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Astarion considered himself to be a better man than he once was. He hadn't really made the conscious choice to better himself, it had been more of a slow assimilation.
His love had given him everything that he had always felt too ashamed to want. Kindness, safety, patience, adoration, and warmth. The gods would never again let a soul be born like hers. They had poured pure divinity into her veins with such unparalleled sweetness. Indulging in her was sacred. Her heart was his temple, her body was his altar, her lips his prayer, and her blood was his most sacred hymn.
There were nights after their long adventure had come to an end, where he would wake from a nightmare completely paralyzed in fear. Awake and so utterly and completely certain that he was still under Cazador's control. It was easy in those moments to convince himself that she had been nothing but a dream. A wonderful, glorious dream.
And he would weep. Deep guttural, mourning cries, filled with the most primal need for her. The tears wouldn't stop. His body ached. He needed her to be real.
"Astarion," her gentle voice would bring him back to reality. "Breathe for me, my darling. Everything is alright. You're alright. Come back to me."
It would never fail to surprise him that she was real. That she lay beside him in the bed they shared. Night after night, in their home, under their roof, curled up in the safety of the warm quilt he had hand stitched for them. Her love was real. This was real.
And by some miracle she was his.
She would hold him as he continued to weep, never expecting an explanation. She would rub comforting circles into his skin, over his scars and through his hair, wiping away his tears with featherlight kisses and cherishing him in ways he could have never fathomed. One moment with her would have given him enough comfort to last a lifetime. She gave her love so freely, but oh, so voraciously. It consumed him. Completely, wholly, perfectly.
Good things, nice things were never meant for him. The gods hadn't given her to him, no. She was no divine blessing. He had pleaded with the almighty gods for centuries, after every beating and torment, to give him something, anything to ease the weight of the world around him. But his prayers went unheard and unanswered. No, the gods hadn't given her to him; he had stolen her away from the gods. She was his beautiful sliver of sunlight that cherished every moment with him in the dark alongside him. She was the most precious gift.
He would never give her back.
He wanted to be a better man for her.
But just for her. Everyone else could go fuck themselves.
It had been her idea to go out that evening.
Unfortunately, upon entering a life filled to the brim with comfort, Astarion had realized that he actually very much enjoyed the mundanity of a settled life. He had thought he would hate it, the quietness and bore of a home; but quite quickly, he came to realize that when they did embark on daring new adventures, he longed for the warmth of their bed, the pages of the books he had begun to collect and the intoxicating feeling of ravaging her body in complete privacy.
It wasn’t a new realization that he hated to share either.
Not that going out to a tavern was a daring new adventure. She had wanted to go out dancing and who was he to tell her no? If she wanted to dance, he would dance with her until the sun crept through the windows and turned him to nothing but ash. He would do anything for her, He would give her the world should she simply ask for it.
Besides, he loved to watch her dance. She wasn’t especially good at it. Not that she was bad either, but her movements lacked the grace of technical skill. Gods was her body hypnotic to watch though. The gentle sway of her hips, her flushed cheeks, and her bright smile. He especially liked the way she lifted her chin as she enjoyed the rhythm of the song, exposing her beautiful neck to the candlelight tavern, showing off the very special spot where his fangs had claimed her as his to the rest of the world. Suddenly and all at once, everything seemed a bit too much for him. He felt his cock twitch with need. He wanted her. He wanted to feel her flushed body against his own, He wanted to hear the lewd way his name escaped from her lips as he coaxed orgasm after orgasm from her quivering body. He wanted to touch her, ravish her, completely ruin her as he fucked her until she couldn’t stand.
“My darling, would you care for a drink?” he asked her, his voice perhaps the slightest bit raspy, as he struggled to overcome his erotic thoughts.
Right now, she wanted to dance. He had the entire evening to share other activities with her. He wouldn’t ruin her fun just yet.
She met his gaze playfully. “I don’t know. Would you, my love?”
Fuck.
She would be the death of him.
He licked his lips, almost accidentally. Of course, he did. She was intoxicating. "Is that an invitation, you sweet, sweet thing?"
"For you Astarion, always."
His name sounded so erotic as it rolled off of her tongue. It was drawn out and intimate but ever so sweet. Her words dripped seductively from her lips, hanging heavily in the air like an aphrodisiac made just for him. He couldn't help but imagine the unholy things he wanted that pretty mouth to do to him. He wanted to feel her, breathless, aching and gagging as she sucked his dick.
He tried his best to calm himself before too much blood rushed below. He extended his arm for her to take. "Let's go get you a drink, my dear. A gentleman like myself will always wine before he dines."
She laughed and took his arm, gently squeezing his hand as she did so. Oh, how he loved the sound of her laugh. He felt his chest swell with a secretive joy. He took great pleasure in being one of the few who could make her laugh so freely. It was magical, every time.
She let him lead her across the tavern to an empty table. “Why don’t you take a moment to rest while I go find us a bottle of wine.”
“Find?” she asked, her voice brimming with amusement. “I do hope you mean buy, my Star.”
He feigned a hurt expression. “Gods, of course, I don’t mean buy. Do you take me for an honest man, darling? I’m wounded. I thought we knew each other better than that.”
She beamed at him as he began to slink away from their table, toward the bar. “Play nicely.” she teased.
“I will make no such promises.”
Astarion wasted no time surveying the bottles on the shelf behind the bar. He weighed his options, looking the bottles over carefully. The urge to take the most expensive bottle was hard to resist, but it was white and he knew that she preferred red. He mulled over his options, decisions were hard to make when you didn’t have to pay for them.
He decided on a red but as he moved in to take his mark, his ears twitched as he caught wind of a very interesting conversation.
“If you could have any woman in the tavern tonight, which one would you take to bed?” An elvish man asked his human companion.
The human man stroked his unruly beard, truly stumped by his friend’s question. He meticulously pondered over a few women, sizing them up like prey. “She’s beautiful,” he said about one, “her tits are huge” he said about another. Uninterested in their invigorating banter, Astarion began to tune out their conversation. Drunk bastards. “Oh, but look at her,” the human remarked hungrily, lust dripping from every word. “I want her.”
Astarion wasn’t sure why he turned his head to see which woman the human had settled on. Vanity perhaps? Any woman would have been a fine choice but none of them compared to-
Her. He was pointing at her. His love.
A feral kind of jealousy stirred inside of him. He knew it was juvenile, to become so enraptured with envy over a man who simply had eyes. To pick a fight with the man for having the right response. Astarion tried his best to calm himself. Other men were allowed to want her. That made it all the sweeter that he was the one that had her.
They were not, however, allowed to say the next words that fell from the man’s mouth. “There’s something devilish behind those eyes. She looks like the type of whore that would do anything to please. A real slut. I bet she could take us both at the same time.”
The rage that bubbled up in his throat was something otherworldly. His hand felt for the hilt of his dagger.
The elvish man laughed drunkenly at his companion’s remark. “I have to take a leak, but you should go and see if you can strike up a deal with her for us. I’d be more than willing to toss her a few gold for the trouble.”
Astarion watched the elf saunter away, white, hot, venom searing though his entire being. He didn’t want the elf getting away with implying something so lewd about his beloved, but Astarion knew that the root of his anger lay with the human. The elf would have to be taught a lesson some other day.
Astarion crept up on the human man before he could take a single step in her direction. Astarion pushed his dagger against the small of the man’s back, being careful do so in a such a way that the other patrons couldn’t see the danger that the man was in. The man stiffened under his knife. Good. Astarion picked his next words carefully,
“Don’t say a single word if you would like to continue breathing. If you so much as think about that woman again, I will know. I will find you and flay you alive. I will peel your skin off, inch by inch until you are nothing more than a sniveling pile of flesh. Do I make myself clear?
The man nodded quickly.
“Good. Now, were you planning on spending the evening in a room upstairs?”
The man nodded again, swallowing hard.
His voice was lethal. “No, you weren’t. Give me the key.”
Shaking, the man reached into his coat pocket and with a shaking hand, gave the key over to Astarion. Astarion pocketed it.
“If I ever see you again, I will kill you.” he hissed in the man’s ear. "That isn’t a threat either, it's a promise.” he let his knife drop ever so slightly. “Get out of my sight.”
The man gasped for air upon his release. He took one, long look at Astarion, before rushing toward the exit. Astarion wanted to chase after him. He wanted to kill him. But he wouldn’t, not now anyways. He had much more important things on his mind. He beelined towards his beloved.
She greeted him with the warmest smile. “There you are! I was wondering where-” she cut herself off as she looked him over. “Is everything alright?”
He took the man’s key from his pocket and read the room number, before turning it over in his hands and pocketing it once more. “Astarion,” she continued, her brows furrowing. “Please say something. You’re scaring me.”
He didn’t quite know what to say. His mind was swirling with a mix of emotion. Anger, mostly, but there was also fear; an underlying anxiety to his unspoken words. There was a mix of disgust and hate, too. He could live a thousand lifetimes and never be ready to hear anyone objectify her in that way again. It was vile. But there was more to it as well. There was a deep seeded, cardinal, shameful lust flowing through his veins. There was the overwhelming desire to prove he was the only person allowed to touch her. To feel her and indulge in every pleasure of her body.
“You are mine.” he said slowly.
Her gaze softened, she saw the anxiety building behind his eyes. She knew something had happened, but she didn’t pry. “I am yours.” she assured him quietly, reaching out to touch his arm ever so gently. “I am yours, Astarion.”
That was all he needed to hear.
He wanted her, and he wanted her now.
Without another word, he threw her ever so easily over his shoulder. She yelped, surprise getting the best of her. Color flooded to her cheeks as their fellow patrons watched in amusement as Asarion dashed toward the stairwell with her perched unceremoniously over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. He was ever so eager to get her upstairs, he didn't care who was looking.
Hands shaking in a way that was unlike him, he unlocked the room that the human had rented. It was small, no bigger really than a broom cupboard, but it would suffice.
He threw her onto the bed without so much of a second thought. She landed with a delicate thump, looking ever so appealing in beautiful dishevelment. He wasted no time crawling on top of her, catching her lips between his own. “I have wanted you all evening.” he breathed into her neck, planting kisses from her collarbone to her shoulder.
“Whose room is this?” she asked him, between kisses.
“Ours,” he growled, bringing her mouth to his once more. He kissed her like it was the last time he would ever get to. Hungerly, full of passion and slight desperation.
“I don’t believe you.” she whispered into his mouth.
“Shhh, darling.” he hushed her as his hands quickly found their way underneath the fabric of her blouse. He ran his fingers ever so lightly across her stomach and her across her ribs. He tugged at the hem of the blouse. He needed to see her. He wanted to bask in all the beauty she had to offer him.
Between kisses and without a word, she helped him pull the blouse over her head. She shivered, the cold air hitting her almost immediately as the blouse tumbled to the floor. He sat back on his haunches for a moment to drink her in. Splayed out in front of him, breathing heavily in anticipation of what was to come next, he was sure that he had never seen anyone so tenderly beautiful before her. Such beauty in the lowlight. He wanted to devour her. He pulled his tunic eagerly off as well, letting it puddle on the floor with hers.
He leaned down once more, kissing her throat once for good measure before he moved to focus his attention on her breasts. He took one in his hand, squeezing firmly as he took the other in his mouth, swirling his tongue around her hardened nipple. She arched her back instinctively with a small gasp to allow him better access. He smiled deviously against her supple skin. He loved the way her body responded to his. Effortlessly, full of adoration.
Her fingers trembled as she laced them through his white curls, holding his head in place as he continued to pleasure her. He nipped at her nipple lightly with his teeth, careful not to draw blood. He felt her squirm delightedly. "Astarion, please-" she breathed heavily, tightening her grasp on his hair.
He kissed and licked his way up to her clavicle, finding the delicious hollow of her neck. He sucked on it gently. "Please what, sweet girl? Use your words."
"Touch me." She begged, rolling her hips against his leg.
"I am touching you." He teased. "Or," he hummed slightly, sliding his fingers under the waistband of her trousers. She wasn't wearing any underwear which gave him complete access to her sex. Naughty girl. His index finger found its way to her clit. "Did you mean to touch you here?" He whispered, massaging it between his finger.
She bucked into his hand, a trembling, unexpectant whimper escaping her lips at the the sudden touch. Gods, how he loved the pretty noises she made just for him.
"Yes," she gasped. "More."
"Patience, sweetness." He laughed coyly, enjoying how completely desperate she looked underneath him. "We've barely started."
She groaned, throwing her head back into the softness of the mattress as he traced adoring circles around her clit, pinching ever so slightly when she got too comfortable and stopped squirming against him. Testing the waters, he pushed a finger inside of her. Her breath hitched. Gods, she was already so deliciously wet.
He pulled her trousers the rest of the way down with his unoccupied hand, pinching her ass playfully as he did so. He drank her in as she lay naked before him. Her eyes were hooded heavily with desire. Desire for him. No knowledge would ever have been more delightful to him in that moment. He watched her as her chest heaved in anticipation and her lips pursed, parting as shallow breaths passed from them. Her body called to him like a siren's song. She was his love, his goddess. Perfect in every way.
He pushed another finger inside, moving them slowly, scissoring them apart until he found the one perfect spot that made her cry out with delighted pleasure.
Her nails dug into his shoulder as his fingers moved skillfully inside her. She looked so helpless under his hand. "Astarion," she mewled. "Fuck me."
He wanted nothing more in that moment than to be her undoing.
He removed his hand from inside her and licked his fingers, tasting her pure sweetness, making certain that she held his gaze the entire time that he did so. He swore he felt her swoon. Good. He kicked off his trousers and undergarments, his member springing free from its constraints, hard with lust and the animalistic need to be inside her.
He lined himself up against her quivering slit. He pushed in slowly, inch by inch, the ecstasy of her walls molding against him felt more religious than any experience he had ever had the pleasure of witnessing.
She whimpered in delight, taking him in so, so well. "Good girl." He praised. "You're taking me so well, darling."
She moaned, her legs twitching against his hips.
He let her adjust to his length. He wanted her comfortable before he fucked her raw.
"You are divine." He praised, gathering her up in his arms to ravish her at a better angle. Skin to skin, nothing between them.
She ground her hips desperately against him, signaling that she was ready for him to begin.
He moved slowly at first, gently, loving. His pace was steady, welcoming and intimate. She kissed his temple as he held her. She was whispering sweet nothings in his ear, hardly coherent but oh, so tender. Her voice brimmed with pleasure.
She smelled intoxicating. Sweat and sweetness, warm, uneven breaths against his cold skin. He felt her tilt her chin upward, presenting her neck for him. "Drink, my love." She rasped in his ear. "Please."
He did not deserve this tremendous gift, but every day she gave him more. He breathed against the hollow of her neck, salivating as he licked the perfect spot. He bit down as softly as he could, but he could still feel her instinctively tense against him. She ran her fingers through his curls as reassurance before the anxiety had time to take root.
He breathed. It was okay, she wanted this. She had told him that so many times, but he never wanted to take her consent for granted.
He drank her in deeply, she was like velvet on his throat. The most delicious treat.
As he drank, his thrusts became more erratic, more needy and deep, and filled with intense desire. She thrust her hips against him, screaming out his name, over and over and over again. Begging for him not to stop. Begging him to fill her with his seed. He loved the sound of her voice. He wanted the entire tavern to hear her.
No one else would ever know the godlike pleasure of fucking her. All other men would die incomplete. She was perfection.
He released her neck from his bite, always fearing that she wouldn't let him know before he went too far. Blood trickled down her shoulder creating constellations out of her freckles. He wasted no time licking up his excess.
She moaned, mourning the loss of his mouth. He rammed his hilt into her deeply. She cried out into his shoulder, wrapping her legs tightly around his back. "More, please more! I'm going to-"
He could feel her tightening around him, her body yearning for an ecstasy only he could provide.
He fucked her as if the love was lost. Hard, fast, desperate. The only thing that existed in the world in that very moment was their combined pleasure. He felt her release against his cock before she seemed to even register it. Her whole body heaved, twitching against his own in fervent ecstasy as she called out his name like a prayer. He continued to fuck her as she rode out her orgasm, adoring every small movement her body could muster. He came moments later, filling her aching pussy to the brim with his seed.
They collapsed onto the bed together, their breathing fell into almost perfect harmony.
"You're incredible." She managed to say between short breaths, tucking a wayward curl behind his pointed ear.
He cupped her cheek with a small smirk. "Only for you, my sweet, sweet, vocal love."
Her cheeks flushed beneath his fingers. "Oh, hush." She replied, swatting at his shoulder playfully. "I was only proving that I meant what I said earlier."
"Oh really, darling? And what would that be?"
"That I am yours." She said confidently, her eyes never leaving his own. "Body and soul, for every moment of the rest of our lives. I am yours, Astarion."
His heart was so full. "And I am yours." He assured her. "I love you." He whispered. "More than the moon loves the stars."
"I love you too." She hummed happily, fighting to keep her eyes open; fighting to stay awake. "Now, would you please tell me whose bed we've just absolutely ruined?" She mumbled.
He placed a kiss against her forehead, shaking his head just slightly and holding her tightly against him. "No one worth mentioning. Just rest now, my darling. We have the room to ourselves for the night."
He was a better man than he once was, yes, but only for her.