Chapter Text
She first asks you at your place, lounged up against your side like an aquatic cat. She’s reading as you’re on your computer, typing diligently back at Karkat as he goes on about his schooling. He’s been going on about his schooling for over a year now, and although you’ve recommended maybe doing something other than computer science, he steadfastly ignores your gentle prodding.
“Kanaya,” your girlfriend says with her head on your lap, not looking up from her book (The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, ultimate edition). “Why do you insist on keeping your friends as far away from me as possible?”
“I do not,” you counter. You’re lying. You’re a terrible liar. You hope she does not press you.
Rose LaLonde would not be Rose LaLonde if she did not press you. “Are you absolutely certain, Kanaya? You seem to go quite out of your way to make certain that my paths do not cross with, for example, the small bundle of anger you’re currently furiously typing to. Or the sphinx that goes a little heavy on the cat puns. Or how about, and I’m just pulling names out of thin air here, ah, Eridan Ampora?”
“You’re better off without Eridan Ampora in your life.”
She lowers her book slowly, looking up at you with the worst scheming smile you’ve ever seen on her. “But Karkat Vantas and Nepeta Leijon are fine?”
“How do you even know their names?”
“I’m quite capable of doing my own research, dear.”
“You went through my phone, didn’t you?”
“Obviously.”
You sigh, interrupting Karkat with an “Excuse Me For A Moment” so you can give your beautiful and terrible girlfriend your full undivided attention. “Rose LaLonde, I have perfectly good and justified reasons for being hesitant to introduce you to the insanity that can be my other friends. You have met one of them already, and she’s... Technically one of the more well-behaved of the bunch.”
“Are you talking about Terezi?” She quirks an eyebrow.
“Yes. Terezi. I’m talking about Terezi. You know how she can be too, and she’s one of the most orderly. Not really the sweetest or anything, but definitely one of the better-behaved. I can guarantee you’re not going to get along with Eridan, he’s... he’s difficult. They’re all difficult.”
“I’m quite accustomed to difficult people. Have you met my brother, perchance?”
“I know, I know.” She makes this so difficult! It’s all too easy to forget your point, especially when she looks up at you with those lidded eyes. It’s halfway between seductive and puppy dog, 100% extremely dorky, and it makes your boodpusher skip a beat because you’re painfully in love with her. “They’re just. They’re a special kind of difficult.”
“I can take it.” Then she arches her back, lifts herself so that she’s looking at you completely level. There’s a wicked gleam in her eye. “Or is this an indication of something deeper? A part of your life, perhaps, that you feel compelled to keep secret. In the dark, as it were, since you’re so prone to light in all its forms, including but not limited to your bioluminescence as a side effect of your rainbow drinker status? Repressing the true cause of such behavior can be detrimental to your social life. Would you like to talk about it?”
You stare at her. She stares back, a smile on her lips. What do you even say to that? You never know what to say to her psychoanalysis. Or was that sarcasm? It was probably sarcasm. You’re betting it was sarcasm.
Oh god she’s going to start talking again her mouth is opening and you’re so lost.
“All my friends are assholes!” You blurt out. “They’re assholes. Every single one of them. I can’t take them anywhere. They’re all high maintenance and the convoluted web they spin is difficult to navigate because they’re all jerks.”
She stares as you. You stare back. There’s a blush crawling up your face, probably setting off your glow. God damn it, you thought you had that under control.
Lipstick-covered lips press against your cheek. “You’re adorable. I promise, I’m quite adept at handling the most pretentious of pricks. Have you met my brother?”
You groan, but she only kisses you more. “You’re going to regret this eventually.”
“Oh, I highly doubt that.”