Work Text:
On the body of the moon
no one puts their heat.
Sun and moon face to face,
between the moon and the sun
that are sought and not found,
you and I.
Park Jimin has never been ashamed of who he is or what he likes.
He knows that some people think otherwise, that they think he should be completely open about his sexuality and shout it from the rooftops every day for the rest of his life just to show that he is proud to be a gay man.
And although he is quite proud of the person he has become over all these years, Jimin believes that his sexuality is just one small thing of the many others that make him a special person, that make Jimin who he is today. Although it is part of him, it does not define it.
Most people in his inner circle know about his sexual preferences and don't act as if it changes anything about him. They don't "accept" him because they don't have to, Jimin didn't ask their permission and he didn't tell them because he had to, he just wanted them to know that he would never bring a pretty girl as his partner to family dinners.
He wanted them to know that, instead, he would bring a nice, kind boy who laughs at all his uncles' horrible jokes and holds his hand under the table just because he loves Jimin so much that he can't be physically away from him. A boy who appreciates him for everything he is.
Jimin wants the same kind of love that he sees in his parents and his grandparents. He deserves pure, genuine love motivated only by the best of intentions.
Maybe his longing is so great that when he first said it out loud in front of his family, he didn't even think about it one bit, the words just came out of his mouth as if they had been eagerly waiting to come out.
Of course, he should have considered saying it at a more opportune time, since, taking into account that he was at a Sunday lunch with (literally) his entire family... Well, we can say that it was not one of his best ideas. However, Jimin is known for his terrible decisions, so no one is really surprised when he tells the story.
He still laughs when he remembers his older cousin's face when she heard him say, “I've been gay since I was in my mom's womb, I'm pretty sure there won't be any girlfriend anytime soon, noona, but maybe I can bring a guy at the next dinner,” as he put a piece of meat in his mouth and smiled kindly at her.
At that moment the twenty-two people in the room fell silent and stared at him as if he had confessed to murdering a puppy or something worse. All he could do was shrug his shoulders and continue eating while they began arguing about why Jimin's parents hadn't said anything about it or making snarky comments about the dance classes Jimin has been taking for several years now.
Luckily, his grandfather silenced everyone at the table when he asked, “When are we going to leave Jimin alone and start eating? I'm sure he'll still be gay by the time I can finally get a taste of this absolutely delicious looking kimchi.”
Jimin laughed when he saw his grandfather wink at him as he whispered, “I got you.”
He is grateful that his grandfather was able to save him from the awkward situation with his relatives at lunch, even if later, despite all his efforts, he could not rescue him from the “important talk” about his sexuality with his parents (the only word that can use to describe the talk that still gives him nightmares is: UNCOMFORTABLE).
To be honest, Jimin thought that the one who would take the longest to accept his sexuality was going to be his grandfather, but it was quite the opposite. After his parents, he was the person who gave him the most support and love.
When he asked him about it, all his grandfather told him was, “I love you with all my heart, Jimin-ah, and I don't do it because you're my grandson or because I thought you were straight. I love you for the great person you are, for the moments of infinite happiness that you have given me. I don't care who you choose to spend the rest of your life with as long as they take care of you and love you the way you deserve."
The words resonated strongly in Jimin's heart, making him cry immediately.
To this day, he wants to follow his grandfather's words: find someone to whom he can give all his love and who will return it in the same way.
Even though it took some of his family members a little longer to digest the information, they're all pretty cool about it now. They stopped asking about a girlfriend to ask about a possible boyfriend and even one of her aunts continues to insist on introducing him to the son of one of her friends from her baking club even though Jimin has declined the invitation countless times.
He believes it is an important development and appreciates it with all his heart.
Even Hoseok and Jin, his best friends, were nice about it without having to make it a big deal. After Jimin told them what had happened at the family reunion, they continued playing Mario Kart on the console and made a silly joke about how they couldn't talk about boobs in front of Jimin now. None of them changed the way they treated him: Hoseok still kisses him all over the face despite Jimin's complaints and Jin still makes him delicious food while telling him jokes (which aren't funny at all) when he has a bad day.
He knows that he is quite fortunate with the support that his family and friends have given him. He has heard really sad stories about the rejection or exclusion that some parents do to their children, he knows people who have had to give up many things to be able to be themselves freely.
Jimin knows all this and doesn't take for granted the support and love he has received. On the contrary, he greatly appreciates and appreciates that his inner circle makes him feel like a normal person, as if he were not a weirdo just for having a sexual preference different from the conventional one.
He appreciates that they let him feel like himself in his own skin.
It's probably because of all that unconditional support from his family and friends that he feels an itch run through his body when someone he just met asks him about a girlfriend and Jimin doesn't know what to do or say. He feels like a traitor when the words he really wants to say get stuck in his throat and all he can do is nod and smile stupidly while he hopes the other person will forget that they ever asked anything.
There's no valid excuse as to why he can't say it, it should be easy considering it's fucking 2023 and Jimin hasn't really had a bad experience regarding him being gay. But… Well, it's really not that easy.
Don't get it wrong, Jimin isn't in the closet (and he doesn't intend to lock himself in one, thank you very much), but while he doesn't hide it, he doesn't need to shout it from the rooftops either.
It's not that he is afraid of rejection or all the possibilities that a gay man can suffer in South Korea. He knows that currently the LGBTQ+ community has taken great strength to have their rights recognized, he knows that he has people out there who understand him and who support him despite not knowing him. He has talked about it many times with friends from the queer community that he met at his favorite bar and all of them have always made him feel valid, seen.
Jimin has learned to accept that his sexuality is not the only thing that defines him as a person.
However, it sometimes feels like it is and he really, really hates that.
He hates that people don't take him seriously, he hates that some people limit him to silly stereotypes, he hates that some guys think that just because he's gay he's going to suck their dick or something like that just because they think he's so needy for it.
Out in the real world, things are more complicated than simply coming out and talking to the first cute guy who walks past you.
And if we add Jimin's terrible choice in choosing the men he likes, then we have something doubly complicated.
Most of the guys he dates prefer secrecy, kisses and warm hands in dark alleys or in bars where no one can recognize them. Some of them find it exciting to have to hide, others just want to explore and are not really interested in having a formal or exclusive relationship with another man, for a few it is about power, what it feels like to “dominate” another man.
Jimin has met all kinds of guys since he accepted his sexuality. He is used to being used, he knows that he attracts the attention of certain types of men because of his soft and delicate features; in the same way that he knows that he is rejected by other men for those same traits.
To be honest, it sucks.
He's tired of relationships being so difficult, of giving so much of himself and not getting even half of it in return. Jimin no longer wants to feel used and discarded the next morning, he wants something long and lasting where he can see that the other person is just as committed as him. He is not interested in open relationships or in helping to “discover” other people's sexuality, he just wants someone who sees him for who he is and who, despite all of his flaws, loves him.
But it seems that no one can see that.
"Sorry?" The letters get stuck in his throat as he asks the question and the itch on his skin returns once again. He feels so… helpless.
He can't believe this is happening.
“Don't pretend you didn't hear, sweetheart. I know you're smart enough to understand what I'm saying,” the boy in front of him winks and smiles as if the flirting is accepted.
Despite the taekwondo classes he took a couple of years ago, Jimin can't say that he is a violent person. He has never hit anyone just because he wants to, in fact, he has never even hit anyone outside of the sport.
But right now… right now Jimin wishes he could be a violent person and punch the guy in front of him for being so horrible, cruel and inconsiderate.
“I prefer to think that I didn't hear anything you said,” Jimin responds, putting one of his hands in the front pocket of his pants to avoid scratching his skin, his other hand firmly gripping the strap of his briefcase.
Are those words enough to make him understand that he should go to hell?
Apparently they are not because the guy opens his mouth again to spit nonsense.
“Come on, Jimin, don't act like that,” he reaches out and tries to grab his arm but Jimin jerks away immediately, avoiding the touch. The other boy twists his mouth and gives a deep sigh as he runs a hand over his face, looking frustrated. “It's not like it's something horrible, it's just a proposal that can be beneficial for both of us,” he explains.
“Let you fuck me whenever you want?” Jimin asks sarcastically, but he doesn't laugh or try to look funny. On the contrary, his face seems to have no expression whatsoever.
"You see? I told you you were smart, honey,” he smiles at him like he’s proud.
The sight of that smile makes Jimin want to throw up.
He really should learn to listen to Hoseok's advice. When his friend told him that it didn't seem like a good idea to agree to talk to Seungmin alone in the campus locker room for "more privacy" about a "very personal" matter, Jimin had to listen to him. He would have been spared the migraine and the helplessness he feels in front of this guy (as well as the possibility of going to jail for committing murder).
Seungmin had never approached him like this. Generally they only talk about things from the classes they share in college, it is almost always because the other boy does not understand the topics for the exam well and asks Jimin for help to explain them to him.
Of course, Jimin is kind enough to agree to tutor his classmates because he has enough time to divide between his personal life and tutoring since his parents support him financially and that means he doesn't have to work to pay for his tuition or personal expenses.
He has always liked to help as many people as he can and, since he has the best GPA of his generation, he does not believe that a little help to his peers or people from lower grades is a big deal. However, other people think that this is totally unbelievable and that is why they consider Jimin as someone “popular.”
Many girls at his university are interested in him because he is attractive, kind, and intelligent, but most of them believe that he either has a long-distance girlfriend or that he is too focused on his studies to be in a relationship.
Jimin has never said that he is straight (he hasn't even hinted at it, to be honest), but he hasn't confessed to being gay either. When he receives a date invitation from some girl, he only thanks them for his bravery and cordially rejects them saying that he is not interested.
He's open to the possibility of dating someone from his university, but so far none of his male classmates have hinted at being interested in him or asked him out, and in all the time he's known and interacted with Seungmin, he's never noticed any double intention of the boy. He has never shown interest in Jimin in anything other than a friendly way.
So when he asked him to talk alone, he never imagined it could be something like this.
“I'm not the least bit interested, I've never…” Jimin tries to explain but the other boy immediately interrupts, making him fall silent.
“Don't even try to deny it, Jimin. I know your dirty little secret,” Seungmin says and takes two more steps forward, getting closer and closer to Jimin and waving his finger in circles near his chest almost as if he were playing with him. “I know what you like and I can give it to you,” he licks his lips, looking him up and down.
From the way you're acting, I don't think you can.
“What I like is having my own fucking personal space, back off,” he warns sharply with a scowl, pushing him away.
“A fighter, I like it,” the boy winks.
Jimin can't help but roll his eyes and give a tired sigh. He can't say that he's used to this treatment, but this certainly isn't the first time a man has treated him this way. He knows that they are not worth wasting time or effort on and that it is better to ignore them and walk away.
At least he's thankful that there's no one in this area of the university at this hour because everyone is busy taking classes (which Jimin should be doing right now) or buying coffee at the other end of the campus.
“Thank you for the offer, I totally reject it,” Jimin heads towards the exit of the locker room without giving him another glance.
“Are you sure, Jimin?” The boy emphasizes the words. “If I were you I would think twice, you know. Unless you want everyone to know your secrets, of course,” Seungmin looks at his nails as if he’s not the least bit interested in the conversation, but from the way he smiles it’s clear that he thinks he has all the control of this situation.
He couldn't be more wrong.
Jimin stops and clicks his tongue, turning to look into the boy's eyes. He tilts his head slightly and laughs.
"Are you threatening me?"
“Just giving possibilities,” Seungmin shrugs.
“No one would believe you,” Jimin quickly retorts, sounding pathetic and a little desperate.
“Not me, of course. I’m not gay and I have a girlfriend,” Seungmin laughs as he sits comfortably on one of the benches the soccer team uses. “But do you remember what I told you at the beginning? If you know Lee Baekho? Well, he's a big fan of this bar called “THE SINNERS ROOM,” famous for being a place where very gay people hang out, right?” The boy doesn't miss the opportunity to emphasize the words as if they disgust him. If it weren't for the situation, Jimin would scoff at the hypocrisy. “When I told him my age and where I was studying, he got excited and immediately told me that he was friends with a Park Jimin from my same university who was very handsome and funny, I was like ‘Oh, what a coincidence, I also know a Park Jimin!’ But, well, the doubt arose because I was more than sure that the Jimin I know was heterosexual, it couldn't be him who frequents those places of sin, right? But Baekho was very sure of what he was saying. The doubt gnawed at us and we ended up making comparisons with photos, it turned out that we had the same friend in common: you. Pretty funny, right?” He smiles at him, once again, and Jimin is one more second away from punching him in his ugly face.
“No, not even a little bit.”
“Oh, come on, Jimin, stop acting like that!” Seungmin rolls his eyes, looking annoyed. “It's not like you don't like taking it up the ass.”
“You fucking…” he spits out in annoyance, dropping his briefcase to the floor and getting dangerously close to the other boy who looks scared for the first time since they came at the locker room.
Jimin was about to commit murder.
He was really close to punching Choi Seungmin if it hadn't been for him hearing the shower doors opening and seeing a very wet Jeon Jungkook with only a towel wrapped around his small waist coming out of them.
The boy has a kind smile on his face and is drying his long hair with a smaller towel.
If Jimin wasn't so upset and just a second away from punching Seungmin, he would have fainted just from the lovely sight. Right now, all he can do is stand still and stare, looking uncomfortable.
“Oh, hey guys, I didn't know someone was here, I thought you had classes with Professor Kang at this hour?” Jungkook says, approaching them with a kind smile that makes him look cuter than you might think from someone with so many tattoos and body piercings (of course Jimin isn't looking at the piercings Jungkook has on both nipples). .
Jimin isn't sure if Jungkook can sense the tension between the two men and is choosing to ignore it or if he just doesn't know how to read the mood in the room. The boy continues drying his hair as if Jimin's fists weren't red and clenched and his jaw wasn't tense and just a second away from breaking.
“Yes, we have class with him, but Jimin and I needed to talk about a private matter,” Seungmin responds after a couple of seconds in which no one says anything and all that can be heard are the drops of water falling from the athletic body of Jungkook as he stands there (still shirtless and only wearing a towel) staring at both of them.
“It must be something important if you are missing a class because of it,” Jungkook comments reflexively, tilting his head. He walks slowly towards his locker but doesn't look away from either of them, almost analyzing them.
He makes Jimin feel very nervous, so he slowly picks up his briefcase on the floor and tries to smooth out his clothes, running his hands over them.
“Not really,” is all Seungmin says with a tight smile. “Just a… personal matter,” he finishes explaining as he scratches his head nervously.
Jimin has limited himself to holding the strap of his briefcase, just like at the beginning of the conversation. He wants to leave, but he doesn't want to act suspicious or leave Seungmin alone with Jungkook who seems incredulous at what they're telling him. Jimin doesn't know if he managed to hear anything and would like to know how much Jungkook knows.
“Whatever,” Jungkook finally opens his locker, giving them both a chance to admire his broad, toned back. “Sunhee told me that she was looking for you, I ran into her in the hallways and it seems to me that she came in here and then she ran out? I was taking a shower after my workout, so I couldn't tell you before, bro. Sorry,” he shrugs as he watches Seungmin pick up his backpack and run off as he mutters “shit” over and over.
Jimin is almost sure that Jungkook's story can't be true. They would have heard Sunhee's voice or seen her enter, Jungkook can't have had more than twenty minutes in her shower in the communal showers, and Seungmin and Jimin haven't been in the locker room for more than fifteen minutes.
He wants to ask, but prefers not to.
Again, Jimin doesn't think Jungkook is a bad person, he's quite the celebrity on campus and, even if he's known for his numerous one-night stands, he's never heard anything bad about him, but he doesn't want to be wrong.
The thing about Jeon Jungkook is that everyone knows and adores him. It's not just the fact that he's deliciously attractive, but that he's the perfect person: kind, athletic, smart, funny, just the right amount of rebellious. There is no quality that Jungkook doesn't have and that's why you don't want to be on his bad side, a person who treats SNU's sweetheart boy badly is treated like public enemy number one.
He also doesn't know how Jungkook would react to it if he knew about his sexuality. He's never heard anyone say anything other than kind and respectful of Jeon Jungkook around campus, but one can never be sure.
Seungmin is a clear example of it.
Jimin takes his eyes off Jungkook's back, rubs his brow and adjusts his briefcase back on his shoulder so he can leave. He will definitely have to talk to Baekho and Seungmin. He's not bothered by the "coming out" thing, it's the least of his worries and it's not something that really keeps him up at night, but what he doesn't want to happen is something like this, for more people to believe they can get something about Jimin just because of his sexual preference, he is not going to tolerate that...
"Are you ok?" Jungkook asks softly as he grabs his shoulder, interrupting all of his thoughts.
His touch is gentle and his voice sounds comforting, Jeon Jungkook shouldn't have the right to seem as good as he is now. He makes Jimin freeze. He doesn't know if he should turn around or not, has he already finished putting on some clothes or would Jungkook prefer to be half naked?
“Sure, why wouldn’t I be?” That's all he says, either to reassure him or to make him understand that he doesn't want to talk about it.
Of course, Jungkook doesn't take the hint.
“Well… Seungmin,” he doesn't say anything else and Jimin thinks he knows why.
He listened.
"What's the matter with him?" Jimin turns, the quick movement causing Jungkook's hand to slip from his shoulder. The question seems to shake the other boy a little, who is frowning and staring at him.
Luckily Jungkook has a shirt on, which makes Jimin able to concentrate better.
“You don't want to talk about it, do you?” Jungkook laughs, he is not mocking or aggressive, rather it seems that he wants to relax the atmosphere between them. Jimin stares at him expressionlessly, maybe that's why Jungkook raises his hands like he's giving up. "I understand, I understand. Just…maybe if you want to talk to someone about it sometime, I can be there to listen.”
“Of course, because you have a lot of knowledge about the daily experiences of gay men, right?” Jimin says and really tries to make it sound like a joke but the words end up coming out harsher than he intended and he can see that Jungkook looks a little uncomfortable.
Hoseok is right that Jimin should learn to improve his social skills.
“Well, no, but…” Jungkook starts to say and stops abruptly.
Jimin waits a couple of seconds and raises an eyebrow, but Jungkook is still thinking about his answer and seems a bit quite dramatic about it because he even clasps his hands behind his back and walks slowly in circles while staring at Jimin, almost as if was analyzing it.
"But?" He gets a little desperate. Jimin wants to laugh at how ridiculous Jungkook looks making a big deal out of something so silly but the two of them aren't what you could call friends, so...
“Am I an ally?” He asks, finally.
“Are you asking me if you are one?”
“Well, shouldn't you all have the authority to issue some kind of alliance certificate? You know, to distinguish the real ones from the fake ones.”
“That's…” Jimin stays quiet for a moment, analyzing his next move. Now, he has two options in this situation: one is to be a complete idiot and just leave because Jungkook isn't being serious; the other is to just act like a normal person and play along. “A good idea, actually,” he says, nodding. It seems like he made a good decision because the smile on Jungkook's face is bright. “I will take on the task of telling your idea to the supreme leader of Korean gays, I am sure he will love to hear it.”
Oh God, is that even a joke?
Jimin bites his tongue immediately regretting his words, he didn't want to sound like a fool but it seems like he can't help it sometimes.
“I'm not just a pretty face, you know? I get some good ideas from time to time,” Jungkook winks at him and then turns around to close his locker.
That's when Jimin finally snaps out of his trance, looks at his watch and realizes that he's going to be 10 minutes late to his civil law class.
“Shit,” he mutters to himself, but the words catch the attention of Jungkook who is putting his backpack over his shoulder. He starts walking straight towards the exit.
"All good?" Jungkook catches up to him until he walks next to him.
“I'm going to be late and Kang probably won't let me in to the class.”
“You can tell him you were at the student council meeting,” Jungkook says.
“I'm not on the student council,” Jimin laughs and walks a little faster.
Jungkook continues walking beside him as if it's something they do every day and this isn't like the sixth time they've spoken.
“I know that, dummy,” the boy rolls his eyes but doesn't seem annoyed, but rather a little amused. “But you can tell him that and when he asks me, I'll say you were there. Don’t worry,” he gently pushes her shoulder in a gesture that seems somewhat… playful and friendly?
Jimin blinks several times and all he can do is nod once, accepting the idea.
Jungkook smiles at him once again and Jimin doesn't believe he's seen his smile as many times as he's seen it today.
“Thank you,” he says as they stop in a hallway before his classroom.
“You're welcome,” Jungkook shrugs and looks up and down the halls before speaking again, perhaps making sure no one else can see them. Jimin doesn't understand if it's because he is embarrassed to be seen with Jimin or if maybe it's something else. “I just…I meant what I said before. If you ever need help with something or if a problem like that happens again, I can help or, if you don't want to do anything about it, I'm also a good listener,” the voice is soft and lower than it was a moment ago in the locker rooms and make him look nicer than he is.
What really makes Jimin freak out and run away is Jungkook's doe eyes. Big and shiny and so, so pretty and comforting. Soft, kind, the kind of look you get from a person who wants to hug you and tell you that everything is going to be okay.
“Sure, bye,” he says and walks quickly toward his classroom.
“See you later,” is the last thing he hears Jungkook says.
After Jungkook selected a black pen to take notes in his notebook, class continued without further interruptions. From time to time he felt Jungkook's curious gaze on him, but Jimin just ignored him and continued focused on the class, convincing himself that he was probably just imagining things.
When class ended, Jimin was the first to start packing his things to leave the auditorium and would have run for the exit if Jungkook hadn't tapped him on the shoulder.
“Is it okay if I keep your pen for the rest of the day and give it back to you when we have our next class?” Jungkook asked waving the pen in his hand. “I slept at my girlfriend's house last night and when I got up today it was too late so I didn't have time to check if I had all my stuff,” he laughs as he tells the story, the pen is still between his fingers and Jimin doesn't know where to look.
Of course, he's straight.
Jimin pats himself on the back to congratulate himself for not being stupid to think that Jungkook was looking at him because he was interested in him.
“Sure, man,” he responds, trying to sound like he's heard the other boys talk to each other. His voice doesn't sound as deep as others, but he thinks his Busan accent makes him sound a little tougher.
“Great, see you later?” Jungkook gives him a smile along with a small, quick hug that leaves Jimin frozen.
Despite knowing that Jungkook was straight and had a girlfriend, Jimin had mused all day that they could still be friends.
It was allowed, right? It didn't have to mean such a big deal.
A gay man could be friends with a straight man without being attracted to him. It doesn't matter that Jungkook is very pretty, Jimin is a person mature enough to have a friendship with a handsome person without developing romantic feelings for him. It is, he's friends with Kim Seokjin and he's never thought about kissing him or anything like that.
It didn't mean anything. Or at least it shouldn't, so he didn't understand why his palms got sweaty every time he thought about seeing Jungkook again.
They had not been found in the following days. Jungkook took classes in a different building than him, since he was studying architecture. The chances of running into him in the hallways were basically zero, his only chance to see him was during the workshop classes that the university forced all first years to take to promote “socialization.”
They were both taking the photography workshop, so they could only see each other on Wednesdays at 10:30 AM. That meant waiting a whole week to get a chance to talk to Jungkook.
Jimin had planned their entire interaction, he had practiced questions to ask Jungkook and had even thought of answers that he could give without sounding stupid.
He just had to wait for Wednesday to arrive and for Jungkook to sit next to him and talk to him to return his pen.
But that opportunity never came.
By the following Monday Jungkook was already a celebrity throughout the campus. According to the rumors he heard, he was the life of the party at the welcome meeting that the student council had organized for all the first years. Jimin had been invited but preferred to stay home, he felt too intimidated to go to a party alone and full of strangers since Hoseok had a dance competition that he couldn't miss and Jin was out of town because he had gone on a vacations trip with his parents.
Apparently Jungkook knew how to have fun and a lot of people had been impressed with how handsome he was, so it was only a matter of a couple of days for him to become the most famous person in SNU.
When Wednesday arrived at 10:30 AM, Jungkook had sat in the first rows and was surrounded by a bunch of people who were chatting animatedly with him, asking him details about the party and how many people he kissed. The boy, who was not the least bit shy, talked happily with everyone.
He never returned the pen.
Jimin thought it was probably for the best, the universe had acted for a reason.
Rumors about Jungkook's sex life were something of a daily occurrence.
There are always new details about the things he did or the girls he slept with, all of them talking about the good shit Jungkook knows how to give and how he makes them breakfast the next morning and gives them a kiss on the forehead before they leaves his apartment.
That's an important point: Jungkook doesn't do formal relationships, he says that he's not ready to commit to anyone, that he's only interested in casual sex and he always makes that very clear to the girls he sleeps with.
You may be lucky enough to sleep with him more than once, but Jeon Jungkook doesn't have girlfriends.
Again, it seems like a good sign from the universe that Jimin isn't friends with Jungkook.
The signs have been there since the first time he saw him, it's not a good idea for Jimin and Jungkook to be friends.
It would end with Jimin having a crush on him and Jungkook having to politely reject him.
So Jimin doesn't understand why he can't seem to get rid of Jeon Jungkook now.
He is everywhere, he sees him all the time.
Jimin thinks he's going crazy.
Maybe it was inevitable, that Jungkook would talk to him again to ask if he was okay or maybe just to talk to him and find out how things were going, he would probably be nice enough to buy him a coffee while telling him that he could trust him if he needed help with what happened with Seungmin. After all, Jungkook is the president of the student council and he is always very aware of when someone is having a bad time on campus.
He expected it, he had mentally prepared himself for it.
But this… this is different.
It starts with a text.
UNKNOWN NUMBER | 12:25 PM
hey, the student council and a couple of other people are going to meet at a bar next Friday, would you like to go with us?
it's jeon jungkook, by the way ^^
He had thought about what to answer for hours and hours. Jimin even thought that maybe it was a prank from Seungmin, but by discreetly asking one of his classmates, he discovered that it was really Jeon Jungkook's number.
PARK JIMIN | 09:39 AM
how do you have my number ?
JEON JUNGKOOK | 12:25 PM
oh thank god you replied
i thought i texted the wrong number lmao
you're not particularly an invisible person, you know? i usually have to ask 3 or 5 people to get someone's number, but with you I only had to ask one person and I got it right away
it seems like everyone knows the handsome blonde guy who studies law
so… do you want to go? :)
For obvious reasons, Jimin didn't respond.
He can't afford this. He doesn't want to get involved with Jeon Jungkook, he knows where it would end up and he doesn't want to break his heart once again over something that has no future.
It's best to just ignore it and let Jungkook think Jimin is a lost cause.
Except, of course, Jungkook is not a person who gives up easily.
Jimin should already know, so he doesn't know why he's so surprised when he finds Jungkook in front of him in the library while he was sitting at a table studying.
"Hey,” the boy says with a smile.
It's brilliant and captivating, as always.
"Hello".
“I was wondering if you got my message a few days ago,” Jungkook drags the chair in front of Jimin and sits down, continuing to talk as he opens his backpack and starts pulling out books and study notes. “I didn't get an answer, so I thought maybe you hadn't received it or my internet was going down,” he explains.
Jimin blinks, perplexed.
“Oh, yeah, hmm… I got it, but I don't really go to bars,” he tries to sound friendly, but he doesn't know why he thinks he sounds like a robot when he talks. “But thanks for the invitation, you are… very kind,” he smiles.
Jungkook frowns and opens one of his books.
“I thought you did go to some of them?”
Oh sure.
The queer bar.
“I don't go to bars with people I don't know.”
“So what do you do with people you don't know?”
“I... study with them?”
"Brilliant. I can do that,” he says with another beaming smile as he highlights something from his textbook.
From there it's almost impossible to get Jungkook to stay away from him.
He's in his text messages or his study times in the library, sometimes in the cafeteria and other times outside his classroom waiting for Jimin to be free to ask him a dumb question that makes him laugh, then Jungkook will disappear for a couple hours until he finds him again “randomly” somewhere in the building where Jimin takes classes.
Jungkook is cute.
But, even though it makes his heart flutter with excitement that Jungkook is giving him all of his attention, at the same time it makes him feel like he's being watched. There's that voice in his head that keeps insisting that maybe Jungkook is just being nice to him because he feels sorry for what happened with Seungmin.
Or maybe he feels sorry because Jimin is gay and people don't take him seriously.
Or maybe he feels sorry because Jimin doesn't have as many friends as him.
Or maybe it's a favor the professors asked him as student council president, what if a professor saw him a little down these days and thought the best solution was to send him a friend?
Or, even worse, what if…
“Stop thinking,” Hoseok claps his hands in front of him to snap him out of his own thoughts. Jimin blinks in confusion, he had forgotten that he was having lunch with Hoseok and Jin at his favorite restaurant. “You've been really thoughtful for days, huh, what's going on with you?”
“Not to mention that you are always looking at your phone as if you were waiting for someone's message,” Jin adds as he cuts the meat on his plate.
“It's not true,” he tries to defend himself but the look on Hoseok's face tells him that he better not try.
Jimin shrugs.
“Has he bothered you again?” Hoseok asks softly, taking his hand and caressing it.
There it is again. His friends think that he is weak and that he cannot defend himself.
Will Jungkook think the same? Maybe that's why he's so desperate to talk to Jimin all the time, even though it's mostly Jungkook doing the talking and Jimin just listening.
Jimin moves his hand away and massages his neck.
“You can stop with it, I can defend myself.”
“No one thinks otherwise, Jimin,” Jin says with a raised eyebrow, seeming confused by his friend's choice of words. “An aggressor doesn't stop being an aggressor just because you can defend yourself, sometimes you don't even win with all the strength in the world.”
“No…” he tries to explain but he sees the look of his two friends and Jimin really doesn't want to ruin the night, so he just sighs and tries to keep the annoyance away from him. “It's not about that, Seungmin hasn't spoken to me again or said anything to me. Calm down, dads.”
Hoseok smiles and seems to perk up immediately.
Jin still seems undecided whether to believe him or not.
“So what's been ruining your mood these days?”
“I think someone wants to approach me out of pity,” he confesses.
“Now, why would you say that, Jimin?” Hoseok is the first to complain and throw a dirty napkin at him, Jimin laughs when it lands in his face. “You're funny, kind and smart, a lot of people want to be friends with you, you're just too thick to realize it.”
“No, I'm serious!” He insists. “We've never spoken more than about five times in the entire time we've known each other and now it seems like he's after me all the time. And it was all from what happened with Seungmin!”
“Wait, are we talking about Jungkook?” Jin asks with his mouth full of food and Hoseok slaps him on the chest, muttering “gross.”
"Yeah?"
“Jeon Jungkook is a good boy, he wouldn't do something like that,” Jin says once he's swallowed the meat. “I know him through mutual friends, he is very kind and likes to be around people but he is also very selective, he doesn't hang out with people he doesn't really like,” he explains.
"But…"
Hoseok immediately cuts him off to say, “Maybe he’s a very empathetic person and realized you’ve had it tough, Jiminie. But that doesn't mean his interest has to be fake. Think about it.”
Jimin really wants to argue, he has thousands of reasons to retort and tell his friends that they're wrong, that there really is something strange about all of this, but he doesn't.
He continues eating until he forgets that there is a message from Jungkook in his unread tray.
There are times when he thinks Jungkook is looking at his lips.
It doesn't happen very often and most of the time Jimin thinks he's seeing wrong, but the thorn stays there.
He's asked around and he's also listened without asking, Jungkook still attends all the good parties on campus and still sleeps with girls. He apparently has never been interested in any guy, but he has never been rude about it.
Sohee, one of his classmates, had told him about the time a boy tried to kiss Jungkook in the middle of a party because he thought he was interested in him.
“I swear, I felt so sorry for him,” she looks over at Jimin with a pout on his face. They are both walking to the library to look for a book for their next class. “I heard that Jungkook had been playing the bottle game with a large group of people, so this boy got to kiss Jungkook and he accepted laughing. They told me it wasn't anything big or spectacular, it was just a kiss for about five seconds and voila, Jungkook started laughing and that was it. But..." She takes his arm and drags him towards an almost empty hallway, she turns to look at both sides to see that there is no one nearby and lowers her voice more so that no one hears her. "They say that this boy, Jonah, was left completely fascinated by that kiss and he was behind Jungkook the whole night. They were dancing together but not really because there were more people around them, but then the boy grabbed Jungkook by the shoulders, looked at him intently and then kissed him there in front of everyone, muak!” Sohee high fives her hands causing an applause and Jimin laughs at how expressive she is.
"And then?"
“Jungkook gently pulled him away from him, wiped his mouth, gave him a hug, and whispered something to him while patting his back, so kind!” Sohee squeals. “No one listened because of the loud music but the boy came out crying and Jungkook just shrugged saying that he wasn't interested in him and that he felt sorry that he had given him the wrong impression.”
Jimin felt a little easier knowing that when Jungkook rejects him, he would at least be nice to him.
He also feels a little sorry for the boy, Jonah, because Jimin has been exactly the same thinking that a straight boy is interested in him only to later find out that it was all inside his head. He's glad that at least Jungkook is gentle enough to not get upset with him for kissing him without his consent.
But, despite knowing that Jungkook isn't interested in being with boys, he still feels those doe eyes sometimes staring at his lips while he talks.
It's not like he can ask anyone if they think Jungkook is even slightly interested in him, since they almost always see each other alone.
Another reason why Jimin doesn't quite trust the other boy's intentions.
Even in the library, Jungkook insists that he has a study room reserved just for the two of them, Jimin tells him that they can study perfectly in the common areas of the library, but Jungkook just laughs and says that he can't concentrate with so many people around.
And then in the hallways Jungkook will only wave his hand at him in greeting, but he never talks to him or approaches him like he does when they're texting or at the library.
It's still weird.
Jimin shouldn't blindly trust him.
He shouldn't open up and be vulnerable with him, but it's all the little things they talk about when they're alone or when Jungkook rubs his back or ruffles his hair, when he texts him to remind him to eat, that make Jimin love Jungkook the way he shouldn't.
And maybe that's why when Jimin comes to “THE SINNERS ROOM” to look for a connection and distract his mind, all he can think about is that they're not Jungkook and that he doesn't want them.
It is when he has already drunk three beers that he admits that he would like that Jungkook be here and caress his neck like he usually does when he notices that Jimin is already tired from so much time studying in the library.
He believes that it is a sign from the universe when he receives the messages.
JEON JUNGKOOK | 11:38 PM
hey cutie, i know it's late but are you busy?
i'm like SUPER bored for a thursday night
i was wondering if you wanted to watch a movie with me on Skype, i think it could be fun
i'm so desperate that i'll even let you choose it
PARK JIMIN | 11:39 AM
yeah, i would like that, just
i'm in a bar right now
it will probably take me half an hour to get home ?
JEON JUNGKOOK | 11:42 PM
wow, park jimin at a party and me at home?
tables have turned lmao
where are you
PARK JIMIN | 11:43 AM
i don't think it's your kind of place tbh
JEON JUNGKOOK | 11:43 PM
why?
PARK JIMIN | 11:43 AM
it's a bar for queer people
JEON JUNGKOOK | 11:44 PM
can i go?
PARK JIMIN | 11:44 AM
i mean, sure, but
they're really not your kind of people, Jungkook
JEON JUNGKOOK | 11:45 PM
send the address, i'll be there
is there any dress code or is looking fucking hot enough?
Jimin could ignore the message, he could pretend he never read it or go straight home and reply to Jungkook that he had already left the place.
There are many ways to avoid something that Jimin knows can only end in tragedy.
And yet, he sends the location to Jungkook and locks his phone immediately, too scared of what's going to happen.
He blames the four beers he's already drank and blames the fact that there's no one attractive in the room to catch his eye (none look even remotely like Jungkook).
Jimin also blames his imagination for making him see things that are not.
He just hopes he doesn't humiliate himself and that Jungkook doesn't hate him by the end of the night.
Jungkook takes longer than Jimin thought he would.
It is good and bad at the same time. Good because it gives him time to think about what he's going to say to Jungkook once he sees him in front of him; bad because he overanalyzes things more and because he is getting closer to ordering more beers to get drunk and blame alcohol for all his bad decisions.
Jimin has great stamina with drinks, he doesn't get drunk easily and four beers certainly doesn't make him the least bit sloppy, he still looks normal, just a little less nervous. However, it makes him want to go to the bathroom and wash his face just to make sure any trace of alcohol is there, but he's wearing makeup.
Damn, will Jungkook notice that he's wearing makeup? What will he think of him?
He only put on a little concealer and eyeshadow, plus his lip gloss, but still, will it be too much to bear?
It is possible that…?
"Hey, are you alone?"
Jimin is immediately surprised when he hears a very familiar voice behind him, smiling when he sees him.
"Is that a philosophical question or a literal one?"
Jungkook laughs and maybe it's the two cans of beer Jimin drank tonight, but he can't deny that the boy in front of him looks beautiful when he laughs.
Or always, if Jimin allows himself to be honest.
Even though right now, he looks so handsome that Jimin knows he wants him, he doesn't care how much his own mind is screaming at him that it's a bad, bad idea.
"It sounded like something philosophical, right?" Jungkook takes a sip from his glass that probably contains alcohol, which means he's already been here for a couple of minutes if he could have ordered a drink before coming to talk to him. "But no, it's a question that's more along the lines of 'you look incredibly sexy' and 'can I buy you a drink?'"
“No,” Jimin responds immediately and Jungkook blinks in confusion, Jimin swallows nervously and speaks again, “I mean, it's an open bar, you're not actually buying anything.”
"Damn, is it always so hard to flirt with a guy or is it just you who are too smart for me?"
Jimin laughs and lowers his head, a little embarrassed.
Again, his hands shake and he feels his palms sweating. Jungkook is too close but at the same time so far away.
He wants to touch him, he wants to be close to him, he wants to inhale the rich perfume that he always carries everywhere.
Jimin thinks that there is a possibility that Jungkook also wants the same thing, that maybe that's why he's here.
"Wanna dance?"
He's not sure who's asking, if it was him or Jungkook.
He thinks maybe it was Jungkook who asked because he's the one who takes his hand and drags him to the dance floor where there aren't many people dancing. This bar is usually quite busy on weekends, but not so much during the week. On Fridays and Saturdays you can't be on the dance floor without feeling bodies colliding with you again and again, it's fun and it's also a good excuse for when you want the person in front of you to be as close as possible.
Jimin now doesn't have that excuse and doesn't know how to hint that Jungkook can put his hands on him if that's what he wants. His hands itch to touch Jungkook's small waist or caress his face, but he doesn't know what to do.
“I'm not a great dancer,” Jungkook leans close to his ear so he can hear him.
His tongue briefly touches Jimin's ear, making him shiver.
“Me neither,” he responds quickly.
Jungkook laughs and approaches him again: “I thought you told me that you had practiced dance a few years ago, before taekwondo, remember? Because sometimes you go with your friend, Hobi, to dance at competitions,” he tells him.
That's the thing with Jungkook, it seems like he always listens to whatever Jimin says. He is always aware of what he does, says or needs. Sometimes it seems like he knows him better than Jimin knows himself.
“Oh, yes but, it's not the same here. In the studio you have a choreography and you know the song before, here you have to…” Jimin hesitates for a moment, searching for the right word. It gets harder to think when Jungkook moves closer to him and has one hand hovering over Jimin's waist. He is there, close, but he does not touch him. Jimin doesn't know what he's waiting for, doesn't he realize that Jimin is desperate for his touch? “Feel the music,” he finally says, swallowing hard and looking away from Jungkook's dark eyes.
He looks hungry.
"Yeah?" He asks, Jimin biting his tongue to keep from moaning when Jungkook's firm hand finally grabs him by the waist. “And what do you feel Jimin?”
They are facing each other, Jungkook's thumb caresses him and with how much Jungkook has gotten closer to him, Jimin's hands have remained on Jungkook's chest and he is dying to touch but at the same time he is so afraid of ruining everything.
That once again, this hurts his heart more than it would heal it.
Jimin wants, he wants and wants.
But he can't.
“I have to pee,” Jimin says and roughly pushes Jungkook to make him loosen his grip on his waist.
He goes straight to the bathroom and locks himself in one of the small rooms.
He still hears the music, he can hear the sound of someone doing something not so innocent in the place next to him and his head buzzes a little.
Clearly this was a terrible idea.
Jungkook has probably already gone to his house and will never speak to him again.
It feels like he's only been locked in the bathroom for a few seconds, but he believes he's actually been here for several minutes.
When he finally comes out and washes his face, no longer caring that his makeup is ruined, Jungkook is outside waiting for him.
He smiles kindly at him and Jimin thinks he doesn't deserve the man in front of him, he wants to cry from shame.
“Are you sure you had to pee? You were there for a good fifteen minutes, I was starting to think maybe you had diarrhea, you know?” Jungkook teases, playful as always.
It doesn't seem like he hates him.
“Gross,” he grumbles and walks towards a table, Jungkook following behind him.
“Hey, are you okay?” Jungkook catches up to him and grabs his arm to stop Jimin from walking (or running away from him) any further.
"Sure, have you tried the special drinks here yet? Some are a little strong but I'm sure you can handle it," Jimin speaks so fast that he's almost sure you can't understand a word. He's avoiding Jungkook's gaze because he's still embarrassed to run away once again.
"Jimin," he interrupts. "We're ok?"
“I think so," Jimin admits quietly.
Suddenly, Jungkook gets too close to him. Not only are they face to face but they are basically breathing the same air. It only takes a little push from one of the two for the inevitable to happen.
So that they both get what they have been begging for.
"So, can I kiss you?" Jungkook whispers and it's like the world stops. Jimin wants nothing more than to accept.
“I don't think… Jungkook, this isn't a good idea,” Jimin says, his voice shaking.
"Please, please, let me have you, please."
And Jimin does it.
He finally accepts.
Jimin becomes obsessed with the way Jungkook tastes.
His kisses act like a drug on Jimin's body since the first time their lips touched. It is obscene. The kiss makes him shiver, feels like he floats every time Jungkook bites his lip while he holds him by the neck.
He had always wondered about the way Jeon Jungkook fucks with his partners. He's imagined it a couple of times with one hand in his underwear and all the lights in his room off, convincing himself the next morning that he wasn't doing something as primitive as masturbating thinking about his very straight friend (or at least that's what he believed at that time).
That is to say, Jungkook is always kind and helpful to everyone, Jimin believed that he could be the same in bed.
Maybe he liked to please his partners in the most pleasurable ways there are? He probably liked doing all the work, it could be that Jungkook preferred to fuck them with their hands tied so they wouldn't think about anything but his cock.
Would Jungkook like foreplay?
What if he's a complete softie who lets his classmates choose what to do and he just follows orders like a good boy?
Will he like the aftercare?
So many questions and Jimin didn't have any clear answers. The stories of Jeon Jungkook's sexual escapades that are told in the hallways are diverse for all the girls, you could take a census to try to get an answer to how Jungkook prefers sex and you probably does not get a clear answer.
And the thing is, Jimin would accept anything that comes from him.
Hard or soft, wet or dry, fast or slow.
He wants it all.
Jimin hasn't had much of a choice when it comes to sex with his partners. It almost always has to be hard and fast because bar alleys are not the best option to let yourself be carried away by time and love and pamper your partner. Also, since he's never had a boyfriend, Jimin doesn't know much about intimacy with your partner or about trying new things that require a lot of trust.
In a short summary of his pathetic sex life: Jimin is used to being used. But hey, don't feel sorry for him, sometimes it's nice to just take what they give you, other times it can be too much, but Jimin has never been good at setting boundaries.
Jimin doesn't expect anything from how Jungkook is in bed.
“Can I please suck your cock? I’m dying to know the way you taste, Park Jimin” and Jimin could actually laugh at the irony.
He is perplexed, of course. The truth is that Jimin has never had his cock sucked. He is a virgin at it if you want to think it like that.
And it's funny because Jimin is an expert at sucking them, he loves the weight of a cock on his tongue and he likes feeling his mouth full. But yeah, no one has ever offered and it's a big surprise when Jungkook, a guy who until ten minutes ago still thought he was straight, offers to suck him while he admits that he's thought about it before.
Maybe he stays thinking for a long time because Jungkook gets a little restless, he stops his movements and looks into his eyes, he's beautiful with bitten lips.
“I know this would be my first time, but I'll make up for it with enthusiasm, okay?” He laughs as he caresses his face. “I've been thinking that I could make you come just from my mouth, so I want to do it. I just need you to direct me if I'm doing something you don't like, so can I?” Jungkook asks.
Jimin thinks it's very nice of Jungkook to ask if he can do something when Jimin's body basically belongs to him right now. With the way he trembles when Jungkook puts his hand down his pants and strokes his cock, he shouldn't feel the need to ask if Jimin wants to.
He would accept anything right now.
It's probably his only chance, right? Maybe Jungkook is just horny and knows that Jimin would accept it quickly, that he wouldn't put up much resistance if he asked nicely.
Everything that happens next feels so good that Jimin hates himself for not being able to remember everything in more detail.
Jungkook sucks his cock and is spectacular at it, despite it being the first time for both of them. He feels so good that Jimin understands why all the men are so obsessed with it.
He comes, just like Jungkook wanted, so embarrassingly fast and hard that Jimin thinks he'll never be able to get the image of Jungkook's face stained with cum with a proud, smug smile out of his mind.
Then Jungkook fucks him like no one has ever fucked him and Jimin enjoys it like this is the only time he's going to have this. He doesn't think about how wrong it is or how much he will regret it the next morning. All that's on his mind right now is how incredibly good it feels when Jungkook's cock hits his prostate.
He becomes addicted to Jungkook with just one taste.
Right now all he can think is Jungkook, Jungkook, Jungkook.
Jeon fucking Jungkook.
The events of the previous night buzz loudly in his mind the next morning when he wakes up in a bed that isn't his and in clothes that are too big for him.
It takes him a couple of minutes to understand that he's not in his apartment and that these aren't his clothes. He wonders why.
Oh, right... At some point between the blowjob and the kissing, Jungkook invited him to spend the night at his house to, in his words: “Fuck you comfortably, my back is going to kill me tomorrow if we have sex on a wall and the truth is that I can't stand the smell of this bathroom.”
He hears a noise in the other room, which he thinks may be a kitchen because of the sound he hears from a blender, and he gets out of bed looking for his clothes that have his phone inside, when he finds them he quickly changes.
Will it be too late to run away without running into Jungkook?
Does Jungkook have a roommate? He's never asked, but he hopes that whoever is outside is someone else and not Jeon Jungkook, Jimin is too embarrassed to look at his face.
Of course, he's not so lucky.
“Hey, cutie, I thought I'd let you sleep a little longer,” Jungkook says as he glances at him from the corner of his eye from where he's cooking something in a frying pan, all Jimin can see right now is his back (bare, again) and this It feels like a kind of deja vu but not really. “You don't have class right now, so we have enough time for you to take a shower and then we can have breakfast. I made pancakes because I know you like it, I just forgot to buy whipped cream.”
Jimin blinks and feels the sting spread over his skin once more.
He hates that he didn't think of this. All the girls who have slept with Jungkook say that he makes them breakfast before sending them away with a kiss on the forehead.
Jimin does not want that last kiss.
“You didn't have to bother, Jungkook,” Jimin insists and runs a hand through his hair, trying to comb it out.
“It's not a bother, of course, Jimin,” Jungkook laughs and turns to put a pancake that's in the pan on a plate. “I love cooking for my friends.”
Friends, of course.
“I have a team meeting with some colleagues, I'm late and they are sending me hundreds of messages, so…”
“Oh, you didn't tell me anything about a teamwork?” Jungkook frowns and sets the pan down on the now-turned-off stove. “Do you want me to take you wherever you need to go?”
“No, no, no, you don't have to do any of this,” Jimin laughs, nervously. “It's at the library, I'll just order an Uber and I'll be there in a couple of minutes. Don't worry".
“Then you can have breakfast while you wait for your Uber.”
"I am very slow at eating.”
“Then I'll pack it for you and you can have your breakfast on the way. It's too late for you to not have anything in your stomach since yesterday," the tone of voice that Jungkook gives him does not leave room for an argument, so Jimin remains silent and accepts the tupperware that Jungkook gives him with pancakes perfectly cut and with strawberries and honey on top, he sticks a purple post-it on top of the tupper and Jimin ignores all the thoughts that come to his mind when he sees the heart drawn on it.
When he leaves the apartment, the kiss Jimin was so afraid of finally arrives.
But Jungkook doesn't give it to his forehead. Instead, he takes him by the chin and kisses him softly on the lips, murmuring “see you later” as a farewell.
Jimin's heart beats hard and he doesn't understand why he wants to cry so badly.
Things with Jungkook change from one moment to the next and Jimin pretends that they don't mean anything, but he knows they do.
Clearly sex becomes something Jimin can't say no to.
He tries, he really does. At first, at least.
He thinks that what they had that night is all, that it ended there and that all that remains are his vague, blurry memories of how good he felt that night with Jungkook and how loved and protected he felt in his arms while he pushed deep in him.
But then, when Jimin is leaving one of his classes, he sees Jungkook waiting for him outside the classroom and motions for him to follow him. Which, of course, Jimin does. When Jungkook grabs his wrist and drags him into an empty office, he leads him to the wall and kisses him, Jimin is too weak to pull away.
“I'm sorry for not asking if I can kiss you, but I've been dying all day for a kiss,” Jungkook confesses, holding him by the waist and playing with his hair. Jimin could fall asleep right here.
“It's okay, you don't have to ask,” he says.
He has never said anything as true as those words.
Jungkook smiles and kisses him again.
And of course, with kissing in the game, sex was basically inevitable, so technically all the pain in his chest is Jimin's own fault.
They fuck many times.
So many times that Jimin can list all the things he loves about sex with Jungkook:
1. The way Jungkook laughs when he comes
It's something he learned to notice after a lot of effort, Jungkook is a little embarrassed that he can't help but laugh when he comes, so he tries to hide it, but sometimes, when pleasure clouds his mind, he just lets it out. Jimin insists between kisses that he is too adorable and that he loves it.
It takes a while (and a few blowjobs) to convince Jungkook otherwise and Jimin thinks he finally believes him when Jungkook no longer cares about hiding it.
2. The fact that Jungkook always makes sure to clean up both of them once they're done
Jimin hadn't realized that, in almost all of his sexual encounters, he usually had to clean himself until he got home. The cum always stayed dry on his skin or the rest of the lube felt uncomfortable on his butt, but with Jungkook he never feels uncomfortable once he wakes up.
He never realizes it, but the next morning he is always clean and in fresh clothes because Jungkook, even when he is very tired, never forgets to go to the bathroom and get towels to clean them.
3. The long kiss that he always gives him while he thrusts into him
It doesn't matter if Jungkook is really horny and all he wants to do is be inside Jimin, Jungkook always makes sure to open him up wide and use enough lube to not hurt him. Sometimes, even with good preparation, it still hurts a little, but Jungkook distracts him with that long, soft, deep kiss that's enough to make Jimin's mind go blank.
It is surprising that Jungkook, being a man who has primarily had heterosexual sex, is more educated in anal sex than Jimin himself.
4. The fact that Jungkook always asks if Jimin wants to be with him
Jimin could practically be on top of his lap, completely naked and open himself with his fingers and Jungkook would still ask if he's sure he wants to have sex with him.
Jungkook never assumes what Jimin wants, at least in sex, he always makes sure that he doesn't do something he doesn't want.
Once, Jimin dared to ask why he does it.
“Human decency,” Jungkook laughs and strokes his hair. They are lying on Jungkook's bed and Jimin's head lies on his chest. “Sex can cloud the mind sometimes, you may think you want something because it feels good, but maybe you're not totally comfortable with what you're doing. I like to make sure that no one will regret anything they do with me the next morning,” he places a kiss on the back of Jimin’s neck and tells him that they have to sleep because it’s pretty late.
Jimin might laugh.
5. Jungkook never, ever makes him feel like he's being used.
The sex is amazing, sure, but the real change in their relationship is in all the little details.
Jungkook still comes to the library during Jimin's study hours, but now he doesn't look for any excuse to be there. Before he would always say something like “I had to come get a book and I saw you by chance so I came to say hello” or “A classmate forgot his notebook and I came to deliver it, I thought I'd stop by since I have a free hour.” Now, Jungkook lets Jimin know that he's coming because he wants to be there.
Lunch in Tupperwares becomes a routine every Wednesday, since Jungkook's first class starts at 10:30 AM, so it gives him enough time to prepare a delicious breakfast that Jimin has once mentioned that he likes. Or sometimes he even texts him to ask him what he wants for breakfast. On those Wednesdays when he falls asleep and doesn't have time to prepare anything, Jungkook buys him coffee and bread at Jimin's favorite coffee shop.
Even now, when Jungkook texts him to invite him over to his house, it doesn't always mean they have to do something sexual. When he arrives and finds food prepared for both of them, he knows that Jungkook doesn't feel like having sex and what he really wants is to spend time with him alone, so they usually talk and then watch a movie. They snuggle because Jungkook insists that he's always too cold and that Jimin's body is warm.
Jimin would think Jungkook was in love with him if it weren't for one small detail.
They are always alone.
Jungkook doesn't see him in the hallways on campus unless they are empty, he never asks him out to public places, Jimin doesn't know any of his friends and doesn't talk to him about them either, they always have to meet in an empty classroom. Jungkook doesn't even accompany Jimin to his apartment.
Jimin doesn't know if it's worse to think that Jungkook is ashamed of having sex with a man or that that man is Jimin.
The breaking point comes when, on their first damn outing in a public place, Jungkook's friends arrive at the place where they were going to eat.
A week ago, Jungkook had asked him if he was free to go eat at a new restaurant he wanted to try in the mall. Jimin, excited, told him that he was free and that he could go with him.
They met outside the place because Jungkook said it was a better idea.
As they walked towards his table, Jungkook wasn't as physical as usual. Jungkook usually couldn't keep his hands off Jimin, he always wanted to hug him, kiss him or just hold his hand. His touches always made Jimin feel special.
Now, he doesn't feel that way.
Jimin shrugs and walks towards the table the waitress assigned them.
After that, everything was going well, Jungkook was excited to pick out what to eat and occasionally played with Jimin's fingers while he told him how his classes were going and what the student council was planning for the end of the semester.
It happens so fast that Jimin can't even react, he just sees Jungkook staring at something behind him, perplexed. Jimin tries to turn to see what caused the sudden mood change and Jungkook doesn't let him, rushing to speak to get his attention.
"Why do not we leave?" He asks and has a smile on his face, but it looks tense and fake.
“We just got here, Kook and we already ordered the food.”
“Right, then I'll go pay it and see you outside, okay?”
“Jungkook, no…” Jimin tries to explain, but Jungkook looks frustrated as he gets up from his seat.
“Just do what I tell you, okay?” He orders and sounds tougher than the way Jungkook always talks to him.
Jimin feels bad again.
The only thing he does is nod and leave the place, preventing his tears from falling down his cheeks. He knew that this was not a good idea, that what they have is not a relationship and that he cannot demand things from Jungkook that he is not supposed to give.
They are only friends.
Friends who fuck, of course.
Maybe they're not even that close if Jungkook can't stand being in a public area with him.
He wonders what triggered Jungkook's sudden change in attitude until, through the windows of the place, he can see several people from the student council and the soccer team sitting at a round table and Kim Taehyung talking to Jungkook, who seems a little upset and who is saying something to him while paying for the food that is delivered to him on disposable plates.
Of course, Jungkook was afraid of being seen with Jimin.
When he comes out and tries to act like everything is fine, Jimin does the same.
He just smiles at him and doesn't ask what happened. Jungkook doesn't explain anything either, even though he's still nervous during the walk back to his house.
They eat and talk as if everything is fine, but once the food is finished and the plates and table have been cleaned between them, Jimin wants to leave the apartment.
“I think I better go home.”
“Aren't you staying tonight?” Jungkook asks and Jimin tries to convince himself that what's on Jungkook's face isn't disappointment or sadness.
“I'm tired,” he says with a shrug. “We can meet tomorrow, if you want,” he lies.
“Jimin, if this is because…” he tries to explain but Jimin reassures him with a quick kiss on the lips.
“We're fine, I'm just tired, okay?”
“Yeah, but still, we need to talk,” Jungkook hugs him around the waist.
Jimin promises himself that he shouldn't enjoy this.
"But not now".
“But we will.”
"Later".
"Later".
Jimin would like to think that lying doesn't come so easily to him.
“Seriously, hyung, if I wanted an encouraging advice I would have asked Hoseok,” Jimin hides his head in his arms, frustrated with Jin's answers.
His best friend just laughs and strokes his hair.
“I don't know what you want to hear, but I think you should talk to him before making a hasty decision,” Jin says softly.
The thing is that Jimin wants to end what he has with Jungkook.
He wants to end everything, pretend they never met and aren't friends. Just the way things were before.
“I don't think much will change if we talk about it.”
“If you feel so bad about the way things are now and you think there's no valid excuse for it, then maybe you should finish whatever you two have,” Jin sighs as he finishes speaking and makes Jimin look at him to the eyes. “But, Jimin, I really think you should talk to him and hear his side before making any decision. You’re not the only one who can get hurt, you understand?”
Jimin nods, but ignores Seokjin's warning.
Of course, Jimin chooses the most cowardly option.
He asks Jungkook to come to his apartment a couple of days later. They haven't talked much since the restaurant incident happened and even when they see each other, Jimin doesn't act like he always does. Jungkook always asks, but he insists that nothing is happening.
“I must accept that when you invited me to come to your place I was quite excited, you have never told me to come here,” is the first thing Jimin hears him say when he opens the door and lets him into the living room.
He now feels even more nervous.
“I didn't think you wanted to come,” Jimin admits, shrugs and watches as Jungkook is looking through Jimin's shelf of photos on the wall.
"Why not? I like knowing things about you,” Jungkook says vaguely as he holds up the photo of Jimin with his parents on his younger brother’s birthday. He smiles as he watches him. “You've always been adorable.”
Jimin wants to bury himself in five kilos of dirt just to escape this conversation.
“I think we need to stop this, Jungkook,” he blurts out the words, hoping Jungkook hates him enough to just leave the apartment and never see him again.
"Why?" Jungkook turns to continue looking at the photos, as if Jimin had said something casual to him.
Maybe Jimin means something casual to him.
“I don't think it's working,” is all Jimin says.
And there is a little truth in his words.
"Why?"
"There must be a reason?" Jimin's hands are in his pockets to prevent him from scratching his palms.
“Of course, you give me a good reason why you think we don't work out and I'll walk out that door and stop bothering you,” Jungkook turns and looks him straight in the eyes, taking small steps towards where Jimin is standing near a corner of the house.
Jimin feels cornered.
“I just… need space.”
"Did I do something wrong?" Jungkook asks with a soft voice, his body flinching. “I don't know how relationships should be like, Jimin. I have never been committed to a single person in a long time and I don't want to sound like a complete idiot but I didn't know if a homosexual relationship is the same as a boy-girl relationship. I'm sorry if I've been a bad boyfriend and I understand if you want to end things with me, but, if you give us the chance, we can work things out together, it doesn't have to end like this,” Jungkook holds his hands and his eyes are teary and Jimin doesn't know how to react to what he's telling him.
"Are we a couple?" Jimin asks, perplexed.
Jungkook frowns and lets go of Jimin's hands suddenly, scratching his head,
"We are not?"
“You never asked.”
“I thought it was implied!” Jungkook exclaims. “Like, I make you food and you always text me to remind me of things to do, I call you cute nicknames like baby and darling and we sleep together frequently, aren't those the kind of things a couple does?”
“Well yeah, but…” Jimin laughs at the confused look on Jungkook’s face. “You could have said something, to know we were both on the same page, you know?”
“So… you… don't feel the same?” Jungkook asks and seems really nervous to know Jimin's answer.
“I… I don't like feeling like a dirty secret, Jungkook,” he confesses.
“Oh, thank God, me neither,” Jungkook lets out all the air he had in his lungs and laughs.
“But, but,” Jimin frowns and smacks Jungkook’s chest, who complains of pain but continues laughing. “You're the one who always insists on being in places empty of people and then we had to leave the restaurant because your friends were there!”
“You're in the closet, how was I supposed to ask you to parade as my boyfriend through every hallway on campus?”
“I'm not in the closet.”
“You have told me hundreds of times that no one here knows that you are gay and that you were afraid of the situation with Seungmin, I thought it was because you didn't want anyone to find out that you were gay,” Jungkook takes a breath to continue talking, Jimin opens mouth but Jungkook puts his finger on it, indicating that he's not done yet. “And the whole restaurant situation, I swear it's not what you think. I didn't know how to handle things, I know you get anxious when you have a lot of people you don't know around you and I knew that if my friends saw us they would start attacking you with hundreds of questions about us and sometimes Taehyung can really be a handful, so I wanted to save you from it, so I didn't think much about it. I’m sorry, once again,” Jungkook explains, regret and sorrow seen on his face.
Jimin doesn't like seeing him like this, so he takes his face in his hands and kisses him softly, Jungkook, of course, follows the kiss.
“I'm not in the closet, I... I don't know how to handle things and I'm not good with relationships either, so I'm also sorry for being a terrible boyfriend who couldn't even notice that we were dating,” they both laugh and Jungkook walks over him again for another kiss.
“So… can I tell everyone we're dating?” Jungkook asks, a little excited about it.
“It's better that we take it easy, I still have a lot of things to work on and explain a lot to you,” Jimin bites his lip, nervous about how Jungkook might react, but the other boy seems really understanding and leaves another kiss on his cheek.
“Baby steps, then.”
“Baby steps, please.”
But at last they will meet
we will meet, love,
and the world will be round
towards out heart.