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For a small ship, the Falcon could sometimes feel pretty big. I guess it was because I was used to not having so much space, you know? When you’re a trooper, you don’t get the luxury of a lot of personal space. I had a bunk in a communal room. There was a drawer that was mine, for things that were issued personally to me which needed to be kept. Clothing was communal. Bedding was communal. I should know, I spent a few months at 12 on the duty that goes around stripping and re-making all the beds. Not fun.
Personal space was kind of new to me.
On the Falcon, I didn’t just have a bed, I had a room. A room that was only mine and nobody else lived there with me. With a door to the outside that shut and locked and that people respected. Not that I locked it much.
And Chewie had one too, though he was spending more and more time with the General. And Rey had one. And Poe. I got to go into Poe’s once. Before I figured out that people get kind of touchy about their personal space. He didn’t seem to mind. It looked just like mine, only a little messier. He had more stuff, though more than nothing isn’t saying much.
I tried to go into Rey’s room once. She nearly killed me. I learnt pretty quickly just how highly she valued her private space.
So at night I went to my own bed, alone. I lay down alone between my own covers, on my own, with nobody moving around me or turning on lights of making noises. And I tried to sleep.
It was better on the base. On a base, everyone’s working flat out all the time and space is at a premium. I had an assigned bunk mate. Only one and not Poe and Finn but he was okay. I could listen to him breath at night and sometimes that was enough. Sometimes I’d manage to drift off in one of the public areas. That was best.
But on the Falcon, I didn’t get much sleep.
It was fine until the first long mission the three of us pulled together. See, I can go one or two days without sleep no problem. Wouldn’t be the first time. But by the third day I was getting grumpy and Poe and Rey were starting to share significant looks.
I knew I was going to have to sleep that night.
I tried to sleep in my bed like I knew I should. I really did. I shut the door. I lay down between my covers. I was bone tired, it should have been easy. The second my head hit the pillow, it was like my mind came to life. Like I had this sudden need to go over everything I’d ever done in fine detail. I wasn’t going to manage to sleep there. I just wasn’t.
I took my blanket and a pillow and I went out into the ship. Sleeping in the communal area helped at base, it might help here.
I started out in the control room. We were in orbit around a small planetoid. Uninhabited but it hid us pretty well. All systems were quiet but there was the reassuring buzz of equipment. The occasional beeps and the flickering lights of the panels. It helped and I could always explain it as wanting to be close in case something went wrong.
It got to 2am and I still hadn’t managed to sleep.
Clearly, the control room wasn’t going to do it. But it had been easier to relax in there, to let my mind drift, even if it hadn’t been easier enough. So maybe I just needed more. I headed down as close to the engine as I could.
Down there, the noise was louder. The floor seemed to vibrate gently. It was warm too. Cozy. Sleeping on the floor wasn’t great but I curled up in my blanket and forced myself to focus on the engine noises. Willed myself to sleep.
At 3am I gave it up. I wasn’t going to sleep, I just wasn’t.
I headed back up into the heart of the ship, trailing my blanket behind me. I ended up in the communal area. I made myself some warm milk, I’d heard that helps.
I knew by then that I needed to sleep badly. My entire body was weighted with lead and it was only getting worse. It was bad enough when sleep deprivation made my snappy, at this rate I was going to end up seriously injuring myself or, worse, someone else. But still, sleep wasn’t coming.
I was near the bottom of my hot drink when the door opened and Poe stumbled in. He looked sleep rumpled and wonderful and he should NOT have been up this later.
“What are you doing up?”
“Heard you moving,” he said with a yawn. “Can’t sleep?”
“Too quiet,” I admitted, and for a second something like understanding flickered across Poe’s face. He came around and grabbed my shoulder. He’d started doing that a lot, I really liked it.
“Finn, buddy, you’ve gotta tell us when you need help.”
“It’s not your problem. I’ll be fine.”
“Come sleep on my bunk. I’ll take the floor, you can take the bed.”
“You don’t need to do that.”
“No, wait. I’ve got a better idea.”
Somehow, I ended up being dragged down the corridor. Found myself in front of Rey’s door. Instinct made me flinch away when Poe knocked but a few seconds later the door opened on a sleep-mussed Rey.
Sleepy Rey was somehow just as attractive as sleepy Poe.
“Hey,” Poe said, leaning against the door like he does. “Turns out that what’s up with Finn is he can’t sleep alone. Want to have a sleepover? Thought it’d be rude not to invite you.”
I groaned. Poe getting involved was bad enough, Rey was worse. She valued her personal space pretty much more than anything, there was no way she’d want to bunk with us. And it wasn’t like I needed them both. It’d help. It’d be nice. I didn’t need it though.
Then she grunted and stepped aside, gestured us in. Poe went through the door and, in a daze, I followed him.
Rey’s room was packed. Where I had nothing, she had everything. Things scavenged from everywhere we’d been. Broken things and worn things and things beyond any use. There was barely enough floor space to stand on.
“Yeah,” Poe said, looking around. “We’re not sleeping in here. Finn, help me move the mattress.”
I did, still kind of dazed by the entire thing. We hauled the mattress to his room, Rey trailing after us. I liked his space, it was a nice medium between my nothing and her everything. Then we went to get my mattress and by the time we got back, Rey had curled up in Poe’s bed and gone to sleep.
We tried to stay quiet as he maneuvered the mattresses into the limited floor space. When we were done we lay down, close enough to touch. Rey was already snoring in her sleep. Real snores. Poe kept shifting, trying to find a comfy spot. Between the two of them, they were making one hell of a lot of noise.
It was perfect. I was asleep in minutes.