Work Text:
Dean looks out the window for the 100th time and taps his foot. He turns back to the book he isn’t reading.
Sam’s been gone all night and Dean pretended like he didn’t see him sneak out at 1 in the morning. Dean’s always been well-versed in knowing where Sam is at all times.
The minute he got out of bed, Dean knew where he was going. He’s with Ruby again. He’s always with Ruby these days. It’s even worse when he tries to hide it.
Dean hears more than sees Sam get dropped off by Ruby. Sam walks up to the door quietly and opens it with his keys, side braced against it so it doesn’t creak.
He stops, all deer in the headlights when he sees Dean.
“Heya, Sammy,” Dean says, all false cheerfulness.
Sam closes the door silently for lack of a better response.
“Where’ve you been?”
“Out.” It’s curt and Dean scoffs.
“Bullshit.”
Sam rolls his eyes and goes to sit down on his bed, tossing his key on the table where Dean is sitting.
“Don’t fucking ignore me, Sam. I know where you were.”
Sam toes his shoes off and crosses his arms across his chest, all indignant like a fucking teenager.
“Oh, boo-hoo, Dean,” Dean blinks.
“Yeah, I was with Ruby.”
He’s never seen Sam gun for an argument. That’s usually his job.
“No shit. You on the juice?” Sam looks over at him and Dean can’t believe this shit right now.
“Are you even sorry?”
“You know I’m not, Dean. Broken record. We’ve talked about this.”
Sam is for some reason acting like Dean isn’t the most stubborn person he knows.
“Doesn’t mean I’m suddenly okay with it or with you acting like a douchebag.” Sam laughs and it’s humorless.
Oh. They’re about to fight.
“I’m just being honest, Dean. You can’t really say much anyway.” He has that nasal tone of righteousness he gets when he’s mad.
Dean feels a cold clench in his stomach, white-hot. He suddenly feels like he’s on trial instead of the other way around.
“What?”
“Oh, like you’re not doing the same thing with Cas.” Dean stands up, suddenly furious.
“How fucking dare you!”
Sam stands up with equal fever. Oh, so this had been building for a while.
“Oh, so I can’t fuck Ruby for demon blood, but you can fuck Cas for angel information? Real mature, Dean. As always.”
Sam could always cut to the bone, absolutely shred Dean to pieces when he’s mad. Dean takes a step back and rushes words out.
“I don’t-“ Dean’s not even sure where he was going with that.
It’s true. He and Cas have been… together for a while now. It’s complicated like it so often is in Dean’s fucking life.
“What? I know you two are… whatever the hell you guys are. I’ve known for a while.”
Dean shakes his head.
“That’s not the point. Me and Cas are nothing like you and Ruby.” Sam looks incredulous and it pisses Dean off even more.
“How, Dean? I’m not exactly seeing much of a difference. Ruby helps me with my destiny and Cas helps you with yours.”
“What, you’re blood-drinking destiny? You’re sneaking around, Sam! You know it’s wrong!”
“What and you two aren’t always sneaking around? Slumping off to the Impala at odd hours of the night to hook up with an angel.”
Again with just the right words to rip Dean in half. Like he doesn’t feel like he’s condemning Castiel every day.
Those blue eyes are like water looking down at him as they move, sweaty and unclothed in the Impala, wings confined in small spaces. Most of the time they don’t even have sex.
They talk about nothing and everything, and it’s an intimacy that Dean doesn’t deserve. He lays in between’s Cas’ legs, trench coat wrapped around them, head on his chest.
It’s heaven, what he and Cas have. Sue him for wanting a little bit of good in his life.
“It’s different for us and you know it.” It’s vicious the way Dean says it, low and dangerous.
Sam looks taken aback by Dean’s tone. Dean doesn’t think he’s ever been this mad at him, the way it’s sizzling in his blood. Sam sighs and sits back down, all gangled limbs defeated.
“Yeah. I know it is. I’m sorry, Dean. I didn’t mean that.” Dean blinks, emotionally whiplashed.
“I just wish you could see that I… I like Ruby. It’s not just the blood. She understands me.”
Dean wants to say and I don’t? but he knows he doesn’t. There’s always been a disconnect between him and Sam.
He loves him tenfold, but again, Sam’s like his kid. He’ll never understand him like he should. Dean sits back down in his seat and goes to play with a necklace that’s no longer there. He drops his hand back into his lap.
“Me and Cas…”
Sam picks his head up to look at him and it’s cruel, the way Sam’s looking at him so expectant and open like they’re friends gossiping about their relationships.
“He makes me feel good.” He says, suddenly tired.
Not just physically. Dean feels like he’s good like he’s not worthless and broken when he’s with Cas.
Cas smiles at him, less foreign these days, and Dean forgets what being in hell felt like.
“I’m sorry for what I said,” Sam says quietly.
There’s a rush of wind outside and a car passing on the highway, leaves scraping cracked cement.
“Yeah. I know.” It’s an impasse.
Dean knows there’s nothing left to say. He wishes they could talk it out. Dean wishes there was a How to Get Your Brother to Stop Drinking Demon Blood for Dummies, but there isn’t.
It’s just him and Sam on a race to an unstoppable apocalypse. Dean stands up and grabs his keys from the table.
“Goodnight, Sam.” He walks to the door and waits.
“Goodnight, Dean.”
He walks out into the parking lot and it’s cold and wet and miserable. It reflects his mood heavily and it makes Dean feel less alone.
He walks towards the Impala, wet asphalt scraping against his worn-out boots. He watches the room for a minute, lit up by the bedside lamp.
Dean sees his brother’s shadow and then the lamp’s light is out, the room completely dark. Dean’s starting to wonder where he put that bottle of scotch when a sudden rush of air picks up.
“You shouldn’t drink so much, Dean.” Dean looks over at Cas and smiles.
“Noted,” Cas walks over and leans against the Impala beside him. He looks over at him, shaded in the moonlight.
“Heya, Cas.”
“Hello, Dean. What are you doing out here?”
“Fresh air.” Cas hums and looks off to the empty road in front of them.
“Did you and Sam have a fight?” Dean chuckles drily.
“You know me so well.”
“Of course I do. I built you back together, atom by atom.” He bumps Cas’ arm.
“Stop being so romantic.” Cas turns to him, lips upcurved and eyes sparkling.
Dean’s heart beats a little faster. He grabs Cas’ hand in his and wraps their fingers together.
“Wanna go for a ride?”
— —
“Whoo!” Dean screams out the window as they drive, hitting the gas. Cas laughs and Dean wants to hear that sound forever.
The windows are down and Cas’ already wind-blown hair is even more wind-blown, his cheeks red from the cold. Dean slows down when he sees an empty field.
He turns into an old dirt road next to an abandoned shack overgrown with vines. Cas turns to him, the question asked by the quirk of his head. Dean smiles like a little kid, all sappy and idiotic.
“Wanna watch the stars?”
“Sure, Dean.”
They both get out of the Impala. Dean hops on the trunk and leans against the back windshield.
Cas follows suit a second later, laying down next to Dean with their arms brushing. The stars are plentiful in the sky, beautiful and vast.
“You know,” Cas starts and Dean turns his head to look at them. “I helped create some of the stars.” Dean puts his arm beneath his head and grins.
“Really?”
Cas turns to him, eyes lit up with starlight.
“Yes, really,” Cas pauses and scoots closer, putting his hand delicately on Dean’s face.
“But nothing will compare to stitching your soul and body back together. It was the greatest honor of my life.” Dean blushes like a road flare.
Cas can be so incredibly earnest and it’s Dean’s kryptonite. It makes Dean wanna shut down all his walls. He doesn’t think he trusts anyone like he trusts Cas.
Dean finds it hard to follow up to that, so he just leans in and kisses Cas sweetly. Cas pulls him closer by the neck, lining their faces up more comfortably and biting at Dean’s lip.
Cas pulls back and smiles adoringly. He goes back to look at the stars and Dean’s still trying to catch his breath.
He begins to think he doesn’t deserve the way Cas makes him feel like he’s the only guy on earth and then he thinks about Sam and their fight.
Cas notices his mood swing right away. The angel grips his hand, wrapping their fingers together.
“What did you and Sam fight about it?”
Dean chuckles quietly and turns his head towards Cas.
“Did you read my mind?” Cas turns to him and smiles.
“No,” Dean just shakes his head and squeezes their hand.
“We argued about Ruby. He said that he knew about us and he said,” Dean swallows and looks up at the stars. He doesn’t want Cas to get insecure.
“He said that we were like him and Ruby.”
Cas doesn’t say anything. Dean panics.
“Which is not true! I told him that he shouldn’t compare us. It’s… it’s different for us, you know? With heaven and everything. You make me a better man. Ruby doesn’t make Sam better at all. He’s actually a raging dick-“ Cas cuts him off with a fervent kiss.
Dean makes a noise of surprise but kisses back all the same. They pull back after a minute and Dean blinks.
“What was that for?”
“You believe I make you a better man?” Cas asks softly.
Dean scoffs and places his other hand on their wrapped fingers.
“Of course I do. You make me wanna get out of bed and help people and you help me think things through. I mean, I wouldn’t be alive without you.”
Cas laughs gently, the crickets harmonizing with him. The angel looks back at him, galaxies in his eyes.
“You’ve changed me too.”
“Really?” Cas grins slightly.
Dean thinks it’s the most adorable grin he’s ever seen.
“Of course you have. You made me believe in humans, in the world. I didn’t truly feel anything until I met you, Dean.”
Dean’s silent for a moment.
Cas lets the most romantic words fall out of his mouth, pure poetry from the tongue. Dean feels so dumb in comparison. He’s never been good with words.
He absolutely melts against the Impala and does the only thing he can. He pulls Cas into a devout kiss, pouring all his feelings into his lips. Dean’s hands cup lovingly around Cas’ face, angling them just right.
They kiss just like that for a while, their lips sliding against each other’s, warm and wet. Cas tastes like rain and Jack Daniel’s.
They pull back, breathing each other’s air and leaning their foreheads together. Dean swallows and cracks a smile.
“Always gotta one-up me, huh?” Cas rolls his eyes, but he smiles back all the same.
Dean hopes Cas never stops smiling. Cas pecks him one more time then moves back and grabs Dean’s hand, wrapping their fingers together. Cas has loved holding hands ever since Dean showed it to him.
It makes Dean’s stomach feel fluttery every time Cas grabs his hand. They stay there for a while, pressed against each other, holding hands and staring at the stars.
Dean feels safe for the first time in a long time. The sky starts to lighten up, the black shading to dark blue.
Cas squeezes his hand and turns towards him. Dean frowns. He hates this part.
“I must go, Dean.” Dean squeezes his hand back.
“I know.”
Cas’ lips up quirk and he leans into Dean for a sweet and savory kiss. They pull back and Cas caresses his face.
“I’ll be back soon.”
“Better be,” Cas turns to go, but Dean stops him.
“Be safe, okay?” Cas leans in and kisses his cheek.
It makes Dean’s heart skip a beat. He wonders if he has tachycardia.
“I will. See you later, Dean.” He smiles one last time then he’s gone.
Dean sighs and stares up at the sky, the sun starting to rise. He picks himself up and drives back to the motel.
It’s about four in the morning when he returns and he creeps inside like a teenager that snuck out. Sam is still passed out on the other bed, drool falling onto his pillow.
Dean smiles despite himself and takes his boots off quietly before climbing into bed. His mind drifts off to Cas eventually, every insanely romantic thing the angel let come out of his mouth running through his head.
He thanks his lucky stars he has Cas. He closes his eyes and imagines Cas is beside him like he always does.