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Levi walked along the dark hallway, the moon being the only source of light available. The night was quiet, the low buzz of crickets feeling peaceful.
He was physically tired and emotionally spent, but he needed to talk to Hange. He hadn’t talked to them ever since they got back from reclaiming Wall Maria. At least, not in private. He marched towards Erwin- Hange’s office, hoping that they would still be there.
He opened the door to the Commander’s office without knocking. It was so dark inside he almost missed the silhouette of Hange at the main desk. Not sitting at their new desk, but standing in front of it, like they were talking to someone sitting there. Like they were talking to Erwin.
“Hange?” Levi called out. Hange broke out of their trance and shook their head when they saw who was at the door. Levi walked over to them, but they turned around and went to stand by the window, suddenly very interested in the moon.
The silence panned out like a rope around Levi’s throat. He’d hoped that Hange would initiate the conversation, as they usually did, but they didn’t seem talkative. He knew they didn’t agree with his choice to save the kid, Armin, over Erwin. They were professional enough in front of the others, but he sensed the underlying anger, the hurt.
“Why didn’t you save him?” Hange finally asked, realising that Levi wasn’t going to talk.
“I know he was great at leading the scouts and for the future of mankind-”
“No. I’m not talking about Commander Smith. Why didn’t you save-” Their voice broke, “Why didn’t you save Erwin?”
Levi wanted to play dumb, but he knew exactly what they meant. The three of them, interlocked hands. Shared whispers. Secret kisses.
“…He deserved to rest.” He finally said. He didn't know how to put the rest of his reasoning to words.
“Hah. Rest,” Hange hissed, their voice raising slightly with each word, “As if we don’t all deserve that. What, you’d let me die next so I can sleep peacefully? Do you think you get to decide that? How could you be so selfish?”
Levi’s blood boiled, “Me, selfish? Don’t give me that shit, Hange,” Levi spat, not caring that his voice was loud enough for anyone awake in the middle of the night to hear, “You don’t care that he was the commander, or what his wishes were. You’re upset because you miss him.”
Hange fell silent, their one remaining eye unnaturally red.
“He was tired,” he continued, “and he was ready to sacrifice himself. You should know better than anyone that it’s not possible to save everyone. You're the fucking commander now.”
“And who’s fucking fault is that?” They replied, their voice lacking its usual bite.
It was a battle of grief, which neither one of them would win, and they both knew it. Regardless of how much they argued, Erwin would stay dead. They both also knew they were too stubborn to give in. The pain was too sharp, too fresh.
The chirrup of the crickets was the only sound in the room. The lump in Levi’s throat grew bigger and bigger as he thought of what to say. It felt like the size of the rock used to block off Wall Rose at this point.
“I think you should go to sleep, Captain,” Hange finally sighed and walked back to their desk, shuffling some papers around, “I’m sure you have a busy day tomorrow.”
“Hange-”
“Goodnight.”
“I’m sorry-”
“I know. Goodnight, Levi.”
Levi stepped back and saluted before quietly leaving the room. Sneaking a look at Hange as he shut the door, their expression almost made Levi want to take back everything he said. Almost.
As he walked back to his room, the sound of crickets felt suffocating.