Chapter Text
Mikey was concerned.
Raph was concerned.
Leo was concerned
Splinter and April to.
Heck! Even Draxum, was concerned.
Donnie had been acting... Different. Distant. Just... Worrying behaviour.
Normally, Donnie would be the last one up. He'd claim it was 'Beauty sleep.' But everyone knew it was because he would spend way to long staying up, working on projects or scrolling through his phone.
Normally, Donnie would spend too long in his lab, he'd come out for breakfast. If a movie marathon, skateboarding. any of those things!
But...
Donnie wasn't like that now, he had been spending almost all of his time in his room. Not even the lab. Half the time when Raph came to check on him, he was sleeping.
Mikey would bring him food, but be disappointed to see he had barely touched it, sometimes not even a bite.
Leo would try and help, seeing as he was Donnies twin. He would go in there and sit with him, encourage him to try and drink something, or bring him something to drink. But even now days, it was getting harder and harder to get any response out of him that wasn't 'Sorry, I'm not feeling it right now.' Or, 'I'm okay, go have fun.'
It was getting scary.
Splinter really did try to help. Mikey knew he was trying. He would go and talk to him like Leo would. Tell him stories about the past.
Splinter also called over Barry, talking to him in private about Donnies mental health. Mikey could always hear them though. Just like he heard Donnies cries in the night. He wished he could do more.
Raph and Leo talked too. They left out Mikey a lot, probably because he was the youngest. They were somehow far more discrete than his dad's ever were. But he did pick up on what particular conversation...
---
"Depressive episode? You sure Leo?" Raph asked the blue clad brother.
"Definitely, he's sleeping off at least 8 hours a day, and that's just in the day. He won't eat unless someone is encouraging it. He hasn't touched his lab in weeks, and with all that has happened, I can't blame him." Leo spoke quietly.
Mikey was eavesdropping behind the door, they had told him this may not be the best discussion to include him in. Now he sees why.
"Leo.. You don't think.." Raph trailed off.
"Maybe? I haven't seen any razors in his room, and I checked. He has been wearing his hoodie a lot though, not even taking it off to wash. "
Mikey resisted the urge to gasp, not liking what they were saying Donnie might be up too.
"Do you think he'd tell us if he was?..." Raph asked, fearful of the answer he may receive.
"Hopeful opinion? Yes. Honest opinion? Shell no. Remember the fight I put up when Donnie caught me using my ōdachi-..." Leo stopped mid sentence, Raph put a hand on his shoulder. Not wanting Leo to spiral into those memories.
Mikey didn't want to hear this anymore.
---
He blinked, remembering he was in the kitchen. Baking something for Donnie.
Back to work.
He washed his hands again. Grabbing a rolling pin for later. He didn't care how long it took, he would do whatever it took to make Donnie happy again, even it it was just a little bit.
Raph walked into the kitchen. Just getting done talking to Leo again.
"Hey Mikey.. Wha'cha doin'?" Raph asked the humming box turtle.
"Oh! Hey Raph, I'm making Donnie cookies! The softbake m&m's ones he likes." Mikey now got out a baking sheet, grabbing some foil to line it with.
Raph made a small smile to him.
"So.. Where'd Leo go?" Mikey asked as he sprayed some Pam on the sheet.
"Oh, uh. He went to go talk with Dad." Mikey frowned, Don't get him wrong! He's happy Leo was helping. But..
"About Donnie, right?"
all Raph did was nod.
~~~
Donnie lied in his bed. Staring into the ceiling. He didn't know what was wrong with him. He was just being lazy, he had no right to either.
with all that had been going on, he should be out in his lab. Working, improving. Protecting his family.
Not in bed sulking about himself.
He felt bad. Bad for his family anyways, having to put up with him. Deal with his shit.
Why was he even upset anyways? There wasn't any logical reason. (Expect anything else was a sensory overload.)
He wasn't like Raph, who was missing an eye.
He wasn't like Leo, who had to endure months of painful physical therapy just to be able to use his upper half. The bottom half paralyzed, having to use a uncomfortable (But advanced) brace to walk.
He wasn't like Mikey, whose hands shook so much without compression gloves, he couldn't even draw a circle, let alone cook.
And, if he wanted to keep listing things off,
He wasn't like Dad, who had to deal with childhood trauma, then adulthood trauma. And being kidnapped twice. And raise four children. Or Casey, who grew up in a fucking apocalypse.
April dealt with the hell that was highschool, bullying and home issues. He didn't have to worry that every time he went topside his cloaking brooch could be stolen like Sunita.
And Cass! She was a. Child. Soldier. who spent ten years serving the foot clan, getting beat up and working to the top.
Even Draxum! Even he had it worst!
Why should Donnie, the one who tried to 'fix' his brothers, twice. Who couldn't accept Magic is equal to science. The person to always mess up missions with faulty tech. The emotionless bad boy. The go to guy to rant about your problems that you don't actually want a solution to because you Know he isn't listening, even if he's trying his best. (Which is never enough.)
Why does he get an excuse to laze off all day while the others are working their asses off dealing with him.
They should be disgusted with him.
He should be disgusted with himself.
And he is.
Always has been.
And always will.
Like they say, 'Some things never change.'
~~~
He knows he dwells on these types of things far to often. But his mind can't seem to grasp any other concept.
Then again, what do you expect from someone whose brain couldn't even be wired correctly?
He sighed. How realizing he was still in bed. There was an old plate of food in the nightstand, maybe five or six hours old?
He rubbed his eyes. Feeling very uncomfortable with himself. His hoodie felt disgusting, and sure. Technically he hadn't done anything to get it dirty. (Or anything at all the past.. Three days?) But it still felt gross to wear the same thing for more than twelve hours.
His room was surprisingly clean for someone who lacked any motivation to do anything at all. But that was probably because he never got up to do anything that could make it dirty.
And. He did get up a couple times a day. He would get up early in the morning to brush his teeth, sure. He would wear the same clothes for a couple days, but not brushing his teeth? That crosses a line. (Really? Teeth over the family? Fucking selfish.)
He also got up to clean Shelldon at the end of the day, he was still a father.
(Even if his child was no longer capable of responding, memory chip far beyond repair.)
And he went to the bathroom.
...
That's about it.
That's all he would get up for, he used to be the smart one. The useful (at times) one! Now.. He was just wasting away in his room. Sleeping more than being awake. He didn't deserve the food his brothers brought, he wondered when they would finally realize that he was just being wasteful, and stop giving it to him.
Specifically Leo. Yes, Mikey was the one who made the food, and Raph would bring it to him. But every time he was brought food. about two minutes later, Leo would walk in.
He'd sit on Donnies bed, ask how his day went. Then talk a little but about how his own day went.
And then. Move on to the topic of eating.
He'd say. 'Hermano, you know you should probably eat something right?' or something of those sorts.
And.. He would waste more than an hour or so of his day sitting on Donnies bed. Asking him to atleast eat a few bites. And at first, it was working. When this whole 'Lazy spell' hit him. It was just sleeping in more, or not feeling hungry. But he would still come out to dinner. (He was always on the edge of throwing up.)
Now? Getting out of bed felt like the hardest task on earth. Something Leo nearly DIED to protect. And he was wasting the sacrifices he made.
Honestly, he really didn't feel hungry anymore. He didn't want to eat, or drink. Or get up. He just wanted to waste away, to close his eyes and never open them again.
. . .
That didn't mean he was suicidal, right?
No, of course not. People who were actively trying to kill themself were suicidal. who actually needed and deserved help.
Him? He just didn't want to live anymore, nothing wrong with that.
A knock came to his door. He sighed once again. Not even having the energy to ask who it was.
After about thirty seconds, the door cracked open. "Dee? You in here?" Mikey asked. Huh, he was expecting Raph, and then Leo a couple minutes later. And its not like Mikey didn't come see him. He came in daily actually. Talking about anything from self love to hyper-fixations.
"Yup.." He said in a monotone voice, almost wincing at how scratchy it felt. He hadn't really talked today, expect to dismiss any considers his brothers had.
"Can I come in?" He asked. Donnie didn't even understand why he bothered asking, what was Donnie going to do it he did anyways?
"Sure." He decided on. The door now fully opened, a pleasantly sweet yet sicking smell welcomed itself into the room. Making his stomach twist at just the thought of eating.
Mikey stood at the front of the bed, a silent way of asking if he could sit. Donnie sat up, scooching down so Mikey had a place to sit.
Mikey was silent for a while, deciding on what to say.
"I, um. I made you cookies!" He said cheerfully. Donnie couldn't help but make a sad excuse of a smile at the gesture. Did it make him want to vomit at the idea of them? Yes. But did Mikey also slave away in the kitchen, taking time out of his fucking day to make the pathetic excuse of a brother a treat, despite said brother doing NOTHING to earn them? Also yes.
So he was going be damn grateful.
"Wow, uh. Mikey, that's really nice of you. Has uh, anyone else got a chance to try them?" He asked.
Mikey shook his head. "Nope! I made your favourite, softbake m&m. so I figured its only fair that you get to try them first!" He offered the plate to Donnie, it only has a single cookie on it. which he was eternily grateful for.
Donnie took the plate into his lap. 'Huh, he really did remember..'
"Thanks..." He looked down. Then heard Mikey sigh.
"Donnie.. We're all worried about you.."
Great, more worry wishers, as Donnie called them.
"Mikey, I am perfectly fine-" Mikey shot up front his seat. Cutting Donnie off.
"No! No Donnie you are NOT fine!" He snapped.
"Y-you stay in your room all day! And barely talk. A-and you don't eat. And when is the last time you want outside?!" He continued. Donnie winced at his harshly put words. He knew they were all true though. And He didn't deserve anything less.
Mikey took a deep breathe, realizing just how mean he sounded.
"Nobody's mad, Dee. But we ARE worried. Something is clearly bothering you, to the point of you literally starving yourself... We can help, and we are there for you. If its something we said, or did.." He trailed off.
Donnie raised his hands. "No! I mean.. Its nothing you guys did!" He defused the idea as quickly as it came.
Mikey sat back down. "Then what is it?.." He asked quietly.
Donnie sighed. "Its.. this is something you can fix this time, Mikey... Or any of you..." Was the least thing he said, before placing the plate to the side, laying back down, and turning to face the wall opposite of Mikey.
Mikey took another deep breathe.
"If your not ready to talk about it, that's fine. But I can't just sit around and let you waste away Dee..." Donnie felt tears prickle at his eyes.
"Promise me you'll atleast try and eat something? And drink something too, I brought a bottle of water with me." He reached into the back of his shell, which acted like a backpack. Grabbing out a small water bottle.
Donnie turned his head for just a moment. Nodding in agreement, before turning back.
"Thank you.." Mikey whispered. He got up, grabbing the old food dish on his way out.
"And Donnie?" Mikey received no reply.
"We love you, Anatawa Hitorijanai." He left the room, quietly shutting the door behind himself.
And all Donnie wanted to do was get him not to leave, to scream at the top of his lungs that he loved him and his family as well...
But, he couldn't.
Because Donnie...
Maybe, maybe he did have an issue. It just wasn't important.
~~~
Mikey walked out of his room, disappointment filled his heart. He just wanted to help Donnie, make him happy again.
When he walked in the living room, he was surprised to see the rest of his family there.
"Oh! Mikey! There you are, we can start the family meeting now." Leo patted his seat, inviting Mikey to sit next to him.
"Family meeting?"