Chapter Text
Kaveh didn't like androids from the moment they started hitting markets. They were too similar to humans. They freaked him out more than anything. And some of the prices on those things- you would think you were buying an entire town! For a computer shaped like a person.
Artificial intelligence was the way to solve problems, the way to let humans do the important things while they did laundry or drove the human's car. Automatically bought groceries or fixed that cracking windshield. It made Kaveh feel woozy to even think about it. The more affordable ones were more marketed as something akin to an Alexa or Siri. Confined to your house, emotionless and unfeeling, yet staggeringly human looking. Some even had sex toys attached to them, just to isolate the people using them even more.
That's stupid. Everyone has a cell phone. Use google. It's not hard to tap a screen or a keyboard to answer any questions you have. And a dildo- a cheap one- was 20 Mora tops. People are too picky.
Kaveh groaned lightly, realizing he had gotten distracted again. He couldn't focus on this sketch for the life of him. The first commission he had gotten in months, and he had no inspiration to finish. He set his pencil aside and kicked himself away from the desk, the wheels of his chair skating across the ground. As if on cue, the doorbell went off. Kaveh's stomach twisted in hunger. Must be Collei again, Kaveh thought…
As he opened the door, three pops went off and he was covered in confetti. Ah.
“Happy almost birthday!” Tighnari announced, Collei blowing into a noisemaker that honestly made Kaveh's head spin. He smiled anyway, though, picking confetti out of his hair.
“Ah… I wasn't expecting all three of you. Please, come in. I was about to take a break anyw…” Kaveh focused in on the box behind them. The thing was taller than Tighnari and Cyno which, and he would never say this aloud, was not saying much. He narrowed his eyes and stepped back.
“I hope you didn't spend a fortune on… whatever that is.” Kaveh comments, helping them get it inside.
“It wasn't much,” Cyno says with a shrug, “we all pitched in.” Kaveh had half a mind to ask if it was a tent, based on that comment. But he wouldn't walk into another one of Cyno's jokes. They all went to the living room to chat and eat the cake that Collei ran back to Tighnari's car to get. Kaveh eyed the package out of the corner of his eye. Maybe a new easel? No, that thing was too fucking big..
Some project for him? Like a dresser or shelf he has to build himself? Maybe. A huge box of ingredients and food, perhaps.
“Are you just gonna stare at it?” Tighnari snapped him out of his thoughts, “it's yours. You can open it, Kaveh.” Kaveh looked at him for a moment. He set down his plate and walked over to the box, pulling off the large pink bow on the side of it. He grabbed the nearest sharp thing- a screwdriver he left on a side table for.. whatever reason- and stabbed it into the tape. He tore through it and opened the box. He tilts his head at the sight of the silvery box inside. He opened it a bit more.
“Oh, no..” he mutters, his eyebrows knitting together as he opened the box completely. He stopped there.
“Whose idea was this?” He asked calmly, looking over at the group. Tighnari stood up, walking to his side.
“Kaveh, calm down. It wasn't expensive-”
“That's not really what I'm worried about.”
“I know you hate them, but listen. This can make things a lot better. Easier.” Tighnari's voice dropped to a whisper as he continued. “I know it's been getting worse lately. And even if it's not human, it can help you feel better. Having something to talk to can help a lot.”
Kaveh was not having it.
“If I needed someone to talk to, I would call you. Or Cyno. Hell, even Collei! This thing is not-” Kaveh looked over at it. Its eyes were shut and the expression on its face was calm. Silvery hair fell gently around its face. It was awful. And perfect. And Kaveh let out a huff. He looked back at Tighnari.
“Please just try. I really don't want to return it. The lady who sold it to us almost didn't sell it to us and was really stuck up, asking why we wanted one that wasn't coded right. She insisted we would return it before next week. I want to prove her snarky ass wrong. Just- please.” Tighnari whispers, smiling kindly at Kaveh. Kaveh glanced back at Cyno and Collei. Then back at the android. His eyes turned to the ground and he sighed.
“Help me get it out of the box…”
-
“So, what did you mean it was coded wrong?” Kaveh asked while Collei insisted on reading the start-up instructions. The android was sat on Kaveh's favorite chair, limp and lifeless.
“Oh, yeah. It wasn't really the code. But it has a bit of a bug. While other androids were cheery and happy to be a human's assistant, apparently he was sarcastic and even ignored a few testers directly when asking him obvious questions. He was marked down to only 5,000 Mora. Any other android like him is worth at least 5 times that. The day we went in, they were fully planning to toss him in a dump.” Tighnari recounted the story while Cyno helped Collei figure out what tabs to pull and what buttons to press. Kaveh hummed, glancing over at the android.
“So, what are you gonna name him?” Collei asks, looking over at Kaveh. “They all need names to help calibration. And I don't think you wanna call him Ai dash H417TH4M dash 021120220719202289… jeez, he has a long serial code.” Kaveh reached over and took the booklet from her.
“Wait, that says Ai? I thought it said Al…” He mutters, squinting lightly. He supposed it made more sense that way.
“Yeah, cuz he's an artificial intelligence. An ai. Not an al.” Collei corrects with a slight smile. Cyno looks over Kaveh's shoulder.
“It looks like… Al-Haitham. Alhaitham. Like that ancient scolar… Ibn Al-Haytham.” Cyno points out, making Tighnari nod a bit.
“Oh, yeah, I didn't even think of that..” Tighnari mutters, glancing over at the android. Kaveh shrugs.
“So, I'm calling him Alhaitham, then?”
“Sure, it works.”
“It sorta suits him!” Collei says, going over and pressing some of his hair down that was sticking out. Kaveh hummed, flipping through the booklet and walking over to Alhaitham. He shooed Collei away and pressed a few more buttons. Then he held down one on his chest, shaped like a strange crystal, until it glowed.
The android jolted lightly and a jingle played from.. a speaker in his throat, Kaveh reasoned.
“Thank you for shopping with The Sumerian Akademiya. Please register your name.” A voice sounded. The android was limp again, but it sure was on.
“Uh- Kaveh..?”
“Kaveh. Is this correct?” The voice sounded again.
“Yeah.. yes.”
“Perfect. Please register a name for your AI.”
“Alhaitham.” Kaveh replied, slowing it down a bit to make sure it picked up correctly.
“Alhaitham. Is this correct?” The voice chimed. Kaveh nodded a bit. Then he remembered to speak.
“Yes, correct.”
“Splendid! Now is the not so fun part. Alhaitham will need a few minutes to calibrate. Please wait for a moment.” A soft whirring noise began and the room fell into silence.
Kaveh glanced over at Tighnari, who was still watching the android.
“So, uh… I think I have some wine in my cabinets. Who wants some while we wait?”
-
Alhaitham didn't take “a few minutes,” as the voice claimed. In fact, Kaveh woke up the next morning and Alhaitham was still loading up! What could this thing possible be doing that took over 14 hours?!
Kaveh shrugged it off. Not like he needed it anyway. He started on some coffee, glancing over at the clock on the wall. Only 8? Really? Kaveh couldn't remember the last time he had gotten up that early. Maybe that thing was already working. Hallelujah.
Kaveh snickered at himself, shaking his head while pouring himself some coffee. Stupid. He took a sip of the liquid.. blegh.. this stuff was cheap. Too bitter. He stirred a spoonful of sugar into the liquid, taking another sip.
“You just added an extra 250 calories to that.” A voice rang out from the living room. Kaveh jumped in surprise, his head snapping to where Alhaitham was sitting, his eyes now open. He was sitting up straight, his face now a bit sterner. Kaveh swallowed a bit.
“Ah… I didn't… know you were..” was awake the right word? Was Kaveh scared of offending this thing? That was stupid!
“Yes, well, here I am. Your home is a bit messy. Your books on that shelf are highly disorganized. Your hair is a mess. You have dried spit on your cheek. Maybe you're just a messy person?” Kaveh felt his face warm from embarrassment. He scoffed.
“That's sorta rude, Alhaitham. Aren't you supposed to be nice?” Kaveh asked, looking away and drinking his coffee. Alhaitham smirked slightly.
“I'm already going to answer your questions and clean your house. Isn't that nice enough?” He retorted, crossing one leg over the other.
“No you're not. You'll probably organize things all weirdly. And I have a phone I can ask questions. You're just here so my friend can prove a rude saleswoman wrong.” Kaveh says, setting the coffee pot back in its spot and walking into the living room to face Alhaitham directly.
“Oh, really? And what should I do in the meantime? Sit around in your house until you decide to get rid of me?”
“... Yes.”
Alhaitham wasn't very amused with that answer. He glanced around the room, familiarizing himself with his surroundings. He hummed lightly, shaking his head.
“No, that won't do. I won't let myself experience boredom. Give me a task to complete.” Alhaitham demanded, crossing his arms. Kaveh was amused. He rolled his eyes.
“Yeah? Or what?” He mocked, snickering to himself lightly. Alhaitham stood up. Kaveh shut up.
Why the fuck did they make these things so tall?
“If I have nothing to do for long enough, I'll go into sleep mode. I have to be plugged in during sleep mode. It'll drive up your electricity bill.” Alhaitham states, walking curiously around the room. Then out of the room. Kaveh followed him.
“Wha- where are you going?!”
“I'm memorizing my new home. I have to. Calibration.” Alhaitham says, wandering into Kaveh's room. Kaveh followed closely.
“Ok- well- get out of my room! You don't need to memorize that! Besides, it's messy, and-” Kaveh cut himself off, watching Alhaitham ignore him. He watched Alhaitham pick up his dirty laundry and pile it into a basket without further ado. Then he straightened out his blankets and sheets.
“Hey- stop that!” Kaveh demanded. Alhaitham ignored him, opening his closet. He hummed, pushing all of his clothes together. Then he started making everything color coded- in order of the rainbow. Kaveh watched helplessly. Once he finished, he turned his eyes down to the dresser. He reached for the top drawer and Kaveh all but shrieked. He slammed the drawer shut as soon as Alhaitham opened it. Alhaitham looked over at him.
“Stop it. Go see the other rooms.” Kaveh insisted firmly, his face warm. Alhaitham stared at him for a moment. Then he pulled his hands back and shrugged, going back out of his room. Kaveh let out a sigh and shut the closet door. Then he left the room as well, making sure Alhaitham wouldn't wreak havoc elsewhere.
This was going to be a long week...