Archive of Our Own

There was - is - a saying in Port Mafia: The greatest misfortune of Dazai's enemies is that they are Dazai's enemies.

A sinister and all too true message everyone within the Mafia, or just the whole of Yokohama's criminal underworld or anyone even remotely associated with it, knows of, word for word, in face of the damage and destruction a single teenager could pull. People learned early on not to mess with the boy the Boss of Port Mafia toted around like a prized poodle or maybe more like a priceless confidant and advisor. Dazai Osamu proved himself to be the merciless wraith of the Mafia as he turned from fifteen to sixteen and racked up a rep sheet and a list of accomplishments that made even Hirotsu, the oldest and longest member of Port Mafia to date, look like a newbie amateur.

The Demon Prodigy, he quickly earned himself the moniker.

Merciless and cruel and cold.

Tamer of gods and monsters, some would jokingly or frightfully joke.

Unflinching, unflappable, emotionless.

Made to hold a gun and spill blood and born to be in the Mafia.

Swift and efficient, competent and precise.

One half of the infamous Soukoku.

Partner of Nakahara Chuuya.

The Boss' right hand man.

A murderer, a torturer, a strategist.

Calculating, frightfully intelligent.

There were many ways to describe the Demon Prodigy's reign of terror and they would all be true, almost too accurately so.

However, not many knew the more humane side of the user of No Longer Human. The way he can act his age around his precious partner whom he would never openly admit genuinely liking or caring about. The way he relaxed around Hirotsu and sort of let the man almost treat him like a grandson. The way he would provide Gin with bandages to hide their sex and medicine for the older Akutagawa. The way he'd make sure said older Akutagawa was not being hurt by anyone outside of their rather rigorous and unforgiving training sessions. The way he'd let himself act a bit more human around his friends in bar Lupin. The way he treated the calico cat he called Sensei. The way he secretly delivered Q brown sugar cookies. The way he made sure the red lights district was extra protected, especially when Kouyou wasn't around. The way he'd actually do some work when Mori looked like he was getting too stressed despite tormenting the man with teases and taunts with the help of Elise. The way he trained his squad so they can survive being the extensions of the Demon Prodigy's will on the most dangerous missions anyone in the Mafia could ever be sent out to.

Dazai, in his total of four years in the Mafia, whether officially or not, had made precious bonds with people that he then left behind after Oda Sakunosuke's death. Him leaving the organization because Mori managed to betray him in a way Dazai had never expected from his mentor did not suddenly diminish his bond with Chuuya, his almost brotherly bond with Q and Elise, his protectiveness an familial relation with the Akutagawa siblings, his care and respect for Hirotsu, his respect and fondness for his Ane-san or his wish to keep his squad alive for as long as it is possible in the lifestyle they have. Even in Mori's case, he did not ever truly come to hate the man; he hated his actions and will never forgive him, but hate is too strong of an emotion for Dazai to spare for Mori. He was angry, more like. It was very complicated.

The one person who'd managed to fall out of Dazai's good will is none other than Sakaguchi Ango, a traitor not only to the Mafia but to the trio of friends who'd once drank together in Lupin as often as their busy schedules would allow. Even the bartender and Sensei the cat are still warmly regarded by Dazai to this day, but not Ango.

Mori's part in the ploy that ended up killing Oda was impersonal, in the sense that Mori had not ever had an intimate connection with the oddest member of the Mafia to ever exist within it.

Ango, however, had let Oda get poisoned so he'd make a clean escape. Ango had been a friend to both Oda and Dazai.

Ango may not have pulled the trigger or even invited Mimic into Yokohama the way Mori had, but he'd played his part and Dazai would never forgive him.

Not when Ango had to clear his record so Dazai could keep his promise to Odasaku, not when, years later, they sort of tentatively had to work together.

While Dazai manipulated everyone like chess pieces in a game only he knew of and the rules and stakes of said game, he was usually very protective and very careful with the 'pieces' he considered precious. That regard had extended to the Armed Detective Agency in the two years he'd worked with them, so he was careful with where he directed them and how he used them.

Ango, though, only got a disabled airbag for all his troubles to rekindle any sort of positive discourse between them.

And then, not long after the Guild was defeated, the strange suicide's happened and Shibusawa returned. Only Soukoku had any chance of standing up to the true form of the man's Ability and Dazai's new and old subordinates slash kids were the only ones who could finish the job.

That implied, however, that subject A5158, AKA Nakahara Chuuya, the vessel of Arahabaki, could defeat the dragon manifestation of thousands of Abilities with the use of Corruption. A risky task given the only person who could stop him before his body destroys itself under the strain of the god he houses was most probably already dead.

But A5158 did not care and jumped out of that carrier plane anyways.

He fought the dragon anyway.

He defeated it and somehow, Soukoku lived to see another daybreak.

Shibusawa was dead and the third - or rather second - criminal managed to escape. Dazai didn't seem too worried about it and insisted they'd have the chance to catch 'Fyodor Dostoevsky' in the future, so they all let it go in order to treat any possible injuries. Given how many people had had to fight their Abilities and that Dazai had been stab-poisoned and A5158 had to recover from using Corruption, it was rather reasonable that the inevitable meeting between the Armed Detective Agency, the Port Mafia and the Special Abilities Division would be delayed for a couple of days, just until the mess in Yokohama was thoroughly taken care of and cleaned up so the civilians would suspect nothing.

When, eventually, everyone was ready for the meeting, Ango was the sucker who had to lead the debrief. He made packets with his reports, as he was the one who had technically reached out to both sides to guide them towards Dazai and where Dazai actually wanted them, and a PowerPoint presentation based on the reports he got from both his subordinates and from the two organizations. (Soukoku, of course, remained rather tight-lipped in their reports; unsurprising for Dazai, but quite the shock for someone as diligent as A5158, but oh well. They both hated him, so it wasn't too surprising.) He was as ready as anyone could ever be, and then some as he was actually somewhat used to the chaos that followed Port Mafia and all its affiliates wherever they went, especially if Dazai was involved. (No, it did not matter that he was with the ADA now, the Port Mafia brand of luck still stuck with him.)

He was the first one to arrive in the meeting room they rented in neutral territory so he could set everything up, placing the packets he'd made where he figured people would sit during the meeting. The Agency arrived quickly after, no doubt pressed into being painfully punctual by Kunikida, the idealist that he was. Dazai, unsurprisingly, wasn't with them and thus would probably be late. The Port Mafia arrived just as everyone had taken a seat and gotten comfortable. Mori smiled at everyone present in a way that made their skin crawl before he took his seat opposite Fukuzawa, still smiling but a bit differently now compared to earlier.

Surprisingly, A5158 was the rear of the little procession of Executives, Akutagawa and Elise.

Surprisingly, Dazai came right in after him, as though they'd actually been together.

Surprisingly, everyone but Mori of the Port Mafia were shocked at this fact, too.

But Ango knew better than to focus on the eccentricities of Soukoku and instead started the meeting when Chief Taneda gave him the go ahead. Almost everyone was very attentive and turned to the pages he mentioned in their packets when appropriate. Kunikida, predictably, took notes. Ranpo, Dazai, Fukuzawa, Mori and A5158 didn't so much as touch or even glance at theirs, which was unsurprising. The leaders were busy in a heated silent exchange happening just between their eyes, Ranpo was eating snacks and Ango tried his best not to think what Soukoku was up to, given they'd been sending him glares and sneers whenever he so much as glanced at where they were sat next to each other, seemingly of their own choice. Whatever had happened during the as of now dubbed 'Dead Apple' incident seems to have helped them smooth things over in their own relationship. Hopefully that meant good things for the future and not more problems, because as effective and competent as Soukoku were, they were also very problematic and destructive.

Still, despite a few minor snags, the first part of the meeting was going rather smoothly with no major problems.

Ango should have known it wouldn't last.

"Now, if you would all turn to page 51 of your provided packets, we can begin discussing the circumstances leading up to and surrounding the fight between subject A5158 and the dragon manifest-" He was interrupted by a pen snapping and everyone automatically turned their attention towards Kunikida, who was the most likely to snap a pen due to some frustration Dazai or maybe even someone else had caused him. However, the blond idealist's pen was in perfect shape and seemed to be just as confused as them, if not more, as his attention was focused on something else.

So everyone followed his gaze, only to flinch back or shiver at what they found.

Ango was far more familiar with the Demon Prodigy than he would ever like to think about or admit, so he knew shit was about to hit the fan when he saw that smile on Dazai's face and the completely dull, empty look in his eyes.

"Ne, ne, Ango, mind repeating that? I think I misheard something~"

Every single one of the Port Mafia members present immediately stiffened as though put at gunpoint and even Ango paused at the ... 'request'. After all, one thing Ango had learned about Dazai is that he never needed anything repeated to him, ever. He could be leading five different conversations, drunk and half asleep and he'd still be able to keep track of everything being said and done. Besides, he hated repeating himself and also having people say the same thing to him more than once; he considered it a waste of time. He made sure to let the 'offending' party know as much shamelessly when he finds himself in such situations. Oda was, quite possibly, the only exception to this rule, like he used to be the exception for many things regarding Dazai.

So if Dazai asks someone to repeat themselves, that's usually a bad thing. It could mean one of two things: Dazai was trying to be annoying, which was the lesser of two evils, or someone had said something especially stupid and managed to offend him in a way he cannot let go.

Given how he and A5158 have been bickering childishly between themselves instead of paying attention to the meeting while also sending Ango dirty looks, the former triple spy figured it was the former and just sighed in exasperation. "Repeating what, Dazai-kun? I barely began this part of the report."

"And what is this part of the report about?" Dazai asked 'innocently' and the Mafia looked increasingly uncomfortable to be in the same room as him. A5158 was especially tense beside him with a scowl on his face which kind of confused Ango. He had thought those two had hashed things out? Or that, at least, if there was one person in this world that would never fear Dazai, it would have been the ginger haired man.

"If you'd just pay attention for once in your life," Kunikida snapped, much to the open shock of Mori, Ozaki and Akutagawa. "You would know that we're talking about the fight against that giant dragon accumulation of Abilities that happened towards the end of the incident you had a hand in causing-"

"I wasn't asking you, Kunikida-kun," Dazai said coldly, surprising his current colleagues with how sharp his words were, lacking the usual teasing undertones. "But I guess we should get on with the meeting, ne, Ango? Turn the slide, turn the slide~" The brunet said with an overly cheerful demeanor Ango did not trust one bit. But he had no choice but to do just that and so he continued his presentation, writing the instance off as Dazai being his usual self as the menace to society that he was.

"As I was saying, if you would all turn to page 51 of your provided packets, we can begin discussing the circumstances leading up to and surrounding the fight between subject A5158-"

He was interrupted again.

This time, by the click of a gun's safety.

Everyone froze as they all looked over and saw the blank-faced Dazai pointing a gun with deathly precision at Ango.

"DAZAI!" Kunikida yelled reprovingly and in shock while the mafioso cursed.

"Who was stupid enough to let Dazai-kun get his hands on a gun?" Mori asked accusingly, keeping a careful eye on the armed brunet. In the spirit of this tentative alliance, both sides had come unarmed to the meeting, with the exceptions of Kunikida and Akutagawa, seeing as their Abilities weaponized simple objects. Not like weapons would mean much in a room full of dangerous Ability users. Still, they had all gone through a thorough, rigorous security screening and Dazai had already been reported to have handed in the gun he occasionally used for work purposes, usually provided by Kunikida himself.

"Care to repeat that one more time for me, Ango?" The former Port Mafia Executive said once more and Ango knew he was completely serious right now. It hadn't been a joke at all.

Ango had, apparently, managed to piss his once friend off.

Quite a bit, at that.

Not good.

But as much as Ango knew that he shouldn't talk again until he figures out what had triggered this reaction, he also knew he shouldn't provoke him by not answering. "Is there something wrong with talking about how the dragon was defeated by A5158-"

He was cut off a third time.

This time, by a gunshot.

Someone screamed.

Ango's right temple stung where the bullet had grazed him and also destroyed his glasses. He stood frozen in place, afraid that a single twitch would get him killed.

Dazai looked murderous. He also looked ready to shoot again.

"DAZAI, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"

"Shut up, Kunikida." The blond man, as well as the entire Agency, finally matched the mafiosos, freezing in place under the cold, heavy dread coloring the room as the Demon Prodigy making an appearance changed the whole atmosphere in seconds. "Now, Ango. Ango, Ango, Ango, traitorous ex-friend of mine," Dazai said almost dramatically if not for the flat expression he wore and the eyes glaring daggers at the aforementioned man. "You're probably wondering why I'm one finger-twitch away from killing you despite my promise to Odasaku, ne? Would you like to hazard a guess? Do keep in mind that that shot was deliberately off the mark; make me any angrier with the wrong answer, or even the right answer worded wrongly, and some poor cleaning lady or janitor will have to deal with the blood stains and your spilled brains."

"Dazai, what is the meaning of this?" The ADA President tried to interfere, but Mori stopped him before he, too, could potentially become collateral damage.

"Just let it play out, old friend."

"This behavior is unacceptable-"

"What is unacceptable," Mori coolly interrupted whatever Taneda was about to say. "Is the amount of stupidity the Division has shown today. Honestly, angering Dazai-kun? Do you lot have a death wish? If so, keep me and my men out of it."

"I'm honestly tempted to just let Dazai-kun deal with them all," Kouyou said imperiously. "The disrespect they've shown one of our own is more than cause enough," she said with a dignified sniff.

"We've been nothing but accommodating and courteous-"

"Oh, because I'm sure dehumanization is the peak of hospitality," sneered Dazai, finally revealing the cause of his anger. "I really should have killed you that night in Lupin, Ango. Maybe even Odasaku would have still been alive. At least if you'd have learned your lesson from that time ... But no, of course not. After all, all of us are just numbers to the Division, aren't we?"

Ango paled as he realized what the source of Dazai's anger really was. A glance at the emotionless facade of Nakahara Chuuya told Ango that he had fucked up.

Because he had just done two of the top ten things to avoid doing if one wishes to survive Port Mafia employment.

There were many rumors and sayings within Port Mafia regarding its many members, especially the upper echelons and especially a pair of Executives whose infamy made even the Boss himself seem like child's play.

Without a doubt 'The greatest misfortune of Dazai's enemies is that they are Dazai's enemies' is the most famous and infamous one and it was heeded like one would heed the law. Bar Mori himself wishing to keep you alive, Dazai had free reign to do what he wished with those he considered enemies. You better hope you have some strategic value if you wish to stay alive, but even then,perhaps death would be a mercy, because living with the Demon Prodigy as your adversary is not living at all: it's torture and torment.

The second most famous and infamous saying and downright law of the Mafia says as follows: 'Soukoku are one; how you treat one, you treat the other and how one treats you, the other will treat you that way, too'. To simplify, if you befriend one half of Soukoku, the other will 'value' you enough to keep you alive and safe on missions, at least. However, if you become the enemy of one half, the other half will hate you even more and bring tenfold the retribution raining down on you.

From the age of sixteen to eighteen, this was the golden rule of working or dealing with Soukoku. Even when they were fighting, even when they refused to speak to one another or they were trying to kill each other, even when they claimed there was nothing but hate between them, this was the one rule you must adhere to unless you want to end up the one they torment or kill.

So, one could summarize it as such: the greatest misfortune of Dazai's enemies may be that they are Dazai's enemies, but the greatest misfortune of Nakahara Chuuya's enemies is that they also have Dazai as their enemy. After all, having Nakahara Chuuya as an enemy is only scary when fighting or until the moment you're about to die and then it's done as cleanly and as quickly as one can manage because, mostly, the redhead is not needlessly cruel. Dazai, however, is cruel enough for the both of them; he might even enjoy prolonging your suffering for hours and hours until even in death, you find no mercy as the dark, shadowy hands of that demon reach deep into your soul and rob you of the peace of nothingness.

After all, Ango remembers well that one case with that one traitor/spy who had an Ability called Schrodinger's Cat which allowed him to escape death nine times in a day. Dazai had been sent after him; he'd been seventeen and a half at that time and he'd been absent from their little get-togethers in Lupin for a month. Turns out, he'd found the traitor/spy on the first day of his little hunt and had spent the month torturing every single scrape of information he could get from him until he'd wrung him dry. In that time, he'd killed the man in 261 ways, starting from the moment he'd realized death was far from a permanent state for the man.

The newbies on Dazai's squad had been rather traumatized to see a teenager turn into a master torturer in front of their eyes and had spent many a nights in various bars retelling the gruesome sights they were witnesses to. Ango had been unfortunate enough to overhear some of them and that was how he learned that the man had begged Dazai to either kill him a tenth time in a single day or to use No Longer Human on him the next time he wants to kill him. Dazai didn't even grant him that mercy until he was sure there was not a single thing the man hadn't told him.

In between torture sessions or his revivals and deaths, the man had, apparently, suffered even in death as Dazai haunted him like a ghost. The wraith of the Port Mafia indeed. The Demon Prodigy, following his victims like a shadow even into hell, despite still remaining living and breathing on the earthly plane.

When, eventually, the Division had to make Dazai's record, which was later erased so he can join the Agency, that poor man's 261 deaths had to be marked down as only one tally out of the 138 people Dazai murdered because, for all that he'd died more than once, he was only one life. Ango, at the time, hadn't been sure if he was happy that Dazai's kill count hadn't increased exponentially or if he was upset that so many crimes were being brushed under the rug because there was simply no protocol for almost-immortals.

But that is besides the point, at this moment. No, the point of this moment is that Ango had crossed an unvoiced red line he'd never even been aware his once friend had drawn in blood before they had even met.

Dazai himself will never truly care what people think of him, far too used to the fact that he was so out of touch with humanity, his own or in general, that being treated or addressed as anything other than human did not bother him in the slightest.

However, the same could not be said about the man the government had labeled as A5158 more than fourteen years ago. Ango knew, vaguely, how much the short redhead struggled with his own humanity and given he'd had access to his files, he even understood why. He remembered long rambles into the night on the rare occasion Dazai would get drunk, how the brunet seemed utterly baffled that anyone could question Nakahara Chuuya's humanity when it was impossible for him to be anything but painfully human. Ango remembered that Oda especially loved these rants, because he'd once commented how it showed Dazai's own more human side, letting it slip how much he could care for his friends, even if Soukoku refused to use any other term to address each other as other than partner, a word that seemed to carry more weight to them than any other string of letters and sounds in the world.

To imply one or the other half of Soukoku was anything but human, especially in either of their presence, was more taboo than to plot to kill the Boss.

It was a death warrant signed by your own hand in your own spilled blood, with your own ground teeth made into a paste to act as a binding seal.

(And not even just because Soukoku would come after you, no; both boys had quite a large group of people ready to gladly commit various crimes to protect their 'virtues' and honor, even if neither was quite aware of it or at least its extent.)

Only a fool would deliberately do it, especially in their presence. They had never once failed to act on it when someone was stupid enough to try it.

And it seems this practice, just like their trust and impeccable partnership, had survived the four years of separation.

And Ango had just done the stupidest, most suicidal thing he had done in his life, including the time he'd let Oda get poisoned so he could escape once his cover was blown four years ago. Dazai's mercy back then had been a miracle.

If Ango is not careful, not even a miracle would save him today. Because as much as Dazai adored Oda Sakunosuke, Soukoku was in a league of their own.

To question Nakahara Chuuya's humanity or indirectly imply he had none in front of Dazai Osamu was a death sentence.

And Ango has been found guilty of this crime and the punishment of death stared at him threateningly down the barrel of Dazai's gun.

Ango gulped. Very deliberately projecting every move he was making despite knowing Dazai would be able to read every intention and predict every twitch he made, Ango moved around the table until he was able to prostate himself before the vessel of Arahabaki and the only person now capable of stopping Dazai from breaking his precious promise to Oda. His forehead touched the floor as he all but begged for forgiveness despite knowing that Nakahara would like to see his head on a spike just as much as his partner.

"I humbly and sincerely apologize for the transgression I've made against you, Nakahara Chuuya-sama. It was not my intention to in any way upset or insult you. I will endeavor to never let it happen again to the best of my ability and I offer my services to make up for my plunder."

There was a moment of tense and stunned silence for a long moment before a snort reached his ears. "Get up, Doc Glasses. This is pathetic, even for you." Ango dared glance up at the redhead and did his best not to sag in relief when he saw that he had a hand over the gun Dazai was still holding. "If you're offering your services, however, I'm not gonna pass that up. I'm sure you know what I'll ask for."

Ango knew he would get in trouble for this, but he nodded, sealing it with a promise. Surely giving Nakahara a few of their files on Arahabaki is worth it if it means they prevent the Demon Prodigy from making a grand return with a bloodbath in a room rented out by the Special Abilities Division. It's not as if the brunet didn't already have enough ammunition on them and the government to have them burned to the ground until not even ashes are left of their remains. The Demon Prodigy was a bit too good at his job for anyone's but his own good, after all.

With forgiveness so graciously granted, Dazai only huffed at Ango before returning to just being the Dazai the Agency was used to, though Ango was sure there would be a lot of questions coming the brunet's way after this incident. No doubt the man will be able to talk his way out of it without revealing a single secret, so Ango wasn't too worried about it.

Still, he was quite glad to be out of the suffocating room the second Taneda called for a recess for them to recover from the near murder that had just happened. Nakahara grabbed Dazai and dragged him off to who knows where before anyone else could say anything about it. The Port Mafia just let it happen, all of them looking as pleased as the cat who got the canary, while the Agency tried to hunt down their wayward second best detective.

Ango, on the other hand, rushed to his office, taking his carefully crafted packets with him because he had a lot of reprinting to do. Dazai will, no doubt, now actually take a look at them to see if he still had a good enough reason to kill Ango and Ango decided to make a few other changes on pages regarding Dazai; after all, he doesn't want to see what Nakahara's reaction would be should he see that one mention of Dazai's past as the widely feared Demon Prodigy so boldly displayed for all to see on Ango's presentation or in his information packets.

And if Ango had to do a quick check of his underwear before he got to work, that was his business and no one else's.

And if anyone wants to make fun of him for almost making a mess of himself, Ango will personally send them to Dazai for a up-close and personal experience so they can taste what it feels like to be on the receiving end of the Demon Prodigy's vicious, murderous protectiveness towards his 'loathed' partner.

Really, Ango almost pitied Fyodor Dostoevsky; he had no idea what he was getting himself into. And that pity increased when he learned Dostoevsky wanted to use Chuuya against Dazai during the mess happening in Meursault prison.

But, really, it's up to Dostoevsky to learn the greatest misfortune of Dazai's enemies.

Especially when Chuuya comes back to his senses.

The rat stood no chance, really.

It's Soukoku, after all.

OWARI