: Uraraka!!!
ClassPrep: YAOYOROZU
swingline: see jirou i told u
swingline: class rep, tsu, uraraka, koda, yaomomo, and tokoyami
swingline: weirdest sesh ive ever had in my life tbh
NotAppleCertified: The fact that I wasnt invited is homophobic
SquirrelGirl: Everyone in this class is gay how is that homophobic
NotAppleCertified: I’m gay and wasn’t invited
NotAppleCertified: Homophobic
SquirrelGirl: Pretty sure thats not how that works
SquirrelGirl: Also. Why is this my name now
electric rat: tail
electric rat: superhero
electric rat: badass
SquirrelGirl: …I started out offended but now i am. Soft.
SquirrelGirl: It can stay
electric rat: yessss
No Crimes Here (1:06am)
orange juice addict: …So is anyone ever going to explain what cbat is?
mumblemumble: Tenya please
mumblemumble: Go to SLEEP
mumblemumble: Do not make me do this
daddy issues: Well you see
ribbitch: absolutely not kero
daddy issues: https://www.bustle.com/wellness/tiktok-cbat-reddit-story
mumblemumble: Blocked