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Kevin is standing in the middle of the court when the feeling of loneliness hits him like a freight train. It’s well past midnight and he’s alone at the court. Silence looms over the building like a threat and Kevin can hear his own ragged breathing like it’s being amplified over the court’s speaker system.
After Riko’s death Neil and Andrew stopped coming to late night practices. Kevin promised himself he didn’t need them, Neil had just been there to practice and Andrew was only there to uphold his side of their deal. He didn’t need someone with him all the time anymore. Andrew’s job was done. He stopped Kevin from going back to the nest and their deal had long since ended. He knew that but sometimes he forgot; catching himself going to text Neil to come meet him outside. Sometimes he caught himself looking for a head of blonde hair and a body leaned against the Maserati. Kevin swore he didn’t need anyone but sometimes his heart ached too much to brush off and he questioned if he was meant to be alone forever.
Tossing his racquet to the side Kevin slowly drops to his knees, letting the suffocating feeling of loneliness overtake him. His mind wanders to his time with Andrew before Neil showed up. They were never friends, Kevin and Andrew didn’t have friends. It was against their nature, monsters don’t make friends, or so Kevin thought. Then came Neil and everything he thought he knew was tilted on its head. Andrew and Neil were friends, lovers. They were everything to each other. That meant Kevin was alone again.
Growing up in the nest Kevin didn’t know what lonely was. He didn’t understand that you could be lonely in a room full of people. It wasn’t until he escaped the nest and had to leave Jean behind did he realize the emotion he had been feeling for most of his life had been loneliness.
He often caught himself watching the team and their friendships. Matt and Dan had each other but they also had the rest of the foxes. Allison had Renee and Renee had Andrew. Andrew had Neil and Renee, and even though he would never admit it he had Nicky and Aaron as well. Neil had everyone, except maybe Aaron, though they seemed to tolerate each other more lately. Aaron had Katelyn and Nicky. Nicky had the other foxes, even if he tended to get on everyone’s nerves. That left Kevin on the outskirts.
Sure, he spent time with them. It was hard not to when they basically all lived together but he never felt wanted or needed. He knew his presence wouldn’t be missed if he was to up and leave in the middle of everyone hanging out. If anything they would probably be relieved, Kevin never brought much to the table in terms of conversation. He wasn’t kind like Renee or funny like Matt. He wasn’t loveable like Neil or even tolerable like Nicky. Kevin was the queen , cold and unapproachable and cruel. Kevin was a drill Sargent that didn’t know how to have fun and never laughed. His only interests were Exy and history. He was a cry baby with a god complex. Kevin was the personification of every negative personality trait he could think of.
He’s not sure how long he knelt there, his mind racing with thoughts of how nobody would miss him if he was gone. The voice in his head sounded exactly like Riko and for a moment it felt like he never left the nest. He was still at Evermore, knelt in front of Riko as the king reminded him of exactly how little he would be missed if he were to be killed.
Kevin didn’t hear the court door opening and closing behind him. It wasn’t until cold hands were gently brushing his cheeks that he snapped out of the state he was in. Blinking slowly he remembered where he was. It was late, he was at the court. He was practicing alone. He wasn’t at the nest, Riko was dead. He was safe.
The cold hands moved to his hair and started slowly petting his head. When his eyes focused he recognized Neil’s bright blue eyes and scarred cheek but there was something wrong. The redhead’s lips were pinched in a tight line and his body rigid.
“Neil? What are you doing here?” Kevin asked, his throat burned and he wondered just how long it had been since he last drank something.
“Kev, oh thank god.” Neil’s expression softened and he looked above Kevin’s head at something. “Drew, he’s back.”
Slowly looking behind him Kevin could make out the shape of Andrew a few feet away, his phone to his ear. This made Kevin even more confused, why were they here?
Looking back at Neil he scowled. “Neil come on, what’s going on? Why are you both here right now?”
The redhead laced his fingers in Kevin’s hair once again and looked down at him dumbfounded. “You seriously don’t know? Kevin you never came home. We were worried.”
“I was just practicing, god Neil you’re not usually the worrying type. What’s the big deal? So I practiced a little longer than usual, no biggie.”
Neil rolled his eyes, annoyance spreading across his face. “What time do you think it is?” He asked, exasperated.
“It can’t be any later than 1:30, maybe 2:00 at the latest.” This caused Neil’s eyes to turn dark as he called out to Andrew again.
Kevin could sense Andrew behind him before he spoke. “Wymack said he’s almost here, Abby is coming too. She said to keep him where he is for now.”
“Wait, I’m confused. What the hell is going on? You called my dad and Abby? I’m not a fucking kid guys.”
“It’s quarter to 5 Kev. Neil woke up and realized you never came back to the dorm. We called you and got no answer so we came to check on you. We found you where you are now, completely out of it. We couldn’t get you back from wherever you were so we called Wymack.”
Realization washed over Kevin as the reality set in. He was stuck in his own head for hours, alone on the court in a complete state of disassociation.
Looking first at Andrew and then back at Neil he couldn’t help but feel conflicted. Surely they weren’t worried about him, Neil simply saw he wasn’t in bed and went to look for him out of curiosity. There was no way his roommates cared that much. They called his dad because someone had to deal with him. He was always causing problems, of course they’d want to pass him off to his dad.
“I’m sorry for making you come out here for me. I’ll be fine, just a little tired I guess. Go back to the dorm, I’ll wait for my dad and Abby, maybe stay at his apartment for a few days to rest.”
Andrew made a dissatisfied grunt at Kevin’s words, softly flicking him in the back of the head. “Are you seriously an idiot Kevin? We’re not leaving you until your dad and Abby get here.”
Neil’s hand moved from Kevin’s hair down to his chin, gently grabbing it between two fingers he tilted Kevin’s head so they were making eye contact.
“Why would we leave you Kev? What kind of friends would we be if we did that?”
Before the words could set in Kevin’s eyes filled with tears. He willed them to stop but they still threatened to spill over so he tore his face from Neil’s grip and looked down at the ground. Friends. Neil had called them friends.
“Friends? Since when are we friends?” Kevin asked, his bottom lip trembling with every word. “I thought we were teammates.”
Neil’s voice was full of sadness when he spoke. “Jesus Christ Kev of course we’re friends. I thought you knew that.”
“Do you think I would just hangout with you if we weren’t friends?” Andrew asked, the apathy from earlier now gone from his tone.
“W-well I don’t know. I never really thought about it. Why would you be friends with me? Our deal is over, you don’t need to interact with me more than necessary.”
Neil slowly stood and Andrew took his place in front of Kevin, his hands hovering just above the nape of the taller man’s neck. “Yes or no queenie?”
“Yes.” Kevin breathed, the tears finally escaping from his eyes.
Andrew’s grip on his neck was firm but comforting. Kevin had seen him do this with Neil countless times, usually in the middle of the night when the redhead wakes them both up with a nightmare. Andrew’s tenderness was foreign to Kevin but he wanted to devote this moment to memory. The loneliness that had consumed him earlier was long since crushed beneath the strength of Andrew’s calloused palm and for the first time since he escaped the nest he felt safe.
They stayed like that in silence until the sound of Wymack and Abby entering the court echoed through the gym. Andrew released his grip on Kevin and stood up, moving a few feet away to stand with Neil so Abby and Wymack had room to get to Kevin.
After Abby deemed him healthy and free to go his dad clamped a hand over Kevin’s shoulder, squeezing tightly. “You know you’re more than welcome to come and stay with me but I won’t argue if you want to go back to the dorm with Minyard and Josten.”
Looking over at his roommates Kevin’s heart swelled. He felt warm from the inside out, the aching loneliness that had caused this whole mess was gone. In its place was a warmth Kevin hadn’t felt since before his mom died. He felt whole again.
“I’ll go with those two, I think we have some stuff to talk about. Thank you dad, seriously. And Abby too.” His dad squeezed his shoulder once more before leaving the court with Abby. Once they were gone Neil started walking around, collecting the balls littering the court floor.
“Help me clean these up so we can go back to the dorm. You need sleep, you broody bastard.” There was no malice behind Neil’s words and Kevin felt a smile spread on his face.
Maybe he didn’t have to be alone forever after all.