Chapter Text
~*~
The world ended ten years ago, but Joel’s ended before that.
Sarah was Joel's first and only daughter, the light of his life, she was the everything to his nothing. When Joel lost her, it broke him in so many ways turning him into nothing more than a broken shell of a man.
He was barely surviving in the new world with his little brother. Joel remembers so many sleepless nights with nightmares of his bloody hands holding the weight of his lifeless daughter. He’ll never forget the day he and Tommy were split up and Joel was kidnapped. Tommy always tried to think on the bright side and it always seemed to cost Joel.
These people with white lab coats and grins made Joel believe he was safe. They provided him with shelter, food, water, and good company. He didn’t know he was signing away his freedom to live in the prison that was hiding behind the now very familiar closed doors.
Soon months later once Joel was comfortable the warm smiles he was given were changed to evil ones. The real reason they took Joel and ditched Tommy was, that Joel was a fertile omega who they could use for experiments.
Over the years they began taking advantage of his body for experiments. At first, Joel didn’t mind it because he was a father who was mourning the tragic death of his daughter. They brainwashed him into thinking the tests would grant him the revenge he so craved. When in reality the group that took him called themselves, The Fireflies, disobeyed every ethical code and abused their power.
When Joel grew suspicious they told him there were other omegas that were just like him. And that there are some who got here recently and some who were trapped before the outbreak. For Joel month after month, these inhuman people put his body through tests that always have the risk of death. No one ever seems to care when he says he’s in pain, if anything they make it hurt even more when he complains.
Then Joel got his head out of his ass to learn the dark truth. They're making Joel an actual human incubator. Joel would get numbed up and people dressed in lab coats wouldn’t care about him as a person as they forced things inside of him to make babies without mating him. He didn’t want to go through the pregnancy since he was still haunted by his last one and the horrors that followed.
~*~
The only bonus to being a lab rat is he gets a private room. The only disturbances are nurses who come in every hour, and then the doctor who comes at the end of the day to shove more things inside of him.
He won’t tell anyone yet but he’s been feeling sick by throwing up after eating the cardboard-like breakfast they feed him. He tells himself that it’s just a side effect of the tests because someone would’ve caught it if he was finally pregnant. Even though his brain is telling him this sickness has to be a side effect of the pregnancy. His inner omega is slowly going crazy as more time passes by. Half of him is happy for another baby but the other side is dreading it.
After someone comes to collect his dinner plate he tells himself he’ll tell Tess, his favorite nurse who comes around noon. Tess always gives him another helping of food, she also hides important details from the other staff. She smells like a beta but acts like an understanding omega.
Joel can’t help but envy her for being free and for not being handcuffed to a hospital bed.
Today is Thursday, and it’s the only day all week that he’s allowed to walk around without an escort. The guards don’t fear that Joel will do anything since there’s always someone’s watchful eyes on him. On the other hand, Tess always volunteers to walk with Joel since it calms the both of them. Plus Joel is comfortable with Tess enough that he knows she won’t pressure him to do things.
“There’s talk that if you don’t show any signs of pregnancy or any side effects from the egg transfer they’ll wipe what’s left to start again.” Tess hates giving Joel bad news because he doesn’t deserve it. She wants to tell him something good, something that he deserves to hear. But all she can give him is bad news.
“Are they ever going to stop?” Joel asks. It’s been his fear that once they start doing the tests they’ll never stop. He’ll be old and wrinkled and they’ll still force him to get pregnant. He wishes they would just dump him on the side of the road they found him on.
“Not until you give them a baby.” But Tess’s here and she’s confirming his worst fears.
“And then I'll be free?” He blames the stupid increase in hormones on why he’s feeling like this. It’s just another thing he’ll have to hide when someone asks if he notices any changes.
“I’m sorry, but they might just do it again once you’re healed enough.” He can’t even fathom doing this again, he can’t even imagine it right now when it’s happening.
“One is not enough?” He’s known for a bit now that the people here are greedy, but he never thought it would be this bad. They should be glad Joel is even able to get this far, shouldn’t that be enough? Why stretch him past his limits?
“Joel, you know that I can’t tell you too much because my information is limited as well. But they believe that the babies you’ll produce will hold the key to the cure.” Joel gets flashes of when his daughter died. And how the blood wouldn’t stop gushing out of her, and the screams. He feels so trapped, nothing seems to change.
“So if this child has whatever it is they need to save the world, I'll just be forced to keep having babies?” Joel places his palm against his flat stomach, and even though he doesn’t want to hate something that’s a part of him, he does. He thinks it’s more than unfair that this clump of cells will somehow produce a cure when his dead daughter deserved it. This baby that’s inside of him will live a life free of any fear, and it will never get close to danger. While his daughter is rotting six feet under looking like something Mary Shelley wrote.
“How about we walk outside, it’s late and I know you love watching the sunset.” Joel allows Tess to guide him outside to the benches where he tries not to think about what tomorrow holds.
~*~
To Joel’s horror, he doesn't see Tess for a month after he tests negative on a pregnancy test. Some nurses said he might have had a miscarriage or worse, he was never pregnant. A few weeks later they put him under for surgery to start fresh. He’ll give it to them for their perseverance, they are very confident that Joel has what they need. He just wished it wasn’t so taxing on his body.
Now he's in the ICU healing from the surgery where they removed what was left. He’ll stay there until the head doctor announces the healing period has passed (it’s a time period the doctor made up, there is nothing medical in anyone’s actions, it’s all just unethical). Then they’ll run more tests to finally do another egg transfer, this time with three.
Joel can tell they’re getting fed up since they’re less patient and don’t even bother asking him questions. They’re also very ruff when doing blood work and giving him needles full of chemicals.
He's in a new room, even though he’s truly healed and ready to start again. Before he’s back in his room an alpha nurse comes into the room with a clipboard, she looks livid.
“Well since something went wrong with the first embryo, this will be the second attempt at the egg transfer. Am I correct?” Joel nods unsure if she’s directed the question to him or the fellow nurses.
“Yes Doctor, this is the second attempt.” A young nurse answers and Joel learns this woman has higher status than a nurse.
“Wonderful. To avoid any more failures, we’ll be changing your diet and giving you a new medication to regulate your heats. Got it?” Joel wants to speak up and comment that getting him pregnant artificially won’t have the same results as something natural. After all, he’s an omega no matter how much they treat him like a machine. He knows how important it is for him to have a mate during his heats. Waiting them out isn't healthy. He nods his head and watches the doctor give him an eye roll.
“What shall we get him started on?” A preppy nurse that Joel isn’t fooled by comes out from Joel’s right side.
“Start him on two hundred milligrams of–” Joel tunes out the medical talk not only because it’s not interesting to him, but because he doesn’t want to know what they’ll do to him next. He tries to tell himself that very soon he’ll be back in his room where he’ll get to take his walk on Thursdays. He’ll be able to talk to Tess and pretend like his body isn’t forcefully changing.
But to no avail, in his old room, he’s on close watch. The guard with a gun is now inside his room by the door. Even in the bathroom, the guard’s eyes follow Joel. Then things get serious after a couple weeks of Joel being handcuffed to the hospital bed, and nurses sticking needles in him.
Joel feels sick all the time again, the nausea keeps him awake at night and wears him out during the day. It doesn’t end there, he also gets lightheaded when he’s finally allowed to stand up. There’s also a throbbing headache that’s been bothering him for weeks now. All that has been added to a long list of things that everyone is purposely ignoring.
Once when he spoke up about the new symptoms they all told him he wasn’t strong enough to deal with the side effects. So they prevent him from getting some treatment when a normal doctor from the old world would’ve.
Another day comes and goes, and the usual crowd of annoyed doctors and staff leave. Joel’s finally alone with just his thoughts.
“I hope you got what it takes, kid. You’re my ticket out of here.” Joel talked to his belly when he was pregnant with Sarah. He and his wife loved doing it and especially loved it when Sarah would kick back in response. Even though Joel isn’t sure if he’s pregnant or not, talking to his stomach brings him comfort. “Please be everything they want, and what she couldn’t.” It seems like a whole lot of nonsense, but it brings him comfort. He doesn’t like adding pressure on this kid, but it’s his last resort.
Right now he can’t find joy in having another child, not when it all still hurts. He’s mourning Sarah every day, it overlaps another emotion. (Although the emotion of fear is pretty close.) Hopefully, one day soon he’ll smile at the thought of having another baby.
~*~
Joel learned pretty quickly that the doctors and nurses were bored by Joel’s current symptoms. They clearly want to hear other symptoms, like weight gain, increased hunger, or maybe some weird craving.
But he just feels tired, like not a normal amount, like bone tired. The doctors see the exhaustion but they never stop the tests. Right now his lower half is sore from the exam they did on his entrance. He can feel that a heat is coming and suddenly he feels like a teenager.
Remembering his teenage years, Joel thinks back on how his parents didn’t seem to care about his second gender. So when he got his first heat, he went to school thinking he was just coming down with something. He got taken advantage of and it resulted in him getting pregnant.
His parents still didn’t care but made the appointment for the abortion, and the checkups that followed.
During his first appointment, his doctor explained what heats was and got permission to get on suppressants. He enjoyed sexual relationships and never felt the pain of heats. No one ever touched him in ways he didn’t want. He could love people and give them what they wanted without having to worry about a child.
Things took a turn, when Joel was fresh out of college he fell in love with a beautiful alpha. She treated Joel more than his second gender, as a matter of fact, the words omega, alpha, or heat were never spoken in their relationship. So he stupidly got married young and went through his first heat with an alpha who loved him.
When the pregnancy was confirmed this time, Joel felt so happy and in love. There wasn’t fear or any dread surrounding this pregnancy, just joy and anticipation. Months went by and as Joel’s stomach got bigger so did his and his wife’s relationship. Joel gave birth after thirteen hours of labor to a baby girl.
As a newborn Sarah was a fussy baby but she was a total daddy’s girl. She could tolerate being with her mother but chose Joel over anyone. They raised Sarah in a happy house with so much love. Then life began to grow gray. Joel and his wife slept in separate rooms, filed for divorce, and Joel got full custody. Co-parenting was easier and they were in perfect harmony.
When Sarah was just seven her mother got cancer and unfortunately lost her battle. Then when Sarah was fourteen the end of the world happened and she died the morning after Joel’s birthday. Something that Joel never forgets about. His birthday is no longer a celebration but a day of mourning.
Since then he’s spent the limited freedom he had thinking about her. And about his little brother who he hasn’t seen since he was taken by this hell in the form of a hospital. He can’t assure that Tommy’s alive but he can’t even start to think about if he’s dead.
But now he’s alone and with his right wrist handcuffed to the hospital rail and waiting for sleep to come. He acted out once since coming here, and the guard beat him and got the doctor’s permission to handcuff him to the bed once his broken arm was healed enough.
What is there left to do?
~*~
Joel goes through many heats on his own with tears drowning his red-rimmed eyes. He’s lost count of how many unfamiliar faces come into his room wearing sinister smiles.
“Joel, this can’t go on any longer. I’ll say something–” Tess is always there to take care of him afterward. She’s beyond angry at her coworkers. How could they use an innocent human being like this?
"Tess, don’t.” Joel is so far gone, he’s no longer the guy he used to be. Tess can see it in the way his eyes are blank with no emotion.
Tess gets the idea one day to sneak into his room when another person was supposed to come in and screw him.
Tess doesn’t have to feel Joel to notice his body being drenched in sweat. They’ve put him in a hospital gown to make it easy to put the baster inside to release the contents. Tess winces like Joel as she gets closer. His cheeks are flushed red, and he’s pale.
“Please, it hurts so much. I need you .” Tess is very thankful that her beta instincts aren’t anything like an alpha’s. Because right now she’s able to breathe and remind herself that Joel needs her. She won’t dare to take advantage of him.
“I know, I’m here now. Tell me where it hurts.” Tess puts the turkey baster on the side table and she doesn’t even get that close before Joel turns to face her her. She can see the wet patch near his entrance. She doesn’t have too much experience of omega’s heats, or sex in general. She just sees how uncomfortable Joel is. He’s been crying from pain that’s only gotten worse since she’s gotten here.
A new scent in the room has Joel biting his lips in agony. He risked moving closer so his bottom half could brush against Tess’ bulge. She’s hard and Joel’s so grateful. He’s too deep into his heat that he doesn’t recognize that it’s his friend, Tess. He’s just thankful to have someone with him.
“It hurts right here,” Once again Joel’s hole drips out more slick. “please.”
“I will, okay?” Tess can’t help but get hard, and she begins to feel pain from keeping herself back. She makes up her mind that she won’t be using the turkey baster because Joel and this potential kid don’t deserve to be related to whatever alpha this sample belongs to. She’s been lied to that it’s just some guy who died so they don’t truthfully know if he has the same special abilities as Joel. She’s taking a big risk that could get not just her, but Joel into big trouble.
But then she looks down at Joel, who’s in tears with so much pain, and she knows whatever punishments follow will be worth it.
“I can’t wait all day, please .” Tess blinks back into the moment and grins, this is the person she’s learned to know all these years.
“You’re so polite, who taught you those manners?” Tess just follows her gut who tells her to keep playing this act.
Tess is gentle as she pulls Joel’s gown higher to reveal his wet but aching hole. At first, she licks her finger to stick it inside, then when slick drips down, she sticks another one in. This time she rolls the two fingers around which drives Joel crazy.
“Don’t–stop– Christ –” Tess is removing both her fingers as punishment for Joel thinking he could overstep his place.
When Tess finally decides that Joel’s had enough and it’s finally time to reward him, she gets the turkey baster ready to put it inside. But then once Joel sees it and closes his eyes, she makes the decision to pull her hardened part out to replace where the turkey baster would’ve gone. The contents inside the turkey baster are then squirted near Joel’s exposed stomach to fool both Joel and the medical staff.
She’s very proud of what she did even if no one would approve of it. Her fear that Joel will disown her plagues her later that night. She has hope that their–his baby will never know that Tess is its other parent. Joel will be left in the dark about the baby’s family tree. Since it’s better this way.
She reminds her that weeks later when Joel complains of tender nipples, nausea, and weight gain. One night Tess goes into his room. She knows that Joel tends to sleep pretty heavily, nothing could wake the omega up, not even Tess’ palm on his lower stomach.
“Don’t worry little one, I’ll protect you and your dad. I swear.” She meant that with her whole heart.
~*~
“Congratulations, you are pregnant.” Joel fakes a smile only because he’s worried the guard who swung at him last time will do it again. He’s known of the pregnancy for some time when a wave of nausea woke him up and the bitter porridge they gave him tasted good. He was just trying to stall the test because this meant they were going into phase two.
Phase two was worse than this, he would have hourly checkups and his body would become even more public than it already is. He’ll go through another pregnancy and this time the milestones won’t be so joyous. He’ll be full of dread even after the baby is born.
“Boss is asking how far along is he?” A man with all-black armor, a gun strapped on his side, and a walkie-talkie close to his mouth speaks up.
“Around three weeks.” Joel’s usual doctor looks up from his clipboard to meet the guard’s eyes. Joel clenches his jaw tighter in annoyance because this doctor isn’t like this when people aren’t around. He’s
the rudest person Joel has ever known, but right now he’s gentle and wearing a warm smile. Joel wonders if he fears the boss, or maybe he’s finally changed.
“I’ll tell boss.” When the guard leaves the doctor Joel knows all too well and comes back.
“Okay, let’s cut the bullshit, how long have you known?” His warm smile is gone and he forcefully grips Joel’s free wrist.
“For a few weeks.” Joel feels small like he’s a child getting scolded. But when Joel looks back up he momentarily remembers that he’s older than this doctor. He was probably in diapers when Joel was having thoughts of his own.
“Why didn’t you alert anyone?” But it’s because Joel’s an omega, and the doctor is an alpha. It’s something that hasn’t changed in the new world.
“Because I wasn’t sure.” Joel answers truthfully, he wasn’t sure if it was just his body getting used to the tests or if they were successful in getting him pregnant.
“Next time you keep important information like this you won’t be let off so easily. We have a more important job to do here, you get to lay in bed all day doing nothing. Do your part so we can do ours, bitch .” He slams the door shut leaving Joel’s waist down bare, and with the handcuff on his wrist, there isn’t much he can do.
Joel lays there and when a nurse finally comes in for a check-up, they help him back into a pair of pants and socks. Joel gets to lay on his side until the morning where Phase Two will begin.
“I hate to sound so desperate, but please kid, please be everything they need. Do your part too.” Joel pleads, clutching his stomach. This kid has to do what everyone here wants it to do, it just has to.
~*~
Months fly by to Joel’s surprise. He’s now pretty close to the finish line but doesn’t feel much excitement. Not only because he’s nine months pregnant but because the reality finally hits him.
It wasn't too long ago that he discovered that he was having another girl, and it wrecked the depths of his soul in all the wrong ways. Right now he’s lying on his side looking out the window.
Though he's not sure exactly where he is, something about it feels right. In his dreams, he’s still in his beloved home of Texas. And right now as he watches the sunset he rubs a hand over his stomach and feels something settle in his bones.
“Look, when you’re here you’re gonna want to go back in my belly.” Joel laughs at what he thinks is a foot kick above his navel “Because this world isn’t as great as it currently is for you. There are people here who’ll use you in so many wrong ways, and I won’t be able to protect you. I feel like I failed as your father but like my dad, your grandpop said, "Revenge and regret will drive you to an early grave and it all starts if you let them control you". Hopefully, you’ll forgive me kiddo, and forgive these bastards too.”
Later that night as Joel is woken for the third time in a row to go pee, he feels a very tight cramp squeeze his stomach. He knows what this means and starts to beg for more time, just another week to mentally prepare himself some more. But this pain isn’t going anywhere, it'll just get worse.
“Fight, baby girl, fight not just for me, but for yourself too.” Joel says to the dark room and the only person meant to hear it is his unborn daughter currently getting ready to join the broken world.
~*~
“He’s forty weeks along today, has the mucus plug broken yet?” Dr. Jackass (this is what Joel named the doctor) comes into Joel’s room without any greeting, he’s fed up with waiting. Joel guesses he was shit at this job in the old world, so he’s even worse now. No one would want a doctor who gets pissed easily and who blames their patient for everything.
“No Doctor.” A nurse straightens up and Joel fights back an eye roll.
“Well let’s do a membrane sweep to get things going. For fucks’s sake.” He curses and both the nurse and Joel flinch.
Joel remembers getting one for Sarah and hating it. His wife held his hand through it all and kept distracting him. He doubts Dr. Jackass will be as gentle as his previous doctor was. And he’s right when later that same day Dr. Jackass is rough. At a certain point, Joel tears up when Dr. Jackass is too fast drawing circles inside of him.
Soon gloves are coming off and Dr. Jackass is standing up to pat Joel’s exposed knees. Joel is on his back staring at the white popcorn ceiling.
“Alright, we should keep track of any signs of labor from now up until forty-eight hours.” Dr. Jackass addresses the nurse and then he looks at Joel “And you,” Dr. Jackass points at Joel “try not to keep secrets this time. Call for someone even if you feel even a slight cramp, or if the spotting becomes heavier. And if you lose your mucus plug.” Joel nods his throat too tight from the sob he pushed deep down.
A day later Joel goes to the bathroom and is greeted with a mixture of red, and clear liquid sliding down his tights. He oped for shorts tonight as a cause of feeling so hot all the time. And now he’s thankful or else he wouldn’t have noticed that he finally lost his mucus plug.
He showers and decides that he’ll tell somebody in the morning since it’s late and they’ll get upset if he disturbs them.
While underneath the covers Joel rubs both of his hands on his swollen stomach. His baby is kicking around in what seems like excitement. She’s excited to finally meet her father after so long, it’s gonna be nice to put a face to the voice that shakes her current home. Joel doesn’t share his daughter’s excitement, he’s terrified of what’s coming.
But for now, Joel smiles at the rough kicks his daughter is giving him. She’s so strong already and Joel knows that it’ll be one of her traits that’ll grow with her.
Deep down Joel still has hope that Dr. Jackass and his team will let him care for his daughter. Maybe they can have her in the mornings, and afternoons and Joel can just have her at night?
They can’t keep her all day, she’s a baby after all who doesn’t deserve all this. And Joel is not just her home, he’s her father, and it will ruin Joel if he loses another baby.
~*~
The pain started no more than an hour ago. It woke him up and had him gasping for air. He almost brushed it off as nothing until Tess gave him a check-up and told him he was dilated.
The cramps-contractions are every fifteen to twenty minutes. Tess confirmed that, normally, they’re not regulated, it will follow a more structured pattern later on.
He has no more than an hour before one of the doctors will come in and discover his dilation. He’ll be rushed into the proper labor and delivery room and even more wires will be attached to him. Tess will be forced out leaving no one on his side. No one to help him during the very painful contractions.
For right now he does his best to curl up into a ball on his right side. Thankfully they handcuffed his left hand making his death ear the one in the open. He doesn’t hear the door creak open and the sound of footsteps approaches him.
“I’m sorry for taking so long, how are you?” Tess comes into the room with sweat on her eyebrows and a serious expression. Joel wants to give in to the curiosity but there’s hot pain all over him again.
“Peachy, how ‘bout you?” Tess gently helps him on his back in order to check him again. She likes that he’s progressing fast because that means this will be over faster. But then that means they’re running out of time to come up with a plan.
“You’re two centimeters, is the pain the same?” Tess is back in nurse mode and Joel wonders what he could’ve done differently to avoid being in this situation. If only he was faster and not so weak, right now he’d be dead but free.
“Somehow they’re worse.” On the other hand, Joel loves that he has this wonderful gift of a baby during this time.
“Are you planning on telling anyone?” Tess snaps back into friend mode and gives Joel some well-needed comfort.
“I have to. I’m going to play it dumb and lie that I didn’t feel anything until now, and when I was showering I felt something but wasn’t sure.” Everyone here knows that this isn’t Joel’s first pregnancy, so they all assume that he knows more than the average person. But Joel is too good at his role of acting like a dumb omega who doesn’t know anything.
“I’ll do my best to stay here, but I doubt they’ll let me.” Tess hopes she can be true to her word. She’s been fighting her own battle watching Joel grow bigger with his daughter. She wishes the truth was out so she could claim Joel and share the little joy that’s in the form of a baby. But Tess isn’t going to let her instincts drown her, especially not when Joel is gripping the hospital rail in pain.
Fifteen minutes on the dot, Dr. Jackass and a nurse come in once Joel complained to the guard that he feels off. The guard rolls his eyes and sends Tess away as he radios for assistance.
“You better not be fucking around, or I swear–” Dr. Jackass comes walking in with gloves on, and a couple of nurses follow close behind him. He looks very pissed but kind of thankful that something’s changing.
“A moment ago I felt a cramp tightening around my stomach like a belt. I’m just trying to–” Dr. Jackass loves to call him stupid and that’s why he’s acting like this, so Joel’s hidden hesitance will be disgested as stupidity.
“Save it, open your legs.” Tess helped him change into loose sweatpants and remove his blood-stained underwear, right now the sweat on his brow is real. He’s scared of what Dr. Jackass will do to him, and if he was stupid and made a risk to his daughter’s health. “Well, would you look at that?”
“What is it?” Joel asks, looking down at the smirk on Dr. Jackass’ face.
“You’re dilated three centimeters, that cramp you felt was a contraction. You’re finally in labor.” Joel acts like he’s relieved but really his fear only grows, phase three is beginning, and it’s going to get uglier than this. “We’ll get you on some IV and something to speed this up. Maybe even break your water, we want this to go by quickly, so do me a favor and listen closely. Hurry up and dilate so we can get started on the tests on it.”
The “it” he’s referring to is his daughter, she’s not a thing, she’s a baby that Joel would rather kill himself before he lets Dr. Jackass’ hands on her. But there isn’t anything he can do but sit back and breathe through the next couple of contractions.
“May I please ask for one thing and I’ll shut up.” Joel is bold and riding on the waves of adrenaline.
“Fine, what?” Dr. Jackass removes his gloves and looks down at Joel for the first time with minimal hatred.
“May the handcuffs be removed, I know walking around will speed things up, is that okay?” Joel likes to give a frown that Dr. Jackass can’t help but love. It always works, a little too good sometimes.
“Sure, whatever, not like you can do anything with how fat you are.” For once Dr. Jackass seems to consider something Joel said, his normal frown is replaced with a content smile. Dr. Jackass waves towards the guard who comes and removes the handcuff. Once free Joel lays back and watches the room empty, now it’s just him and his daughter who presses against his skin.
“It’s just me and you kid, I’m sorry this is how things are. I know you’ll do great things and rise against this broken world. I won’t be able to watch, but my heart will be swollen with all my love for you. You’re so amazing and I know this even though we’ll never meet. Sweet girl, I’m so sorry.”
She presses against his palm so hard it hurts a little, Joel welcomes the pain. This pain is better than what people like Dr. Jackass will make him go through.
~*~
It turns out that even with the constant walking, Joel’s labor goes on for many hours. He’s barely at a five when his body shakes and he gives up on walking around. Tess comes when she can but he knows that the other nurses, and maybe even Dr. Jackass forbids her from comforting Joel. They’ve all said Joel doesn’t deserve it, so this pain is the price he has to pay.
When someone comes in the room and sees Joel crying with his hand tightly clutched on his stomach they stare in disgust not pity. Joel is denied any pain relief or any food. He keeps lying on his side begging for the pain to just end. Nurses come in now and then, and Dr. Jackass seems to grow more and more pissed at him. Joel lets everyone be angry with them because nothing will top his baby that’s making their last moments together so painful.
He already feels so much guilt that he’s birthing her into his world, but he feels even more guilt thinking about how she must feel his pain.
Birth is a painful thing for an omega, but no one talks about how painful it must be for the baby. They’re getting an eviction notice that they weren’t aware of. Soon she’ll join Joel here, then again she won’t be warm and cozy inside his stomach, but cold and unsafe.
“I know, I hate this too, sweetheart.” Joel rubs again at his stomach trying once more to calm her down, her constant moving isn’t making the pain any better. Dr. Jackass comes back in with a bigger frown, he’s passed pissed, he’s angry, and puts all the blame on Joel like he could control any of this.
“Let’s fucking see if you’re not stubborn anymore.” He doesn’t ask Joel to open his legs or warn him that he’s lowering Joel’s sweatpants. He checks Joel and purposefully pushes hard. “Still at five, what is going to change this? Your water hasn’t broken and you’re too lazy to walk around. You’re making my job harder than it already is. Do I have to resort to plan B?” He asks which is something new, normally he just barks orders and doesn’t wait for a response.
“I’m sorry.” That is all Joel can say because anything else will be the wrong answer and even though he’s protected by being pregnant it doesn’t stop Dr. Jackass from getting creative.
“Sorry’s not good enough, time for plan B.” Joel is familiar with his short temper and what normally follows when he gets fed up.
Joel has known for a while that Dr. Jackass was the alpha who got him pregnant, and now with his rough fingers tightly gripping Joel’s hips, Joel’s fears are confirmed. Dr. Jackass has been taking advantage of him for a while now, after the first time, he’s claimed that having sex is healthy and would help. And now he claims that having sex during active labor will speed things up.
“Please–” Suddenly a contraction hits and Joel has to bite back from moaning from that pain and Dr. Jackass pushing harder inside of him.
“I’m almost finished, God you're so tight from the contraction. Be a good omega and let me keep going.” Dr. Jackass is close to finishing but enjoys to edge himself because it makes the both of them so miserable.
More tears spring from his eyes, Joel wants everything to just end, he wants to open his eyes and be back in time. When snow-covered days were as unpredictable as getting into another fight with his wife. Strangely in his moment Joel misses yelling at her and having to comfort Sarah after. But when he opens his eyes he’s met with more tears clouding his vision as an alpha is taking advantage of him. He’s a teenager again. One who’s back in a dark closet on his hands and knees feeling bruises form on his hips.
“Doesn’t that feel better?” Finally, Dr. Jackass is removing his parts from inside Joel and wiping the sticky residue off his tip with the end of Joel’s shirt. “Tell me that it feels better.” He seeks validation that Joel is forced to give but truly doesn’t want to. Joel could laugh about how needy Dr. Jackass is if he didn’t feel hard bruises forming.
“Yes, it did, I feel so much better. Thank you–” Soon a loud popping sound and clear liquid covered his already exposed legs. He curls into himself as another contraction rips into him.
“See, it helped! Now your water is broken and this will be over soon. You’re welcome.” He leaves, and Joel is left with a mixture of clear and milky liquid covering his inner thighs and the mattress underneath him. He cries for so many reasons, everything hurts so much that he doesn’t even see Tess who comes in.
“Joel, oh my God, what happened.” Tess’ scent is packed with so much discomfort and anger, she’s upset and Joel thinks it’s because of him. He really doesn’t want to lose someone else, but it’s not like he has anyone else left. Joel doesn’t have to answer, Tess can smell Dr. Jackass’ scent all over Joel. “I’m going to find him and kill him, how fucking dare he?” Joel appears too unfazed in Tess's opinion.
“Tess–it’s okay.” Joel lies with his bloodshot eyes looking at her, he’s unfazed by Dr. Jackass, all he can think about is his damp legs. “Can you please help me shower, my water broke.”
Tess listens and helps Joel to his feet, while walking across the room Joel whimpers from both the pain of labor and what Dr. Jackass did to him.
“I got you, sit here and I’ll get the bath ready.” Joel sits on the closed toilet bowl letting tears drip down his face. “Do you need help undressing yourself?” Joel’s sweatpants pool at his ankles, and his t-shirt clings to his sweaty body. Joel nods and Tess slowly works her way to remove the spoiled clothing. Tess’ anger only grows watching Joel bites back moans as he lowers himself into the hot water.
“Thank you, this feels nice.” Joel is delighted to be in the hot water, it soothes his back, and all his sore muscles. She bites her inner cheek to avoid saying something that won’t ease Joel’s emotions but will let her speak her mind. She hates every second of this. With permission, Tess laters soap all over Joel, and soon rises it off. She even goes the extra mile and washes his sweaty hair. All throughout it, Tess is gentle and lets Joel take a break when peaks of contractions hit.
“Do you want to stay here for a bit longer? We can do whatever you want.” Tess presents Joel with a choice, something he doesn’t get a lot of. Decisions are made for him and he could never do anything but nod, so now he just looks at Tess waiting for her to get fed up and make it for him. But to his surprise, Tess is patient and waits for his answer.
“Can I get out? I want to try and take a nap before things pick up.” He knows in reality he won’t sleep too much, but it’ll be nice to enjoy having clean clothes and lay down.
“Of course.” Tess is considerate and looks up once Joel is standing with a towel wrapped around his body. Tess takes one glance and sees scars, some faded and some fresh as the daylight outside. She isn’t easily brought to tears, but that mental image of Joel being covered in scars and bruises burns inside her mind.
Once Joel is dried and in a new set of clothing, Tess helps him back into bed, where dry sheets and a fresh mattress lay. As soon as he’s as comfortable as he can get, Tess hovers over wanting to say something.
“Joel–you don’t have to, but I’m here if you want to talk about anything. I get that this is all hard , but I’ll do whatever I can to help. Okay?” Joel actually considers opening up and telling Tess the dark thoughts that inhabit his mind, but he doesn’t. She isn’t upset, if anything she gives him an understanding look. “I’ll come back later. Let me know when you want to take on that offer.”
She shuts the door once Joel gives her a small smile. Being alone again is something he welcomes now, he needs to be alone with his thoughts for a little bit. He gives sleep another try and is successful, he dozes off for a couple of hours but wakes up to pant through stronger contractions.
He dreams about being back home and sitting in the dining room feeding two chubby babies in highchairs. One with light blond hair and one with dark brown hair in pigtails. They give Joel gummy smiles as they wait for him to feed them another spoonful of yellow mush.
Before he could tell who it was, a faintly familiar woman’s voice calls out his name and the two babies giggle. He wakes up not too long after with tears wishing his reality was just a nightmare.
~*~
“Joel, do you remember going through transition during your first delivery?” Tess comes into his room again many hours later. Joel is leaning against the wall in a squat taking deep breaths. When he’s back in bed he answers her question.
“Not really, I got an epidural pretty early on.” Joel replies, he just wishes he could have that same beautiful sensation of being numb from the agony right now.
“Okay so the transition phase will hit around seven centimeters, it’s just when labor gets to the peak. Contractions are longer and there’s shorter break time in between–” Joel cuts her off and one could blame it on being irritable from hormones or contractions. Tess just grins, not feeling offended by him.
“Tess I appreciate you telling me this, but unless it has a point, you’re kind of running my mojo.”
“Alright, so transition is normally when your emotions will get stronger and even harder to control. I’m going to be by your side from now on. I spoke to the person who’s running this and got permission. It’s really important to have someone by your side during this phase.” Tess has a strong grin that is hidden with so much sadness, in many ways she’s going to become a parent to someone who won’t know about it.
~*~
Another couple hours later and when Dr. Jackass and his rough fingers check him they reveal that he’s seven centimeters and the contractions come every five minutes on the dot. He may be unhandcuffed but there’s a guard with his hand on the top of his gun watching him moan around the room.
Ever since his water broke, Tess got permission to stay by his side. She helps ground him, she also refills his cup of water and the limited ice chips he’s allowed to have.
The guard never takes his eyes off of him, and normally Tess’s body blocks him out of his peripheral vision. But he’s alone right now since a rude nurse, who has a higher status than Tess, forced her to take care of patients while she was on a smoke break. He wants to take another hot bath but that would require speaking up and risking the guard to see him even more vulnerable.
(Joel briefly thinks about how right Tess was about his emotions being increased and impossible to control.)
“ Good lord .” Joel’s lower back and stomach muscles tense up at the start of another contraction. All he wants to do is lay in the hospital bed and curl into a ball. Earlier when he laid down a nurse came in to shame him for doing nothing but being lazy. He’s got exhausted so early and he knows that the pain is only going to get worse.
In fact, things have only gotten worse. He’s like a waterfall, drowning in salty tears.
Any attempt left to soothe the baby dancing around him at the start and ending of each contraction ended hours ago. She’s moving like crazy and it’s a small comfort. He knows this will be the last time he has her so close. Dr. Jackass was very clear when telling him they were using him until he gives birth. So they’ll take his baby for tests, and Joel will never know her.
He just hopes that they’re gentle with him unlike they are with him. He hopes they’ll leave him alone even if his kid holds the cure or not.
He already has a name picked out, and when he closes his eyes he dreams of a little baby with rosy cheeks and brown hair. Her face will be covered in freckles, and she’ll be unstoppable. She’ll crush the world she’s been born into, and push past her unusual circumstances. Joel feels pride imagining her, it almost makes him forget that things aren’t as perfect as he wishes.
The clock is ticking and he’s run out of plans. He’s gonna die at thirty years old, and they’ll take his baby away just like they did with his first one. It’s tragic to be a father with no kids, to have to witness losing someone so special to you two times.
Joel doesn’t want to live in a world where he can’t be with his children.
His stomach twists again and all he can do is cry out and beg for the pain to finish. Five minutes in between contractions isn’t enough time to recover. A snippy nurse came in and rolled her eyes when Joel groaned at the start of another contraction.
“Soon sweetheart, soon just be patient for me.”
~*~
Joel can’t recall when it happened, but he can recall how it feels. The urge to push earlier is now more than a suggestion, it’s something that has to do. When his stomach tightens up Joel takes a deep breath and gives a small push. When he’s proven right, Joel yells out for some assistance. Tess has stepped out for the moment and Joel wishes she was back by his side.
After Joel cries out, the room is filled with a sea of blue scrubs. Dr. Jackass is wearing his usual white lab coat and a button-up completed with a tie. He polishes up nicely when he wants to. A nurse Joel doesn’t recognize pushes his socked feet into the stirrups and spreads a tin sheet over his knees. He notices now that he’s been stripped down and is wearing nothing but a t-shirt and his socks.
“Put the handcuffs back on so he doesn’t try anything.” Dr. Jackass says no more after a second when he walks in, the guard steps in and puts the cold metal back on his wrist. Dr. Jackass talks to people around Joel, while he breathes through a new contraction. The doctor doesn’t wait for Joel to finish breathing before he shoves his fingers inside Joel. Tess comes back into the room right as Dr. Jackass changes into a new pair of gloves.
“I’m sorry I’m late, are you okay?” Tess whispers while holding Joel’s hand that isn’t in handcuffs, his other one is still tied to the bed railing. The guard watches through the glass of the door with another hand on the top of his gun.
“Ready to get this over with–” Joel is interrupted by Dr. Jackass clearing his throat.
“Well, it’s about time, you’re fully dilated! Let’s get this show on the road.” Dr. Jackass pushes cold gloved hands near Joel’s open entrance. “Push on the next contraction.”
No more than a second later Joel feels another contraction and instead of breathing through it, he pins his chin to his chest and bares down. It feels good to finally do something other than breathing. But this hurts more than anything he’s felt, but this means he’s one step closer to being done. His baby will be born and it’s gonna be all worth it.
It’s still very painful to push as it was to deal with contractions, but after the twenty-minute mark, Joel doesn’t feel much pain. It’s like he’s pushing deeper inside of himself. He can still feel the baby’s head pushing out of him, but it doesn’t hurt. Joel wonders if it’s the adrenaline or if his mind is helping his body ignore the pain since it’s almost over.
“The head is out, for the shoulders I want you to stop and hold from pushing. Just pant.” Joel listens to Dr. Jackass’ somehow good advice and focuses on how it feels like half of his daughter is hanging out from him. He fears that she’s going to fall out and no one will be able to catch her. The pain comes back this time it’s the familiar burning sensation that he felt while giving birth to Sarah.
Earlier when he was crowning he felt the 'ring of fire' which still burns just as bad as the first time. Along with all the pain, Joel feels a somewhat equal emotion. He feels joy that it’s almost over but he also feels fear for what’s coming.
The pain leaves him once again for a moment, it’s replaced by a high-pitched wailing. She’s here and for no more than a second Joel sees her blood-covered body. She’s big and he’s shocked that he held all of her inside of him.
“Ellie.” But his joy is short-lived once the gloved hands holding her walks away. His heart is walking away and he’s handcuffed to the bed. Tess is by his side comforting him in all the ways he can. He can still hear her now muffled wails, her wonderful scent is fading away. He’s lost her before he even had her.
Joel never said a word when they told him their plans. He made no fight during the last twenty-six hours of consistent pain. He obeyed when Dr. Jackass shoved parts inside of Joel that should’ve been reserved for someone who deserved it. He kept his mouth shut through it all, he at least deserves to hold his baby. Just because she’s a science experiment like him doesn’t hide the fact that she’s half his. The blood running through her veins came from Joel. Her DNA is a mirrored image of Joel’s. He’s the one who’s losing blood from pushing what seems like a nine-pound baby.
“Please let me hold her, please, and then I'll stop.” The nurse doesn’t look back not once, and Dr. Jackass between his legs instructs him to push out the afterbirth. He doesn’t want to, he wants his baby. He starts to physically resist and kicks Dr. Jackass in the chin and a nurse with his other leg. He’s kicking and screaming. “Goddamn it, let me hold my baby, you bastards!”
“Shut the fuck up, take care of him!” Dr. Jackass looks over at the guard standing eager to inflict pain on Joel. Tess is held back by some nurses since she looks ready to defend Joel. Soon the guard comes up and pulls and extends his baton to hit Joel to prevent him from doing anything else. He’s blinded and doesn’t catch the way Dr. Jackass smirks and Tess growls.
“Joel, I’ll go with her–” Tess yells as she’s dragged away from his side. She gets a good and long look at the guard and Dr. Jackass. Joel pushes the afterbirth in hysterical tears. Soon after he’s stitched up and the room slowly becomes empty. His legs are still in stirrups and his IV hasn’t been refilled.
He cries feeling pain all over his body, the quiet room gets on his nerves but there isn’t anything he can do but lay back and wait for this all to end.
“Are you here to kill me?” Not too long after, someone steps in, Joel doesn’t know this person and for a quick moment, he wonders if he’s going to die. He can make out the handgun sitting on the waistband of this woman's kakis, but she doesn’t reach for it.
He wishes she’d end his misery because he has nothing to live for. The woman shakes her head putting both her hands on her hips. But Joel doesn’t see her warm smile, all he sees is his feet still in stirrups. Joel doesn’t bother to turn his neck to fully hear what she said. And he’s thankful that his right ear is the one facing the door.
“You may not feel like it right now, but you did a great thing. You might have just saved the world.” Her voice almost shakes from what Joel assumes is fear, which is the only emotion he himself is feeling. So unfortunately he turns to face her. The room is fairly dark but he makes out the woman’s face. She actually looks terrified looking at him like she hasn’t yet seen Joel who’s a freak science experiment.
“Whoever you are, can you promise me one thing? If you’re not here to kill me, just keep Ellie safe. Don’t treat her like everyone else has been treating me.” When Joel finally looks at her, she notices the black eye starting to form, and his lip is cut, she seems to grow stiff knowing that not too long after he’s giving birth someone has taken advantage of him. But they don’t look too new, he must have been beaten before he gave birth. Judging by the way he’s unfazed confirms her theory that he’s been through this before.
“Give me the name of who did that,” She points to his eye that’s now swollen making it hard to see clearly (and the tears don’t help) “and I can promise you a lot more than what you’re asking for.” She knows that the staff is strict plus she’s been pretty lenient on the rules, but any violence towards Joel isn’t tolerated. She’s made that clear many times, but it seems like she needs to have a talk.
“It’s not important, a little reprimanding or firing him won’t change him. He’ll just move on to his next victim. So promise me that my daughter will be safe and free of any harm.” Joel doesn’t know where he gains his confidence but he really hopes this woman doesn’t take it the wrong way and hurt him like everyone else. He didn’t even get to hold Ellie, didn’t get to feel her skin against his, he’s a father again but doesn’t feel like it. Where’s his reward?
“She– Ellie is going to make history, she deserves nothing more than the best.” She speaks with nothing but honesty. This little girl will help thrive this project, and move them steps forward.
“And what about me? Are you planning on finally dumping me on the streets now that I gave you her?” She knows that Joel deserves to know that, but it’s also very complicated. She would love to give freedom but if just one baby gave them so much, then this isn’t just a one-and-done situation. She thinks
about what more babies will do. She then thinks for a couple of seconds and finally steps more into the darkness of the room. The only light is the one shining on Joel’s still-exposed ends. At least they stitched him up, but she noticed blood all over his lower half.
“I know this doesn’t seem humane to you, but if this works we’ll want to do more than one baby, you’ll be a part of history too. Things like that shouldn't happen anymore. So I promise to take care of her, just do your part too.” Joel hopes she’s right, maybe this is the end of the unfair treatment he’s been getting or maybe it’s a start. Joel looks away, not saying anything more, because it’s not like he has a choice, so she leaves.
Tess doesn’t come back, and Joel stays in the blood-soaked bed with nothing but pain and a broken heart.
~*~
An hour after a nurse comes in to force him into a wheelchair to go back to his room. She doesn’t help him get up or down, nor ask any questions. His inner thighs are covered in his dried blood, and the sweat covering him causes his hospital gown to cling to his chest.
“How is she?” Joel whispers he’s seen this nurse often and she’s always been cold to him. But now he noticed her gaze had softened. Joel hopes she can tell him something, anything even if it's she’s fine . Anything is better than silence.
“She’s asleep, they’ll start doing tests tomorrow.” She doesn’t look up, her blond bangs shielding her eyes from Joel’s glare.
“Thank you.” Joel sighs out once he’s lying on his side, no handcuffs tonight. They’ve seen how defenseless he’s now. But the same armed guard hangs outside his door.
Tess ends up doing another check-up, she helps him into the shower. She’s the only one he would’ve allowed to see him like this. He’s a grown adult and he knows he seems like an overgrown baby.
“I saw her, she’s so beautiful Joel. All ten toes and fingers, weighing a whole nine pounds and four ounces. She’s okay Joel, and so are you.” He nods because what else is there to be said? He doesn’t feel okay but right now all he can do is sit and plead for someone to bring her back.
“I need to see her, please.” The next morning when Dr. Jackass comes in and Joel begs again. All night he was crying while trying to remember what she looked like, and the way she cried. He had a nightmare that he had her in his arms but she slipped out of his fingers. It doesn’t feel too off from his reality.
“You’re not well, you can barely walk. And if you see her once you’ll want to keep seeing her. We’re starting with the tests, you’ll see her if we narrow down the test results.” Dr. Jackass is his normal amount of anger.
“Please just once, I don't even have to hold her. I’ll do anything.” It makes Joel think he imagined that woman last night who made him believe things would change.
“No is no. Keep this up and you’ll never get to see her .” Dr. Jackass who really lives up to his name isn’t true to his word, Joel heals and gets better, but he never gets to see Ellie. She grows up a floor above him having no clue what her father looks like. And Joel obeys the orders he’s given in fear that they’ll do something to Ellie.
Everything he does from this moment on is for his children.
~*~