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Top 12 Finalists
From the beginning it was apparent the producers hadn’t intended for Daehyun to to reach the Top 12. It probably started when he developed a minor throat infection during Hollywood week, and as such, was forced to wear a mask as to not contaminate the other contestants. The most damning thing of all though, was being ordered to keep completely silent when not singing for the sake of his voice. It went completely against his nature, as well as against the editor’s interests.
His screentime had been even less than one of the older contestants, Jongwoon Kim. Who despite possessing a commendable set of pipes, didn’t have the “X-Factor” the judges were looking for and was promptly dropped from the Top 24. It was unfortunate since Jongwoon had been in Daehyun’s group during Hollywood, and even bought him Taco Bell during practice. It was difficult to say goodbye to someone who had presented you with the greatest gift of all (food), and Daehyun wasn’t looking forward to it.
He figured the judges had let him into the top 24 because 1) Paula had developed a weird sort of soft spot for him, 2) in Simon’s words; “I’m not in love with you and I don’t know why -- but you are a very very good singer”. From the lilt of Simon’s voice it was apparent that he didn’t expect Daehyun to make the top 12, and most probably just let him through because Daehyun had one of the best voices the show had heard. And as Daehyun stumbled away from the judges, heart beating loudly in his ears, he could hear an amused “at least then it won’t be my fault if he doesn’t get through the competition,” followed by a flailed protest most probably from Paula. That was entirely discouraging, but what was more so was when Jongwoon stood waiting outside asking if he’d made it. Three beats of silence was enough of an answer it seemed, and Jongwoon nodded and kind of half patted Daehyun on the shoulder before leaving for the hotel to pack his bags.
To what Daehyun presumed was probably Simon’s dismay, despite his minimal exposure, America kind of seemed to like him. Daehyun couldn’t even pretend not to see Simon’s eyebrows arch up when Seacrest announced Daehyun as one of the top five males with a safe and solid place in the Top 12 of American Idol.
As the cameras stopped rolling and Seacrest ended the week’s broadcast (“Seacrest, out!” and everyone internally cringed), Daehyun felt someone poke his sides and turned to find a young boy around his age wearing an offensively coloured yellow beanie. Youngjae Yoo. He was one of the wildcard contestants that had made it through. Daehyun had heard him sing before and he had a solid voice, but him making it as far as he did seem to be a coin toss of a chance. As far as Daehyun could remember, Youngjae was the only one of his group that had survived Hollywood week, Jaebum and Jinyoung both having been eliminated earlier on in Vegas.
“You’re Daehyun right?” Youngjae asked.
Daehyun wondered whether this conversation was worth using his voice, so he simply nodded politely.
“Do you want to be roommates when we get to the mansion?” Youngjae asked, rubbing the back of his neck. “All of your friends were eliminated too right?”
Daehyun was only a tad bit offended at how presumptuous that was. He quickly scanned the remaining finalists and then became a tad bit depressed at how true that was too.
“Um yeah,” Daehyun answered, “sure.”
Youngjae smiled, “Cool! Uh... we’ll work out arrangements once we actually get there?”
Daehyun nodded amicably, though he really wanted a room for himself. And considering how big the Mansion was rumoured to be, he couldn’t understand why that wasn’t a possibility. Hopefully Youngjae would be eliminated sooner rather than later.
Top 11 Results Night
“Youngjae... you’re safe. Luna, I’m sorry, but you are not going through to the next round.”
Youngjae hugged Luna before returning back to the seats as a recipient of half-hearted hugs and congratulations. Daehyun reached for Youngjae’s hand, clammy and sweaty, and met his eyes for a fleeting moment before Youngjae took a seat next to G.O.
Luna’s journey video began playing overhead, pre-recorded memories and highlights, cursory joy. Daehyun’s eyes flickered from the large screen down to Youngjae who was very determinedly staring down at the stage, watching the montage through it’s reflection.
During Luna’s farewell song, as she belt out her glorious high note, Youngjae’s shoulders audibly tightened. There was a heavy universal consensus inundating the studio. It was apparent on the stony look on Simon’s face, the stifling silence of the audience, the careful words from the remaining ten contestants during the see-off dinner. Luna was the better singer, and everyone knew it.
When Youngjae flopped down on his bed later that night, Daehyun felt like it was moral imperative to congratulate him.
“You don’t mean that,” Youngjae murmured into his pillow.
Daehyun sat up from his parallel bed. “Of course I do. Congratulations.”
Youngjae peered at Daehyun from beneath his bangs, eyes glinting with something knowing and sad. “You don’t think much of me do you?” he accused, arching an eyebrow and challenging Daehyun to state otherwise.
Daehyun didn’t answer, and instead sucked in his cheeks and buried himself underneath the blankets. The sound of his own blood rushing and the feeling of Youngjae carefully regarding him causing goosebumps to erupt along his spine.
“Tell you what, since we’re both in for the tour, if you put up with me until I’m eliminated, I promise I won’t bunk anywhere near you later,” Youngjae said, pulling his own blankets over his head. Daehyun waited until Youngjae’s shallow breathing became rhythmic and steady before letting out his breath.
It was oddly tense at breakfast that morning, something that didn’t go unnoticed by the rest of the contestants who were treading around Youngjae and Daehyun like they were timed bombs.
“Looks like someone woke up at the wrong side of the bed this morning,” Jonghyun grinned, sliding a broken sunny side egg onto Daehyun’s plate. Daehyun grimaced and Jonghyun laughed nervously.
“Why is my egg-white green,” Jieun asked, poking the foreign substance.
Youngjae pushed his own egg away. “I’m not hungry,” he muttered feebly. “I’m going to the studio early, does anyone want to come with?”
“Sure,” Jonghyun answered, “just give me a minute will you?”
Daehyun looked up at Youngjae innocently, maintaining eye contact proving to be more difficult than he’d predicted. “Is there room in the car for one more?”
Youngjae gripped the doorway and gave Daehyun a circumspect look, one that was mostly uncalled for in Daehyun’s opinion. Nothing had happened last night except for Youngjae making grand assumptions and -- okay, so maybe Daehyun didn’t think of Youngjae greatly, but it was hardly anything personal. Youngjae had no right standing there in his slacks and hoodie and staring Daehyun down like he was doing now.
“Don’t look so tragic, man,” Daehyun said, spooning some egg into his mouth, the yolk suddenly making him feel nauseous. “I’m just asking because I think Taeyeon mentioned wanting to catch some early practice too.”
Youngjae nodded. “Right. Sorry for presuming you were actually going to take extra initiative.”
Ouch. Daehyun dropped his fork onto the table, causing it to clatter abruptly on the blue glass. “You know--”
“Alright, boys,” Jonghyun appeared, pulling a coat on. He grabbed Youngjae by the shoulders and steered him out of the door. “Let’s save our voices for the actual competition, yeah?” He gave Daehyun a warning glare from over his shoulder.
Daehyun stabbed his egg.
Top 8 Performance Night
By some way of luck, Youngjae had managed to stay out of the bottom three for the next two weeks. Him and Daehyun rarely spoke despite being roommates, except occasionally Daehyun’s complete ineptitude when it came to products would show itself, and he’d have Youngjae help style his hair before they left for the studio. Daehyun sat in front of the mirror and watched as Youngjae’s hands worked their way through his scalp, carefully tracing over clumps of hair and slicking down the loose strands. It was a bit ridiculous that they had trouble speaking to each other in full sentences, yet they were both perfectly apt with Youngjae massaging Daehyun’s head.
“I don’t think I’ve heard that song before,” Daehyun said once they were at the studio. They were the only two in the Coca Cola waiting room and the constant niggling that was at the back of his mind whenever Youngjae was near him -- all the time -- was becoming a nuisance.
Youngjae slid his headphones down to his neck. “Sorry?”
“It doesn’t sound like it’s from the 60s,” Daehyun attested. “You should stick to the theme.”
Youngjae bit his lip, and moved his laptop away from Daehyun’s curious eyes. “It is from the 60s. I just mixed it up a little.” He shrugged. “What are you singing?”
“Georgia On My Mind,” Daehyun answered, still trying to lean over Youngjae and take a look at the laptop. Youngjae wasn’t impressed by this and pushed Daehyun back roughly.
“Not for your eyes, thanks,” he said. “This is my ace.”
Daehyun reciprocated by shoving him. “That’s unfair, I told you mine!”
Youngjae slapped his hand away. “What difference does it make if I know? What can I do?”
“Exactly. What difference does it make if I know what your fucking ‘ace’ is?”
Peacemaking wasn’t Daehyun’s forte, and they ended up kicking and punching each other on the couch. Youngjae was a cheap fighter and bit Daehyun’s hand, likewise Daehyun was a girly fighter and slapped Youngjae’s cheek. It only ended when Ryan Seacrest entered the waiting room and pulled them off each other and onto opposite sides of the couch.
“We go live in ten seconds,” he seethed through clenched teeth. “Behave-- and welcome back to American Idol! Where two of our contestants are waiting nervously for their turn to be...”
Daehyun tuned Seacrest’s babble out and turned towards Youngjae who was rolling his eyes behind his hand. They met each other’s gazes for a second and--
Youngjae smiled, before turning back towards the camera. It may or may not have made Daehyun’s week.
During the Top 8 performances show, Daehyun had sung his rendition of ‘Georgia On My Mind’, had gotten a round of thunderous applause, and both Paula and Randy had stood up on their seats for a standing ovation.
“Daehyun dog!” Randy spoke, an impressed grin plastered on his face. “That was off the hook. You’re voice is solid gold, man. You could sing a phonebook and make it sound like the most poetic thing on the planet.”
“Daehyun, that was lovely. Your voice is gorgeous, and that entire performance was great,” Paula praised in her typical drunken drawl. “You already know I love you, and you already know I think you’re perfect.”
Simon, as per usual, refused to go with popular opinion and looked Daehyun up and down indifferently. “The vocals were good. But honestly, if I wanted good vocals I could just go and listen to Ray Charles instead. Why bother covering it Daehyun?” he said, smirking a little at the resounding boos from the audience.
Daehyun felt his lead in his gut.
“Now, now, now” Ryan interrupted, moving next to Daehyun on the stage. Great, now Seacrest was getting involved, how humiliating. “You’ve basically spent the last four weeks almost trying not to praise Daehyun. If you dislike him that much then can we ever expect anything great?”
Daehyun could feel a bright pink broiling the tips of his ears now that Simon’s obvious disinterest for him was turning into MC-ing fodder for Ryan Seacrest.
“Of course I like him, or else I wouldn’t have let him through!” Simon refuted. “Geez. Look, all I’m saying Daehyun is, I just want a performance from you where I don’t hear the original at the back of my head.”
Daehyun swallowed, “Yeah, okay. I understand. You know, I try to sing to the best of my ability and sometimes it doesn’t work out too well.” He nudged Seacrest’s leg from behind, letting him know that he’d really just like to wallow in self-pity in the waiting room, a quiet signal to cut past all the post-performance chit chat.
“And that was Daehyun Jung everyone! To vote for him text the number at the bottom of the screen!” Ryan announced as Daehyun forced a tight smile towards the camera lens, letting his facade of positivity sink into the hearts of America. At least Seacrest was good for something.
Youngjae was the last performance of the night, his ‘ace’ turning out to be a ballad version of Led Zeppelin’s ‘Whole Lotta Love’. It was audibly pitchy during the middle of the performance, and Daehyun was almost sure Youngjae made up some of the lyrics near the bridge. Still, Randy and Paula were nice (and tipsy) enough to at least lavish Youngjae with praises about his artistry. Simon though, Daehyun was sure would be a lot less forgiving.
Simon sighed heavily, “Well, let’s get it over with Youngjae. It was very pitchy during certain parts, and who were you trying to fool with those lyrics--”
“At least he didn’t show it,” Paula interrupted, turning towards Youngjae and giving him one of her staple smiles, strained from an excess of botox treatment.
“I think you’re much too easy to please Paula. I don’t see why he deserves praise for trying to reign in a screw up that would be so easy to avoid,” Simon refuted. Daehyun could see Youngjae fumbling with the microphone in his hands, beads of sweat condensing around his neck.
“What you do deserve praise for Youngjae,” Simon continued. “Is your interpretation. I’m not sure if I’m in love with it but I do commend you for that.”
Youngjae sighed with relief, smacking his lips and rushing into the microphone, “Thank you.”
Simon smiled and Daehyun felt a twang of jealousy at the back of his mind. Youngjae gets praise for slowing down the tempo of a song, and Daehyun gets shade for singing pitch-perfectly?
“You know Youngjae,” Simon began, “I think you’re very underrated in this competition.”
No amount of pre prepared modesty could hide the glow of Youngjae’s smile after that comment. The way his eyes creased into two distinct crescent shaped moons, outlined by his thick under-eye fat. And how defined the apples of his cheeks were when his lips curved up just enough.
Daehyun didn’t bother to listen to Seacrest’s banter with Youngjae, and instead stormed away towards the desolate part of the studio where the audience’s cheering was all but muffled. Not exactly sure what he was angry at himself for.
Top 8 Results Night
“Youngjae... G.O,” Seacrest spoke, staring at the card dramatically.
Daehyun had his hands curled up and buried deep within his pockets to stop their fidgeting. He could see his mother blow a kiss at him from the front of the audience. She was always in his full view during the results shows, yet during his performances when he needed assurance, no matter how many times he skimmed the crowd he couldn’t find her aging, tan face anywhere.
Daehyun just really needed this to be over with so he could return to his seat and focus on better things.
“You two are safe! Daehyun, I’m sorry but you’re in the bottom three.”
The next thing Daehyun knew G.O had pulled him into a hug and Youngjae was ogling him disbelievingly. He blinked a few times, not really getting why he wasn’t allowed to return back to the seats as well.
“Daehyun, please join Yoseob and Jonghyun in the bottom 3.”
Youngjae hesitated before putting a hand on Daehyun’s shoulder, his eyes flickering towards the seats and the spot on stage where Yoseob and Jonghyun stood, before finally giving Daehyun a promising squeeze.
Daehyun could see his mother hold her breath from the front of the crowd.
Top 7 Week
“You know, you’re going to have to compensate for any damages to the car,” Youngjae said, sliding next to Daehyun inside the cosy Ford. Daehyun turned to glare at him, and then flicked on the windshield wipers and chose to glare at them instead.
Youngjae, Daehyun deduced, was an idiot. After the third time Daehyun had almost driven the Ford off the road and into some dense shrubbery, even the production crew had gotten the hint and ceased their incessant yelling and instead allowed Daehyun to brood inside the vehicle. Youngjae however, thought that their newfound mutual tolerance was an invitation to pry
“You’re pretty terrible at driving. Do you want to swap?” offered Youngjae, lifting up a heavy sponge. Daehyun released a small choking sound and thrust Youngjae’s hand out the window, letting the soapy mix drip onto the dirt path, only just missing the electronic accessories. Despite his facade of striking apathy/hate, Daehyun did not want to pay for any expenses.
“You know, you’re pretty terrible at common sense. I think you should probably swap your existence with that of a sloth. They don’t really do much,” Daehyun quipped.
“Sorry,” Youngjae said sheepishly. He dropped the sponge onto the ground and returned to sitting beside Daehyun in silence, occasionally using his non-soapy hand to twiddle with the window controls. Daehyun could hear the shrieks and laughter bubbling over from the other side of the shooting site, the other contestants lip synching to their cover of Car Wash made especially for the commercial. Daehyun had been excused from the frivolous aspect of washing the car because, according to the director, he was really good looking and would be better used driving the car along an empty road.
“Is this because of yesterday?” Youngjae finally spoke, his eyes fixed on the windshield wipers.
Daehyun shrugged.
“I’m sure you being in the bottom 3 was a one off. Maybe your fans thought you’d be safe and decided to pity vote the rest of us through,” Youngjae half-joked. “Like, I’ve been in the bottom three twice before, it’s not like quicksand where you’re stuck or anything. You’re the competition frontrunner, it was just a blip.”
Daehyun turned off the windshield wipers, the rhythmic sound of them rubbing against the glass now less soothing and more irritating since they were suddenly in synch with Youngjae’s obnoxious babble.
“You don’t think I don’t know that?” Daehyun challenged. He waved his hand and gestured towards the luxurious inside of the Ford. “I am the one driving the car.”
Youngjae pursed his lips and nodded thoughtfully. “Then, was it Simon’s comments because I--”
“Let’s not talk about anything to do with that round,” Daehyun cut him off. “It happened, it was fun. You must be proud of yourself. Simon didn’t like me. He’ll never like me. Life moves on. But at least you did well.” Daehyun thought back to Youngjae’s proud moment on stage, smiling so it reached his eyes. Glowing under the stage lights and audience applause.
Youngjae blinked. “So it is because of Simon?”
“I... don’t know,” Daehyun answered honestly.
Youngjae cleared his throat. “Have you ever considered like... listening to Simon? Maybe he has a point somewhere. I’m just playing devil’s advocate!” Youngjae defended when Daehyun glowered at him.
“Yeah, okay sure,” Daehyun scoffed. “Also, yes I have considered it. I just don’t know what he wants me to consider.”
“Hmm.” Youngae tapped a finger against his chin. “I... kind of do...”
“Then? What is it? Help a frie-- a guy in need out,” Daehyun prompted.
“I don’t know what it is exactly. But like, you can kind of feel it. It’s like... in your general aura,” Youngjae explained flimsily.
Daehyun narrowed his eyes. “Are you a hippie? Get out of the car. I can’t with your kind of people.” He kicked Youngjae’s thighs, pushing him so that his arm was uncomfortably pressed against the door handle.
“Hey, quit it!” Youngjae protested, squirming under the assault. He pulled in his right hand and very determinedly stroked it across Daehyun’s cheek, lathering it in dirty soap and water.
“Urgh! That is disgusting!” Daehyun cried. He opened the car door and pushed Youngjae out, sending him tumbling onto the dusty road. “The species have evolved from your primitive times Youngjae. Learn to catch up.” He twisted the key and set the car into ignition, grinning when it roared to life.
“What- what are you-” Youngjae stumbled, scrambling upright when he noticed the car’s headlights directed towards him predatorily. “You-you can’t, I’m under contract!”
Daehyun laughed sinisterly as Youngjae ran in a flail of limbs away from the moving Ford. Daehyun was driving at something like 5km/h, but occasionally he’d accelerate just to hear Youngjae squeak and try to propel himself forward.
“If I lose my voice because of screaming then it’ll be your fault! I’m already a contender at VoteForTheWorst,” Yongjae pleaded, backing up against dying shrubbery.
Daehyun snickered. “I’m giving you a boost then, what else are friends for?”
The theme was iTunes Top Ten, and Daehyun all but guffawed when presented with Youngjae’s song choice.
“Justin Bieber!” he exclaimed. He slapped Youngjae’s thighs in a frenzy, not at all trying to regain some composure.
Youngjae tugged the ear buds unceremoniously from Daehyun and pulled the laptop towards himself. He exited out of the iTunes window embarrassedly, leaving only his minimalist apple wallpaper in sight, hiding the evidence of his supposed emasculation. Much to Youngjae’s chagrin, Daehyun was now clutching the quilt still laughing furiously.
“I just wanted to sing something relevant to this decade,” Youngjae murmured, “didn’t take you to be so pretentious with music.”
“I’m not, I’m not,” defended Daehyun, now only occasionally bursting into small fits of cackling. “It’s just that, every YouTube video that even mentions his name has at the very least 300 dislikes.”
“True...” Youngjae admitted, “but I’m not dating the dude! I just want to sing his song. Who knows, maybe they’ll like my spin.”
“Whatever.” Daehyun shrugged. “I could most probably outsing all of those tweenie-pandering boy toys-- and yeah, okay. I’m a bit pretentious.” He grinned at Youngjae’s mild-mannered face of disapproval.
“Alright then, what’s the harm in covering them for this week?” Youngjae challenged, breaking into that crescent mooned eye smile when Daehyun turned to him like he was insane.
Daehyun snorted. “Yeah, sorry. I have this thing called dignity. You probably lost yours a while ago, but it’s nice.”
Youngjae shifted on the bed, crossing his legs so he was face to face with Daehyun “Well, as you said. At the very least you can do it justice.” He raised his eyebrows, and the amused smirk on Daehyun’s face slowly morphed into bemusement and eventually horror when he realised Youngjae was being entirely serious. “So? What do you say?”
“Are you serious? I was in the bottom 3 last week Youngjae! This is signing my death certificate!” Daehyun countered, shoving Youngjae’s shoulder.
“You were ranting against this entire establishment just yesterday at dinner!”
“I was not ranting.”
“Yeah you were!” Youngjae insisted. “That’s why Taeyeon threw the broccoli at you.” He smiled softly when Daehyun pursed his lips, eyes moving towards the open window.“Think of this as fighting against the establishment.”
“I don’t want to get eliminated,” Daehyun whispered, fingers twining around the pristine white bedsheets.
Youngjae placed a hand around Daehyun’s nape and squeezed reassuringly. “You won’t. I know you won’t.”
Daehyun swallowed, lifting his head up and clenching his jaw when he realised he could feel Youngjae’s breath from their proximity. “How do you know?”
Youngjae winked and leant back against the bed’s headboard. “Cos. Simon rips into you every week but none of the watchers really care.” He lifted the laptop off the bed and onto the safety of his lap when Daehyun tried to kick it in retaliation.
“Fine,” Daehyun sighed, falling back onto the soft mattress defeated, “but we both can’t sing Justin Bieber, that’s just... no.”
Youngjae opened his laptop, clicking around until a chesire smile creeped along his face. “No problem.” He dumped the laptop on Daehyun’s chest before reaching for his coat on the hanger and heading for the door. “Good luck.”
Daehyun sat upright and maximized the window on the screen, mouth falling open at the suggestion Youngjae left open.
“One Direction!”
Top 7 Performance Night
For the week leading up to performance night, Daehyun’s only consolation had been that he was still cooler than Youngjae, but that had flown out the window when Youngae got up and sang an acoustic version of ‘Boyfriend’. He should have known Youngjae would have worked the song a bit, making it a lot less degrading than Daehyun, who was singing to an unaltered version of ‘What Makes You Beautiful’. Acoustic after all, made everything seem classier.
Daehyun bumped Youngjae shoulders purposefully when he returned to the Coca Cola waiting room, directing a disgruntled frown towards him. Youngjae simply blew him a kiss and a thumbs up, which did nothing except infuriate Daehyun further.
Ryan Seacrest’s voice boomed and resounded through the studio as he announced, “Daehyun Jung! Singing One Direction’s ‘What Makes You Beautiful’!” The microphone almost slipped from Daehyun’s grip, and he prayed that stylist had powdered enough foundation on his skin to conceal the burning on his cheeks. The cheers for him, he noted, were significantly more higher pitched than they were the previous weeks, the reason why was something he felt almost ashamed to dwell on.
The opening chords began playing and Daehyun took a deep breath. “You’re insecure, don’t know what for...”
The silence that enveloped the space was similar to the suffocating stillness of a classroom when a student talked back to a particularly testy teacher. Except it wasn’t silent, not really, with the incessant cheering from the crowd and the ringing in Daehyun’s ears. But all three judges looked caught off gaurd, Paula trying very hard to hide a smirk behind her hand, and Randy had his mouth open and twisted, not a good look for him Daehyun wanted to point out, but he also wanted very badly to not be that student.
Surprisingly Simon was the first one to break the standstill on the judge’s table. “That was very fun,” he said, sharing a look with Paula and Randy before setting his stare back at Daehyun. “Don’t you ever do that again, but that was very fun, and as much as it hurts me to say this... I liked it.”
Daehyun sucked in a breath. To say that was unexpected would be an understatement. He’d spent at least an hour before the show preparing his game face, ready for Simon to pummel him tonight. The compliment sounded alien uttered from Simon’s lips, and Daehyun really didn’t have an answer to it.
(Un)Fortunately, Ryan Seacrest did, walking towards Daehyun with an actual genuine expression of disbelief and amusement on his face. He clasped Daehyun’s shoulder, shaking him. “Do you know how much it killed him inside to say that?”
Daehyun blinked, fumbling with the microphone before bringing it up to his mouth. “Thanks...”
Randy chuckled. “You know Daehyun dog, I was surprised. But I agree, that was really fun man. I digged it.” He looked over at Paula, beckoning for her commentary.
Paula shook her head, nails rapping against the table as she grinned up at Daehyun. “I think that was your best performance yet.”
The crowd’s cheering was prolonged by at least a minute, only coming to a halt when Seacrest raised his hands and chuckled “Ladies ladies, you can’t vote for him if you don’t let me say the number.” Daehyun smiled down at the floor, figuring for once he wouldn’t mind being in the bottom three.
Top 6 Results Night
He found Youngjae at the alley behind the studio, pacing amongst the strewn litter, sleeves pulled down and wound tightly around his fingers. From the lighting of the street lamp a little away, Daehyun could see his chest rising and falling steadily. Lips moving the way Daehyun’s mother’s would when she was uttering a silent prayer.
Daehyun lifted a dirty soda can from the ground and aimed it at Youngjae’s head. It rebounded with a clang and Youngjae jolted, searching for the culprit until he caught site of Daehyun at the backdoor of the studio.
“Hey,” he greeted.
Daehyun cleared his throat, “What are you doing out here? Results go live in a bit.”
Youngjae pursed his lips, approaching Daehyun and leaning against the opposite frame of the studio. “Did anyone notice I was missing?”
Daehyun furrowed his eyebrows, Youngjae was acting antsier than usual today. His eyes were privy to losing focus more than often, and he’d generally been in a jumpy mood since they were called out of the make-up rooms. Granted, no one was exactly in high spirits during results night, but Youngjae looked like he’d just killed some--
Daehyun widened his eyes, throwing his arms around Youngjae’s shoulders. “Where’d you put Seacrest’s body?” he whispered.
Youngjae tsked and shrugged Daehyun off. “What? No. We’re going live now?” he asked.
“I just said so.”
Youngjae looked conflicted for a second, shuffling on his feet before he seemed to make up his mind and look Daehyun straight in the eye. He was a bit taller than Daehyun in his current shoes, so when he leant down to kiss him suddenly, he stumbled forward ungracefully. It was hard (not due to passion but because Youngjae had no idea what he was doing) and fleeting. Daehyun wouldn’t have felt it if it wasn’t for the blaring awareness reverberating through him and the fact he’d almost involuntarily leant forward at the slight contact.
“I’ll see you after the show,” Youngjae murmured quickly, looking down at the floor as he took fast strides away from Daehyun.
Daehyun stood there in the doorway, licking his lips in order to process what had just happened before Seacrest’s shrill voice pierced through the air.
“We go live now! Where is Daehyun? Where is he?”
Daehyun groaned, kicking himself away from the edge and towards the front of the studio. He’d confront Youngjae about this later, because Daehyun hated leaving things in the air.
(On purpose.)
The secret behind Youngjae’s fretful behaviour prior to the live became clear as he stood in front of his bed, suitcase open, packing away his belongings like he was going on an extended vacation to Hawaii or something. Youngjae hadn’t even flinched when he was called down to the bottom three, and had simply nodded when Seacrest announced his name with the faux solemness he saved for elimination nights.
As Daehyun laid there in his parallel bed, nodding his foot in time with the small tune Youngjae was humming, he finally got it.
“You saw the results beforehand didn’t you?” Daehyun accused.
Youngjae didn’t look up as he folded another pair of trousers. “Sort of. I just want to rip the bandage of cleanly, you know? Leave and get it over with.”
He zipped up his suitcase, heaving it up and depositing it next to the door. There was a taxi waiting for Youngjae out in front of the mansion, waiting to drive him to the airport where he’d catch the 7:55am flight to New York.
“Sixth, you know, that’s pretty good. I’d have been happy with sixth,” lied Daehyun. He rolled off his bed, standing awkwardly beside Youngjae who was scanning the room for anything he might have left behind.
Daehyun wasn’t particularly obsessive, but it’d be a lie to pretend he hadn’t spent the last thirty minutes waiting for Youngjae to bring up the incident from last night. Instead he seemed to be completely unfazed by it, as he smiled lopsidedly at Daehyun.
“Yeah. Sixth is pretty good. I mean, how many people audition each year anyway? You think it’s good right?”
Daehyun jumped back onto Youngjae’s mattress, crumpling his perfectly done bedsheets. “Super good. I’d kiss you if it wasn’t repetitive,” he prompted with a single eyebrow raised.
Youngjae blinked for two beats before licking his lips and drawling: “That was super smooth.”
“Super smooth.” Daehyun cleared his throat. This was getting particularly weird, and he kind of regretted bringing it up. He’d come this far though, he might as well push forth. ‘Who the fuck do you think you are?’ is the kind of tone Daehyun was aiming towards, instead he stuttered out: “Why?”
Youngjae looked at him silently for a minute, Daehyun could hear the incessant honking from the Taxi outside. “Do you like me?” he asked abruptly.
“What?” Daehyun spluttered. He did not want this explanation. He wanted to hear that Youngjae was just trying it out, that he was horny, that Daehyun just had really nice lips. “No! Of course not!” He protested.
Youngjae looked a bit hurt, but Daehyun decided not to care.
“I meant, as a friend,” Youngjae amended.
Daehyun narrowed his eyes. “Did not you liar.” The Taxi outside began honking again, and he could hear G.O from the room over swear out the window.
Youngjae flushed pink, pulling up the handle of his suitcase and moving towards the hallway. “Don’t worry then. I just wanted to help you win,” he muttered, closing the door behind him.
Daehyun really didn’t want to spend a millisecond more in Youngjae’s presence, so instead he comforted himself with throwing a pillow at the door.
Top 5 Week
He received two texts from Youngjae in the week after his elimination, reading as follows:
1830: ’look, i’m sorry. i swear i don’t want anyhing to happen b/w us. i just really want you to win’
1831: ‘*anything’
The rest of the contestants stopped talking to him. At first Daehyun thought it was because they’d overhead their kind-of-fight, but three days later when Jonghyun offered to redo his eggs after the yolk had slightly broke, he realised it was because they expected him to break into tears over the loss of his best friend at any moment.
Like that was going to happen. It was a competition, and Daehyun was a fierce competitor. This meant he spent more time in the studio, practice room, with the vocal trainer. Since Youngjae wasn’t a constant distraction anymore, poking and bothering Daehyun whenever he was bored, there was suddenly so much more free time in the world. He could have first claim on the good cereal since he wasn’t waiting for Youngjae to wake up after a night of gaming.
He was going to win this.
Top 5 Performance Night
Whitney Houston week. He belted his lungs out on ‘I Will Always Love You’. He felt different after this performance, full and revitalised, ready to take on the world. Paula and Randy stood up for a standing ovation, Simon however, crossed his arms over his chest and leant back in his chair.
“That has got to be the most misdirected thing you’ve ever performed on this show,” he claimed. Daehyun felt the empowerment in him wither away. “What happened? You just... I don’t think you got the song.” Simon had a peculiar look on his face, and if Daehyun didn’t know any better, he’d say it was worry.
“What the fuck did you do?” Daehyun snarled.
“Hello to you too,” Youngjae answered groggily. “I saw your performance by the way. Doesn’t your throat hurt?”
“My throat is fine thanks.” Daehyun snapped.
There was rustling over on Youngjae’s side of the phone. “Great, so why are you calling me at two am?”
Daehyun glanced at the clock on his bedside, flashing 23:00 in red LED lights. He forgot about the time difference. “Did you bribe the judges to rip into me before you left?” he demanded.
“What?” Youngjae’s voice sharpened and suddenly sounded 150% more aware. “Why would I do that?”
“I don’t know. Maybe you felt hurt after our fight?” Daehyun reasoned.
“So I called Simon at six am just to spite you?” Youngjae snorted. “It wasn’t even a fight.”
“It was a fight,” Daehyun insisted. “Just tell me what you did. Did you sleep with Seacrest or something?”
“No!” Youngjae barked, followed by more rustling and a distant ‘sorry’ belowed away from the speaker. “And it wasn’t a fight. Why would we fight?”
“Because we always fight!” Daehyun yelled. “We’re fighting about fighting right now.”
If Youngjae had anything to say to that, he kept it to himself. Instead he inquired calmly “He criticises you every week. Why is tonight suddenly so special?”
“Because I tried so hard!” Daehyun admitted, embarrassed when his voice broke in the middle of the sentence. It must have given Youngjae reassurance, because his next words were a lot more confident and laced with considerable more gall.
“Maybe you just aren’t as good as you think you are?” he teased.
“Fuck off.”
“Seriously though. Do you honestly think I want to sabotage you? I told you, I want you to win.”
Daehyun felt the rage in him deflating, and he flopped down onto his bed and moved the phone to his other ear. “No. I don’t really,” he sighed. “I’m just fed up.”
Youngjae laughed. “Come on man, you still have three more weeks to redeem yourself. Do you know what the theme for next week is?”
“Yeah. Michael Jackson. That’s if I stay,” added Daehyun.
“Oh you’ll stay. You’re too good looking not to make it to at least the top 3,” assured Youngjae.
Daehyun grimaced, any semblance of warmth he felt for Youngjae depleting very quickly. “You know, I almost thought I missed you. Thanks for reminding me not too.”
“You’re welcome,” chirped Youngjae.
There was silence, and Daehyun considered the fact he may have overestimated their ability to maintain purely verbal conversation. Though their less than ideal parting terms probably had something to do with it.
Youngjae cleared his throat. “It’s still two in the morning-ish. I should get to bed.”
Daehyun nodded to no one in particular. “You really should.”
“For the record though, I do miss you.” Youngjae said before hanging up and letting Daehyun answer to the empty dialtone.
Top 4 Performance Night
Daehyun makes it through to the Top 4, and he doesn’t think about Youngjae until it’s time to bare his heart on the stage again for the final four performance night. It’s just him, Jonghyun, Taeyeon, and G.O.
The last part is a lie, he thinks about Youngjae considerably in between, to the point of almost delusion. He loitered outside of the Idol Mansion for ten minutes whilst the other three waited patiently in the car. It wasn’t until Jonghyun, finally rightfully fed up, asked Daehyun whether he’d lost something, and if that something was so important it was allowed to delay their live broadcast.
“I’m waiting for Y-- urgh, don’t worry. It’s not important,” Daehyun shook his head and took his place in the back seat beside Taeyeon. If Jonghyun figured it out, he decided to spare Daehyun his dignity and didn’t bring it up during the ride.
He was going to perform last, and usually Daehyun would be impartial about the decision, but today there was an excess of perspiration on his palms and sand in his throat. Ryan Seacrest cut out to a break right before Jonghyun’s turn, and Daehyun unable to stand the sudden spike in temperature within the waiting room, scrambled away to the back of the studio.
He fumbled with his mobile phone, pressing call on Youngjae’s name (which he never bothered to memorise, since it was essentially the ugliest mobile number he’d ever seen).
“Hello?” Youngjae’s voice spoke.
Daehyun coughed to try and compose his voice. “Hey dude. I’m freaking out, and you’re the only one I’m not contractually obliged to--”
“Helloooo?” Youngjae whined.
Daehyun’s forehead frowned. “Hello?”
“Hey, is it reco--” beep.
Daehyun growled under his breath and stuffed the phone back into his pocket. He wasn’t about to cry, but he felt a weight on his shoulders that was never present during the other performance nights. He trudged back to the waiting room, ignoring Taeyeon’s quiet concern and Seacrest’s panicked hyperventilation over his disappearance.
“You almost missed the pre-performance interview,” Seacrest cried, “you little-- Welcome to the Coca Cola waiting room, where Daehyun is waiting his turn to take the stage by storm.” He smiled tightly at the camera, Daehyun hid his face behind his hand.
Seacrest took a seat next to Daehyun on the couch, eyes shining and begging him to behave. “So tell me Daehyun, are you confident?” He pushed the microphone towards Daehyun’s face.
Daehyun thought about it for a second. “No,” he answered truthfully, “but I need to be.”
“Well, I hope you do regain your confidence. It is a useful thing,” Seacrest laughed. “Now--”
Daehyun pulled the microphone back towards himself. “It’s important I’m confident for this performance especially though,” he spoke, trying to free the mic from Seacrest’s grip.
Seacrest tugged it back. “Well you know, we have to be. Now a word from our sponsors--”
Daehyun leaned forward, close enough to smell the sour cologne smothering Seacrest’s neck. “I need to be confident today though, because I’m singing for someone now.”
Seacrest’s jolted his knees up, knocking Daehyun’s chest back. “Well, we’re all singing for someone special,” Seacrest grinned, shooting Daehyun a surreptitious glare from the corner of his eye. “And singing for us, is our sponsor Ford, with the new Ford Fiesta. Slick, sexy, and compact.”
“If you used small over compact it would have sounded better,” Daehyun murmured, thankful that his mic was off.
His stage, singing to You are Not Alone, felt disappointingly habitual to him, halfway through he wondered if he should have rearranged it. It didn’t help that he spent the entire song thinking back to whether Youngjae was watching the performance on his Television. When the music stopped he felt the same light buzz course through him that would follow after every performance. He regretted his song choice slightly once he caught sight of Simon indifferently sitting back in his chair. Should he have moonwalked? Jonghyun moonwalked. It was shit, but it worked.
Simon cleared his throat, and spoke quickly and sharply. “Well Daehyun, it’s not your most technically proficient stage. But...” he smiled up at him, “I think you’ve finally shown me that you can win this thing.”
Daehyun blinked, the shocked/ecstatic cheers from the crowd dissolving into static in his ears. Seacrest whooped from beside him.
Simon chuckled. “You know, that just did it for me. I didn’t even really know what was missing in your last one hundred performances, but something did change tonight and I’m not sure what it is.”
Daehyun couldn’t hide the grin on his face. He smiled down at Simon and spoke.
“I do.”