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“Lou, I need to speak to you.” Harry's voice was low; he wasn’t speaking in his normal cheery tone, but Louis just put this down to him having a headache or something. Louis walked from the other side of the kitchen to where his boyfriend was stood.
“Yes, your hair looks fine. I don't mind what you make for tea, and ...” Louis leant up and kissed Harry in a quick chaste kiss, Harry wished that he hadn’t, it just made this all the more harder.
“No, Lou. Just listen.” Harry looked down at the floor avoiding Louis' gaze. He pulled his hands into the sleeves of his sweater and held the material in his fist, he was stuck, he needed to tell Louis but he didn't know how to.
“Harry, what's wrong?” Louis tried to meet Harry's gaze, but Harry wouldn’t look up at him. Louis could feel the worry creeping up in his stomach. It killed him to see Harry like this, Harry was the constant ray of light in his life and when he dimmed so did Louis’ happiness. Harry didn't reply, just closed his eyes and took a deep breath to compose himself.
“Harry, what is it? Are you ill? Is it your mum? Oh my God, is it my mum? Harry will you speak, please!” Louis was frustrated with Harry's silence, he was working himself in a frenzy, he began to pace back and forth in front of Harry, his head in his hand, filled with all the possibilities of what could be wrong. Louis needed Harry to speak, he couldn't bare the silence or the suspense of whatever it was that was Harry needed to say. Louis reached for his phone on the kitchen top to text his mum to check on everyone. Before his hand could grab onto his phone Harry's hand stopped him, holding him by the wrist.
“No, everyone’s fine. It’s me.” Harry's eyes welled up with tears as he broke his silence.
“You're ill? It’s ok, we can make you better, medicine’s great these days.” Louis rambled on trying reassure Harry.
“Lou!” For the first time in months Harry raised his voice at Louis, silencing him. The kitchen was filled with a deadly silence; both men stood looking into each other‘s eyes, Harry hand still holding on Louis’ wrist which was dwarfed in Harry's hand.
It’s now or never, I have to tell him Harry thought. He braced himself for what he was about to say.
“Lou,” Harry's voice began to quiver as his eyes brimmed with tears. “I, fuck-”
“Harry just tell me, whatever it is, you’re worrying me. We can work it out.”
“Lou, I slept with someone else.” Harry felt stupid as the words left his mouth, there was no going back. The words hit Louis but he didn’t acknowledge them, he stood staring ahead trying to make sense of what he just heard. Harry, the love of his life, the person he had planned his future with, the person who he was going to marry and grow old with, just told him that he had cheated on him. He felt numb, his heart was pounding in his ears and his mouth ran dry. He couldn't register what he had heard.
“Wh-what?”
“Lou, I'm so sorry.” Harry was begin to cry as he saw the effect his words had on Louis. Harry went to hold onto Louis’ other hand but Louis pulled away stepping back from the younger man.
“When? No, Who? I just-” Louis’ world came crashing down around him; he was hoping that Harry would be joking but he knew that that wasn’t going to happen.
“Nick.” Louis laughed of course it was fucking Nick. Harry was confused at Louis’ response, why was he laughing?
“Yeah, should’ve guessed.”
“Lou I didn't plan it-”
“Let me guess, it just happened? That what everything is with you isn’t Harry? Things just happen.” Harry stood dumbfounded in front of Louis, he wanted to say something to make this better but he didn't know what that was.
“Lou, I wanted to tell you before I just couldn't.”
“Why not? Did he promise you another fuck if you kept it quiet?” Louis’ had never felt like this before, he was sad, angry and frustrated, he couldn't make sense of his feelings.
“I didn't want to hurt you.”
“You didn't want to hurt me? Well here’s a thought, don't go around sleeping with 28 year old radio DJs.” Louis words hit Harry hard, as soon as it happened he regretted it immensely, Louis was his world, and he would never consciously do anything to hurt him.
“Please, Lou.” Harry leant forward to kiss Louis.
“No, Harry.” He pushed the younger man away from him. “You can’t just kiss me and expect this all to go away.”
“It was one time, I know it’s not an excuse but I was drunk and horny. You’d been with El for a few days.”
“Don't you dare try to blame me for this; I'm the faithful one here. I'm not the one sleeping around with London’s elite.” Harry's words just spurred on Louis’ anger, he just wanted to scream and let out his frustration. Harry was openly sobbing whilst looking at the floor he knew he had done wrong and didn't expect Louis forgive him, he just wanted to work it out.
“Can we talk about it?” Harry tried to control his sobs as he spoke to Louis.
“You want to talk about it? Let’s talk about it. When?”
“I meant talk about us. You said we can work it out, let’s work it out.” Harry was trying to stay upbeat but there was no hope of it.
“I said that when I thought you were ill, it didn't even cross my mind that you had cheated, I trusted you that much that it didn't cross my mind. Fool on me. Just answer my question, when? ” Louis knew that his words were probably hurting Harry, but they could never hurt as much as Harry's five words had hurt him.
“Alexa’s birthday.” Harry had sniffed between words, but still looking to the floor.
“November? You mean, when I was upset about my family denying our relationship, and I thought that everyone was against us. You knew how much I was hurting and you still went off and slept with someone else?”
“I wasn’t thinking straight.”
“It’s one excuse after another with you isn’t it? First you were drunk, and then I was with El. Any more you want to say?”
“Lou, please, just calm down.”
“Calm down? You tell me you slept with someone else, and you expect me to calm down? While I was sat at home waiting for you to come in after the party, you were out there probably grinding on his spurring on his dirty fantasies about you.”
“Lou, it wasn't like that, he kissed me and I kissed back then one thing led to another.”
“And at no point during that did you think ‘hang on I'm in a relationship’ and put a stop to it? I bet you didn't even care, I bet all you thought about was getting off and you didn't care how it happened or who it was with.”
“Lou, please, I don't want to lose you.”
"I asked you if there was any chance of anything happening between you for my own peace of mind and you said no. And do you know what? I believed you because I trusted you. Guess I was wrong. You lost me the moment you jumped into bed with him."
"Lou, come on, you don't mean that, you're not thinking."
"Not thinking? Ha, you've got a cheek, buddy. How could I possibly think straight right now? If this was the other way around would you be able to think straight? Think about it, someone else touching me, sucking my dick, fucking me, making me moan, could you think straight?" Louis wasn't even crying, he was too far past that, all he was feeling now was raw anger and jealousy.
"Stop." Harry clenched his jaw, Louis was pushing all the buttons to make him angry.
“Poor Harry Styles, everyone hates me, I can’t do anything without people judging me.” Louis spoke in a mocking voice. “Do you ever stop and think about anyone else?” Louis words make Harry stop and think, was he actually hearing these things coming from Louis mouth?
“You know that’s not true, you know how much I care about you!”
“Then why did you sleep with someone else? I just don't understand Harry. You say you're sorry but you came home after that party, or rather after you fucked nick, and pretended that everything was fine, like nothing had happened. I asked you if it was a good night and all you said was 'yeah, it was ok', so, he obviously wasn't that good. I hope he was worth it, I hope he was worth throwing away a four year relationship over. ”
“Do you know what? He was better than you.” Harry moved in front of Louis’ face until they could feel each other’s breathing, he couldn't stop his words until it was too late; Louis had riled him up to the point of breaking. "I always thought you gave the best blowjobs but the way he sucked my dick, man, he blew my mind. And the way is hands felt on me, it was electrifying." He regretted his words but there was nothing he could do about them now.
“Get out.” Louis stared at Harry, no emotion on his face.
“Lou, I didn't mean it. I-” He tried to kiss Louis again but Louis pushed him away, harder than before.
“I can’t look at you right now, just get out I need time to think.” Louis felt physically sick; he wanted Harry out of his sight and out of their house.
“Please.” Harry began sobbing again; he wanted to work everything out with Louis. Louis just pointed at the door, he was too broken to speak. Harry turned and walked out leaving Louis in his wake. Louis fell to the tiled floor of the kitchen and began weeping into his knees, his sobs echoed through the empty kitchen.
Louis heard Harry's phone vibrate on the side, he picked it up and read the screen:
“Text from Nick:
Hey there pop star! Fancy popping over for a few drinks? Collette brought new flutes and wants to try them out! xxx”
Louis felt the anger rising in him again. He launched the phone across the kitchen as he let out a scream; the phone hit one of the cupboards on the opposite side and bounced back. Louis felt broken, the only thing that could fix him was Harry, but he couldn't bear to see him. He’d lost a part of him and he didn't know whether he wanted it back.