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They walk home from school together everyday, the four of them. She shouldn't be nervous. Honestly, it should be easier to just tell all of them at once, but it's not. She's always been the confident one, especially compared to Charlie (she loves him, she does) but this makes her nervous. It's like the words just stick in her throat. Honestly, she plans on telling them all as they're walking home. Simple. Easy. She doesn't have to worry about anyone overhearing. But she puts it off and then they reach Isaac's house. And then Charlie's. And then it's just her and Tao. Tao is rambling on about a movie he's seen recently, one that used practical effects "for once, thank god" and she loves listening to him. He makes her feel at home. He's her best friend. The trousers on her uniform itch her legs and she thinks longingly about the skirts the girls who go to Higgs get to wear.
"Hey, wanna come to mine?" Tao asks, breaking her from her thoughts. He wiggles his brows, "We could watch a movie."
"Yeah," she smiles at him. "I got all my homework done during free period."
"Ugh," Tao groans, "I've still got an essay to finish, please don't remind me."
"I could help you with that," she offers.
"God, you're a saint-" and then he says the name that's not her name and she can't stop herself from frowning "-Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Then he notices her expression. "What's the matter?"
"Nothing," she shakes her head, clearing it. He didn't mean anything by it. He doesn't know, and really that's her own fault. "Just tired."
Tao lifts his chin, faux-imperious, "Well, then, you are very lucky that my mum recently purchased an extremely fluffy blanket from Etsy. It's Halloween themed, with pumpkins. I'll steal it for you."
"My prince charming," she jokes.
He bows theatrically. "As you wish, my good sir."
"Tao-" she starts, but they've reached his door and he's opening the door for her and ushering her inside.
He's right, actually, the blanket is extremely soft. She's sitting on his bed, stripped out of her jacket and tie. He's sprawled across the floor, frowning at his laptop like it's personally offended him. His mum knocks on the door right as she's working up the courage to tell him.
"Anyone hungry?" Mrs. Xu asks.
"No, Mum," Tao groans. "This essay has stolen my appetite."
"Well," she jokes, "Tell it to give it back by dinner, because I'm making Foo Young." Tao perks up. Mrs. Xu turns her attention to her, says the name that's not hers, "-are you staying for dinner tonight?"
She swallows the sticky feeling in her chest, "Yeah, I just need to text my parents."
Mrs. Xu nods, then closes the door. Tao has that look on his face, the one he gets when he's thinking about his dad. She wants to ask, but knows that between the stress of the essay and this it might upset him. So she just waits until he starts typing again before clearing her throat.
"Tao?" she says, and suddenly she's so nervous she feels like throwing up. Which is stupid because it's Tao. "I need to tell you something."
He groans dramatically, "Please, anything to distract me from this."
"I-" she swallows. "It's really important. You can't tell anyone."
He nods, closes his laptop and stands up to climb onto his bed with her. "I promise. Cross my heart."
"I-" she nods, "I'm trans. I'm a girl."
"Oh," Tao says. She peaks at his face. He looks stunned but when they make eye-contact he smiles at her. "So, uh, she-her, then?"
She nods.
"Cool, cool. Picked out a shiny new name yet?" he asks, wiggling his fingers.
She nods again. "I wanna be called Elle."
He cocks his head and rubs his chin, "Elle Argent, famous artist. I can see it."
She laughs, nudging him. He nudges her right back, and she knows that everything is going to be okay.