Archive of Our Own

It's after a random game at home against the Jets at the beginning of the season when the offer is given, and Nolan is surprised and confused by the randomness of it.

He's sitting outside of the locker room and downing three bags of blood with a barely contained wince when Travis walks by, and he very purposefully doesn't think about why he immediately senses when Travis stops beside him (because he's overly aware of the wolf and has always been especially attuned to where Travis is in relation to himself).

"Pats, not to be rude, but you look like you're drinking the worst shit you've ever tasted."

Nolan finishes the last bag and struggles with the last swallow, trying and failing to school his features into something neutral before looking over at Travis.

"It's...not that bad."

He moves his tongue around in his mouth and catches a hint of bitter copper aftertaste, and this time he can't hold back from the way his face twists in disgust.

Travis gives him a sympathetic look and then something flashes through his eyes and his cheeks grow just a tad pink as he clears his throat.

"Um, well...I don't know if this is rude or anything, so let me know if I'm overstepping here, bud, but..." he shuffles his feet around, uncharacteristically nervous, and Nolan narrows his eyes in confusion. "You can always feed from me, if you'd like."

Travis looks up at him then and Nolan's eyes go wide at the offer.

"I-" his first instinct is to immediately refuse- he's actually used to people offering, and he's always managed to keep himself in check and say no no matter how bad he's wanted it- but something traitorous in his brain stops him and makes him think instead about what it would be like to feed from Travis.

It's not like the thought hasn't crossed his mind before. He's spent many a night thinking of what it would be like to do many different things with Travis, one of them being feed from him regularly, but he's never entertained the idea of it actually happening.

He stares at Travis completely unsure of what to say for probably a little too long, because Travis starts to get antsy and even looks a tad bit distressed.

"You know what, that was probably way out of line and crossing boundaries that I should not have crossed, so I'm incredibly sorry, Patty, and I'll leave you alone now and for the foreseeable future-"

"Wait!" Nolan raises his voice to stop Travis in his rant and from escaping into the locker room, and because he's apparently forgotten how to use proper restraint and actually think things through he doesn't give Travis' offer much real thought and just nods his head. "I'd actually like that. If you're honestly willing to do it. I, uh...miss fresh blood, and to be honest sometimes I really need it."

He very carefully doesn't say that he'd also love to do it for other reasons that go way beyond friendship and just Travis being a good bro, and he tries to not let that show on his face as he waits for Travis to respond.

"Oh- okay, if you're sure. I don't wanna pressure you."

Nolan almost snorts a laugh at that and shakes his head, the corners of his mouth tugging up.

"Trav, you're offering me one of the few things I love more than hockey, and something I haven't had in a long time. You aren't pressuring me, I promise." He pauses and then tilts his head, thinking of something. "You're sure you want to do this, though? I know as a wolf you've got your advanced healing and blood replenishment, but this is a lot to give someone."

He silently asking if Travis understands what he's really offering up, how he's telling Nolan he's willing to be at Nolan's complete mercy. He wants to be sure Travis is really okay with that.

Travis nods quickly and smiles brightly at him.

"Yeah, of course, Pats! You're my friend, and I wanna make sure you're getting the best and what you need. So I'm sure."

He smiles widely at Nolan and Nolan smiles back.

"Okay. I'll um...well, I don't exactly need any right now, but, I'll..." he's not sure how Travis wants to do this, but thankfully Travis is on top of it.

"Whenever you need to feed next, just text me or let me know, and I'll come to your place."

Nolan nods and then holds up a hand.

"Actually, we'll need to do it at yours. It'll be draining for you and it's best if you're already in your own space to be able to crash or anything like that when I'm done."

Something unreadable flashes over Travis' face for a moment and then he's smiling again like nothing happened.

"That works for me! Just let me know, Patty."

He gives him a mock salute and then dissappears into the locker room to change, and Nolan moves to take care of his empty blood bags.

He's just finished throwing the bags away and is making to head into the locker room himself when it hits him- he's just agreed to feed from Travis. Travis, whom he has massive feelings for and has been crushing on for years and who probably doesn't realize how intimate a blood feeding can be. Travis, who's blood he's now going to know the taste of and will be the first live person he's fed from in literal years, meaning he'll be legitimately blood drunk for the first time in a while in front of said crush.

He's fucked.

~•~•~•~

After thinking about it for way too long over a period of several days, Nolan decides that he's most definitely not going to go through with feeding from Travis. One, because he's certain Travis doesn't really know what he'd be getting into, and two, because there's no way he can feed from the wolf regularly and still maintain a solely platonic relationship with him.

Nolan knows that fresh feeding isn't an inherently sexual thing and that there are people who feed from their friends and it doesn't mean anything, but for Nolan it's always been an intimate thing that he only shares with someone special.

It hasn't always been in a sexual way, because for the first 15 or so years of his life he fed from his family, but once he started to branch out into relationship territory he found that it's also something he likes to share with his sexual partners.

Now, it's been years since he last fed from anyone sexually or from his family, but he still maintains that it's an intimate act for him and he doesn't think he should enter into a platonic feeding relationship with someone whom he has very non-platonic feelings for.

So he decides that he won't actually take Travis up on his offer, and he plans to tell him as soon as he can.

Of course, that's also when the medical staff forgets for the first time ever to bring a stash of blood bags on a four game roadie.

He doesn't actually need anything after the first two games, because he fed a few days before they left and both games had been fairly easy wins against the Sabres and Blue Jackets respectively.

After the third one, though, when they lose against the Flames in a grueling 5-4 overtime loss, he feels the beginning pricks of hunger and goes to find the trainers after the game.

"Um...Nolan, I am so sorry, but it seems we've forgotten to bring any for you."

He's sitting outside of the locker room like he normally does when he feeds, and he frowns when the trainer gives him the news.

"What? Like, you mean you don't have anything at all?"

The guy shakes his head and Nolan's frown deepens.

"Not to be rude, but did you guys check with the staff here? I know Tkachuk is a vamp, so they should have stuff here for him. And I'm willing to pay if they want something in return for it."

The trainer looks mildly pained and he shakes his head.

"We did ask, and they're unfortunately fresh out. They're not expecting a new shipment until tomorrow morning."

Nolan cannot believe what he's hearing, but at the same time he's actually minutely relieved that he doesn't have to drink that awful stuff right now. He can deal with being mildly hungry, he's done it before, and they'll be home in four days anyway.

"Okay, that's fine." He shrugs and stands, moving towards the locker room.

"Is there anything else you'd like us to try? We can contact the local hospitals and blood banks, see what they have available."

Nolan looks back and offers the guy a smile.

"No, it's okay. I think I'll be okay, it's not bad yet and we'll be home in less than a week. I think I can make it through the Kraken game and then home."

The trainer looks at him for a long moment and then gives him a smile and a nod as he apparently accepts that Nolan's telling the truth.

"Alright. Sounds good."

The guy walks away and Nolan enters the locker room, ignoring the way his gums feel just a little itchy with the urge to drop his fangs and feed.

Okay, so maybe he's more hungry than he let on, but he's still dealt with worse before. He'll be fine.

"You good, Nols? I thought you needed to feed, but your cheeks are barely pink."

Nolan has a certain- his mom would call it special- physical tell that keeps him from being able to feed without anyone knowing. And that would be his ever present rosy cheeks that change in intensity depending on the type of blood he's fed on.

When he's been feeding from a bag of not fresh, often cold or room temperature blood, his cheeks brighten in color enough to make him look like he's only mildly flushed, no matter how much he's had. Alternatively, when he's been feeding from a live source of blood and is getting it hot and fresh, his cheeks become a dark rosy color that broadcasts to everyone who sees him that his body has been pumped full of the good stuff.

Sometimes Nolan really hates that his cheeks so accurately broadcast his feeding habits, but at the same time he appreciates how much his team cares about his well-being.

"Yeah, Sans, I'm good. They forgot to bring anything for me and the Flames are out until tomorrow, so I'll just have to wait until we get home since the Kraken don't have any vamps and won't have blood on hand." He shrugs and offers a quick smile. "I'll be fine, though. It's not bad."

Sanny nods and believes him, and nobody else says anything as they all go back to getting out of their gear.

Nolan catches Travis glancing at him from across the room, but neither of them say anything and Nolan still isn't sure exactly how to tell Travis that he doesn't want to take him up on his offer anymore. So he doesn't ask, and Travis doesn't push. And like he said, he'll be fine.

~•~•~•~

He's not fine.

He was right about the Kraken not having any blood in their facility since they don't have any vamps, and after they lose to them in a truly embarrassing 3-0 shut-out Nolan can tell he's on the cusp of having gone too long without any kind of hold over; because he may have fed a little a few days before they left, but it was a measly two bags from his blood fridge at home, and that was almost a week and a half ago now. Not to mention that he had only fed once in the two weeks before that and that had been after the game against the Jets, when Travis had made his offer.

So maybe he hasn't been feeding enough lately. And maybe that's becoming a problem.

His gums ache with the need to let his fangs drop, and his stomach rolls and clenches in hunger every time he gets a whiff of blood. Which happens to be a lot today, because the Kraken really roughed them up.

Nolan is trying to focus on just getting out of the locker room and to their hotel and trying *not* to focus on how good everyone's blood smells, because he may have not let things get this bad in a while but he knows how to push through and he'll be dammed if he can't hold it together this time.

He's very purposely not talking to anyone as he gets undressed and also skips a shower to go straight to putting his game-day suit back on, but that's not exactly unusual for him after a loss like the one they've just been served. Nolan is known for his silent anger after losses and he's hoping that everyone will chalk it up to that and leave him alone.

Of course things can't ever be that easy for him, though, because it just so happens that as he's heading to the bus, a freshly showered Travis is also doing the same, leaving them to walk together.

"Hey, you doing alright? I know you take losses hard, and I know it's probably worse right now since you haven't been able to feed."

Nolan just hums non-committally and hopes that it's enough to make Travis move on from the topic of feeding, because he's so hungry right now that he can hear Travis' blood pumping strongly through his body and can almost feel how warm it is after the hot shower he took in the locker room. Not to mention that he can smell it coming from the small cut Travis got on his cheek during the game too, and even just that little bit smells so fucking good and it's driving Nolan just a little bit crazy.

"Listen, I know we talked about you coming to me if you need it, and you haven't said anything yet, but I'm here if you need something tonight. Even just a little bit to hold you over until we get home tomorrow. Because I can tell that you're more wired than usual, and I don't know when the last time you did feed was or how long you can go before it gets really bad, but I don't want you to feel like you have to suffer until we get back. Because I meant it when I said I'd be willing to give that to you."

Nolan wants him to shut up so bad right now, only because his resolve is weakening by the second and he really doesn't want to have to feed from Travis, but he really is reaching his breaking point and he knows from experience that if he waits much longer he's gonna be dealing with some not great consequences.

So he throws caution to the wind and decides that he can do this this once, can feed from Travis this one time because he needs to, and that he can make himself be okay with it this once and can hold back from ever doing it again.

Because this team has never seen him break before, and he promised himself when he signed that they never would.

"I- yeah, actually, could I? I really need it, I'm sorry." His voice is rough, and he's finally letting himself slip a little now that he's given in, and he can tell that Travis can see it because the forward pulls him close and nods quickly.

"Yeah, of course, buddy. Let's just get back to the hotel and then we'll head to my room. And no need to apologize, it's not your fault that they forgot the blood for you."

Yeah, but it's my fault for not feeding enough beforehand and letting myself get this bad, Nolan thinks, but he doesn't say that outloud and also thinks he wouldn't be able to speak much since he's putting all his focus into not letting his fangs drop here and now as they get on the bus.

They make it to the hotel without incident, and Nolan doesn't question it when Travis' road partner Sanny wordlessly gathers his things and leaves the room after Travis says something quietly to him after bringing Nolan in.

"Okay, so...how do you want me?"

Travis turns towards Nolan once Sanny is gone and spreads his arms out, and Nolan nearly loses it at his words.

"I just- you might wanna take your shirt off if you don't want blood on it, and normally I'd have you sit or lay on the bed but I don't wanna mess up the hotel stuff so I'll need you to stand up against the wall."

(He also just doesn't want to think about feeding from Travis on a bed right now, so he's glad he has a valid excuse.)

He grits out the words through clenched teeth, still trying to hold his fangs back because he knows the moment they drop he won't be able to do much else other than dig in and take his fill.

Travis nods and peels off his shirt, and Nolan almost regrets telling him to do that because he looks so goddamn good, but he also knows he'd feel bad about not telling Travis about the prospect of getting blood on his clothes.

"Here?" Travis asks as he steps to stand in front of the wall next to his bed, and Nolan nods and steps forward to firmly push him fully against it.

He misses the way Travis' breath hitches at that, too focused on the rushing of blood underneath his skin, and starts to lean in before holding himself back with the last sliver of control that he has to make sure that Travis is 100% on board with this.

"You do understand that once I start I won't be able to stop until I'm satisfied, right? I promise it won't be too much for you, I can tell when someone's reaching the point of it being too far, but I just- I need you to know what you're agreeing to. I need you to know-" he winces with the pain at continuing to hold back his fangs, but he does need Travis to know this at least. "I need you to know-" he loses his train of thought and gasps. "I don't even know," he huffs out a barely humorous laugh and refuses to admit to the way he easily gives into it when Travis brings a hand to the back of his head and guides him down to his neck.

"Trust me, I know. I'm still here."

That's all Nolan really needs, and with a shudder he finally lets his fangs drop and sinks them into the soft skin that stretches over Travis's pulse point.

He barely registers the startled moan that leaves Travis' mouth as he starts to drink, and he lets himself get lost in the feeding as the thick, hot blood fills his mouth and washes down his throat.

It's been far too long since he's last had fresh blood, and Nolan doesn't know if that's why it seems like it tastes better than anything he's ever had before or if it's because he's always suspected that Travis would taste positively divine.

Because he does. And it's heady in a way Nolan had not been expecting at all.

He doesn't know how long he drinks for, but from experience he knows it's longer than he can usually drink from most people, and as he slowly comes back to himself he thinks for a moment how cool it is that werewolves can heal and replenish their blood so quickly.

He slows down after a while, and as he comes to the end of his feeding he can finally feel Travis reaching the end of what he can handle and he pulls his fangs back feeling more sated and full than he has for a very, very long time.

With a deep breath he pulls back from Travis' neck and licks his lips, allowing himself only a moment to admire how good Travis looks with rapidly healing fang marks in his neck, a couple small trickles of blood running down and over his collarbone, and breathing hard like he's just come off a long shift on the ice before he looks up at Travis' face.

He's first surprised by the way Travis is shifted, his own fangs out and his pupils blown wide amid glowing gold eyes, and then he's surprised (although he shouldn't be) by getting hit hard with the sharp scent of Travis' arousal.

He had forgotten how dialed up his senses get when he feeds on fresh blood, a phenomenon that most refer to as getting blood drunk because of how overwhelming the sensations are after a fresh feeding, and being able to smell Travis' arousal is something he hasn't been able to smell on anyone in a long time.

And it does not bode well for where he is mentally at this moment in time.

"You okay?" Travis asks, breathless, and Nolan suddenly can't look away from his face and the way his lips look like he was biting at them.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm...good. More than good, I'm great...how are you?"

He's trying to sound casual, but he doesn't know how well he really does.

"Oh I'm- I'm fantastic, honestly," Travis admits, his words slightly lisped by his fangs, and Nolan finds it incredibly endearing. "How-" Travis clears his throat and must suddenly realize his fangs are out when he goes to lick his lips, because he takes a deep breath and closes his eyes to focus on shifting back before continuing. "How did I taste?"

He's smirking slightly, trying to make things lighthearted as he always does, and Nolan hasn't quite regained the ability to hold his tongue yet so he doesn't even think before saying, "Fucking incredible. You taste so damn good, Travis."

Travis unexpectedly huffs out a whine at that, high and in the back of his throat, and Nolan suspects Travis doesn't even realize that his own hand has gone down to press at the front of his sweatpants where he's sporting an impressive bulge.

Nolan suddenly realizes with a jolt what's going on, and he finally comes at least a little back to his senses as he steps back and looks away from Travis.

"I, um- I should go...let you take care of that by yourself."

Travis seems to also suddenly realize what he's doing, and he goes red in the face as he yanks his hand away from the front of his sweats and reaches to grab his shirt and hold it in front of his crotch.

"Shit, um- I'm so sorry, I swear I didn't know that would happen-"

"Hey, no, it's okay," Nolan is quick to reassure. He knew it would be a possibility, which is why he didn't want to ever do this in the first place. "It actually happens to a lot of people. Don't worry, I get it. I won't think you have something for me or anything," he tries to joke, but it comes out a little pained since he wants nothing more than for Travis to actually feel the same way he does. But he knows that would never happen.

"Well, I-" Travis starts and then stops, and his face goes red again before his shoulders slump and he offers a tired laugh. "Yeah, just a side affect, I guess."

Nolan tries not to let it show how much those words hurt, his brief hope that Travis was about to admit to something being snuffed quickly and efficiently.

"Like I said, it happens a lot. No hard feelings." He offers a smile that he hopes doesn't look tense, and then turns to leave when neither of them say anything else.

"Wait-"

Nolan turns back around when Travis speaks, and he finds Travis looking from the ground and back to his eyes over and over.

"The offer still stands, just so you know. This doesn't have to be a one-off thing. If you ever need me- it, my blood, I mean, I'm always down to give it to you." He smiles at Nolan and finally meets and holds his gaze. "Just let me know, okay?"

Nolan stands there for a second and thinks about how before this he was planning on this only being a one-off thing but that now he doesn't know how long he'll truly be able to hold off before he's craving a taste of Travis again, and just gives him a nod.

"I will." He offers a small smile and then leaves, heading back to his room with Kevin and hoping that his road partner isn't there so he can have some time to himself to deal with the problem he now has going on in his own pants.

And if later he thinks about how Travis is getting off at the same time as him and about how turned on he looked from the feeding and how Nolan was the one who made him that hard when he comes- and if he moans Travis' name as he does- well, that's nobody's business but his own.

~•~•~•~

Feeding from Travis keeps him fed and satisfied for a lot longer than the blood bags ever have, and when they play their next game back at home four nights later he's still rather pink in the cheeks and plays better than he has in months.

In fact, he manages to get a hat trick that night, and he wonders if it would be worth it to feed from Travis every time if it means he'd play this well for the rest of the season.

Travis apparently has the same idea, because a week later when Nolan is just starting to think that he'll need to hit up the staff for some blood bags in a day or two Travis stops him in the arena parking lot to talk.

"Hey, um...not to be wierd, but I kind of have your feeding schedule memorized so I know you'll be needing some more soon...do you, um, do you wanna...?"

He's rubbing at the back of his neck and he's got a look on his face that says he's regretting doing this, and Nolan finds it amusing. Maybe a little cute, too.

"I thought you were gonna wait for my call?"

That makes Travis blush and he huffs out an embarrassed laugh as he takes a step back.

"You're right, I'm totally overstepping my bounds, I'm sorry-"

"No, hey, it's alright," Nolan quickly says, holding out a hand to stop Travis from going any further. "I, um- I was actually thinking of asking for a few blood bags to take home tomorrow, so you caught me at a good time," he admits sheepishly, and Travis immediately bounces back into his usual demeanor.

"Pats, buddy, I told you my offer still stands! I'm totally willing to be your blood provider, any time you need it."

Nolan nods and shrugs a shoulder.

"Yeah I know, I just- didn't wanna bother you."

And I don't know if I'm ready to see you come undone like that again so soon.

Travis waves a hand dismissively.

"Oh, you never bother me, bud. Listen, why don't you come over to my place after the game on Thursday? We can hang out for a bit like we usually do, then you can feed, and then," he waves his hands around and Nolan almost misses the faint blush on his cheeks, "We can do whatever. You can go home. Or stay, if you want."

His cheeks are definitely flushed now, and Nolan would take that as meaning something if he didn't know that Travis just meant he could stay and they could potentially have sex. As friends. Which is not something Nolan could do in good conscience.

"I could probably come over to hang out and feed. I, um, would probably just head home right after, though. Give you time to rest and replenish and all that."

It's the nicest way he can think of to tell Travis no to sex without having to lie and say he doesn't want it at all, while also still giving in to feeding from him. Nolan has some restraint when it comes to this man, but not a lot it seems.

"Yeah, okay, that works." Travis gives him a smile, and Nolan can tell he's a little bummed by the no sex part, but that's something he's going to stand by.

"Okay, cool. See you on Thursday, then?"

Travis is quiet for a moment and then tilts his head.

"Unless you wanna come over now. Not for feeding or anything, just to hang out. Maybe play some Chel. Get your ass handed to you."

He's grinning now, and Nolan feels his heart tug.

He should say no, shouldn't let himself continue to spend even more time with Travis now that they're starting down this slippery slope, but like he recognized earlier he only has so much restraint when it comes to this man.

"Sure. But you're paying for take-out."

"Definitely!" Travis says happily and then takes off for his own car, apparently eager to get home and get the evening started.

Nolan watches him run and sees the little fist bump he does in celebration, and he can't stop the smile that tugs at the corners of his lips.

Heavens above, he is so very screwed.

~•~•~•~

When Thursday rolls around Nolan is definitely starting to feel the hunger set in, and he's glad he has those plans with Travis or else he'd be slamming back a couple bags right now and resisting the urge to gag.

He's surprised no one on staff has asked him about his lack of asking for anything yet, especially considering how long it's technically been since he last fed here and the way his cheeks were definitely extra rosy after last time, but he figures they just think he's getting stuff at home. Which he has in the past, so it's not a stretch, and it keeps them from asking any questions. Or they just don't care, and while that kind of hurts, it's not like the trainers and stuff have ever been super keen on having a vampire around. Besides, as long as they aren't asking about it he's fine.

The game goes pretty well, it's a pretty boring and easy 5-2 win against the Canucks, and afterwards Nolan feels a sort of excitement at knowing that he's about to get more fresh blood again. Especially since it's going to be Travis'.

He follows Travis back to his apartment and parks next to him, and as they're heading inside Travis turns to him with a contemplative look on his face.

"Does what I eat affect how my blood tastes?"

Nolan isn't necessarily expecting the question, but he's not surprised that Travis would think of something like that and he nods.

"Yeah, in a way."

He doesn't go into much more detail and Travis doesn't seem to want to know anything more, so he doesn't say anything else and just sits down on the couch in the living room.

"So what do you like the best, then? Like, what's been your favorite blood flavor in regards to what people have eaten?"

Travis plops down next to him, choosing to sit almost completely plastered to Nolan's side even though there's an entire open couch for him to choose from, and Nolan considers his question.

"I mean...I've never really thought about it, but I guess it depends on what I'm craving at the time. Like, sometimes I want sweet blood, and sometimes I want spicy blood. And there's more than just that, too."

Travis nods and turns on his TV and Xbox, navigating to the games menu and setting everything up for them to play.

"What are you craving right now?"

It finally occurs to Nolan why Travis is asking these questions, and he barely holds back from just saying, you.

"Um, I guess spicy? And a little savory? I don't know, to be honest. Before the last time with you I hadn't had fresh blood in over five years."

"Five- what?"

Travis sounds entirely too shocked on his behalf, and Nolan rolls his eyes.

"It's fine, I've obviously made it this far."

Almost lost it a few times, but I still made it through, he says in his head, and pointedly doesn't look at Travis just in case he can somehow see it on his face.

"Aren't- aren't vampires supposed to feed on fresh blood at least a few times a year to make sure they're getting all the proper nutrients or whatever?"

Nolan shrugs a shoulder and focuses on the screen, where their game has started.

"I mean, technically yeah. But we can also still eat and drink normal foods too and they can give us nutrients we might not be able to get if we only drink bagged blood. Regular foods and drinks just don't keep us alive though, which is why we still need the bagged blood if we can't get fresh."

Travis pauses the game and Nolan sighs, finally looking over at him.

He looks awed, and a little- no, a lot worried, and Nolan hates how that makes his heart pulse in his chest.

"I promise I'm fine, though. Like I said, I've made it this far." He nudges Travis' knee with his own. "And hey, I have you now, don't I?"

He offers Travis a smile and after a second Travis relaxes a bit and returns it, some- but not all- of the worry bleeding away.

"Yeah, yeah you do."

He looks at Nolan for a moment longer and then turns back to their game, and they play for a while before he speaks again.

"So, how about Pad Thai?"

~•~

Feeding from Travis isn't as entirely overwhelming this time as it was the first time, probably because Nolan's not on the verge of losing it and turning feral like he was that time, but it's still a lot overwhelming in the sense that Travis still tastes like the best thing Nolan's ever had in his life and this time Nolan's still in his mind enough to hear how Travis moans and lets out little high-pitched pants every time Nolan pulls more blood from his body.

He can also feel the way Travis is clutching at his back and shoulders, his claws out and lightly pricking him through his shirt, and this time Nolan is getting hard before he's even had a chance to see what Travis looks like.

He feeds for a shorter period of time this time around, but it's still longer than he'd normally go on somebody mostly because he knows Travis can take it and also because the more he takes, the longer he can go before needing to feed again. And he'll need some time to recuperate before he can bring himself to feed from Travis again without giving in to his other desires.

When Nolan pulls away this time Travis is only at the edge of reaching his limit, but while he looks moderately more put together on that front when Nolan looks at him he still looks wrecked in every other way, and his arousal is somehow even sharper than it was before when it hits Nolan's nose.

"Shit, that...that feels really good," Travis breaths out, his eyes closing for a moment as he reigns in his shift again and calms down.

"Trust me, the feeling's mutual," Nolan says quietly, and when Travis' eyes snap open to find his he sees a flicker of something there that almost looks like-

But no, it couldn't be, and Nolan won't let himself believe something like that when it'll only hurt him more after it turns out to not be true.

They stand there in relative silence for a few seconds, their breathing being the only sounds in the room, and then Nolan steps away from where Travis is still pressed shirtless against his living room wall and turns towards the direction of the front door.

"Well, I better head out. Let you rest and deal with your- stuff."

He vaguely motions downwards and the blush in Travis' cheeks flares up again, and Nolan wonders just how red his own cheeks look now.

"Sure- yeah," Travis moves forward and hurries past Nolan to get the door for him, ever the gentleman.

"Thanks, by the way. For everything."

Nolan is standing outside the door but hasn't made a move to walk away yet, and Travis is still standing inside shirtless and looking like he doesn't want Nolan to leave.

"Yeah, of course. Like I said, anytime."

There's a moment of silence as something unspoken hangs in the air, and then just before Nolan turns to finally leave Travis speaks again.

"Listen- why don't we set up a schedule? Not for hanging out, obviously, since we do that all the time, but I mean for feeding. I noticed you needed a few bags at least once a week, two if you pushed it, and feeding from me seems to last longer for you, so...how about every other week? On Thursdays, or Fridays. And if we're on the road we can just do it in my hotel room. I can kick Sanny out for a few hours or something."

Nolan takes a moment to acknowledge that Travis really has memorized his feeding schedule, but he doesn't want to think about what that might mean just in case he's wrong, so he just chalks it up to it being something cute and moves on.

"Yeah, that works."

He and Travis smile at the same time and it makes Travis smile wider and eases some of the tension between them.

"I'll see you at optional skate tomorrow?"

Nolan nods and finally steps away.

"See you tomorrow, Travis."

He doesn't often call Travis by his full name out loud, and as expected it makes Travis' face soften and causes Nolan's chest to squeeze.

He's in so over his head already, and from the looks of it he is not getting out anytime soon.

~•~•~•~

They fall into an easy groove after that, and for the next month and a half they meet every other week for Nolan to feed, and he always goes home with new fantasy material.

It's becoming easier to deal with than he thought, though, and things almost seem to go back to normal between them. They just have something new that they do together now.

That is, until the holidays roll around and they get a few weeks off for Christmas and New Years.

The team gets together at G's house for an unspoken mandatory party before they all go home for the holidays, and it just so happens to line up with a feeding day for Nolan.

He's already talked to Travis about it, and they agreed that they'd spend time at the party and then go back to Travis' for Nolan to feed before they parted ways for a few weeks.

What he didn't think about but should have anticipated however, was G having laced alcohol for the supernatural creatures. Alcohol that Travis immediately starts drinking when they arrive, and ends up being drunk off his ass on.

Nolan drinks a little bit too, but even laced stuff doesn't do anything for him, and he's glad because he now has to be the designated driver for Travis. It also means he'll be the one who has to keep his head when he's done feeding, because Travis will definitely want to do something afterwards and Nolan will have to stands his ground and say no.

~•~

Saying no is hard to do when you're also drunk, though, and Nolan doesn't realize until he's halfway through feeding that Travis' blood alcohol level is actually getting him legitimately drunk too, which- huh. He didn't know that was something that could happen.

Travis is being extra loud tonight too, not holding back on his moaning or the roaming of his hands, and he even goes so far as to try and roll his hips forward into Nolan's. Which doesn't go very well when his covered hard-on comes into contact with the bulge in Nolan's pants, and they both moan simultaneously at the friction.

It's the first time Nolan has moaned while doing this, and the things it does to Travis do not at all help the situation.

Nolan isn't done feeding yet so he can't pull back even when Travis starts to rut against him with abandon, and he will forever deny the whine that leaves his throat when Travis gets a hand between them and cups him through his jeans.

"Do you want-" Travis gets out before he interrupts himself with a particularly filthy moan as Nolan sucks a little harder on his neck and hums. "So, is that a yes?" He asks breathlessly, and Nolan knows he should say no, knows in the back of his mind that they shouldn't be doing this, that he should force himself to stop even though he's not full yet and just leave, but his brain is being taken over by the alcohol in Travis' blood and at the moment everything else inside him is screaming at him to let him have this.

So, he does, and he makes an affirming sound as he drops a hand of his own to cover Travis' and press the smaller forward's hand back down over his hard-on.

"Fuck yes, finally," Travis mumbles, and Nolan does not have time to dissect whatever that's supposed to mean before Travis is undoing his jeans and reaching into his boxers to wrap a hand around Nolan.

Nolan's hands go to rest on Travis' hips and he moans at the feeling of someone else's hand around him, something he hasn't felt in a while, and as Travis starts to move his hand up and down Nolan realizes that Travis is squeezing in time with the rush of blood as it leaves him via Nolan's mouth.

Testing to see if he's doing it voluntarily or not, Nolan sucks a little harder during one of the pulls and then moans in time with Travis as the forward's hand does in fact squeeze around him a little harder.

Nolan repeats that action several times as he reaches the end of his feeding, and he does it one more time just to feel Travis' hand squeeze tightly again before he retracts his fangs and pulls away.

Normally he'd pull and step back completely, but since they're doing this now he figures he might as well stay close, and in an effort to get one last little taste of blood he sticks his tongue out and flattens it over his fang marks, licking over the wounds he's left that are already healing at an incredible rate.

"Oh, yeah," Travis mumbles, tilting his head even more to the side to give Nolan more room to work with, and in his blood and alcohol drunk state it makes something possessive inside of Nolan sing.

To have someone like Travis, a werewolf who's strength is only rivaled by a vampire's, offer himself up in such a vulnerable position so freely? It hits Nolan to the core.

"Travis," he says softly once he's licked a wet stripe up the side of his neck, all the way up to under his right ear, "Travis, you're so good to me. So good for me."

Travis presses into him and his hand squeezes again, making Nolan hum out a moan and leaving him even more defenseless against the wants he's been holding in for so long.

"Can I blow you? As a thank you for everything you've done for me?"

Nolan pulls back after asking to see Travis' face, and he's in awe at how beautiful the wolf looks with his eyes glowing such a brilliant gold and his perfect fangs just peeking out from his mouth behind lips that have clearly been bitten over and over again.

When they make eye contact Travis speeds his hand up and just nods, and Nolan lets him jerk his hand up and down a few more times before sinking to his knees in front of Travis and holding him up and against the wall by his hips as he undoes Travis' pants and pulls them and his boxers down to around his thighs.

He's only partially sad to not have Travis' hand wrapped around him anymore, especially since he knows he never will again after tonight, but he's more than willing to go without when he knows that he can at least have this next memory forever, something he's also been fantasizing about for months- blowing Travis and getting to watch him fall apart, getting to be the one that makes him fall apart, and then swallowing every last drop that he has to give.

He makes sure his fangs are completely retracted and then he licks his lips before looking up at Travis and slowly taking every inch of him into his mouth.

Travis watches him with half-lidded golden eyes, and they go just a little wide before closing completely when Nolan doesn't stop and just keeps pushing until Travis is completely inside him and even several inches down his throat.

A perk of being a vampire- he doesn't have a gag reflex to speak of.

"Oh- oh fuck, Pats- Nolan, fuck," Travis gets out, his hands sliding into Nolan's hair as he pulls halfway off and then starts up a rhythm going all the way down and almost all the way off, and Nolan's eyes flutter when Travis starts to tug at his hair. "Oh, you like that? Want me to do it some more?"

Travis pulls a little harder and Nolan involuntary moans around the cock in his mouth, sending a shiver he can feel up Travis' body as he moans in response.

"Shit, Nolan, fuck!"

He tugs at Nolan's hair again causing Nolan's cock to jump, and Nolan makes sure he can still support Travis with one hand on his hip before dropping the other to wrap around his cock and pull.

"God, you look so fucking pretty like this, Nolan," Travis nearly whispers, looking down at Nolan with a look of almost awe on his face, and Nolan does suppose he probably makes a pretty sight being on his knees with his lips wrapped around a cock and a hand on his own. "So fucking beautiful, can't believe it..."

Travis' eyes are starting to go a little out of focus and his hips and legs are starting to tremble slightly, and by the amount of precome that's started to drip down the back of Nolan's throat Nolan has the feeling that Travis is going to finish soon.

He pulls completely off for a second and licks his lips, holding back a smirk and a small moan at the soft and pleading growl that leaves Travis at the action.

"Don't worry, I'm not done. I just wanted to say that I want you to come down my throat. I want every last drop, I wanna see what you taste like this way."

He knows that's something that Travis will like to hear, and he's right, Travis' breath hitching and his fingers tightening in Nolan's hair as Nolan slides his mouth onto Travis' cock again. He immediately goes for the full deep throat one more time, and as he holds it in this time and swallows around it, Travis' whole body shudders and his grip in Nolan's hair becomes just the right kind of painful as he empties down Nolan's throat with a loud and drawn out shout that tapers off into a moan.

Nolan dutifully swallows all of it, and the tightness with which Travis is holding his hair sends him over the edge as well as he spills into his hand and over the wood flooring in Travis' room.

Once Travis is spent his knees give out and he falls, but Nolan is there to catch and carry him over to the bed.

"Fuck...Patty, that was 'mazing," he mumbles into his pillow as Nolan fixes his pants and pulls the blankets up around him.

After being drunk, being fed on, and having a blow job like that, Nolan knows that Travis will be out for a while even with his werewolf healing abilities.

"You..gonna stay?"

Nolan almost misses the question, but when the words register with his now almost clear brain his heart twists violently in his chest and he takes a deep breath.

"No...no, Teeks, I'm not. I- can't," he admits, hating how his voice cracks on the last word and how rough it sounds, proof of what he just did.

"Mm...why not?"

Travis sounds almost more than half asleep now and Nolan could just leave it, but he knows Travis at least deserves better than that.

"Because..." he goes to tell the truth, but then he can't find the words, and he swallows heavily. "Because my flight leaves early and I haven't actually finished packing yet."

He only partially lies, because he does need to finish packing, but his flight isn't until 3pm and he would have more than enough time to finish packing in the morning even if he stayed.

But Travis doesn't have to know that.

"Oh. Of course you haven't finished packing," Travis mumbles with a sleepy laugh, and Nolan's world comes crumbling down around him as he falls even more.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," Nolan can't help but chuckle even as tears prick at the corners of his eyes, and he wants to reach out a hand and brush some of Travis' hair from his face but he clenches his fists so hard it hurts just to keep from doing it. "Anyways, I gotta go. But I'll text you when I land tomorrow, okay?"

"M'kay. G'night, Patty."

Travis seems to settle further in to his bed, and Nolan steps away.

"Night, Travis."

He stands there watching for a moment before walking to the bathroom to get a cloth and wet it, avoiding looking at himself in the mirror as he also goes to tuck his cock back in his boxers and do up his pants.

Once he has the cloth he uses it to clean his hand and then walks out to clean Travis' floor, and when he's done he drops it in Travis' dirty clothes pile and turns off the light before leaving him to sleep.

Nolan gathers his things from the living room and puts his shoes back on by the front door, and before he leaves completely he takes one last glance back towards Travis' room and feels a sharp sting pierce through his chest.

He knows that can never happen again, shouldn't have happened in the first place, and for once he's glad he won't see Travis for almost another month. Because now he needs some time to figure out how to tell Travis they can't do this anymore.

~•~•~•~

Nolan does text Travis when he lands like he said he would, but after that he doesn't send any more texts and also doesn't respond to anything Travis sends.

He knows it's a bit rude, especially when they've been talking almost non-stop for the last five or so months, but he just can't do it right now. Can't act like everything is fine when nothing is okay at all.

Travis texts a couple times a day for the first week or so and then tapers off to once a day for about a week after that. The last text he sends during the break is on the day that Nolan would be feeding from him if they were in the same place, and all he says is that he hopes Nolan's staying healthy and having a great time with his family.

Nolan feels immensely bad again for having not said anything this whole time and he debates sending a quick text saying something similar in response, but he also knows that if he says something now Travis will start up texting all over again.

He's already having trouble keeping the memory of what they did out of his thoughts every waking second, he doesn't need Travis constantly texting him again.

So, he focuses on spending time with his family, which does help, and he decides that when he goes back to Philly he's going to tell Travis that they can't do it anymore. He knows he won't be able to not hang out with him sometimes, because he's still in so over his head for the man and they are still friends, but he can't bring himself to keep feeding when he knows that he's getting something out of it that is so much bigger than what Travis thinks or wants.

And he could never do that to someone, especially not Travis.

~•~•~•~

Nolan debates asking Travis to meet over text, but he decides it would be better to ask him in person when they see each other again at the first practice after the break.

He's expecting things to be a little awkward when they see each other again for the first time, but he's also still expecting Travis to talk to him, which is why he's honestly surprised when he tries to catch Travis' eye in the locker room when he walks in and the forward doesn't even spare him a glance.

He figures he deserves it though and that he'll just catch Travis on the ice, so he leaves it and catches up with the guys around him as they change for practice.

Somehow, Travis still manages to avoid him all through practice, and it wouldn't completely be a problem if everyone who knew them well didn't notice. Even then, Nolan could handle it if Claude himself didn't decide to say something.

"Hey, what's up with you and TK? Did something happen over break, because I thought you two had figured out your stuff?"

Nolan frowns and gives his captain a look.

"What stuff? Also, no. We didn't really talk, but I'm sure everything is fine."

He knows he shouldn't lie, especially to Claude of all people, but he also doesn't want to discuss with the man the inner workings of his and Travis' very complicated relationship- friendship- whatever.

Claude gives him a look like he's out of his mind, and Nolan is about to ask what the problem is when the man just shakes his head and sighs.

"Okay. Well, whatever's going on you two should figure it out."

Nolan just gives him a nod and then Claude skates away, leaving Nolan to be the last one on the ice.

Oh, except- he's not the last one, there's still one person down at the other end fishing pucks out of the net, and it only takes a second before Nolan realizes who it is; it's Travis, and the way he glances back to where Nolan is and then quickly looks away makes it seem like he was waiting for him.

"Hey, Teeks," Nolan calls, and he refuses to acknowledge the way something in his chest slightly relaxes when Travis turns towards him and they make eye contact for the first time since that night.

"Oh, so now you wanna talk to me?"

And- yeah, he probably deserves that too.

"Yeah, about that...you wanna grab lunch?"

Travis just stares at him for a moment, the lines of his face showcasing his anger, but it only takes a few seconds before they're changing into something softer as he nods and looks down at the ice.

"Yeah, sure. How about we eat at my place, though? I can order from that Vietnamese place you like."

He's tapping at the ice with his stick, and in that moment he looks so much like a little kid asking for something he wants that Nolan's heart hurts with how fond he is of this man.

"Yeah, that works for me."

~•~

Almost an hour and a half later sees them sitting across from each other at the island in Travis' kitchen, each with their respective food choices and drinks.

They've been talking about random things, catching up on what happened over the holidays and swapping funny family stories, but once they start eating things quiet down until Travis glances up at Nolan and clears his throat.

"So. What did you, uh, wanna talk about?"

Nolan thought he had prepared for this moment, but suddenly he doesn't know quite what to say.

"Well, um," he puts his chopsticks down and folds his hands together in front of him, staring at his spring rolls and then taking a deep breath and looking up at Travis steadily. "I don't think I should feed from you anymore."

It hurts to say, and watching Travis frown in confusion and then get a look on his face like he knows why doesn't help.

"Is it...because of what happened the night before we left?"

Nolan nods once and looks back down at his food.

"Yeah."

There's a few seconds of silence, and Travis shifts in his seat.

"We could just not do that part, then. We could go back to what we did before- you could feed and then just...go home."

Nolan glances up at him, and he hates how his voice sounds a little gravely when he speaks.

"Do you really think we'd be able to do that?"

There's more silence, and this time it starts to stretch into something uncomfortable before Travis finally talks again.

"I mean...maybe we could still do all of that and just- not have it mean anything."

Nolan looks up and their eyes meet.

"It could just be part of the feeding, in a way. It doesn't have to mean anything beyond that if you don't want it to."

Those words do two things to Nolan- give him stupid hope that maybe he could still have this in whatever twisted way he can, and snuff out any hope he may have had that Travis returns his feelings. Because if Travis can put the sex without feelings offer on the table, then it means he's really only interested in the physical aspect.

And Nolan could be okay with that, but he's not sure how long he could go before it gets to be too much- being so intimate with the man he so deeply cares for and not getting anything else from him.

"How did it feel to not have fresh blood for three weeks? How are you feeling right now?"

Nolan isn't expecting the question so it catches him slightly off guard, and he has to switch gears for a moment before answering.

"Um- well, to be honest, not great. I had to drink some of the bagged blood my family keeps, and it was better than what they have for the team, but it still sucked. And as for right now, I feel kinda drained. Like I already need more even though I just drank two bags four days ago."

Travis nods slowly and then tilts his head a little to the side.

"And how would you feel going back to bagged blood for the rest of the season?"

Even thinking about tasting the bagged blood they have for him at the arena again  makes his stomach roll a little and he purses his lips for a moment before shrugging a shoulder.

"I think I'd hate it even more than I did before, to be honest, but I could do it."

Something in Travis' face softens and he gives Nolan an earnest look.

"The thing is, you don't have to."

Their gazes lock for a few meaningful moments and then Nolan looks away, too afraid of what Travis might see in his eyes if he looks long enough.

"And hey, I'm not trying to pressure you into anything. If you seriously only wanna do the feeding and nothing else, I can hold my shit together for that. I'm not gonna make you do something that you don't wanna do or that would make you uncomfortable, Patty, I would hate myself for that."

Nolan knows he's telling the truth, knows that Travis really can hold himself back from something if he really has to, and he appreciates the sincerity in his fellow forward's tone.

Nolan also knows that deep down he really wouldn't be able to hold off from doing something with Travis again for long, whether it be just feeding or getting his mouth around Travis' cock again, so he gives in to the nagging in his brain telling him to take what Travis is offering even if it'll slowly eat him from the inside out.

"I know you wouldn't make me do something I didn't want to do. So trust me when I say that I'm fine if we keep going." He looks up to meet Travis' eyes and stays there. "With all of it. The feeding, the...all of it. Everything we did that night, I'm cool with. As long as it doesn't mean anything."

Something is already cracking inside of him as he says that, lies and pretends that being with Travis like that isn't everything he's been wanting and more, and he doesn't even really register the faint dissapointment and hurt that flickers over Travis' own face before the forward plasters on a smirk and nods.

"Sounds good to me, Pats. And speaking of which, it is the end of the week, so...do you need to feed?"

He does, truthfully, and so he nods and dutifully follows Travis as the smaller man gets up and beckons him back to the bedroom.

And if he comes with his hand around himself, Travis' cock down his throat, and Travis' hands in his hair while his soul breaks apart a little more, nobody has to know.

~•~•~•~

They spend the next couple months getting back onto a schedule, meeting every other week for feeding and other things and then going about their regular lives as if nothing has changed.

Except everything has changed for Nolan, and he can't ignore or deny the way doing this with Travis has both immensely helped with their chemistry both on and off the ice and also ruined him for anyone else. Because they've gotten so fluid with each other on the ice now that they're actually almost single-handedly winning games for the Flyers left and right, and they spend so much time together that the whole team's started to joke that they're becoming attached at the hip; but Nolan is also so goddamn head over heels for everything this man does and is that he doesn't know if he'll ever recover once Travis decides that he's had enough and chooses to move on.

Nolan feels like he's being torn apart and put back together over and over again, his heart being ripped to shreds every time he thinks about how Travis isn't and never will be just his, how their relationship is nothing more than fuck-buddy adjacent, only to have it stitched back together every time Travis moans the sweetest words to him or they score a goal together and Travis screams so happily in his face while gripping him in a tight hug.

What kills him the most though is when he's laying in bed with Travis one night after feeding and he realizes that Travis has wholly and truly taken over every part of him, and not just metaphorically- he's physically inside of Nolan at all times now,  his very blood the only thing pumping through Nolan's veins, and Nolan's throat nearly closes up when he realizes that when he bleeds, he bleeds Travis' blood. That it's Travis that makes him blush in more ways than one, Travis who makes his heart beat, Travis who literally keeps him alive, and that's when he fully acknowledges the words he's been dreading to give weight for months now-

He's in love with him. Nolan Patrick is in love with Travis Konecny, his heart and body tied to him in a way vampires aren't supposed to be tied to anyone who isn't their future or current mate, and the acknowledgment of that simple truth hits him so hard he literally stops breathing for a moment.

He's so incredibly grateful that Travis is asleep, because he suddenly feels like everything is too much and too heavy, and if he doesn't leave now he's going to do something incredibly stupid like wake Travis up and tell him everything.

So he leaves, grabs the few pieces of clothing from the floor he had shed in their relocation to the bed, grabs his shoes and keys, and leaves Travis alone in his apartment.

It's not the first time he's left in the middle of the night, he doesn't usually stay anyway, but it is the first time he's left knowing he can truly never go back, and he's able to at least make it to his car and send Travis a quick text letting him know he'll see him at practice in a couple days before he finally lets go and starts crying.

It's nearly 3am and there are a few people still awake and also going to their cars, but Nolan doesn't care if they see him. He's reached his breaking point, and while he knew he'd get here eventually he was hoping he'd be able to handle everything better.

Of course, as usual, he was wrong, but there's nothing he can do about it now. Now, he just has to figure out how to deal with the consequences.

~•~•~•~

Nolan doesn't see Travis until practice like he said he would, and while he had two days to prepare to see him again he's still not expecting the way his heart begins to hammer so loudly and painfully in his chest when he catches sight of Travis' grin.

"Hey, Pats! How ya doing today, bud?"

Nolan wants to just get it over with, wants to blurt out that he won't be coming over anymore so that he can just have it out there and then they can move on, but he's quickly reminded that they are currently surrounded by the entire team in the locker room and he realizes now would be the absolute worst time to do that.

So he just offers Travis a small smile and steps back to continue putting on his gear.

"Doing great. Have a good couple days?"

"Oh, the best."

Travis winks at him and then moves on to talk to other players and make his way to his own stall, and Nolan physically sags as soon as Travis isn't looking at him any more.

He thinks about when he might be able to talk to Travis, wants to do it soon, but then he thinks about how dissapointed Travis might be and how he might not be able to actually go through with ending things if he has to watch Travis look sad and it makes him think of doing something else instead.

So then, as he finishes getting ready and then moves to head out onto the ice, he makes a decision that he hopes won't ruin everything.

He decides he just won't say anything at all.

~•~•~•~

That turns out to be the worst decision he's ever made in his life.

~•~•~•~

It starts out fairly simple and easy.

As the next two weeks progress, Nolan finds ways to get out of hanging out with Travis. A trip to the store here, a couple errands there, calling his family then.

It's surprisingly easy for Travis to let him off the hook for it all, and Nolan thinks that maybe they'll get through this just fine.

When the next feeding comes around, he debates what to do and decides to just not show up.

He grabs a couple blood bags he's had on ice for a while and warms them up, and as he sits down on the couch to drink them and find a movie to watch, his phone starts to ring.

It's Travis, probably wondering where he is, and Nolan lets it go to voicemail and then winces every time his phone buzzes with a text.

After an hour of that and another two phone calls (because he feels like torturing  himself apparently), Nolan finally silences his phone and throws it onto the other couch in his apartment.

He just hopes Travis doesn't decide to just come over, because he would, and Nolan really can't deal with that right now.

~•~

Travis doesn't comes over, and when Nolan dares to check his phone before going to sleep he finds that Travis didn't stop texting until almost three hours after he silenced his phone. The messages did taper off after a while and were less frequent by the end, along with no more phone calls.

Nolan doesn't read any of them, just plugs his phone in and goes to sleep, and as he drifts off he thinks about how he's going to explain this to Travis at practice in the morning.

~•~•~•~

"Hey, what happened last night?"

Nolan has barely made it into the arena before Travis is next to him and talking, and he had hoped he'd at least make it to the locker room first.

He opens his mouth to answer, but then Travis abruptly stops walking and Nolan does too out of confusion.

"What?"

Travis is staring at him with an unreadable but almost apprehensive look on his face, and Nolan doesn't understand what's going on.

"Did you...are you drinking from the bags again?"

Noman immediately feels himself flush with guilt and embarrassment at Travis just being able to know, and he knows that he doesn't even really have to answer now since Travis can clearly see the dulled pink of his cheeks.

His cheeks are only ever this shade when he drinks from the bags, and Travis would know, since he's had a front row seat to how Nolan looks on fresh blood for months now.

"Yeah...I did this morning." He lies, and he hates doing it, but it's what he came up with to tell Travis. "I fell asleep last night and completely missed going over to your place, and I didn't wanna make a big deal out of it so I just drank some stuff this morning to hold me over."

Travis studies him for a long time and then seems to relax slightly, accepting his words.

"Okay. You know you could've just come over tonight instead, but it's okay. I get it." He smiles at Nolan and Nolan wishes it would make him feel better. "We'll just plan for two weeks from now, yeah?"

Nolan nods and they finally head to the locker room, and he hopes he can come up with something else believable in that time so he doesn't have to go.

~•~•~•~

As it turns out, Travis is the one who can't do it this time, and Nolan would be thankful if it didn't involve Travis having to take a sudden trip home for an family emergency.

It's early Thursday, they had a game last night and don't have another one until Saturday, with practice on Friday, so Nolan has no idea why Travis is calling him at three o'clock in the morning.

"'Ello?" He mumbles into the phone, barely coherent, but the sudden urgency in Travis' tone as he responds jolts him fully awake.

"Nolan, um- I, uh, can I ask you a favor?"

Travis never uses his full first name like this, not unless they're-

So something must really be wrong.

"What's wrong, Trav?"

"Um, I need a ride to the airport. I can’t find an Uber and I didn't wanna bother anyone else, not that I wanna bother you, but-"

"Hey, Travis, breath. It's okay, I'll come get you." He's already up and pulling on a T-shirt, his phone on speaker as he walks through his apartment to find his keys, wallet, and shoes. "What's going on?"

"I have to get a flight home, today, like, right now, because-" his voice breaks a little on the last word and Nolan's heart clenches painfully. "My mom and Chase were in an accident. My dad doesn't know how bad it is, but-"

Nolan's chest aches as Travis' voice catches in an obvious sign that he's on the verge of tears, and he wishes he could wrap him in a hug and just hold him.

"Hey, I'm sure everyone is okay. I'm on my way now and I'll get you to the airport, just have your stuff ready, okay?"

"Okay. Thanks, Pats."

He already sounds a little better, and Nolan relaxes slightly.

"Of course. I'll be there soon."

He waits for Travis to hang up and then jumps in his car, breaking all sorts of laws as he rushes to get to Travis' apartment. It's a miracle he doesn't get pulled over.

When he gets to the complex Travis is waiting outside with his overnight bag that he uses for one day roadies, and Nolan can tell he's been crying when he looks up from his phone screen and catches sight of Nolan's car.

Nolan doesn't wait for him to walk over, just parks at the curb and leaves the car running before jumping out and walking quickly over to Travis.

"Hey, Trav. I'm so sorry," he says softly as he gives in a little and pulls Travis into a hug, but Travis seems more than okay with it as he hugs back tightly and buries his face in Nolan's neck.

"I'm just- I just want them to be okay," he mumbles, and Nolan fights against the shiver that wants to run down his back at the feeling of Travis' breath on his skin.

That's not why he's here.

"They're both wolves, right?"

Travis nods and Nolan pulls back to look him in the eyes.

"Then I'm sure they'll be okay. Let's get you home to see them, alright?"

Travis nods and let's Nolan take his bag from him. They walk to the car and head to the airport in an understandably tense silence, and though Travis is quiet he's still got plenty of nervous movement.

"Oh- Patty, you need to feed, don't you?" Travis says quietly as they pull into a spot at the airport, and Nolan's heart weakly skips.

"It's okay. I still have some bags left, I can use them this weekend."

They get out of the car and Nolan takes Travis' bag from the back seat, glancing up to see Travis looking at him with a forlorn expression.

"I'm so sorry, Pats. I know the bags aren't as good for you and that you hate them, I'm so sorry this is happening right now-"

"Travis, hey," Nolan interrupts him before he can spiral, "I promise it's okay. Your family is more important."

Travis opens his mouth like he wants to disagree, but whatever he was going to say dies in his throat and his shoulders slump slightly as he nods.

"Yeah, okay."

They walk into the airport and Travis is uncharacteristically quiet, something Nolan realizes he really doesn't like.

"Can I get a one-way ticket to London International Airport in Ontario, please?" Travis asks the attendant behind the kiosk at an area marked Ticket Sales, and she nods and starts to search something on her computer.

"What class?"

"Whatever's the cheapest-"

"Whatever is the soonest and most comfortable. I'm paying," Nolan interrupts, and the lady just nods and continues her search as Travis looks over at him with wide eyes.

Nolan chances a look at him and is frozen for a second at the way Travis looks like he wants to kiss him.

Nolan wishes more than anything that he really did.

"Nols, you don't have to."

He sounds so soft, and Nolan wants to scream.

"Yes, I do. You don't need to worry about money right now, and I know you wanna get there as soon as possible to make sure they're okay and be with your dad." He looks away from Travis and fishes in his pocket for his wallet. "Besides, I owe you for a lot."

And I've gotta make up for everything I'm doing right now.

"Thank you," is all Travis says to that, and it's a testament to how worried and emotional he is that he doesn’t put up any more fight against Nolan paying.

Nolan wishes he could go with him.

After they set up the flight and Nolan pays, the ticket lady asks if Travis wants to check his bag, and when he says no she nods and goes to print the paperwork he'll need.

"Safe travels, Mr. Patrick," she says as she hands them over to Travis, and Nolan knows it's just a slip of her tongue since she's probably thinking of his name being on the payment receipt, but it still makes his brain short circuit.

"Thank you," is Travis' reply, and he sounds genuine and his smile is real as he reaches over to take his ticket and boarding pass.

Nolan knows it was just an accident and that Travis probably- obviously- didn't even notice, but- it makes something inside him feel funny.

Once Travis has his ticket, first class seating on a flight that leaves in an hour, Nolan walks him to the TSA area and then just stands with his hands in his pockets, not sure what to do or say.

"Hey," Travis says softly, and Nolan's heart tugs as he looks up into Travis' wide and thankful eyes. "Thank you, really. This means the world to me, Patty. You-" he abruptly cuts himself off and his cheeks briefly color before something shuts down on his face and he seems to take a mental step back.

Nolan wonders what that's about.

"It's no problem, really. And hey, keep me updated. Let me know how everyone is, and let me know whenever you head back. I don’t care what time it is, I'll be here to pick you up."

Travis has that look on his face again like he wants to kiss Nolan, although this time he looks slightly pained as well, and Nolan has to clench his hands in his pockets to not reach out and kiss him first just to try and make that pain go away.

"You have no idea how much I appreciate this, and you. Thank you, and yeah, I'll definitely keep you in the loop."

"Thanks," Nolan replies, and Travis gives him a small smile before he takes his bag and begins to make his way through the TSA line.

Nolan waits until he makes it through, tells himself it's because he just wants to ensure Travis makes it through okay, and he feels his cheeks heat when Travis actually looks back and sees him still waiting.

He waves and Travis gives him a full, genuine smile before waving back and then walking off, and Nolan just knows that the process of distancing and going back to bagged blood is going to be more painful than anything he's ever done before.

Something in him says it will be worth it eventually-  he doesn't believe it right now, but he hopes someday he will.

~•~•~•~

Thankfully, everyone ends up being okay.

It was a minor fender bender in which Chase's car got flipped upside down and they had to use machinery to get him and his mom out, but they made it through with only three broken bones between them and a mild concussion for Chase.

Travis is back within a week, and like he promised Nolan is there to pick him up from the airport.

He gently refuses Travis' offer to hang out by stating that he's really tired from the overtime loss they just suffered earlier in the day to the Avalanche, and Travis lets him go and doesn't push for anything.

Nolan is grateful, but as the next week approaches and another scheduled feeding time comes, he begins to scramble to find a way to get out of it or miss it entirely.

And that opportunity comes in the form of Kevin Hayes.

"Hey, baby cat, what are you doing this weekend?"

They've just finished up a practice and Nolan, who came in late after talking to AV, is just taking off his skates.

He glances over to Travis' stall and finds it empty, and he's relieved for all of two seconds before guilt washes over him.

"I don't have any plans. Why?"

Kevin looks happy that Nolan doesn't have anything to do, and he motions to a few people around the room.

"Hartsy, Beezer, Frosty, and I were planning on going camping and wondered if you'd like to come."

Nolan shrugs a shoulder and stands to start taking off his gear.

"When would we leave?"

"Thursday afternoon, and we'd come back Sunday evening," Joel answers, and Kevin looks at Nolan expectantly.

"Well, whad'ya think?"

Nolan chances a glance at Travis' stall and guiltily thinks about how this would be the perfect opportunity to miss another feeding, but Kevin misunderstands his gaze.

"We did already ask TK, but he said he's got plans. Figured we'd still ask you anyway just in case those plans didn't include you."

They probably did, but not anymore, he thinks before nodding towards Kevin and offering a small smile.

"Yeah, works for me."

"Cool!" He slaps Nolan on the shoulder. "I'll text you the details, then!"

Kevin turns and heads back to his stall, thumping Carter on the back as he passes.

"Patty's coming with us!"

The few guys going give up a cheer and Nolan starts to smile, but it completely dissappears and a cold shiver washes down his spine as Travis suddenly speaks from where he's come back in from the showers.

"You're going camping with them?"

Somehow, everyone in the room can hear the underlying strain in Travis' tone, so of course they all go quiet as Nolan glances around and then chances a look over at him.

He hates how Travis looks betrayed, and Nolan immediately looks away and focuses on undoing his pads.

"Um- yeah."

He holds back from asking if it's okay, because it's not like he has to ask permission to live his own life.

That doesn't mean he doesn't still feel like he's doing something wrong, though.

"Oh. Okay."

Nolan is caught completely off guard by Travis giving in so easily, but it's not like he really wants to make it a big thing and especially not in the middle of the locker room with almost everyone here. So he just takes the win silently, even though he feels like he doesn't deserve this kind of passive treatment and almost wishes Travis would fight him on it.

Nolan takes another glance around and finds a number of players sharing looks and whispering things to each other, and he just knows they're speculating on what's just taken place.

Sighing heavily and not liking the guilt that's starting to really eat away at his conscience, Nolan decides to forgo showering at the arena and just wait until he gets home.

"Hey Kev, just send me the details so I know what to pack," he calls as he gathers his things and makes to leave, and Kevin lifts a hand in his direction.

"Sounds good, Patty. See you for the game tomorrow."

Nolan leaves after that and very purposely doesn't look in Travis' direction, and it's not until he gets home that he sees the texts Travis sent him.

Trav:

[10:22]
Hey, I hope you have fun with the guys this weekend.

[10:23]
I know this was supposed to be a week that we got together to feed, but I also understand that spending time with the guys is important and something you like doing. So have fun and raise a glass or two for me, eh?

[10:34]
We just really gotta make sure to get back on schedule when you get back so you don't have to go back to the bags for the rest of the season.

Nolan ends up sitting at his kitchen table and staring at the messages for a long time.

He doesn't respond.

~•~•~•~

The game the next day goes decidedly awfully.

They're playing the Blue Jackets, at home, and coming off another four game winning streak, only to lose 7-4 after fumbling a 3-0 lead in the second period.

Nolan wants to blame it on a number of things, and he does, both out-loud and in his head; but in the back of his mind he also recognizes that the chemistry he and Travis have built up over the months has started to unravel, and tonight made it especially obvious.

Three of the goals that Columbus made were off of failed passes between Travis and Nolan, because neither of them seemed to realize where the other one was- and another of the opposing goals happened after Travis accidentally blocked Nolan from scoring and ended up practically giving the puck to the other team.

AV chews out everyone in the locker room that night, but Nolan can tell a lot of it is directed at him and Travis.

He wishes there were a way to fix it.

~•~•~•~

Nolan goes on the trip with Kevin, Carter, Joel, and Morgan that weekend, and for the most part it's actually incredibly refreshing.

He hadn't realized how much he missed being outdoors and just relaxing, and since they're far enough away from society and prying eyes he can even feed a little from various wild animals around the campsite. It's still nowhere near as good as fresh blood from a human or human-adjacent creature, but it's a definite step up from days old bagged blood.

The only part that bothers him, though it only happens on the first day and is quickly brought to an end by Morgan once Nolan's discomfort becomes clear, are the questions he's asked about what's going on with him and Travis.

"So, baby cat. What's up with you and the missus?"

They're all sitting around a campfire that Joel so expertly made using his magic and enjoying some hot chocolate courtesy of Morgan, and Nolan rolls his eyes at Kevin's question and one of the frequent titles given to Travis when the team talks about him in regards to Nolan.

"There's nothing up. TK and I are fine."

"Then why did he sound like something was wrong when he found out you were gonna go with us?" Carter asks before taking a sip from his thermos, and Nolan shrugs a shoulder, looking down to pick at the hem of his hoodie.

"Don't know. Maybe he thought we had plans."

"Did you? Is that why he said he couldn't come?"

Nolan swallows as a thick ball of guilt starts to form in his throat, and he just shrugs again.

"Not that I know of," he answers quietly, hating that he has to lie, and he wishes that they would just stop asking about it.

"Hey, guys, let's just leave it alone, alright? It's not important, and if something's wrong they'll work it out like they always do. Right?"

Kevin and Carter grumble an agreement, dissapointed that they can't grill Nolan for gossip like they like to do with everyone, and Joel just raises his hands in a gesture that says he hadn't been involved and wasn't planning on being.

Nolan gives Morgan a smile and nod in thanks, and the topic changes to whether or not Ryanne is pregnant.

Nolan only half listens, too focused on something that Morgan had said.

"If something's wrong they'll work it out like they always do."

He's not wrong, and Nolan knows that he and Travis have always been able to work out whatever issue has arisen in their friendship, but he's starting to wonder now if this is one that can ever be fixed. Wonders if they'll ever be able to get back to where they were before Nolan got on his knees that first time. Before he agreed to do the one thing he knew he wouldn't be able to come back from.

Something burns in his chest at the thought that he might have ruined everything by ever taking Travis up on his offer, and he blinks back tears as Kevin and Morgan start laughing loudly about something.

Nolan just hopes that eventually, once he's managed to get to a place where he can better handle being friends with Travis and nothing more, they can have everything that they used to.

~•~•~•~

When they get back from the camping trip they have a home practice and then a five day road trip consisting of three games, and each one gets progressively worse in some way.

The first one is against the Rangers, and while it's not a particularly spectacular loss it's still a hard 5-4 giveaway in overtime.

The second one is worse in that they don't score at all and get shut out by the Coyotes 4-0, which is humiliating enough in and of itself.

The final one is where it really hurts, though, because while they do score three times, there are penalties being given left and right and Travis himself gets in about three fights and tries to start a couple more, which eventually almost gets him pulled from the game. The cherry on top, however, is not even that they lose 6-3; it's that they lose 6-3 to the Penguins.

There's a lot to pick apart in each game regarding what they did wrong, and the whole team knows that AV is going to detail everything for them at the first not-so-optional skate they're going to have the day after they get home, but there is one common denominator in each game that really sealed the deal on each loss.

And that was Nolan and Travis' frankly disastrous game play.

Nolan knew when he decided to stop the feedings, in the back of his head, that it would affect more than just that side of their friendship. He had known that there was a good chance of it spilling over into the hockey side of things, but now he's seeing just how badly it's throwing them and the whole team off and he truly does not know what to do.

~•~•~•~

When they get back to Philly it's a Tuesday, and Nolan knows that according to the schedule he and Travis had been sticking to that they're supposed to have another get together this Thursday or Friday.

He's not sure how to get out of this one this time, and as he drives to the arena for the optional skate on Wednesday (that they had been told was more of a required thing after the way they had been playing) he thinks that maybe now is the time to tell Travis that he can't do it anymore. Maybe he's ready for that conversation at least, and maybe he can get through at least a half-explanation as to why.

The skate goes about as well as any of them were expecting. They all get thoroughly chewed out by AV and are then put through a series of hated drills that they all know they deserve, and by the end of it all, everyone, including the supernaturals, is visibly exhausted.

Nolan just wants to go home now and maybe drink a bag or two of blood, but before he can even make it into the locker room to change he's stopped at the bench with a firm grip on his shoulder by Claude.

"Hey. Why don't you join me and Ryanne for dinner tonight?"

It's phrased as an invitation, but based off the tone of his voice and the stern look he's giving Nolan guesses it's more of an order, and one he should definitely not disobey. So he drops his shoulders and looks down with a sigh, nodding.

"Yeah, I can do that."

"Good. Be there at seven."

Claude releases his grip and gives him a solid pat before turning and walking away, and Nolan stays where he is for a few seconds before following.

He has a feeling that tonight is going to be more than just a friendly get together.

~•~

As he was told, Nolan shows up at the Giroux household at exactly 7 o'clock, and he's greeted by a smiling Ryanne.

"Hey, Nolan. Come on in."

She lets him in and then gives him a quick hug, and her calming fae magic puts him at ease.

"You're holding so much, Nolan," she says softly when then pull apart, her face worried. "Tonight's the night you let some of that go, okay?"

She always has this effect on people, making them feel safe, welcome, and comfortable in her presence, and it makes him want to cry as he nods.

"Yes, ma'am."

She gives him another smile and pats his arm.

"Good. Now come on, I've got pot roast and mashed potatoes for us and Claude's mouth has been watering for hours."

Nolan chuckles lightly and follows her through the front hall and kitchen to where Claude is waiting for them at the table in the dining room.

"Nolan, glad you could make it."

That's what really drives it home for Nolan that this is more than just a nice gesture; Claude rarely uses his first name like that unless he's being incredibly serious about something.

Thankfully, Claude doesn't say anything at dinner, and Nolan actually really enjoys himself and the food as he just talks with the couple about his family and a little about the current season.

When they finish eating (both the main meal and dessert, a cheesecake that Ryanne promises she'll teach Nolan how to make) and they've all cleared the table and taken their dishes into the kitchen, Claude beckons Nolan into the living room with two beers in his hands.

"Come in here with me, I've got something we need to talk about."

Nolan hesitates in the kitchen, and after a second Ryanne steps over and places her hands on his shoulders.

"Remember what I said?"

He lets go of some of the tension he'd suddenly taken on and nods, and she looks back and forth between his eyes for a moment before her lips quirk up the slightest bit and she hums.

"You have a secret, something that is weighing on your heart, and tonight you need to get it out. But I know how scary it can be telling someone your deepest secret when you don't know one of theirs- so I'll let you in on something Claude and I have been keeping for a bit, alright?"

Nolan doesn't understand, but then he feels as she unfolds some of her magic, magic that he hadn't even realized she had been using, and at first he's confused as to how that's a secret but then he hears it-

A second heartbeat, quiet but strong, beating just off-kilter with her own.

When he realizes what it is his eyes go impossibly wide, and his mouth opens in a silent gasp. Ryanne laughs softly and folds her concealment magic back together.

"Now, as we will keep whatever you share a secret, I trust that you will keep this one as well until we are ready to share it."

Nolan nods without hesitation, and he's in a state of awe that they would trust him with something like this.

It makes him believe that he can definitely trust Claude with what he needs to say himself.

"I promise, not a soul will know."

"Not even Travis?"

She's got a twinkle in her eye and a knowing, playful hint in her tone as she says it, and Nolan feels himself flush as deeply as he's able as he realizes that she somehow already knows.

"Not even him, I swear," he says earnestly, and she laughs again and smooths her hands down his arms before stepping away and giving him a kind smile.

"Don't swear. I believe you. Now get in there, and get it out."

He gives her a nod and a smile and heads into the living room, suddenly feeling much less apprehensive about how this talk is going to go.

"Have a seat," Claude says when he finally enters, not seeming to care that it took him an extra minute, and Nolan gets the feeling that he and Ryanne planned that reveal.

Nolan sits on the other end of the couch Claude is on and faces him, taking the offered beer and sipping on it as he waits for Claude to start the conversation.

"So. I won't try and pretend like I don't know everything's gone to shit, because it's obvious in the way you and TK have gone from the best pair on the team to one of the main reasons we've been barreling downhill recently, but I also won't try and pretend like I know exactly what's going on. Because I don't. And partly as your captain, but mostly as your friend, I wanna give you the opportunity to talk about it. Because I know you, Patty, better than most of the guys on the team, and I know that you haven't and wouldn't talk to anyone about it unless forced. And I'm not trying to say that I'm forcing you here, but if you don't at least shed a little light on the situation so I can try and help I'm gonna be forced to go higher up the chain, and nobody wants that."

Nolan winces at the thought of someone like AV sitting him down and demanding an explanation, and he shakes his head in agreement.

"So. With that said, I'm listening. Take your time, though, we've got nowhere to be, and don't be scared. I'm not here to judge, I'm just here to listen."

Nolan appreciates him for that, and he says as much before taking a deep breath and pushing away the thoughts creeping at the corner of his mind that are telling him to clam up and keep running from the problem.

He doesn't want to do that anymore.

"Well...I don't really know how to start, so I guess I'll just get this out of the way first: I've been feeding from TK for almost six months now."

To his credit, Claude doesn't look all that surprised, or at least he wouldn't to someone who didn't know him well. But Nolan can tell by the way his eyebrows go flying up and he brings a hand up to rest on his chin and cover part of his mouth that Claude wasn't exactly expecting that.

"Oh? Well, that would partly explain the sudden click in your on-ice chemistry."

Nolan nods and looks down at his beer.

"Yeah, that was for sure a part in it. And at first, it was just that- just the feeding, and then I would go home. But..." his cheeks color, partly because he feels embarrassed about telling Claude this kind of stuff and partly because he feels bad that he's going to be revealing something a little personal about Travis at the same time.

"Hey, I'm not your dad, remember? Right now, I'm just a friend and an ear, and like I said, I'm not here to judge."

Nolan glances up and gives him a nod, and then takes another breath before continuing on.

"The only problem was, every time we did it, TK, he...got turned on."

Nolan is quiet for a beat too long after that, so Claude decides to help him along.

"And you helped him with it, didn't you?"

Nolan's cheeks already feel way too warm, and he knows it's only going to get worse from here.

"Not at first, no. In fact, the whole time we did it during the first half of the season, before the holiday break, we never did anything beyond feeding." He pauses, picking at the label on the bottle. "It was hard for me, though, because-" and this is it, the thing he's never told anyone- "Because I have feelings for him."

This time Claude doesn't look even remotely surprised, and Nolan's only partly dissapointed that he was obvious enough for Claude to figure it out. Not like it's hard for Claude to ever figure things out, though.

"And it was hard to hold back?"

Nolan starts to nod, and then goes into a half shrug.

"Well, sort of? I'd already been holding back quite a bit of stuff for a while, because I've had these feelings for a long time, longer than just this season, but the hardest part wasn't necessarily holding back from getting him off. It was that I was getting turned on by it too and that the feeding for me was so much more than what I know it was for him, even at that time."

Claude just nods, and Nolan leans back against the arm rest.

"But then, the party you threw before we all left for the holidays happened, and..."

"TK got drunk."

Nolan nods.

"TK got drunk, which wouldn't have necessarily been a problem, but then I didn't realize I could get drunk off his blood, so I fed from him and actually got a little alcohol drunk for the first time in my life. And with already being a little blood drunk, adding actual alcohol drunkenness made me forget why I was holding back and instead focus on the fact that I had Travis right where I wanted him and that he wanted me too."

His face screws up and he looks down.

"Only, after we did it I knew that it didn't mean anything to him beyond that, and it hurt. I also didn't want to do stuff like that with him casually when I knew it meant more to me than it ever would to him, and I didn't want to do that to him. So I didn't talk to him over break, and I decided that I'd just stop feeding from him entirely when we got back so that the temptation wouldn't even be there."

Claude's brow dents slightly and his tilts his head to the side.

"Well I knew something was going on from the first practice back, which was why I said something to you then, but after that you guys started playing on a whole 'nother level."

Nolan sighs and runs a hand through his hair.

"Yeah, because I tried to tell TK that I couldn't feed from him anymore because of what happened, and he said that he'd be okay with it just being a part of the feeding, then. That it would be nothing more than a side affect and a part of the process. And I, because I couldn't deny myself, said yes. So we kept going, I kept feeding from him and then we'd get each other off. And yeah, it's kinda crazy how that affected our game play, because I wasn't expecting it to make that much of a difference outside of our personal lives."

He goes quiet again for a bit, and then Claude speaks up quietly.

"So what happened that got you two where you are now?"

And that's really what Nolan's been avoiding saying out loud, because then it really becomes real, doesn't it? It makes it true, and it makes Nolan sound like a hopeless romantic who's cursed with falling for people who will never feel the same way in return. And maybe there's more truth to that than he's willing to admit.

"Well," he huffs a humorless laugh and decides to just go for it. "I realized I don't just have feelings for him. I'm- I'm in love with him. I love him."

Saying it out loud, admitting it to someone other than himself and with audible words, makes his chest crack open, and Nolan feels like he's now baring his emotional everything to Claude.

"When I realized, it became too much for me. It was already tearing me apart to be with him like that and to feed from him when it meant everything to me and nothing to him. So I cut it off."

"And you told him wanted to stop, right?"

Nolan winces and slowly shakes his head before looking back up at Claude to find him looking at Nolan like he already knew.

"No...but it seems like you already knew that."

Claude lifts a shoulder.

"TK talked to me."

The color drains from Nolan's face, and Claude lifts a hand.

"Don't worry, he actually didn't give a single thing away. He managed to talk to me without letting go of a single detail. So other than the fact that you just stopped talking to him entirely without an explanation, I didn't know anything until you told me just now."

Nolan relaxes at that, and he's grateful to Travis for trying to keep everything close to the chest.

"Now- are you done? Is that all?"

Nolan nods, that pretty much covered it, and Claude nods back and clears his throat.

"Okay then." He levels Nolan with a very unimpressed look and folds his hands together in front of him. "I'm gonna tell you something then, and I want you to listen to me before you try and interrupt. Because this is something you need to realize."

Nolan nods and sets his nearly empty bottle down on the table so he can focus on Claude.

"TK is in love with you."

Nolan's eyebrows shoot up, and for a moment he thinks he's heard Claude wrong.

"What-"

"No, let me talk," Claude holds up a hand, "TK is in love with you, Nolan, and somehow you've both been absolutely blind to each other's feelings. I don't know how, as it's been obvious to just about everyone for years now, but here we are. And you should also know that he's been absolutely torn apart the last few weeks. Because he thinks that he did something wrong, and that it was bad enough that even you won't talk to him about it."

Claude sighs and shakes his head, looking utterly dissapointed.

"You really hurt him, Patty. You messed up."

A sharp pain rips through Nolan's chest at that, because he knows he did. He knows he messed up and that he should've just talked to Travis sooner, but now he feels absolutely devastated because he didn't realize just how badly he was hurting the man he loves.

Who apparently loves him...though he still doesn't quite believe that.

"I'm sorry...I never meant to hurt him like that. But, G...I don't think you're right about him loving me. He doesn't even think about me that way, at least not anything more than someone he likes to get off with every two weeks."

And that- that makes Claude look like he wants to slap Nolan upside the head.

"Nolan- would I lie to you about this?"

Nolan quickly shakes his head.

"No, no, I don't think you're lying. I'm sure you believe that he feels the same way, but unless he actually told you then how would you know?"

Claude stares at him and Nolan wonders something.

"...did he tell you?"

Claude deflates a little at that and Nolan sighs.

"No, he hasn't outright told me. But, listen, Patty- oh, if you don't believe me, then who are you gonna believe?" He mumbles the last bit and throws his hands in the air, clearly frustrated.

Nolan thinks for a moment, knowing that Claude wasn't really asking but thinking about it anyway, and shrugs.

"I suppose Kevin. Because as much as I love the guy, I don't think the man could pick up on someone else's feelings if they were slapping him in the face. Heck, I guarantee he doesn't know about Hartsy's feelings for him, let alone his own feelings back." He shrugs again and looks at Claude. "So, yeah. If Kevin were to tell me that he legitimately picked up on feelings from TK directed at me, then maybe I'd believe it."

He doesn't like how smug Claude suddenly looks.

"Okay then, prove me wrong. Call him."

Nolan frowns.

"Call who- Kevin?"

Claude nods, and Nolan huffs out a laugh before he realizes that the man is serious.

"Oh my- fine. Here, I'll call him."

Nolan was expecting a lot of emotions from tonight, but he wasn't expecting to be annoyed.

He pulls out his phone and hits the call button under Kevin's contact, putting it on speaker, and it only takes a few rings before Kevin answers.

"Baby cat! Wasn't expecting to hear from you tonight, what can I do you for?"

Nolan sighs and glances up at Claude, who urges him on with a tilt of his head.

"Do you know if TK likes me?"

There's a beat of silence.

"Well of course, you guys are still friends, aren't you?"

Nolan feels his heart sink, and Claude rolls his eyes.

"Not like that, Kev- he means love. Do you know if TK loves him, and not like a brother."

Nolan's cheeks heat and he nearly glares at Claude before tuning back in to hear what Kevin has to say.

"Oh, well duh. Haven't you guys been together for months now? I'm assuming you'd know by now that he's more than head over heels. Dude, TK is downright infatuated with you, Pats. So of course, he likes you because you're his friend, but he also loves you because you're his boyfriend."

Nolan's entire being seems to come to a screeching halt at Kevin's words, and he only realizes that he hasn't said a single word for a beat too long when Kevin speaks again.

"Um...hello? You guys still there?"

"I, um, yes," Nolan splutters, and he can't find it in himself to close his mouth, his jaw seemingly intent on trying to reach the floor by any means necessary. "That's all I need to know, thank you."

He goes to hang up, really needing to sit with this revelation for a minute or two (or a hundred), but then he feels the need to clear something up.

"Oh and um, by the way- TK and I haven't been together at all. We've never been in a relationship, so...yeah. Didn't really know he felt the same way until now. So thanks."

He doesn't give Kevin a chance to respond to any of that, hanging up immediately once he's finished talking, and then he drops his phone onto the couch and looks up to find Claude looking incredibly smug and like he's about three seconds away from an "I told you so".

"You believe me now?" Is what he says instead, and Nolan looks away as everything starts to slot into place in his mind.

The way Travis had offered to let Nolan continue feeding from him even after his discovery of it turning him on. The way he always seemed disappointed that Nolan didn't want to stay, the brief hope in his eyes whenever Nolan was a bit too obvious, the underlying relief in his tone when he had said, "Fuck yes, finally," when they went further for the first time.

The way he had seemed dissapointed and hurt when Nolan reiterated that their agreement wouldn't mean anything, and the way thier intimate times, while never going beyond hand or blow jobs and never including even a kiss, had slowly turned into something almost akin to actual love-making instead of just sex.

And what really hits home for Nolan is the last thought he has; the way Travis called him in the middle of the night to ask for a ride to the airport, and the way he accepted Nolan's comfort and softness even after Nolan had already been pushing him away for almost four weeks.

"Fuck...fuck, you're right..." Nolan looks up at Claude as a sense of urgency and dread fills him, and his throat goes dry. "Fuck, G, he's felt the same way this whole time and I- I completely fucked it up, shit."

His heart drops out of his chest and he drops his head into his hands.

"I ruined it. I ruined my one chance at having everything I want and keeping the best thing I've ever had."

The silence that stretches through the room after that is heavy, and Nolan feels like his whole world is suddenly in shambles.

"I need to talk to him."

"Yes, you do."

It's the first words they've spoken in what feels to have been almost fifteen minutes, and Nolan finally lifts his head to look at Claude.

"I don't even know what I'd say, or how to say it...and there's no guarantee that it would fix anything. Hell, I don't even know if Trav will still want me after the shit I've put him through recently."

Claude nods minutely with a hum and just looks at him.

"Well I can tell you one thing, TK shouldn't still want you after all that." He leans forward and sighs heavily, glancing down at his folded together hands before looking back up at Nolan. "Here's the thing, though. Travis loves you. A whole hell of a lot. So I know that if you go and talk to him and just explain everything the way you explained it to me, there's a pretty good chance he'll understand and still want something with you. Now, he might not automatically forgive you for it- in fact, I'd be very disappointed in him if he did- but I don't think anything short of you committing a heinous crime could stop him from falling back into your arms if you asked him too."

He stares at Nolan intensely for a few seconds, and then his expression softens and he smiles ever so faintly.

"He'd follow you to the ends of the earth, Nolan, and I know you'd do the same with him. So just be honest with him, okay? He deserves that from you, along with a genuine apology."

Nolan nods, and he swallows.

"I promise I will be. In fact, I think I'm gonna head over there tonight. I don't wanna sit in this any longer."

Claude ducks his head for a moment and then comes back up smiling.

"Good. I was hoping you'd say that. Let's get you going, then."

They both stand and Claude takes him to the front door, waiting for him to gather his keys and jacket before opening it for him.

"Thank you, G. Seriously. I, um...know I've never really talked all that much in the time you've known me, and I probably won't ever talk this much in front of you ever again," they both chuckle, "But I'm glad I did tonight. And I'm glad you made me."

He pauses, and then he remembers what Ryanne had shown him and he smiles softly.

"You're gonna be a great dad."

Something in Claude melts at that, and Nolan isn't prepared for the crushing hug Claude gives him in response, but he's grateful for it all the same.

"Thank you, Nolan. And thank you for trusting me to help." He steps back and waves a hand in a 'shoo'ing motion. "Now, go. Fix things, and start the healing process. Not only do you both need and deserve it, the team needs it if we're gonna get anywhere close to making it to the playoffs this year."

Nolan huffs a laugh and nods as he steps back and starts to make his way to his car.

"I'll do my best. See you on Friday."

Claude waves him off and Nolan goes and gets into his car, and as he pulls out of the driveway and heads in the direction of Travis apartment he's only thinking one thing: that he should've done this months ago.

~•~

When he gets to the apartment complex it's almost 10:30pm, but Nolan knows Travis is most likely awake so he heads straight up and then just stands outside of Travis' door for almost ten minutes.

He's not second guessing this decision and knows it's absolutely what he has to do- he just doesn't even know where to start.

With a deep breath, Nolan realizes that the first step is just knocking on the door, and once he does it takes less than a minute for Travis to unlock and open it.

"Damn, I literally just clicked order, there's no way y'all are *that* fast-" he's stopped in his tracks by seeing Nolan on the other side of the door, and his eyes are big and wide as he takes in Nolan standing there alone. "Oh, Patty- hey," he greets, and once the surprise has worn off he seems to almost steel himself for something as he tenses up a bit and stands up straighter in the doorway.

Nolan hates that he's made Travis feel that way, and he tries to make his body language look as non-threatening as possible.

"Hey. Could I come in? There's something I wanna talk to you about."

Travis just stares at him for a second and then he steps to the side and jerks his head sideways.

"Sure, I was just chilling in the living room."

Nolan steps through and walks the familiar route to Travis' living area, and he realizes just how much he's missed being here as he walks into the room. He sits down on the side of the couch not occupied by Travis' piles of blankets, and when Travis joins him he starts to hope hard that he can really fix this.

"So..." Travis starts after a minute of tense silence, fiddling with his hands and not looking at Nolan.

Nolan doesn't think he's ever seen Travis this nervous before.

"What did you wanna talk about? Because if it doesn't have anything to do with why you've been icing me out recently or isn't an apology for not saying something sooner, then I really don't wanna hear it." He glances up at Nolan, and Nolan's heart hurts with the burn of anger behind Travis' eyes. "I can't do this not talking thing much longer, and I can't handle excuses or half-truths, Nols."

Nolan nods and swallows heavily, looking down at his own hands.

"I know. And that's why I'm here to apologize and tell you the truth."

There's a beat, and then Travis very lightly huffs a laugh.

"The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God? Wait, should I get a Bible or something for this?"

Of course he can't resist making a joke, but it's exactly what they need, exactly what Nolan needs to remind him that there's a chance for them, and Nolan smiles slightly and looks up at Travis as his shoulders relax a little.

"Yes, the whole truth, and I'd swear on anything if it would help."

Travis seems to relax a little at that too and he waves a hand.

"Nah, I trust you."

Nolan nods and takes a deep breath.

"Okay..." he searches for words to say, but when nothing comes he sighs and shakes his head. "Look, I'm not good at this whole," he waves his hands around, "Talking thing. So just- just give me some time to get everything out, and then we can both talk. Is that okay?"

He glances up at Travis and Travis nods, looking so patient and ready to listen, and it cracks Nolan's heart open a little more.

"Okay. Well, I guess I should first and foremost start with that apology. Because I am sorry, I'm so fucking sorry for how I've handled this and handled you, and I never meant to hurt you like I have. You deserve better." He lets out a harsh breath and shakes his head. "Secondly, I-" he swallows, and this is it, he's finally going to say it-

"Travis, I'm in love with you."

Travis takes a sharp breath in but Nolan can't bring himself to look at him just yet, wants to get everything out before he does, too scared to see whatever look Travis might have on his face at the confession.

"I've been in love with you for quite some time now, years, really, and I never thought I could have you in any way like that. And when you offered your blood to me, I don't think you knew what that meant to me, and I'm sorry because I should've been honest with you then that me accepting and us doing that was more to me than it was to you. And when everything happened with you," he feels his cheeks heat up, "You getting turned on by it, it took everything in me not to give in to it. Not to do something that I wouldn't be able to come back from. So I held off...but then we got drunk. You from the alcohol at G's party, me from your blood, which is something I didn't know could happen. And so I wasn't able to hold back when you asked me if it was what it wanted that night, because yes- being with you is all I've ever wanted, and I had you right there and you wanted me too and so I- I gave in, and we did that. And afterwards, when I came back to myself, I realized that I had messed up and that if we continued to do that it would kill me knowing that it meant nothing more to you than that. So I didn't talk to you over the break, and I decided we needed to stop."

Nolan shifts a little on the couch, and he resolutely does not pay attention to the way Travis is trying to stay as still as possible and listen without interrupting, because if he focuses on it at all he's gonna get derailed by the overwhelming fondness that would come with realizing what Travis is doing for him.

"Obviously you were there for that conversation, so you also know that we didn't end up stopping and instead agreed that it wouldn't mean anything. But I'm sorry, because I lied, and it meant so much to me, meant too much to me, and there came a point where it became too much. Where I couldn't handle having you in such an intimate way and not being able to call you mine and I- I couldn't take it. And I didn't know how to handle that conversation, didn't know what to say, so instead of saying anything I thought that the best course of action would be to cut us off for a while and wait until things went back to normal." He chuckles non-humorously and shrugs a shoulder. "What I failed to realize, however, was that maybe everything did mean more to you than I thought, and that maybe you didn't say anything that whole time because I had also made sure to say that it wouldn't mean anything beyond the feeding. And that was my mistake. It took G having a serious talk with me tonight to realize how badly I've fucked up, and I just- I-" he's floundering for what to say, doesn't know how to keep going, and so he just throws his hands in the air. "Even if I've ruined any chance of us being together in any way like that again, I don't want to lose you completely. You mean the world to me, Trav, and if it's at all possible I'd still like to be someone you consider a friend. But if not, I understand, and we can just go from there and only be teammates on a hockey team. Just- just let me know. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make this right."

He goes quiet after that, and he's not even sure how long he's been talking.

Another wave of silence passes by, and after a minute Nolan finally chances a look up at Travis.

He's immediately distraught by what he sees because- because Travis is crying, and shit, he didn't mean to make things even worse, so he opens his mouth to apologize again, but then-

Travis is also laughing?

"Trav?" He asks tentatively, and once he's broken the silence Travis doesn't hold back and he lets out a loud, sobbed laugh.

"Oh my- Nolan, I can't- I don't know how to feel right now," he gets out, and Nolan doesn't know what to do or how to help. "Just- just give me a minute."

Travis sniffles and slowly comes down from his outburst of emotions, but even once he looks more visibly calm Nolan can see that his eyes are glowing a faint gold.

"Nolan, I..." his voice is serious again, and Nolan knows it's his turn to sit back and be quiet now.

"I'll start with this. I realize now why you did everything you did, and while it might take me a little bit to come back around, I know that I will forgive you eventually. So, know that. Secondly," he lets out another wet laugh, "I can't believe I never realized you love me too. How did we both miss that? We must be the biggest, blindest idiots on this planet to have been sleeping together for this long and not realize the other person is also in it for more than that."

Travis shakes his head and looks up to make eye contact with Nolan.

"Thirdly, while it'll take me a bit to fully and properly forgive you, I do fully accept your apology. And...and now it's my turn, because I haven't been fully innocent in this either."

Nolan doesn't really believe that, but before he can get anything out Travis holds up a hand.

"No, it's true. And you deserve an apology as much as I do." He sits back and drops his hand. "So, Nolan, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not putting in effort to talk to you myself, for not asking sooner about what was going on. I've known from the beginning of our friendship that you're not good at talking about things, so I should've put some effort into that side of things. Most importantly, though, I want to apologize for not realizing how much you were hurting through all of this. I mean, yeah, it hurt me too, a whole hell of a lot, but I should've been able to see how much it was affecting you too and I'm sorry I never noticed." He frowns and looks down at his hands again. "It kills me to know that you were in pain this whole time and all I was thinking of was me."

Before he can stop himself Nolan reaches out and takes Travis' hands into his own.

"I did the same thing, so don't worry. You weren't the only one, and it kills me too."

Travis looks up at him, and Nolan lets out a breath.

"And I forgive you. Because yeah, we both made mistakes. But we both recognize it, and we're trying to make it better. And I really appreciate that with you."

Travis squeezes his hands and nods, smiling lightly.

"I appreciate it too. And thank you, for coming over here to do this. I know how hard it is for you to talk about your feelings."

They both laugh at that, most of the tension now gone between them, and Nolan nods.

"Yeah, sorry I'm so emotionally stubborn. But," he looks up at Travis, and a small wave of uncertainty rolls through him. "I do still love you. I don't think I'll ever not. And if you feel the same, I'd like to try having something with you, something beyond friendship and just the feeding. Heck, even without the feeding if that would be too much for you now. Whatever you want."

Travis' smile grows and he nods.

"I love you too. And I think I always will as well. So yeah, I'd love to try and have something with you, be in a relationship. Call you my boyfriend, if you're okay with that term." He grins. "And as for the feeding, I'd be more than okay with continuing that. All of it, if you're interested. Maybe even more, now that we've decided to try this other stuff out too. I'll do whatever you want, and take whatever you're willing to give me."

Nolan feels his heart swell, and he's so incredibly grateful to have fallen for someone like Travis. He knows he doesn't deserve him right now, and he's amazed that Travis is still willing to stay despite that.

"I'm down to do anything with you, truthfully. There's so many things I've always wanted to do, both with sex and also just as a couple. I'd love to keep feeding from you, for as long as you'll let me, and just- yeah. I want everything with you, Travis."

Travis squeezes his hands again.

"Good, because same."

Travis then looks down, ducking his head a little shyly and blushing, and Nolan waits to see what he's going to say.

"Speaking of things we've always wanted to do...can I kiss you?"

Nolan's heart skips and he nods quickly.

"Hell yes," he says enthusiastically, and Travis grins widely before surging forward and pressing their lips together for the first kiss they've ever had.

Something inside Nolan explodes at the contact, and he pulls Travis into and on top of him as he deepens the kiss and licks into Travis' mouth.

The action makes Travis groan and Nolan can feel the very tips of his fangs as they drop slightly in his mouth.

"I love you," he says again just because he can now, whispering it over Travis' lips and into his mouth, and Travis makes a breathy noise and kisses him again hard.

"I love you too, Nolan Patrick, so goddamn much," he says back in a breath, and Nolan pulls him even closer.

"What do you wanna do? Do you want to go all in right now, or wait?"

Travis pulls back just a bit and thinks for a moment as he looks over Nolan's face seemingly trying to memorize every inch.

"Let's wait to go all the way, but I definitely want you to feed right now. I fucking miss that, I've missed you, and I know you want and need my blood after not having it for over a month." He flushes slightly and bites his lips. "I also have a confession to make."

Nolan's eyebrows jump slightly and he tilts his head.

"Oh?"

Travis nods and messes with the collar of Nolan's t-shirt, his hands having come up to rest on Nolan's shoulders when he was pulled in.

"Yeah. One of the things that frustrated me the most when we just stopped was knowing that you were drinking from the bags again, because-" his cheeks flush a darker red and Nolan grins at the sight.

"Because why?"

Travis glances up into his eyes and the corners of his mouth quirk up.

"Because I hated the thought that someone else's blood was inside you, keeping you alive. I wanted it to just be mine, because in a way, in my mind, that made you mine."

Now it's Nolan's turn to flush red, and Travis smirks.

"Which you like the thought of, it seems. Plus, I fucking love seeing your cheeks go red, and when I know it's my blood running under your skin it honest to God turns me on." Travis shrugs like it's embarrassing, but the grin on his face says he doesn't really care if it is or not. "Some might think that's wierd, but I like it."

Nolan does too, a whole fucking lot judging by the way his dick is already half-hard now after Travis' confession, and he wants Travis to know that he doesn't mind at all.

"Fuck, I like it too. You have no idea how complete it made me feel when I realized that I'd been feeding from you long enough to have every part of my body be filled with just your blood. It is, traditionally, part of what makes vampire unions and relationships so strong. The fact that the vampire is completely filled with their partner's blood. It links us, in a way."

Travis' eyes are slightly wide, and he pauses in his movements.

"So, what...does that make us married or something?"

Now Nolan is really blushing, and he ducks his head.

"Oh, well, I mean- not technically. Traditionally, getting to that point would mean we'd really be encouraged to be united in marriage, but we don't have to talk about that right now if you don't want to. We don't ever, if you don't want to."

Travis nods slowly, and another smile spreads over his face.

"Yeah, maybe not right now, maybe we should at least wait until after the season's over. But I wouldn't mind having that conversation at some point in the future." His smile widens. "Besides, I quite like the sound of Travis Patrick. Or Nolan Konency, if that's what you'd like. Though, I kind of really liked it when that lady at the airport called me Mr. Patrick."

Nolan's face feels so very hot now, and he can't believe Travis remembers that.

"So you did catch that? I thought my brain was going to stop working when she said that and you responded."

Travis laughs and leans down to be in Nolan's space again.

"I did, and like I said I liked it. So yeah, we can talk about that some time. But right now, I'd really like you to put you teeth in me and make me feel so fucking good like you always do."

Nolan hums and noses at Travis' cheek.

"Okay. Take off your clothes, then."

Travis' breath hitches and he scrambles off to do as told, removing every piece of clothing as quickly as he can and then waiting for Nolan to do the same before straddling him again.

"Wait, shouldn't we move to the bedroom?"

They've never done it like this before, have always done it standing in Travis' room, but that was mostly Nolan's way of making it as detached as possible. He supposes that now, he can take Travis' blood in whatever position either of them want.

"Nah. We can do it however we want, now," he replies, pulling Travis down into another kiss and running his hands down the smaller forward's sides.

Travis settles into his lap and kisses back eagerly, reaching a hand down between them to wrap it around Nolan's still semi-hard-on.

"I wanna make you come first this time. Wanna know what it feels like when you come with your teeth in me," he mumbles against Nolan's lips, and if Travis wasn't already stroking him those words along with they mental image they bring would've been enough to get him fully hard.

"Fuck, okay."

Nolan moves to mouth and kiss down Travis' jaw and neck, and when he reaches the spot he always takes from he licks over it and smiles as that makes Travis shiver.

"I've missed this, can't wait to feel your teeth again," Travis says, and Nolan hums before finally letting his shift take over and dropping his fangs.

When he sinks his teeth into Travis' skin Travis lets out a stuttered moan, and when his blood hits Nolan's tongue for the first time again Nolan moans too.

"Shit...feels so good when you do this."

Nolan begins to suck blood from Travis' neck, and just like he always does Travis starts to pump and squeeze his hand in time with the pull of blood.

To help things along Nolan times the intensity and frequency of him pulling the blood into his mouth, and as Travis moves his hand along with it Nolan slowly but steadily gets to the edge. It takes almost the whole duration of his feeding, but as he reaches the end of that Travis decides to start twisting his wrist on the upstroke, and a few times of that is all it takes for Nolan to stumble into an orgasm.

He squeezes his hands into Travis' hips as a warning before he does, and then as he tumbles over the edge into ecstacy he tries to still be mindful of how hard he's biting and sucking, not wanting to actually hurt Travis.

"Oh- oh fuck, Patty, shit- holy shit that feels so good," Travis moans out as Nolan comes through the end of his feeding, and Nolan retracts his teeth and pulls back from Travis' neck at the same time he's fully spent.

"Did you like that?" Nolan asks a little breathlessly, his mind wonderfully clear both from the orgasm and also from being fully filled with hot, fresh blood, and he can't help but think that Travis looks beautiful as he stares at Nolan open-mouthed, his own fangs out and eyes that same brilliant gold they always are when he's shifted like this.

"Hell yeah I did," Travis responds, and his eyes flick down to Nolan's mouth before he leans over and licks at the corner of his lips. "Had some left over," he explains before kissing Nolan and letting him taste the last remnants of Travis' blood on his own tongue, and if Nolan hadn't already come he definitely would've then.

Nolan runs his tongue over Travis' fangs and then maneuvers Travis onto his back so Nolan is resting between his spread things and leaning over him.

"Your turn."

He smiles and kisses Travis again before working his way down Travis' neck and chest, kissing and licking over every spot he know drives Travis wild, and then paying special attention to his nipples and the insides of each of his thighs.

"Shit, Pats, just put your mouth on me already, you're fucking killing me, bud."

Nolan grins and gently bites at the meat of Travis' thigh with blunt teeth, earning him a yelped moan.

"So needy. Maybe I wanna take my time with you, eh, you ever thought about that?"

Travis groans and buries a hand in Nolan's hair to try and tug him up to where his cock is leaking onto his stomach.

"We have plenty of time for that in the future, but right now I just wanna come down your throat and then cuddle with you."

That combination of things does more to Nolan that he would admit, and the idea of getting to actually cuddle with Travis as his boyfriend for the first time is the only reason he gives in so easily and lets Travis pull his head up to where he wants him.

And maybe he also just really likes having his hair pulled- it's a win-win situation all around.

"Fuck, finally," Travis breaths out when Nolan finally gets his lips around Travis' thick cock, and Nolan lets his eyes close for a second as he savors the taste and feeling of the familiar member sliding into his mouth and down his throat.

He sets up a good pace and rhythm bobbing his head up and down, and he can tell when Travis is getting close by the way his hands tighten in Nolan's hair and he starts tugging.

"Fuck, fuck, shit, Patty- fuck, Pats, Nolan, I'm gonna- I'm so close, Nolan, I'm-"

Nolan moans low and long as he shoves his head as far forward as he can manage, and Travis comes with a shout. His hips stutter and he fucks up into Nolan's mouth a little, and it makes another jolt of arousal and pleasure run through Nolan's body.

Once Travis is spent and is coming down from his own orgasm, Nolan pulls off and licks his lips, moving back up to give Travis a lazy kiss.

"You wanna move to the bed now?" He asks softly, and Travis shakes his head, his eyes barely staying open.

"Nah...I wanna just cuddle with you here for now. We can move to the bed later."

Nolan nods and pulls back to at least go get something to clean up with before they just check out.

He finds and wets a washcloth, cleaning up himself and what he can of Travis and Travis' couch, and when he's done he tosses it into the washing machine for later and comes back to the couch to gently slot himself behind Travis and spoon him.

"Mm...love you," Travis mumbles, words barely coherent, but Nolan understands him well enough and for the first time in a very long time his heart and body feel completely full.

"I love you too, Trav. And I promise I always will."

Travis smiles sleepily and snuggles back into Nolan's arms, and Nolan holds him close.

He's finally got what he's always wanted, even though he almost lost it. He won't let it ever slip away ever again.