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"Oh geez, oh God, I'm sorry Mort, I'm so sorry ..."
The singles mixer at the Aquarium was a bust. Literally. The night ended with Teddy doing his Tuscaloosa Twister move and, after multiple warnings from Bob and Linda that it looked 'uncomfortable and violent' and that he 'really should stop' before he hurt someone, he finally did.
Teddy felt bad that he yelled at Mort to 'get the hell out of here' the first time the song played. But by the second time around, and after a few shots, he felt bold and wanted to show off his moves.
So he came careening towards Mort like a human wind turbine and he whacked him right in the nose with the side of his hand.
And there was blood. A lot of blood.
Linda went into motherly mode, grabbing the first aid kit from behind the counter and rushing to Mort's aid. Teddy stood by in horror for a while, grabbing his head and yelling, but once Linda popped open the first aid kit, Teddy took over.
"No! I did this, Linda! I gotta make it right!"
"Teddy, it was an accident, and Mort could be seriously injured!"
"I'm fine, Linda," Mort assured, "It's not broken. Trust me. I know what that feels like."
"Oh gawd, do you think I broke it??" Teddy asked, spiraling, "what are we gonna do??"
"Teddy, relax. Mort just said it's not broken," Linda reminded.
"Now I don't wanna rush you, but this tissue is getting pretty soaked ..."
"Right, right- Teddy? Are you gonna calm down so you can help Mort?"
"Oh! Yeah, uh, hold on, let me grab some ice-"
"Already on it, Teddy," Bob called as he rushed over with a bag of ice.
"Thanks Bobby," Teddy said with a smile, before returning to Mort.
He took the bloody tissue away and replaced it with a fresh one, gently pressing the bag of ice to the bridge of Mort's nose. Mort winced at the contact, hissing slightly.
"I'm so sorry, Mort. Your beautiful face ..."
"It's o- wait, beautiful?"
Teddy pretended not to hear as he rambled on.
"I wanted to impress you. You know how you're so classically trained in dance moves. I wish I could be as smooth as you."
Mort laughed, and that made his nose sting so he stopped short, "Well, smooth as these moves are, I still couldn't land a date."
"Eh, too be fair, there wasn't much of a turn out. I mean unless you were thinking of getting with Gretchen. Or Linda. Well, she's married."
"Yeah, what were we expecting? If we wanted to get with each other, we could've just stayed at the restaurant."
"Yeah, wait what?"
"I mean we invited only friends, that's all."
"No but I mean .. ehh, never mind."
"No, what is it?"
"You said get with each other. Did you mean ... You and me?"
"Well you did ask me to dance, before you clocked me in the face."
"I said I was sorry!!"
"And you're forgiven! I'm just saying ... Ugh I don't know what I'm saying anymore."
"Here, take some aspirin," Teddy said, taking Mort's hand to hold onto the ice pack to keep it pressed to his face as he fished around in the kit. Mort took it graciously, looking around the aquarium.
"You know, they should have singles mixers here more often. It's got a nice ambience."
"Yeah you're right, hey, there's a thought. Date night at the aquarium. Why didn't I think of that before?"
Mort rested against the wall and shut his eyes, and Teddy got worried, "Mort! Don't fall asleep!"
"I wasn't! I was just resting my eyes."
"No, 'cause like I've heard of this, you get hit in the head, and if you fall asleep, you could have a concussion!"
"Teddy, stop escalating. I told you I'm fine."
"How do you know, though? Ugh, I can't believe I did this ..."
"Teddy?"
"Yeah?"
"Just take me home."
Teddy nodded, and fell silent as he helped Mort up, still feeling guilty. Mort couldn't help but chuckle at how attentive his best friend was.
"It's just my nose, Ted."
"I know, but, I hit you pretty hard. I'm such a clumsy oaf."
"You're not an oaf. Yeah, you're a bit clumsy. But I find that to be one of your endearing qualities."
"Really?" Teddy asked, the tips of his ears burning as he smiled to himself, his hand on Mort's hip as he walked side by side with him to the parking lot.
Teddy kept apologizing the entire way, constantly looking to Mort to make sure he didn't nod off, asking him if his ice bag was okay, promising to give him a fresh pack when they got to Mort's apartment. Mort kept assuring Teddy it was okay, in his own calm manner, so as not to excite him. Mort was very patient with people, especially Teddy. He knew he was very excitable, and to try and match his energy or talk over him would only escalate the situation.
Mort never knew how hospitable Teddy could be, but then again the situation never arose before. Teddy made sure he was comfortable, propping up a pillow to keep his elbow up. He went into the kitchen and got him a fresh bag of ice as promised, and when all he could do was done, he sat beside him on the loveseat, patting his legs nervously.
"So are you just gonna stay here all night and make sure I don't doze off?" Mort asked, but not in a mean way, he was actually intrigued. He'd never seen Teddy so attentive with him. He suspected Teddy might've had feelings for him on some level, but he was usually met with some wild accusation or told to get out. Mort was used to it. They were friends, best friends, but whenever the situation got too friendly, he got told off. And rightly so. He didn't blame Teddy. He needed boundaries just as much as anyone else.
So much for boundaries now, as Teddy's leg was resting up against his.
"You could have a concussion. If something happened to you, I'd never forgive myself."
"I'm fine, Teddy. I'm not concussed. I'm just in a lot of pain."
"Because of me! So much for trying to impress you! I should've picked a less violent dance move!"
"You're fine, Teddy, just ..." Mort took a chance, leaning his head against his shoulder, still propping up the ice pack against the bridge of his nose.
"Oh, here ..." Teddy offered, wrapping one arm around him and grabbing a throw pillow with the other, propping his own arm up to hold the ice against him, "you must be tired of holding it ..."
"Yes, I am. Very tired ..." Mort agreed, shutting his eyes.
"Hey! Mort! Don't sleep! What did I just say??"
"Teddy, I appreciate the concern, but you barely whipped my nose. It looks worse than it is. Don't fret so much."
"Fret? Why you gotta say fret? Just say worry, geez. You with your fancy words."
Mort smiled, snuggling in closer, resting his hand on his best friend's chest. Teddy leaned his chin against the top of his head, on his toupee, and Mort felt him brush his hair back enough to give him a soft, meaningful kiss on his forehead.
Mort froze. Teddy never kissed him before ... platonic or not ... Mort carefully took his hand, pulling the ice pack away from his face as he looked up at the handyman questioningly.
"Teddy ..." He began, not knowing where he'd go with this, and anyway the man derailed him, catching him off guard with yet another kiss, this time on his sore nose. Very gently, very brief, as if he'd just been brushed with a feather.
Mort let out a soft humorless laugh, "What are you..?" But before he could finish, Teddy awkwardly touched his cheek with his free hand and kissed the mortician right on the lips. At first it was hesitant, nervous, and quick, but when Mort showed no signs of rejection, Teddy kissed him again, deeper this time.
"Ouch," Mort protested when Teddy brushed his nose, and Teddy retracted, "I'm sorry! Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine, Teddy ..." Mort assured, "just sore."
Mort returned his head to his friend's shoulder, and Teddy kissed him again atop his toupee, wrapping him closer in a comforting squeeze. Mort settled against him, and he abandoned the ice pack, leaving it to melt on the coffee table. He didn't care if it left a water stain. He almost wanted it to. To remember this night ...
"Remember, don't fall asleep."
"I won't, Teddy."
"You promise?"
"I promise."
It wasn't long before Teddy's snores filled the room as the two fell fast asleep in each other's arms.