Chapter Text
“Fwooooo… haaaaah,” Kazuichi took a deep breath after running from the cottages to the beach in only a minute while dragging a puzzled Hajime along frantically. He had spent god-knows how long hyping himself up for this moment, you’d think he was about to confess or something.
Hajime, the common victim of Kazuichi’s antics, stood there uneasily. “…What are you doing?”
“Can’t you see? I’m breathing deeply!” the mechanic said frantically before calming down. “I-I gotta prepare myself for a lotta reasons, y’know!”
Following a few seconds of Kazuichi preparing himself with Hajime awkwardly watching, he spoke up. “All right. I’m ready. Come at me, bro.”
“No, hold on,” Hajime replied, sweating as he was trying to comprehend what Kazuichi wanted him to say. “I don’t understand what’s going on, like, at all.”
“Dumbass! Isn’t it obvious?!” Kazuichi yelled as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “There’s only one thing for two men to do when they come to the beach!”
Hajime stood there trying to come up with a response that Kazuichi would approve, before panicking and saying whatever he thought of at that second. “…Date?”
“That’s right. Two people having fun at the beach will eventually get closer to each other, and then…” Kazuichi trailed off after blurting out the first thing that came to mind in response. Speak before you think, I guess. It took him about 6 seconds before he realized what he just said.
“Wait, you and me?! What’ll happen if I dream about that tonight?!”
“What if you what?”
“No, shut up, ignore that!” Kazuichi protested, mortified from what he just said so casually in front of his bro. His homie. His soul brother for life in the most heterosexual way he could put it. “Try again, because this is NOT a date!”
He and Hajime then proceeded to have the most broly brotalk in all of bro history like true bros would, but that sappy tear tear cry cry shit isn’t the point! The point is that he actually dreamed about dating Hajime Hinata like some fucking gay ass that night, and Fuyuhiko really was NOT helping in his conquest to find out what his life was doing.
“…What the fuck?” Fuyuhiko stared at him from across the table in the hotel restaurant they were sitting at. “What am I even supposed to say? Do you like men? Cool, captain obvious.”
“No, what the hell dude?” Kazuichi’s eye twitched. “And what does that last part mean? I don’t like dudes! That’s weird as fuck for someone like me.”
“Like, an incel?”
“I AM NOT AN INCEL!”
“Okay, geez, calm your tits down,” Fuyuhiko rubbed his temples before speaking again. “So, what you’re telling me is that… Hajime made you have some gay awakening?”
“When you word it like that, it sounds way different from what it actually is,” Kazuichi said, groaning.
Fuyuhiko stared at him with narrowed eyes for a few seconds. “Isn’t that exactly what it is?”
“NO! You have to understand what I’m sayin’ here, haven't you also dreamt of Hajime?” Kazuichi asked, only increasing Fuyuhiko’s exasperation. “It’s like a bro awakening, right?! No homo there!”
“What the fuck is a bro awakening?! Why are you acting like dreaming about dating Hajime is something I should relate to?”
“Well what do you dream of?!”
“I dream of railing your mom’s fat ass, dipshit!”
“Oh shut up, just tell me what I should say to Hajime once he gets here!”
Fuyuhiko let out a groan as he tried to make a response to Kazuichi’s hijinks. “Why do you think I know? What am I, Bitch Puller 9000?”
“If you can get Peko with that height you can get anyone!”
The blonde slammed his fist on the table, his face flooded with an obvious blush when he looked up. “I’ll fucking kill you! I’ll kick you in the balls so hard that you’ll never be able to dream about Hajime agai—“
“What’s this about dreaming about me?”
The two who seemed to be in their own little world immediately froze at the voice of someone who was definitely not supposed to enter at this time. Hajime Hinata himself. The man, the myth, the legend.
It took a few moments of what could only be described as awkwardness before Kazuichi broke the silence. “Uhh, yoooo, Hajibro, erm, g’day to you. Uh. Don’t you only get here like… 30 minutes later?”
“I couldn’t not come here after hearing Fuyuhiko scream about “railing mothers” while I was walking with Nagito outside,” Hajime explained, getting a stare from Fuyuhiko and Kazuichi the second he mentioned the hope addict.
“Really? That hope freak?” Kazuichi sent him a judgemental look, earning a sigh.
“It’s not like that…” Hajime said before Fuyuhiko steered the topic back.
“Anyways, mop-hair aside, this guy,” Fuyuhiko jabbed a thumb towards Kazuichi, “was having some insane dream about dating you—“
“SHUT!” Kazuichi hastily interrupted.
Hajime looked at Kazuichi like he was insane. “You had a dream about what?”
“I can explain!” Kazuichi shouted, panicked, before not being able to at all.
“…You can’t,” Fuyuhiko muttered.
“I can’t.”
“It’s all good, I know I’m a handsome man,” Hajime fixed his tie and ran a hand in his hair in a sloppy attempt to replicate a flirt.
Fuyuhiko almost spat out his water while Kazuichi’s eyes widened at the sight.
“I did not know your dork ass could do that,” Fuyuhiko coughed, causing Hajime to revert to himself.
“H-hey, I’m not a dork!” Hajime rebutted.
“Mhm… sureee,” Fuyuhiko snickered, earning a whine.
Kazuichi, finally regaining his composure from the stunt Hajime just pulled, pointed at him accusingly. “If you knew how to do that all along, then what are you waiting for?! Go get some girls! I see you eyeing Chiaki!”
“…She’s lesbian, Kaz,” Hajime informed stiffly, trying to put it as gently as possible.
Kazuichi had his head in his hands.
“The things I would do to see you guess people’s sexualities,” Fuyuhiko said in a snarky manner. “You get slapped every time you guess wrong. Twice if you said straight and they’re anything but that.”
“C’mon, go easy on him. He’d die around 2 minutes in,” Hajime added lightheartedly and turned to Kazuichi. “Right. Do you still fantasize about dating Sonia?”
“Hell yeah I do!” He responded almost instantly as if he was some sort of robot. “I mean, who wouldn’t? Miss Sonia has the perfect bod, a stunning smile, good manners, anything you’d want from a girl!”
“…Who’s gonna tell him,” Fuyuhiko glanced at Hajime, who looked like he was formulating his thoughts.
“I’ll do it,” Hajime assured quietly as if Kazuichi couldn’t hear them, looking back at the pink-haired boy. “Sonia has a crush on Chiaki.”
Kazuichi choked on raw air.