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Odysseus was the King of Ichaca, Captain of a very worn out crew, and the bane of most divine beings simply by being alive. Faith in him has diminished significantly from what it once was before Troy. They've sailed through hell and back and still had yet to make it home.
"Y'know, at this point he probably doesn't really care about us at all."
The one to speak was Perimedes - one of the younger members of the crew, nonchalant and flippant at times, but ultimately keeping to himself - especially once Elpenor was lost to them. Out of 600 men, only 36 remained, seated around a fire while their so-called 'Captain' was out of earshot. After their trip to the Underworld, something in Odysseus had changed. Or at least, that was when it started to really show. It's been a few days since they'd passed through Scylla's lair, since they'd nearly killed their leader. They'd managed to find some island not too far off. Sheer luck, if one could call it that anymore. They were able to hunt a few animals for a quick meal though. It was easier to maintain rations these days, since majority of the crew was at the bottom of the sea.
"Mind your words. He is doing everything he can to get us all home." As his second-in-command, it was Eurylochus' job to keep the others in line, especially in times like this.
"More like he's doing everything he can to get himself home."
As much as he hated to admit it, Perimedes was right. Not providing any countering points, Eurylochus only let out a tired, exasperated sigh. Odysseus was not the same person he was before - who could be after all they've been through? He was their friend, their brother..but he has made some distasteful and poor choices on this journey back home. Those first few deaths were likely the catalyst for all of it. It had affected everyone, and all of them were grieving after that point.
But, Odysseus saw fit to tell the Cyclops who he was, and where he hailed from. That was when the real trouble started. Their Captain must have thought himself prideful, triumphant. They'd outwitted the monster and escaped with most of their lives. Things were different now.
They were not gods. They were not mythical creatures. They were just men. Men who wanted to go home to their families. How many widowed wives and orphaned children would there be now, once they returned to Ithaca?
If.
If they returned to Ithaca.
As unfortunate as it was, it seemed everyone was sharing similar opinions.
While they were out there finding comfort among themselves, Odysseus remained on the ship, by his lonesome. His gaze was cast over the water, though his bleary vision could hardly make out more than a blob of blue and grey that told the sky from the sea. He hasn't slept since paasung through Scylla's lair. As things stood, he was fairly certain that if he succumbed to his fatigue, his remaining crew would see fit to finish what they started.
The reminder of their mutiny stuck with him in the form of a dull ache in the left side of his abdomen. The wound had been treated initially - likely Eurylochus' doing - but it's reopened since, and he'd had yet to tend to it properly. His relationship with the others was no longer as solid as before. It hardly even existed. Merely a thread pulled taught, waiting to snap. They might think him selfish for using what little medical supplies they had for a wound they believed he brought upon himself.
'How are we supposed to trust you now?'
'Your time has come, your luck's run out.'
He could smell the food they'd prepared for themselves down by the shore, and his stomach cramped with the thought of a filling meal. They were all tired and starving, pushed to their breaking point by his actions. He was deserving of their hatred. It's had time to fester. He told the Cyclops his name. It was his idea to stab the eye of Poseidon's son. It was his idea to let him live. It was his idea to seek the wind god's aid. It was his idea to tresspass Circe's island. It was his idea to brave Scylla's lair even if it meant sacrificing their friends on the way.
Polites died. Athena abandoned him. Poseidon was after his life. Killed nearly his entire crew, now even they would have him dead over trusting his leadership - and how could he blame them? He was at fault. For everything.
The truth settled in the pit of his stomach, turning it in discomfort enough to have him sway dangerously where he stood at the ship's bow. He braced a hand on the wood, clenching his eyes shut for what seemed like far too long. It had to be an extended period of some sort, because before long a voice earned his attention.
"Captain?"
In his mind, the movement was lightning quick - sword drawn and pointed to a potential threat - In reality, his response was far more sluggish. A single hand fumbled for his weapon, eternally at his side since that night. His grip on it was weak, and his right arm shook with the effort of keeping it raised. He could barely defend himself.
Behind him stood Eurylochus, holding a dish of what seemed to be freshly cooked meat. He didn't verbally address the way Odysseus felt he had to protect himself from them now. Even he hadn't anticipated Perimedes to stab him, but that was what happened, and now the dynamic between them was forever changed. He set his mouth, pausing for a beat of silence before continuing.
"..You should eat. It's been several days since we've had any food, and I know you're feeling it just like the rest of us."
Odysseus was hearing him, but processing the words took longer than he would have liked.
"It's not poisoned. If that's what you're worried about." Eurylochus lifted the dish toward his former friend, but the other made no moves to take it.
"...I'm aware. At a time like this none of ypu would waste rations just to poison me." Those men were smart after all. They were seasoned warriors.
"At this rate you'll succumb to starvation before anything else."
"And who would care?"
With that, the both of them fell silent.
A lump formed in Eurylochus' throat. It..pained him, to see his friend like this, even if he contributed heavily in causing it.
"Your wife? Your son?"
Odysseus let his blade fall to his side, and turned to face the water once more. "Keep the food Eurylochus. If anything they'll just turn on you for trying to help me. You're a good man, and they at least trust you. Don't take that for granted."
"Ody-"
"Leave me."
That was the end of it. Despite his concern, Eurylochus didn't attempt to argue any further. He reluctantly stepped away, and Odysseus did his best to simply tune out the noise and focus solely on the waves crashing below.
~~~
Eventually, they set sail again, and tensions among the crew and their former captain had yet to dissipate. It wasn't likely that they would.
Odysseus was no longer giving many orders. Whenever he tried, he was more often than not met with defiance. In which case he would simply take to doing the task himself. Sometimes he struggled, but rarely was he granted assistance. Normally Eurylochus had to follow up and emphasize the importance of some tasks in order for anyone else to pitch in. Sailing that way wasn't ideal, but it was enough to keep them on the journey home.
Odysseus spent most of his time at the front of the ship, watching ahead of them while the rest of the crew remained at a distance, going about things as usual. More days passed, and slowly they grew closer to home.
How was his kingdom after all these years? Penelope, his lovely wife..and their son, Telemachus, how big was he now? How would they react when they landed on their home soil? Would they welcome him home with open arms?
Distantly, the sound of his best friend's voice echoed in the back of his mind. While he could hear it, he also couldn't. It's been so long, he could barely recall what Polites' voice sounded like. What sort of friend was he? Even if he died and joined him in the Underworld, his dear friend might scorn him for everything he's done since then. A chill ran through him with the thought, the mental image briefly tormenting him.
No matter the place, we can light up the world here's how to start,
Greet the world with open arms, greet the world with-
"Captain?"
Odysseus blinked, and it suddenly occured to him that it was pouring rain. That explained where that cold feeling came from. He was soaking wet. Ah, his bandages were soiled too. At his side this time was not Eurylochus like before. It was someone else - Alcaeus. He was one of the youngest members of the crew, Odysseus could recall. Maybe around the age Telemachus ought to be now.
"Are..you doing okay? You've been standing out here for a long time."
The simple answer to that was no. Luck saw fit that his mutinous followers let him be, but by now, he might as well be a dead man walking. It took him a few tries to get any words out, but he didn't make any effort to look at the boy. Instead, he gave a light shake of his head in dismissal. "Just look after yourself. I'm...alright."
Obviously the younger man didn't believe him. Odysseus was entirely drenched by the rain, his injury seemed to have reopened at some point, slowly staining the already soiled bandages red. He wasn't nearly as sharp as he used to be.
For a moment, Alcaeus said nothing, just watching silently, but Odysseus didn't say anything else. He considered simply disobeying, and insisting that he help somehow, but he opted not to for the time being. Most of the other crew members were below deck to avoid the rain, but a few were also lingering not too far away, always observing. It seemed to be silently agreed upon that none of them should treat their former captain like he was one of them anymore.
~~~
For the most part, things have been going smoothly. They've managed to avoid any particularly troublesome monsters, and it would just be another few days before they should see their home. Over the final stretch of their time sailing, Eurylochus has had a lot of time to think and reflect upon his actions. He felt guilty, to say the least. He was guilty. Seated now on an isolated cot below deck in the captain's quarters, he was steeling himself to have a discussion with his brother. After Odysseus sacrificed some of their men..he had been angry. Confused, hurt, scared. If they'd been warned in advance about Scylla, surely they could have thought of something, couldn't they? Or they could have avoided the monster's lair entirely - but that would have taken them toward Charybdis. Two horrifying beasts...between the two of them, Scylla was objectively safer. She would only take six lives, but had they attempted to brave Charybdis, none of them may have made it at all. Taking into consideration their goal of trying to get as many men home as possible...he supposed..yes, he could see why Odysseus did it. That didn't make it hurt any less.
Eurylochus saw the way their captain had covered his ears, hadn't even witnessed it in the moment of their deaths. His back had been turned to them as he tried to tune out their screams. He knew what he'd done, and he hadn't wanted to hear them. His choice wasn't one that could be excused...but it could be loosely understood. In hindsight, they could be ever so slightly grateful.
As of late, Perimedes has been the one the others seemed to follow, apart from him. He harbored strong feelings toward Odysseus, and they weren't pleasant ones. Everyone else seemed to be going along with whatever whims he had, likely to avoid being the odd one out. There was Alcaeus, who didn't appear to be so easily influenced by the negativity ravaging their numbers. He tended to keep an eye on Odysseus from a distance, and he preferred to chat with Eurylochus on occasion. How things have fallen to pieces.. they would have been home already if they'd just listened to their captain from the start.
Really, he was tired. He ran a hand down his face for the umpteenth time, and let out a sift sigh. They all wanted to get home, and they were almost there. Before they reached land..he should have a discussion with his friend. Putting it off and leaving things bitter when they got there wouldn't be a good choice. For once, he would own up to his mistakes, and face them properly.
It was with this in mind that Eurylochus bagan making his way up to the deck again. He's thought things over, taken in everyone's opinions and ideas. Perimedes thought Odysseus had simply forsaken them for his own personal goals. That he was selfish, that he didn't care about the lives he was ruining with his rash choices and reckless behavior, especially when it came to the divine. Hardly a thing has gone right for them on this journey, or if it did, it came at a cost.
It was certainly wrong of them to think that, given who opened the wind bag. Odysseus was not the only one at fault.
The man in question was still inhabiting the front of the ship, but while approaching him this time, Eurylochus could hear him muttering to himself quietly. Unlike before, his sword was no longer on his person. One of the other men must have taken it at some point, but it seemed that wasn't a concern at the moment.
"..Odysseus?"
"All I hear are screams..."
What?
Eurylochus slowed his approach, taking note of the way his friend was leaning nearly his full weight on the front of the ship, still not facing him. It seemed he was barely supporting himself enough to stand. He hasn't been eating, and he couldn't recall the last time he'd seen the other sleep. Like a blade slicing through his flesh, guilt continued to eat at him.
"Ody, can we talk for a moment-"
At once, as if a sudden burst of energy hit him, their former captain whirled around to face him, and what Eurylochus saw shattered his heart. His eyes were entirely empty. His breathing was labored, and his skin was flushed, hot tears spilling down to his chin and dripping to the deck.
"You don't know what I've gone through! You don't know what I've sacrificed! Every comrade I long knew - every friend, I saw them die, and all I hear are screams..."
Frozen in place, Eurylochus took in a few deeps breaths. His stomach twisted, but he stamped down a wave of nausea. Odysseus wasn't there. Not mentally. He wasn't aware of his surroundings, or maybe even who he was. What was he seeing now? There..a lot of men died, but there was still a small amount. He was still there, and thirty five others were. They were almost home. He distantly heard footsteps coming behind him - Alcaeus and a few other men had come to see the commotion, but Eurylochus raised a hand to warn them to keep their distance. Right now, he needed to focus on talking the other down.
"It is fine Captain, we're no longer trapped and despite our actions
("Let me close my eyes...")
we are still alive, I know that life's been hard, I've torn us all apart-"
("All I hear are screaaaaams..!")
"I'm sorry my friend, time and time again, I broke your trust and-"
("Just let me close my eeeyes...!!")
"we've all nearly died, please say you won't lose heart, you will always be-"
"One of ours.."
("All I hear are..")
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Odysseus began to scream, trying to overwrite all of the voices trapped in his mind, tormenting him until he was driven mad with everything his done. He covered his ears, dropping to his knees and wailing desperately, loud enough that even the heavens might hear him.
"ATHENA!!"
He reached for the skies, clouded over, but his cry for help was answered with silence. No one dared to say a word. Even those who had raised their swords against him couldn't bring themselves to scorn him while he was in this state. Some were frightened for him, others had similarly been pushed to tears.
Eurylochus rarely showed much emotion, but he hardly registered his own tears as he stepped closer to his friend..no, he had no right to call him that, having reduced him to this.
Gently, carefully, he reached out, touching Odysseus' shoulder to test his response - but he received none. Without any resistance, Eurylochus nudged him to turn, and pulled him into a cautious embrace. One arm wrapped around his back, and his opposite hand rested on the back of his head, holding him close.
He was really quite small. At least, compared to Eurylochus he was. Only about as tall as his shoulder, and his lack of nutrition was made more obvious now - Odysseus was terribly thin. Eyes open, but unseeing, and arms dropped to his sides in defeat. Or, resignation?
In all the years they've known each other..Odysseus hasn't ever broken like this. How could they know how to pick up the pieces of someone who never broke?