Chapter Text
~ 2.5 years after the Day of Black Sun ~
The air was cold and biting, but as she sat on the back of her mount, Azula felt more fire in her spirit than she had in years.
She had paused on the crest of a hill to gaze out at the broad, unceasing tundra laid out before her. Her mount, a dark brown yaki-bou, stood sure footed on the snowy hill, thoroughly disinterested in the vista as it chewed its cud. Azula had borrowed the beast from the stables of the city of the Northern Water Tribe, leaving shortly after dawn.
It amused Azula immensely to see the men of the Water Tribe scramble to find a method to block her from the activity. Unfortunately for them, Azula had a very solid case for being able to hunt - not only did she have a wife to provide for, but she had also demonstrated herself as a superior hunter when she brought down a sabertooth snow moose on the day of her wedding. So they let her hunt, grumbling the whole time but still acquiescing to her superior logic.
Usually, the men of the Tribe hunted in groups when on the tundra, saving individual activities for pursuits closer to the water, like fishing. But Azula always went out alone, happily.
The tundra was an unexpected haven for the fire bender, but one gladly accepted so far from home. The snowy landscape was completely devoid of sound. Other places were quiet, but never silent, whether it be due to insects or machinery or even the rustling of leaves. But the tundra was bereft of all of that, so silent as to make ones heartbeat the only thing audible.
That silence was what truly drew Azula - it was as though the silence of the environment permeated into her mind. Azula had come to dislike "white noise." Constant, low level noise, particularly that caused by machinery or water, caused anxiety. The sound seemed to contain muffled voices, clear enough to be heard, but never enough to be understood. Azula had received quite the lecture when she destroyed the fountain in her courtyard, but the real voice of her brother was far more tolerable than the fake voices that whispered from the water.
Silence, true silence, was rare. Combine that with that the freedom of movement and solitude that the snowy wastes offered, and it was the perfect environment for a still, stable mind.
As she and her mount wandered farther out into the white expanse, Azula went through her breathing exercises - she had done a lot of those in the last two and a half years.
Most were drawn from her firebending training, but she had learned several new methods in the past few years from a variety of sources, including, to her moderate chagrin, the Avatar.
I wonder if the Air Nomads ever came to the tundra to meditate? Azula mused idly. They might not appreciate the weather, but the peace is unbeatable.
Azula had been in recovery for the better part of a year before they risked allowing the Avatar close to her. A fair precaution, she allowed, but not really necessary at that point - her fire had been broken on the Day of Black Sun, and had not rekindled until a full two years after that awful day. As much as she was loathe to admit it, it had been for the best.
The Avatar, still so young, had spoken to her with a wisdom that far outstripped his years. Azula hadn't spoken the first few times the Avatar had visited, but had listened with sharp mistrust and a dull curiosity to his words. The boy had filled the silence in the room with stories of his people, the Air Nomads, from before they had been exterminated.
And what interesting stories they were - the Air Nomad way of life was so fundamentally different from anything Azula had ever studied or lived. The non-heirarchical culture challenged her notions of how a society could function and interact with the world, which she first met with disbelief but eventually genuine curiosity.
It was that curiousity that drove Azula to break her self-imposed silence, the question bursting out unbidden, to their mutual surprise.
"Did non-benders get sky bison too?"
"What?"
"You..." Azula started, surprised at her own words. "You said that bending and non-bending children were raised together in the creche. When the Airbender children received their sky bison, did the non-benders get them too?"
The Avatar grinned widely. "Yeah, everyone had the chance to bond with a bison, though some never found a match."
"... quit grinning at me, Avatar."
He did not.
Over the course of several visits, Aang taught Azula a lot more about the bygone Air Nomad culture. Though she still couldn't quite wrap her head around the non-economy of the monks, Azula came to appreciate the wisdom that her great grandfather had nearly wiped from the world.
Aang had taught her one of the breathing exercises after Azula had remarked on the needlessness of the Air Nomad genocide from a tactical standpoint, about how it was all so pointless and distasteful and terrible--
Aang had interceded before she could get into a real spiral, but Azula couldn't help but notice that his breath had been equally ragged as they sat together and gathered themselves. They stayed silent for the rest of their session, but the silence, so rarely allowed before, was peaceful.
Peace.
Peace was a concept that Azula had never really appreciated in the time before. She had regarded those who sought peace as naive as best or fools at worst, before. But now, peace was something she not only tolerated but also sought out.
Oh how time changes... Targeted medical treatment also helps.
In targeted medical treatment she indeed had received. It turns out, while there were no medicines effective in treating the mind, there was treatment available. After about a month of keeping Azula locked in her crypt like a beast, a doctor had been brought in to see her. Azula was rather surprised, having had assumed that her imprisonment was intended to help her isolated from people.
Azula's uncle escorted the doctor that day. Iroh's companion was introduced as Doctor Ra-Zhe, a non-bender from a settlement close to the Earth Kingdom desert. Iroh hadn't explained how the two knew each other, but Azula assumed the doctor was part of Iroh's boring old man club.
The doctor, a short, balding non-bender, claimed that he ran a hospital on the edge of the Si Wong desert. While Azula stared him down in silence, Doctor Ra-Zhe had explained that he was a general practice physician, but that he had a particular interest in injuries and illnesses of the mind. Apparently, he had studied at the university in Ba Sing Se, as well as some prestigious library Azula had never heard of. Needless to say, she was not impressed with the doctor, a feeling that only grew in the coming days.
Over the course of a week of daily visits, Doctor Ra-Zhe had outlined his theories on consciousness to a silent Azula. There were three souls within a person, the doctor claimed, one that controlled the automatic processes of the body, one that focused on basic survival like an animal, and one that housed the conscious, rational mind.
Discord between the three souls, the doctor claimed, led to diseases of the mind and body. One had to gain a full understanding of the needs of all three souls to balance their heart and mind, which allegedly required a lot of "hard" work. Most of that work, it seemed, was talking, and not even in a fun way, like negotiating.
Azula had finally broken her silence to tell Doctor Ra-Zhe exactly what she thought of his theories. There were a lot of bad words used in that explanation, but for some reason, the doctor seemed overjoyed.
When the man cracked a smile, Azula finally stopped her rant. "You were baiting me!"
"Not really," the Doctor responded with a shrug.
"Then why did you talk for days about all that ridiculous business, if not to break my will?!"
The Doctor raised his hands. "I was going to have to explain all of that anyway, so I just went ahead while you were being stubbornly silent." Ignoring Azula's indignant breath in, Doctor Ra-Zhe continued, "All of that 'ridiculous business' is what I actually use to treat my patients."
"What?" Azula asked, confusion overtaking her rage. "Do you actually believe everyone has not only one soul, but three total? I thought doctors weren't supposed to go in on that superstitious soul nonsense."
"Yes, I do believe that," he responded, "though 'soul' might not be the best word for it in this case."
"Saying I'm soulless, doctor? Very original," Azula scoffed.
"No I'm not, Azula," the doctor corrected with a tone. "I just meant that I use the word 'soul' for the ease of understanding of my patients. You are obviously far more educated than my average patient, so I need to change my vocabulary accordingly."
Azula harrumphed. "That's Princess Azula to you," she spat, unable to refute anything else in the statement.
"Your brother, the Fire Lord, gave me full permission to treat you as I see fit. I feel that calling you by your title will not help in the therapeutic process."
"Ugh!"
Azula had resolved to never speak to the Doctor again, but Yue interceded after a week, pleading to her wife to at least pretend to try. Once Yue mentioned that Zuko was considering moving her to a different facility, Azula graciously decided to cooperate.
Progress had been slow at first, but after nearly two years of daily sessions with the good doctor, Azula did admittedly feel better. She had learned a lot, though most would not be of benefit in matters of state like her other educational topics. One had to be well-rounded, after all.
Overall, Azula still had bad days, but they were now outnumbered by the good.
And today was a good day. Azula rode on, her path approaching a small stony hillock.
I am pretending to be hunting, Azula mused, dismounting the yaki-bou. She strode to the top of the hillock, surveying the surrounds for any signs of game.
As she scanned the distance, she saw nothing, but as her gaze returned to the area immediately in front of her, Azula noticed something that stood out. Below her, in the shelter from the wind provided by the hillock, was a depression mostly cleared of snow. Instead of snow, the ground was thinly coated in white feathers, which surrounded three small orbs.
Eggs. It was some sort of nest.
I'm surprised that the feathers are enough to keep the eggs warm... The parents must visit the nest frequently to keep the eggs viable.
There were no parents present currently, but Azula could see that the nest was well-cared for. The parent birds would be back soon enough.
I'll have to ask what type of bird nests like this, Azula thought idly, returning to her yaki-bou.
She mounted and turned the beast, pointing the soft-furred muzzle to the west. She clicked her tongue, and they set off.
Azula returned to the Water Tribe capital city, Agna Qel'a, three hours later, near sunset. Her yaki-bou now carried an additional burden - an arctic hare-verine. It wasn't the biggest catch, but the fur was very thick and attractively patterned. While Azula was a guest of the Water Tribe, contributing to the collective was never a bad strategy (especially when your invitation as a guest was very, very grudging).
After delivering her kill to the Palace Kitchens, Azula made her way to the guest wing. She slipped into her room unnoticed, and removed her parka.
The parka was a unique piece, mainly black with fur lining and rich golden embroidery on the shoulders, sleeves and edges. A red sash went over the left shoulder and hung down to the knees, also richly embroidered with gold. There were none like it in the Tribe, nor probably the whole world.*
Azula smiled softly as she hung the garment, running her fingers lightly over part of the embroidery - her favorite part. Azula's favorite part of the parka was the sigil that adorned the right breast and the bottom of the sash - the golden flame of the Fire Nation, being held in a silver crescent brazier. The sigil emblazoned Azula's armor and most of her clothes, by her own insistence.
While Azula had a stated strategic reason for wearing the sigil (personal branding and authentication), the real reason she wore the sigil over her heart was not quite so dispassionate. After all, Yue had designed the symbol. For them - for their marriage, for their family of two.
Yue, Azula's wife of four years. Azula's closest confidant and companion, who had hand-made the beautiful parka Azula wore, stitch by meticulous stitch.
Yue, who was currently working downstairs to develop the future diplomatic relationship between her Tribe and the other nations of the world.
Yue, who was finally receiving the respect she was due from her Tribe as a leader and stateswoman.
Yue, who held Azula's heart in her hands, and who somehow - somehow - loved Azula back.
--
"Why are you still here?" Azula had asked one particularly terrible day. It had been the morning after a week of sleepless nights.
"Because I love you, Azula." Yue told her that every day, though Azula hardly believed it sometimes.
They sat across from one another, Azula staring at her hands, which were jarringly cold. Once a princess, now Azula lived in a converted crypt with bent earth walls and no windows. Her accommodations consisted of a threadbare bedroom and a small sitting room that served as her living room, dining room, doctor's office, and everything in between. Zuko had moved her down there after the events of the invasion.
It was always cold in the crypt. The sun simply could not penetrate the thick stone that lay above her head. Azula missed the sun, though she would sooner be eaten alive by ants than admit it aloud.
Azula's state of constant cold was a curse - before... the event... the cold had never bothered her. But now, she could not warm herself - her inner fire was broken. She could no longer bend. At all.
"But... how?" Azula hadn't meant for the question to come out so weakly. Her voice was scratchy from disuse. "How can you love me like this?"
"What do you mean, how?" Yue wore only a simple dress that day, hair in one long, messy braid down her back. Despite the unpolished appearance and the hauntingly dark circles under her eyes, Yue was still the most beautiful woman Azula had ever seen.
Azula was allowed visitors twice per day, with one reserved for Yue and the other open for others, though usually Yue took that slot as well. Azula, for some reason, didn't attract many visitors.
"I am a violent monster from a hostile nation, one who stole you from your home and locked you in my keep... I betrayed you."
"You betrayed me?" Yue asked. "What are you talking about?"
"On that day... I- I chose my Father, not you. He told me to choose, Yue, and I chose him... How could you possibly forgive me for that betrayal?"
"Forgive you?" Yue asked, stunned. "How can you forgive me? I... I forced you to choose!" She looked at her clenched hands. "If anything, I betrayed you."
Azula was silent, reeling.
Yue took the silence negatively. "I just had to open my stupid mouth. If I had stayed quiet, everything would have been different. You wouldn't hav- you wouldn't have had to-"
"Stop," Azula ordered. Azula didn't remember standing, but somehow, she was crouched in front of Yue.
"But it's true!"
"No, it's not," Azula argued. Azula cut Yue off as she started to respond, " I've been locked in here for months now, Yue. I've had nothing - nothing - if not time to think about this. "
Yue looked at Azula expectantly, eyes suspiciously wet.
"I spent my whole life doing my best trying to understand my Father and his goals," Azula started. "I always thought I was rather good at it, all things considered.
"If the invasion had gone differently, and somehow, my father had survived to lead another day, his next moves were limited. Zuko defecting with Iroh limited his moves even more.
"With Iroh leading an invasion against his rule, my Father would have needed to consolidate his power base as soon as possible. To do this, he would have done two things: leverage assets and get rid of liabilities.
"The assets portion would be easy, as he had the entirety of the Fire Nation at his disposal. He had decades of suppression of dissent on his side, should anyone within our borders think of working against him."
Azula chuckled wryly. "Not to sound too self-centered, but I know that I would have been an asset on my Father's balance sheet. Or, I would have been, if he knew he could control me. I had started to rebel against him, however minorly, because of the whole crown incident.
"So my father would have had to improve his leverage on me, his favorite little tool, by removing the source of my rebellion. Luckily enough for him, the source was a liability to him anyway."
Yue gasped softly.
"Yeah," Azula nodded bitterly. She had to swallow and blink forcefully before she could speak again. "I was so obsessed with protecting you from threats from the outside that I couldn't see the biggest threat of them all right in front of me.
"There... there was simply no scenario where he would have let you live."
"Oh, Azula..." Yue choked out. "I'm so sorry."
Azula held Yue's hands gently in her own. "Don't be sorry, my sweet moonbeam."
"How- how could you choose me? Over your life, over your Nation, over your Fat--"
"How could I not?"
This, apparently, was not the right answer, as it only drove Yue into full out sobs.
Through the sobs, Azula pieced together a question that Yue was trying to ask - "Why?" Why her? Why did Azula care so much? Why was she worth killing for?
"Because you love me," Azula started, the tear she had been desperately trying to contain finally slipping out of her right eye. "Because you made me things and genuinely laughed at my jokes and stayed by my side, even when everyone else worked against me. Because you made me feel safe and happy and valued beyond being strictly useful."
Azula softly grabbed Yue's face, so that they looked eye to eye. "Because I love you, Yue. Because I didn't even think I could feel love until you entered my life, and yet, here I am, a crying mess on my knees on front of the woman I love more than I thought was ever possible."
"I love you too, Azula," Yue eventually managed. "So much." She sniffed loudly, making both women smile at the sound.
"Look at us!" Azula was overtaken by a laugh, which was embarrassingly wet. "We're a mess!"
"You're my mess," Yue joked.
"Always and forever," Azula responded, a promise.
--
Azula reunited with her beloved wife at dinner that night. The couple ate with Yue's father, Arnook, in his private rooms.
Dinner was a quiet affair, with minimal small talk, to Azula's great relief. Yue and Arnook seemed tired, likely from the long day of diplomacy, but not unhappy.
Azula and Arnook were awkward with one another, especially since Azula had far less bravado (and political power) on this visit to the North. Arnook still struggled with the whole non-traditional marriage thing, though he could see and appreciate the genuine care that existed between the wives.
Oddly enough, Azula's newfound interest in hunting had seemed to ingratiate her to her farther-in-law, as compared to his Tribe-mates, who still grumbled at the allegedly unnatural activity. Azula thought that he was grateful for the mutual interest, since it broadly expanded their range of small talk.
Arnook also seemed unsure around his daughter, Yue. Long gone was the lonely, demure girl he knew, and in her place was a confident and self-possessed young woman. Arnook was adjusting to the change well enough, but sometimes still surprised when Yue spoke with a wise, clear voice.
Arnook was not the only one who struggled with this change, though he admittedly took it far better than others in the governing structure of the Tribe. Azula found it very entertaining to watch the stodgy elders try to balance their respect for royalty with the natural impulse to ruthlessly suppress a woman with an opinion. But, as Azula took immense pleasure in reminding them, they were the ones who invited Yue there in the first place.
The two and a half years since the fall of Fire Lord Ozai had not been kind to the Water Tribe. A particularly hard winter had followed the victory, and just as everything had started to thaw, a new threat had entered the scene.
Zhao, the former Admiral of the Fire Navy, had raised a revolt against the fledgling Fire Lord Zuko's government. Zuko had quickly learned that while toppling a monarch was easy enough, maintaining a solid enough government to keep your new, traumatized nation in one piece was more of a challenge.
Zhao had (somehow) risen to the top of the rebels, who mostly consisted of the top leadership of Ozai's cult of personality. Zhao leveraged his military experience, access to ships, and complete willingness to use violence as a tool whenever and wherever necessary to "convince" a room full of wasp-vipers that he was the most venomous.
Yue had been ordered not to tell her anything about the fighting by Azula's doctor, but Azula was far too skilled of an interrogator to let something like that stop her. Therefore, Azula lacked full details on the events of the attempted revolution, as she had been locked in her underground prison/private mental ward, but she was caught up on the essentials.
Zhao had used his penchant for violence to commit attacks against military posts that were loyal to Zuko, though he very quickly expanded his range of targets to anyone and everyone who supported - or was suspected to support - the "Usurper" (Azula attributed the name to the former Admiral's penchant for drama).
After a (disappointingly) long amount of time, Zuko had finally ordered that Iroh handle the problem with the remaining loyal military. Zuko claimed that his delay was caused by "attempts at diplomacy," but anyone with a functioning brain knew that that wouldn't work. Even Azula, who had an objectively non-functional brain, knew it. But, she was still mad at Zuzu at the time, so she said nothing (as if he would listen anyway).
Iroh, with support from the Avatar and his allies, routed Zhao's forces fairly quickly, but the former Admiral was able to slip away with three quarters of his ships. While Zhao was a sub-par commander of ground troops, he had been made Admiral of the Fire Navy for a reason (beyond being obsequious).
The rebel forces were quiet for a while, but soon enough, Zhao, who now fashioned himself as the "Field Admiral of the True Fire Nation Naval Fleet and Rightful Lord of the Seas and All Who Sail Upon Them," popped up again. This time, however, Zhao aimed his forces at the Northern Water Tribe, as they were the greatest naval power outside of the Fire Nation.
And so, the Invasion of the North began. In a bold first attack, Zhao sent a small force to burn all the ships they could reach while simultaneously setting up a blockade to stop all Water Tribe ships from leaving the walled city. The blockade held for months, stopping Water Tribe access to valuable fishing grounds. Though the Water Tribe could survive without fish, belts tightened and morale flagged.
Then, on the night of a new moon, balls of fire rained down on the walls of Agna Qel'a. No one slept that night, as the waterbenders of the Tribe tried desperately to repair the holes in the walls that kept leaking enemy soldiers into the city.
Though only a small force of Rebel troops breached the walls, they did immense damage to the city, and, unfortunately, its inhabitants.
During the fighting, the gender restrictions on offensive waterbending only hampered the defense of the city. While many of the female waterbenders fought valiantly, they were hurt or killed in far greater numbers than their male counterparts.
Eventually, the sun rose again, and the tide of the fight shifted. With the rising sun came the Avatar on his flying bison, his small team of allies at the ready. Azula was told that the small Earthbender was particularly effective on the all-metal ships, though it was the Avatar that truly ended the fighting.
Reports were unclear on exactly how, but the Avatar stopped Zhao. Allegedly, Aang took the Field Admiral of the True Fire Nation Naval Fleet and Rightful Lord of the Seas and All Who Sail Upon Them's ability to bend away. Since then, the disgraced Zhao had not been seen, allegedly placed in a prison by the Avatar.
Azula, personally, thought that was all a load of propaganda komodo-rhino dung, and that Zhao was dead at the bottom of the ocean, right where he belonged. She was partial, however, to the rumor about the giant fish monster, as the idea of Zhao giving the beast indigestion was too hilarious to fully rule out.
Overall, the Invasion of the North left the Water Tribe battered and bruised, but still able to recover. Chief Arnook, however, was shaken by the experience. Many of the systems that had stood strong for generations were crippled, or were shown to be on far thinner ice than once thought.
Further, the women of the Tribe reached their boiling point with the slaughter of their sisters during the Invasion. The women of the Tribe had fought alongside their menfolk, shed blood just the same, but were still being treated as second-class citizens after the fighting thought. Equality, it seemed, only came in death.
One of the surviving female waterbenders spied the Avatar's female companions in combat, and saw what had been denied to her and her sisters by the men of the Tribe. The female waterbender made a particularly big impression.
If she had been taught to bend properly, cried many female waterbenders, her sister/mother/daughter/aunt would still be alive!
If she had been trained equally to her brother, exclaimed the non-benders, she would still have her leg/hand/arm/ability to walk!
It was unfair, and wrong, and the women of the Tribe were DONE. You don't build an igloo on rotten ice, and the ice foundations of the Water Tribe had more holes than a piece of coral.
It was this confluence of factors that led Arnook to pen a letter to his daughter, which arrived a month after the end of the Invasion. The Avatar had delivered it himself, giving Yue her correspondence before dashing off to be with his good buddy the Fire Lord.
To say that Yue was shocked by the letter was an understatement. In fact, she had been stunned into silence, which lasted all the way to the basement suite that housed Azula. Instead of greeting her wife or speaking a single word, Yue just held out the paper to Azula.
"Are they serious?" Azula asked eventually.
"It seems so," responded Yue.
Azula laughed. She couldn't stop herself.
"What?" Yue asked, testy. "You think I couldn't be of use?"
"Of course not, my love," Azula gasped out, still laughing.
"Then what's so funny?!"
"Someone literally had to beat some sense into the old fuddy-duddies in your Tribe!"
Yue snorted, in spite of herself.
"It's just a shame I couldn't do it myself," Azula sighed as she quenched her laughter. "Or watch you do it, Yue."
"That would have been fun..." Yue agreed. "I wish I could have just set you on them at full power, with no stupid treaty to hold you back."
Azula smirked, (purely theoretical) visions of fire and bloodshed dancing across her mind's eye. It would be glorious...
"I..." Yue began. "I just can't believe they're actually asking for my help."
"I can," Azula responded. "You're the obvious choice!"
"I guess," Yue muttered.
"Of course you're the obvious choice, Yue. Not only are you a) a woman and b) the literal Princess of their tribe, you-- " Azula stopped herself.
"What is it?" Yue asked.
"I was about to say something that is 'negative and/or cynical' that could potentially 'unintentionally cause emotional harm.'"
Yue smiled. "Great job, Azula! You recognized a harmful behavior!"
"I'm not a circus animal, Yue," Azula muttered. "Between you and Doctor Ra-Zhe, it feels like I'm being trained like a performing monkey-bear. Next thing I know, you'll be giving me peanuts for every slightly positive thought!"
"I'm sorry, Azula. I didn't mean to be condescending," Yue apologized. "I'm just really proud of you - you're doing so well in your treatment!"
"Thank you," Azula ground out, staring at the (suddenly very interesting) wall. Her face was a completely normal temperature and color, as well, not at all red or hot.
"... What were you going to say?"
Azula turned to Yue, eyebrow raised.
"It's okay," she reassured.
"You make an exceptionally convenient advisor to your Father and the elders because you are not there to speak for yourself."
"Say more?"
"Your Father or whomever can ask for all the advice they want from you, but then selectively choose what to enact. They could even have 'you' suggest things that are politically advantageous to themselves, rather than the Tribe at large."
"So they can ignore me as much as they want but still use my name as a banner to hide under," Yue concluded, fury in her voice.
Azula swallowed. "I apologize if I caused you anger, Yue."
Yue raised a hand. "I am not mad at you, Azula. I'm mad at them, because you are absolutely right." She stood and started to pace. "Ugh!"
Azula just stared, unsure how to react. Usually, she was the one who was angry. It was odd being on the other side of the table, so to speak.
"I emphasize with your feelings of frustration, and wish I could do something to help you," Azula attempted after a moment, statement becoming a question towards the end. While Azula was excellent at identifying emotions, reacting to them in a non-manipulative way was another thing entirely. Overall, she thought that was a good effort.
Yue flashed a glance at Azula, small smile briefly gracing her features before she returned to her pacing. Vindication!
Yue is rather lovely when she's angry, came a (traitorous) thought, unbidden.
With a noise of frustration, Yue sat back down, hands clutched to her head. "Ugh!"
Azula observed Yue's hands run through her thick hair, partially clenched into claws that evidenced her fury. Gently, Azula lifted a hand and patted Yue's head in a rough approximation of a comforting gesture.
The light pressure from Azula's touch seemed to snap Yue from her angry reverie, instead sparking a giggle. Yue's giggle grew into a full laugh, which quickly turned from mirthful to bitter and a touch sorrowful.
After taking a moment to regain her breath, Yue raised her head and gave Azula a small smile. "Thank you, Azula."
"The patting wasn't weird?"
"A bit weird, but nice," Yue responded. Her small smile faded after saying that, however.
"What are you feeling?"
"I'm... I feel disappointed," Yue sighed. "For a second there, I really thought that the elders truly wanted my assistance. But no, they just wanted me to do what I always did - act as a figurehead. A pretty, silent, female figurehead," Yue said, waving her hand to frame her face. "I was foolish to believe that they actually cared about what I thought."
"May I offer a slightly differing opinion?"
"Okay?"
"While I stand by my earlier analysis of the motivations of the tribal elders, your father was the one who wrote the letter. He was the one who seemingly thought to bring you on board. In my experience, your father is a fairly decent man, and one open to new ideas, albeit begrudgingly."
"Meaning?" Yue asked, sadness still present in her voice.
"While the tribal elders will likely try to dismiss your ideas, I feel your father would be more willing to stand by them."
"That's fair," Yue muttered. " I just worry that he will get overruled. Chief is not the same as Fire Lord - he actually has to listen to the elders."
Azula was struck by an idea, a terrible but brilliant idea. "You should go to the North Pole. It'll be a lot harder for them to ignore you if you're in their faces."
"Go there?" Yue went silent, considering it. "It could work," she eventually said, "but I would be away for so long... you would be all alone."
"Frankly, Yue, that's ridiculous. I'll be fine," Azula stated almost instantly. "Your Tribe needs you."
"I... I know," Yue admitted, "but you need me too."
Azula took a deep breath, but soldiered on. "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few... especially if the few is just one brain-sick girl."
"Azula," Yue chided.
"Really, Yue, you should go," Azula urged. "I can survive being a bit lonely."
"But you shouldn't have to!"
Azula reached out and held Yue's hands. "You are truly the sweetest person in existence, my love." She pressed a kiss to the back of one of Yue's hands. "The North needs your compassion," she kissed the other hand, "and your intelligence."
Yue looked down, ears suspiciously red. In a small voice, she said, "But what if I need you?"
Azula snorted. "What do you need a mental patient for? Certainly not for advise on being an effective Princess!"
"Stop being so mean to yourself, Azula!" Yue exclaimed. "It's mean and wrong and not helpful to anyone."
"Sorry," Azula muttered. "But I'm serious - you don't need my help. You can do this, Yue."
"What if I don't want help? What if I just want my wife?"
"Oh!" Azula exclaimed, the coin finally dropping. "You would miss me!"
Yue laughed then, a beautiful, happy sound. "Yes, sweetheart, I would miss you terribly."
"Because you love me!" Azula's face was definitely not doing a weird thing right then. "You would miss me because you love me, not because you would need my advice or intimidation factor."
Looking back, Azula realized she sounded like a lunatic, talking out her emotions like that. But, that was one of the strategies that Doctor Ra-Zhe had recommended. Azula had been encouraged to identify and verbalize when her underlying assumptions were proven wrong in a positive way. He insisted that saying such things aloud would (for some reason) help the lessons stick better.
Yue laughed again, not unkindly. "I mean, I would definitely miss your intimidation factor when dealing with stubborn old men, but yes, I would miss you most because you are my wife and I love you very much."
Yue had met Doctor Ra-Zhe shortly after he had started sessions with Azula. Though he refused to speak about many of the things they had discussed, the doctor did make sure to go over the various strategies and tasks that he had given to Azula, so that Yue could help reinforce his teachings.
The good doctor had also recommended that Yue find someone to talk to about her own feelings. Yue, he had said, was in a position that would very likely lead to emotional exhaustion, being one of the main pillars of support for an unstable loved one. The astute observation had left good impression on Yue, which should only grown in the years since their meeting.
"Do you think I could convince Zuko to let you come? You're so much better now!"
Azula snorted. "I highly doubt it. He knows the safest place for me is in this crypt, far away from anyone and everyone."
"You haven't had any incidents for almost a full year, Azula. You're doing so well!" Yue set her jaw. "I think I can convince him."
"Good luck with that," Azula quipped.
"You know what," Yue said, "I know I can do it. It'll be great practice for our trip up north!"
Azula smiled at her righteous wife. "If anyone can, I believe it's you." She was barely even lying.
Planning a trip halfway around the world was not a fast process. At least during the War, there had been a sense of urgency (and the ability to threaten violence with absolutely zero consequences) to speed things up, but during peacetime, it took a while to organize a long journey. For that reason, Yue's ship to the North Pole was scheduled to depart two months after the initial letter arrived.
Somehow, by some miracle, Yue had managed to convince Zuko to allow Azula to go on the trip. When Zuko first suggested that Azula join Yue on her trip to the North Pole, her mind rushed to figure out his angle. Azula had been strictly limited to her crypt for almost two years at that point, but Yue had lobbied long and hard to have her wife accompany her on her journey to her homeland. It had come as a shock to (nearly) everyone when Zuko agreed.
Azula's immediate thought was that he wanted to kill her, using the "accidental" sinking of the ship headed North as a convenient and clean way to be rid of his burden of a sister. But Azula caught that thought, and recognized it for what it was - a negative thought pattern born from paranoia. The thought pattern identification training (as Azula had renamed the inane task) had been on of Ra-Zhe's strategies. Paranoia was one of her most common thought patterns, followed closely behind by self-deprecation due to being "useless."
Despite all of the talking and work and negative thought pattern identification, Azula still felt like she wasn't living up to her potential. No, she knew for a fact that she wasn't doing as much as she could be!
"Azula?"
No, Azula couldn't even engage in small talk with her farther-in-law, too worried about accidentally insulting the man. It's not that Azula cared about his opinion of her, but she worried that he would look upon Yue negatively for Azula's actions.
"Azula?"
I am just a porcu-pig in a world full of balloons! I've wrong step and I'll ruin every-
"Azula!"
Azula jumped, startled from the trance she hasn't realized she'd been in. "I'm sorry?"
"I asked if you had any luck today while hunting," Yue said patiently.
"Yes," Azula offered. "I was able to track and kill a hare-verine. I used the spear you gifted to me, sir," she finished, nodding to Arnook. "The pelt was rather eye-catching."
"Good," Arnook nodded, "that's very good. Hare-verine fur is valuable to the community."
"Mothers use it for baby blankets and cots," Yue jumped into explain. "The fur is very soft but repels liquids and other mess."
"Oh," Azula commented stiffly, "that's good. Babies are... important for the future of the Tribe."
"Indeed," Arnook added even more stiffly than Azula, eyes very specifically averted from his daughter. Azula had noticed that Arnook took pains to never bring up children in their presence. He probably didn't want to make Yue sad about the... unique limitations of her marriage.
They fell into silence then, no one able to think of what to say to keep the conversation going.
In the silence, Azula remembered an exchange with the Avatar.
"What happened to the Nomads who fell in love?"
"What do you mean?" Aang had asked, fascinated at the unprompted question.
"The Nomads had no concept of marriage nor a traditional family structure in their culture. What happened to the Nomads who fell in love? What if they wanted to start a family?"
"Oh," the Avatar responded. "Airbenders would often pair off and travel together. Some spent lifetimes exploring together."
"And that was allowed?"
"Of course!" Aang chirped. "Love is the foundation of all humanity."
"What if they wanted children? And if they wanted to raise the children themselves?"
"Well, many chose to give their children to the creche where they were themselves raised. Some did choose to raise their own children, or chose a child or children to raise and mentor, but those cases were rarer."
"Chose a child?"
"Like, adopt, or mentor for a while."
Azula hadn't known what to say after that, sitting in a thoughtful, unpleasant silence like that she sat in now.
"I did see something interesting today," Azula remembered an uncomfortable amount of time later. "I wanted to ask - what type of bird nests on the ground? I found a nest on the ground, with feathers to warm the eggs."
"That depends," Arnook said, squinting. "Where did you find the nest? Were you close to the water?"
"No, I was out on the east tundra. I found the nest in the wind shadow of a small pile of rocks."
"What color were the eggs?" asked Yue.
"White, about the size of a man's fist."
"Ah, that was a snowy owl-gull nest you found," concluded Arnook. "They nest all across the tundra, though most live to the west of the city."
"Those are the birds that deliver correspondence, correct?"
Yue nodded. "Yes, we have a rookery of trained birds up along the western cliff of the city."
"Fast birds, but temperamental," Arnook commented. "The city birds have been domesticated over the generations to be more friendly. Still, they have sharp talons and they know how to use them."
"Fascinating," Azula said, appreciating the mental image of an owl-gull swooping gracefully over the tundra.
That image stuck with Azula through the rest of the evening, which ended mercifully soon.
As she prepared for bed, Azula reflected on her day, and how the Azula of three years prior would have died of boredom three times over it forced to endure the same. Funny how one's worst nightmare can become their idea of a pleasant day.
Yue sat up in bed, reading a scroll in High Water, glasses perched dangerously close to the end of her nose. She smiled at Azula and Azula was struck at just how beautiful Yue was, in body and soul.
Seeing Azula's suspiciously soft expression, Yue asked, "What are you thinking about, dear?"
"Just appreciating me fortune, moonbeam, and how it led me to you."
"And you can me the sweet one?" Yue asked rhetorically. She patted the bed next to her. "Why don't you come get and get comfy?"
Azula returned her smile and slipped in next to her wife. "What are you reading?"
"An essay from the archives that explains the justification for a law that we'll be discussing tomorrow."
"So some light before bed reading?"
"Exactly," Yue agreed with a chuckle. "What are you going to do tomorrow?"
"I think I'm going to go check in on that owl-gull nest again. Maybe the chicks will have hatched by then."
"That sounds far more fun than my day, dear."
"Fun is debatable, but current company notwithstanding, the companionship is hard to beat."
They both laughed at the joke, and Yue put her scroll and glasses. Settling in for sleep, they assumed their normal sleeping position, with Yue front pressing along Azula's back and her arm over her waist.
"Goodnight, Azula."
"Goodnight, my love."