Chapter Text
It was suspicious.
Zoro and Sanji had been dating for a while now, ever since they had finally gotten each other’s numbers after Zoro became a regular at his resturant. They surprisingly hit it off quite well, and had been dating for the past 6 months, even going as far as staying over for longer periods of time than just for a date, and thanks to that, Zoro had begun to notice a disturbing pattern.
Every weekend, like clockwork, Sanji would leave his apartment late at night, not returning into the early hours of the morning. The first few times it happened, Zoro thought nothing of it.
“Just an outing with friends,” Sanji had called it. Nothing more, nothing less, and Zoro was content with that, until more suspicious things began popping up.
At first, they were easily explained away instances, like some makeup powder on his wallet. No biggie, Sanji was a chivalrous kinda guy, so some of his friends were probably girls, right? But that’s all they were, friends, right? Thats what Zoro had hoped, but then more things started appearing around the apartment.
A magazine for dresses, some makeup left on the countertops, lipstick vials in the bathroom drawers, mascera, makeup remover, even a few hair extensions here and there.
Sanji was always the type to so firmly proclaim his masculinity, especially when it came under fire. He was a hot cook, and an even sexier fighter. He wore suits and smoked and even had some scruff on his chin, and plenty of hair in other places. He was as manly as an Old Spice commercial, so then why did it start to look like a girl lived here?
He knew Sanji was bisexual, sure, and nothing had challenged his loyalty before, but this was all getting to be a bit too much for Zoro. The cook had always been a flirtatious ladies man, kissing women’s hands and being a proud asshole about it, but still, Sanji had sworn, from the day that they decided to date that he was a very loyal man, but now? Zoro was starting to have his doubts.
The most damning evidence of all came like a lightning bolt to Zoro’s chest during laundry day.
It was buisness as usual as far as he could tell, Sanji was out at work at his resturant, All Bleu, and Zoro had woken up late on his off day at the blonde’s place, glared at the full laundry basket and decided to do something nice for his boyfriend that he loved so much, not that the curly browed idiot would appreciate it. So imagine his surprise as sorted the freshly dried laundry, calloused fingertips slowly pulling out a pair of deep blue panties, broken, fragile lace fraying at the edges as it lay in Zoro’s dumbstruck hands.
In that moment, Zoro could feel the way his heart began to shatter into tiny little pieces at the thought his boyfriend of 6 months had been cheating on him. How long had this even been going on? How many times had she been over to the apartment without his knowledge? What if he had met her at some point even?
No, he just couldn’t bring himself to believe it, even if he knew just about when it was happening. Fuck, why hadn’t he seen it sooner? He was always so jumpy when he left those nights, and he always carried a duffel bag with him! How could it have been any more obvious that his boyfriend was cheating?!
“Calm down…” He muttered to himself as he took a deep breath, thinking more about this situation.
He certainly didn’t want to break this all off without knowing at least who was so tempting to the blonde bastard that he went out of his way to cheat, or maybe Zoro was the side piece in this mess! Either way, he knew there was only a matter of time before Sanji found out that he knew about his little affair, so Zoro had to act fast.
Swiftly, he gathered up the laundry and tossed it back into the dryer, snapping a quick pic of the underwear for future evidence as he texted out a quick lie of an explanation to why he’d be gone for a little bit to Sanji before he swiped over to his most trusted contact and pressed the call button, impatiently tapping his foot as he waited for it to pick up.
“Nami.” He sighed when the call finally connected. “I’ve got a problem, can you come pick me up?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It had been a rough week for Sanji, especially with the shit that had been going on at his resturant. He’d gone through more cigs than normal and if he wasn’t careful, he was sure some grey would start sprouting into his blonde. Resturant life had its ups and downs, sure, but it was still proudly his dream, and thanks to his talented staff, he was able to have his weekends off which allowed him to indulge in one of his favorite stress relievers, not that he’d admit that to anyone.
Although he was saddened that work had dragged his lovely boyfriend out of the apartment for the weekend, he was kinda glad that he didn’t have to try and sneak his usual gear out like always, and this time, he had even had time to apply a base coat of foundation and properly do a skincare routine before he had arrived at the location of his biggest secret, a club with a bright pink neon sign that read, “Kamabakka”, and he smiled as he walked to the rear door of the building, entering with a code.
“Oh Sanji! You’re here early!” Greeted a tall, twig of a man from a dressing table as Sanji pushed the door open, turquoise eye-liner in hand as he applied it more than generously to his under eye.
“And with a full face of foundation already prepped?” Gasped another man sarcastically as he adjusted his wig. “I would wonder if you’ve broken up with that hunk, but if you had I’m certain your eyes would be puffier.”
“No, no, we’re still perfectly fine.” Sanji chuckled as he set his duffel bag by a locker. “He just got called out to work for the weekend, so I didn’t have to sneak out like usual.”
“Tsk, you still haven’t told him?” Sighed a queen with long, exaggerated lashes, a vibrant purple lipstick pushed up to his mouth as he stared long and hard into the mirror.
“No… I haven’t, Iva.” Sanji admitted, his shoulders falling into a bit of a slump as he pulled a bag of makeup out of his duffel and proceeded to take a seat at one of the mirrors, pulling his hair up as he did so and tying it back with a hair tie. “I mean, you’ve seen his pictures! He’s a really macho guy, goes to the gym and everything! We spar and he drinks beer and all the typical manly things, and I’m sure he thinks I’m a masculine guy too, so I’m just worried about what he’d say if he found out about… all this.”
“You say that like you’re ashamed!” The man with the eye liner scoffed, pulling out a bright red lipstick and waving it at Sanji accusingly.
“I’m not ashamed Bon!!! Well- I kind of am, but not of you guys!” Sanji exclaimed, throwing his hands up dramatically before reaching for his eyeliner. “I just… I’m worried he’ll break up with me over this.”
“Honey, if he’s gonna break up with you over your hobby, then he’s not worth being with!” Iva sighed as he gave his bright purple wig a few bounces, adjusting the hairline to be just right. “And that’s just that! You shouldn’t have to hide who you are or what you like, so I say tell him and if he breaks up with you for it, then good riddance!”
“Maybe you’re right…”
“Of course I am!” Iva scoffed, putting his hands on his hips. “Now buck up sugarplum, just worry about having fun tonight! He’s at work, so you can tell him when he gets off or whenever you feel you can have a nice sit down conversation with him!”
“Thanks Iva.” Sanji smiled softly, eyes flicking over to the picture of Zoro taped to his mirror. “You somehow always know what to say.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“And you’re sure he’s cheating?” Nami sighed, leaning on her steering wheel as she looked up at the flickering pink neon sign of the bar.
“Almost certain, I mean, I’ve been dating this guy for 6 months! He doesn’t wear girly underwear like that, so what else could it possibly be?” Zoro responded harshly from the passenger side, glaring daggers at Sanji’s liscence plate in the parking lot.
The two had followed him all the way here, luckily without him noticing and Zoro was simmering into a rage in the seat beside his best friend, mind racing with all the things Sanji could be saying to whatever girl he was cheating with. Did he compliment her beaty? Of course. Did he make her special meals and kiss her on the cheek? Oh for certain! Did he tell her he loved her more than anyone else in the world? Did he-
“Zoro, if you don’t calm down you might strangle the dirtbag on the spot without getting the evidence you need.” Nami warned with a soft pout. “And I am not bailing you out of petty assult charges again, even if it is deserved.”
“Yeah yeah, lets just, get in there and find the stupid bastard and his mistress.” Zoro snarled, stepping out of the car and slamming the door.
“If you dent it you pay for it!” Nami called out, earning an annoyed shrug from Zoro who headed inside the front door of the bar, his scowl as intense as ever.
“Oh my!” Greeted a stunning drag queen as Zoro entered, her smirk bright and eyes ever mischievous behind her ovsersized, pink-rimmed glasses. “Such a grumpy boy come to play with us tonight? Oh I do hope tonight’s show brightens up that cute face!”
“Hah?” Zoro grumbled, shrugging her off. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m just here to find my cheating bitch of a boyfriend.”
“Oh! How scandalous! Well, good luck then!” She cheered with a smile. “We have plenty of drinks to ease that kind of mood for afterwards!”
Zoro shrugged the queen off as he continued walking, finding a seat towards the back of the bar near the stage, already glaring around the room as he searched for that blonde bastard, though he saw not even a strand of the cook’s head.
“Anything yet?” Nami asked as she scooted herself into the seat next to Zoro, sliding him a beer.
“No, but he’s gotta be here somewhere.” Zoro mumbled, taking a generous gulp of the bitter liquid before turning his gaze over to a group of girls giggling in a corner. “So, who in here you think’s the mistress?”
“Honestly? I haven’t got a clue.” Nami sighed, giving her own glance around. “We’ll find him eventually.”
“Good evening my lovely candies!” A voice suddenly called from the stage as a drag queen in a shimmery purple dress waltzed up to the microphone, cheers errupting from the audience as she spoke. “Tonight we have a lovely lineup as usual for our performances, from our favorite drag daughter of mine Mr. Princess to Inazuma herself we’ve got plenty of laughs and love in store for you tonight!”
Zoro tuned out the rest of what she was prsttling on about, after all, he was here to catch his soon-to-be-ex in the act, not watch a drag show, as curious as he was about it in the back of his mind.
The show continued on, performance after performance with arguably way too mcuh glitter thrown about, but still Zoro hadn’t spotted Sanji once in the audience. Did he leave after seeing him? Zoro had to admit he did kind of stick out like a sore thumb in this kind of a place, even if he did have dyed hair and one ear pierced, it just wasn’t his usual scene as he sat sipping on his third beer of the night.
“And now please welcome to the stage, Mr. Princess!” The queen from earlier cheered out energetically, drawing Zoro’s absent attention to the stage as some cheesy pop song started playing, clearly another lip sync preformance.
A long, slender leg dipped into a hot pink, glittery heel peeked out from behind the curtain as the next drag queen began to take to the stage, her legs rather hairy and oddly familiar as Zoro’s steely gray eyes dragged up her body, admiring the frilly, rose colored dress that fluttered as she twirled around to the beat of the song. She was as agile as a balerina, which in heels that height was honestly quite impressive especially with the way those long, bouncy blonde curls of her wig sometimes swayed over her face, blocking her eyes as she dragged her glossy pink lips up to the microphone in a false seranade.
She seemed completely lost in the performance as she danced to her heart’s content, her lips entrancing and bold even among the scruffy beard and moustache prominently displayed among the makeup like it was all part of the look. Her lashes were long and glossy, like obsidian crystals as they peeked open to reveal stunning sapphire eyes that sparkled in the light of the stage. With a grand flourish she threw her head back in an impressive display of flexibility with a vertical split, the bangs of her wig flying back to reveal uniquely curly eyebrows before she dropped down to the ground, finishing the performance.
Curly… eyebrows?
Zoro nearly choked on his beer.
Mr. Princess stood with a bright smile on his face, graciously accepting tips with a flirty blow of a kiss as he looked around the room at the cheering audience, though he froze as he got to Zoro’s table, those sapphire eyes filling with dread and horror as a rosy blush burned beaneath his foundation, though his smile still stayed as those intense, terrified eyes locked with Zoro’s equally surprised gray ones.
With a polite, quiet wave “Mr. Princess” gave the audience one final, big blow of a kiss before hurrying backstage much faster than any of the other sets before her had.
“Sanji’s a drag queen?!” Nami exclaimed through a whisper, staring at Zoro in sheer bewilderment.
“First I know of it!” Zoro hissed back, unsure of what to do now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh SHIT!
Sanji rushed backstage as fast as he could, nearly slipping on his heels as his hands fisted themselves into his dress. His chest heaved as he gasped and he swear his makeup was running from how hard he was sweating from the sheer terror of it all.
“Woah, woah, woah there sugarplum!” Iva gasped, grabbing onto his shoulders with a worried look on her face. “Honey what’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost even under all that foundation! Is everything okay?”
“He’s here.” Sanji barely was able to wheeze out, tears already bubbling up. “He’s here and he looked so angry oh my god hes HERE.”
“Slow your roll there girl, calm down. Deep breaths honey.” Iva spoke, patting Sanji’s shoulders in a soothing motion as she walked the cook through some breathing exercises until he had calmed down. “Alright now spill, who’s here? Do I gotta kick somebody’s ass?”
“Its my boyfriend!” Sanji gasped out, his eyes still full of panic.
“Oh? OH.” Iva exclaimed with a gasp, before peeking out into the audience, spotting Zoro’s fuzzy head immediately. “Do you think he recognized you?”
“No idea!” Sanji squeaked, already taking his wig off as he desperately tried to de-drag. “And I don’t want to know! God he probably hates me now if he did recognize me!”
“Hey now!” Cooed Iva, gingerly going to his side with a gentle slide of her hands up and down his shoulders, trying to calm him down. “C’mon now, lets not jump to conclusions!”
Before Sanji could stammer out another word, his phone buzzed. Left on the countertop of his dressing mirror, the screen lit up, a text flashing upon the LCD screen from a contact with an affectionate name: “mosshead”.
“Curly, we need to talk. Meet me out back.”
“Ivaaaaaaaaaa he’s going to break up with meeeeeee!!!!” Sanji sobbed, mascara running in deep ebony rivers down his face as his nails gripped tightly to Iva’s shoulders, his knees quivering as he crumpled to the ground in a frilly pink puddle.
“Pull yourself together queen!” The purple wigged goddess encouraged, reaching for a makeup wipe to help Sanji clean himself up. “Here, wipe up your mascara and face him, we’re all here for you okay girl? You are a strong, incredible queen and you deserve to be loved by someone who cares about and respects you wether you wear a dress or not!”
“Okay…” Sanji nodded with a sniffle, taking the wipe.
“And if that man turns out to be a good for nothing bigot who cant respect you or your hobbies then me and all the girls here will kick his ASS for you!” Iva promised, hands hurriedly fixing up Sanji’s hair as he hyped him up.
“Okay!”
“Now you go tell him what for!”
With newfound energy, Sanji swiftly rose to his feet, heels clacking against the floor as he fanned his face, drying his tears before swiftly marching his way to the back door like a man on a mission. He tried not to fuss about the anxiety that gnawed at his pounding heart, tried not to think about how he was probably going to be sleeping alone tonight, boyfriendless.
With a flourish, he swung the back door open, storming out with bold steps as he glarred daggers upon the fluffy green head that swiveled in his direction, gray eyes widening in shock for a moment before settling into their own glare. Sanji could see the way Zoro bristled before him, those eyes flicking up and down his form as the frilly pink dress fluttered in the wind, and Sanji tried his best to pretend he hadn’t just been crying from the sheer stress as he reached for a cigarette as calmly as he could.
The flame of his lighter flared to life with a firm click they echoed in the quiet back alley as the door to the club closed behind him, leaving the two alone under the dim flickering of a wall lamp, the thudding pumps of the bass speakers inside the club a muffled and distant backdrop to the scene as Sanji took a long, deep inhale from the cigarette, his nerves relaxing as the nicotine his his tongue and he blew out a long silvery stream of smoke in his boyfriend’s direction.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” He snarled, putting on an agressive front in hopes that Zoro would get straight to the point and dump him already.
“Well, I found some shit at home and figured you were lying to me about somethin, so I followed you to see what you were really doing every weekend, why you snuck out all the time.” Zoro began with a harsh growl of his own, waving away the smoke with an offhanded gesture. “I mean, I sure as hell wasn’t expecting this, but thats not the point. Who is she?”
“Who are you talking about?” Sanji asked with a frustrated twitch of his brow.
“Don’t play dumb with me, cook.” Zoro barked, taking a demanding step closer. “I know you’re cheating on me.”
Okay, now that really threw Sanji through a loop.
“What?” He spoke, confusion flashing over his face as he blinked rapidly, thinking maybe that would somehow fix his hearing. “I’m sorry- say that one more time? I think I misheard you.”
“Fucking hell, cut the shit blondie!” Zoro snarled. “You are cheating on me, and we both know it! So just- fess up already!”
“The fuck are you talking about dumbass?!” Sanji yelled, carefuly kicking off his shimmery pink heels as he prepared for a fight. “Here I was thinking you’re about to break up with me for being a Drag Queen and now you accuse me of cheating? Genuinely what the fuck is wrong with you? Hit your heard or something?!”
“I don’t give two shits about the drag thing, thats the least of my worries right now!” Zoro barked, a hand running through his hair in frustration before he dug into his pocket, pulling out his phone and scrolling to the picture of the lace panties. “Look, I found her frilly fuckin lace underwear in your laundry pile after I washed it! I don’t know who she is but fuck I thought you actually cared about me, that our relationship meant something!”
Sanji’s eyes squinted as he looked at the picture of the underwear, a flurry of emotions flicking over his face from confusion, recognition, shock and finally, pure rage.
“WAIT A MINUTE YOU PUT MY LACE UNDERWEAR IN THE FUCKING DRYER YOU ABSOLUTE IDIOT?!” Sanji screamed, every thought he had about the situation going out the window as he lunged forward, fingers tangling in the soft fabric of his boyfriend’s hoodie as he shook Zoro back and forth, continuing his rant. “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DELICATE AND EXPENSIVE THOSE WERE?! THEY WERE MY FUCKING FAVORITE PAIR TOO I WAS WONDERING WHY THEY WERE COMPLETELY DESTROYED!! ZORO YOU ABSOLUTE MOSSBRAIN!!”
“W-wait!” Zoro yelped, his head aching from being rattled back and forth as he grabbed onto Sanji with a look of dumbfounded shock across his face. “THEY’RE YOURS?!”
“OF COURSE THEY ARE!”
“So… you’re not cheating on me with some girl you’ve been meeting in secret for the past six months?”
“What..? No! Of course not!”
“Oh…”
“My god you are so dense!” Sanji sighed in exasperation, loosening his grip on Zoro and taking a few steps back before gesturing down at his dress with a sheepish look. “It’s what I like… honestly thought you were breaking up with me cause you and Nami decided to come here on a whim and you saw me like… this.”
“Curly… why the hell would I break up with you because of something that petty?” Zoro sighed, crossing his arms as he looked at his lover with a fond expression.
“Because you’re gay! A-and I might be too girly for you now, or maybe you’d just think I was a freak or some pervy weirdo or- or-“ Sanji sniffled as he spoke, those pesky tears rearing their ugly head again. “Gods or anything! Maybe you’d hate me anyways, for keeping it a secret, maybe I’m uglier to you now or-“
“Sanji…” Zoro whispered, stepping closer as he reached out to dry the bubbly tears that spilled over the blonde’s reddened cheeks. “I don’t give a shit if you like putting on makeup and wearing a dress.”
“You don’t?”
“Nah.” Zoro smiled with a soft chuckle, his hands sliding down Sanji’s shoulders, thumbing over the soft frills and down to his hands which he held tightly, bringing them to his lips with a gentle kiss. “Sure, it was surprising to see you up on that stage, nearly choked on my drink! But… you looked so happy, so free. It doesn’t matter if you wear a dress or not, you’re still a guy, right? That’s not gonna change how I feel about you.”
“Yeah, I mean, I’m pretty sure I am.” Sanji answered with a sniffling chuckle of his own. “I don’t mind she/her in drag, most Queens don’t, but outside of it? Yeah, I’m still a guy.”
“Aaaaand you’re not cheating on me?”
“Don’t make me hit you.” Sanji sighed, smiling a little bit. “I’ve told you how I am about loyalty in relationships, if you were feeling insecure you should have just talked to me you stupid Marimo.”
“Says the one who hid the fact he was a drag queen for 6 months!” Zoro chuckled, pulling Sanji into a hug.
“Therapy for both of us then!” Sanji joked with a chuckle as he snuggled his face into the crook of Zoro’s neck, breathing in the deep scent of him with a sigh. “I’m glad you’re not breaking up with me.”
“And I’m glad you’re not cheating on me.” Zoro agreed, pressing a kiss into the crook of Sanji’s neck as he rubbed soothing circles into his lover’s back.
“You owe me a new pair of panties though.” Sanji warned, pulling away from the hug to look into Zoro’s steely gray eyes like the shimmering moon. “You completely ruined that pair!”
“Mh, I’ll get you a better pair.” Zoro smiled, a teasing look crossing his face as he leaned forward, breath ghosting over the shell of Sanji’s ear before he whispered, “Seein you up there was kinda hot anyways. Maybe you can give me a… private performance?”
“Oh-“