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It kept happening, even now.
A hand was on his cheek, caressing the skin as a petal against the pale, fruitful flesh. It never fades, somehow, the ghost of those fingers even if hours had passed since that moment. Levi doesn’t know what to do with it, so they don’t talk about it.
The return comes just before the sun goes away. The horse's footsteps sound quietly against the mud, a sorrowful and peaceful song. Erwin keeps giving orders silently with a movement of his left arm. Levi obliges as well as the rest of the soldiers. It had been a long day, so the brats and the rest of the adults rode heavily until the relieved sighing came with the view of the Wall Maria.
Erwin is the first to arrive, as usual. Levi follows him quietly until they reach together the first official that takes note of Erwin’s instructions. Levi is sure to make his numbers clear, how many wounded, how many not so much. The arriving report is signed by the commander’s hand and that would do it for the day. But surely for Erwin it’s not enough, if the confident pace to his office is any indication. Levi doesn’t leave his side even when the door is closed behind them and Erwin’s jacket is resting on the back of the chair.
“Are you planning to keep going?”
Erwin's eyes don't look at him, but keep reading the papers on the desk instead. He just hums as a reply.
“Tch. I’ll take a bath then. After that…”
“Dinner. Yes.” Erwin responds, this time conceding him a smile. Levi thinks he looks too tired (and probably needing an urgent scrub) but doesn’t elaborate. There’s certain things that he shouldn’t say out loud. Even if it’s Erwin.
Levi washes himself on the small tub that came with the privilege of being Capitain. He couldn’t refuse it after taking the place of a common soldier that goes to community showers. He liked the privacy and the calmness. He liked to submerge himself completely, resting his back against the flat floor and opening his eyes underwater. His eyeballs sting, but the blurred vision produced by the delicate waves of liquid comes to him as something charming. Something precious. There’s no clear water on the underground.
When he finally arrives at Erwin's office in the late evening, he makes sure to bring everything necessary to have a quiet dinner on the old and heavy wooden desk. Two cups, two water glasses, two well served plates (Erwin enjoys potatoes more than he wants to admit) as well as spoons and sheets. Levi leaves everything on display before letting his ass fall heavily on the chair in front of him. Erwin lets out an appreciative sound with the first taste.
“Thank you, Levi.” He says with the spoon still hanging from his mouth.
“Ur welcome.” Levi blushes. His bath was too hot. “You showered.” He remarks, just because he noted the way Erwin’s hair gets darker when it gets soaked.
“I did, but I don’t last as much as you.” Erwin states playfully, and gives up a smile after watching Levi’s scowling face. “I’m not saying it’s wrong.”
“Whatever.” Levi delights himself silently with the way his entire jaw shudders at the feeling of something to eat. They didn’t have anything more than a couple of salted cookies by the morning. “This shit tastes delicious.”
“Anything is fine after two days outside, I think.” Erwin utters after gulping once his glass of water almost entirely.
“Yeah.” Levi observes the curve of his neck moving. “The new formation gave better results than the last one, I think. I felt less exposed.”
“That’s excellent coming from you, the first one at the front. It would be ideal if we could drop the number of deaths just a little bit more… That would give us a better chance with the sponsors, I hope.”
“Tch, those pigs.” Levi takes a mouthful of boiled potatoes and rice and chews. “Well, it better be, because I can’t take anymore shit than the last time.”
Erwin snorts. “What did they call you? Erwin’s little angel?” Of course it was sarcasm, but even with that Levi feels the heat coming to his face.
“Fucking ridiculous. As if we were some kind of entertainment to them…”
Erwin smiles fondly looking at Levi devouring the last spoonfuls on his plate. “You surely are a great character.”
They keep eating. The silence is great. Erwin’s company feels great, or at least, not a bit annoying. Levi thinks he can tolerate nights like these, even if his eyes are threatening to get close at any moment because of the tiredness. He just needs a little bit more of this… whatever it can be called. He doesn’t like to think too hard trying to find a name. It is what it is, kid, just try not to fuck this up. Kenny’s voice finds a space in his thoughts and he hates it.
When they finish eating, Erwin starts to discuss things about work. He shares his ideas with Levi as if they were two commanders at the table having a business dinner. He likes to adulate Levi’s work, looking at his Captain between his stupidly blonde eyelashes. Erwin mentions how efficient the training method is and what he can do to get better. He had been in the military his entire life after all. That was one of the aspects he mentioned when Levi beat the shit up of a guy and he was giving him a lecture in his office. Levi had been extracting important information from every situation. He doesn’t know why he should remember aspects from Erwin’s personal life.
“Don’t do that shit here.” Levi utters, signaling the table with his hand once Erwin stays quiet to take something out of his pocket.
“I know, Levi. I was about to excuse myself.” Erwin smiles at him. His face feels too warm. Every word they exchange at dawn just sounds so intimate and ridiculous. Levi feels stupid sometimes, trying to remain in composure about an unknown force that makes him move through the air until he reaches the other man. “I’ll be back in a bit. Don’t bother with the dishes.”
“You know I will do it anyway.” He replies just as Erwin’s tall ass is out of the chair. The cigarette stays between his smiling lips. Levi observes the image of the pressure that mouth keeps upon the stupid little stick. He washes the dishes (his and Erwin’s) with a little more force than necessary, but he is conscious about not wanting to extract any blood from his hands at the moment.
Erwin was outside, expelling smoke from his lungs. His eyes staring at the night sky and all his little bright dots. Levi eyes him once he has finished with the dishes and rearranges his clothes. He achieves to catch Erwin’s attention and they go back together to the quarters. The majority of the hallways are drowning in darkness and silence, there’s just the sound of their footsteps creating echoes and shadows that fade slowly as they advance. Levi perceives the way Erwin’s shadow engulfs part of his own. He thinks it’s a weird and accurate way to put it, even if it’s just caused by the angle of the light coming from a few torches and his stupid hard-pumping heart.
They reach Erwin’s door. Levi asks himself how many times he had been in the same situation. He can’t count. Levi enters before him and he hears the lock of the door just as he starts to unbuttoning his shirt, and ask himself why the fuck he used one of the good ironed shirts if he was just going to undress a little bit later after his bath. He knows why, but a hand on his shoulder distracts him. The closeness was the worst of it, it messed with his head. Erwin’s tall body behind him, close enough to be felt, but not enough to reach with his own hands. His fingers give a possessive squeeze, the whole palm could cover Levi’s thigh easily. The sole thought makes him weak and pathetic.
“You cleaned your mess.” Levi comments just as he feels the thumb making a tour on his nape. Erwin’s fixed to give massages on his shoulders and neck, apparently. He uses both hands now, giving Levi’s muscles a tender grip.
“I did it before leaving.” Erwin’s voice is liquid smooth, honey that slides from his mouth to Levi’s blushed ears. He can barely observe the room, the only light coming from a weak candle beside the bed. Erwin has a ridiculous amount of books. His quarters are messy almost all the time. At least, Levi is glad he doesn’t leave his dirty clothes hanging from any random corner. The mess consists mostly in books, complicated books. Erwin’s handnotes are everywhere, everything is him. Everything had been carefully classified by him, analyzed with stupid determination, taken care and reached one time after another until the pages were yellow and the covers had little scratches on the edges.
Even him.
A sigh leaves his mouth just as he feels his body bending forward and he is practically laying hands and knees on the bed. Erwin’s broad figure had followed just behind, his hands now picking at Levi’s ribs and stomach, gripping his waist. Levi can feel himself arching and thinking about nothing at all, just enjoying the momentary contact that makes his groin tingle with a pleasant sensation.
Erwin was the only person that could do that to him, after all. Every other person just grossed out Levi. Their touches, their skin, their sweat, their smoke. All of those are dirty and unrequired, having the opposite effect on him. Erwin’s different. He had always tasted different to the world. He’s cleaner than the average men. He’s also kind.
“You stink.” Levi utters under his breath once his buttons are unmade by Erwin’s hands followed by the one in his trousers.
“I’m sorry.” He hears Erwin’s voice coming from above. Then, there’s a warm kiss on his nape and another on his shoulder. He separates himself to finish taking off the stupid clothes.
“It’s fine.” He thinks his voice sounds cracked, but Erwin doesn’t comment anything about it and he’s glad. He doesn’t try to make him feel vulnerable, Levi had understood a while ago. That was one of the reasons he kept coming to knock at his door. With Erwin, sex wasn’t just about power, just as with everyone else. Levi had experienced some situations a while ago. The majority of men want to have power over something, someone without a name. Someone smaller and weaker, doesn’t matter what’s hanging between their legs. It has to be humiliating. There also could be the opposite situation. Pathetic things about wanting to be spitted on and called a disgusting bitch. Levi had seen enough of it for his entire life.
He never thought there could be a man like this one. Erwin’s a freak, too, but he is… gentle. Levi had seen his soul on those stupid eyebrows. He can recall every time he asked for permission or had to apologize for something he did wrong. Erwin can be a stubborn bastard too, but it’s not too bad because he is right about almost everything. Levi can trust in someone like that.
“Levi.” His name resonates in the dark. Levi was finishing to fold his clothes in an accessible way when the same hand on his shoulder made his way to reach his fingers. Erwin, already naked and sitting on the bed, pulls him closer to accommodate him between his powerful thighs. Levi can’t see everything but he can assume the shape of things as his eyes get used to the scarce light.
“What?” He asks, just to be a little bit playful. He put his hands on Erwin’s shoulders. On his neck. He even grips his cheeks and jaw. Erwin is looking for his eyes, but Levi denies him just a bit. He is observing his stupidly trimmed eyebrows and his soft hair resting messily in every direction.
“Come closer.” Erwin says and his navigating hands stop to lay on his hips. Levi had seen himself, the bones and muscles protruding. He is not particularly fond of his appearance, but he thinks it’s ok. Ugly people have sex too. Levi had called Erwin ugly, but it’s not the same. Erwin’s the type of ugly who would make ugly kids. Erwin’s the type of ugly who is, thank Rose, not married. Levi is glad, to an extent. Levi is selfish enough to be fine with the idea of an infinitely unmarried Erwin Smith.
“I’m too close already, don’t ya think?” Levi mentions leaving small kisses on his lips. Erwin’s grip tightened. He even closes his eyes as Levi’s mouth touches his and then his cheeks and jaw, eyes and neck. He wanders mostly on his lips though. Levi’s kisses became sloppy and longer. He can feel his body getting pressed to Erwin’s, it could be the effect of his own will or by the way Erwin’s not afraid to embrace him with both arms.
“It’s not enough.” He thinks he hears Erwin’s reply but he’s too distracted to care.
The familiarity of Erwin’s embrace is too overwhelming to think about anything else, actually. Levi had touched him a million times, even if they haven’t met each other that much. It just feels like it. Erwin’s ticklish behind his ears, has too much hair on his armpits. Levi had licked his nipples, so he knows how dark they become even if his body hair is lighter as it reaches his hair. He has a deep scar on his left rib because he hurt himself trying to be a silly teenager with Mike once. They were seventeen. Erwin is not fond of darkness, but a candlelight is enough to make him calmer. Levi can see his face like this, so he doesn’t complain. He is being embraced naked and warm, and probably is the best place in the world right now.
Levi is probably too eager to sit on his cock, just as he hears the bottle of lube getting open he feels himself tighten and relax with muscular memory. It’s disgusting and thrilling at the same time, the way his bowels seem to know what is going to happen next. Erwin lays on his back with Levi on all fours above, with fingers starting to invade his hole. At first, there are his own, smaller in comparison. Slender, just enough to make him feel trembling from head to toe. Erwin kisses him softly, as if savoring every whimper that comes out of his mouth. Levi can feel his eyes going to the back of his head, his dick leaking already on Erwin’s stomach. The contact of his skin on fire and the fat on Erwin’s abdomen is a great combination.
“Feels great.” Levi grunts. He doesn’t think he can breathe using his nose anymore.
“Let me help.” He trembles in anticipation as Erwin’s hands leave his waist to slide down his ass. He can’t help the movement, the shuddering that hardens his nipples against a strong chest. He is not in control of his facial expression as Erwin’s hands grope him with force, but not to make it hurt. It sends him to another world.
A pair of fingers massage his puckering skin as Levi fights with himself to maintain the balance on his knees and forearms. Erwin’s hand is big, it’s too big. The first finger burns, the pain is easily enjoyable. Patience seems to be a stupid and easily forgettable concept. Sooner than later, his ass is being nicely stretched. Two, three fingers. He doesn’t think he can distinguish at this point. He just takes it and it feels amazing. The lubricant helps, it makes things easier and faster, the thrusts are smoother and wetter. Levi can feel the pool of his own precum just as he drools on Erwin’s shoulder.
When the moment finally arrives and he is feeling the stretch of Erwin’s cockhead, he has an epiphany. It’s one that hurts. That’s the reason a moan leaves his mouth, and probably is the clue for Erwin to insist and try to invade his body and soul being as gently and as hard as he can. It’s a weird combination, the two of them. Levi didn't know how to use a fork properly two months ago. Erwin had never seen a stabbed body hanging on the street with a baby between its arms. Levi had met violence as a surviving tool. Erwin had adopted guilt as an old companion. It’s a combination, a one plus one that shouldn’t result in this. Shouldn’t feel this good, to share one’s body. Levi souldn’t hear the fucking angels song as he rode a cock as big as his fucking forearm. Erwin shouldn’t look at him with those puppy eyes that had mastered the art of manipulation and observation of other people’s weaknesses.
They shouldn't, but goddamn they do. Probably because, right now, they don’t exist anymore. Levi is not Levi, as Erwin’s not him. That should do for tonight.
“Ah… fuck !” He is panting too loud. Levi can feel the silencing kiss, it's openmouthed and full of spit. Sweat is traveling down his neck, his back and the backside of his knees. Erwin is not better. Their bodies are soaked. His ass is burning from inside already, a familiar sensation of being ripped apart makes him strangely happy. His cock is throbbing, brilliant red and alive. Every thrust hurts, but not for the reasons it should.
“You ok? Want to come?” Erwin's agitated voice reaches his ear, followed by a wet kiss on his cheek. It feels too hot, too tight. Levi nods with urgency, the cycling of his hips alone is not enough. With his eyes pressed close, he doesn’t realize the hand until it touches him. Levi straightens his back, feeling Erwin’s hand pumping his cock. It just gets better, even if it didn’t seem possible.
Levi moves gracefully, just as he does everything else. He knows Erwin likes to observe him as he cleans, as he trains, as he writes. His eyes are too predictable on those occasions. Levi takes advantage of that and moves as an ocean wave, one that they don't know exists yet. Levi takes the form of something unknown, something meaningful; and Erwin follows, even if the major part of time it seems to be the other way around. He follows Levi with his eyes middle open, as if trying to peck on a divine figure covered in sun.
After that, the pressure inside his ass increases, the unmistakable feeling of Erwin’s cock pulsing inside going along with his thunderous heartbeat. A warm shudder expands on his spine, the hands wander everywhere; nipples, arms and ass. Hips and back.
One, two, three. He spills himself completely on Erwin’s stomach, painting it white as one of those stupidly expensive paints hanging from a rich pig wall. Levi lets his head fall on Erwin’s chest, trembling all over and feeling the cum now sliding down his ass and thighs. It tickles and makes him euphoric and dizzy, and makes him hide his smile on blondie’s skin, whose breathing is still quick.
They seal the act with another kiss, this time slower, but too dense to think about it in the moment. Doesn’t matter as Erwin’s hands are on his back, moving around shapes of sweat and sperm. Levi is disgusted but he is not him anymore, so who cares.
The night ends with them lying side by side, Levi thinking about another shower but with the knees too wobbly to walk around the hallways naked and filled with his Commander’s come. Erwin’s body occupies three quarters of the bed, the mattress sinking enough for Levi to be attracted to him naturally. Is this what you do to my space, sinking it until I go around your stupid bighead?
“You can shower here, if that’s what you’re thinking about.” Erwin’s rough voice interrupts his thoughts.
“I don’t have my stuff here.” Levi answers, caressing the other’s forearm just because it feels right.
“Mine is yours.” His reply comes with a sigh at the end. It can indicate that he will, indeed, sleep tonight. Levi looks at the ceiling and remembers momentarily the underground sky.
“You will regret saying that.”
Maybe Levi will knock at his door more frequently.