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Tartaglia , Childe, Ajax, Whatever name (or insult) someone may call them by, never really cared about that whole gender thing.
From a young age, everyone always said they were terribly tomboyish, but blamed Childe's masculine behavior on the fact that they had four brothers. Though, to the young Ajax that didn't make any sense, why was everyone so caught up about them acting like a boy? Childe didn't like to be a girl anyways.
As puberty and therefore the changes of their body began, Ajax often heard from their mother and her friends how they were "finally growing into a nice young lady!" Which confused Childe even more, because the thing was that they didn't mind having a chest and all that, but if everyone took one look at their body and immediately called them "pretty young girl" then they hated it.
Somewhere along the line and the help of the internet Childe learned what the word "transgender" meant, and at first thought it seemed to only make sense that they were a trans man. But as they rolled around that label in their head it became frustratingly clear that this wasn't what they wanted either; They didn't like to be called a girl, or be described as very feminine, but they didn't like to think of themself as a boy either, even if they were more masculine leaning in their behavior (according to their family and friends), and neither did they like being addressed by male pronouns.
That started Childe's self discovery spiral all over again. 'If I'm not a girl, and if I'm not a dude, them what the fuck am I?!'
After nights and nights of screaming into their pillow and staring at their ceiling, just thinking, until 3am, College happened. For their first year there, Childe lived in a dorm with a girl named La Señora, or at least that's what everyone addressed her as. As annoying as sharing a dorm was (though Childe was used to it due to their countless siblings) Señora actually helped Childe get their first job, which they gained their nickname Tartaglia from, and she definitely confirmed the fact that Childe was attracted to women.
So Childe could at least embrace the fact that they were a raging lesbian, and their wardrobe had also become a mix of androgynous and masculine clothes again after dressing more feminine in highschool to fit in. Despite their inner struggles Childe was always the loud and proud kind of person, so basically all of campus caught wind of them and it lead them to many dates with girls, but even then, it still didn't feel right when they heard someone say "She's so pretty" or "hottest girl on campus" in the hallways.
Because yes, they liked being called pretty, and they liked being called hot, but it was always these teeny-tiny words like "she" or "girl" that just made them feel disconnected from any description of themself entirely.
Second year of college came around and Señora had graduated, leaving Childe with an awful new dorm mate that just wouldn't stop talking about her wonderful boyfriend back home all while dragging some random frat boy back to the dorm each night when she thought Childe was sleeping. So finding an apartment was Childe's top priority then, along with a hopefully nice roommate to share rent with.
That's when they met Diluc Ragnvindr. Well, they had kind of met already because they sat next to each other in class sometimes, but they had never talked until Childe overheard Diluc complaining about her roommate moving out and having to find a new one. Ajax quickly jumped at the chance and approached Diluc saying that they could become her new roommate, though Diluc seemed skeptical and frankly annoyed from Childe's wild attitude, she reluctantly agreed, having no other option.
It was certainly an experience living with Diluc, her being ever so stoic but never failing to be put-off by Childe's antics. It was also very refreshing, because Diluc may have been the first person Childe talked to since middle school that didn't reduce Childe to just some kind of girl. No, to Diluc Childe was just some roommate, although she thought of them as annoying and often voiced that, it wasn't ever "annoying girl", just "annoying". And as strange as that was it made Childe feel more comfortable around Diluc.
They thought about the reason why that made them so comfortable and made them feel seen, and they came to the realization that it was because they would like to be seen as nothing, but still kind of everything at once. When Childe tried to visualize it, it would probably look like a weird pot of girl and boy violently stirred together and an unidentifiable entity thrown in along with a sprinkle of gayness.
Yep, that was confusing, but eventually and after a lot of googling, Ajax could happily settle on the term "Non-binary" for themself, and when they used they/them pronouns for themself in their head, it just clicked like a missing puzzle piece.
Even though they now had knowledge of their identity, Childe still didn't come out, after all their research they heard of people coming out as non-binary, and them being called attention-seeking or being called fakes by their own community, as well as Non-binary just generally not being recognized as a thing that exists. They also didn't know how their family would handle it, they still remembered when they announced they were a lesbian at a family dinner and their mom dropping a bowl of potatoes on the floor and looking like she would faint any second.
Sure, after some talking their mom accepted them for who they are, and no one else in their family had as bad of a reaction as their mother, but sexuality and gender were a whole different thing. Their family could maybe accept that they dated women and talked about it, but of they came out as non-binary it would change how their family referred to them and would look at them, and Childe wasn't so sure if their family ever even heard of being non-binary and what that means.
So, yeah, coming out to their family was definitely too scary for now, but also on campus they were scared of the people's reaction. The downside of popularity was that you had everyone's eyes on you, so if you make one wrong step, you'll be the laughingstock for the rest of the year or longer. Even though being a lesbian was largely accepted and there were other queer people on campus, there were still enough straight people and homophobic, transphobic frat boys to make it seem like not the best environment to 'fully embrace yourself' or whatever the advertising posters in the halls read.
But then Diluc came out to them, and that fear and uncertainty that Ajax saw in her eyes reminded them awfully of themselves, especially in their highschool years of just not knowing anything about their identity. So of course Childe would help their roommate wherever and whenever they could, which led to a strong bond and trust being built between them over the past few weeks.
And now here they were, with Childe standing in front of Diluc's room, hesitant to knock because they know if they do, Diluc would become the first person they're out to, just like they had been for her.
One, two, three deep breaths, and they tapped their knuckles against the door.
"Come in!", came the muffled reply which allowed Childe to step into the room and see Diluc hunched over her desk and a pile of schoolwork as usual.
"Hey.", they started to gain Diluc's attention and make her head turn around.
"Hi," the redhead returned, and Diluc's brows immediately furrowed upon seeing them, "Is something wrong?"
Wow, Childe must have really been the picture of nervousness if even Diluc dense-as-a-brick Ragnvindr could recognize it, "No, nothing is wrong. I just- uhm, I want to tell you something."
Diluc put down her pen and fully turned towards Childe in her chair, "Okay, I'm listening." she answered but concern was still clear in her voice.
Now that all of Diluc's attention was on them, Childe's anxiety reached a new peak, but they soldiered through it, because they wanted Diluc to know. "Well, uhm, so you know how when you came out to me, I talked about fucking around with gender norms and such, and how no matter how you present, you're still whatever gender you feel most comfortable as?"
Diluc nodded, "Yes, I remember."
"Great, I've lately, or well, not lately, I've known for a while, but anyways, uh, I like being masculine and shit but I also like having boobs and I don't really vibe with either being a guy or girl, so yeah, I guess what I'm trying to say is uhm." they cleared their throat, exhausted from rambling, "I'm non-binary."
Despite the mess of words that was Childe's explanation, their last two words echoed through the room clear as a crystal, and Childe scrunched their eyes shut, too nervous to see Diluc's reaction.
"Hm." was the first thing they heard.
"If I think about it, it really makes sense. So, honestly I'm not too surprised. Is there anything you want to change, like your pronouns and such?"
Childe blinked their eyes open to see Diluc looking at them as casual as if they were talking about dinner, but still with the softness of someone who understands how anxiety inducing coming out is.
Still, even if they knew Diluc could relate to not being cis, they hadn't been sure if Diluc knew what non-binary was, considered she has been so repressed just a few weeks ago and still was sometimes.
"Wait, you understand?'' slipped out of Childe's mouth.
"Of course, I've been doing some research on my own to understand myself better and generally just to educate myself, and I've come across the term Non-binary often enough to understand what you mean. Of course, even if I didn't read up on it I would still support you, because you were nothing but patient and understanding when I was figuring myself out."
Diluc had a small reassuring smile on her face, and that rare occurrence along with her touching words made Childe's heart stutter in their chest.
This time, they didn't look away out of nervousness, but to hide the blood rushing into their cheeks. "Oh, uhm, thank you, and I do want to go by they and them pronouns now, though my names are all still a-okay."
Diluc hummed, "Alright, I'll make sure to refer to you as that then, but can I use your pronouns around campus too? Do you plan on coming out publicly? I just want to make sure I don't accidentally out you."
Childe grimaced, but now that they were out to Diluc, their confidence was boosted and ready for impulse decisions "That was a thing I hadn't worked out yet, but honestly I don't really care about what people on campus that I barely know think about me, so go wild with using the right pronouns for me and just leave them speculating.", even if the worst case scenario of being a public laughingstock did appear, eventually you just have to reach that point of zero fucks given, and at least they wouldn't be hiding anymore. Plus, they would still have Diluc on their side and all of their closer friends would probably be chill with it as well.
"Okay, do you, uhm, want a hug? or anything? Don't people usually hug when coming out?", The redhead suggested awkwardly, which caused Childe to laugh.
"What?", they asked through their laughter, "We didn't hug when you came out."
Diluc shifted in her seat, blushing, "That's because I'm not- I don't really like touching, but you're a touchy person, so I thought..."
God, Diluc was really too adorable, Childe thought. "Alright firefly, if you really want us to hug that bad, I won't lie and say I couldn't use one.", they grinned and held out their arms.
Diluc, still as red as her hair, stood up and leaned into the embrace, wrapping her arms around her roommate, all while Childe held her and grinned like the cat that got the cream. They never got Diluc to hug them before!
"This is the first and only time this is happening.", Diluc muttered into Childe's hoodie, causing them to giggle, "Of course, red. Wanna go watch a movie or something?"
Diluc pulled away, and Childe immediately missed the warmth she radiated, "A movie sounds good, but I'm picking, you have terrible taste."
Childe gasped, "Excuse me? Eighties Slasher films are the finest form of art and you know it!", they defended, "but okay, if you want to pick this time, I'll let you."
"Seems like you have a brain after all.", Diluc said smugly, and sat on the bed, starting her laptop.
Childe didn't hesitate to jump on the bed next to her and the two spent the rest of the night watching movies and, may or may not, cuddling until they fell asleep.