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You fall in love. You confess. And you’re bound to one another. They talk about how wonderful it is, but nothing could be further from the truth! Even in romantic relationships, there always exists a clear power dynamic - the exploiter and the exploited, the master and the servant, the winner and the loser.
If you wish to live a life of luxury, you cannot allow yourself to be the loser! Love is war! The first to fall in love… loses.
The private Shuchiin Academy. Initially established as an institute to educate the children of noble and military families, it is a most prestigious school with a long and proud heritage. Even today, long after the abolition of the class system, many of the students here were born into wealthy families, and, one day, may be the ones to lead this country. For someone ordinary to lead these students, it’s unthinkable!
The vice-president of Shuchiin Academy’s Student Council: Shinomiya Kaguya! Total assets: 200 trillion yen. With over a thousand subsidiaries, the Shinomiya group is one of the Big 4: Japan’s greatest conglomerates, and being born into it as the eldest daughter, she’s a lady in the truest sense of the word. And as if to remove any doubt regarding the excellence of her bloodline, be it in performance arts, music, martial arts, or indeed, any field, the number of her outstanding achievements is already substantial. That is how talented Shinomiya Kaguya is.
And the man who she supports is…
The president of Shuchiin Academy’s Student Council: Shirogane Miyuki! An austere man of incredible intelligence, he is always ranked first in the academy’s mock exams. Unlike the multi-talented Kaguya, he earned respect and awe through his absolute devotion to his studies, and due to this exemplary manner, despite having come from a different school, he was selected to become the student council president.
Every student council president wears a 24-karat gold aiguillette, and with it, the weight of 200 years of Shuchiin!
“They seem like the perfect couple every time I lay eyes on them!”
“One can almost feel the dignity emanating from them!”
“Perhaps the two of them are dating?”
Such frivolous whispers filled the air as Shirogane and Shinomiya walked down the hall, towards the Student Council room. Well-trained in the art of “ignoring what everyone else is talking about”, the two kept straight faces through the insanity, opening the doors, walking in, and shutting the door behind them.
“Oh, you twose finally going out yet?”
Such an unexpected comment threw the two off, where the admiring crowd could not. A blush formed on the two’s faces, and glaring down at the grinning Shuichi Sako, the historian of the council, they made various remarks to the tune of “No, never, why would I,” and trudged to their usual spots.
Chuckling slightly, Sako (who insisted that others call him by his first name) sat back in his chair, picking up his knitting where he left off. As the historian, it was his duty to keep track of everything (important) that happened to both the student council and the student body as a whole, so on slower days like this, he was free to play his favorite records and while his time away knitting.
Making some tea, Shinomiya idly thought about what Sako and the girls outside were talking about. How vulgar these ignoramuses’ words are. Who do they think I am? I am of the Shinomiya line, the very heart of this nation! How could the thought of me dating such a plebian even occur to them? Well… I suppose the president does possess an ever-so-miniscule chance. Provided he kneels down, offers his hometown, and submits his very body and soul to me, I may consider molding him into a man worthy of me. After all, what man could possibly resist me? It’s simply a matter of time.
Engrossed in such a train of thought himself, Shirogane mentally debated Sako’s points as well. Shinomiya and myself dating? To engage in such trivial romantic gossip… how foolish. Though… if Shinomiya crawled over and begged me to date her, I’d consider it.
Well, I’ve no doubt she’s interested in me, so it’s simply a matter of time. Soon, that ladylike act of hers will be shattered, and she’ll be entreating me all bashfully.
Regarding the two walking down the beaten trails of thought, Sako sighed, shook his head, held back a chuckle, and sat even further back in his chair.
As the two of them thought that, half a year passed, during which nothing really happened. Their thoughts shifted from “I wouldn’t mind dating them” to “How do I make them confess?”
While those two exceptional teenage prodigies played their game of mental chess, there was an utterly oblivious bystander - Fujiwara Chika. She had somehow managed to miss Sako’s questions about Shinomiya and Shirogane dating every single time, and had recently won a pair of movie tickets. However, because of her strict upbringing, she was unable to see the movie and would give them away to the pair.
“Would the two of you be interested?
“I believe I am free. Shinomiya, would-”
“And y’know, if you go see this movie together, it’ll bind you to one another! How wonderful!”
Setting her pen down and withholding her excitement, Shinomiya said with all the calm in the world, “Perhaps I misheard, President, but was that an invitation? You wish to go to see a movie which allegedly binds people together with me? Dear me, I’d almost call that a bona fide confession.”
A sudden predicament for Shirogane! When it comes to relationships, the first one to fall in love loses - it’s the absolute number one rule. To this prideful pair, confessing first was completely out of the question!
What do I do? Such an obvious move, but I have to counter it somehow! Thinking furiously, the boy tried to formulate a backup plan. “Perhaps we could go and sell them to a scalper somewhere?”
“Oh, my. So even our dignified student council president gets flustered sometimes. Isn’t that just… adorable?” Never! However, escape isn’t an option either. You’ll be the one doing the fleeing, Shinomiya!
“You’re absolutely right. I did invite you. I pay no heed to such silly myths, you see, but I can see the same can’t be said of you. Would you like to go and see this movie with me?”
For Shinomiya, only an instant is needed. You’re clearly stating that you’re inviting me, and yet the onus of choice as to whether we’re going has been placed on my shoulders. Well played.
I certainly have the option of thoroughly rejecting the invitation, but then all of my efforts will have been for naught. I went through all the trouble to fabricate a prize, and delivered it to Fujiwara’s mailbox. I even made sure to target a day when the president is free - all for naught!
Also, were I to refuse now, I may never again have the chance of being invited by him! As a maiden, I can’t let that happen - I won’t let that happen!
“Well… unfortunately, I cannot help but believe in such things. So were I to accept, at the very least I’d have to be invited in a more romantic manner.”
Feigning innocence! An ancient negotiation skill, passed down the Shinomiya family for generations. This calculated, masterful expression and tone of voice could melt even the gods’ hearts. Indeed, it was wreaking havoc with Shirogane’s mind as well!
Well, perhaps it is the responsibility of the man to confess? Such a thought crossed his-
“Hello, Cleveland!”
Yes! The verbal smoke bomb that is Sako! That’ll distract enough from the tickets. Both Shinomiya and Shirogane thought so at the same instant, the odd boy’s familiar greeting ringing out through the room.
“Oh, hey, Sako! How are you?”
“Ah, hey, Fujiwara. Doing pretty well myself, how’s it going over there?”
“It’s going well! I just won some movie tickets and I was planning to give them to Shirogane and Shinomiya! Did you want one? Seems like they’re at a standoff if they want to go or not.”
“Eh, think’ll pass. Thanks for the offer though.” Hiding a smile at the romantic antics, Sako trudged off towards his corner, setting a record of Oscar Peterson on the turntable and picking up his knitting.
“If you don’t fancy a romantic movie, I also have tickets to Faulkner of Wingsville.”
Faulkner…
of Wingsville?
Chaos theory. A single comment dropped so casually has caused a speck of chaos to infiltrate the nearly complete strategies. A mere speck it may be, but chaos is like the Big Bang - every microscopic possibility expands exponentially! To process the countless numbers of newly arisen possibilities, calculations far exceeding their limits were suddenly thrust upon them, and so they required more sugar. Unfortunately, the only source of sugar in the room was in a single steamed bun on the table! Therefore, the first one to lay their hands on that bun woul-
The bun was eaten by Sako.
Shit.
“Ope, did you two want that? Sorry. Just afternoon classes are about to start and I’m starvin. Better head out, looking at the clock, I should. See y’all after school.”
“Yup, see you!” Ever cheerful, Fujiwara left the council room, completely unaware of the chaos she had just thrown into the two’s lives.
Today’s battle outcome: Both lose.
Opening her locker, Shinomiya found something interesting - what appeared to be a love letter addressed to her. “My…”
Walking ever so slightly quicker than normal to the council room, she immediately told Fujiwara, who she normally told about her romantic exploits, about the letter. “It’s rather romantic, asking if I’d like to go out for a meal.”
“What?! So you’re being asked out on a date?”
A love letter addressed to Shinomiya? There truly are some utter simpletons in this world. This is Shinomiya we’re talking about - she spends the majority of her time with me. Did it not occur to his halfwit brain that, compared to me, most men appear to be no more than talking weeds? I doubt she’ll even consider it.
“Are you planning to go on this date?” Excited, Fujiwara questioned the vice president, using every ounce of willpower in her body not to run out to the drama department and get her love detective outfit.
“I think you oughta go on it. Never hurts, would it?” The unusual event had been enough to get Sako out of his chair, and after a quick note in his journal about what had happened, he plopped down on the couch next to Fujiwara.
“But of course.”
Have you lost your mind, Shinomiya?! Don’t you dare go and accept an invitation from someone who you don’t even know!
The president fell into a self-destructive train of thought, trying to figure out how to stop Shinomiya without exposing himself. Meanwhile, Shinomiya herself was just waiting for the president, already having laid her careful plans.
Watching all the shenanigans go down in the two lovers’ heads and hearts, Sako sighed, still amazed that Fujiwara hadn’t noticed just how smitten they were with each other. Truth be told, he was a bit curious what could possibly make the two smartest people he knew into such idiots. Shame he’d not found anyone yet.
Fujiwara grinned. She was remembering a bunny she had seen earlier.
“Shinomiya, as student council president, I simply cannot endorse illicit romantic relationships.” An attack through the back door! Speaking as the student council president rather than as himself put a shield, letting him avoid damage!
“How overdramatic - we’re merely going out for a meal, nothing more.”
“The teachers shall be the judge of that - you could potentially even be suspended from school. If you’re really that eager to go, though, I could request the teachers make an exception, just for you.”
Telling the teachers! Its power is tremendous, though it comes with the risk of being labeled a coward! However, stopping Shinomiya came well before Shirogane’s own dignity. Such was his resolve that it even affected Shinomiya!
I can’t believe the president did that… however, I will see this through to the very end! “I care not. If this is indeed true love, I will accept even at the cost of expulsion.”
“E-expulsion?!” Poor Fujiwara, her dreams of the earlier bunny interrupted, could not understand what was happening.
“For true love, I am prepared to offer my body and soul.”
Her body and soul?! Shirogane takes massive damage - “That’s outrageous!”
“It is not! This gentleman is trying to convey his passionate feelings of love; to respond with anything less than that would be to do him a dishonor!”
“Don’t be ridiculous! In that case, if I confessed to you-” Saying that was too much for the poor boy’s heart and he lost steam. “H-hypothetically, of course… hypothetically, would you forget about him?”
“That certainly is… is a possibility, yes…”
“My, is that all ‘true love’ means to you? If all it takes for you to forget about him is another man flirting with you a little, I’d hardly call that ‘true love’.
“I only said that it was a possibility!”
“I see, I see. Talk about an exaggeration.”
If you’re worried about me, you should stop me without worrying about how others will view you, no?! “Say what you will. I’m going, for real.” I’m really going unless he passionately confesses to me with tears in his eyes!
Fujiwara, overloaded by everything happening around her, grabbed Shinomiya, tears in her eyes, and started to plead her to not leave. She sobbed, “I don’t want you stolen by anyone! Please don’t get expelled! Never! Never! Don’t go anywhere! I love you!”
“Fine, I won’t go anywhere! Just let go of me!”
Today’s battle outcome: Kaguya loses.
“Nope!”
“That’s not fair, just one little bite!”
“What? Fine, but… oh, you’re so hopeless. Say ‘ah’!”
Such a display of love overpowered Shinomiya, walking next to the boy she was in love with had a crush on liked tolerated. Later on, in the club room, she spouted “How vulgar!”
“Is it really that upsetting?” Shirogane, completely misunderstanding her, tried to mitigate damage.
“Are they not aware of the fact that they’re privileged students of this prestigious academy? Such behavior in the public eye… shameful! Utterly vulgar!”
“I think you’re being a bit too harsh about it.”
“President, did you bring your own lunch today?”
“Yes - my grandfather sends me a lot of vegetables from the countryside. I”m rather confident in my own culinary skills.”
Shinomiya had never laid eyes on a lunch like his before. Her meals were prepared by special chefs and delivered to her during lunch break: a perfect harmony of nutritional balance and seasonal ingredients as a base. Those are the meals she is familiar with.
Vegetables, wieners, rolled omelets, patties, pickled plums, and a seasoning sachet! It was like everything he wanted to eat had been placed there. Made with such freedom, as a child’s treasure box. It was that fact that pierced her heart!
Octopus shaped wieners?! So such a thing does exist… I want to try it! However, her pride would allow no such thing.
“Oh, you brought your own lunch today! Looks good!” Fujiwara just kinda… appeared. Nobody noticed her using the door. She just suddenly was there, where she was not. Huh.
“Hello, Cleveland! Ooh, home lunch today, eh, Shirogane? Looks great, you mind if I have a tiny bit? Didn’t bring enough food, I didn’t.” Sako entered using the door, as opposed to his dimension twisting friend, spotting the lunchbox on the table.
“Of course. I prepared it all myself.”
“Ooh, I want a bite too!” Fujiwara hopped on the “Steal Shirogane’s Food” train, right behind Sako.
“Sure, I don’t mind. Here, you can have this patty. Sako, you can have this wiener.”
“Yay!”
Engrossed in their own Food Wars-esque revelations about how good a cook Shirogane was, Fujiwara and Sako completely missed Shinomiya having her own internal monologue about how she considered the two friends, though now she could look the other way when they were at death’s door.
Why am I being glared at like that by Shinomiya? Is my lunch truly that pathetic? I can feel how condescending she is! I’ll show her what I can do! Shirogane, completely misunderstanding everything, uncapped his thermos and poured out some miso soup. Mixing it with his rice, he ameliorated his lunch that much. “Here, Fujiwara, give it a try.”
Wait, why is she eating from the same part as him?! That’s basically an indirect kiss! Her thoughts were of a child. The cup, too?
“It’s so good! The rice tastes like it’s dissolving!” Fujiwara was utterly shocked at the transformation.
“Exactly - just as tea is poured over cold rice, warm soup complements cold lunch!”
“You’re a genius!”
Shinomiya was frozen, as she could almost feel her friendship with Fujiwara deteriorating in an instant. Farewell, Fujiwara. We’re through.
Her disdain only intensified! How is that possible?!
I see how it is. If that’s the game you’ll play, I have an idea myself. Look forward to tomorrow, Fujiwara.
“Your lunch today is certainly… extravagant.” Half shocked but also resignedly, Shirogane gazed upon Shinomiya’s lunch, a feast, complete with lobster, salad, and the works.
“Dear me, my chefs must have gotten carried away.”
“Yeah, I’ll say, that’s a meal fit for a king or two.” Holding back the whistle generally understood to mean “holy hell that’s a lot”, Sako stood right behind the President, hands in his pockets.
“It certainly seems delicious.”
Of course! You’ll come crawling to me, begging a bite, President! And since I’m such a generous soul, I will agree, but only if the President gives me his lunch first! Now, come!
“Shall we eat as well?” Completely oblivious, Shirogane pulled his own lunch out.
“I suppose so, ayup.”
Shinomiya withheld the brief anger at this she felt.
Fujiwara giggled at the odd mannerism of Sako. “What are you, a farmer?”
“Hehe, only a bit.”
“Ooh, Prez, you have octopus-shaped wieners again!” Fujiwara eyed Shirogane’s lunch hungrily.
“Can’t go without them.”
Shinomiya’s anger deepened.
“That’s great, it is. Cute and delicious, perfect combo, there.” Sako spared a glance at the fabled lunchbox himself.
“Well, I wouldn’t call them perfect.”
“Certainly are to me, they are.”
Shinomiya was now struggling to hold back her rage.
“Alright, anyway-”
“President. Oysters are your favorite, no?” Trying to appear friendly (and utterly failing), she made one last-ditch effort to offer her lunch.
This again, what’s this menacing aura! Why am I being offered such high-class food?! She’s plotting something, no doubt…
“Your lunch is so pitiful… How adorable. I’ll bestow this upon you.”
Am I being pitied?! Such humiliation - I’ll never accept. No matter what! “I have nothing to give in exchange for such high-class food.”
Oh, I’d gladly take those octopus-shaped wieners! Shinomiya collapsed upon the table.
“Kaguya! Are you hurt? Is your head ok?” The oblivious (as always) Fujiwara was filled with nothing but concern for her friend. Sako debated telling her that it was just because she was having a crisis, but ultimately decided against it.
“Actually… what is that?” Trying to save face, she redirected.
“Oh, Prez made lunch for me as well!”
“No more effort than making just one.”
“No, by definition it… uh, nevermind.” Confused, Sako just kinda gave up.
“Yummy!” Fujiwara admired the lunch made for her.
“Really? That’s wonderful.”
You… you’re nothing more than livestock with human form. You have not a shred of pride, just a parasite whose only skill is taking advantage of others. You are a filthy, disgusting creature! Destroyed, Fujiwara fell back upon the one skill she could always rely upon - insulting Fujiwara. I will never forgive you!
Oh god… that stare is back. Shinomiya has the eyes of an assassin! Petrified, Shirogane fell back upon the one skill he could always rely upon - fleeing. “Oh, I just remembered I Have to meet with the clubs today!”
No… my octopus-shaped wieners!
“I’ll be leaving, then!” He sprinted out of the club room.
Shinomiya was struggling to keep it together. What am I even doing… I feel like a fool.
“Kaguya. Say ‘ah’.” Kneeling down in front of the distraught girl, Fujiwara offered up one of the prized octopus-shaped wieners. “Isn’t it yummy?”
“Fujiwara… I must apologize. I clearly misunderstood you. You are a human being after all.”
“What did you think I was?!”
“Be proud of that.”
“I never doubted that I’m human!”
Today’s battle outcome: Kaguya wins.
“Good grief, the president can be so difficult sometimes. Here I am, offering him countless opportunities, and yet he still refuses to confess.” Cooling down after the Interesting day, Shinomiya spouted her thoughts to her personal attendant, Hayasaka Ai.
“Mistress Kaguya. Hypothetically, if you genuinely fall in love, would you be waiting for a confession, as you are now? Or would you confess yourself?”
A war of hearts and minds. A battle of spirits, dignity at stake. “If such a situation ever came to be, considering the risk of him getting stolen from me, there is only one logical conclusion. I’d obviously be the one to conf… Obviously, I’d… surely, I’d confess… I would…”
Hayasaka sighed. Surely this battle isn’t happening because of petty reasons, like being too embarrassed to confess or fearing a rejection? Ah well. I suppose it isn't my place to interfere...