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“It’s okay if you don’t go with us tomorrow.”
Logan doesn’t look up from where he sits beside the fire. He takes a swig of his beer and stares off into the middle distance.
“Fine, okay, ignore me!” Wade throws his hands up. “Your only friend in the whole world. Sure. I see how it is.”
“You’re not my friend.”
Logan doesn’t turn to Wade as he speaks.
“If you just want to sit here and be grouchy for all of eternity while we all die, that’s fine. Your choice. If you want to make it so that you never do anything meaningful with your life. Fine by me. Two whole universes that you’ve let down. Three if you count this as one, I guess, but I guess that’s really up — “
“Will you shut the fuck up?”
“Nope!” Wade plops down on the log next to Logan. The fire casts heat across one side of his face. “Not really my strong suit, which I thought you knew by now. Maybe try talking more? Can't guarantee I won't just interrupt you, though.”
Wade pauses for a response. When he doesn’t receive one, he kicks his legs out, leans back, and continues on blithely.
“I guess I shouldn’t even be bothering with this speech, really.” Wade stares up at the sky. It glares back, suspiciously empty. “We all know this is the end of the second act, where you have your change of heart because you decide to believe in something for once. Which, of course, is me. Obviously.” Logan snorts. “But we’ll get to the beginning of the third act and of course you’ll show up in your cute little suit. And you’ll be the big hero.”
Out of the corner of his eye, Wade watches Logan’s fingers tense as if resisting the urge to ball up into a fist.
“Look, I don’t know how many times I have to fuckin’ tell you this, but I am not a hero.” He tips his head back, finishing off the beer in three quick gulps. Haphazardly, he tosses the bottle off-screen. “Just leave me alone.”
In a crouch, Wade turns. He kneels in front of Logan, knees poised between Logan’s feet, hands positioned on his knees in a ridiculous attempt to make himself appear smaller.
“I don’t mean for this to sound too gay,” Wade starts. “Well, actually I do. But also in a non-gay way. Both no homo and full homo.” Delicately, he lays a hand on the inside of Logan’s thigh.
“Get your hands off of me,” Logan snaps, batting Wade’s hand away. Promptly, Wade caresses Logan’s other knee.
“You could be my hero.”
Logan bats Wade’s hand away once again. Wade switches to the other side, his thumb tenderly caressing the outside of Logan’s tree trunk of a thigh through a thick layer of denim. “Fucking — “ Logan hisses, continuing to smack Wade’s hands away as they slowly creep further up his legs, eventually landing on the inside of his thigh only about an inch from his crotch. “Stop.”
Suddenly, Logan stands. For a delightfully perverted moment, his crotch resides a scant inch in front of Wade’s nose.
“Wow, your bulge looks even bigger up close.”
Logan stumbles back, nearly tripping over the log. He’s well on his way to drunk, uncoordinated. Totally impossible to tell how many he’s had, since the bottles always disappear off-screen, but Wade would guess it was quite a few. Rest in peace to Gambit’s stash, he supposes.
“So close I could almost get a whiff of the — what is it? Musk? What is it that wolves are supposed to smell like?”
“You are so far beyond pushing your limits.” Logan’s voice is raised in a shout.
“A wolverine is a type of wolf, right?”
“I don’t want to be apart of whatever fucked-up little fantasies of grandeur — “
“Right now it’s a homoerotic fantasy, actually.”
“— or what the fuck ever is going on in your fucked-up little head. Just leave me the fuck alone.”
He turns his back to Wade. Dead leaves crackle beneath his boots.
“Why?” Wade starts. “So you can abandon some people who are depending on you all over again?” Logan stops. “Maybe you are the worst Wolverine. Even that kid back there, the one you’re supposed to die to protect — you’d let her down, too.”
Without a word, Logan turns and punches Wade in the nose.
His head snaps back, body crashing directly into the fire. With a huff, the embers extinguish beneath him.
“Fuck, okay. I see I struck a nerve there. Now we’re getting a lot closer to even.” With skin lightly sizzling beneath the flame-retardant fabric of his costume, Wade turns his head to the side and stares off into the middle distance. “Did you guys notice that we never got even? Like I had this whole special moment where I was vulnerable with him in the Honda Odyssey and he basically just called me a loser for it. And then he gets this moment where he’s all emotionally vulnerable and sexy, and they just give it to X-whatever? It was supposed to be Deadpool & Wolverine, not Logan the Sequel feat. Deadpool. Honestly, it’s like the writers don’t think I even have any feelings — “
“Who the fuck are you talking to?”
Logan looms over Wade, scowling. When Wade tilts his chin up at a certain angle, he realizes that Logan's bulge nearly eclipses his face.
“Wow, that’s so — daddy. I mean, your trouser snake looked big before, but from this angle that bulge is just massive — ”
Without a word, Logan straddles Wade's chest and punches him again. Wade’s nose snaps. “Do not fucking call me that.”
“Fuck, that — Logan, that honestly felt kind of homophobic.”
“Yeah, keep going. Right. It’s all just fucking jokes to you.” There’s a note of real hurt in his tone that seals Wade’s lips shut. “They’re all fucking dead. Because of me. And it’s a joke to you. You want people to care, show up and give a shit about your little pity party. But nobody does. Because you’re — “
Wade holds up a hand. “You don’t have to say it again.”
Logan stops. The two of them sit there in silence for a long moment, Logan crouched over Wade.
Eventually, Wade inhales. Privately, he delights in the way it makes his chest just barely brush against Logan’s balls.
“No,” he says. “I don’t think it’s a joke.”
Logan says nothing. Wade counts the seconds in his head. He can be serious. At least for a minute. If that’s what the Wolverine really needs from him.
“Look, I’m not good at motivational speeches or whatever, and I don’t know what specifically your whole worst Wolverine deal is, but listen. Across the multiverse, your whole thing is that you always say that you’re not the guy, you’re nobody’s hero, whatever. And then at the end of the day, you show up. Maybe not the hero we deserved, but the one we needed. 90’s fits, trauma, and alcoholism. How could the people resist?”
“Except I didn’t.” He balls a fist up in Wade’s costume, a remarkably human expression of pain. His breath is moist against the mouth of Wade’s mask. “I left. I went to the fucking bar. And while I was gone — all those kids — “
Wade holds up a single finger to Logan’s lips. “Shh,” he says. Logan immediately slams his wrists into the ground. “You don’t have to say it. I get the vibes. We can leave the specifics for the climax.”
“There is something so horrendously wrong with you.”
“And listen. I don’t know what exactly that’s like, but I can say that I’ve killed a lot of people. Not all of them bad. I’ve lied a lot, generally for shitty reasons. Fucking things up, not thinking things through, and refusing to deal with the consequences of my own actions is pretty much my whole thing. At least I haven’t done any sex crimes — I’m kidding, I’ve definitely done, like, a lot of sex crimes, although I guess the number really strictly depends on what’s an actual crime versus what’s a crime against humanity, the latter of which I’ve definitely racked up some truly absurd numbers. I was actually just thinking about how when I breathe in — “ Wade does so, for illustrative purposes. “— my chest just barely — “
“I get it.” Logan stares down at him with a completely neutral expression. “You’re a bad person.”
Wade pauses. “Well — okay, like, maybe. Definitely yes, actually. But that doesn’t mean that I’m incapable of doing the right thing.”
“This is the worst pep talk anyone has ever given me.”
“But note,” Wade chirps, “that you are continuing to listen to it! And here’s the thing: all of our decisions exist in a vacuum. Literally. We're in the Void. It doesn’t even matter what you did in the past. Right here, right now, you can always choose to be a better person.”
Silence hangs between the two of them for a long moment. Wade swears he can hear the half-hearted awws of a solid handful of soft-hearted fanfiction readers echo in the distance.
“The past matters.” Logan breathes heavily. Sweat rolls down his temples.
“In some metaphysical sense, maybe. But it doesn’t matter to me, or that girl, or my friends.” He breathes in again, gaze wandering again to inspect Logan’s package. The swell of his dick beneath denim makes Wade's mouth water. “God, I’m convincing you. I can smell the sex scene coming.”
“You haven’t convinced me of shit.” Logan sighs. He releases Wade’s wrists, leaning back to settle his weight on Wade’s stomach and stare contemplatively up at the empty sky.
“Oh, I think I have.” Wade’s palms fall to Logan’s thighs with a resounding smack, sliding up and in with a very clear trajectory. Logan promptly slams him back to the ground.
“And you need to stop fucking around with this shit.” Logan speaks through clenched teeth, leaning down until his face is only a few inches from Wade’s.
“Ooh, or else what? Are you actually gonna take me up on it?” He wiggles in Logan’s grip, trying and failing to grind his half-hard cock against Logan’s ass. “I could really use it. It’s been way too long since I fucked a bear.”
Logan’s claws extend into the ground with a wet shick.
“Yeah, I appreciate the effort, but those things really don’t scare me anymore. Once you take one of those to the dick, it’s really — “
With a grunt, Logan stands and releases Wade. A wave of disappointment rolls through him as he rolls off of the collapsed campfire and onto safer ground.
But Logan doesn't go far, hovering menacingly over Wade. Next to Wade’s ribs, a muddy boot pins each of his wrists to the ground. For a moment, he wonders if another fight is about to break out before Logan crouches again, the bulge of his cock resting enticingly at Wade’s chin.
Logan snaps open the button of his pants.
“Oh my god.” Wade whines. “I love fanfiction.”
“Is this literally what it takes to get you to shut the fuck up?”
Logan’s mostly soft cock flops onto Wade’s face. With his balls resting on Wade’s chin, the tip falls squarely between his eyes. He wonders how much bigger it gets. He opens his mouth, extending his tongue only to meet a frustrating barrier of fabric.
“Well, it’s definitely going to take a little more, because unfortunately that thing isn’t in my mouth. And I can’t really get it in my mouth because you’re stepping on my hands and — “ Logan sighs, yanking the hem out from the neckline of his costume. “Yes, just the bottom, just up to my mouth — “
Logan stops, fabric just below Wade’s chin. “You’re that embarrassed about your face?”
Wade groans in frustration. “It’s my kink. But also, yes.”
Logan snorts, but follows the instructions. “You look fine.”
“Easy for you to say, mister — “ He cuts himself off with a groan when Logan places his balls in Wade’s mouth.
Just as expected, Logan’s balls are hairy and sweaty — exquisitely dirty, Wade decides, as he sucks first one and then the other between his fists. Logan strokes the length of his cock in a loose fist.
“Fuck, Wolverine balls taste so good.” The words come out as an unintelligible mess. He circles his tongue around one of Logan’s balls, rolling it around in his mouth and slurping noisily as if enjoying a fine wine. He adds just a little teeth as he pushes it out of his mouth. “You know what, I actually think I could cum just from that. Like you teabagging me and jerking off on my face. They should really let me fuck more men — “
Logan grabs his chin, squeezing dangerously tight. “One moment,” he hisses. “Of quiet. Uninterrupted by noise. Stop talking. Or I will fucking break your jaw.”
Wade smiles. He says, without a hint of taunt in his tone, “Do it.”
Something dark flashes in Logan’s eyes. Wade’s mandible shatters beneath his skin.
The pain is exquisite. Wade’s eyes roll back in his head, his jaw lolling like an open gate. But even more exquisite is the sensation of Logan’s velvet-soft cock gliding over Wade’s tongue, caressing his soft palette, and plunging down his throat.
“Sick freak,” Logan hisses. Wade can feel his dick throb against the roof of his mouth. Only the tip is nestled in his throat, teasing at where his gag reflex would be triggered if he actually had one. “You’re really getting off on this, aren’t you?”
Wordlessly, Wade nods. His tongue flops loosely against the underside of Logan’s cock.
Logan rocks his hips forward, establishing a shallow rhythm. Wade whines when he feels his bones start to knit back together. He wants this to last a little longer, long enough for Logan’s pace to pick up, large hand cradling the back of Wade’s head as he bottoms out in Wade’s throat and continues fucking into him, nose buried in pubic hair.
Wade gasps when Logan finally backs off.
“Fuck.” Thick lines of spit form a spindly bridge between Logan’s cock and Wade’s fully healed mouth. Wade’s eyes cross trying to fit the length of it in his field of vision. “Do that again.”
Logan raises his eyebrows. “Break your jaw?”
Wade nods. “Anything. Break my nose. Suffocate me. Stab me — “
Without a moment of hesitation, Logan extends one set of claws directly into Wade’s mouth.
The left and right blades slice through the back of Wade’s throat, plunging into the ground beneath. The middle one wreaks the most havoc, crunching through Wade’s spinal column with as much resistance as a dead leaf. On the withdraw, it slices Wade’s tongue in two. The familiar taste of blood fills his mouth.
“Oh,” Wade comments. The sounds come out like mush. “Can’t feel my legs.”
“Good,” Logan says.
He shifts his weight, removing his boots from Wade’s wrists. He grabs Wade by the hair and fucks brutally into his mouth. The wet sound of Wade’s throat expanding and contracting around the girth of Logan’s cock fills the clearing. Eyes closed, Logan grunts in approval. It’s the proudest Wade’s felt all day.
His toes are starting to twitch by the time Logan stands, stroking himself, staring down at Wade.
“You like what you see?” Wade teases. He tries to jerk his arm up to gesture down at himself and fails utterly. His shoulder spasms in protest.
“Almost.” Logan reaches down and pulls off the rest of Wade’s mask.
“Hey.” Wade frowns. White-hot pain crackles through his synapses as his body knits itself back together. “That’s not in the rules.”
“You look fine.” Logan strokes himself. There’s something deliciously confident about his stance, completely unashamed as he stares down at Wade, as if he’s dead set on delivering exactly what Wade asked for. “And I want to see your eyes for this.”
“For what?”
The question is wholly unnecessary. Just as Wade realizes enough of his spinal cord has knit itself together to allow him to control his arms once again, Logan slices down the length of his chest, his stomach, and ducks to the right just before meeting Wade’s cock. His costume parts to reveal an expanse of mangled, tumored skin. An involuntary yelp of fear belatedly reaches his own ears.
The cuts are superficial, knitting up almost instantly. Logan presses his boot against Wade’s cock.
“Oh, that’s the stuff.” Wade bucks his hips, grinding himself against the sole of Logan’s boot. He can feel himself leaking, twitching, close to the edge.
Logan presses down harder, flattening Wade’s cock against his hipbone. It hurts.
Wade is used to pain.
He grabs at Logan’s heel, pulling his boot impossibly closer and thrusting wildly up into it. “Fuck yes, daddy. I’m just dirt, gonna cum grinding on your shoe — “
“No.” Logan steps back. He crouches again, pushing Wade’s thighs back.
Wade groans in frustration. “That was mean. Never took you for the teasing kind.”
“Wish I could say the same about you and frotting on shoes.” Logan reaches down, knotting naked fingers in Wade’s hair.
“That’s fair,” Wade muses. He remains unperturbed as Logan throws him unceremoniously over the back of the log they had been sitting on only a few chaotic minutes ago.
Wade moans — a high, artificial, and breathy sound — and croons, “Oh, daddy!” as Logan spreads his cheeks. Wade is rewarded with a broad palm on the back of his head which presses his bare face directly down into the dirt.
“Okay!” The words are distorted. He spits, grimacing as dirt gets into his mouth. “Message received! I’ll shut up.”
Logan only grunts in response. A moment later, Wade feels the dull, wet head of Logan’s cock press against his hole. He doesn’t stop himself from moaning again — a low, guttural sound — which Logan thankfully doesn’t take offense to. At least, that’s what Wade would assume, given that he eases the tip of his cock into Wade.
Wade twists his fingers up in the earth. Logan bucks his hips, rushing forward in one sharp motion until his hips slam into Wade. It’s painful, with nothing but Wade’s half-dried spit for lube — not that it bothers Wade at all.
“Shit, that thing really is big.” Wade lifts his head, pushing himself up onto his elbows as Logan begins to find his pace — shallow, quick (but not frantic), and criminally satisfying.
Logan’s got his hands wrapped around Wade’s hips, pressing in with more than enough force to bruise. Wade can feel him trembling, like he’s still trying to control himself even as Wade squeezes a set of deep, masculine grunts out of him. Right on the edge. A shiver shakes down Wade’s spine.
“Really wouldn’t think it, given how short you are.”
Logan’s arm snaps up, forcing his head down once again. Wade’s cock slaps rhythmically against the log beneath him as Logan picks up his pace, fucking into Wade impossibly deeper. Wade’s face buried in the dirt, unable to breathe, he pushes back, so fucking close, twisting his neck until he has just enough clearance to chirp:
“So glad they didn’t cover that bone in adamantium — “
Logan slams him back down again, Wade’s nose cracking with the force. He hears the menacing shick of Logan’s claws extending. He’s expecting the world to fizzle out for a split second as they dive straight through his brain, his body to jerk and go numb (a true punishment) as Logan severs his spinal cord again.
Instead, his throat burns as Logan plunges his claws through the side of his neck. Wade lifts his head, trying to suck in a breath only to feel his trachea snap in two. It flutters in his throat like two ends of a rubber band, collapsing in on itself. Wade tries to gasp, his mouth uselessly opening and closing. He feels his body attempting to repair itself, fibers interlocking for only a moment before being severed once again by Logan’s claws.
Wade writhes like a fish on a hook as Logan pulls him upwards with nothing but the blades in his throat as an anchor.
“You wanna fucking play this game? Fine.”
His pace doesn’t let up, fucking brutally into Wade’s body. His vertebrae crack as Logan forces him to bend backwards far enough for their eyes to meet. All Wade sees reflected back at him is simple, pure rage — the mark of a man who’s surrendered himself to his own lack of control.
A simple, psychotic smile splits Wade’s lips. It remains even as Logan’s claws rip through his neck, splitting his throat wide open. Blood sprays out across the ground like a sprinkler as his torso lurches forward, Logan’s cock still embedded in him. With a grunt, Logan stabs through Wade’s limp arms, pinning him to the ground.
Wade’s body trembles like a leaf as Logan continues to fuck him. No remorse, no thought, just pistoning in and out of him like a blow-up doll. It’s a race between Wade’s mutation and the laws of physics — blood gushing out of him, lungs filling with liquid. The edges of his vision start to go black, his muscles tightening and loosening in some desperate attempt to avoid the inevitable.
By now, Wade is more than familiar with the insistent call of death. He gives himself over to it. A wave of disappointment washes through him as he realizes he’ll most likely miss his impending orgasm, a truly frustrating turn of events. Maybe he shouldn’t have pushed Logan so far.
But it’s right as his vision has narrowed to a pinprick, his body completely slack as Logan continues to use him, that the fibers of his throat finally close up. He gasps, air flooding into his lungs, suffusing his muscles, and sending a violent shock throughout his body.
Wade jerks and rattles as he cums, brain still fuzzy from the blood loss. His cock is crushed between his hips and the log, but that doesn’t stop it from swelling and twitching as his cum dribbles out of him.
“That is — “ Wade starts, gasping violently. “Easily the most creative way I’ve ever been asphyxiated. Erotically.”
It’s one of the most intense orgasms that Wade has ever had — which is, by his standards, truly saying something. And it just keeps happening, too, waves of pleasure coming and going as Wade’s body slowly repairs itself.
Logan doesn’t give him more than a moment to breathe. He rolls Wade onto his back and off of the log, spreading limp thighs before squeezing his cock back into Wade’s hole again. He’s almost expecting another assault, for Logan to slit his throat once more. He’s pleasantly surprised when, instead, Logan leans down to kiss him.
Expectedly, the kiss is far from gentle. All teeth digging into Wade’s lips, quickly wandering down his jaw. His pace slows, allowing for Wade to catch his breath as Logan cups his skull in two hands, rotating his neck before biting into his flesh with enough force to draw blood.
Wade moans. His soft cock rests in the curve of his hip, exhausted. And yet, his brave little soldier still manages to squeeze yet another drop of cum out as it tries to stand up.
“Fuck, yes.” His arms feel strange, possibly broken, as he knots jerky fingers in Logan’s hair. “Tear me up, you fucking animal.”
Logan’s teeth sink into Wade’s collarbone. The bone cracks before giving out against the onslaught, shattering into shrapnel-sized pieces in Logan’s mouth. With a growl, Logan spits out the remains in Wade’s face. He dives in again, teeth ripping through the muscles of Wade’s chest, all beautifully human force.
“Oh, that’s my feral boy,” Wade coos.
He runs his fingers through Logan’s hair even as Logan seizes his waist and finally fractures Wade’s hips. He’s fucking into Wade, wild and irregular, trembling even as he bites into Wade’s ribs, teeth scraping across bone. The pain jolts through Wade’s body, a trail of blood dripping from Logan’s mouth as he meets Wade’s gaze and locks up, bottoming out, a scream ripping through his throat as he cums.
“Fuck,” Wade mutters. Logan proceeds to collapse directly onto his mangled chest. “Didn’t you actually go feral once? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for that to be insensitive.”
An exhausted hand reaches up to cover Wade’s mouth. Another reaches down to, in what Wade struggles to categorize as either a reward or a punishment, tug at the soft head of his cock with just enough force to squeeze a second, painful orgasm out of him. —
“I hope you know that was just for you,” Wade says as the two of them stare up at the empty sky together. “As a thank-you. For fucking me within an inch of my life. Literally, actually, might I add, didn’t quite have the lights go out there, but it was pretty close. Very invigorating.” Silence hangs. Wade clears his throat. “And for, you know. Helping me save my universe.”
Wade is only met with more silence. He taps his fingers nervously against the dirt, waiting eagerly for a response.
“I’m sorry — what was for me?”
“The silence,” Wade says. “Obviously.”
“You mean the one that lasted about thirty seconds?”
Wade glances down at his own chest, watching as his cells fizzle within the depths of Logan’s bite marks. He hums.
“Yeah, I’d guess about thirty seconds. Felt like longer, though.”
Logan snorts. “I’m sure.”
“Deadpool and Wolvie,” Wade sighs. “A real team. In everything. Fucking, fighting. Friendship.”
Once again, Logan snorts. He rolls over, providing an excellent view of his broad shoulders. Wade hypothesizes that the snort was more out of amusement at Wade’s undeniable charm rather than strict mockery. But truly, who’s to say?
“You know, I’m pretty sure you gave me splinters in my dick.”
“Sounds like a personal problem.”
“Rude!”
“You asked for it.”
“I didn’t ask for splinters in my penis.” Wade sniffs. “I asked for you to break my jaw. And some other things, but in more of an implied way. I do appreciate your creativity, by the way. That was very special.”
“Everyone knows splinters are so much worse than broken bones.”
“Yes.” Wade gestures emphatically. “That’s what I’ve been saying. Thank you.”
“You’re a fuckin’ psycho, you know that?”
“Oh, I’m aware. It’s part of my charm.”
Logan doesn’t respond. Wade watches as the spaces between his breaths grow longer and longer.
“We are a team now, right?”
Logan doesn’t respond for a long moment. “Desperation is unappealing.”
Wade grins. “That wasn’t a no.”
“Shut up and go to sleep.”
“In this condition? You rip me apart like an animal and you expect me to just go to sleep in the dirt?”
“Yes.”
“Wow. I see how it is.”
“Or you could stand up and leave.”
“Just goes to show how inattentive of a lover the Wolverine is. Shouldn’t be too shocking, given — “ Wade gasps, sitting bolt upright as something occurs to him. “Holy shit, is this why they had Vanessa dump me? I thought that whole plotline was kind of weak, like I save her life and she accepts my ugly mug and I literally bring her back from the dead only for her to dump me because it get a little depressed? Honestly, kind of worth it because that was incredible, but damn. Or — I guess that doesn’t make sense, because this is a fan fiction, so we didn’t actually fuck in the movie. We definitely should have, though, because again — incredible sex. I’m sure the readers agree. You know, next time we try this out we should definitely…”
With a sigh, Logan covers his ears, closes his eyes, and tries to sleep.