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Muted light filters in around the drawn curtains casting the room is an ethereal glow. It’s the end of January and if the weather forecasters are to be believed, a blanket of fresh snow awaits them today. She’s spent the night tossing and turning, waking every couple of hours. Beside her, Travis shifts in his sleep and she knows it’s now or never. If she wants to do this alone, she needs to get up.
Cautiously, she slips out from under the warmth of the duvet placing her bare feet on the cold hardwood floors. It’s only her second winter in Kansas City and she makes a mental note that she really needs to get a rug for this room. She tiptoes to the ensuite, grabbing the over-sized knit sweater she left on the end of the bed last night for exactly this reason. Shrugging it on over her nightgown, she quietly closes and locks the ensuite door, flipping the lights on as she makes her way to the cupboards on her side of the double vanity.
Rummaging in the back of one of the cupboards, she finds what she’s looking for, sending up a silent prayer to Blake for her forethought. As the only person who knew of their plans to immediately start trying at the end of the Tour, and knowing Taylor had no hope of obtaining tests secretly on her own, Blake had made sure Taylor was well stocked on her trip to watch the Chiefs play the Bills at Arrowhead in October.
Opening the box with shaking hands she can scarcely believe she’s actually doing this. For so long, motherhood seemed an elusive dream, and it still could be, but her intuition suggests otherwise. She’s three days late and her breasts are so tender it’s all she can do not to yelp when Travis moulds them into his large hands as they’re curled up in bed at night. Her heart begins to beat faster as she reads the instructions, having to re-read them several times before she’s confident.
Closing her eyes she takes the test, silently willing it to reveal the results she wants. As she washes her hands and waits, she thinks back over the last couple of months. The disappointment at Thanksgiving and Christmas when her period arrived right on time, trying to put on a brave face for family and friends, but secretly dying on the inside. She knows Travis is aware of the date, but he’s been oddly silent, which adds to her worry. Is he rethinking the plan or simply giving her space, not wanting to add any pressure.
They’ve been talking about starting a family together since last March when they met in Hawaii with her family and his for a much needed vacation after his Super Bowl win and her Australian and Asian Tour legs. As they laid in bed one evening several days into the trip, Taylor finally steeled herself to bring up the topic she’d had on her mind for the last couple of weeks. She’d toyed with the idea of bringing it up in Sydney, but given the short duration of his stay, it hadn’t felt right. Here though, in Hawaii, with nowhere to be, the warm ocean breeze coming in the open patio doors, Travis slowly drawing circles up her arm, and the sound of his nieces still reverberating in both their heads, it felt right. “Travis,” she whispers, angling her head back to gaze into his eyes. His hand on her arm stills, sensing she has something important to say. He holds her gaze, waiting for her to continue.
“We both talked when we first met about wanting children one day and I know this is a bit out of the blue, but it’s just that my life is planned so far in advance that I really can’t leave anything to chance, and I’m not getting any younger, and I’ve never felt so sure about a relationship, what we have has felt so solid, so right since day one, and seeing you with your nieces, I just know you’ll be an amazing dad, and I really don’t want to miss out on an opportunity to build a family with you if that’s something you want, but it’s going to have to be planned relatively soon if we do, my team is already looking ahead, and I hate that, hate that we can’t just see where we are a year or even a couple of years from now, and I’m rambling.” She stops to take a breath burying her head in his chest.
“Tay,” he says pulling her head back so he can be the one to gaze into her eyes, “If you’re asking me if I’m open to the idea of having children with you, and having them sooner rather than later, then the answer is yes. I’ve always known I want a family one day, but it’s always been a matter of finding the right person to have that family with. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you. I’m in complete awe of you every single day and there’s absolutely no one else I’d rather have as the mother of my children.
Her eyes well and the tears spill over running down her face with relief and love for this man who is willing to fulfill her dreams of motherhood and a family. Through her tears, she feels the need to explain once more. “If you need more time it’s okay. I get that this is sudden. It’s just with my age, I’m worried about leaving it too long and then obviously my career adds another layer of complication. I have the opportunity to block out time after the Tour ends without my team getting suspicious. I was hoping we could maybe start trying then. I’m sorry it has to be planned out this way.”
“Tay, you don’t need to apologize. Plenty of people have these discussions and plan when to have a family. Hell, there’s a reason most children of NFL players are born in the off-season.” He pulls her in close, burying his face in her hair, giving the memory of the night she asked him to start a family a chance to sink in and take hold.
He begins drawing circles slowly up her back until he reaches her cascading curls. Twisting his hand through her hair, he pulls her head back and lowers his face to within an inch of hers, “But I think we better get lots of practice in before November,” he whispers and then crushes her mouth to his.
The timer on her phone jolts Taylor back to the present moment. She chews on her bottom lip as she silences it. She’s a mix of giddiness and nerves. Silently she psychs herself up to flip the test over. It’s okay if it says not pregnant, they’ll just keep trying she reminds herself. But if it does say pregnant, she’ll be over the moon.
Should she wake Travis? Should he be here for this moment? But she doesn’t want to give him false hope and selfishly she wants this moment for herself, to be able to react and process on her own first. She tells herself she’ll look on the count of three, mentally counting backwards in her head. On one, she grabs the test in her shaking hand and flips it over to reveal the results.
She lets out a sob and sinks to the floor. Tears fall quickly, blurring the pregnant result. She knew it, of course she knew it. She’s pregnant, pregnant with their child. How blessed she is to have had Travis walk into her life and now to have given her this beautiful gift. She wraps her arms around her knees and wipes her tears on the arm of her sweater, test still clutched in her hand. The bathroom spins for a moment in her excitement, but she quickly regains her senses.
This moment will inevitably be burned in her memory forever and most likely captured in a song, although she’s not sure even she could ever perfectly put what she’s feeling right now into words; the love, the excitement, the nerves and fear all combining into a feeling so surreal she’s not sure she’ll be able to stand anytime soon. “Tay, are you okay?” She hears Travis call from bed. Shit, she didn’t realize he’d awoken. “I’ll be out in a minute,” she calls back in a shaky voice.
She’d wanted to surprise him later tonight after practice. The Chiefs are in the hunt for the AFC Championship, and she doesn’t want to distract him, but he’ll easily be able to tell something is up when she steps back into the bedroom and she doesn’t want to lie. Hauling herself up off the floor, a feat she didn’t think she was capable of just a few minutes ago, she washes her face and brushes her teeth before slipping the test up the sleeve of her sweater.
Cracking the door, she slips back into the ethereal early morning glow of the bedroom. As he shifts in bed and his gaze lands upon her, tears immediately begin to well and slide down her cheeks. Damn, how did she ever think she’d be able to hold onto her news until tonight. “Tay, what’s wrong?” he asks sitting upright in the bed now. “Come here,” he motions for her to sit in his lap as he braces himself against the headboard. Grateful to relieve her now shaking legs, she curls herself around him, burying her face in his chest.
“Hey, it’s okay,” he soothes rubbing her back and kissing the top of her head. “It’s okay, we’ll keep trying.” She lets out a shaky breath, so he did remember the dates. Pulling back from his chest she simply removes her arms from around his neck and pulls the test from the sleeve of her sweater and holds it out to him. “Tay, does that say what I think it says?” he locks his gaze with hers and as she nods, tears begin running down his face.
He pulls her in close sobbing silently into the crook of her neck. “I love you so much,” he says over and over. Thank you for making my dream of a family come true.” Eventually, his lips find hers and the kiss they share is so tender and sweet. “Can I make love to you?” he whispers against her lips after deepening the kiss ever so slightly. She nods her ascent but then quickly remembers, “just be gentle with my boobs Trav, they’re so sore.”
He nods in understanding then takes the test from her hand and places it on the nightstand. Silently, he flips them over so she’s laying in the soft enclave of pillows and sheets. He plans to worship every inch of her, this beautiful woman who is now carrying his child, giving him one of the greatest gifts he could ever imagine.
Later, after he’s shown her just how grateful and in love with her he is, as they’re lying spooned together his hand resting on her stomach, he makes her a promise. “I promise to love and cherish you always, to stand by your side no matter what comes our way, and to give you my unwavering support and devotion, and when you’re ready, I’ll make those same promises to you before God, our families and our friends.”
She turns to face him cradling his head in her hands. “Travis, I promise to love and cherish you always, to stand by your side no matter what comes our way and to give you my unwavering support and devotion, and I’d make these promises to you before God, our families and our friends today if I could.”
He plasters his mouth to hers and proceeds to worship her all over again. He’ll take his time, plan the perfect proposal and eventually marry the gorgeous, insanely brilliant and talented woman before him, but for now, simply having her in his arms with their unborn child between them is enough.
She’s on cloud nine and she wants to bottle this feeling for the inevitable tough days ahead as they navigate parenthood, marriage and their careers, but for now, she settles for living in the moment with him and their unborn child between them.