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A shake.
A stretch of breath.
A sudden, sharp jolt.
“Ben?”
Twisting in the bedsheets, you reach out to find him in the dark. His answer is a pained whimper, more wounded animal than human sob. It’s heartbreaking, a cold wrench beneath your ribs.
Ben hasn’t had an episode in some weeks. He seemed to be getting better. But you always know what to do. It is embedded within you, but it all depends on what Ben is experiencing.
His upper body jerks suddenly, more of a thrash than a sudden burst of movement.
Space. This requires space.
Your hand hovers nearby but does not make contact. The signs to engage with him are not there, and you know from past experiences how volatile these episodes can be. The dark side still clings to him when it can, festering when his walls are down and he is unable to completely defend himself.
Letting it run its course is all you can do until he starts to calm. Only then can you truly lend your support. There have been one too many times in the past when you tried to console him while in the midst of his thrashing, and Ben lashed out without knowing he’d done so. You never told him about those times, because you know how’d awful he’d feel upon learning that he might have hurt you.
As the gnarled whimpering eases, and Ben’s body begins to soften, you gently rest your hand on his upper arm. Squeezing lightly is your way of silently telling him that you’re here with him. That everything is all right.
Ben’s breathing evens out, and you quietly turn over in the bed, lifting the sheets enough to curl up behind him. You mold your body to his, resting your forehead against his back, your arm draping over his side to slide upward and press against his chest.
Through the Force, you sense an overwhelming sense of calm radiating from Ben, a gentle river in a green forest. You tap into it, and by connecting with it, you connect with him. You hear his heartbeat and how it adapts to your own. The two becoming one.
Sleep comes quickly, and it isn’t until the gentle light of morning that you’re shifted around, strong arms wrapping around you to pull you in.
“Ben,” you giggle, as his lips find the underside of your jaw and travel down your neck. You playfully push at him even as Ben pushes you deeper into the bed, tangling the both of you further around the sheets.
When you manage to snag yourself from his grasp for a moment, you find him smiling, the stretch of his lips tugging toward his ears. He is so bright and handsome in the morning light that shines in from a crack in the curtains. Waves crashing against rock reach your ears, and you sigh heavily, matching his smile.
Ben’s gaze roams over your face as the tips of his fingers brush across the curve of your jaw. As he watches, his smile softens.
“I had another last night, didn’t I?” he asks softly, already knowing the answer.
“You did,” you reply.
Ben visibly swallows, licks his lips, the scar across his face stretching slightly with the movement. “I felt…you. Afterward. I don’t remember anything. Just—just you. And the peace.”
You snuggle in closer until your chin almost rests against his chest. “How do you feel now?”
Ben tips his head forward and places a chaste kiss to the top of your head. “Grateful,” he finally says.
“How so?”
Ben shifts his body back a bit so he can gaze at you from behind his dark lashes. “Without you, I’d simply be existing in a galaxy that doesn’t want me. But with you, I have someone.”
You shake your head. “There are people out there that still care about you, Ben.”
“No,” he says. “Not like you do.”
Ben’s dark locks fall around his face as he closes the distance. This kiss is not chaste. It is sweet and passionate and warms you everywhere. When he breaks away, you don’t want him to leave.
“I love you,” he whispers, before settling in the bed, drawing you to him.
You allow him this, pulling you in for a just a bit longer before the two of you have to answer the day.