Chapter Text
When Stoick learns his boy likes other boys through one of their many arguments, he hires a male sex worker instead of a female so that maybe now his son can finally become a man.
He’s not a bad dad, just very traumatised by his own dad and very old fashioned, and it’s not like Hiccup is underage like he was when he lost his virginity, Hiccup is twenty five and a phd student who’s a little too dedicated to his studies.
Stoick sits over a very long dinner with Gobber, because of course Gobber has a better eye for this than him, to carefully choose who’s gonna be the prostitute.
The Vast isn’t very good at picking women either, only ever having fallen for Hiccup’s mother and nobody else, and he knows his son calls that being a Demisexual but he doesn’t really like the label, he only has the patch on his jacket to match his son’s who’s got the same flag and recently added the bi one.
He knows the bi one, Valka would have loved it, but he’s a little suspicious his son might be gay instead. Specially after breaking up with such a wonderful girl like Astrid, why else would he?
So he scrolls on his phone with Gobber by his side, and to every option Gobber points he has something bad to say. The man is either too old or too young looking, too feminine, too masculine, too short for Hiccup, too much beard, not beard enough, too domineering, too aggressive in their description, too many typos in their bio…
“Why ask for my help then???” He just ignores the other man’s inquiry and keeps scrolling.
Eventually Gobber grabs his own phone and logs into the website making an account.
“We’re looking for a prostitute, not a husband, Stoick.” Gobber reminds him. But it’s Hiccup’s virginity they’re talking about, and he reminds the blond of that.
That’s when they find him.
“Winter, 25, he/him, working for the adult entertainment industry at XVideos, PornHub, OnlyFans and more. Certified whore with no preferences, queer and proud, polite nympho <3. Your rare gentle giant, 6”1’, nine incher, pierced and tatted up, six hours of lasting battery. 99% Russian 1% British (I know, I’m sorry, I don’t like it either luv). I do dates, films, massages, pole dancing, sex and your lonely mother. Can cook, clean and fix your car in your outfit of choice as well.”
The introduction is lengthier than the others but fun to read, Stoick laughs at the “your lonely mother” part because it’s probably true but also a funny joke, and most importantly, it seems like Winter takes his job seriously.
Looking at his pictures, the sex worker is remarkably, disgustingly gorgeous with a body Stoick can tell is a product of very consistent gym hours and a strong diet. He’s tall and handsome but also pretty, not too muscly but not too skinny either, could probably manhandle Hiccup easily. His skin is very pale and so are his clear blue eyes, but what’s most unique about him is the white hair. Everything’s Snow White.
“Ah, I get why he’s called Winter” Gobber says first thing.
“I think this is the one.” Stoick lets him know, and they go through the profile a bit more, making an effort to find the man’s Instagram.
He’s @notolantern and his real name seems to be Jack Frost, there’s pictures of him surfing, some videos of him cooking, and some pictures of him surrounded by women in studios as he prepares to film orgies.
There’s this one picture in particular Stoick finds endearing where Jack smiles with a thumbs up pointing his phone’s camera to a big mirror, soaked from head to toe in baby oil, completely naked but having his junk censored by somebody else’s hang loose, the caption reading “just another day at work I guess”. It’s the type of thing Hiccup would probably think is funny, he thinks, and he’s not wrong.
Gobber’s the one to click the link to one of the Porn Star’s videos, and they watch for about thirty seconds a clip in which Winter lovingly fucks a “big titty horny milf” in her kitchen while her husband is away.
Porn is porn and porn lies, they know, but it’s still nice to know the content the white haired is making revolves mostly around “love making” rather than aggressive kinks.
He caters towards a feminine audience, and most of his titles include “having fun” and smiley faces.
So Winter it is. Winter is the one.
Stoick sends him a lengthy message with punctuation that probably seems threatening, but he’s old and autistic and there’s not much to do about that. He explains the services are for his son, and he’d like to hire Winter for an entire weekend, so full experience, including cooking and the date, and whatever else he’s got.
It’s Winter’s manager who answers, deals with the order (so pricing, payment, disclaimers), and then directs Stoick to the Porn Star to give him the details of what Hiccup likes.
“So, what does your son do, sir?” Is one of the first questions, and Stoick feels confident with Winter’s interest for Hiccup, because that means he’s gonna do his job right. He’s caring and attentive.
“He’s an engineer, builds rockets for NASA, I’m very proud of him.
I’m hiring you because he just broke up with his girlfriend of seven years, came out of the closet at the same time and I’m pretty sure he’s a virgin still. He’s a good kid, but works too much.”
“Oh I totally get that, I’m sorry to hear about the breakup. So he’s a reclusive fella…? Rockets for NASA is very impressive, I’ve never met anyone from Aerospace Engineering, I’ll definitely do some research on it.” Winter replies. Stoick thinks he’s very sweet.
They talk for a little bit about first breakups, then Stoick let’s him know that yes, Hiccup is very reclusive, he’s incredibly autistic, incredibly stubborn and incredibly gifted. Has a passion for weird things like swords of very specific eras, and lost a leg in this skydiving accident when he was a teen.
“What’s his favourite food?” Winter goes on with the quiz, Stoick is more than happy to answer. Hiccup is a vegetarian and Stoick doesn’t know what his favourite dish is, but he sees his son eat an ungodly amount of vegetarian junk food.
They go over options of first dates, Stoick says that movies bore his son and that libraries are also boring to him for some reason, Hiccup has a vendetta against museums and concerts aren’t really ideal because he hates crowds and besides, he’s hard of hearing due to the same accident that took his leg and refuses to wear the hearing aids for the life of him.
Winter seems excited and lets Stoick know that he knows sign language, he’s not hard of hearing but has very bad audio processing issues. Stoick almost gets up to stim after learning that.
“Well, I’ll be straight forward Stoick, I’m also autistic and adhd, also gifted, I know the type well. Since he’s not into going out, I could simply show up at his place, clean it for him and make a list of where everything is because I bet with a work like that he hasn’t had the time to organize his things, then I can cook something for us, I’m a vegan so I’m already well acquainted with dishes that don’t take meat, and when he gets home I can do my magic. A full body massage, watching a movie, letting him vent about his job, then the deed. Does he drink?”
“No, he doesn’t. But he smokes a lot of weed, he thinks I don’t know but I do.”
“Awesome, I’ll bring the best quality he’s ever smoked, alright?”
It seems too perfect to be true. But Stoick is happy, so he makes the payment, they talk a little bit more just about Hiccup’s life story in general (Stoick likes talking about his son, can you tell?) and things are settled.