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“all my grief says the same thing:
this isn’t how it’s supposed to be.
this isn’t how it’s supposed to be.
and the world laughs.
hold my hope by the throat.
says:
but this is how it is”
― Fortesa Latifi
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"that was close,"
nicholas breathed, sliding down against the shut door until he was seated. he flashed an exhausted smile at euijoo, who mirrored his position on the ground, chest heaving. despite their near-death experience, euijoo's eyes crinkled into crescents, his smile radiant enough to momentarily banish thoughts of the horrors outside. "it was," he replied simply.
for a moment, they sat in silence, letting their racing pulses calm. euijoo was the first to rise, while nicholas remained on the floor, mind reeling as he processed their narrow escape. fuck, he thought, the gravity of their close call sinking in.
their day had started routinely enough - a foraging mission, their second this month. they'd targeted a nearby convenience store, not far from their hideout. initially, luck seemed to be on their side. they'd easily found a treasure trove of supplies: granola bars, jars of peanut butter, canned goods, batteries, and even long-forgotten snacks that tasted of a world now lost.
but greed, that most human of failings, had nearly been their undoing. nicholas, emboldened by their success, had decided to check the storage room for more supplies. the moment he'd cracked open that door, five zombies in tattered store uniforms had burst forth, their dead eyes fixating on fresh meat.
nicholas had barely managed to fend off the first with his makeshift metal weapon. if not for euijoo's swift intervention - yanking the creature back with a well-aimed swing of a metal pipe - nicholas might have joined the ranks of the undead then and there.
they'd snatched up their bags of precious supplies and fled, hearts pounding. but their escape had drawn attention, more shuffling zombies joining. by the time they'd reached the relative safety of their hideout, at least ten of the creatures prowled the surrounding area, their mindless moans outside their place a constant reminder of the danger outside.
nicholas exhaled deeply, eyes closed as he tried to center himself. we'll deal with that later, he thought, pushing the worry aside for now.
when he finally opened his eyes, the stark contrast between their current sanctuary and the nightmare beyond washed over him. warmth seemed to radiate from the very walls, engulfing him and chasing away the chill of their brush with death moments ago.
contrasting the dull, lifeless nightmare outside, their hideout somehow managed to exude safety, comfort, home. this was their third refuge since euijoo and nicholas had left the group of survivors they initially stayed with. from a daycare center where they were chased by toddler zombies, to a small convenience store where they faced the ugliest trait of living humans—selfishness—leaving them no choice but to flee. nicholas and euijoo had finally found an abandoned home in a less crowded area of the city.
it was an old house, judging from the picture frames that displayed an elderly couple and their pet cat. when they first arrived, they heard soft meowing. nicholas, following his instincts, traced the sound to find the cat, alone in this small, dusty dwelling. the furniture was old but not decrepit—well-loved and thoroughly used. the old couple must have lived here for a long time. with just a few alterations from euijoo, in a couple of hours, it looked like a home once more. their home.
it didn't matter where they were - euijoo had this uncanny ability to make any place feel like home, even in this crumbling world.
in this moment of respite, nicholas allowed himself to calm down. they were alive, they had supplies, and most importantly, they had each other. he had euijoo. in this ruined world, that counted for everything.
as he looked at the old picture frames of the couple from where he sat, he saw love and contentment. he then glanced at euijoo who was standing by the dinning table in front of him, the orange light illuminating his soft features.
in that exact moment, nicholas believed they could live forever.
as nicholas watched euijoo move about, arranging their meager possessions and securing their home, he felt a warmth bloom in his chest. it wasn't just about survival anymore; euijoo's presence made even this apocalyptic nightmare bearable. euijoo caught his eye and smiled, that radiant grin that could make nicholas forget, if only for a moment, about the horrors lurking beyond their walls.
"you’re okay," euijoo said softly and reassuringly, seemingly reading nicholas’s thoughts inside his head, breaking the comfortable silence. “you’re safe—we’re safe.”
“thanks to you,” nicholas says, voice guilty. “i’m sorry i opened that storage room recklessly.”
“hey… stop that,” he muttered.
nicholas knew euijoo hated when he apologized for something inevitable. he didn’t know there zombies were inside the room, but even still, nicholas felt guilty and responsible for it.
“sorry…”
“alright, that’s the last,” euijoo throws something to nicholas, which he instinctively caught with his two hands. nicholas looked down to see it was a strawberry-flavored chocolate four finger kitkat. it’s been months since he last tasted anything strawberry flavored. he lit up and looked at euijoo with surprised disbelief.
“to staying alive,” euijoo says like making a toast, grinning.
“where’d you get this?”
“i found it in the store” euijoo proudly smiles at him. “you liked strawberries didn’t you?”
“i do,” nicholas says happily. he remembered mentioning it once a few months ago, he’s surprised euijoo took note and actually remembered.
as the adrenaline of their escape began to wear off, he felt an unusual fatigue settling in. “i'm going to clean up,” he said, rising slowly. “i'll be back in a minute, and then we could share it,” he smiles setting the chocolate snack on the table.
“hey but that’s all yours!”
“we’re sharing it!” nicholas sing-songs as he disappears to the hallway, unable to hear euijoo’s further protests.
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nicholas moved to the small bathroom, closing the door behind him. he stared at his reflection in the cracked mirror, the weariness of survival etched into his features. the face of the blood-covered zombie with decaying skin on top of him flashed in his memory. nicholas closed his eyes and exhaled deeply, knowing this image would surely haunt his nightmares tonight.
as he began to wash his hands, rinsing off the blood and dirt, he felt a sharp pain in his side. wincing, he hesitated, then gingerly lifted his shirt. his breath caught as he saw a bruise forming, the skin tender and discolored. he probed the area with his fingers, hoping it was just a bruise, but the pain was sharp, too sharp.
nicholas's mind raced, trying to remember if he'd hurt himself during the scuffle. he leaned closer to the mirror, examining the spot more carefully. as he looked, he noticed something unusual – faint indentations just beneath the surface of the bruise. his heart began to pound as he gently pressed on the area, revealing what he feared most.
he took a deep breath and pulled the skin tight to get a clearer view. there it was – a bite mark, raw and unmistakable, with clear teeth indentations breaking the skin. the veins around it twitched, an angry purple against his pale skin, and a small trickle of blood seeped from the deeper punctures where the teeth had sunk in.
this can’t be.
he touched the bite mark lightly, hoping it would vanish, hoping it wasn’t real.
how?
his mind raced, replaying the events at the store, trying to pinpoint the exact moment it happened.
fuck.
nicholas felt his heart drop. suddenly, the silence was loud in his ears, a deafening roar of despair. thoughts flooded his mind – bite mark, infection, death... then, euijoo.
euijoo.
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nicholas never thought he'd meet the person who would change his life when the world was falling apart.
it had been three months since the virus outbreak. three months of isolation, fear, and dwindling hope. nicholas, an exchange student far from home, felt the weight of loneliness more acutely with each passing day.
his small dorm room, once a space of new beginnings, now felt like a prison. the silence was deafening, broken only by the occasional distant scream or the sound of his own ragged breathing.
as food ran out and the taps ran dry, nicholas found himself staring out the window, watching a world he no longer recognized. the streets, once filled with laughing students, were now eerily empty save for the shambling forms of the infected.
in those dark moments, a thought took root - a terrible, terrible thought. why keep fighting? what was the point of prolonging this misery?
with trembling hands, nicholas began to prepare. he moved mechanically, detached from his own actions as he fashioned a makeshift noose from his blanket. standing on a chair, the rough fabric brushing against his neck, he closed his eyes. suddenly, the crash of his door flying open startled him so badly he nearly fell. a figure burst in, knocking the chair from under him. nicholas tumbled to the floor, a tangle of limbs and blanket.
"what the hell?" nicholas gasped, more confused than angry.
the intruder, a tall, slender boy nicholas recognized as the boy, who lives a few doors from him, and also he vaguely recognized from the foreign exchange orientation, was breathing hard. "don't," he panted. "please don't."
nicholas felt a flicker of irritation through his numbness. "why do you care? you don't even know me."
the boy's eyes were intense, almost desperate. "you're from the dance department, right? i've seen you dance in a practice room, before all this."
nicholas blinked, thrown off guard. "so?"
"the world needs to see you dance. needs you." the boy's voice softened. "i'm euijoo. and i think... i think we can help each other survive this."
something in euijoo's words, in the genuine concern in his eyes, made nicholas pause. it wasn't hope, not yet. but for the first time in months, he felt a tiny spark of... something.
that night, euijoo shared his meager supplies - half a can of spam that tasted like the most luxurious meal nicholas had ever had. as they talked in hushed voices, making plans to leave the dorm and seek safety, nicholas found himself studying euijoo's face. there was a determination there, a strength that nicholas envied and, perhaps, could learn to lean on.
—
nicholas and euijoo crept through the shadowy halls of the university cafeteria, their footsteps echoing in the eerie silence. days of scavenging had taught them to move quietly, but hunger made them desperate. nicholas's stomach growled audibly, and euijoo shot him a sympathetic glance.
"we'll find something," euijoo whispered, his hand briefly squeezing nicholas's shoulder.
as they rounded a corner, the stench hit them first – rotting food and something worse. then came the shuffling sounds. nicholas's heart raced as he saw the group of zombies, former students now reduced to mindless, hungry shells.
"euijoo, run!" nicholas hissed, pushing his friend towards the exit. but they were too slow. a zombie lunged, its decaying fingers grasping at nicholas's shirt.
suddenly, a deafening crack split the air. the zombie crumpled, and more shots followed in quick succession. when the echo faded, nicholas found himself staring at a group of armed students, one holding a smoking rifle.
"minjun hyung?" euijoo's voice was a mix of disbelief and relief. "where the hell did you find a rifle?"
the older guy lowered his weapon, a grim smile on his face. "let's just say the rotc program had some unexpected benefits." his eyes darted between nicholas and euijoo. "you two okay?"
euijoo nodded, still processing the sudden turn of events. he knew minjun from before – they'd been close, minjun being his upperclassman in his college department. seeing him now, armed and hardened, was jarring.
three other students emerged from behind minjun – two guys and two girls, all looking battle-worn but determined.
"we should move," one of the guys said, his eyes scanning the area. "that gunshot might attract more of them."
minjun nodded. "jiwoo's right. come on, we've got a safe place."
as they moved through the campus, euijoo learned the names of the others – jiwoo, taehyun, yuna, and minji. they were a mix of students he'd never met before, brought together by the chaos of the outbreak.
weeks passed, and nicholas and euijoo integrated into the group's routine. they had found a hidden convenience store near campus and fortified it into a makeshift base. at first, it felt like a miracle – safety, companionship, and regular meals.
but as days turned into weeks, nicholas began to notice troubling patterns. it started small – sideways glances when other survivors passed by, hushed conversations that stopped when he approached. then came the rationing, stricter than seemed necessary given their supplies.
one evening, as nicholas helped minji sort through their inventory, he broached the subject. "we have more than enough to help a few more people, don't we?"
minji's eyes darted nervously to where minjun sat cleaning his rifle. "it's not that simple, nicholas," she whispered. "we have to think long-term."
before nicholas could press further, a commotion outside caught their attention. a small family – a young couple with a child – had approached their stronghold.
"please," the woman's voice cracked with desperation. "we haven't eaten in days. our daughter is sick."
nicholas moved to open the door, but minjun was faster, blocking the entrance. "we barely have enough for ourselves," he said, his voice firm but not unkind. "move along."
as the family trudged away, their shoulders slumped in defeat, nicholas felt something inside him break. he confronted minjun, his voice low but intense. "we can't just leave them out there. we have more than enough to share."
minjun's eyes hardened. "this isn't a charity, nicholas. we look out for our own."
"our own?" nicholas scoffed, his voice rising. "we're all survivors here. if we lose our humanity, what's the point of surviving at all?"
the room fell silent, tension thick in the air. then jiwoo stepped forward, his face twisted in a sneer. "if you care so much, why don't you go with them?"
nicholas looked around the group, realization dawning. this wasn't a momentary lapse in judgment – this was who they were. he couldn't be part of this.
"fine," nicholas said, his voice quiet but firm. "i will."
as he moved to grab his backpack, euijoo stepped forward, confusion and concern etched on his face. "nicholas, wait—"
nicholas turned to him, his eyes pleading for understanding. "i can't stay here, euijoo. this isn't right. this isn't who we are."
when nicholas decided to leave, he expected to go alone. but euijoo surprised him. "i'm coming with you," he said simply, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
without hesitation, euijoo grabbed his own bag. minjun's voice rang out, a mixture of anger and disbelief. "euijoo, you're making a mistake. think about what you're giving up!”
euijoo looked back at the group, then at nicholas. his voice was steady when he replied, "the mistake would be staying. i'm not leaving nicholas.”
as they hurried to catch up with the family to hand them their portion of food, the weight of their decision settled over them. the safety they'd known, the comforts they'd grown accustomed to – all left behind. nicholas turned to euijoo, confusion evident in his eyes.
"why?" nicholas asked, genuinely baffled. "why would you leave them for me?"
euijoo's smile was small but warm. "i promised to keep you alive, remember?"
nicholas smirked, trying to mask the emotion welling up inside him. "so, you're my full-time bodyguard now, huh?" nicholas glanced at euijoo, noting his lean frame. "i’m stronger than you, you know."
"well, you're reckless," euijoo shot back with a scoff. "sometimes you need a brain to balance out that strength."
nicholas chuckled softly. “we’ll be a perfect team then.”
“yup.”
as they ventured the dangerous new world alone together, nicholas began to see euijoo in a new light. he wasn't just a savior or a companion - he was becoming something more. someone who saw nicholas at his worst and still chose to stay.
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nicholas and euijoo had conflict once.
the adrenaline was still pumping through nicholas's veins as they walked away from the narrow escape. euijoo had nearly died trying to protect him, and the image of euijoo's body mere inches from the zombie's grasp kept replaying in nicholas's mind. the silence between them was heavy, charged with unspoken emotions.
euijoo, sensing the tension, finally broke the silence. "nicholas... why are you ignoring me? are you mad?”
nicholas stopped walking abruptly, his hands clenching into fists. when he turned to face euijoo, his eyes were blazing with a mix of anger and fear.
"of course i'm mad!" nicholas exploded, his voice echoing in the empty street. "what the hell were you thinking back there?"
euijoo took a step back, surprised by the outburst. "i was trying to protect you-“
"by getting yourself killed?" nicholas cut him off, his voice cracking. "do you have any idea what that would do to me?"
"nicholas, i-"
"no, you don't get to speak right now," nicholas said, closing the distance between them. "you're always doing this. always putting yourself in harm's way for me. did you ever stop to think that maybe—i want to protect you too?"
euijoo's eyes widened, a mix of confusion and something softer in his gaze. "i just... i can't bear the thought of you getting hurt."
"and you think i can?" nicholas's voice dropped to a whisper, raw with emotion. "if you really care about me, euijoo, you'll protect yourself first. because losing you... that would destroy me."
nicholas reached out, gripping euijoo's shoulders tightly. "i need you to understand this. we protect each other. we survive together. no more of this self-sacrificing bullshit. got it?"
euijoo nodded slowly, swallowing hard. "i... i'm sorry. i didn't realize-"
"no, you didn't," nicholas said, his anger finally giving way to the fear underneath. "god, euijoo, when i saw that zombie coming for you... i've never been so terrified in my life."
without warning, nicholas pulled euijoo into a fierce hug, burying his face in euijoo's shoulder. his next words were muffled but clear:
"let me protect you too. please. i can't do this without you."
euijoo hesitated for a moment before wrapping his arms around nicholas, holding him just as tightly. "okay," he whispered. "okay. we protect each other. i promise."
—-----
their bond grew slowly, nurtured by shared hardships and quiet moments of connection. a laugh over a ridiculous zombie stumble. the comfort of a hand on a shoulder during long, cold nights. the unspoken understanding in a shared glance.
nicholas often found himself thinking back to his first days at the university, before the world changed. he remembered seeing euijoo in the cafeteria, always surrounded by friends. architecture student, he'd learned later. a world apart from the dance department where nicholas spent most of his time.
they were both exchange students, which meant they saw each other at orientation events and international student mixers. but beyond polite nods and the occasional "hello" in passing, they never really interacted. nicholas had been too focused on dance, on proving himself in a new country. and euijoo... well, nicholas had assumed euijoo was too busy with his own life to notice him.
as weeks turned into months in this new, dangerous world, nicholas found himself opening up, letting euijoo see the vulnerabilities he'd kept hidden for so long. and in return, he saw the depth of euijoo's own struggles, the weight he carried.
one night, as they huddled around a small fire in an abandoned building, nicholas broke the comfortable silence.
"what do you miss most about the old world?" he asked softly.
euijoo was quiet for a moment, his eyes reflecting the flickering flames. "the little things, i guess. the smell of coffee in the morning. the sound of laughter in a crowded café." he paused, a wistful smile on his face. "what about you?"
nicholas leaned back, considering. "dancing," he admitted. "the feeling of losing myself in the music, the energy of a performance."
euijoo's eyes lit up. "i remember. you were amazing, you know. i used to watch you practice sometimes."
nicholas felt a warmth spread through his chest, not entirely from the fire. "yeah?"
"yeah," euijoo nodded. "i always thought... even in this world, there should be a place for beauty like that."
their conversations often turned to dreams - not just memories of the past, but hopes for the future. they'd talk late into the night, imagining a world rebuilt, a life beyond mere survival.
"we could have a farm," euijoo mused one evening. "grow our own food, maybe even have some animals."
nicholas chuckled. "you? farming?"
"hey, i could learn!" euijoo protested, nudging nicholas playfully.
it was moments like these that kept them going, that gave them hope in a world that seemed determined to crush it.
months passed, and their connection deepened. it was in the little things - the way euijoo always made sure nicholas ate first, the way nicholas would instinctively reach for euijoo's hand when danger threatened.
then came the night of the bet. it was a silly thing, born from playful banter over who could spot a zombie first. nicholas lost, and his forfeit was to dance.
"come on," euijoo grinned, eyes sparkling with excitement. "show me what you've got, xiangxiang."
“hey, it’s been a while so don’t judge,” he mutters, self-conscious but obediently stood up anyways.
nicholas felt a flutter of nervousness, but as he began to move, everything else faded away. there was no music, just the beat of his own heart and the rhythm of his footsteps. he lost himself in the dance, in the pure joy of movement.
as he danced, memories flooded back. late nights in the practice room, the ache in his muscles, the thrill of nailing a difficult sequence. he remembered the nerves before performances, the rush of adrenaline as he stepped onto the stage. dancing had been his life, his passion, his dream. and now, in this broken world, it was his anchor to who he used to be.
as nicholas moved, lost in the rhythm of his own making, euijoo's words, soft and earnest from months ago, echoed in his mind: "the world needs to see you dance."
in that moment, nicholas realized his dream had come true, just not in the way he'd imagined. he wasn't dancing for the world, but for his world - this boy with pools of warmth as his eyes, whose smile could light up the darkest night.
euijoo's laughter and applause filled the air as nicholas finished with a flourish. breathless and flushed, nicholas met euijoo's gaze and felt something shift inside him. the admiration, the joy, the unspoken something in euijoo's eyes made nicholas's heart beat faster than any dance ever had.
meanwhile, euijoo's mind was racing.
watching nicholas dance, he was transported back to that day in the practice room, before all this chaos. he had been hurrying down the hallway in the arts building, on his way to meet a friend from the dance department. as he passed one of the practice rooms, movement caught his eye through the partially open door.
he hesitated, then found himself drawn to the window, peering in despite himself. inside, a lone figure moved with fluid grace, completely lost in the dance. euijoo couldn't look away, mesmerized by the raw emotion and skill on display.
it was more than just the technical proficiency that captivated him. there was a freedom in the dancer's movements, an uninhibited expression that euijoo had never allowed himself. as an architecture student, his world was all straight lines and precise angles. his life had always been structured, planned, following the expectations set by his family and society.
but this dancer... he moved as if rules didn't exist. as if the only thing that mattered was the music and the moment. euijoo felt a twinge of envy, mixed with a strange longing. what would it be like to let go like that? to express himself so freely, without fear of judgment or failure?
it took a moment for recognition to dawn. the dancer was one of the exchange students he'd seen at orientation, the quiet guy who lived a few doors down in the international dorm. they'd exchanged nods in passing, but never really spoken. now, watching him dance, euijoo felt like he was seeing the real person for the first time - and perhaps a part of himself he'd long suppressed.
he stood there, transfixed, until the dancer finally came to a stop. only then did euijoo shake himself out of his trance, hurrying away before he could be caught staring. but the image of the dancer - nicholas, he remembered the name now - stayed with him long after.
i think i was bound to you the moment i saw you, euijoo thought, the realization hitting him like a wave.
—-----
one day, the abandoned house creaked softly as the wind whistled through its weathered frame. nicholas and euijoo sat on the roof, their legs dangling over the edge, watching the sun paint the sky in hues of orange and pink. it was a rare moment of peace in their chaotic world.
nicholas found himself marveling at the irony. their world was dying, yet he had never felt more alive. was it mere survival instinct, he wondered, the primal urge to cling to life in a doomed world? or was it something deeper—his heart, full and pounding, each time he stole a glance at the person who had become his entire world?
nicholas glanced at euijoo, taking in the way the fading light softened his features. the realization hit him like a physical force - he was in love. it wasn't sudden; it had been building for months, in every shared moments, every brush of hands, every silent moment of understanding.
nicholas paused, his eyes fixed on the horizon. the words he'd rehearsed countless times in his head suddenly felt inadequate. "euijoo," he began, his voice barely above a whisper, "do you ever think about... after?"
euijoo turned to him, brow furrowed. "after?"
nicholas nodded, still not meeting euijoo's gaze. "yeah. if we make it through this. what comes next."
a moment of silence stretched between them. finally, euijoo spoke, his voice soft. "sometimes. it's hard to imagine, you know?"
nicholas swallowed hard. "i can," he said, finally turning to face euijoo. "but only... only if you're there."
their eyes met, and in that moment, everything unsaid hung in the air between them. nicholas reached out, his fingers brushing against euijoo's hand. "you're the reason i keep fighting," he murmured. "the reason i want there to be an 'after'."
the air between them felt charged. they'd been dancing around this for so long, their actions speaking louder than words ever could. but nicholas knew euijoo deserved more than assumptions and implications. he deserved clarity, deserved to be told.
euijoo's breath caught, his eyes searching nicholas's face. the intensity of the moment seemed to push nicholas over the edge, compelling him to voice the feelings he'd held back for so long.
"euijoo, i..." nicholas paused, gathering his courage. "i love you. not just as a friend or a survival partner. i'm in love with you. and i know it might seem crazy, falling in love in a world like this, but... you make me feel alive. you make me want to survive, to build a future. with you."
euijoo's eyes widened, a myriad of emotions flickering across his face. for a moment that felt like an eternity, he was silent, and nicholas felt his heart constrict with fear. had he misread everything? had he ruined the one good thing left in this broken world? the seconds stretched into what felt like hours, each one a small eternity of doubt and hope.
but then, slowly, like the sun peeking through storm clouds, a smile spread across euijoo's face. "nicholas," he said softly, reaching out to take nicholas's hand. "i think i've been in love with you since the day i burst into your room. maybe even before that."
nicholas felt his breath hitch. "really?"
euijoo nodded, his thumb tracing gentle circles on nicholas's palm. "you were so beautiful, so passionate. i wanted to talk to you, to know you. but i was too shy, and then... well, everything happened."
they sat in silence for a moment, letting the weight of their confessions settle around them. slowly, almost hesitantly, nicholas leaned closer. euijoo met him halfway, their lips meeting in a soft, tentative kiss. it was gentle, unhurried, as if they had all the time in the world.
when they parted, both slightly breathless, euijoo couldn't help but laugh softly. "we're really doing this? falling in love at the end of the world?"
nicholas gazed into euijoo's eyes, his voice low and fervent, "i'd take that, even the last hour, minute, second of this world, i would take, so i could love you." he leaned in, tenderly pressing his lips to euijoo's cheek.
the two smiled at each other, their hearts feeling lighter than they had in a long time.
nicholas thought nothing would compare to this moment.
──────────────────
as nicholas looked down at the bite mark on his side, an overwhelming surge of despair crashes over him. it wasn't the familiar emptiness of before but a crushing, all-consuming grief for the future that was now slipping through his fingers. the future they'd dreamed of together, now nothing more than ashes.
he sank to the floor, the cold tiles a stark contrast to the fever beginning to burn through his body. the weight of his discovery pressed down on him, making each breath a struggle. panic surged through his veins, and he tried desperately to steady his breathing, but it was useless. his trembling hands knocked over a metal bucket, the sound echoing through the small bathroom, jarring in its suddenness.
the thought of euijoo hit nicholas with such force. his mind filled with images: euijoo's smile, the warmth of his embrace, the sound of his laughter. each memory now tainted with the knowledge of what this bite meant.
euijoo, who i'll never grow old with.
euijoo, who i'll never be able to hold again.
euijoo, who i'll have to leave behind.
"nico?" euijoo's voice came from outside, laced with concern. "you okay in there?"
the sound, usually a source of comfort, now felt like a knife twisting in nicholas's gut. he opened his mouth to respond, but only a choked sob escaped his lips. the words stuck in his throat, heavy with the weight of what he had to say.
sensing something was wrong, euijoo opened the door slightly.
the door creaked open slowly. "nico?" euijoo's voice was softer now.
their eyes met in the mirror's reflection, and nicholas felt his heart shatter.
as euijoo's eyes found nicholas on the floor, time seemed to slow. nicholas looked up, tears blurring his vision, and in that moment, he realized that the hardest part of dying wasn't leaving the world behind. it was leaving the one person who had given that world meaning.
"euijoo..." nicholas whispered, his voice breaking. "i..."
their eyes met, and for nicholas, it felt like eternity compressed into a single heartbeat. every shared laugh, every quiet moment of solace, every dream they'd dared to hold onto – it all flashed before his eyes. and now, in the cruel blink of an eye, it was all slipping away.
the unfairness of it all hit nicholas like a tidal wave. it was too soon. they were happy just moments ago. how could he leave euijoo now? how could he become the very thing they'd been fighting against? the irony wasn't lost on him – saved from one form of death, only to face another, more horrific end.
euijoo's grip on the cup of water he held loosened as he stared at the sadness, fear, and regret in nicholas's bloodshot eyes. the cup fell, shattering on the floor, the sound barely registering in the heavy silence between them.
"nicholas-" he lets out, hesitant, scared.
don’t.
"euijoo," nicholas breathed, his voice carrying the weight of the world—broken, scared, and utterly defeated. "they got me."
euijoo rushed to him, his heart pounding so hard it felt like it might burst from his chest. "nicholas, no," he whispered, fear and disbelief warring in his voice. his hands moved frantically over nicholas's body, searching for a wound, anything but a bite mark. maybe it was just a scratch or a bruise, anything that didn't spell the end. but deep down, he knew. nicholas wouldn't lie to him. not about this.
when he finally saw the bite mark, euijoo's world crumbled. the lining of teeth was clearly evident, a grotesque stamp of finality. he stumbled back, tears streaming down his face. "no, no, no," he repeated, the words a broken mantra.
his hands trembled as he reached out to touch nicholas, as if afraid he might disappear if he made contact. "no... no, this can't be happening," he choked out.
nicholas shook his head, his own tears falling freely now. "i'm so sorry," he whispered, the words inadequate in the face of their shared grief.
"i told you to stop it," euijoo's voice cracked. "s-stop apologizing," he pleaded, his body shaking with barely contained sobs. "i-i promised i'd protect you, that i would keep you alive."
"and you did," nicholas smiled through his tears, his hand reaching up to caress euijoo's face, wiping away the wetness he found there. "you gave me life, euijoo. you're my life."
"i'll save you," euijoo insisted, desperation clawing at his words.
"you can't," nicholas replied softly, his smile sad but filled with love.
it's too late.
euijoo pulled him into a tight embrace, holding him as if he could somehow shield him from the inevitable. "we'll find a way," he said, his voice raw with emotion. "we'll fix this. you're not going anywhere."
but even as he spoke the words, they both knew the truth. the bite was a death sentence. there was no cure, no hope.
the virus was merciless, a relentless invader that corrupted everything it touched. once it entered the bloodstream, it was only a matter of time before the victim succumbed. the harsh truth was inescapable: no amount of medicine, willpower, or love could halt its progress.
feeling helpless—desperate, the last resort he thought he could do to save nicholas—euijoo begged, "nicholas, please," his composure finally shattering completely. "please stay with me." his body shook with the force of his sobs, all pretense of strength gone in the face of this unbearable loss.
as nicholas watched euijoo, who barely showed his vulnerability, the strongest person he knows, break down before him, regret consumed him. he regretted not telling euijoo he loved him more, not loving him better, not cherishing every moment they had. how foolish he'd been to think they'd have eternity. now, they'd reached their end, and it still didn't feel real.
nicholas clung to the warmth of euijoo's embrace, to the love and desperation in his touch. he tried to memorize every detail, to hold onto this moment, to the life they had built together in this shattered world.
for a while, they simply held each other, the silence broken only by their quiet sobs.
as they held each other, nicholas felt his strength ebbing away, but he knew he had to say these words. he pulled back slightly, cupping euijoo's face in his trembling hands, their foreheads touching.
"euijoo," he whispered, his voice weak but filled with conviction. "listen to me. if i could do it all over again, i would choose you every time. i'd fall in love with you endlessly, in this world or any other."
tears streamed down euijoo's face as he listened, his hands gripping nicholas's wrists as if afraid to let go.
nicholas continued, his voice breaking but determined. "promise me something. promise you'll find a way to be happy, whatever happens. i know it seems impossible now, but you deserve joy, euijoo. you deserve to live."
euijoo shook his head, a sob escaping his lips. "how can i? without you..."
"you can," nicholas insisted gently. "you're strong, stronger than you know. and i'll be with you, always. not in the way we hoped, but i'll always be with you."
he took a shuddering breath, feeling time slipping away. "i love you, euijoo. i love you with everything i am, everything i've ever been. that love doesn't end here. it's endless, timeless. remember that."
euijoo nodded, unable to speak through his tears. he leaned in, pressing his lips to nicholas's in a desperate, loving kiss.
as the minutes ticked by, nicholas felt a change beginning deep within him. it started as a slight tremor, then grew into an uncontrollable shaking. his skin felt hot, then cold, then hot again. his vision blurred, the room spinning around him.
"euijoo," he gasped, pushing away from the embrace. "it's happening."
euijoo's eyes widened in horror, but he didn't let go. "no, not yet. please, not yet."
nicholas summoned every ounce of strength he had left. with shaking hands, he pushed euijoo away and stumbled to his feet. he grabbed a nearby towel and wrapped it around his mouth. then, he grabbed a nearby rope and began tying himself to a sturdy pole.
"go!" he forced out, his voice muffled by the towel. he used his last bit of strength to push euijoo away before the transformation could complete.
as the transformation took hold, nicholas's fading consciousness fixed on euijoo's face.
even now, wracked with grief and terror, euijoo was the most beautiful person nicholas had ever known. every shared moment, every quiet laugh, every gentle touch flashed through his mind.
he was leaving euijoo alone in this cruel, ugly world. the thought tore at nicholas's heart more than the physical pain of turning. he wanted to reach out, to comfort euijoo one last time, but he couldn't risk hurting him.
if only we had more time.
in his final moments of clarity, nicholas silently willed euijoo to find strength, to keep living, to remember the love they shared. he hoped that somehow, someway, a piece of that love would remain, a light in the darkness for euijoo to hold onto.
as nicholas felt himself slipping away, his last conscious thought was of euijoo's smile, a memory he clung to even as everything else faded to black.
euijoo stumbled back, his heart breaking into a thousand pieces as, in the blink of an eye, all the warmth and love from the person who meant the world to him was sucked away, replaced by this unrecognizable, hungry monster.
"no, nicholas!" he screamed, his body tempted to go near the love of his life who had turned into a cold, living body, ready to pounce on him at any moment.
euijoo sank to the floor, his back against the wall, unable to tear his eyes away from the horrific scene before him. the warmth and color that nicholas had brought into his life vanished in an instant, leaving behind a world that felt colder and greyer than ever before.
the room that had once been their sanctuary, filled with whispered promises and shared dreams, now felt like a tomb. the gentle creaking of the pole as the creature struggled against its bonds was the only sound in the oppressive silence.
euijoo hugged his knees to his chest, feeling small, feeling more alone and afraid than he ever had.
maybe in another life, we'd meet in a quiet library or a busy coffee shop.
or maybe, inevitably, we'd meet in this same cruel world.
and even that, i'd take.
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and i'd choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, i'd find you and i'd choose you.
— Kiersten White