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It felt like he was being punished by God, like he was at fault for everything that happened. Zam laid in his bed, hands gently rubbing the scar that was around his neck in a ring. He felt disgusting, fake, and worst of all he didn't feel real. None of this felt real, no part of what happened to him or the events leading up to it felt real. Yet at the same time everything felt so scarily real that he wanted to cry his eyes out into his pillows, beg some god for his forgiveness.
Zam couldn't describe the way it felt when everyone was out to get you, when your world was ending and everyone else's was continuing. It was a horrible feeling though, one that'd shake you to your core and leave you reeling in its aftermath. To Zam, it was a normal every day feeling, something only pushed to the side and ignored when he was with people who made him feel on top of the world. He didn't have anyone anymore, only Mapicc and Roshambo, and even then, that was the equivalence of nothing.
He wrapped his blanket tighter around him, shrinking into the mattress instead of facing the lights shining into his windows from the rising sun. Zam was more than content spending the rest of his life in that bed, staying there until he died from starvation or some internal issue from never moving. Yet nothing he was content with doing was something he was ever allowed to do, not by his own choice. It felt like every time he got around to trying to do something he wanted there was always a disturbance.
The creaking of his floorboards sent him into a panic, sitting straight up with widened eyes. It was only when he saw the red horns and black hair popping out from behind the corner did he feel remotely safe. Why Mapicc was creeping around rather announcing his existence was beyond his knowledge, but it was comforting enough to know another living soul that wouldn't kill him was here. At least not kill him right away, Mapicc always wanted something out of Zam, at least he could be useful again before he dies.
Mapicc wasn't alone this time, Zam noted. Roshambo walked straight out from the corner, not bothering to be a creep like his counterpart was being. Instead, he nudged Mapicc with one of his floating hands- something Zam never quite understood how it worked but nonetheless found cool. The two stood in front of Zam's bed, at first saying nothing until Ro broke the silence with some whisper to Mapicc then a glance at Zam before around the entirety of his room.
"Why are you guys here? I thought you were turning everything into obsidian last night?" Roshambo gave Zam a judging but questioning look, his eyebrow slightly raised and his eyes narrowed. It was like Zam asked him an impossible question to solve that sounded dumb, but it was in Zam's opinion a very good and super warranted question given the circumstance.
"Yeah, last night, genius. We're here because Ro and I wanted to ask you for another favor, or something." Mapicc seemed like he was nervous- not scared or conflicted, but nervous. Zam knew he wasn't nervous because of him or the thought of what Zam would think if Mapicc got it on with and answered, but he couldn't tell why he sounded nervous still. Something about the way he spoke, the way he stood, and the way he stared at Zam told him so many different things at the same time.
All he could do was give a simple nod, and that was enough to get Ro and Mapicc both to sit on the bed, next to Zam's legs. It was clear Zam wanted answers, and it was clear he wanted them immediately. "What's the favor?" He raised his eyebrows, looking interested more than he looked anything else, and that earned a scoff from Roshambo and a comment under his breath of how Zam was seemingly impatient. It was playful banter, something Zam couldn't find himself loving any less than before Medusa, before the feelings got messy.
They never did respond to him though. Zam was completely left in the dark, up until Ro's hand slowly inched its way up Zam's thigh. Oh, that's what they wanted. He looked at the two of them, the eye contact reciprocated as he simply nodded. What else could he say, what else could he do? He owed them after all, maybe getting himself killed and assumedly banned wasn't enough to win over their love. If this was how he could keep his best friends around then it's the least he could do.
Zam owes them, after all. He owes them his life and more.