Chapter Text
children of hogwarts
jame
hahh
so.
i have a question
lilibet
scary but yes?
jame
i have a very hypothetical question that just popped into my head
bart
crazy story bro
mean librarian
just ask the question james it’s too early for this shit
farmer mary
its??? 4pm???
mean librarian
i said what i said.
jame
okay.
how much bleach is too much?
lilibet
oh that’s not even bad
did u stain the counter top or somthing
mean librarian
fuck sake
james you’re fucking stupid
panda
REMUS !!! don’t be so mean it’s just a counter top
mean librarian
no it’s not.
mr bark bark
oh jam
reginald
james.
please tell me you are bleaching a stain
jame
i cannot do that i apologise
reginald
and why not.?
jame
i think you already know
marlin
fucking hell
worm
i have the car i’ll be home in twenty
mean librarian
im? driving? the? car? now?
worm
oh yeah
ig i don’t hve it
reginald
drive faster lupin
he can’t afford to lose any brain cells
evie poo😘
doesn’t this remind you of a certain glass incident
farmer mary
LMAO AND REMUS WAS MAD FOR MONTHS
dory
he lived another day to fucking do this kinda shit
mean librarian
it’s a sign that someone needs to finish the fucking job
marlin
MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEM
panda
despicable me
bart
idk abt anything else but regulus is gru
mr bark bark
ve arre going to steal my brovas best frend!!
marlin
fuck off now we’re gonna head another detail abt james’ dick
worm
lay it on us lettus
reginald
last week i saw remus walking around in a jumper that is fucked james in 2 hours earliwr
evie poo😘
oh dam
farmer mary
communal cum jumper
dory
what an odd thing to say
mean librarian
i’m going to hit him with this car
marlin
do it
reginald
y the fuck did pete call me lettuce
worm
bc i typed reggie boy then thought
no
.. lettus.
reginald
that makes no sense
jame
no no i agree
reginald
you drank bleach you don’t get to have an opinion
lilibet
is anyone taking him to a hospital????
mr bark bark
yeah we’re leaving soon but remus is taking a shit
bart
now???
mean librarian
yeah well i’m not shitting in those hospital toilets and james can wait
evie poo🥰
not that im not for james dying
jame
🤨
evie poo🥰
but how can james wait ?? he literally drank bleach
mean librarian
he’s pissinf me off bc who the fuck drinks bleach and he’s not throwing up blood anymore so he’s fine
reginald
lupin if my boyfriend dies bc you’re taking a shit i will get you sent back to that mental hospital.
mean librarian
fine
james stop groaning and get in the car
worm
yay road trip
children of hogwarts
lilibet
is james still alive
mean librarian
unfortunately
mr bark bark
bad moony!!
mean librarian
i’m allowed to be mean they tried to send me back to the nut house
marlin
how the fuck did u almost get sent back
did they think u made him drink it????
dory
maybe they just looked at him for too long
worm
thej brought a psychiatrist down bc they thought prongs did it on purpose and they were apparently on off the pple tha tried to detain moony
bart
wait that’s actually really fucking funny
reginald
not when you get used as a human shield so they couldn’t see him
jame
thej tried to poot me on death watch but it was mistake
mean librarian
suicide watch not death watch fucking hwll
panda
glad you’re okay james !!
evie poo🥰
can’t say i share the sentiment.
jame
😐
children of hogwarts
farmer mary
fine
ill be the one to ask
why the fuck did u drink bleach james
lilibet
im honestly not sure i want to know
marlin
cant relate
spill.
jame
hahah
okay
well
you see
reginald
james stop it
fucking tell us
mean librarian
now.
jame
okay okau
dont get ur panties in a twist
mean librarian
😐
reginald
😐
jame
FINE
so i was casually doing the laundry as one does
sorting the whites and stuff like my mummy taught me
marls
love me some effie life skills
worm
she taught me how to make mashed potatoes
mr bark bark
love me some petey potatoes
worm
aawww fanks padfoot
reginald
shut the fuck up and let james finish
jame
its okay let’s talk about your potatoes pete
mean librarian
JAMES STOP IT
I WILL PISS IN YOUR MOISTURISER
FINISH YOUR STORY
marlin
what kind of monster pisses in someone’s moisturiser
mean librarian
marlene istg
james
fine fine no pissing in beauty products thankyou.
right so as i was saying
i was doing laundry but pads has so many white button ups you would think he was a fuckinf priest so sorting was taking ages
mr bark bark
you just don’t get the aesthetic
reginald
you look like you’re a fuckinf tortured poet
mr bark bark
yes??? that’s the point 🤨🤨
mean librarian
i can piss in more than one moisturiser.
mr bark bark
IM SORRY
PLEASE CONTINUE JAMES
jame
so i was bored and just dilly dallying about
ans i was looking through the fridge as one does
and i noticed the milk was gone
dory
oh lord
jame
bjt then i saw the bottle on the counter and put it in the fridge…
mean librarian
keep going.
jame
yeah yeah i am
ao then i realised i was thirsty and there was a new bottle of milk!!
worm
anddddd?$!
jame
i took a sip.
reginald
fickimf hell
if you only took a sip of what was obviously fuckimg bleach how did you get so much in your system????
jame
ha
well
u see
i thought it had just tasted funny bc i drunk from the bottle and there was some karma
bart
lmao no fucking way no he didnt
mean librarian
hes about to be a dead man if he did.
jame
moony u promised sirius you couldn’t murder me 😟
mean librarian
i changed my mind if we just spend 8 hours in the emergency room because you believe in karma
panda
i believe in karma!!
mean librarian
i beleive in all karma except milk karma.
jame
in my defence peter was the one that told me about blueberry milk
worm
piss of don blame me
jame
when i poured it into the cup o only drunk it bc h told me about blueberry milk and it was blue 😕😕
reginald
lord help me
mr bark bark
since when r u religious
thought u were an athiest
bart
tf is a atheist
marls
when u don’t believe in god and stuff
panda
no that’s a vegan 💗💗
marls
oh fr? my bad
reginald
FUCK OFF ALL OF YOU
farmer mary
not to alarm anyone but remus is being awfully quiet
lilibet
he just sent my call to voicemail
jame
oh fuck
mr bark bark
tf was that noise
worm
promfs
run
jame
wa
HES IN THW WALLS
FICKINF HELL I CANT GET PIT OF THE HOUSE HES IN THW FUCKING WALLS
reginald
lol