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Joel doesn’t even realize- that it’s a thing. Not until Tess.
But then, he didn’t realize a lot of things about himself until Tess, if he’s being truthful.
But sometimes, when he’s inside her, he thinks about what it would be like- if they weren’t careful. If she wasn’t tracking her cycles and if she didn’t have a line on contraceptives and if the unthinkable happened. He knows he’s not cut out for that life anymore- they aren’t Tanya and Martin down the hall, with their two squalling infants and scrounging for diapers and formula with extra ration cards. That man disappeared when Sarah died, he knows that. And Tess- well, she’s said herself she’s not made of maternal material.
But sometimes, unbidden, the thought of her, heavy with his child, fills his brain, and he’s impossibly turned on by it. By the thought of the life they could create together; the life Tess could create.
“You’re thinking about it again,” Tess pants from where she’s astride him, a hand planted against his sternum, the other cupping her breast, thumb stroking her nipple to a firm point. Joel frowns, looking up at her, and she offers him a grin.
“’Bout what?” he asks, playing dumb, and Tess flips her hair, keeping the rhythm of her hips going. Shots of silver have started to appear in the dirty blonde strands, and he’s captivated by the way they catch the light that comes through the tattered curtains. She’s so god damn beautiful.
“I see the way you look at me sometimes,” she tells him, and bends down to kiss him, just once, before she straightens, adding a circle of her hips that has him groaning. “Look at my stomach like you’re picturing a kid in there. Your kid.”
Joel’s hands shoot to Tess’s hips, steadying her as the words shoot molten heat through his belly and down to his balls.
“Fuck, darlin’,” he grits out, and Tess’s grin widens.
“Know you like the thought of it. Fuckin’ a baby into me. Watchin’ it grow inside me. Knowing you put it there. Everyone else knowing it too,” Tess’s moves slow to a grind, her clit pressed to his pubic bone, and she’s so warm and wet she’s dripping down against him. “Would you like that? Like everyone knowing that you were the one to fuck a baby into my pretty cunt?”
At her words, Joel surprises her and gets Tess onto her back, fucking into her hard and deep as he pins her hands above her head, biting at her jaw.
“Fuck, Tessa. That mouth,” he grunts, hips slapping into hers as he picks up the pace until he’s practically fucking her up the bed. “So god damn dangerous.”
“Fuck me, Joel. Fuck a baby into me,” Tess gasps, desperate, and slips one hand out of his grasp to rub at her clit. She tightens around him, nearly there, and then she’s crying out his name, flying high as an orgasm rips through her. Powerless to stop himself, Joel follows, spilling inside her in thick, powerful pumps as they ride through the waves together.
They sink into the dirty sheets together, tangled up, and catch their breath.
“This wasn’t…” Joel starts, and Tess pats his shoulder.
“No, Joel. Just a little fun,” she assures him, but there’s something quiet in her voice. “Besides, I have a line on Plan B. You know that.”
He watches her rise from the bed, heading for the bathroom, and ignores the tug in his chest that tells him he fucked something up. She brings a damp cloth back, and lets him clean off as she moves to the kitchen, still naked, and brings back two glasses of water. She sinks down beside him, finishing her glass, and lets her eyes close as her head hits the pillow.
Joel watches her, silent, and bends forward to brush his lips against her forehead.