Archive of Our Own

Lovino doesn't hate his job at the cafe... not exactly.

There's moments to it that are completely worth it, like the fact that he gets to make good food and coffee for people who  –  for the most part  –  enjoy it, and he gets paid for it.

As someone whose family emigrated from poverty in Italy when he was a young teen, he's honestly never had two dollars to rub together and suddenly, at nineteen, he gets a wage for doing something he's been doing since he was a kid for free, feeding his family and his school-friends with things he made himself on Nonna's rickety old gas-fired stove. That’s the part he loves.

But at the same time, there's more than a few elements to it that he absolutely hates without question.

One of them is his boss.

The Asshole Bastard, as Lovino calls him, or Roderich to his friends, is a hard-ass who works his employees harder than he enforces the correct way to make coffee – and Lovino knows how to make coffee correctly, thankyou very much, he is Italian – and he will never do anything he can get someone else to do for not enough pay.

Like scrub vomit off the floor when some little kid comes in and can't handle their chicken nuggets. Or deal with Mr Kirkland for the third time that week when he comes in and demands tea when they've never sold tea, we don't have tea in stock Mr Kirkland, please go home you smell like whiskey and Guinness, literally everyone here knows that you’ve been down the bar all night...

And of course, there's the times when he has to work nights because he was the last guy who got asked and Kiku must have pulled some delicate strings to get out of it and Feliks faked an injury and had his boyfriend Toris come pick him up and then Elizaveta called in sick and then drove past the shop blaring her music, whooping out the window with her boyfriend Gilbert in the front seat yelling curses at Asshole Bastard, who deserved it, but... well.

Either way, Lovino is stuck working the late shift.

Which isn't so bad – no-one comes in the whole night except Feliciano's boyfriend Ludwig, who always ends up working late at his paper-pushing job in the high riser across the street.

Lovino isn't a fan of the guy but he never tries to make conversation when he comes to get his 9pm coffee, and he opts instead hulk awkwardly in the corner while he waits and then stride quickly back across the street, and that's just fine with Lovino.

This night shift was pretty much the same as every other night shift – he does a cursory sweep of the floor when it hits 10:30pm and there's half an hour until closing time, because he hates cleaning and he hates it even more when he knows it's the only thing stopping him from going home.

He puts all the day old stock in the "Specials" window, which basically means that everything from sachertorte – Asshole Bastard's specialty – to donuts that they haven’t sold for the day can be bought for a dollar in a last attempt to get rid of it before it gets binned.

As he empties the last of the day old donuts into the window and turns to start getting ready to clean up behind the counter for close, a figure comes along the sidewalk and stops in front of the store, looking in the window. A few moments later the bell above the door rings, and Lovino turns, watching as a young man steps into the cafe, dressed in jeans and a hoodie, blond hair wild and smile wide. Lovino gives a cursory nod, since he never mastered the "customer service" smile and only ever ended up making a little kid cry last time he tried it.

The guy smiles back, waving enthusiastically, and Lovino crosses his arms at him, cocking his head.

"What can I get for you?"

The guy just grins, rubbing his hands together and blowing on them.

"It's really cold out, could I get something hot to drink?"

Lovino just shrugs, walking over to the coffee machine and making to turn it on before the guy exclaims and Lovino jumps, frowning over at him.

"What?"

The guy shakes his hands and head frantically.

"Not coffee, sorry! Could I get, uh, like… hot chocolate or something?"

Lovino just sighs.

"Sure, I guess it's kind of late for coffee anyway.”

The guy makes a non-committal noise and movement with his head, moving wildly from side to side like he can't make a movement without it being large, and Lovino just busies himself with a paper cup and cocoa powder while the guy speaks.

"Yeah, I guess it is. I still gotta make it through an all-nighter, I have a paper due tomorrow morning... but I've got a whole case of Red Bull back in my dorm, I just had the munchies and wanted something to eat.”

He grins over his glasses at Lovino, who frowns confusedly before the guy continues.

"... and now I'm looking for something hot, but it looks like I found that."

He winks, clearly trying to look suave – but he only just barely manages to wink and not blink.

Lovino takes a moment to decipher exactly what he’s saying – but when he does he blushes, ducking his head and turning back to the mug.

It’s too late for this shit.

It only takes a few more moments before the water boils and Lovino empties it in, making it two thirds milk and the last third water, like his Nonna always used to. He grips the cup for a few seconds to make sure it's the right temperature – not too hot to scald tongues, not cold enough to be disappointing  –  and then he nods, turning to place it on the counter.

Asshole Bastard prefers all water because it saves on milk and therefore money, but screw him. This guy hasn't been a complete annoyance to deal with, but his hoodie is old and worn, and he looks like he doesn't have an awful lot of money to spare.

Lovino knows that feeling too well, and he thinks that a little bit of extra milk isn't going to kill anyone.

The guy grins widely at Lovino when he turns, rifling through his pockets for just enough spare change and placing it on the counter triumphantly.

Lovino notices that he doesn't ask for anything else though, and he frowns.

"Hey, didn’t you say you came in for something to eat?"

The guy nods, looking a bit bashful.

"Yeah... but it looks like I ran out of change, so I'm just gonna have to pull through. Thanks though!"

He turns to go, and Lovino frowns in thought, looking over to the "Specials" window and straightening a little.

"Hey, wait!"

The guy turns back, blue eyes wide behind his glasses, and Lovino idly thinks about how the glint of the glasses makes the guy's bright blue eyes seem to shimmer.

Then he shakes his head and walks out from behind the counter, pointing to the “Specials” window and wondering why he’s trying so hard to make this guy happy.

"You wanna take some of this shit? I'm just going to throw it out in fifteen minutes anyway, you might as well have it."

The guy watches as Lovino walks over to the window, pulling a box out from under the display and placing a bunch of donuts in it.

Once he realises what Lovino is doing though he runs over, looking like an overexcited dog.

"Dude, seriously? Oh my god, you're the best!"

Lovino just shrugs, keeping his gaze down so he doesn't have to look the guy in the eyes. He fills the box with whatever comes to hand in the window,  then hands it to him, specifically not looking at the smile he can tell is taking up every inch of the guy's face, because if he does he's going to blush again, and that's just embarrassing.

"Dude you're amazing, oh wow! What can I do to pay you back, there's gotta be something!"

Lovino just shrugs, shaking his head and walking back to his place behind the counter.

"It's fine, just get outta here before my boss catches me not trying to rip people off."

He's surprised when he's caught in an enthusiastic hug from behind though, and his eyes widen when he feels surprisingly muscular arms spin him around and hold him tightly against a surprisingly firm chest for a few seconds.

"Seriously, you're the best... I gotta come back and see you again, are you on tomorrow?"

Lovino gives up on maintaining his modesty and blushes madly, looking down and mumbling.

"Yeah, I am..."

The guy looks down, catching Lovino's nametag.

"Well... "Love-eye-no", I'm Alfred – and I guess I'll catch you tomorrow!"

He releases Lovino, almost skipping back to the display where he left the box and his hot chocolate before collecting both and grinning at Lovino, bobbing his head to some beat only he can hear – and it's then that Lovino notices that he has an untameable curl bouncing on his forehead, much like his own.

"Seeya Love-y!"

He whirls out of the shop, and Lovino just stands there for a few moments, wondering why for once, he doesn't mind someone butchering his name so ridiculously and why his cheeks are still a flaming red, even ten minutes later.

**

As it turns out, Alfred doesn't just come back the next day.

He also comes back the day after that, and the day after that... and then, days turn into a week. Then a week turns into two weeks, then three.

Sometimes he comes in between his classes – he's doing a film course at the local college – and sometimes it's right at opening, or when Lovino's closing up. He seems to quickly develop a sixth sense for when Lovino’s shift is on any particular day, and Lovino slowly comes to look forward to seeing him, just a tiny bit.

Once, Elizaveta tells Lovino that he'd come in while Lovino was out on his break, and had been extremely depressed once she'd had to turn him away.

She immediately starts questioning Lovino on who Alfred is, and Lovino draws up blanks to most of her questions, because in all honesty, he has no idea who Alfred is.

Over the course of the next few weeks he learns tidbits, but the guy is honestly still a huge mystery.

He comes in a few times with a camera and takes some shots here and there for assignments, of salt shakers and straw holders and milkshake glasses, zooming in and out and moving around madly to angle himself just the right way.

Lovino asks him if he’s one of those "Starbucks hipsters" and Alfred just laughs, saying "nah, only if you want me to be".

Once, he comes in with a film camera, and when Lovino catches him filming him when he was cooking he whaps him with a wooden spoon for coming behind the counter AND being a creep before asking what the hell he was doing.

Alfred just exclaims that "that was perfect, oh wow" and Lovino just stares in confusion before Alfred explains that his assignment is to create a short film of opposites, and that his opposites are "sweet and sour".

"You're both at the same time, it's perfect!"

And of course, there’s the strange way Alfred has of being clumsily flirtatious that keeps catching Lovino embarrassingly off guard.

Once, he asks Lovino to teach him some Italian, and after he teaches him to actually say Lovino’s name properly and “I like the coffee” he gets bored – but he still leaves a little scribbled note on a napkin with a tiny caricature of himself and Lovino and “mi piace Lovi” written next to it, making Lovino blush and shove it into his pocket hoping no-one saw when he finds it.

Alfred barely ever has change to get anything on the menu, but seems often just to be showing up to say hi – and Lovino feels so bad that he often gives him something anyway.

A few times Alfred comes in at closing time and grudgingly admits he hasn’t eaten that day when he’s interrupted by his stomach loudly growling, so Lovino cooks him something up quick while no-one’s there to tell him not to.

More often than not it’s pasta, something he can prepare quickly and knows how to do fifty different ways blindfolded and by heart from years of practise, and sometimes it’s something more adventurous – but no matter what he makes Alfred always loves it, even that one disastrous time he’d attempted an American style burger... yeah, even that, somehow.

Sometimes they sit together and just share the meal until well past closing time, sometimes until it was nearing midnight and Lovino would only realise with a jump when the clock on the street corner started chiming.

The greatest mystery about Alfred though is why he keeps coming. It could be just that he's getting free food – as a starving college student free food is a divine blessing – but that doesn't seem right. Alfred's too kind-hearted to do that, and the “kind-hearted” act is not just for Lovino’s benefit.

There are times when he says he can't afford to get anything on the menu because rent was due that week, then walks across the road and puts the only two quarters in his pocket in the hat of a homeless veteran on the sidewalk.

The only reason that makes sense to Lovino is that Alfred's coming to see him – but that's ridiculous.

He's just sour, grumpy Lovino, who in their right mind would come especially just to see him?

**

It's one night when Lovino's closing up again that the little bubble of comfort he’s gotten used to gets burst.

Asshole Bastard is in one of the backrooms, counting money probably, and Alfred shows up at about 10pm and waits around in the cafe for the last hour of Lovino's shift, just talking to him like he did, all smiles and excited little jitters.

Lovino isn't often one for idle chitchat, especially when his boss can probably hear him, but Alfred is always this strange exception, and Alfred doesn't seem to mind that he has to hold most of the conversation because Lovino’s trying to be professional.  The hour ticks by easily, and they keep hushing each other just in case Roderich hears them and it’s almost like a game, which Lovino even finds himself enjoying by the end. It’s ten minutes before 11 when Lovino starts to clean up and shut up shop, and as always, Alfred insists on helping out, despite not at all having to.

"Hey, it's a crappy job, and if you hate it as much as I do then you'll be happy it's over quicker, right?"

They're done mopping and wiping down tables and putting up chairs at about 5 minutes to 11 with Alfred's help, and Lovino's so grateful he puts ten dollars in the till and splits what's left of the day old stock with him.

It's as they're eating donuts and laughing at the cream getting on each other's faces that there's a very familiar car that pulls up outside the cafe, and Lovino's blood runs a little bit cold as an even more familiar figure steps out of it.

He turns to Alfred who is still obliviously wiping cream off the corner of his mouth, only just realising how “couple-y” they look, and he feels a pang of guilt and regret before Alfred looks up and notices something on Lovino's face that tells him the game is over.

"Lovino, what is it?"

Lovino just shakes his head.

"Alfred, I… you... nothing, nothing’s wrong…”

He's so nervous and shaky he almost calls him "Alfredo" and has to double check in his mind to make sure he didn't just say the whole sentence in Italian.

Alfred just frowns, looking from Lovino over to where Lovino cannot help but stare, at the attractive, dark haired man that just stepped out of the car across the street. Despite the fact that Lovino wouldn't have labelled Alfred as particularly intellectual he can see the cogs ticking and he turns back to Lovino with a question on his lips.

But he can't answer, he's never been able to answer this. Never.

Not even to Antonio himself, when he'd taken Lovino's hands gently and asked him “what's wrong, carino", not when Antonio told him "you're so cold towards me", not when Antonio had said "let's have a break" and had let him go, with his heart aching for all the love he couldn't bring himself to give, even to someone as beautiful as Antonio.

There's no way he can even begin to explain to Alfred.

Lovino stutters a few syllables, trying to buy himself time to think up something to say, but he’s saved from having to answer by the door to the back room opening, and in a sudden wave of panic he stands up hurriedly and grabs the broom next to the table, hoping it looks like he was doing something.

Roderich, the asshole, doesn’t even look up from his phone, instead just waving a hand at him as he walks past to the door, overcoat swishing around his calves and shoes clicking on the floor that Lovino just mopped.

“I assume you’re competent enough to lock up, Lovino, so I’ll leave it in your capable hands.”

Lovino just nods before realising that Roderich’s not even looking at him, so he mutters something quickly about “sure, yessir” with his voice threatening to crack, and mentally hits himself when Roderich looks up, delicate brows drawn together in a slightly concerned frown.

“Are you alright, Lovino?”

Lovino just nods, very aware of the fact that he’s most probably really white in the face and he’s clutching the broom too tightly to be normal.

“Yeah, I’m fine…”

Roderich just smiles, and it’s such a strange thing to see that Lovino almost drops his broom – most of the time the guy is frowning or scowling or sighing. He hardly ever smiles, let alone genuinely like he is now.

Lovino suddenly realises that he looks so much younger when he’s smiling like this; he only has to be a few years older than Lovino himself, mid-twenties at the oldest, and it’s such a strange realisation that he’s still staring as Roderich nods almost regally in a farewell.

“Well, have a good night then.”

Then he looks away, exiting the café and starting to walk across the quiet street.

Towards the car that had just rolled up and made Lovino’s heart stop.

And it’s then that Antonio turns, and Lovino sees the smile that used to make his days bright and his life wonderful, and he sees it directed at someone who isn’t him.

He sees it directed at the man who’s crossing the street, at Lovino’s boss, at the man that Lovino wasn’t even sure was capable of showing emotion until a few moments ago.

Roderich.

Roderich reaches Antonio and reaches out warmly to him, kissing him tenderly on both cheeks and smiling brightly as he gets into the passenger seat of the car, and Antonio just smiles softly at him, his face lit up in a loving expression that’s so tender that Lovino feels his heart break all over again, because Antonio had never looked at him that way.

And Lovino realises that he can’t deal with this.

Not now.

He needs to get out, get away from the scene that’s threatening to break him.

So instead, like the coward he is, he just dives towards the door, locking it and slamming off the lights in one smooth movement.

It's then that Antonio flinches at seeing the movement out the corner of his eye and turns from looking down at Roderich to looking behind him, and he locks eyes with Lovino for the second it takes for Lovino to find the switch and hit it, plunging the cafe into darkness.

"Lovino, what's going on?"

Alfred has stood up from his seat to walk up behind Lovino, and as Lovino’s breath catches in his throat and his heart beats against his ribs like a bird trying to escape from its cage, Alfred places a hand on Lovino's shoulder gently.

Antonio, illuminated by the streelights outside the cafe, just stares in, eyes wide, and Lovino's frozen to the spot, heart hammering, when he sees his mouth move in his name.

"Lovino?"

Lovino can feel his head shaking, can feel his cheeks become wet, and wordlessly he grabs Alfred's hand from his shoulder, turning and pulling him further back into the cafe.

Silently, ignoring the questions he can hear pouring out of the blond boy, he just pushes Alfred out the back door and into the alleyway behind the cafe, slamming the door behind him, collapsing against the wall and putting his head in his hands, defeated.

He can’t do this again. He sees Antonio’s face, broken and dead when he left, and he sees him as he stood across the road, so alive and happy, like Lovino had killed him and he’d only just been brought back to life, and he sees the confused sadness on his face just then, like Lovino had brought him down by existing…

Lovino squeezes his eyes shut against his thoughts, the cold night air seeming to pulse around him, and there's a moment where he waits for Alfred to call him crazy, to curse at him for being so weird and storm off.

But it doesn't come.

Instead, he can hear Alfred shifting around in front of him, and then he feels hands settle softly on his, prying them away from his face gently.

"Lovino, what is it? Are you ok?"

He's not ok. He can feel that he's not ok. Surely Alfred can see that he's not ok, and yet when he finally looks up from his shoes, he sees Alfred's shining blue eyes behind his glasses, just waiting patiently, smiling softly at him.

"Hey, you're ok, it's ok. No-one's gonna get you, I'm here."

That shouldn't be comforting, it shouldn't. He knows that. He knows that any second now Antonio's probably going to round the corner, and Alfred will find out what Lovino does to people who get too close, and he's never going to come back to spend another lazy Sunday or slow late night with him again. Lovino doesn't think he could stand it if that happens.

But Alfred is just standing there, not demanding anything, just giving his hands a gentle squeeze and a little encouraging smile, and he swallows, launching himself forward and throwing his arms around Alfred's shoulders, feeling himself start to sob in earnest.

"I'm sorry," he chokes out, hearing his stupid accent getting in the way of the words and he curses himself for being so pathetic and stupid and broken and selfish...

But a second passes, then another, and all that happens is that Alfred’s arms come up around Lovino's waist, holding him tight and close, and his hands pat his back gently, and it's such a comfort that it just makes him cry harder.

"Hey, it's ok, it's ok... I got you."

No-one’s held him like this since the last time Antonio told him goodbye; he’d never let anyone this close since, had definitely never let anyone see him cry.

It’s like several months’ worth of pain that he’s tried to stomp down and smother pours its way out of him now, and Alfred just holds him through it, like a lighthouse in a storm, without even knowing what’s going on.

It takes a few moments before the tears cry themselves out, and Lovino doesn't hear anyone come into the alleyway, and Alfred has started swaying gently and it's almost like he's getting danced slowly around the alley.

Finally, he lifts his head from Alfred's shoulder, looking up into his shining blue eyes for a moment before he pulls back, folding an arm across himself self-consciously, rubbing it up and down while he looks away and wipes his face with the other hand.

"I'm sorry. You, I.... I'm sorry."

Alfred just shakes his head, smiling indulgently.

"You don't have to be sorry, I just want to know you're ok! Who was that guy, did he hurt you?"

Lovino looks up at him, feeling that his eyes are still red and his face is probably blotchy from crying, and Alfred just smiles at him like he's the most beautiful thing and Lovino doesn't think he can stand it. He has to come clean.

"Alfred, I... that was my ex. He's one of the best guys I've ever met and I... I destroyed him."

Alfred's face fell, and he took a step forward, full of concern.

"Lovino, what d'you  –  "

Lovino just turns from him, huddling himself with his own arms, unable to look at him.

"He was incredible to me, and even though he was so amazing I fell out of love with him. I... I fell out of love with the best person to ever happen to me, and in the end he had to end it because he couldn't do it anymore. He couldn’t wake up every day looking at a boy who didn’t love him, couldn’t come home to someone who was so cold towards him, I… I ruined it, I ruined him. I trapped him in a relationship he didn’t want for months and I refused to let him go before it turned completely sour and I refused to let him go while he still had respect for me and I…"

He bites his lip, closing his eyes and mumbling the end to his story, turning to go.

"Don't get close to me Alfred, I just hurt people. I’m a disappointment, I always am, I’m always less than you think I am. I... I think you should stop coming."

But before he can take a step, he feels a hand on his shoulder, placing itself gently but steadily.

“Lovino, did you want to love him?”

Lovino turns back, confused, looking up at Alfred’s steady gaze.

“Alfred, I…”

“Did you want to love him?”

Lovino just gapes up at Alfred, who stares down intently, and for a moment he’s drowning in deep ocean-blue eyes and his shoulder seems to burn underneath Alfred’s hand.

Then he swallows, and with his voice barely louder than a whisper, he answers.

“Yes, I did. I wanted to love him with everything I had… but in the end I gave him nothing.”

Alfred just nods as though Lovino’s just told him the secret to life, and Lovino just stares as a smile grows into place on Alfred’s face, his heart pounding and breath shaky.

“I don’t think it could have been entirely your fault that it fell apart, then.”

Lovino just gapes, not sure what to say, so he settles for the most intelligent thing that comes to mind.

"What?"

Alfred grins brightly.

"I don't see how you could have singlehandedly ruined a relationship Lovino, there's two people in the relationship, right?"

Lovino just stares with wide eyes, and he jumps when he feels a hand slip gently into his, watching as Alfred looks down at their hands and then looks up at him over his glasses, his smile sparkling in his eyes.

"Besides, you're way too sweet. Sour sometimes, yeah, but... you're like a sour strap, kinda sour on the outside but sweet in the middle once you stick around past the sour parts and... I dunno. I think you're pretty cool. I don’t see how you could ruin anything when you wanted to give it your all so bad. You’re not exactly the kind of guy who holds back, and I like that about you."

Lovino just feels that damn blush crawl across his face, and when Alfred starts swinging their hands between them he feels a hesitant, fragile smile start to crawl its way onto his face, and he lets his hand be swung like he’s a small child.

Alfred chuckles, and Lovino feels something in him settle, telling him that maybe things will be ok. Antonio is gone for good but he has this boy in front of him, smiling at him and trying to cheer him up despite him just being his grumpy, scattered and downright mess of a self… maybe things will be ok.

Slowly, Alfred starts walking down the alleyway, gently pulling Lovino along behind him, and Lovino just lets himself be pulled, frowning a little in confusion.

“What are you doing?”

"I dunno, I just thought I'd see you home since you clearly aren't seeing straight. You might need an escort."

Lovino scoffs, rolling his eyes, but he feels a little spark of gratitude settle in his chest, because Alfred isn’t just leaving him with his thoughts, he intends to make sure he’s really ok, and it’s such a nice gesture that he can’t help but just let himself be drawn along, clenching Alfred’s warm hand in his.

Alfred just laughs, the sound exuberant and joyful in the evening air, and Lovino smiles widely when he's sure Alfred can't see it.

"Hey, I'm walking you home right?"

"Well, you're the one who said you were. I'm just going along with whatever you decided, jerk."

"So which way are we walking?"

"We're turning around and walking back to the cafe, because I think I forgot to lock the back door and that… that Asshole Bastard's going to kill me if he finds it unlocked in the morning."

Lovino falters a bit when he thinks of Roderich, but Alfred just squeezes his hand gently before he happily spins on his heel and starts walking back towards the cafe, like a dog who'd been given confusing directions but was just happy to be there.

Lovino's surprised when he hears himself laughing.

He hasn't laughed in so long... and the way Alfred smiles at him when he does makes him feel like, for once, he isn’t the piece of crap he’d convinced himself he must be.

Maybe there’s a way for things to turn out ok after all.

**

The next day, things are… ok. They’re ok.

Alfred comes between his afternoon editing class and his evening film history class, and he keeps Lovino entertained with funny faces and bright smiles, bringing back the light atmosphere he’d created the night before in the face of Lovino’s worry.

He leaves at 5pm though, when Lovino’s shift ends, and it’s then that Lovino’s anxieties of the night before actually started to consume him.

He can’t face Antonio again, not after the way they fell apart, not now that Roderich is part of the picture, the guy who Lovino had always thought was sourer than him for once, who is somehow able to give Antonio what he wants where Lovino couldn’t…

But the worst part is, Antonio knows where to find him now. Lovino can’t just fade into the past, he’s fresh and he’s present and he’s going to make everything ten times worse by just being in the picture, he just knows it.

Maybe he should just resign from his job and move away, removing himself from the situation as much as he can. Hell, why doesn’t he just move back to Italy, pretend he never even came to America, that would just fix everything.

He thinks it but he can’t seriously consider it – every time he thinks of moving away Alfred’s smiling face pops into his mind and he imagines that maybe Alfred might be sad if he left. Maybe. It’s not like he ever offered much to the guy anyway, he’d get over what friendship Lovino offered pretty quick.

All through the walk home his mind tries to consume itself in worry, and by the time he turns the key in the door his hands are shaking and he can barely fit the damn key into the lock.

He flops down on his bed for a while and just stares unseeingly at the ceiling, thoughts even louder now that the white noise of the city is outside his door and he’s left in the silence of his empty apartment.

He’s only interrupted by his phone letting out a little shudder in his pocket, and he pulls it out to find a text from Feliciano asking if he wants to come to family dinner on Sunday night.

He also notices that he has eight voicemails from an unknown number, which immediately makes his worry spike tremendously.

He texts Feliciano back quickly before selecting the first voicemail and pressing the phone to his ear with anticipation, biting his lip and feeling his stomach churn nervously, wondering if it’s the landlord coming to kick him out or Roderich about to fire him.

It’s neither.

Instead, Antonio’s cheerful voice finds its way down the line, and Lovino’s heart seems torn between stopping and beating double time.

It ends up doing some strange mix of both.

“Hi Lovi, how are you? I got your number from Roderich in the end, he didn’t want to give it to me because you’re an employee and it’s confidential information, but I got it out of him anyway and figured I had to call you after… after last night.”

Lovino feels like he’s going to vomit and die of cardiac arrest simultaneously, and his arm sort of freezes in place, so he can’t even tear the phone away from his ear if he wanted to.

He keeps listening, almost forgetting to breathe.

“So… I know we said we were just on a break, but things moved very fast, and I know you saw me with Roderich, so… I guess the thing I wanted to say the most was just I’m sorry.”

Lovino unfreezes a little at that – Antonio isn’t mad? Even after he ran and didn’t talk or anything last night? He wants to apologise?

“I’m sorry because I know in the end you would have blamed yourself for what happened, even when it wasn’t your fault, because you were always kind of like that and I feel terrible for never telling you that it wasn’t true. In the end, you can’t control what your heart wants Lovi – and your heart didn’t want me. Not really. It just wanted the idea you had of me, the person I tried to make you think I was. I don’t blame you for that.”

Lovino doesn’t think his lungs are functioning right now. He feels like his world is unravelling, and everything seems too real – his cotton sheets are almost scratchy, the dim light in his room seems too bright. The only thing that makes sense is Antonio’s voice, so he just desperately keeps listening.

“And the reason your heart didn’t really want me is because my heart didn’t give you everything that you deserved. I spent the whole time we were together wishing you were someone different, and when you finally got tired of trying to make me happy with who you already were, you started to fall out of love with me. That’s fair.”

There’s a sudden, loud beep, his phone alerting him that the message was cut off at that point for being too long, and frantically, he finds the next voicemail and starts to listen to it.

“Oh, it was too long… ok. And you’re still not answering… Uh, where was I… oh yeah, it uh… it wasn’t your fault. Lovino, I could see when we were together that you had so much love to give, and I could see you trying, and you tried so hard. But when it didn’t work out, it wasn’t because you were broken or unable to love, it was because you were throwing everything into a relationship that you took so much more seriously than I did, and it hurt you… and I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

Lovino seems to hurt all over hearing all of this, like they were breaking up all over again.

But at the same time, he feels almost buoyant, like he’s being freed from something that he didn’t know was weighing him down. The idea that maybe the whole thing hadn’t been due to him being useless strikes him suddenly and makes something in his gut unclench a tiny bit, and Antonio’s next words weigh more like a baseball hitting him rather than a train.

“I know you’re probably beating yourself up because you wanted us to get back together and now it looks like it’s not happening, but Lovi… did you really want us to get back together? I mean… you might love me but it doesn’t mean I’m healthy for you, and I think we’ve both found people that we’re happier with, who make us feel more whole.”

Lovino’s face is frozen in a strange, wide eyed expression – he’d forgotten just how good Antonio had been at understanding him, despite his inability to read the mood, and it was just a little bit spooky how he seemed to have almost read his mind. But then he frowned, because Antonio was happy, sure, but Lovino wasn’t in a relationship…? Unless…

“That boy you were with… Lovi, he looks at you like you’re his world. He looks at you like he wants to give you everything he has, if you’ll take it, and trust me, I know what that looks like. You should hold onto him as long as you can. As for me… well, Roderich and I go way back, and it wasn’t until too long ago that I figured out that we work, in a weird way. I think, after seeing you with that guy, you know what that feels like.”

Nope, there goes Lovino’s ability to breathe.

Because suddenly his mind is full of nothing but sunshiney smiles and errant, bouncing blonde curls and surprisingly firm arms hugging him tightly and warm hands holding his and he looks at you like you’re his world and yes, Lovino absolutely knows what that feels like, and the train he’s been waiting for this entire one-sided conversation hits him with a crash.

Because he realises just how well he and Alfred work, and he realises just how easily they click together, like they were made to go, in some strange way. Alfred is never difficult to talk to, and Lovino’s grumpiness never puts him off like it does so many – instead, Alfred just laughs that golden and joyous bellowing laugh and sweeps him away in energy and light and Lovino just lets himself be borne along because it’s so easy.

It’s so easy that he’s never noticed the way that Alfred’s crept his way under his skin, and now, he imagines trying to go back to Antonio and can’t. He tries to imagine himself loving someone and he can’t imagine anyone but the tall and smiley American boy who’s somehow crept under his walls to steal his heart and he doesn’t even mind because he looks at you like you’re his world.

Finally, Lovino takes a breath, and he barely registers the beep of the end of the message and presses the next one on autopilot, missing a lot of what Antonio says, but suddenly the world is righted and the words pouring into his ear aren’t a lifeline, they’re just words. Antonio has relayed the point in the forefront of his mind, and like always, he’s caught up in minor details and senseless mutterings from then on out, and Lovino just listens.

For the next six voicemails Antonio just chatters like he always did, unable to reach the point of what he’s saying, and Lovino laughs just a little bit as he listens, hearing about how funny Roderich is when he’s tipsy or how the sunset at the shore was nice or how Lovino’s coffee was better than Roderich’s anyway – “Don’t let him tell you anything, Lovi.” And yeah, it hurts that Antonio spends so long talking about the man who took Lovino’s place – who also happens to be Lovino’s asshole boss of all things – but Lovino’s head is still spinning and Alfred is still drifting lazily through his thoughts, and it’s the end of the eighth voicemail that finally gets him.

“So, I guess what I wanted to say was… I’m going to miss you Lovi, and I’m sorry I hurt you… but hey, it’s a chance to start over, right? It’s a chance for you to be happy. Don’t miss it while you’re waiting for me.”

The words settle behind his heart, and Lovino feels himself nod a little bit.

Don’t miss your chance at happiness while you’re waiting for me.

Antonio was always at his deepest when he wasn’t even trying.

“So uh… yeah, I think that was it… call me sometime, yeah? Let’s catch up for coffee! Bye, Lovi!”

The voicemail beeps off for the last time, and Lovino drops his phone on his chest and stares up at the ceiling, unseeing – though this time, it’s for an entirely different reason, and the butterflies in his stomach are less nerves and more a strange sort of muted excitement; the realisation of just how much someone means to you and the electrifying possibility that they might return the feeling.

He only moves when he realises it’s dark outside and his stomach growls at him, demanding food, and it’s as he’s walking out of his room towards the kitchen that he pauses and picks his phone back up, texting the number that had just given him eight voicemails and a startling realisation.

Thankyou. For everything.

**

The next day Lovino finds himself looking out for Alfred all day, looking up excitedly at every tinkle of the bell above the door and feeling disappointed when it was just a family of three, or Mr Kirkland, again.

He doesn't know why he does that, Alfred comes and goes whenever he wants.

He's waiting nearly the entire day for Alfred to come in, and when he does it's at a slow time, when there's no-one else in the shop besides him and Elizaveta, who's working out the back stacking some boxes and leaving him to serving duty.

Alfred swaggers up to the counter, and Lovino just leans on it, trying to look grumpy and failing – Alfred's just that kind of person, it's hard to be around him and not feel the happiness he carries into every room he occupies.

"Took you long enough, jerk."

Alfred just smiles, and Lovino feels his frown slipping.

"Well, I'm here to make your day worthwhile, now."

He slaps a handful of change down on the counter, winking that stupid not-quite-there wink again and Lovino feels his heart flutter.

"I'm gonna grab a chocolate milkshake, barkeep, with two straws. And maybe a chance of your number...?"

He starts the sentence confidently, but as he reaches the end he trails off, almost embarrassed, and he stands up straight and rubs the back of his neck, and... is that a blush?

Lovino just gapes, staring up at him.

"Did you just try to ask me out?"

Alfred shrugs, biting his lip and looking up at the corner of the ceiling, and Lovino’s brain is running at twice the recommended speed and he looks at you like you’re his world.

And Alfred looks down from the ceiling, catches his eye, and Lovino feels the truth in that sentence ring in a look he’s met a hundred times but hasn’t really looked at til now.

But finally, Lovino’s looking back – and he’s finding a universe.

Antonio’s voice comes flooding back to him, and he’s caught in the strange twilight of emotion that had been the night before, trying to swim through a mess of feelings that had suddenly been released from their box and were making themselves most definitely known.

Don’t miss your chance at happiness while you’re waiting for me.

 Lovino just blinks hard at that, brain screeching to a halt – and then he does the thing that makes the most sense.

He grabs the front of Alfred's shirt, pulling him forward and down just enough, and then he kisses him.

It doesn't matter that he's working and that he thinks he can hear Elizaveta walk out of the back room and gasp when she sees them, all that matters is that Alfred kisses him back, hands coming up to gently cup his face, and the butterflies in Lovino's stomach all collectively have an aneurism and start flying at double time, because all of a sudden he realises how natural and easy this really does feel, and it's wonderful.

They pull apart when Elizaveta starts applauding and whooping, and Alfred is blushing madly, smiling and flustered, and Lovino just smiles back at him, for once not minding that someone can see.

Then Alfred gives a little huff of a laugh, eyes sparkling, and Lovino feels his heart melt a little bit.

"So, any chance of that milkber? I mean numbershake? Aw crap, I mean..."

Lovino just laughs, punching him gently in the arm.

"Sure, since that's your priority, jerk. Let me just go on my break."

He turns to go into the back room, and as he passes Elizaveta, still watching the scene, she slaps him excitedly on the shoulder and then turns to Alfred with something like hunger in her eyes, leaning over the counter and leaning on her arms.

"So, any details I should know about you two?"

Alfred leans away, a little apprehensive, and Lovino yells from out the back.

"Elizaveta, he'd better still be alive when I get back out there!"

She sighs.

"Ugh, fine... lemme go get that milkshake for you, honey."

The milkshake is delicious. And quietly, Lovino thinks it's even nicer sharing it with someone with shimmering blue eyes and a smile that makes him slightly giddy, and it’s even better again when a warm hand slips into his and he forgets, just for a moment, what loneliness feels like.

**

Yeah, there are things Lovino hates about his job.

Like his boss, and the shitty hours, and cleaning, which he seems to do far too much of.

But... cooking for someone who absolutely enjoys it no matter what it is, seeing Alfred's grin when he comes into the place and lights up the room, or feeling the butterflies in his stomach when the ridiculously strong boy picks him up and twirls him around and laughs, or feeling his warmth when he hugs him... that's not one of them.

There are things he absolutely despises about his job, but Alfred's gentle kisses when he gets off work really late and his warm hand in his when he walks him home... that's not one of them.

There are things that piss him off about his job, but the fact that there's someone making sure there are things throughout the day that never fail to make him smile isn't one of them.

And the fact that Alfred is always there, through his moods and his grumpy days and all the crap that's just part of who he is, always ready with a smile and a hug, knowing him well enough by now to know that it's all a front he puts up to disguise those bad days...

Everything that Alfred does makes him love his job; love that it brought them together.

And that's what makes it absolutely worth it.