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The night spanned dark above his head as the neon lights from the shop fronts and bars glared into his eyes. He pulled his hood on and ducked his head. Hands in his pockets, with no destination in sight, Jungkook was walking through the streets. Shoulders bumping into the people walking the other way, getting weird glances.
But none of that really mattered right now.
All the others were back at the club, enjoying their night out.
Seokjin would be dancing with his crazy moves to make everyone laugh and still he would attract someone at his side who liked a wild soul like Jin. Yoongi would be smiling at the table, holding a drink in hand, most likely whisky. Maybe the others would get him onto the dancefloor, he would fight it, but in the end he’d have fun. Namjoon had probably toppled over a glass or two already, but everyone would simply hug him for it. Taehyung would try to out-dance Hoseok, but they all knew Hobi had the moves.
And Jimin.
Jimin would be there dancing and having fun too. He was naturally good at it. The way he moved his body, in his cropped cardigan, showing just the right amount of skin. Attracting all the attention. Maybe he’d leave home with a guy.
Jungkook shook that thought out of his head. It had been painful enough to see Jimin dancing with someone else yet again when all he would’ve wanted to do was to go there and put his arms around Jimin’s shoulders, lean against him, let the music take them. But he was a coward.
So he had left without saying a word, they wouldn’t notice anyway.
A group of people burst out of a bar, forcing Jungkook to swerve. He nearly stumbled onto the pavement from the sudden movement. He’d only had a couple drinks so he knew he wasn’t drunk. But he was hazy enough from everything crashing and colliding inside his head that he didn’t even notice his feet.
It hadn’t always been like this. They had been friends for years. Jungkook had always admired Jimin. Jimin had always been there for him and Jungkook hoped he was the kind of friend who had been there for Jimin too. Sometimes he doubted it, he wasn’t the best to reciprocate any type of friendliness.
Maybe that was why it had taken time to notice it.
One night a couple months back Hoseok pointed out his love eyes. Jungkook denied it and everyone laughed at it, teasing him. He had avoided Jimin’s gaze.
It started a thought process that didn’t seem to have an ending.
Do I really look at him so much?
Do I look at him differently?
He’s important to me.
I love him.
I think I’m in love with him.
Am I?
Yes, he was.
Quietly and from afar. And that’s how it was supposed to be. It just got a little too tender at nights like these. Jungkook wasn’t used to recognising his feelings, naming them.
He stopped walking when the street led to a park. He sat on the bench, leaned his elbows to his knees and ran his hands through his face and hair.
***
“Where’s JK?”
“What do you mean, he was right here.”
“I can’t find him.”
“He was sitting at the table, but I went to get drinks.”
“He didn’t say anything?”
“No.”
“Fuck, where is he?”
“Jimin, wait, maybe he’ll text.”
“No, I have to find him.”
***
Jungkook sniffed his nose. His phone buzzed inside his pocket. Most likely their group chat where everyone always announced they’re home, where Jungkook rarely texted anything. It would be that late already, wouldn’t it.
The park felt peaceful, but it didn’t erase the feeling of having his heart slowly carved out of his chest.
“Jeon Jungkook!”
Jungkook whipped his head around towards the powerful shout. As beautiful as Jimin was, he looked fierce when he was angry. And Jungkook’s heart flipped around with his stomach.
He quickly turned away and dried his eyes before Jimin could see his pathetic state.
He heard the steps approaching.
“I’ve been looking for you for hours,” Jimin said, sounding frustrated. “Then I remembered you wanted me to download the app, in case you lost your phone, and it led me here. I’ve been trying to call and I’ve texted.” He plopped down next to Jungkook with a sigh.
“Sorry.” Jungkook dug out his phone to see that all the notifications were from Jimin and not from the group chat.
“Where did you disappear, huh?”
Jungkook felt Jimin’s hand rub against the back of his head, gentle, raining shivers down his spine. He closed his eyes to feel it more. To savour it even if he shouldn’t.
“One moment I’m dancing and second I thought I’d drag you there with me, but you were gone.”
“Sorry,” Jungkook repeated.
“What’s got into you lately?” Jimin asked, his voice softening. “I feel like you’ve been avoiding me.”
Had he?
After Jungkook had his revelation he was overly conscious about everything. About every glance, about every touch, about every hour he spent with Jimin.
“Nothing, I’m fine,” Jungkook said, but his throat was so close to choking up.
Jimin leaned forward, his face tilting into Jungkook’s view. He smiled. “You don’t look fine. Have you cried? Your eyes look puffy.” His fingers touched underneath Jungkook’s chin.
“Why’re you smiling then?”
“I wanted to dance with you. You never dance with me.”
“I dance with you.”
Sometimes.
Jimin slumped against the back of the bench. “Not the way I’d want you to.”
Jungkook glanced over his shoulder, but Jimin’s face was in the shadows. “What do you mean?” he whispered.
With a little laugh that sounded self conscious Jimin jumped up and held out a hand. “Come on, let’s go home.”
“What do you mean?” Jungkook asked again, but grabbed Jimin’s hand anyway, letting himself be pulled up.
Jimin used more force than necessary and Jungkook ended up colliding against him, ready to step back after he would’ve recovered from the shock of being so close, but soon he realised he couldn’t.
Jimin’s arms held around his waist.
Jungkook looked down between them where there was barely any space left. Then up to Jimin’s face, he was still smiling.
“Are you drunk?” Jungkook asked.
Jimin’s chest heaved with a few deep breaths, his eyes suddenly more determined. “I — I miss you when you’re not around.”
“Jimin.”
“I want to spend time with you, all the time. Which is difficult in practice, but that’s what I want.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I — I know we’re friends. And I know this might ruin it — “
“What are you talking about?”
“I thought you liked me the way I like you,” Jimin whispered.
Jungkook felt his heart stop. He blinked, the static sound in his ears numbing everything out.
“What?”
“Maybe I took it wrong.” Jimin shook his head a little and tried to laugh it off, stepping back, releasing the hold on Jungkook’s waist.
The cold seeped quickly to where Jimin’s hands had been searing Jungkook skin through his clothes. So Jungkook stepped forward out of instinct, chasing instead of running away.
“Took what wrong?”
“You’re all questions tonight,” Jimin laughed. “Why did you leave so suddenly?”
Jungkook tried to stare into Jimin’s eyes, but couldn’t for too long. “I sometimes feel like I don’t belong.”
“Bullshit. The real reason.” Jimin took a step to close the gap, Jungkook looked down again to see their shoes touching. “You’ve been weird after that one night.”
“What night?”
“You know what night.”
Jungkook shook his head, but love eyes in Hoseok’s voice echoed inside his mind.
“Do you love me?” Jimin asked, his voice now more gentle, stopping Jungkook’s world a second time in the last five minutes.
“I — I — “
“Because I love you and that night gave me hope — “
“But all the guys — “
“What guys?” Jimin frowned.
“At the club.” Jungkook bit his lip.
When Jimin didn’t say anything Jungkook had to look up at him again, only to find Jimin kept smiling like all of this was easy. Like he knew how this went when Jungkook had no clue.
“Are you jealous?” Jimin asked. “You love me. Hobi hyung has been right all along. You love me.”
And Jungkook was scared.
“Why do you look like a frightened bunny? Hm?” Jimin lifted his hand and brushed Jungkook’s hair back. With the touch Jungkook could breathe in again.
“I didn’t want to ruin our friendship,” he said quietly.
Jimin took a hold of Jungkook’s face. “Kookie, you could never ruin it.”
“But you just said — And what about the guys?”
“I haven’t been with anyone after that night when Hobi hyung — I couldn’t even try when I thought you felt the same way. Do you know how hard it’s been, pining over you for years and you don’t notice?” Jimin tried to look Jungkook in the eyes, his thumbs caressing Jungkook’s cheeks.
“I didn’t realise.”
“I didn’t know you didn’t realise.”
“I can be slow like that.”
“But I love that you’re slow like that. It makes you you.”
“Oh shit, I love you,” Jungkook breathed out, feeling how the weight of literal years trickled off his shoulders, leaving him shivering.
“I know.” Jimin leaned in to kiss Jungkook’s lips, barely there, feather light. “I know.”
“You just kissed me.”
“I did. And I’ll do it again — “ Jimin leaned in again for another peck. “And again — “ another, ”and again — and — “
Jungkook pulled him in for a proper kiss, hugging him close, slotting their mouths. They had been close before, they had shared a bed many times before, they had cuddled before. But nothing really compared to holding Jimin like this.
“Let’s go home,” Jimin said when he pulled back, his eyes half lidded and dreamy.
They tangled their fingers together — they were holding hands.
Jungkook’s brain was a few steps behind everything that had happened, but he followed Jimin.
As they walked, clearly towards Jimin’s apartment building (it was closer), things began piecing together inside Jungkook’s head. He looked at Jimin whose smile didn’t disappear, at their joined hands. He thought about his escape from the club after he felt loveless. After he felt like he didn’t have a way out of what he was feeling.
And then it turned around. Jimin came to find him, proving Jungkook’s thoughts were a treacherous thing. Confessing, reciprocating —
“Wait, you love me?”
Jimin burst out laughing. “Yes. I love you.”
“Where does that leave us?”
“To my place.”
“And then?”
“To yours.”
“And then?”
“Together somewhere.”
Jungkook breathed. The neons looked slightly softer.