Archive of Our Own

"You got your boyfriend a vacuum…" Ningning pauses before she raises her hand with an upturned brow. She starts waving it in a slow circle towards Renjun’s general direction.

"It's a roomba!" Renjun raises the box for the two loitering on his couch to see but Ningning's face hasn't changed from disappointed while Minjeong tries hard to look enthusiastic.

"They're practical." Renjun shakes the box, pressing his ear to it when it rattles. "Y'know, Mark works a lot! He's busy. He told me him and his roommate vacuum once a month-"

"Gross." Ningning cringes and Minjeong shoves her knee for interrupting.

"It's a good gift." Renjun reassures. The pair of girls on his couch look between themselves before Minjeong smiles. "It's a nice gift."

"Is that all you got him?" Ningning questions while squinting to read the packaging.

"These are expensive. I can't afford anything else."

"Bad 200 dollar gift if you dump the guy eventually." Ningning nods while looking toward Minjeong for her agreement.

"What the hell, I'm not gonna dump him! He's cute. I really like him…" Renjun hugs the roomba to his chest and sighs. "I wanted to get him something nice and useful. He's my first, not deadbeat boyfriend, with an actual salary job. He's not some guy I have to drive around to his part time or drop off at his mom's house."

"Oh yeah, you're finally having standards in your men."

Renjun squints at the two. Ningning smiles while Minjeong hides a small giggle.

"I don't get why you bought him something that pricey if the point you're making is he can afford nice things on his own?"

"My point is, I should get him something that meets his standard! Like a mature gift. To show him I'm mature."

"Wow." Minjeong looks away in a slow nod.

"I think you're killing Christmas Renjun." Ningning gestures to the clunky box. "This box is neither fun, cute or sexy, which are all a Renjun staple. This is not a Renjun gift. Where's the adorable homemade stuff you conjure up every year. I want my little Christmas fairy who makes everyone cookies and uses way too much glitter on Christmas cards."

"Yeah, I have to agree with Ningning. I think what you usually do is just fine, Renjun." Minjeong adds.

Okay, so the roomba isn't a fun gift. Maybe it's fun watching it roll around the room for the first 10 minutes before the magic dies. Renjun is aware he's toned it down this year but what else was he supposed to get?

Renjun and Mark have been dating for four months. They met during Renjun’s internship over the summer. Mark was a normal employee and writer at the game company Renjun worked at. Renjun didn’t intend to have a thing for him, especially after everyone in his program made a point to gawk over Mark being the "hottest mentor". Renjun actively pretended he couldn't care less. He was professional, he needed to make good connections in the industry. He was not desperately into Mark like everyone else, no matter how nice his cheekbones are or how thoughtful he is everytime he orders Renjun his favorite dessert from the cafe nearby during their lunch breaks.

Renjun nearly did it too, after three months of actively ignoring the inciting image of Mark Lee, Renjun was finally heading out the doors of the goodbye party with no regrets.

It wasn't until he was standing outside for the last time, opening his car door when Mark came jogging over to him in the parking lot.

Renjun replays the moment to this day because he still has trouble believing the words were real.

"I don't know what I'm doing." Mark laughs, eyes shifty and one leg fidgeting. "You probably noticed. I just- People say I'm obvious and I know it's a bad idea to go out with interns in the program when I was a mentor but, you're not one anymore- so I was thinking- if you maybe want to, y'know?"

Mark watches expectantly and Renjun stares like he has no idea what Mark is saying.

"What… What's going on?"

"Oh. I'm asking you on a date?"

Renjun stands stunned for what must be a handful of minutes by the uneasy way Mark shifts in place.

"You like me?" Renjun points to himself absolutely baffled. Mark stares in disbelief before he bends to fall over on Renjun’s shoulder in a fit of laughter.

Renjun didn't think it was obvious. When Mark retells his point of view of that summer, his stomach feels butterflies. Mark has always been looking at him. He was too lost in his own head to notice.

Renjun groans, sitting down on the couch beside his friends, pressing his face into the cardboard box. "He's so cute." Renjun whispers.

"You're really into this guy?" Minjeong pats his back.

"Yes. It's embarrassing. I can't believe I bought him a roomba." Renjun groans again. "This is so stupid."

"Oh, cheer up Junnie." Ningning joins in on rubbing his back too. "Last I remember seeing him, he was super obsessed with you anyway, but I don't think it's ever too late to throw in a little fun side present! He'll like the vacuum thing or whatever, but let's think up something exciting."

"Like?" Renjun lifts his head from the box to look at both his friends pondering the thought.

"Aren't you spending Christmas Eve together next Saturday?" Minjeong points.

Her and Ningning have a mental pause before they chorus an 'ooo' and softly hitting one another.

"Are you thinking about it too?"

"Oh, we are definitely thinking about the same thing."

"Am I missing something?" Renjun looks between them as they giggle.

"Renjun the dress. Please, please. I know you don't have the old one, but imagine." Ningning shakes him but Renjun only looks back at her in complete horror.

"No. No no no- A million times no!"

Renjun has flashbacks to Christmas two years ago. The one he spent angry and single. Renjun that year had a boyfriend, that was up until a week before Christmas. The week of Christmas said 'boyfriend' decided to cheat on him. Renjun still remembers the giant weighted cat plushie Minjeong got him as a gift that year being very helpful. He spent the entire day either crying into or punching it. He was going to dress up the night they were supposed to meet for Christmas. Renjun in retrospect didn't like the guy that badly but his pride was still shattered and he hated the idea he even considered putting on something so good for an asshole who didn't deserve it. The whole thing went up in flames. Literally, when Ningning suggested it'd be fun, as they went out back in his yard to burn it.

"But you look so good in it!" Minjeong adds.

"I'm never doing that again."

"This is so devastating. No man will ever get to see it, in all its beautiful glory." Minjeong pretends to pout and cry while Ningning behind her 'boo's.

"Bring back slutty santa Renjun, we want her. We need her!" Ningning adds and Minjeong holds back her laugh to chant along.

"Oh my god." Renjun rubs his temples as the pair continue to egg him on. "No- guys come on!"

"You're destroying Christmas, Jun. You're ruining it for me and Minjeong. First the roomba and now you're denying the world of Huang Renjun in the slutty santa dress. There are no Christmas miracles." Ningning pretends to cry into Minjeong's shoulder as Minjeong pats her and shakes her head in somber. Both of them playing into the act only makes Renjun’s flimsy resolve weaker.

"Alright- oh my god. Okay, let's just say if I do it! What if he's not into it?"

Ningning looks up from Minjeong's arm like Renjun claimed pigs could fly. "Impossible, unreasonable question. Next concern."

"I'm serious! It could happen, I don't really know what he's into…"

Ningning and Minjeong all but 'coo' at Renjun’s shy reaction. Mark and him are somewhat long distance. It's not like he doesn't want to sleep with his boyfriend, they just don't see each other enough. Besides the weekends they do, Renjun can't bring himself to get them further than the excessive making out or maybe if he's brave he'll subtly slip a hand down Mark's jeans. They talk about it. Mark says he doesn't want to rush Renjun into anything but Renjun rather wished Mark made the first move. Renjun wants it, can't admit it and doesn’t have the confidence to get them all the way there himself.

Hence, the slutty santa dress in an overnight Christmas scenario; there is an obvious outcome to it. If Renjun puts it on for Mark, he almost believes it'll feel desperate of the want he's been trying to keep under wraps for the couple of months they've been together. Of course he really likes Mark, but he can't be horribly obvious about that. Then there's the off chance Mark and him don't get far enough in the night even with the whole package, dress and everything. That'd be catastrophically humiliating too.

"Okay let's just consider your options. Look at this one guys." Ningning was already scrolling through dresses. Minjeong adds an 'ooo' for dramatic effect and Renjun peeks to look.

"That one's… kinda cute." Renjun whispers and the two on his couch smile at each other before they tug him closer to the screen.

Renjun won't buy one. He'll just look a little. He most definitely will not buy one.

When Renjun is at work during his lunch break that Saturday, there's a notification on his phone. His package has arrived. How embarrassing.

Renjun against his better judgment ordered a skimpy santa dress, stockings, and panties, the whole ensemble. A very bad and impulsive decision. He's mentally slapping his head because he could not believe he would cave so easily to the idea. Although the one he did buy was a good deal-

"Stupid." Renjun really hits his forehead this time. He's about to go back to continuing his sandwich when he gets another buzz on his phone.

Markie 💙:

🥺 junnieeeeee i miss you :'((((((((((

Renjun has to take a moment. He brings his phone to his face and lets out as quiet of a squeal that he can.

He's so cute. Renjun quickly composes himself, bites down his smile and replies.

Not too much. Renjun mutters, pocketing his phone and closing his eyes to erase the perfect mental image of Mark in his head. He can't risk being too clingy or it'll only backfire on him.

"You're in denial." Ningning points over her coffee as Renjun and her are walking out the cafe after work.

"You're gonna put the dress on tonight, I'm already betting on it, and you're going to take sexy little pictures in your room. And then you're going to send them to us."

"Shut up." Renjun shoves her. He was maybe thinking about doing that but he's annoyed how spot on she can be. Is he that easy to read?

"Even if I try it on, it doesn't mean I will wear it for Mark on Christmas."

"Oh Junnie, you're far too late to be saying that."

Renjun scoffs at her all knowing tone. Renjun ignores her from this point on because he's now not going to do what she says since she said it.

Once he gets home he pretends he forgot about it, only opens the package once he's washed up for the night. He acts disinterested and holds up the outfit to himself in the mirror just to imagine.

Would I look good in this? It's kinda cute.

Renjun throws the dress back on his bed. He stares at it, paces away only to come back and pick it up.

It won't take long… I'll try it on quickly and go to bed.

He's putting on the dress and then he's finding his boxers peek underneath if he turns a little too fast. He's slipping those off to replace them with the white lingerie. He can't tell how nice it looks if he doesn't wear it right. Renjun convinces himself of that statement as he's rolling on the thigh high stockings and clipping garters onto it.

The last piece is the little clip in his hair. Renjun turns to his full length mirror and stares.

"Oh, I do look good."

His legs look nice, it really compliments his figure. Renjun reaches for the fuzzy shawl reluctantly to wrap himself up and eventually he's grabbing his phone.

They're so good. Renjun swipes through his gallery of selfies and mirror pictures he took, and he hates admitting it but Ningning was right. He's not giving her the satisfaction though.

Renjun opens Minjeong's contact instead and hits send.

He gets Minjeong's string of keyboard mashing first before he gets Ningning's with an offensive "How could you not send them to ME!! You whore!!!"

The next thing Renjun knows, the notifications on his phone erupt. Ningning and Minjeong sing praises like Christmas came early and Renjun can't lie and say it doesn't go to his head.

Renjun imagines Mark. His eyes are already watchful of everything Renjun does normally but Mark tends to put up a strong act of modesty over those gazes. Renjun would mistake Mark for being too kind to have anything but innocent affection but Renjun knows better on how much his boyfriend holds back. Mark’s unfiltered desire is rare. Renjun wants to know if he can bring a little bit of it out.

Renjun:

Would it be a bad idea to send just one pic to my bf rn?

Ningning:

jun… yes. what happened to surprising him for christmas

Renjun:

I didn't agree to that yet

Ningning:

you're literally in the slutty santa costume as we speak!!!

you're still in denial!!!

Minjeong:

jun, it's better as a surprise!

Renjun:

…

okay but wait if, hear me out. i send it right now, right.

and he doesn't seem interested

then i wont have to wear it next weekend and embarrass myself then

Ningning:

… at ur core, you are a man

stupid

don't! send! him! any! pics!

i swear to god jun

Renjun stares at Ningning's message. He was really considering listening to her, maybe she did have a point. Who would hate this as a surprise. He should wait. Renjun puts his phone down only to blink at the ceiling.

Ningning is going to be so mad at him.

Renjun already has Mark’s messages open, indecisively scrolling through his camera roll to add an image. Some are too much while others are not enough. He doesn't want to outright send what are borderline nudes but something cute, a little tasteful. Renjun hops on his bed before dragging the mirror over. He shuffles on his knees, poses and lifts the skirt of his dress just enough.

His actions only set in after he's already clicked send.

He can't believe he did that.

Mark is going to open his phone and see the image of him trying desperately to look cute and sexy in what is a glorified slutty santa costume.

Renjun lets it all sink in before he tells Ningning and Minjeong. Their reactions are appropriate to yell at him.

Renjun doesn’t even mind them two when the real panic sets in as he's lying in bed in dread of the reply from his boyfriend.

Did he like it? What is he going to do when he sees it? What will he say?

After an hour Renjun only has feelings of regret, along with shame when there's no reply.

"He's sleeping. Probably. I was too late." Renjun whispers to himself, face red and gut wrenched in nerves as he undresses and tucks himself into the covers.

Renjun shuts his eyes tight and thinks about everything but the outcome of his dumb decisions.

Renjun stirs to the sound of knocking on his front door. It's still dark outside and he squints at the wall clock in his room before reluctantly shuffling out of the bed. It's an ungodly hour of the night, why would any body-

"Renjun!"

Hold on. He's not imagining that voice.

"Oh my god." Renjun scurries for the front door and clicks it open as fast as his hands can.

He's there. Mark. He yanks his beanie off, white snow falling into his scalp. Renjun didn’t even know it started snowing tonight till now.

"What are you…"

"Hi. Um, did I wake you up?"

Renjun nods, peeking around outside his apartment before stepping aside to gesture Mark in.

"Thanks, I mean. It's really cold out there and I was out there for a while-"

"Mark…" Renjun watches as his boyfriend peels off his jacket, cheeks red, breathing heavy.

"Ha…" Mark runs his hands through his hair as he slides his shoes off, looking between the walls and Renjun’s face. "I seriously don't know what's wrong with me." He whispers. "I don't know why I'm here."

"You don't?" Renjun’s brows furrow as he rubs at his eyes. He's still trying to wake up from his short-lived sleep that was abruptly interrupted.

"I mean- I do but-" Mark all but sighs and Renjun moves closer to pat his head and shake off bits of snow. Mark smiles, laughs softly before leaning his forehead onto Renjun’s shoulder.

"You're gonna think I'm crazy."

"Why would I think that?" Renjun lets his fingers comb through Mark's hair as he breathes in his scent. Mark smells subtly of shampoo, maybe cologne and clean clothes.

"Okay, so that picture."

"Picture?" Renjun nods like he understands but he's a little too sleepy to fully comprehend the words.

"I saw it. God, it's. It's- you're- I don't know. I just grabbed my keys and before I knew it I was an hour out of state and in yours. I couldn't turn back by then, I was already closer to your place than mine. I shouldn't have drove the three hours when I work tomorrow night but I couldn't not see you after that. I probably sound like such a perv but I think I'd pull my hair out for a week if I couldn't come see you…"

Renjun blinks, quietly letting the words settle in his head. His train of thought is slow, only to come barreling through his calm to slap sense into him.

"The picture." Renjun fumbles in horror, backing away from Mark. "I sent it to you- I thought you didn't see it. I thought you went to bed."

Mark and Renjun stare, their explanations laid out to air the room until Renjun breaks the awkwardness first.

"Wait. You drove to see me immediately after I sent that."

"I-" Mark embarrassingly covers his face and Renjun must boil into the color red as he gnaws on the inside of his cheek.

"I can leave." Mark turns towards the door and Renjun tugs after him, blooming into laughter.

"What were you thinking?" Renjun squeezes him in a bone crushing hug so he can't escape and Mark yelps when he's dragged by Renjun to his room close by the entrance.

Mark squirms when Renjun finally gets him to his bed, forcing him to sit and Renjun joins him.

"Okay- Okay, I was thinking…" Mark mutters, avoiding Renjun’s mischievous little grin. "About you."

"Is that so?" Renjun scoots closer, curling his fingers over Mark’s jeans.

"I wanted to see if it was real." Mark breathes. "Or if I missed you enough to dream the whole thing up."

"Oh?" Renjun stares back when Mark finally looks at him, eye's tracing his face.

"Is that something you'd normally dream about?" Renjun shoots his shot at the question that's been itching his brain.

Mark’s gaze wanders over his features like he's trying to find the reply in Renjun.

"Yeah." lifts a hand to trace Renjun’s cheek. "I wouldn't say it's very far from it."

Renjun crawls closer, Mark reaches for Renjun’s waist and tugs until the space between them is practically nonexistent. Mark moves first, lips a tad too excited and almost missing Renjun’s mouth before he finds his way.

Renjun climbs onto Mark's lap, needily grasping for his shirt and kissing hard until his head starts spinning and he's practically seeing colors.

"I can't believe you're here." Renjun grazes his fingers up and down Mark's scalp. "You're crazy. You really want me so bad, huh?"

Renjun meant it as a tease. He didn't expect Mark to pull away to seriously admit it. "I really really do."

"Mark." Renjun fumbles, shoving him away slightly.

"I meant it, I'm not joking!" Mark tries to smile when Renjun flushes, folding in on himself.

"I can't believe putting on that santa dress was what it took you to say that." Renjun covers his face and Mark's scowl goes crooked.

"I mean- I've always wanted you. Do I have to say it?"

"Yes." Renjun nods to answer but he still can't look at his boyfriend straight. "Please tell me. I can't tell when you don't say anything."

"Oh. I didn't realize."

"I know. You say it's obvious you like me, but it wasn't to me. You have to tell me." Renjun whispers, staring at anything but Mark. His insecurities are through the roof. He didn't even expect the confession from himself.

"Junnie." Mark mutters.

"It's fine. I mean, I know now-"

"I really like you." Mark announces in one quick breath. "I should say it more."

Renjun finally looks at him and nods shyly. "I know you tend to say less, in case you say something wrong. But please say everything on your mind about me to me."

Renjun knows that idea isn't always good but Renjun hates not knowing. Ignorance is a curse to his curious head.

"Jun- I think about you all the time. Probably too much."

"How much?" Renjun plays with Mark’s collar as he fumbles over the words.

"I probably type twenty messages a day that I want to send you but I alway delete them except for one. I'm trying not to come off as, what Donghyuck says is 'down bad and pathetic'."

Renjun snorts before peppering a kiss on the corner of his lips.

"That's so cute." Renjun plays with the hair on his neck while moving to kiss below his jaw. "You should just send them."

"I would look like I'm obsessed with you if I did that. It wouldn't be like every hour. Probably every half hour maybe. I'm trying very hard not to scare you off."

"Okay but did you ever consider I like guys who are obsessed with me?" Renjun tries to control himself when he's tempted to suck a hickey onto Mark’s neck.

"That's bull Jun, you hate it. You even told me you like guys who don't chase after you."

Renjun bites the inside of his cheek and shakes his head. "You're right. Maybe I just secretly like the idea of you being obsessed with me though?"

"Well you don't have to wish for that. I already am." Mark’s fingers trace along Renjun’s thigh before squeezing his calf that's curled beside his leg.

Renjun’s breathing feels erratic and unsteady as Mark pulls them for another kiss, hot and wet. Renjun sucks his tongue and Mark groans when Renjun let's go with a pop.

"Fuck. I know it's late but-"

"But what?" Renjun breathes into his mouth. Impatient for the answer so he can kiss him again.

"Can I see you in it- the dress."

"Oh." Renjun sits back on his thighs and Mark's face is a very visibly red. "The slutty santa dress?"

"Fuck- yeah that… Do you always call it that?"

"What else would I call it?" Renjun climbs out of Mark’s lap with a sly smile plastered all over his face before scurrying to his closet. "I'll put it on. Close your eyes."

"Oh shit, yeah. Right now- okay..." Mark curses under his breath before putting a hand to his face. "I can't see now."

"Okay, I'll tell you when." Renjun throws off his hoodie then his shorts, slipping on the dress over his head. "This was supposed to be your Christmas gift actually. If y'know, didn't show up at my door in the middle of the night."

"My bad." Mark pauses. "I don't even know what to tell Donghyuck tomorrow about why I left."

"You were horny." Renjun slides on the lace panties and Mark groans.

"Well… I was- yeah." Mark sighs in defeat. "I swear I've never done anything like that before."

"I'm kinda flattered that a single picture of me could get you that worked up." Renjun finishes dressing, clipping the puffy collar over his neck, slowly inching back towards Mark on the bed.

"You always get me worked up." Mark blurts out and Renjun amidst climbing onto Mark’s lap again, stares like he misheard it.

"I do?" Renjun swears Mark never seemed that interested when they spend their weekends alone.

"I'm glad you can't tell."

"I never noticed."

"Pretty sure the thing in my pants makes it obvious."

"Oh." Renjun sits on his lap, legs thrown over the side, overly aware now. Renjun tries not to feel him up, subtly shifting.

"Eyes." Renjun mutters, grabbing the hand away from Mark’s face. Mark gives his hand to Renjun easily and blinks until his eyes readjust to the light.

Mark scans Renjun from the top of his head, down, stopping around his waist for a minute before he glances slowly over his legs.

"Wow- your…. wow."

"Is that the only word you know 'wow'?" Renjun laughs.

"Sorry. The situation I'm in isn't exactly ideal for me to use critical thinking." Mark murmurs as he wraps an arm over Renjun’s waist. "You're so attractive. And I've always thought you were the prettiest boy I've ever seen."

Renjun stares, eye's blown wide and expectant of more praise. "Yeah?"

"I uh- I'm really turned on if you want to hear that. Like really, really- I don't think I've been so turned on in my life-"

Renjun lifts a hand to cover his mouth, ears burning at the sudden transparency. "That's- Jesus- you're being really honest now, aren't you?"

"You told me to be." Mark mutters it into his palm so it comes out far more incomprehensible but Renjun still understood it.

Renjun uncovers his mouth and laughs. "I did. Tell me more please. You spent a three hour drive thinking about me, right?"

"Yeah-" Mark breathes when Renjun scoots closer to his face, an arm over his shoulder. Mark’s eye's wander to Renjun's other hand that feels up his pec, and he nervously swallows.

"Mark?" Renjun calls out for his attention and Mark nods.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you the whole drive here." Mark inches his face closer as well, his free hand that was grasping Renjun’s sheets tightly, it moves around Renjun. Mark gestures to him to lift himself up and Renjun curiously follows before he gasps when Mark’s hand gropes around his ass for his left thigh.

"Shit." Mark whispers when he squeezes there, flesh melding between his fingers. "You're so much softer than I thought. How are you so soft?" Mark buries his face into the fleece on Renjun’s neck, inhaling the scent there. "Everything smells like you. I always thought it was insane how you smell so nice for a guy. I seriously don't get it."

"Yeah?" Renjun tries not to whimper when Mark feels him up. His heart haywire when he's telling himself to be calm.

"I- fuck. Sorry if this is weird. I genuinely think I could get off on just the scent of you."

"Oh." Renjun swallows. "I- I don't think it's weird." Renjun’s heart hammers through the words on his lips. "Have you ever?"

"Uh…" "You don't have to answer."

Mark falls eerily silent before he buries his face even deeper into Renjun’s collar bone.

"When you sleep over my sheets smell like you, or when you leave clothes…" Renjun can barely catch it but the whisper of words gets him excited.

"Maybe I should leave more?" Renjun mutters through the motions, Mark sharply breathes into his skin, hands still relentless on holding Renjun at the softest parts of him.

"You really like teasing me, don't you?" Mark laughs.

"I do." Renjun bites his lips contemplating the words. "I think you're a little too perfect, too much sometimes."

Mark scoffs with no real bite. "I'm not."

"I know. I never get to see it though."

Renjun pushes at Mark for him to lift his head and he does so reluctantly. Renjun tries to sit up but Mark’s grip remains unmoving and Renjun frowns.

"Sorry, I'm not letting you out of my lap." Mark presses a kiss to Renjun's nose.

"I wasn't going to leave." Renjun whines for a kiss on the lips and Mark gives in within seconds.

Renjun tries desperately to keep a clear mind when Mark’s mouth is on his. It feels like fire against him when Mark gnaws on his bottom lip. It's unusually rough, even for them when it's more teeth than tongue. It's really not pleasant when spit dribbles down his chin, but Mark tells him he's the prettiest like this and suddenly Renjun thinks he'd stay just as he is now to hear that praise again and again.

Mark falls back on the bed first and Renjun follows to lie on top, hips rolling as he spreads his legs over Mark’s center.

The sound from Mark’s lips is so inciting, Renjun’s never heard him make that noise before.

"Fuck- baby." Mark chokes, hands smoothing over Renjun’s thighs. The sudden grip on them is tight before he's grinding up the same way Renjun was pressing down.

Renjun whimpers a high sound from his throat. He grips onto Mark's shoulders to ground himself before he moves at a steady pace with Mark. The friction keeps the both of them relentless. The noises in Renjun’s apartment are nothing but the shallow sounds from their lips and the rustle of the sheets.

"Baby-" Renjun whispers breathless. "Did you bring anything?"

"No- fuck, I left so quick- I didn't think…"

"It's okay." Renjun stops shifting on his knees to kiss Mark slowly, just before he sits up. "I should have condoms-" Renjun’s voice catches as he looks at Mark below him, his blue hair a mess and fanning over his pillows. Renjun’s stomach coils and he looks away. "I have everything. Wait here."

"Okay." Mark whispers the words, slowly letting Renjun crawl off from his embrace.

Renjun in a dazed state is sifting through his cabinets, hands jitter and shaking as he drops his box of magnums. "Fuck." Renjun doesn't know why he's so nervous now.

Renjun has slept with plenty of guys, sleeping with Mark isn't theoretically anything new. Renjun blows air through his lips before haphazardly grabbing a bottle and closing the bathroom door.

Mark is where he left him, hand running through his hair when Renjun comes over to the bedside to place his things.

Renjun climbs back on the sheets with Mark, the lube bottle in his palm as he shifts to get on top of Mark’s lap again.

"Fuck- my underwear."

"Oh, do you need-"

"Yeah can you just, let me lean on you." Renjun gestures for Mark to sit up and come close.

Renjun gets up on his knees, a hand on Mark's shoulder and lifts his skirt to reveal lace panties, Mark must not have known they were there cause his eyes go impossibly wide at the image.

"Something wrong?" Renjun laughs.

"No, I just- were you wearing those the whole time?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"No reason." Renjun watches Mark’s swallow awfully slow.

"Do you want to…?" Renjun gestures to them and Mark looks petrified by the question.

"Take them off?" Renjun nudges Mark cheek.

"Me? Are you sure?"

"Who else?" Renjun giggles just before he nods and Mark nods back. Mark is lifting both his hands to the waistband, fingers gently slip underneath and Mark watches with lidded eyes as the thin material cupping Renjun’s dick lowers, it catches at the plump of Renjun’s thigh before Renjun finally slips them off his legs entirely.

"You okay?" Renjun smiles at Mark's far away look in his eyes.

"I'm- I'm just coming to realize how painfully attracted I am to you right now." Mark lowers his head exasperated by the moment. "We haven't done anything yet but I'm nervous."

"Me too." Renjun holds out his hand for Mark to see, it's moving in an restless jitter and Mark smiles before taking it in on his own to bring to his lips.

"I didn't think you were nervous at all."

"Are you joking?" Renjun huffs, forehead bumping Mark’s. "You make me feel crazy."

"Yeah?" Mark rubs their noses and Renjun giggles at the contact.

"Yeah." Renjun repeats, hitting Mark at his chest. "Maybe I'm a little obsessed with you too…"

"Woah- wait. What did you say? Can you say that again for me?" Mark grins, voice full and Renjun shoves him.

"Shut up. You heard me." Renjun peppers small kisses on his cheek. "I try so hard not to like you so much." Renjun's words are a touch shaky as he keeps kissing slowly. "You don't make it easy for me. I would hate it if I end up liking a guy more than he likes me."

"Why's that?" Mark turns his head a smidge for Renjun to kiss his mouth and Renjun rolls his eyes before pressing there softly.

"It's harder on me when we break up. When we fight. When they fuck me and I'm the only who's 'too emotional' and 'clingy' because I ask for more out of everything." Renjun knocks their heads and laughs with all air and no sound to hide his anxiety.

"Do you feel like that with me?"

"I don't know yet. No?" Renjun shrugs. "I haven't asked you for anything."

"I noticed that." Mark runs his fingers over Renjun’s figure wrapped in soft red silk. "I don't think you have to worry about being the one to like me more than I like you. Just saying."

"You don't know that." Renjun laughs.

"You're seriously underestimating how much I'm into you. It's immeasurable. Like, I'm so sure my therapist is tired of hearing about it."

"Oh my god." Renjun laughs in disbelief.

"That was a joke." Mark mutters but it sounds half true.

"Maybe we should talk less." Renjun reaches yet again for the lube and nearly drops it before Mark swiftly catches it.

"I don't know, I kinda like what we had going on. I like hearing you be honest."

"I can't be both emotionally and physically vulnerable right now." Renjun spread his thighs, trying to get the bottle back from Mark, only to clumsily hit it out of his hand.

"I can do it for you. If you want?" Mark mutters, picking it up and playing with the cap of the bottle.

"Can you?" Renjun leans over his shoulder as Mark coats his fingers.

"So um, have you been with a lot of guys?"

"Really, Mark?" Renjun squeezes his eyes at the feeling in his backside. "Right now?

"Sorry- I didn't mean it like- I just wanted to know how many guys you let do this."

"I don't usually let guys. I'd rather do it myself. You're a second. The first time was horrible."

"Oh. Am I better?"

"Mhm. Lots." Renjun has to stop every nerve in his body threatening to rock his hips against Mark's fingers.

"You're so cute." Mark mutters, pressing a kiss onto Renjun’s cheek. "Sorry if this sounds lame, I just- I feel so lucky you're mine. I've been so happy for months since I met you."

Renjun didn't think his uneasiness could get any worse but Mark makes the hammering in-between his ribcage unbearable. He feels like his body is nothing left but jello and flimsy limbs.

"Um, sorry if that was weird to say right now-"

"No- It's… it's sweet. Maybe it's a little much when you're three knuckles deep in me."

"I'll pick my moments better…" Mark whispers but Renjun grins before nuzzling his face.

"I'm happy too."

Mark makes a little sound from his throat that Renjun can only assume his response made Mark giddy.

"I think that's good, I'm ready, Mark." Renjun sits up and Mark slips out his fingers to wipe against a towel on the bedside. Renjun’s fluffy shawl still wrapped over him, he tosses over onto the ground and Mark watches curiously as the material falls.

"Are you colder without?"

"It's fine, I'll get really warm soon."

"Ah… yeah- oh." Mark sputters on the words as if he assumed everything they've done so far would stop here.

"Lay down, baby?" Renjun coaxes Mark with two hands to his chest, gently pushing him back. Renjun reaches for the zipper at his jeans first before Mark stops him, insisting he'd rather Renjun not do it.

"I- I don't think I can let you touch me yet or I'll lose my mind."

"Would it be that bad?" Renjun pouts but Mark effectively looks away to ignore his stare.

Mark is fumbling his jeans open, then slipping his fingers inside his own waistband. Renjun watches with keen eyes and Mark has to pause throughout the slow movements to insist Renjun stop looking at him like that.

"Cute, you're so red."

"Jun please. You're killing me."

"Then hurry up and take your dick out."

Mark frowns with a disgruntled noise that only makes Renjun want to tease him more.

Renjun has another poke to Mark's pride on the tip of his tongue but Mark’s fingers finally work out his cock from his boxers and Renjun shuts his mouth to blatantly stare.

"What?"

"Nothing." Renjun looks away.

"You look like you wanna say something?" Mark is uncapping the lube, reaching for the table at the bedside to rip open a condom. He's doing this all while Renjun adamantly looks at the lights on his wall or rather any other part of Mark below him rather than his pelvis.

"No… I mean."

"Yeah?"

"You're just- big…" Renjun embarrassingly whispers and Mark stops moving to look up at him.

Mark doesn’t say anything. He adamantly stares and Renjun squirms at the prolonged eye contact.

"I take it back. I never said that."

"No… what the hell. You can't just call me big and take it back."

"Then don't just gawk at me when I do." Renjun groans.

"Sorry! What is somebody supposed to say to that? 'Thanks for saying I'm big, now I'm even harder after that'?"

Renjun snorts before hitting Mark’s shoulder. "You're so stupid."

"I'm trying to say the first things that come to mind more. Actually- I don't even think I'm trying. Everything feels like a dream and my filter has been thrown out along with my sanity."

"Sorry if that's my fault."

"It's okay, you make me insane but in a good way, I think?"

Renjun nods before looking back down at Mark's fingers still holding his length between them. Renjun shifts to hover over at a better angle and Mark silently takes his cue as Renjun lowers himself.

Renjun goes slow, Mark hands bundle up his skirt to reach underneath to perch at his thighs. Renjun struggles initially and Mark insists Renjun doesn’t have to take all of him if he can't. Renjun scoffs at Mark like it's an insult.

"You're just…"

"What?" Renjun frowns when Mark shifts his eyes.

"Your body feels so small. When I hold you. Just' kinda makes me nervous."

"Does it bother you?"

"No- thinking about you being small-" Mark turns to hide in Renjun’s pillow. "It makes me feel like I'll break you or I don't know…" Mark sighs, contemplating if he should open his mouth or not. "You called me big earlier. And now I'm thinking, you're so small- like your body, so…"

Mark gestures with his hand to emphasize it and Renjun would normally be offended by it in any other scenario but Renjun leans over top of Mark with a knowing smirk.

"Mhm, does it turn you on? The idea of my small body taking all of you?" Renjun swivels his hips slowly and Mark sucks in air through his nose.

"Yeah." Mark admits. "Sorry-"

"Please don't apologize so much." Renjun kisses his mouth to shut him up. "Just- I like it too. Not when other people call me small. Just you. Specifically in this scenario. If you want to?"

"I- okay…" Mark goes quiet, adjusting himself and Renjun rocks onto Mark within the motions. Renjun whimpers and Mark kisses the sound away.

"You're so small in my hands."Mark breathes deeply in-between his sentences. "I could fit both my hands over your waist or cover the entire span of your thigh." Mark moans when Renjun shifts his body back and forth to make the slide easier.

"Yeah?" Renjun smiles into the material of Mark’s shirt, the grip on his sleeves could probably stretch the cotton.

Renjun eventually stops moving when he shimmies himself full. The fit is tight and Mark rubs Renjun’s thighs in circles with his thumbs as he waits for him.

"So full." Renjun buries his face even more into Mark. Renjun oddly doesn't want to move. "I'm actually kinda scared."

"Why? Are you okay?" Mark searches Renjun for any discomfort but Renjun shakes his head and laughs.

"It feels good, don't worry." Renjun pats Mark’s chest. "I'm still restless, like my hand-"

Mark stares at the shake in Renjun’s fingers. He brings one hand to intertwine his with his own. "It's just me. I'm still nervous too…" Mark rubs at Renjun’s back and Renjun sighs.

"I don't think I've talked this much during sex ever. And we haven't even gotten to the sex part. I'm just full and warm."

"I don't mind it. I could stay like this with you."

"You'd prefer if I just cock warmed you than actual sex?"

"Okay, I didn't say that."

Renjun giggles and Mark smiles at the way Renjun’s shoulders shake as his laughter vibrates throughout the both of them.

"Should we change then? If I'm on top you'll have to give me a bit of time."

"This is fine." Mark mutters a kiss in Renjun’s hair. "Start slow. If we switch I don't know if I'll be able to hold back."

Renjun grins to himself at the words, endeared by Mark's honesty. It's then, he sits up in a better position, an angle that helps him rock on his knees. The movements start small and slow. Initially Renjun is the only noisy one with every slide back home, it punches a gasp out of him. Eventually Renjun gets Mark there, moans in his throat as he's attempting desperately to get his hips to move in rhythm with Renjun against him.

"Junnie-" Mark repeats. He rolls his hips up and Renjun curls in on the pressure to fall back on Mark's chest.

Mark is still trying to get them moving as Renjun catches his breath muttering small apologies.

"A second Mark- baby- give me a second." Mark stops moving. Everything still except the rise of his chest. Renjun closes his eyes momentarily to the feeling before looking towards Mark's face.

"Is there a position you like?" Renjun pokes his cheek to get his attention seeing that Mark is staring up at the ceiling.

"Any that has me in you." Mark blurts out initially but covers his face a second after, cringing at his eagerness. "Sorry- that was- holy shit, I don't know why I said that."

"I might have to do something every time you say sorry to me during sex." Renjun flicks Mark’s cheek and he flinches. "But everything you say is cute to me. It's a little embarrassing but very endearing."

Mark grumbles but Renjun pats his head with a smile.

"Should I pick then? How about I go on all fours?" Mark sounds like he chokes at the mention of the idea so Renjun decides by that reaction it's what he wants.

Renjun slides off and Mark sits up to help Renjun onto his knees.

"Should I keep the dress on?" Renjun points and Mark looks away sheepishly.

"You can take it off, only if you want…"

Ah, Renjun sees. "You almost sound like you prefer the idea of fucking me with it on?"

"I didn't say that."

"Your face does."

"It wasn't obvious to you how much I liked you before but suddenly you can tell what makes me horny?" Mark looks mildly offended and Renjun can't help snorting.

"I was teasing just now! Maybe you did look a little sad at the question when I asked."

"Because I was. I like it on you. You're so cute."

"You know, I almost convinced myself you wouldn't like it and I wasn't going to wear this."

"Thank god you did." Mark whispers and Renjun shoves him with his foot.

"You're so into the costume, would you be into the holiday role-playing?" Renjun grins and Mark, a little too seriously, stops to consider the question.

"I don't actually know…"

"Should I try it?" Renjun lays down on his back for the bit and pulls Mark over him by his neck.

"Have you been naughty?" Renjun tries to commit to the act, whispering in a sultry and honeyed voice but Mark looks like he's holding back an enormous grin.

"What- You're gonna laugh!" Renjun pushes him and Mark falls on the bed beside him in giggles.

"Sorry! Sorry! You're sexy I swear, but the tiny hat on your head makes it so unserious to me. Not to mention the line kinda made me cringe."

"As if you haven't said anything cringier than I just did tonight."

"I know- I know. I thought it was so cute though."

"I wasn't trying to be cute." Renjun pretends to puff air angrily through his nose and Mark rolls back over to hold him.

"I'm sorry, baby. Everything you do is cute to me." Mark squeezes him, talking in a pout that Renjun doesn't appreciate.

"Maybe I don't want to have sex with you anymore." Renjun tries to roll away but Mark’s grip on him gets tighter.

"Liar." Mark spreads his palm securely over Renjun’s hips and presses his body into his backside.

Renjun gasps when Mark grinds. The indent of Mark’s cock is hard through the fabric at the back of his skirt. Mark seems to be looking for the dip of Renjun’s ass through the material but Renjun impatiently takes the liberty to lift the silk up from between him. Mark cusses as he realizes what Renjun is trying.

"Damn it, Jun. The condom- I'm taking it off- but only if that's-"

"Yes, please." Renjun is quick to reply like the answer didn't need any more thought to it. He's not thinking. He's only thinking of feeling all of Mark against him.

Mark immediately rolls off the condom and tosses it for the nightstand. He's haphazardly grabbing the lube too, squeezing some onto his hand. Some of his aim is less desirable when it hits the floor and normally Renjun would scold him but the current Renjun, with nothing but sex at the forefront of his mind couldn't care less. He just insists Mark hurry up. He's quickly coating his length just before he presses in-between the plush of flesh to starts rutting bare into Renjun’s ass. Renjun whines at the relief of nothing standing between them.

Mark lifts Renjun’s thigh to spread before throwing it over his own leg while Renjun brings a hand behind Mark to grab a fist full of his hair.

Renjun doesn’t mind this, he especially doesn't question when the grinding suddenly turns into Mark slipping himself back inside Renjun from behind.

"I- I forgot- we were going to- on your knees-" Mark fumbles the words.

"After this." Renjun insists but he doesn't know if they'll last for an after.

"So fucking pretty." Mark cranes forward to kiss into Renjun’s shoulder blades, just before he bites. Renjun complains it hurts so Mark kisses gently and sucks over the spot. Renjun acts annoyed but secretly he hopes it bruises.

Mark’s hips against his feel short lived when he slows after a couple of minutes. "Can you still get on your knees?"

Renjun groans at Mark stopping, but nods nonetheless, slipping away.

Mark smirks at Renjun, quickly getting onto his hands and knees, with a scowl on his lips as he waits.

"Hurry up, Lee." Practically growls and Mark doesn’t take him seriously when he laughs.

"What are you gonna do if I don't?" Mark flips Renjun’s skirt up over onto his back to reveal Renjun’s ass. Mark presses a kiss onto the round of it before he bites.

Renjun nearly squeals before he tries kicking him away.

"Mark!"

"Joking- joking!" Mark is snickering as he scoots closer to Renjun's backside.

Renjun has a complaint on his lip but Renjun suddenly goes quiet when he feels Mark rubbing the head of his cock against his hole.

"Gonna go." Mark whispers and Renjun nods as Mark starts sliding with ease. The length is an easy take now for Renjun. Mark bottoms out in a mere seconds when Renjun quietly waits for it.

"Good?" Renjun asks. Renjun can't really see him but he can imagine the blissed out expression he has when Mark mutters. "More than good. You feel so tight and warm for me."

"Yeah?" Renjun shifts on his palms forward before he shifts back and Mark lets out a strangled breath.

"Okay- okay- my turn to move." Renjun tenses when Mark leans over Renjun’s backside to hold a hand underneath Renjun’s abdomen. Mark slides out slow, slides back in a tad forceful, and fucks Renjun in a cycle that gradually builds.

Renjun swears the fairy lights in his room are nothing but stars by the way his vision blurs.

Mark is surprisingly rough, Renjun winces when Mark’s one hand on thigh, his fingers dig, it could practically break skin.

Mark eventually lifts the hand to look under Renjun’s skirt for his length before he eventually has it in his palm to simultaneously get Renjun off. Renjun with a couple of pumps easily comes first, some on the sheets but mostly onto Mark's hand.

Mark’s pace eventually gets sloppy, Renjun is close to falling onto his own chest but when Mark whispers he's close Renjun persists to stay upright. When Mark comes, he rocks into Renjun slow, the motions small, but still enough to make Renjun mewl when Mark goes on until he's got nothing left to give.

Mark slips out first, reaching for a towel when Renjun topples over, actively avoiding the wet spots on the bed.

"Woah." Renjun laughs.

"'Woah' as in, 'that was good' or as in 'that was bad'?" Mark uses the rag after to dab at the sheets and it makes Renjun smile.

"Do you really think there was a possibility I didn't like any of that?"

"You complained I talked a lot." Mark sheepishly shrugs but Renjun sits up and tackles him in a hug.

"Shut up, I liked it."

"That makes me happy." Mark grins, unfolding Renjun’s arms over him so Mark can hold him properly by the waist. Mark tilts down for Renjun’s lips and Renjun flutters his eyes, gladly letting Mark lick into his mouth.

"Baby." Mark nuzzles against his face after the kiss.

"I know." Renjun giggles. "Lets clean up, I'll cuddle you after, hm?"

Mark lets Renjun go from his lap, but not without working a kiss or two out of him first.

They both throw the sheets into the wash, switch new ones onto his bed and Renjun cleans himself up underneath the skirt before walking back out to Mark on his phone in Renjun’s bed.

"You're still wearing it." Mark blinks at Renjun on his tiptoes at his closet to grab more pillows and blankets before he tosses them in Mark’s direction.

"Oh yeah." Renjun looks down at himself. "I'll undress in a second."

"Mhm." Mark hums, eyes unleaving Renjun as he bends to pick up his shawl on the floor. Renjun turns back to see Mark's expression.

"Mark." Renjun raises a brow.

"Huh, yeah." Mark lifts his head to look at Renjun’s face rather than his thighs.

Renjun snorts. "Perv."

"I- what-"

"We're not going at it again tonight if that's what you're thinking. It's 3am now." Renjun climbs onto the comforter, crawling towards Mark's feet and up his legs, smiling at the way Mark looks shocked to see him get closer.

"I wasn't thinking that- why are you getting on the bed with the dress on?"

"We can cuddle a little before I take it off."

"Jesus Christ, Jun." Renjun settles into his lap and Mark puts his phone aside to steady hands on his waist instead.

"Something wrong?" Renjun kisses him square on the mouth and Mark blinks his eyes tight before he shakes his head.

Mark puts a hand under the dress to hold his thigh and Mark frowns.

"Are you still not wearing anything underneath?"

"Nope." Renjun pecks his neck.

"And you said you don't want to have sex again tonight?"

"Mhm." Renjun tugs Mark so he can lean back on the bed with him. Renjun proceeds to lay overtop of Mark, taking both of Mark’s hands to rest over Renjun’s bare thighs.

Renjun, satisfied when Mark clings to them, snuggles his face into Mark’s neck and Mark grunts.

"This… this is evil." Mark presses his nose into Renjun’s head.

"We can have sex again after we wake up, before you leave." Renjun hums.

Mark sighs at the bargain but doesn't stop feeling Renjun up either way.

"I almost forgot." Mark smooths a hand over Renjun’s skin. "Thank you."

"For what?" Renjun blinks and looks a smidge up at him.

"Wasn't this my Christmas present?"

"Oh, I guess so." Renjun lets his face fall back before he thinks. "We can do this again next weekend. It kinda doesn't count now cause it's not Christmas yet."

"Shit, really?" Mark sounds unashamed in his excitement and it makes Renjun giggle.

"I got you a real present too. It's kinda boring but practical."

"Oh, that sounds nice?" Mark questions Renjun’s dejected voice so he elaborates.

"I was telling my friends you were too cool to get something lame or homemade." Renjun embarrassingly recalls.

"Wait, you think I'm cool?"

"Well when you ask like that it makes me want to say no, you're a huge dork."

"Okay, ouch. My feelings." Mark sounds like he's pouting so Renjun kisses him.

"I think you're a little out of my league on paper." Renjun counts on his fingers. "You have a real professional job, you're hot, you're nice and everyone likes you. Do you know how many girls over the summer asked me to help them get your number? I wanted nothing to do with you because it'd be a waste to try when I thought for sure you'd never be interested."

"Is that what you thought of me?"

"Yeah, I still do. I don't know, I don't get what you liked about me back then."

"I thought you were adorable." Mark replies earnestly. "Like- I remember the first day. You were wearing this hoodie that made you look so small." Mark gestures with his fingers and Renjun listens quietly with a smile as Mark goes on about him.

"What else did you like?" Renjun scratches Mark’s cheek softly as he flutters his eyes close.

"You seemed so hard working. You didn't really care for my approval as much as other people did but that's funnily why I paid attention to you. You're seriously so thoughtful too like when you remembered my birthday and-"

Mark pauses when he hears Renjun softly snore on his chest. His eyes are shut gently and his cheek is squished cutely against his shirt, it makes Mark silently coo.

Mark shifts as slowly as he possibly can to flick off the lamp on Renjun’s bedside table. He covers up the both of them in a blanket and smiles.

"Goodnight, Junnie." Mark kisses his head. He lifts his finger to flick the little santa hat still clipped in Renjun's hair before he laughs and removes it, petting the spot softly. "Sweet dreams my baby..."