Chapter Text
Kim Dokja always tried to stay human.
He tried to kill as few people as possible, tried to help as many people as possible, and tried to keep his wits and morals about him in this screwed up world. To see the end of this world as human. Not just in the physical sense, but in the metaphorical sense as well.
Kim Dokja had a wealth of information on this world. He knew the ins and out. He knew the beginning, middle, and while he didn’t know the end, he had an idea of what it was. He held a monopoly on that information. On one hand, he could use the information and rise the ranks and become a powerful constellation that only watched conflict from afar, returning to his status as a reader who only observed, but never interfered. But then what? What comes after that minuscule reassurance of a longer life without pain? What comes after immortality? Eternity?
The idea scared him. Thus, he tried to stay human.
Even then, he had to make compromises. To reach the end, to even see the end he wanted, he had to become a constellation. One of the beings he both hated and loved. He was afraid. What if his new status changed him irreversibly? What if he became cruel, and his previous resolutions and fears were erased? What if he wasn’t afraid of eternity?
It was bearable, when he became a constellation. He didn’t change, physically or mentally, and his fears didn’t change even as he became stronger.
It was bearable, even when he saw the slight disgust in Yoo Joonghyuk’s eyes or the way his party wearily watched him. He had to bear with it. It was the only way.
But, to become a Demon King was completely different. Constellations, at the very most, were stories. To become a constellation was to become a story and receive the benefits of them. The more renowned, the more powerful. It didn’t change who a person was other than the usual power-drunkenness.
Demon Kings were completely different from Constellations. A corrupted constellation, they were called.
It was like with the werewolves who were no longer human. Demon Kings were the same. They weren’t human, but they weren’t constellations either. They were uncharted territory for Kim Dokja, and that scared him far more than becoming a constellation. Demon Kings were looked down upon even more than Constellations because of the inherent evil in their titles and actions in which they earned those titles. But his main fear was:
Would he still be himself if he became a Demon King?
All the Demon Kings he knew were messed up beings who perfectly fit the title of 'corrupted constellation'. What if that behavior came with the power, the title? He didn't want to hurt his friends.
Kim Dokja always tried to be human, but now, standing here watching Yoo Joonghuk try and sacrifice himself for the party, Kim Dokja knew he no longer had the option of masquerading as a human.
Kim Dokja knew he was no longer human, but he refused to accept it. He adamantly refused to believe that he was no longer himself on the basic, biological level. So what did he do?
He ignored anything having to deal with his new biology.
...
In hindsight, it was obvious. All the problems began after he became a Demon King. Those moments where he felt a little too protective of his party, the aching pain in his back, the discomfort he felt when separated from his party.
At the time, he’d thought it was some sort of divine retribution that he was in this situation. He’d been told time and time again that his actions would come back to bite him in the ass and that he’d been building up a lot of karma as soon as he started to throw the world out of balance. To gain something in the Star Stream one must first lose something. Other than his sanity and patience, Kim Dokja hasn’t lost very much. But, if it was anyone who had to pay for his happy ending, then he was more than glad to suffer for it.
But really? Why did nothing feel right anymore? And worse of all, why did his back have to hurt so damn much?
Kim Dokja had been feeling it for a while now. In the beginning he could just roll his shoulders and the pain would either go away or decrease. At first it felt like a limb that had been stagnant for too long; however, over time that cramped feeling grew painful and no matter how he stretched and twisted his body nothing could alleviate it. Not even Ellain Forest Essence or any painkillers he found in abandoned hospitals stopped it. Even his number one painkiller known as the Fourth Wall couldn’t do anything.
It’d been a particular problem when visiting Han Sooyoung’s version of the 1863th regression after making an Outer world convenient with Secretive Plotter. The Kim Namwoon of that round had found it hilarious when he’d found Kim Dokja doing odd stretches to see if the pain would subside. The teen even dared to call him old.
He was only 28 damnit! The kid should be laughing at how old Yoo Joonghyuk was. The guy was technically in his ten thousands by the 1863th regression.
At first, he thought the increase in back pain during his trip was because of the archangels transformation, but a quick question to them told him the side effects should have worn off rather fast due to the fact that he was already used to having wings.
So that was off the table.
He fought with himself on whether it was worth it to ask Secretive Plotter about it when he completed his task. Eventually, he was too embarrassed at the idea of it just being normal back pain that he didn’t ask the Outer God.
When he finally went back to the earth of the 3rd regression he found himself too flustered to properly pay any attention to anything as he tried to make sure himself and other returnees wouldn’t get slaughtered by the fearful incarnations waiting for them. He was so focused on dodging Yoo Joonghyuk’s attacks that when he summoned his demon king form he didn’t notice how the pain lessened. Nor did he notice the way the previously uniform feathers were bent out of place and itchy. When he quickly de-summoned his demon king form after realizing it only made him a bigger, more unwieldy, target, did he notice the almost blinding pain that shot through his back.
The pain continued even as he and the returnees completed the scenario and returned to normal. The pain was enough to make him grateful for getting knocked out.
The sleep was nice though, it mostly blocked out the pain as he quietly listened to the world around him. They apparently didn’t know that such a low level of sleeping pills wouldn’t be enough to keep a constellation, much less a Demon King, down.
He played along until he was rudely awoken from his nap. As his eyes blinked open, the pain in his back returned almost twice as strong. He winced, stiffly shifting upright in the bed. The fourth wall tried to help dull the pain, but gave up when it once again showed no signs of working.
He went along with things after that. Catching up with the others and smoothing over any hostility towards him as best as he could. Upon learning of what happened to Yoo Sangah because of his absence his heart trembled, but he kept pulling up different ideas on how to help. It kept him thinking, and thinking kept him calm.
The time spent before the 46th scenario was a blur of training and planning. His bold declaration of taking down Olympus was not made lightly after all.
It was rough. His party members had three years to get stronger while for him it was barely a week. Sure, he’d gotten a lot of experience participating in the 95th scenario, but the difference was still too great.
They’d taken over the courtyard in the industrial complex for their training. Little hand-made targets littering the area. Things from metal barrels to trash cans on wheels took the brunt of their attacks. His party had wanted to go out and practice on live targets, but the twinges of pain that shot through his back every time he moved had Kim Dokja vetoing that idea. He didn’t want to accidentally put his party in danger. But in a way, not letting them train to their fullest extent might put them in even more danger. The thought made him uneasy.
Some of them -ahem, Yoo Joonghyuk- decided to go out anyway, so some of his unease was quelled. It was one of the only times that Yoo Joonghuyk going against orders calmed him.
It was a hot day and the mid-afternoon sun burned almost as much as his back did. At some point, he’d taken off his dimensional coat and laid it to the side. His shirt sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, and sweat dripped from his brow. It was difficult work, but needed to get stronger for his party.
Kim Dokja ducked under an invisible blow from an enemy before landing a strike on the trashcan on wheels before him. The kids had fun decorating them, and the one he was fighting had a large frown with teeth drawn on it in pen. An old, bug eaten hat was taped to the top along with a trash bag that seemed to resemble clothes. A sword was half heartedly tied against the trash can with rope, for extra motivation Lee Jihye had said cheekily.
He panted as he dodged said sword that swung around dangerously from his attack. The movement caused a shooting pain to race across his back, and he instinctively paused mid-dodge to avoid any more pain to his back. Unfortunately, the sword he was dodging didn’t pause and his eyes widened just before the sword cut into his cheek. Thankfully, the momentum that the trashcan carried didn’t allow it to do much damage, and it slowed to a stop quickly after cutting him.
Kim Dokja slowly raised a hand to his face and touched the cut. When he pulled his hand back, bright red blood stained his fingertips. His mind went blank.
He got hurt by a training dummy?
He got hurt by a training dummy.
He stared at his blood as more dripped down his cheek onto the bricks, an ugly mix of emotions curling in his gut at the sight of his inadequacy. His chest felt tight. He looked up, hoping no one was looking at him. To his immense pleasure, everyone was busy with their own training, but they looked bored as they easily dodged and weaved. The sight only reminded him of his weakness, and his shoulders tensed. Bad idea, because the pain spiked again along with his anger.
He had to leave.
Kim Dokja turned on his heel, snatching his coat and shoving Unbreakable Faith into the storage as he tugged it on.
He knew he needed to train, but the pain was just too much for too long.
His party was fully focused on training, whether that be sword training or leveling their personal skills, and didn’t notice him quietly leaving the training area.
His back felt like it was on fire and his heart ached. He couldn’t keep a straight face anymore, and knew he needed to get away from there as quickly as possible.
Worries clouded his mind as he stumbled down one of the industrial complexes hallways. What if this was permanent? What if…his party left him because he was no longer useful? What if…?
Kim Dokja winced as the Fourth Wall rumbled angrily. He shoved away the useless thoughts. Right now, he needed to figure out what to do to make sure that didn’t happen. He couldn’t be alone again.
He leaned against the wall of the hallway, trying to catch his breath and get a hold on his thoughts. Okay…he hadn’t been taking this as seriously as he should have. He thought it would just go away with time, but he was clearly wrong. He just hoped that his persistence in ignoring it didn’t cause any permanent damage.
Now think, what could have done this? The pain was the main problem, but he’d noticed other things that were wrong with him. What could have caused it? When did this start again? He tried to think back, but it was fuzzy. So many things have happened since then that were far more important than some measly back pain. He squinted, eyes darting from side to side as if he were trying to read his own memories. He knew it was around the time that he fought against the Outer God back in the 73rd Demon World. Maybe something about fighting the Outer God that did it-
His thoughts were interrupted by the Fourth Wall huffing as it seemed to realize something.
[ Kim doKJa Is StuPid ]
Kim Dokja flinched. ‘What?’ The Fourth Wall figured it out? He sent a pleading glare towards the Fourth Wall.
‘What is it! What could I possibly be missing?’
It felt like the fourth wall just shook its head disappointedly.
[ DEmOn KiNg Of SaLVatON ] It emphasized.
‘Yes.’ He thought sarcastically, ‘That is my modifier.’
[ jUSt BeCauSe YOu RefUSe TO ACknoWleDge SoMeThiNG DoEsn’T MeAn It WoN’t AffEct You. ]
‘What?’ He wasn’t some ostrich putting his head in the sand. Right? What was he missing? Did he purposely forget something?
Before he could threaten the wall into giving him answers a deceptively cheeky voice spoke up behind him.
“Just where do you think you’re going?”
Kim Dokja tensed. His back tingling from the extra strain, but he carefully pushed down the sea of emotions raging in his head to turn and face his follower. Eyeing the tense form of Han Sooyoung he knew he had to be careful. Kim Dokja shifted to support his own weight rather than leaning against the wall in an attempt to lessen suspicion from prying eyes, “I should be asking you the same.” He said lightly, tilting his head to the side a bit, “Is there something bothering you?”
Han Sooyoung was silent for a moment, her cat-like eyes dragging along his form as if she were looking for something. Her eyes paused on his face, “You’re bleeding.” She said matter of factly.
He smiled weakly, rubbing the back of his neck, “Ah, just a product of clumsiness.” He actually forgot about that. “It's a little cut, nothing to worry about.”
Rather than being reassured, Han Sooyoung only seemed unamused as she took a few steps closer. “...Are you sure? You’re doing that thing again.”
Kim Dokja laughed nervously, taking a step back, “What thing? I’m fine, really!” The pain in his back was slowly traveling to the base of his neck, and he had to refrain from stretching his neck to alleviate the pain. Damnit, stress was just making everything worse.
“Your smile. It's that unlucky one again.” Her cool demeanor slipped slightly, revealing something close to concern, or maybe even anger. “So what did you do?”
“I haven’t done anything.” He said hastily, and it was true. He hasn’t done anything, the problem was in what he wasn’t doing.
Han Sooyoung frowned, mouth pulling into a tense line, “Like I’d believed that. You’re always up to something.” She stepped around him, trapping him in between her and the wall. “Always making plans for the future without confiding in us. Making decisions for us without asking if we’re okay with it.” ‘Sacrificing yourself for us’ was left unsaid, but it still hovered in the air between them like a match waiting to be lit. Her voice was tight, like a string pulled taut. One wrong move and that string will snap.
Kim Dokja felt his own anger rise along with hers like a siren's call. She really wanted to do this right now. Fine, he’ll play her games. Not in the way she wanted him to, though.
“But it works, doesn’t it.” He said tersely. He just wanted to be done with this conversation. Done with this pain. Done with everything. He was so, so tired.
Snap.
He watched as the thin string of patience Han Sooyoung carefully wove broke under the carelessness of his words.
She snarled viciously, grabbing the lapels of his coat and pulling him down so that they were nose to nose. His head hurt at the sudden, jarring movement.
“You…!” That stubborn anger wavered as she gritted her teeth. A thousand words passed through her eyes, but none of them were spoken. But because of how close he was, he got a full view of the emotions swirling in her eyes. Anger, concern, fear.
He felt nauseous. He did this to her.
“Then what’s wrong!” Her voice cracked on the edge of hysterical, “You can’t just weave your way into our lives and then just expect us to be fine with it when you leave! We aren’t some mindless characters in a novel! We have feelings too! We just got you back- I just got you back! I can't lose you again…” The desperation in her voice hurt. Proud, arrogant, strong Han Sooyoung was scared for him.
Kim Dokja always tried to treat his party members as more than characters, he always thought he treated them as more than characters. But maybe the Fourth Wall was affecting him a lot more than he thought. All he’s ever done was make his poor party worry about him. He saw it in their eyes ever since he came back from the 1863th regression. Heck, even before that. The Demon King selection, the Dark Castle, the 8th main scenario, all these moments he sacrificed himself for his team were ingrained into their memories. He never wanted to hurt them, his precious people, but he didn’t know why they were always so worried about him.
His hands slowly rose up to cover hers as he gently pried her hands off his coat. It was an easy task because the Author mostly invested in her mana more than her strength. ‘I…never meant to hurt you.’ He thought sadly as he stepped away from Han Sooyoung. ‘It was never my goal to hurt any of you.’ The heartfelt words never left his mouth. Even with a hazy fog slowly descending over his mind, his heart would never let him say such compromising words.
‘I just want all of you to be happy together.’
The frustration in Han Sooyoung’s eyes grew as she ripped her hands from his grasp.
He knew she wouldn’t let him leave without a fight. It wasn’t in her nature as an author. She had to finish what she started. Even if she lacked in strength, her determination to get what she wanted was off the charts. So when she saw the flighty look in his eyes she lunged at him before he could even take another step.
"Ack-!"
His back hit the wall with a loud thud. The pain in his shoulders exploded at the force and his vision whitened. Stumbling away from the wall, away from the pain, he bit his tongue hard enough to taste iron. He blindly reached for something to steady himself with. His hands met warm fabric and he pulled it closer to himself, ducking to hide his face in it as he whimpered. He tried to breathe through the pain. He couldn’t hear anything over the ringing in his ears, but the fabric moved under him, and warm hands lightly grasped at his arms.
A light tapping began on his arm slowly following a beat unknown to him. His breaths unconsciously mimicked the tempo of the tapping. After a few moments of breathing, the pain slowly cleared to something manageable. But the haze that’d befallen his mind had yet to lift. Kim Dokja slowly opened his eyes briefly only to be met with fabric engulfing his vision. The tapping on his arm stopped, and a shaky voice was heard right by his ear, “Are you back?” Kim Dokja blinked as a warm breath ghosted over his neck.
He was practically hugging Han Sooyoung -when was the last time he’d hugged someone?- with his face shoved into the crook of her neck. The thick fabric of Han Sooyoung’s coat was bunched up in his shaking fists. Her head was gently tilted against his and he felt her rabbit-quick heartbeat underneath him.
He found himself relaxing into the warmth the woman emitted, humming quietly as he hid his face back into the crook of her neck.
One of the hands on his arm moved to rest lightly on the back of his neck as she breathed out heavily, “Don’t scare me like that.”
A small part of his mind told him to back up and uphold the societal standard for the duration and intimacy of a hug between friends, but a larger, unfamiliar part of his mind trilled at the closeness. This new part of his mind shook at the thought of letting go of the comfort he’d been denied for so long.
He huffed at the conflicting thoughts. Han Sooyoung shivered at the breath against her neck. The thought of making her uncomfortable had him quickly trying to put space between the two of them. However, it seemed that his hands didn’t get the memo as they stayed clenched around Han Sooyoung’s coat. Every time he tried to loosen his grip, a horrible feeling of fear overcame him. Even as he tried to rationalize that nothing would happen it didn’t work.
Han Sooyoung leaned back as far as his grip would allow, confusion painted across her face, “Kim Dokja what are you…wait-” Her eyes met his and she paused. “Your eyes…” He tried to ask her what was wrong with his eyes but words failed him. No, words didn’t fail him, it was like he forgot how to form the sound with his mouth. He thought he should be afraid of his sudden lack of vocabulary, but the warm fuzz covering his thoughts didn’t let any such fear through.
[The Skill The Fourth Wall is…]
Dokja blinked in surprise at the lack of sound from the fourth wall. He could still feel it, but it was distant. Blanketed in a harmless fog.
Two pairs of footsteps rang through the hall. Only one came closer and he watched blankly as another Han Sooyoung stood next to the one in front of him.
There's two of them?
The one he was holding onto nodded before the other Han Sooyoung disappeared. He watched in surprise but was distracted by a cold voice coming from down the hall. It sounded familiar. He thought of dark eyes and hair, a deep frown, companionship. Words were being exchanged between the two, but he couldn’t catch what they said.
He blinked languidly, what was happening again? Why was Sooyoung standing so close to him, looking scared? Was something happening? Were they in danger? He felt another presence, a familiar powerful one that simultaneously made his shoulders relax and tense. Footsteps came closer and a looming presence appeared just over Han Sooyoung’s shoulder, completely dwarfing both the author and reader. A warm, callused hand gently grabbed his chin, directing his attention toward dark eyes. He found himself melting into the hold, and as their eyes locked the presence flinched and drew away. Those eyes reminded him of something. Warm sunlight, scared silver eyes, and anguished pleading. He felt oddly warm even as he remembered the pain of Demon transformation and the wounds his party inflicted on him. He did well. He saved his protagonist.
Unbidden, a fond trill left his throat.
His companions eyes widened at the sound.
“-----?” There was that fear again, the sour scent made his nose crinkle.
The presence grabbed his hands and attempted to pry them off of the coat he was holding. He wanted to snap at the man, but felt too fond of him to harm him. Even as the man succeeded in getting one of his hands off, he quickly grabbed onto the man's arm as the need to grab something arose again. The presence glowered and said something but was cut off by a series of familiar cheerful ‘dings’. He watched as his companions looked at a blue screen, their eyes widening in surprise.
Han Sooyoung watched the party members train from where she sat lazily in one of the courtyard trees. Her eyes darted from person to person as her avatars trained for her at the tree's base. It was a boring, but invaluable experience. Watching hard hitters such as Jung Heewon practically rip through target after target told her who to not mess with.
Although, Han Sooyoung grimaced, Jung Heewon was already after her head. The least she could do was watch her attack patterns for when the woman eventually found the perfect time to try and kill her out of the party's view. Han Sooyoung shuttered, being around strong people really put her on edge. Her eyes drifted to a particular black haired man. Some strong people, though, just lived to make her worry about them.
Han Sooyoung has been keeping a keen eye on Kim Dokja since he came back. Every time the man was out of sight, her mind kept tricking her into thinking that she’d dreamt of his return. That uneasiness always led to her seeking him out to dispel the disbelief. Whenever she did this, Kim Dokja would just blink at her odd behavior before going back to whatever he was doing. Neither acknowledging her odd behavior, nor admonishing her for it.
3 years was a long time after all.
Even before that she was the only one of their party to not see him in the 73rd Demon King world. The last time she’d seen him was with a sword pierced through his chest and the light leaving his eyes.
She wasn’t the only one who’d been watching him closely since he returned. The others too, were routinely found seeking out Kim Dokja in their free time. The kids would go up and pester him for attention, with Lee Jihye egging him on by calling him random names until he played her games and Shin Yoosung and Lee Gilyoung getting into fights that he had to interfere in. Jung Heewon and Lee Hyunsung would hang around the man and make small talk with him. And while not as often as the others, she would see Lee Seolhwa check up Kim Dokja by asking about his health. Sometimes, Han Sooyoung would get to see Yoo Joonghuyk hovering around the man, which was reason enough to get attention from not just Kim Dokja but the rest of the party. Even Yoo Sangah would call for him so that they could talk for a little. Each and every one of them looked at Kim Dokja like they couldn’t believe he was there. They really thought that was it, there were no tricks that Kim Dokja could pull to escape the fury of a mindless Outer God. There were no tricks before that’d led to Kim Dokja being erased from the Star Stream.
They all felt the absence of their star in the sky, their constellation.
Han Sooyoung huffed, idly kicking her legs from where they hung off the branches in her tree. No use thinking about that now. As long as she kept their resident sacrificial bastard within eyesight they’d be fine. She’d be fine.
She yawned, tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. Wiping the tears with her sleeves, she glanced at her avatars. Her mana pool was getting a little low after training for so long and it was making her tired. Maybe that’s why she felt a little reminiscent. The Author hummed, leaning back against the warm tree. Sunlight glinted over the leaves, creating small patterns against her skin from where the light slipped through. It was warm. She looked over the courtyard again. No one will care if she closed her eyes for a little bit, right? Nothing will go wrong with so many of her fellow party members on alert and in the same area, and a little power nap will let her train for longer.
She relaxed for the first time in a while, a content smile dipping across her face as she slipped into the warmth of the mid-afternoon nap.
…
Han Sooyoung jerked back awake after what felt like only a moment, nearly rolling off the tree in the process. Her stomach twisted in knots at the remnants of a nightmare she couldn’t remember, but could only guess at as she quickly counted up the party members present in the courtyard.
All of them were there.
She breathed a sigh of relief, slumping back into the tree as she tried to regulate her breathing. This wasn’t the first, nor would it be the last, time a nightmare kept her from sleeping. At this point her nightmares kept her from feeling well rested anymore. She tried to sneak in a nap any moment she could to try and make up for it, but her constantly low mana nowadays showed the effort was for naught. The only way she could replenish it now was through potions, but Lee Seolhwa was starting to get suspicious. Han Sooyoung really didn’t want to bother the busy woman with something as silly as nightmares though.
Everyone had nightmares in the apocalypse, she wasn’t special. She just had to hunker down and deal with it like everyone else.
Han Sooyoung sighed, before shakily patting at her pocket. She eventually managed to pull out a lemon flavored lollipop. Other people dealt with their fear with drugs and alcohol while she dealt with hers though sour candy. She was about to unwrap the candy when her eyes caught on something. Or more specifically, someone.
Han Sooyoung leaned forward, lollipop momentarily forgotten as she watched Kim Dokja suddenly freeze from where he was training. Her eyes narrowed on his tense figure as he looked around before snatching his dimensional coat he’d taken off at some point and slipping away from the rest of the party without anyone noticing.
The remnants of her nightmare forced her to follow after the man, a gnawing worry slowly eating away at her attention until all she could think about was Kim Dokja doing something stupid again. Han Sooyoung jumped down from the tree, eyes solely fixed upon where Kim Dokja entered the industrial complex. She gestured for her avatars to return to her.
Memories and skills filtered into her head, temporarily confusing her for a moment before she filed everything back into its proper place. She felt a little rejuvenated now that there was no longer a constant drain on her mana. She also received quite a few notifications on her improved stats, but she ignored them as she followed after Kim Dokja.
While she hoped that his sudden departure was laziness, she could never be too sure with that man.
Heart beating faster the longer he wasn’t in sight, she caught the tail end of his surprisingly pure white coat -seriously how did that thing not stain, it was the apocalypse for fucks sake- as he turned the corner. Han Sooyoung frowned, mentally cursing the man for his long strides as she rounded the same corner. She paused abruptly, though, when she saw him leaning heavily against the wall and glaring at nothing.
Maybe he really was just tired. She didn’t even notice how fast her heart was beating until it started to slow at the continued signs of Dokja not doing anything stupid.
Feeling embarrassed about how worked up she was getting over this, she pulled up a forced mask of calm as she asked, “Just where do you think you're going?” She made sure to put a little bit of her cheeky nature into her words.
Kim Dokja tensed and turned to face her, moving so that the wall no longer supported him as he responded in a strained voice. “I Should be asking you the same.” He said lightly, tilting his head to the side a bit, “Is there something bothering you?”
Damnit, she wasn’t nearly as good at hiding how she felt as she thought. But…Kim Dokja wasn’t either.
She observed Kim Dokia, looking him up and down. He was leaning a little too much on one leg, and his shoulders were hiked up to his neck. His face was twisted in a pained grimace as he watched her, a slight haze covering those lively silver eyes of his. His face was slightly tilted away from her, so it took her a moment to catch a glimpse of blood on his face.
“You’re bleeding.” She asserted. Where in the hell did he get that cut from? She let him out of her sight for 5 minutes tops-
Kim Dokja gave a familiar smile that made her blood run cold as he guiltily rubbed the back of his neck, “Ah, just a product of clumsiness. It's a little cut, nothing to worry about.”
With that smile she didn’t believe a word he said.
Han Sooyoung took a couple steps closer to get a better look at the cut.
“...Are you sure? You’re doing that thing again.” She pushed. If she pushed enough, maybe he’ll tell her.
Kim Dokja just laughed nervously as he took a few steps back from her, “What thing? I’m fine, really!” Pain twisted his expression for a moment before he relaxed again.
Liar.
Always such a liar.
She pushed down her rising anger, “Your smile. It's that unlucky one again.” Despite her efforts, a little bit of concern and anger leaked into her voice. “So what did you do?”
“I haven’t done anything.” He said hastily, waving his hands slightly as he tried to dissuade her.
‘Bull shit ’
Han Sooyoung frowned, “Like I’d believed that. You’re always up to something.” She stepped around him, trapping him in between her and the wall. She knew him and his slippery ways, the bastard was a snake to enemies and allies alike, but she wasn’t giving him the option to escape this time, “Always making plans for the future without confiding in us. Making decisions for us without asking if we’re okay with it.” ‘Sacrificing yourself for us’ was left unsaid, but it still hovered in the air between them like a match waiting to be lit. Her voice was tight, like a string pulled taut. One wrong move and that string will snap.
Kim Dokja’s eyes narrowed, a faint anger flickering behind them. “But it works, doesn’t it.” He said tersely.
His flippant words were like a poison to her. Like her and the party’s worries were unjustified, like their fears were over nothing. Everything they suffered in his absence didn’t matter because they were still alive, because he was still alive. But some fates were worse than death, and Han Sooyoung’s heart burned .
Han Sooyoung snarled viciously, grabbing the lapels of Kim Dokja’s coat and pulling him down so that they were nose to nose. “You…!” She wanted to scream at him, wanted to shake him until he realized just what he did to her, to them, but the words got stuck in her throat under a torrent of emotions. And just as quickly as that anger rose it fell, leaving her weak with helplessness and fear at the idea of the man before her dying and never coming back. At the idea of waiting, waiting, waiting for him to come back. Waiting for nothing but a corpse. She waited so long for him to come back, but what if he never did? Waiting endlessly for someone who will never come back.
“Then what’s wrong!” Her voice cracked on the edge of hysterical as she begged him to listen to her pain. Begged him to just tell her, “You can’t just weave your way into our lives and then just expect us to be fine with it when you leave! We aren’t some mindless characters in a novel! We have feelings too! We just got you back- I just got you back! I can't lose you again…”
‘I can’t do this alone again...' When Kim Dokja died back at the Dark Castle she had to take over as leader. It would have been manageable with Yoo Joonghuyk by her side, but the only other person who knew the future quickly separated himself from the group to deal with his grief by himself. She had to push her own grief to the side in order to support the party with theirs. She hugged the kids, reassured Lee Hyunsung, kept Jung Heewon from starting any fights, and let Yoo Sangah cry on her shoulder.
She had to do this twice. Once for each death.
She remembered the way her heart sank when she met up with the team who’d returned from the 73rd Demon King world only to see tears streaming from their eyes and no Kim Dokja in sight. Had to endure it when Yoo Joonghuyk woke up. It was the closest she’d seen the regresser to hysterics as he sputtered questions about why the Star Stream said Kim Dokja no longer existed. She had to watch as the team slowly became emotionally distant from each other, and had to watch as Yoo Sangah cut days, months, years off her life because of Han Sooyoung’s inadequate knowledge of the future. She can’t do it a third time, and neither can the rest of the party.
So when Kim Dokja simply untangled her hands from his coat rather than addressing her, she only felt her frustration grow.
She knew that look in his eyes, knew that he was going to run away again and they’d have to do this song and dance again and again until one of them broke. She knew who it would be, and she hated the idea of rolling over and giving up.
Before Kim Dokja could even take a step away, she lunged for him. Pushing him against the wall and trapping him in between her arms.
Maybe she was a little too harsh because Kim Dokja’s eyes widened and a sharp shout of pain left his lips. All of her previous anger and frustration left her in a rush as concern took its place. Han Sooyoung quickly moved back to give Kim Dokja space as he stumbled away from the wall with uneven breaths. He reached out blindly and ended up grabbing her arm, pulling her closer to him as he abruptly hid his face in the crook of her neck. She froze.
All she could focus on was the uneven breaths and whimpers against the side of her neck.
She stood there stunned as he shivered in pain against her. Hesitantly, she whispered, “Dokja?” If he heard her, he made no sign of it. Her hands lifted, but she wasn’t quite sure what to do.
[Ding!]
[Ding!]
[Ding!]
Chimes drew her attention from the whimpering man in her arms. Her direct messages were getting overrun by familiar constellations.
[The Constellation ‘Abyssal Black Flame Dragon’ wonders what is happening.]
[The Constellation ‘Demon-like judge of fire’ is panicking.]
[The Constellation 'Prisoner of the Golden Headband’ is concerned.]
[The Constellation 'Secretive Plotter’ is telling you to get help.]
Her eyes caught on the last message and she quickly summoned an avatar using the memory of what she had for breakfast this morning and ordered it to find the nearest person to help. As her avatar scurried away she refocused on the man in front of her. He was still tense and his breathing was all out of rhythm.
Unsure of what else to do, Han Sooyoung began lightly tapping a rhythm in sync to her own breaths on Kim Dokja’s arm.
It took a few minutes, but his breaths slowly began to match hers; Although, he was still shaking.
“Are you back?” Han Sooyoung asked shakily. Kim Dokja hummed tiredly, slumping even more into her that she had to carefully adjust herself so that they didn’t fall off balance.
She breathed out heavily, one hand coming up to rest lightly on the back of Kim Dokja’s neck, “Don’t scare me like that.”
Her heart slowly calmed from its quick pace, leaving her feeling as if she’d just ran a marathon. Kim Dokja huffed, the air brushing against her neck had her shivering at the odd feeling. It was weird to let someone be so close to such a vulnerable spot. Even if she trusted Kim Dokja with her life, her body still tensed on instinct as goosebumps erupted along her arms.
Kim Dokja must have sensed her discomfort, because he started to draw back before stopping abruptly, a small whine leaving his throat almost unconsciously.
Han Sooyoung leaned back as far as his grip would allow, confusion painted her face, “Dokja what are you…wait-” Her eyes met his and she paused. “Your eyes…” She was far enough back now that she could see his eyes and they were…wrong.
The pupils were dilated into wide pools of darkness, but that wasn’t what caught her attention. No it was the way the pupils were shaped almost like a crosshair. One oval vertical, and another oval horizontal that when they met in the middle was filled in with white. The normally silver irises were a bloody red that she’d only seen from him once before back at the Dark Castle.
Shit, was he about to go feral or something? She’d never learned anything about Demon Kings, and now she was starting to regret it. She knew they were considered different from constellations and had their own hierarchy and worlds to control, but that was about the extent of her knowledge.
Kim Dokja opened his mouth as if to say something, but all that came out was air. He looked confused and that hazy look that she’d noticed before was getting stronger.
Han Sooyoung heard two pairs of footsteps echoing down the hall, her back was to the hallway so she didn’t see who her avatar brought back. One was lighter and more frequent while the other was louder and less frequent as if the owner of the footsteps took longer strides. The sounds coming from behind her got closer and the one with heavier footsteps stopped while the other reached her side. Han Sooyoung got rid of her avatar as a cold voice rang out from where the other person stayed, “What’s going on here?”
It just had to be that bastard didn’t it. Just her luck. He must have just gotten back to the complex from his little solo training session. That might be why her avatar found him first. She would have admonished her avatar if it was still summoned, but now wasn’t the time.
“Bastard,” She greeted, trying to keep the urgency from her voice, “What do you know about Demon Kings?”
Despite her efforts, her panic must have shown because she soon had an intimidating presence leaning over her shoulder.
“What’s going on?” The protagonist himself growled. If she weren’t so worried herself, she would have laughed at the almost worried way he said it.
“He wandered off so I followed him and found him leaning against the wall, and when I tried to get him to stay I accidentally-” Not accidentally but she wasn’t going to admit to assaulting their leader even if she had killed him once before “-shoved him against the wall and he reacted like he was in pain. But now his eyes are all weird and he doesn't seem fully there.” As if to prove her words, Kim Dokja didn’t even react to a single word she said. He just kept staring at nothing as Yoo Joonghyuk reached over her shoulder to grab Kim Dokja’s chin, forcing his unusual eyes to focus on them.
As soon as those eyes landed on Yoo Joonghyuk the man flinched almost imperceptibly before letting go. “...That's why you wanted to know about Demon Kings…”
She huffed, irritated, “Yeah, I want to know if he's going to maul me or not. Because if so, I’d rather be a little bit further away and with you at the center of his attention.” Yoo Joonghyuk only then seemed to realize her situation and raised an eyebrow. She snarled at him and he clicked his tongue in dissatisfaction.
Neither of them realized that Kim Dokja was still watching them, until they heard a high, pleased trill. Both Author and Protagonist looked at the Reader when they realized he was the one that made that sound.
Han Sooyoung gave Kim Dokja an awkward smile, “Kim Dokja…you still in there?” Yoo Joonghyuk quickly began detangling Kim Dokja’s grip on Han Sooyoung’s coat. The Demon King whined and fought against Yoo Joonghyuk enough so that the man had to use both hands to pry his hands off the coat.
The Author laughed at Yoo Joonghyuk's struggle. Yoo Joonghuyk glared at her as if to say he could just leave her here before he finally managed to get one hand free from Han Sooyoung’s coat, but then Kim Dokja quickly switched to gripping Yoo Joonghyuk’s arm. Han Sooyoung cackled at the slightly pissed expression on the protagonist’s face as he was trapped with her.
“Kim Dokja you fool! Let me go-”
[Ding!]
Both party members stopped to look at the message while Kim Dokja seemed content to just hold the both of them.
[The Constellation ‘Demon-like Judge of Fire’ is waving their arms around.]
[The Constellation ‘Demon-like Judge of Fire’ says she knows what's going on.]